a - b e g i n n e r ’ s - g u i d e - to

by

A.Prefect.
 written & Illustrated by

SheFlooLikeAMadMan
[ last edited: 09/07/2014 ]
 CONTENTS.

1. Map.

The Journey.

2. Your First Night.

How You Get to School.

What You'll See:

How To Get To Your Common Room, for

Gryffindors,

Ravenclaws,

Hufflepuffs,

Slytherins.

3. Your First Day.

What You Need to Know.

The Seven Subjects and Where to Find Them.

Finding the Teachers.

4. Your First Week-end.

Hogsmeade: How to Get There and What to Do.

Quidditch.

In the Grounds.

In the Castle.

The Hazards of Being a Student.

Writing Home.

5. Charts:

Hogwarts & Environs.

Objects and Curiosities in the Castle.

6. Good Luck!
 THE JOURNEY. . .

After catching the 11am: Hogwarts Express (from Platform

9¾) at King’s Cross, you arrive at Hogsmeade Sta on,
which is not in Hogsmeade itself, but stands alone on the
western side of a lake (pictured right).

FIRST YEARS:

You leave the pla orm and walk down a steep, narrow
path hemmed in on either side by thick trees.

This path bends round and emerges onto the edge of the
lake, across which Hogwarts Castle is now visible, perched
atop a high cliff. There’s a fleet of small boats si ng in
the water by the shore, and you cross the lake in these,
four to a boat.

At the foot of the cliffs, you pass through a curtain of ivy,

then along a dark tunnel (which leads underneath the
castle) and into an underground harbour of rocks and
pebbles. You climb up a steep passageway in the rock
and come out onto a smooth lawn (now on the south
side of the castle). The entrance, (a large pair of oak
doors), is right in front of you, up a flight of stone steps.
These will swing open and you'll find yourself facing the
Deputy Head of the School...

SECOND YEARS AND UP:

You leave the pla orm and are greeted by a fleet of

black, apparently horseless carriages (they’re actually
being drawn by invisible skeletal winged horses, called
Thestrals).

Once everyone’s in, four to a carriage, you trundle up a

road which starts on the le -hand side of the sta on
platform and runs all along the Hogwarts boundary wall.

A er about a mile you pass the lights of Hogsmeade on

your le , then the road curves round to the right through
a pair of tall gates, flanked either side by stone pillars
topped with statues of winged-boars.

You’re now travelling up the long sloping drive to

Hogwarts castle, the sun se ng over the the Forbidden
Forest on your left, looming darkly.

As you draw nearer the castle, there’s a wide sweep of

velvet lawns on your right sloping down to the Lake
beyond – there’s a beech tree and a tangle of shrubs
down there, perfect for sunbathing.

A er about half a mile, the entrance of the castle is

before you; it’s a pair of oak doors at the top of a flight
of stone steps, all overshadowed by the crenelated
battlements of the Astronomy tower.

Then it’s out of the carriages, up the steps, and into the
Entrance Hall. . .
 When you walk into the Entrance Hall. . .

It’s huge – big enough to fit a whole house in – an d so

vast that the ceiling is too high to make out.

It's very medieval looking, with flagged-stone floors

and stone walls, lit by flaming torches and hung with
magical pain ngs (whose occupants can move and talk!)
Most no cable is a magnificent marble staircase directly
facing you as you walk in (this leads to the upper floors).

There are doors on either side of this staircase, as you

look at it. Both doors lead down into the dungeons, but
the door on the right leads to the Kitchens (underneath
the Great Hall, where all the meals are served) and the
Hufflepuff Common Room, whereas the door on the left
leads down a narrow staircase to the Po ons Master’s
Office and the Slytherin Common Room.

In one of the corners opposite the entrance, in alcoves,

stand the four giant hour-glasses tallying up House-
Points.

