Dear Sir/Madam,

Brothers and sisters of the world, I would like you to read

my story and questions and I would love to hear your
comments and particularly from other ex Muslimahs who
have questioned the same things. I just feel this religion
has so many things that don’t make any logical sense at
all. How can one follow something blindly and not ask
why?? Mr Ali Sina, I commend you for what you are
doing. I really do.
Please tell me why it is that I can’t pray whilst
menstruating?? I am too unclean to pray? Yet, I am told I
can still make du’a, yet what is du’a if not prayer??
Basically telling me that even if I were to ritualistically
wash myself (make wudu) I am not clean enough to pray
yet tells me I can pray directly to God inside my head
without prostration? How does that make sense exactly??
What is the whole point of the wudu then? At all? Also, I
am not supposed to touch the Quran during my period??
Or to visit a Mosque. What kind of God would
differentiate between a male and female when they want
to be close to God? This is not only ludicrious but it
shows extreme favouritism towards men, thus enhancing
the belief that Islam teaches that men are better than
women. Also, have you seen the size of the ladies prayer
areas in a mosque?? Tiny and cramped!!! Why would
God teach people this ?? God loves all.
That Dogs have jinns within them?? WHAT??? We are
all of God’s creatures. Dogs are the types of animals that
are so well suited to be a domestic pet because of their
natural affinity towards human beings. They have brought
so much love and solace to humans over the years. How
on earth would our God tell man to not keep a dog or that
they are unclean or that a jinn resides in them or that we
cannot pray near them or where they are kept? This is
preposterous. I can understand the fact that we maybe
should not eat pigs because they eat other animals and
possibly excrement as well, that doesn’t sound too
apealing, however fish and sea creatures eat other fish but
they are deemed halal? How is this fair?
How can I follow a religion that teaches me to view other
followers of faiths with such disdain, thus allowing me to
start feeling supreme to the other children of God? That is
utterly disgraceful. I found myself starting to slip into,
instead out of, hate and anger, only this time it was
directed at non-Muslims. I used to love all people equally
and all of civilisation, yes there were people that irrated
me and I didn’t agree with but I never did think it would
be okay to kill and wipe them out, or to coerce them into
believing in Islam….this again is a ludicrous suggestion.
How can I follow a religion that teaches men that it’s
okay to marry and have sex with a 9 year old child??(even
13 years old!) I have a daughter and it makes me sick to
my stomach that if she were to grow up in the Islamic
faith that I would at some point have to give her up for
marriage whilst she was still a child? Whether girls have
periods from a young age or not, is not indicative that
they should be married off to a 40 year old man. It’s a
sick thought that the prophet Muhammad at his old age
carried out this same act. And if I didn’t give her up for
marriage if requested, that I would be disobeying the
wishes of prophet Muhammad and ultimately, Allah. I
don’t agree that as soon as a child has a period she is of
childbearing age. Her body is getting her prepared for
adulthood. I cannot follow this train of thought.
That I must walk around covering my hair at all times
and, all of a sudden in my life (as a revert) am unable to
hug my cousins and uncles nor to ever touch them again??
What? These are people that grew up with me as a
father/brother and some of whom are blood. I cannot live
in my home with curtains closed, blinds drawn in the
summer heat because I fear if they are open, neighbours
may look in and see my hair? What, am I to walk around
my own house in the heat with my head covered as
well??? Some may say, but the heat you are experiencing
is nothing compared with the fire of hell for committing
sins…. What kind of a rule is this? I cannot understand
that men seeing my hair is such a sin and I cannot live
within my own four walls as a prisoner. Why did God
give us the seasons, the sunshine, the wind and the rain if
we are forbidden to feel it on our skin and the wind in our
hair? Oh, sorry, I mean, if you are FEMALE that is !!! IT
is proven that a lack of Vitamin D from the sun is
responsible for many immune system problems and the
body’s inability to absorb other vitamins and minerals.
Are you telling me that God asked Muhammad to tell the
world this, what, did he want women to suffer with their
health??? Did he not think about the colder climate
countries that get little sunshine as it is? Oh, yes and what
about the colder climates where there is little darkness
through summer and are expected to fast for up to 22
hours a day during Ramadan????? The answers I have
been given are that the brothers and sisters who ‘do’ fast
etc within this climate will be given extra rewards for
their suffering..ie. suffering=reward! What is this silly
ruling………..How can a Mother be expected to do this
when she has little children, how can she be forced to be
weak from between 14-22 hours a day when she has little
kids to run around after in the heat of the sun?? What ????
This is ludicrous. Such sexism!!!
