WORKBOOK

Boundaries 101

©Nila Conzen, MSc. Psychology

 BOUNDARIES 101

Welcome
I bet you’ve heard the saying, “love has no boundaries."

I couldn’t disagree more!

In fact, healthy and meaningful relationships NEED boundaries. When you don’t set
boundaries, you’re more likely to be codependent on other people, because you’re
seeking their validation. You’re also more likely to push past other’s personal
boundaries, even if you don’t mean to. What happens when you start setting strong
personal boundaries? Amazing things. You feel more in control of your life. You’re less
resentful. You’re more confident in your decision making. You attract more supportive
friends. You feel more comfortable speaking up. The list goes on and on.

This workbook will provide you with all the information needed to set and maintain
healthy boundaries - with yourself and your loved ones.

Sending love.
As always,

Nila Conzen
Psychologist | Nutritionist | Yoga Teacher

©Nila Conzen, MSc. Psychology

 BOUNDARIES 101

Setting boundaries is a way of caring

for myself. It doesn’t make me mean,
selfish, or uncaring (just) because I
don’t do things their way.
Knowing what I am to own and take
responsibility for gives me freedom.

~ Nila

©Nila Conzen, MSc. Psychology

 BOUNDARIES 101

Boundaries are absolutely critical for your sense of self

worth and to have healthy relationships in the long-term.
When you set boundaries, you’re proving to yourself,
through action, that you and your needs matter.

Boundaries are personal and different for

everyone. They’re flexible and can change and
grow over time. They give us space and time
for ourselves. Without them, our lives would
very quickly become a mess. We would be
living for someone else rather than ourselves.

Start small by choosing just one boundary to

set. This takes practice, and by starting small
you’ll be able to build up your confidence.
When someone doesn’t respect your
boundaries, or continues to do things you’ve
asked them to stop, there’s three things you
have to do:

- Reaffirm what your boundary is as soon as

they violate it.
- Remind them of the action you said you’d
take.
- Follow through on the action. (more on this
in the example worksheet)

Daring to set boundaries is about

If someone repeatedly ignores your
having the courage to love
boundaries, actively makes you feel guilty for
ourselves even when we risk
setting them, or setting boundaries doesn’t
disappointing others.
help the relationship, it’s time for you to
consider whether or not they deserve a place ~ Brené Brown
in your life. Sometimes, no matter how hard
you try, the relationship isn’t salvageable. This
applies no matter what you’ve gone through
together, how long you’ve known each other,
if you’re married, or if you’re related.

©Nila Conzen, MSc. Psychology

 BOUNDARIES 101

B be true to yourself.

O only say yes when you mean it.

U understand that not everyone will be pleased to hear them.

N never feel guilty for saying NO.

D do not adjust your needs to please others.

A ask for what you want. I don't know any mind-readers out there.

R remember why you set them in the first place.

I Ignoring your boundaries is self-betrayal.

E encourage others to accept your needs.

S say No without apologising!

DISCLAMER
The contents of this workbook is for informational purposes only and is intended to assist readers in identifying
symptoms and conditions they may be experiencing. This book is not intended to be a substitute for obtaining
proper medical advice and must not be relied upon in this way. Always consult a qualified doctor or medical
practitioner.

©Nila Conzen, MSc. Psychology

 BOUNDARIES 101

Worksheet
Start small by choosing just one boundary to set.
This takes practice, and by starting small you’ll be able to build up your
confidence.
(Recurring) Situation:

How does this make you feel?

What would you like to change about this situation?

What boundary do you need to set to change the situation?

What consequences are you willing to follow through on if someone doesn’t respect
it?

©Nila Conzen, MSc. Psychology

 BOUNDARIES 101

Worksheet - Example

(Recurring) Situation:
My mum always makes comments about
my body.

How does this make you feel?

It makes me feel hurt, ashamed,
and embarrassed. It makes me feel like I am a
failure.
What would you like to change about this situation?
I want my mum to stop making hurtful
comments every time I see her. I don't want to
feel so worthless every time I visit her.
What boundary do you need to set to change the situation?
I want to tell mom that she is not allowed to
make comments on or discuss my weight when
I come to see her.
What consequences are you willing to follow through on if someone doesn’t respect
it?
If she does, I will change the subject. If that
doesn’t work, I will leave the room.

©Nila Conzen, MSc. Psychology

 BOUNDARIES 101

Different Types of
Boundaries
PHYSICAL MENTAL
Boundaries Boundaries
"I love you so much "I want to spend time
and I am in need of with you and I
some physical space cannot do that if we
right now/feel continue to discuss
uncomfortable your ex/parents/
hugging." potitics."