To your right are the double-doors leading into the Great

Hall and, near them, a broom-cupboard.
To your le , one door leads into the corridor which
contains Classroom 11 (there is a nice sheltered
courtyard off this corridor, where students o en
congregate during break) and the Staff Room, and
another door which opens into a small
antechamber. First years: this ante-chamber is where
you’ll wait before being Sorted.

THE GREAT HALL:

Is another vast, rectangular room. There are hundreds of

lit candles floa ng over your head, the light of which
gleams off the golden plates and goblets. Depending on
the weather, the enchanted ceiling above (which looks
just like the sky) may be smothered by clouds or studded
by stars, outshone only by the pearly Hogwarts ghosts
themselves.

The Great Hall will look different on special ocassions:

at the End of Year feast it will be decorated with the

banners of whichever House has won the House Cup
that year,
on Hallowe'en it will be decorated with hundreds of
huge pumpkins (big enough for more than one
person to sit in) which are carved into leering faces
 and filled with candles, there will be floa ng orange
streamers up near the ceiling and clouds of live bats
swooping about,
and at Christmas there will be holly and mistletoe
draped from wall to wall overhead, and no fewer
t h a n t we l v e giant Christmas trees standing at
intervals all down the walls, all decorated differently
(often by the Charms professor.)

As you stand in the doorway, there are ground-level

windows to your right.

There are four long house tables with benches either

side, and then – beyond them, and running
perpendicular to them – another, ‘high’ table. This is
where the teachers sit, with the Headmaster in the
middle.

As you walk in, the first table you pass on your le is

Slytherin, then Ravenclaw, then Hufflepuff, and finally
Gryffindor, furthest from the entrance.

Behind the high table, in the far right-hand corner of the

room (and thus nearest Gryffindor table) is a doorway
leading off into an ante-chamber. This room has a
fireplace, and many portraits hanging in it (including one
of a wizened old witch named Violet).
At this point the Deputy-Head walks in, with the latest
batch of first years in single-file behind them.

They’re lead up to the High Table, which they line up in

front of, and the Sor ng Hat is placed before them on a
stool. Thus the Sorting begins.

A er every new student has been Sorted, the

Headmaster stands and says a few words before
declaring the feast officially open, and the food appears
on the many golden plates.

Then, once everyone has eaten their fill, all the students
from the four tables rise and file out – this is when the
Prefects start calling to the First Years to follow them.
 TO THE COMMON ROOMS. . .

You’ll go in a different direc on depending on which house

you were Sorted in.

GRYFFINDOR | RAVENCLAW | HUFFLEPUFF | SLYTHERIN

 GRYFFINDORS:

Go up the grand staircase and keep travelling in that

direc on; you’ll want to be going towards your le ,
because the Gryffindor Common Room is in a tower on
the Westernmost side of the castle, and you’re coming
from the South/South-East.

Once you reach the second floor, you can take a short-
cut!

Concealed behind a tapestry is a narrow staircase to the

upper floors – but watch out, there’s a vanishing trick-
step in the first flight up, just before you reach the suit of
armour.

This staircase leads up two flights to the fourth floor,

(where the exit is also hidden by a tapestry), about
halfway down the corridor.

Once in that corridor, take the nearest staircase up to the

fi h floor, where’ll you see a statue of Boris the
Bewildered (you’ll know it’s him because he has his
gloves on the wrong hands).

Go to the right of this statue and you’ll be on the

shortest route to the Gryffindor Common Room.
It is up two more flights of stairs, on the seventh floor.

As you come off the marble staircase from the sixth floor,

you’ll see a statue of Lachlan the Lanky, round the corner
to your right – Gryffindor Common Room is in this
direc on. At the end of a corridor there is a portrait of a
fat lady in a pink silk dress. She is the guardian to the
Gryffindor Common Room, and to get in you just have to
give her the correct password (ask one of the Gryffindor
Prefects).

If you somehow get lost, why not ask for direc ons?
There’s a pain ng of an armoured knight, usually up
on the seventh floor, some mes seen with a fat grey
pony. He’s called Sir Cadogan, and if he’s not too busy
brandishing his sword at you, he’ll be happy to help
with direc ons – he loves a good Quest, him. He may
even accompany you, travelling through other
paintings along your route!

