1. Vocabulary and Grammar are good. In fact, they are impressive. I find no faults in it.

Suggestions:

2. In your interests, in addition to stating banking upon my analytical skills. Also add
3. You interest towards pursuing MFA started initially your inclination towards seeing sticks
and investing in stock markets by trading. This would be a solid point to include
4. Motivation to Pursue MFA: Write on these lines. That your job experience which revolved
around Business Process Management (PEGA) provided you with overall understanding of
How a business run. But you are naturally inclined towards Markets and Economy and also
state your expertise in analytics and numbers you want to pursue MFA.
5. Career Objective: Which you chose to become investment banker. Add points like. In todays
disruptive world, any product or technology is imitable and only thing that makes difference
is various financing options chosen by the company.
6. Write about how this course adds to your interest and enhances your interest and
understanding of various financing options for business and how to evaluate risk associated
with various options and evaluate them.
7. Alternative career: So if not Investment Banker, Write you want to be equity analyst as
these two are closely related in some way or other.
8. Because these two careers you can connect with your experience in trading and stocks it
would be believable if you connect them.

These are the things I found you can add build slightly upon in your application.