That I must awaken in the middle of the night to get up,
wash myself, pray and then somehow get back to sleep
and manage my life with lack of sleep (because
apparently praying is so much better than sleeping…). I
have a baby also. When my baby decides she wants to nap
or sleep and it’s prayer time, I can’t just leave the baby to
scream and howl for me so I can go and make wudu
before the sunsets, lest I be commiting a sin of not
praying on time. It is exhausting enough being a mother
so I must also sleep when the baby sleeps otherwise I
would get next to no sleep. How can this be right, when I
personally, get extremely sick and rundown if I don’t
sleep well. How can this be beneficial to my life? But ah,
yes, I can pray through du’a…..again, my whole point,
then what is the point of formal praying/making wudu,
when we can talk to Allah directly anyway.
And also……what is the whole point of following a
religion that tells you that, alas, on one day or thirty days
of the year, all your sinning can be wiped out if you fast
and pray. Basically, I can do pretty much as I wish, as
long as I carry out the fasts. This makes absolutely no
sense whatsoever. There are so many rules about, oh if
you do this then all your sins will be washed away….
what???? If you have a baby, you get this many sins
washed away for this amount of time so on and so
on….so stupid and illogical. How’s about just be good,
follow your God consciousness…that which we have all
been born with. What’s right and what’s wrong. Our
internal guide. Not that which is written in a book. God is
within us all. How is any muslim supposed to learn and
remember every single rule and the contradictory
ones??What…….head spinning all over the place trying
to keep up with it all!!
What about being taught that it’s wrong to listen to music.
I have never heard so much rubbish in my life. Why is it
so then, that my baby daughter just loves music and
singing..her head turns the minute she hears music and
she smiles and laughs. That is not evil, nor is it anything
else, other than deep pleasure and joy (oh but the Muslims
would probably answer that it’s the Shaytan telling her to
laugh). What a pleasure music brings to people’s ears and
hearts. It is so comforting, can help release emotions, can
help dealing with tragedy, can help to make you happy,
can help to ease your pain and suffering (in the same way
that praying to a universal God can). How can anyone say
music is in any way damaging? Maybe certain types are
(heavy thrash metal or thumping techno music perhaps ;-
D ). I have read that prophet Muhammad frequently had
women singing at weddings and gatherings. How is that
bad? Yet another case of hypocrisy, I ask?
How can I live with myself if being a Muslim, I am aware
that others of my faith will willfully kill and slaughter
people in the name of God? What God is that, I ask? It’s
not the God I know, the God I trust, the God that has
brought me to where I am today. My parents taught me
it’s wrong to hurt others, to steal, to Kill another
human….whether religious or not, we all know it is just
plain WRONG!!! No God of our universe would teach
that. God takes our lives when he is ready to. Whether
that is at the hands of an evil person or an illness, it’s not
up to us, I know that. But at least we all know that if we
take another person’s life it is wrong. We are NOT God!
God should teach love and to worship God from within
yourself, not necessarily within some structured
organisation!!
Why is it that the Muslims must follow what is written in
a book?? Why? Why then I ask, are we given brains from
which to expand, nurture and develop as we grow? What
would be the point of free thinking – take a parent/ child
for instance that are brought up with no religion, no book
to follow, only gut instinct and intuition and the need for
food and water. They don’t have any issues and problems,
only to survive and be good. Ihave seen it happen in many
island civilisations!! No Quran in sight. Are you telling
me these people will go to hell?
My final point is this….. how can this religion teach that
non Muslim people that who are good, have been good
their whole life, will burn in hell because they didn’t ‘re’-
vert to Islam??? So you are telling me that those who are
born into Islam and are bad people will automatically go
to heaven??? And those caring loving types will be
banished to hellfire for using their God given caring
instinct??? What?? This is RIDICULOUS!! Any fool can
see that! I refuse to believe that because my parents are
not Muslims and have been good people their whole
entire life right up to their old age now who, even now,
depsite the fact that I recently became a Muslim, STILL
will do anything for me, help me, be there for me??/ Yet I
am supposed to believe they will go to hell and I, to
heaven? Absolutely ludicrous.
I therefore have to say that after my first year as a
Muslim, I now cannot see how I can proceed any further,
after learning all of the above, mostly through my own
internal ‘red light’ bleeping at me constantly and of
reading and probing further. I feel I was mislead, mis-sold
and my only regret now is that I met my partner who
roped me into this situation and I was too weak and too
stupid to realise what I was doing. However had I not met
him I would not have my beautiful daughter. I only pray
that we can get on with our lives away from him, without
fearing for our lives. I hope and pray to my universal God
for forgiveness, for the feelings of hatred I had developed
for my non-Muslim bretheren and sisterhood. I pray he
forgives me for this sorry episode in my life and for
strength for mine and my daughter’s future, to get away
from the evil ways I have been introduced to. Thank you
for reading.
signed, Soon-to-be Ex Muslimah