If the people in the pain ngs aren’t in a helpful mood,

try checking the view from the windows – the closer
the Forbidden Forest appears, the closer you are to
Gryffindor Tower.
 RAVENCLAWS:

You also need to take the grand staircase out of the

Entrance Hall, then take the short-cut through the
tapestry up to the fourth floor.

If you’re lost, try asking the Ravenclaw ghost for

direc ons – she’s known as the Grey Lady and you can
o en find her haun ng the corridors of the fourth
floor, near the Library.

Or you could simply embrace your disorienta on and

allow yourself to marvel at the intricacy of the castle's
floor-plan, as set out by your House's Founder,
Rowena Ravenclaw!

However, if finding the Common Room is really your

true intention...

Take the nearest staircase up to the fi h floor, and when

you see the statue of Boris the Bewildered, you need to
go to the left of it (this is in a Easterly direc on – you
should be seeing the school Quidditch Pitch out of the
windows to your right, and you want to head towards a
view of the mountains. If you see the lake straight ahead,
you've gone too far).
The entrance to Ravenclaw’s Common Room is only
accessible from the fifth floor.

It lies at the very top of a tower, beyond a ghtly-winding

spiral staircase, and is accessed through a door which has
an enchanted knocker in the shape of an Eagle.

This knocker will prompt you with a riddle or a ques on,

and you’re only allowed into the Common Room once
you’ve proved yourself worthy of admi ance by
answering correctly!
 HUFFLEPUFFS:

You leave the Entrance Hall from the ground-floor, by

exi ng through the door which lies to the right of the
grand staircase. You don’t have far to go, only down one
level.

If you do manage to get lost, try asking the Hufflepuff

ghost for direc ons. He’s called the Fat Friar – easily
recognisable by his monk’s robes – and he’ll be only
too happy to help.

The entrance to the Hufflepuff Common Room is in the

same broad stone corridor as the Kitchens, which – as a
rough guide – are directly underneath the Great Hall
(they’re behind a pain ng of a bowl of fruit, by the way,
which you should pass on your left).

On your right you’ll see a stack of large barrels standing

in an alcove – the entrance is in here.

You enter in a similar way to Diagon Alley. You have to

tap the barrel two from the bo om, middle of the
second row, to the rhythm of the name ‘Helga
Hufflepuff’.

The lid will swing open and you crawl along the sloping
earthy passageway a li le way into the Hufflepuff
Common Room, which has a ground-level view of the
dandelion strewn lawns to the south of the castle (and
sometimes passing feet).

Uniquely among Common Rooms, this entrance is

booby-trapped! If you’ve got the wrong lid or the
wrong rhythm, another lid will spring open and drench
you in vinegar, so if one of your House-mates has a
par cularly poor sense of rhythm, you might want to
volunteer to open the door for them? Good luck!
 SLYTHERINS:

Like the Hufflepuffs (in this if in nothing else) you exit

from the Entrance Hall.

Take the door to the left of the grand staircase, down to

the dungeons, and then keep going right (i.e., in a
Northerly direc on). The Slytherin Common Room is the
most well-concealed of any – it’s behind an apparently
unremarkable stretch of blank wall, and you can only get
in if you know the password (ask a Prefect to find out
what it is, but don’t let anyone from the other houses
overhear you.)

As a Slytherin you can obviously look after youself, but

if you're lost there’s a useful spell you can learn: place
your wand flat on your palm and say ‘Point Me.’ It will
spin like a compass needle and point North.

However, if you’re really lost, it might be worth

asking the Bloody Baron for direc ons. He’s the
Slytherin house ghost, and he’s pre y difficult to talk
to, even for Slytherins. But whatever you do, don’t ask
him how he died...
 YOUR FIRST DAY. . .

Once you’ve rested the night, lessons start on the 2nd of

September.

You’ll get your schedule during breakfast in the Great Hall

– your Head of House will hand them out.

