WOODROW KROLL

President

A VERY PERSONAL LETTER

FROM ONE OF OUR YOUNGEST LISTENERS ...

O/E COPY STRATEGY:

Overall: There were two copy segments: one for older donors, the other for younger. This letter was
written to the older donor segment.

“A VERY PERSONAL LETTER..”

• “Very personal” implies a level of intimacy and openness that immediately draws the reader in.

• “Youngest listener” appeals to more than one generation: boomers and builders will want to read what
someone from their children or grandchildren has to say--after all, it’s a generation they’re very concerned
about. Plus, anyone who is in this young mom’s generation would be interested in reading this letter
because because they would be drawn to their peer.

“He said, “8 out of 10 youth will walk away.” I wanted to shout,. “Yeah, I know...I’m living those
statistics.”

• Intended to immediately connect with boomers and builders...buying into their fear and concerns over the
younger generation walking away from God. Again, they will want to hear from someone from that
generation--to help them get into their hearts and heads to gain understanding of why they’re walking
away from “that ol’ time religion” as it were.

********************************************************************************
 NOTE ABOUT THIS LETTER: This letter was written by me based on a phone interview with
Melissa Zoeller. As much as possible I worked in her own language, blending it with my style and
order to make the letter cohesive, articulate and, most of all, persuasive. While I did employ some
artistic license in order to make this a truly effective marketing piece, I tried to make sure I kept the
integrity of the “writer’s” own voice, what she actually said to me, as well as the depth of her
passion for the lost spiritual state of her generation.

It’s also a good example of a story-driven appeal where the story itself is the dominant theme vs.
other appeal letters where a story or series of “mini-stories” (testimonials) are woven in to the letter
to support the theme. (See other appeal letter samples for examples of the latter.)

Aug 15, 7:50 PM An effective

LIFT NOTE:
way to introduce the donors to a
letter written by someone else vs. January 21, 2010
Dr. Kroll--a type of letter our
donors are not used to receiving
from BttB.
Dear Jamie,
This short note says everything it
needs to say: Dr. Kroll was clearly
moved by his personal encounter
Iʼm pretty sure Melissa Zoeller was the youngest person to attend our Back to the Bible partnersʼ
with this young person and wants banquet held last October. Her reflections, as well as her ensuing communication with us about
to share this experience with the what it meant to her, were so encouraging that I felt it worth sharing with all of you. She was
donors. He immediately thrilled to communicate her heart for her generation with you, so I hope youʼll read what she has to
communicates the reason for the
letter--and the heart of Melissa
say and the unique perspective she has to bring—especially about how we can impact future
Zoeller not only for her generations.
generation but for impacting
future generations Iʼm so thankful for Melissa and her support of Back To the Bible. Would you prayerfully consider
THE ASK: This ASK comes in what God would have you do this month?
early..even before the actual
letter . However, IMO, it’s too
vague. My original draft was more
specific...instead of “Would you
Woodrow Kroll
prayerfully consider what God President
would have you do this month?” it
should have read: Won’t you
prayerfully consider what
AMOUNT God would have you
GIVE this month so that we can
reach other young people like
Melissa?” Not sure what **************************************************************************************************************
happened but the direct-ask
version didn’t get printed!
LETTER

(OVERLINE)
OVERLINE: Note how this
overline ties in with the O/E
copy-she immediately express
personal gratitude, hope for a
solution, and real enthusiasm (“I “Thank you for making my generation a priority…the night I found out what you were doing for us,
couldn’t even sleep.”)
I got so excited I couldnʼt even sleep!”
Grabber “confessional” lead
sentence. Note the words
“foolish” and “passion” (or
derivative of) right off the bat, (BODY COPY)
cueing the reader that this person
is about to bare her soul. Dear XXXX
Establishes who she is and
why she is writing this letter.
Since the majority of our Not long ago I did something a little foolish. I guess thatʼs what happens when you believe in
donor base is older, she something so passionately youʼre willing to throw caution to the wind!
immediately taps into their
deepest concerns and fears.
Dramatizes her commitment
to the same caused shared by our
donors. What young mom would
do this UNLESS she was very
passionate?
Lots of “I’s in this letter, and Donʼt get me wrong. Iʼm not some caped crusader who forsakes everything just so she can fly off
more important--“you’s” These
are critical for making an appeal
to right all the wrongs of the world. What I am is a 26-year-old wife and mother of two who is
letter very personal and deeply concerned about two things: the spiritually lost state of my generation and the generation
conversational. theyʼll be bringing into this world.
First Ask. Nicely tied to her Thatʼs why, one night this past October, while late in my third trimester of pregnancy, I handed my
passion and her own life crying 12-month-old daughter over to my husband and then drove almost four hours to attend a
transformation as the result of Back to the Bible banquet here in rural Pennsylvania.
this ministry. Always a winner
when you can do that! Also, I
always make sure I get the first
ask above the fold. Itʼs also why Iʼm writing you today. First, I wanted to share how much my life has changed since
Repeating the same the day I first heard Dr. Woodrow Kroll on the radio over three years ago—and why I help support
mantra...she is concerned with this ministry as a result. One that I hope youʼll help support today with your prayers and financial
the reader of this letter is gifts as well!
concerned with.
A plea for help, and a call to
arms, she is issuing a challenge
to this reader, albeit in a subtle But I also wanted to share my deep concern for my peers—a generation of young people who
manner. donʼt value the Word of God or understand its power or see its relevance to their daily lives as I
She is not alone. This ministry have come to see. Who will help them?
shares her concern and can help
be the solution.
Strongly evokes the idea of Thankfully, there are people and organizations like Back to the Bible who share my concern.
self- sacrifice. Reader cannot Thatʼs why, even though I was exhausted, I suddenly came alive when Dr. Kroll began speaking to
doubt this young mom’s
commitment to this cause...that
all the older people at the banquet about their children and grandchildren. (I think I might have
in turn, inspires them to make a been the youngest person there!)
similar sacrifice.
This is our donor’s biggest
concern and fear: the spiritual
health of their children and
grandchildren.
This is very personal to
her..it’s not just a cause.
Demonstrates to these older
donors that YES there are young
people who are concerned about
their own generation.
Statistic: Always good to After all, he was talking about my life, my friends, my family. And when Dr. Arnie Cole, Back to the
include one or two stats to Bibleʼs CEO, cited statistics like 8 out of 10 youth will walk away from Christ before age 23, I
support emotional plea. Right
and left brain should be in
wanted to stand up and shout, “Yeah, I know ... Iʼm living those statistics!”
operation with these letters. (I
sometimes include a separate
buckslip with FACTS AND STATS
for this very reason.)
Used as pull quote for O/E
teaser