EMOTIONAL SPIRITUAL
Boundaries Boundaries
“As much I want you "I understand and
to be happy, I’m value your spiritual
realizing that I can’t practice, but talking
be responsible for about this makes me
your happiness.” feel uncomfortable."

©Nila Conzen, MSc. Psychology

 BOUNDARIES 101

Worksheet
Write down your own boundaries below!

PHYSICAL MENTAL
Boundaries Boundaries

EMOTIONAL SPIRITUAL
Boundaries Boundaries

©Nila Conzen, MSc. Psychology

 BOUNDARIES 101

Remember
Boundaries can sometimes be the most powerful when we can be proactive in
sharing POSITIVE experiences and giving the kinds of positive feedback about
experiences that help us feel safe and loved in our relationships. 
(Psychologists call this “positive reinforcement”). ⠀⠀

BOUNDARIES CAN BOUNDARIES CAN

LOOK LIKE ALSO LOOK LIKE

"I DIDN'T FEEL SO LOVED WHEN "I FEEL SO LOVED WHEN YOU
YOU ____ FOR ME." ____ FOR ME."

"I FEEL DISCONNECTED TO YOU "I FEEL CLOSER TO YOU TODAY

TODAY BECAUSE YOU ____." BECAUSE YOU ____."

"I FEEL SO UNCOMFORTABLE "I FEEL SO HAPPY WHEN I GET TO

WHEN I GET TO EXPERIENCE ____
WITH YOU."
"I FELT SO UNNOTICED WHEN
YOU THOUGHT OF ME IN THIS
MOMENT."
"I FELT SO HURT WHEN YOU
WENT SAID, DID ____ ."
EXPERIENCE ____ WITH YOU."
"I FELT SO SEEN WHEN YOU
THOUGHT OF ME IN THIS
MOMENT."
"I FELT SO GRATEFUL WHEN YOU
WENT OUT OF YOUR WAY TO
SHOW ME THAT YOU CARED."

"I DON'T WANT YOU TO GIVE ANY "THANK YOU FOR LISTENING TO
ME. YOU BEING HERE JUST MADE ME WITHOUT GIVING ME ADVICE.
ME FEEL VERY YOU SIMPLY BEING HERE JUST
UNCOMFORTABLE." MADE ME FEEL BETTER."

"I DON'T APPRECIATED IT WHEN "I REALLY APPRECIATED IT WHEN

YOU ____. IT REALLY REMINDED YOU ____. IT REALLY REMINDED
ME THAT YOU DON'T REALLY ME THAT YOU TRULY CARED
CARE ABOUT ME." ABOUT ME."

"I WAS HURT WHEN DIDN'T TAKE "THANK YOU FOR TAKING WHAT I
WHAT I SAID SERIOUSLY. IT SAID SERIOUSLY. IT MADE ME
MADE ME FEEL VERY SMALL AND FEEL IMPORTANT AND THAT I
UNIMPORTANT." MATTER TO YOU."

©Nila Conzen, MSc. Psychology

 BOUNDARIES 101

Self-confidence cheat sheet

Here is a little cheat sheet that you may have seen on Instagram before. My tip:
Write them down, add your own, memorize them, save them to your phone, stick
them to your mirrow, and look at them before you start your next conversation!
Here are some of my favorites:

©Nila Conzen, MSc. Psychology

 BOUNDARIES 101

If I were asked to give what I consider the

single most useful bit of advice for all of
humanity, it would be this: Expect trouble
as an inevitable part of life.... Look it square
in the eye, and say, I will be bigger than you.
You cannot defeat me.

~ Ann Landers

©Nila Conzen, MSc. Psychology

 BOUNDARIES 101

Final words
WHAT'S NEXT?
As you may know by now, boundaries are not
something "bad" per se. In fact, they are
absolutely neccessary for any healthy
relationship. They define what is me and what is
not me. A boundary shows where you end and
someone else begins, leading to a sense of
ownership.

Just as homeowners set physical property lines

around their land, we need to set mental,
physical, emotional, and spiritual boundaries for
our lives to help us distinguish what is our
responsibility and what is not. The inability to set
appropriate boundaries at appropriate times with
the appropriate people can be very destructive.

When experiences in the past have taught you not to set limits, confronting someone on a
relatively insignificant matter can be difficult at first. Growth in setting emotional boundaries
must be at a rate that takes into account your past injuries. So, it is wise to start very small
and practice saying no in comfortable situations.

I hope this little workbook serves you well. If you ever need some personal guidance, feel free
to get in contact with me! It would be an honour to support you (and/or your loved ones)!

With a whole lotta love and gratitude,

Nila Conzen
CONTINUE YOUR
JOURNEY!

©Nila Conzen, MSc. Psychology