( Also, the morning owl-post arrives during breakfast, so if

you’re expec ng a le er or you’ve forgo en something
back home, look out for the owl who’s carrying it. )

NEED TO KNOW:

Classes start at 9am, so you’ll want to be ea ng at

round 8.30, to give yourself enough me to collect your
things and find the classroom.

The school-day is divided into two in the morning (with a

break in between), then lunch, and more lessons in the
a ernoon (star ng at 1pm). This may reduce in later
years, as the classes became smaller and more advanced
and the amount of homework increases.

Some of your lessons will be doubled up, in which case

you’ll only have one subject in the morning/a ernoon,
spanning two hours (most commonly for Potions).

You’ll know when each lesson is beginning and ending

because a bell sounds throughout the castle.

Dinner is served in the evening and curfew (a er which

you’re expected to be back in your Common Room) is
9pm.

Holidays fall on Christmas and Easter (one week) and

there are feasts on Hallowe’en and Christmas Day.

( If you’d like to stay at Hogwarts over Christmas break you

have to put your name down on a list of students – your
Head of House will come round with it in early December. )

So, to the lessons. . .

 FIRST YEARS:

Here are the Seven Subjects and Where to Find Them.

1. Astronomy: once a week at midnight on Wednesday

(you’ll need your brass telescope and any star-charts you
have, possibly your winter cloak too, if it’s chilly out). The
Astronomy Tower is the tallest tower at Hogwarts, and
it’s located almost directly over the entrance to the
castle. Once there, you can see the castle’s entrance
doors to your le , and Hagrid’s Hut over to your right. To
reach it, you go up the marble staircase from the
Entrance Hall, round the corner (left), down the corridors,
then up another flight of stairs (to the second floor). Go
down the corridor to the tapestry, pull it back to take the
short-cut up to the fourth floor (taking care not to fall
through the trickstep halfway up the first flight), and
then find the corridor at the base of the tower, where
you can take the steep spiralling staircase up to the top.

2. Charms: 3rd floor, on the south side of the castle (with

a view of the entrance drive).

3. Defence Against the Dark Arts: 2nd floor, possibly

moving somewhere else if needed.

4. Herbology: out in the grounds, round towards the

direc on of the Forbidden Forest, lessons are held in the
greenhouses on the west side of the castle (if it’s a
morning lesson, the sun will be behind you as you walk
out; if it’s an afternoon lesson the sun will be in front).

5. History of Magic: 1st floor, south/south-west side of

the castle (one of the windows in the corridor outside
the classroom has a view of Hagrid’s Hut), round the
corner from a suit of armour.

6. Po ons: (usually a double-lesson, you’ll need your

cauldron, brass scales, glass phials and ingredients, and
possibly your dragon-hide gloves for handling any
harmful substances) down below ground-level, in the
dungeons.

7. Transfigura on: [all we know is ‘miles from Umbridge’s

office’ which is on the 2nd floor, facing west]. So probably
east, and on a different floor.

( There are also Flying lessons in first year, which are taken
out in the grounds, on the lawns next to the Quidditch
pitch. Don't worry about ge ng hold of a broom, the
school will provide them for the lesson, and first years
aren't allowed to have their own anyway. )
 THIRD YEARS AND UP:

Also study two or more of the following…

1. Ancient Runes (unknown)

2. Arithmancy (unknown, but I have a funny feeling it’d

involve the 7th floor or a 7th door.)

3. Care of Magical Creatures: in the grounds, varying

depending on what’s being fed/fled from.

4. Divina on: 7th floor at the top of the North Tower,

through a trapdoor in the ceiling.