Today, so much is being said about the “younger generation” (me) and what their fate will be in
this upside-down world where everything—and everyone—seems to have lost its moral footing.

Story example. This problem

is personal to her. Always work in
a story or stories into copy to
keep reader engaged.
Taps into the common fear of
“one world, one religion” common
among evangelicals
“She freaks” - language of this
age range.
Take Anna, my closest childhood friend who, like so many others, has just boarded what I call the
“spirituality train.” Not long ago she said to me, “Well, you know all major religions teach the same
thing; itʼs all just about being good.”
Of course, whenever I dare to bring up the Bible with its moral absolutes, she freaks! Thatʼs
because like so many of us twenty-somethings who grew up on the “Iʼm okay” and “Weʼre okay”
message of the ʻ80ʼs, sheʼs created her own banquet experience ... looking at life as a
smorgasbord of spirituality where you can choose exactly what makes you feel good—and
guiltless.

The Bible no longer really fits into her picture of spirituality. But then it didnʼt for me either. Though
I was raised in a Christian home, my parents were not particularly consistent about church and, I
I had to walk a fine line here-- have to say, they were rather casual about their faith in general. While they did push the need for
conveying Melissa’s honest salvation, they didnʼt place importance on Godʼs Word—maybe they just assumed I would absorb
assessment of her upbringing the Bible through osmosis. Except I didnʼt.
without shaming her parents (who
also happen to be donors).
This is an example of a phrase
that Melissa didn’t actually say
but clearly conveyed during our Without the Word of God as my sure foundation, I floundered. By my teens, I was a full-blown
interview. In other words, the rebel ... doing my own thing that basically equated into whatever everyone else was doing: sex,
facts are right; the expression of
the facts “enhanced” (through the
drugs and rock nʼ roll.
use of a popular expression) for
dramatic effect.
This is why the donors support
us so it’s important to say it just
this way. Today, thankfully, I can say without exaggeration that it was the Word of God that saved me. And
Promotes Dr. Kroll’s radio itʼs been a gift that keeps on giving. After just one year of faithfully listening to Dr. Krollʼs in-depth
program by way of testimonial-- Bible teaching, I was bold enough to witness to a coworker, managing to lead him to Jesus. Six
how it impacted her personally.
Benefit of this program: It
helped her to witness.
Another plug for another BttB
product: written Bible study
materials.
Benefit of using this BttB
product: dramatically changed
life.
months later, guess what ... that coworker became my husband! Now, both of us spend every
Yet another plug for product.
Tuesday night together—praying and doing our Back to the Bible study. How awesome is that!
Direct benefit of the above-
referenced product: It answers a
new believers “burning
questions.” The change in my husband has been dramatic, to say the least. Back to the Bible really helped
“Transform” : You can never him grow as a new believer—especially through Dr. Krollʼs book, Interview with God. It answered
overuse this word in appeals that many of his burning questions.
don’t offer “tangible” benefits.
Imp. of God’s Word stressed in
relationship to Holy Sprit-- For me, personally, allowing the Word to disciple me has transformed me into someone most of
overcomes possible objection for
those who believe one (Spirit vs.
my former friends wouldnʼt recognize. And thatʼs a good thing! Before, I never got convicted about
Word) is more imp. than the much of anything—I just lived as I pleased. Now I know why. Because the Holy Spirit canʼt convict
other. Encompasses both cons. you if youʼre not in Godʼs Word.
evangelicals and charismatics--
both of which compromise donor
base.
Yet while I am grateful to God for our shared spiritual growth, Iʼm deeply distressed about others in
Dispels the myth that her
generation is completely self-
my generation who are so lost, so rootless without the Bible in their lives to keep them
centered. She’s concerned about grounded ... and growing spiritually.
others and so should the reader
of this letter!
Once again, God’s Word is
presented as the solution for a Even the ones who say theyʼre Christians and believe in the Bible, rarely read it. Because of that,
“restless and rootless”
generation. in my mind, theyʼve already got one foot on that spirituality train ... and we all know where that
train is headed! In fact, it seems like people will read just about everything but the Bible—including
Benefit to young people
knowing God’s Word. books about the Bible. But really, only the Bible—when allowed to go deep in your spirit and mixed
with faith—has life.