5. Muggle Studies: inside the castle, on the first floor.

 OUTSIDE OF LESSONS:

If you need to speak to one of the teaching staff their

offices are…

Headmaster: on the seventh floor, east side of the

school (you can see the Quidditch Pitch from one
window). It’s guarded by an ugly stone gargoyle, who
will only let you enter with the right password ( for
which a trip to Honeydukes may come in handy – see
more below ).
Transfiguration: on the first floor, facing south, with
a view of the Quidditch Pitch.
Charms: on the seventh floor, thirteen windows to
the right of the West Tower.
Potions: in the dungeons, one level down, halfway
down the first passage you come to, best reached
through the door on the le of the grand staircase
and down the narrow staircase.
Defence Against the Dark Arts: on the second floor,
facing east, with a view of the lake and the Quidditch
Pitch; there’s a suit of armour nearby.

(Failing that, try the Staff Room, which is in the le -hand

corridor off the Entrance Hall – but beware, it’s guarded by
a pair of gargoyles who think they’re hilarious. If you’re
sufficiently masochis c and wish to visit the Caretaker – or
check the list of Banned Items on his door, to see just how
much trouble you’re in – his office is also on this floor.)
 YOUR WEEKEND. . .

HOGSMEADE:

How to Get There and What to Do

If you’re a third year or above, and you have permission,

you can visit the local village, which lies south/south-east
of the castle, about half a mile’s walk down the drive.

If you’re not a third year (and/or you don’t have

permission) you can sneak out to the village through
various secret passages.

1. There’s one underneath the Whomping Willow, which

is between the Herbology greenhouses and Hagrid’s Hut
(to stop its branches flailing you have to press the big
knot on the tree-trunk, long enough for you to crawl
through the gap in the roots). This passage is the longest.
It's very low, so you have to crawl all the way, and it
emerges inside the Shrieking Shack – not what'd you call
the most scenic route.

2. Your best bet is to go to the third floor of the castle

and find the statue of Gunhilda of Gorsemoor (she’s the
one-eyed witch with the hunch-back). Tap the hump with
your wand and say the incantation, ‘Dissendium.’
The hump will open up and you’ll be in a long earth
tunnel which ends in a trap-door into the cellar of
Honeydukes, the sweet-shop – well worth a visit.

( There was another passageway behind a mirror on the

fourth floor, but that one’s caved in. If anyone tells you to
use any other passage into Hogsmeade, don’t listen to
them – Filch the Caretaker knows about all of them, even
the one behind that statue of Gregory the Smarmy on the
fifth floor! )

Once you’ve reached the li le thatched village (however

you came to be there) you can visit:

Zonko’s Joke Shop: Dungbombs, S nk Pellets, Frog

Spawn Soap and more!
Honeydukes Sweetshop: including ‘Unusual Tastes’
for the differently-normal.
Scrivensha ’s Quill Shop: a wonderful range including
pheasant-feather.
Gladrags Wizardwear: all kinds of clothing, and a
bewildering array of socks.
Dervish & Banges: ( near the end of the high street),
magical equipment and repairs, a good place to go if
you’ve melted a cauldron, unbalanced a set of scales
or crashed your broomstick.
Must-Sees include:

The Three Brooms cks: has a wonderful atmosphere

and stocks hot Bu erbeer – it’s rumoured that the
founder of Hogsmeade, Hengist of Woodcro , used to
live here!
The Shrieking Shack: on the hill outside the village,
rumoured to be Britain’s Most Haunted Building!
The Owl-Office: owls arranged in order of speed, local
& international deliveries welcome!

Or there’s:

Madam Puddifoot’s Teashop ( off the high-street –

one for the couples. )
The Hog’s Head Inn ( site of the famous Goblin
Rebellion – not really recommended for students
since you get unusual types in here and there’s a
distinctly goatish smell. )
 QUIDDITCH.

As you’re walking out to Hogsmeade, you’ll see the

Quidditch Pitch on your left.

If you fancy trying out for your own house team, trials are
typically held during the second week of term, in advance
of the first match (there’ll be a no ce about it in the
Common Room). You can put your name down on a list
for this on the very first day of term, September the 2nd.