She’s young and is thinking

about the next generation(s)...it’s But itʼs not just my own generation Iʼm concerned about. Iʼm thinking about the next one. And
a subtle challenger to older
donors to also invest in the
about the world theyʼll inherit. And when I do, my heart becomes very troubled.
coming generations.
Very imp. sentence. Would
have liked to set this one off by After all, my generation has chosen to walk away from our roots, but the children theyʼre bringing
itself but space was limited so I into the world wonʼt have any Christian roots to walk away from!
couldn’t. This taps into emotion
of Fear...a very imp. motivator.
Another imp. sentence
because older generations tend to
think they’re not needed or
wanted by younger generation Thatʼs why both generations–yours and mine–need each other. We need your godly wisdom and
This is a clear plea to that includes how to bring up G-rated (God-rated) children in an X-rated world—a world that was
generational reconciliation. bequeathed to us by the “Make love, Not war” ʻ60ʼs generation.
Cites specific biblical quality
older generation (reader) can give
this gen.
This statement is directed to
boomers--many of whom are
missing their God-given mandate
to mentor because they’re buying
into the false culture of perennial
youth.
And speaking of love, how about the real thing … like not giving us everything we want or trying to
be our “friends” (like too many moms and dads try to be). In other words, give us less materialism
Clear benefit of “joining
forces” - “we” have something to
and more mentoring!
give you too. It’s not just a one-
way street!
Imp. phrase--a mantra that
will be repeated in future appeals.
Authenticity is a huge cry In exchange, we can lend you our passion, our youthful zeal, our “Imagineering”! A verse in the
among younger generation Book of Joel reads, “Your old men shall dream dreams, your young men shall see visions.” I donʼt
This entire paragraph is a think these two things are supposed to happen in isolation.
short tutorial, intended to
educate older generation on how
younger generation thinks and
feel, and what they respond to. Besides spiritual mothers and fathers, we need exactly what I see Back to the Bible doing to
engage our generation in Godʼs Word, and that is the development of new and exciting outreach
This statement is intended to
allay the fears of this older donor tools. After all, weʼre a very visual generation. Weʼre also turned off by anything thatʼs too
that in trying to reach the “churchy” or inauthentic. Finally, despite our exaggerated sense of self-esteem—or perhaps
younger generation, BttB will because of it—what we really want is to be challenged by a Kingdom vision thatʼs bigger than our
somehow water down the Word of
God. (A very real fear they have.)
own need for personal happiness or self-ambition.
“Let you in on a secret” -
always an effective phrase in
appeal letters.
Carefully chosen scripture
After all, personal happiness is a by-product—not the reason weʼre drawn to God! Thatʼs why I like
verse intended to be yet another the fact that Back to the Bible is so committed to not compromise the integrity of Godʼs Word. So
“call to arms” for older gen many churches and ministries try to be so relevant theyʼve made the Bible irrelevant.
(reader of this letter) to help the
younger generation.
P.S. Many schools of thought
on the P.S. Some say it’s no
longer needed since letters are no
I hope you havenʼt minded me sharing my heart like this. Besides wanting to tell you how much
longer hand written; ergo an this ministry has helped me personally, I also wanted to let you in on a little secret: we may act like
“afterthought” like this looks we donʼt need what you spiritual mothers and fathers have to impart to us, but we do …
unnatural. I disagree as I believe desperately.
people still use the P.S in their
personal correspondence for
reasons other than an
“afterthought.” Plus studies show In fact, Iʼd say weʼre about as desperate as King David when he cried out, “Even when I am old
readers of appeal letters still scan
to the P.S. almost immediately
and gray, do not forsake me, O God, till I declare your power to the next generation, your might to
after opening. Plus, let’s face it, all who are to come” (Psalm 71:18).
it’s an effective way to get in the
last ask!
Once again, setting up the In passionate pursuit,
idea of self-sacrifice. If this
struggling young family can give,
so can this donor!
P.S. My husband and I really donʼt have much to give every month on just one salary. But we do
Subtle benefit of giving.
give faithfully to this ministry, and I believe God honors that! Wonʼt you please join us and become
“Join us” - We’re in this a monthly supporter of this wonderful ministry? The next generation will thank you!
together...this isn’t just my cause
but “ours.”
Melissa Zoeller
SECOND AND FINAL ASK.