Matches start in November (so prac se sessions begin in

October), and each house plays every other house over
six matches spanning the whole year, as follows:

1) Early November: Gryffindor v. Slytherin

2) Late November: Hufflepuff v. Ravenclaw

(Christmas Holidays)

3) January: Ravenclaw v. Slytherin

4) February: Gryffindor v. Hufflepuff

(Easter Break)

5) Early May: Hufflepuff v. Slytherin

6) Late May: Gryffindor v. Ravenclaw

There are 14 places on each house team, and remember

– the Quidditch House Cup is won on points, not matches!

If Quidditch isn’t your thing, but you s ll like to fly, why

not try a game of Shuntbumps or Swivenhodge with
another broom-owning friend?

(WARNING: ANY STUDENT CAUGHT ATTEMPTING TO

PLAY THE BANNED GAMES OF CREAOTHCEANN,
AINGINGEIN, STITCHSTOCK OR QUODPOT WILL PROBABLY
GET CONCUSSION – OR WORSE, DETENTION. )
 IN THE GROUNDS:

If the weather’s fine, you could always sunbathe on the

lawns to the south east of the castle, or go for a swim in
the Lake (don’t worry about the Giant Squid – he’s quite
harmless, and will even submit to having his tentacles
tickled, on occasion).

Don’t even think about trying to get into the Forbidden

Forest – its motley collec on of monsters could give the
Black Forest a run for its galleons.
 IN THE CASTLE:

There are various games, clubs and groups you can join.
You could be enchan ng in the Charms Club or
dangerous in the Duelling Club, you could play a game of
Wizarding Chess or Exploding Snap, or (for the really
dedicated bore) become a member of the Gobstones
Club.

If you’d rather be doing homework, you may need to visit

the Library, on the fourth floor.

It closes at 8pm, and you’re not allowed to take any food

or drink in there (try it and Madam Pince will hit you with
a hurling hex).

In fact, if you’d rather be doing homework then you’ve

probably been Confunded, and a trip to the School Nurse
is in order.

You’ll find Madam Pomfrey in the Hospital Wing on the

third floor, in the east side of the castle (on the way
there you’ll be able to see the Quidditch pitch and a bit
of the Lake out of the windows to your right). It’s through
a big pair of double-doors – all the be er for burs ng in
drama cally whenever your ailment happens to be
particularly urgent and/or impressive.
 THE HAZARDS OF BEING A STUDENT:

If you've been out exploring, make sure not to bring any

mess or mud in with you when you come back to the
castle. Filch the Caretaker seems to have an inner Secrecy
Senser specifically a uned to dirt, because if one drop so
much as touches the floor, he’ll appear from nowhere
and berate you for it.

Also, his cat Mrs Norris is be er than Mrs Skower when it

comes to Figh ng Grime, so try to steer clear of her (or,
alterna vely, take to Scourgifying your footsteps
wherever you go).

On the other end of the spectrum you have Peeves the

Poltergeist, who aims to misbehave and will absolutely
go out of his way to ruin your day. Threats are no use
against him, unless they include men on of the Bloody
Baron (that’s the Slytherin house ghost). One way to get
him off your case is to persuade him that there is some
other, far more destruc ve way he could be spending his
time.

A er a weekend at Hogwarts, you’ll probably have a few

ideas yourself. . .
 AT THE END OF THE DAY…

If you’d like to write to your parents, telling them you’ve

[ g o t concussion/deten on/a Gobstone lodged in your
nostril] and need a [new broom/le er of apology/way to
get Gobstone-ink out of your robes], you’ll need to visit
the Owlery.

This is located in a windowless room at the top of the

West Tower, just past the statue of Wilfrid the Wis ul (if
you pass the Bust of Paracelsus you’re on the shortest
route there). There you can find your owl, or (if you don’t
have an owl) borrow one of the School Barn owls.
 CHARTS:

HOGWARTS & ENVIRONS

&

INSIDE THE CASTLE.

 And that is basically all you need to know!

So, whether you’re a new or returning student, or just a

visitor, I hope you enjoy your stay at

Hogwarts
The World’s Greatest School for Witchcraft and
Wizardry…