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Family Interview and Assessment

Sheryl A. Gagnon

Brigham Young University - Idaho

Family Stress and Coping

Allison Hicken

4/29/2020
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Family Description

My nephew Derek, and his wife, Jenny, have been married for 13 years. They have three

children; 2 girls (ages 10 & 8) and a boy (age 3). Derek works in a high-level corporate job and

travels often. Jenny has a social work degree but chooses to stay at home with her children. They

have been homeschooling the children for two years. They attend a non-denominational

Christian church and actively participate in church activities. I set up a time to talk with Derek

and Jenny in their home to ask them questions about their experiences over the last year.

Stressor Event Summary

Last year Derek and Jenny bought a second home in northern Michigan, approximately

three hours from their home. They worked tirelessly to renovate the cabin on their own, with

minimal help. They decorated and made it beautiful. They intended to rent it out year-round.

Snowmobilers and skiers, hunters, and vacationers would be able to rent the house. They saw it

as not only an opportunity to enjoy a home up north on a pleasant river but also to use this as a

resource to pay for itself. They hired a cleaning service to come in between renters to clean and

report any damages. This system would allow them to know which renter was responsible and

could then bill them appropriately.

They started renting it last winter and have had nothing but problems. Jenny commented

that they were very naïve, thinking that this experience would be no big deal. The reality was so

much work. Derek was gone all the time to fix problems and deal with issues. While Derek was

always gone, Jenny felt that she never got a break from caregiving. As a home school mom, she

was carrying the sole burden of caring for the kids and the home. Sometimes when Derek would

come home from the cabin, he would be grumpy and tired from all the work. Derek praises

Jenny’s grace in handling the situation. Many times, she would give him some space to relax,
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and other times she would express her need to take a break. Another compounding issue was that

they had very little time together. Communication was key for them.

The stress compounded as every renter seemed to break or ruin something. The cleaning

service was not doing a thorough job, and they subsequently could not bill anyone for damages.

Derek had to make several trips to try and repair the damage. When the repairs were extensive,

Jenny and the kids would join Derek and mingle family fun at the cabin with the repairs.

Covid-19 complicated things when the governor of our state prohibited anyone from

traveling to a second home. They had to navigate between canceling some reservations and

figuring out how to have the home cleaned after some renters left. There was also a significant

need when repairs were required while renters were in the home. They simply ignored the order

as the repairs were necessary. Some examples of issues that arose with guests were renting were:

a power outage, the water heater going out, broken door lock, and others. Jenny and Derek both

agree that distance was probably the biggest factor of their stress.

During this time, Derek’s parents spent a weekend at the cabin with them. His father is a

realtor, and they were talking about all the cabin improvements and the stunning transformation

Derek and Jenny had made. He mentioned what it might be worth if they sold the home as it was,

furnishings and all. They realized that it might be worth enough for them to sell it and pay off the

existing mortgage on their current home. They both viewed the event as a great learning

situation.

Model Integration

Koos (as cited in Williams, 2013) identified different profiles of trouble. One, in

particular, Koos (as cited in Williams, 2013) outlines when a family experiences stress, family

interactions become strained, but post-trouble the interaction rises to higher levels than precrisis.
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Derek and Jenny both felt they had a solid marriage and good communication skills. It was due

to this reason they felt they could tackle the big task of remodeling the cabin and rent it out. The

stress proved to be substantial. Their interaction dipped far below what they were used to,

specifically within the marital dyad. However, the challenge helped them follow Koos' (as cited

in Williams, 2013) description of trouble proofing their family with clearly define roles, focus on

the common good of the family, and working to preserve their relationships. Their post-crisis

interactions and outlook are more positive than before they purchased the cabin.

Hill (as cited in Williams, 2013) theorized that some families fall into crisis while others

avoid it using his ABCX model. While remodeling the cabin had some minor stress associated

with it, the real stressor event (A) was catalyzed when they started renting the cabin. The family

met the crisis with the resources (B) they had. Derek and Jenny had enough finances to make

repairs to the cabin and Jenny's father is a contractor by trade. He was a fantastic guide for tough

problems. He even came and helped with some of the work a few times. Homeschooling

provided the flexibility to allow for more family togetherness during longer periods of repair

time. They also felt that God was a source of strength for them to realize what is most important

in life. Derek's father was another resource that helped them realize that they could sell the cabin

for a profit.

When Jenny commented that the distance was the worst part, she was defining her

perception of the events (C), according to Hill (as cited in Williams, 2013). Derek agreed that

had the cabin only been 30 minutes away, stressors would have been viewed differently. The

next biggest problem was renters calling all the time to ask a myriad of questions. The marital

dyad felt this was a huge infringement on their privacy and time.
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While renovating, Jenny said they were a good team; “he knows what to do with the

structural and I am the design and décor. He would say we are going to put in a bathroom on the

second floor, and I would go pick out what we needed. We would narrow down options with our

budget. We did great planning ahead of time." They decorated as if they were going to live there,

after all, they were going to be using it several times a year. However, when the renters began to

break things, and the cleaning service never reported it. They felt even more disheartened

because they went to great lengths to make it beautiful. The phone calls, damage, and poor

cleaning service are a perfect example of what McCubbin and McCubbin (as cited in Weber,

2011) describe as pile-up demands in their Family Typology Model. These pile-ups created more

of a strain, making the family more vulnerable (as cited in Weber, 2011).

Derek and Jenny had good problem-solving skills and coping mechanisms that allowed

them to adjust and eventually adapt. According to McCubbin & McCubbin (as cited in Weber,

2011), the family typology, resources, view of the situation, and problem-solving skills feed into

one another to end in maladjustment or bonadjustment.

Family Resilience

Walsh (1998) identifies that good leadership skills and nurturing benefit family

resiliency. Jenny commented that the kids were used to Derek traveling, and when he was home,

they made the best of their time together to nurture and build one another up. The marital dyad

was rooted in mutual respect for one another and considered themselves equal partners by using

their unique talents to benefit the project and the family. When there were times of disagreement,

they sought ingenuity and humor to resolve the difference. Jenny laughs as she recalls the

'dreaded kitchen cabinets.' She wanted to do blue cabinets and have gold accents. Derek was

against it. Neither wanted to budge. Jenny said that she is very easy going and is happy to go
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along with Derek's ideas, but this one an instance she wanted him to trust her opinion. He agreed

and said they got creative and did an online poll about the cabinets and let their friends vote on it.

Jenny won by an overwhelming margin. They put in the blue cabinets. Derek had to admit, as

they both laughed, "she was right, the cabinets looked fantastic.” Walsh (1998) identifies this

collaboration and relationship repair as crucial for connectedness.

Family strengths also include a strong belief system, which Walsh (1998) identifies as

spirituality that allows for a perspective in a grand scope or greater value. Walsh (1998) also

includes a spiritual transformation as families grow and learn from adversity. Another concept

that Derek and Jenny utilized was reframing their situation and honed good storytelling skills

(Walsh, 1998). The couple felt that the whole experience was both a blessing and a learning

experience. They expressed learning what to do and not to do and counted that as an educational

experience. Even though it was a rental nightmare, they label it as having been a fun adventure.

Jenny commented, “Our family had a great time having a get-away. While we had no

intention of selling, it turned out to be a huge blessing.” Derek explained that due to the

pandemic, he has lost all his commission, which is a huge part of their income. He said, "This

feels like God’s timing. I am curious about the future of my job. We feel that God led us to sell

and pay off our house for a reason. God is taking care of us ahead of time.”

This looking to the future and not dwelling on the past is part of the flexibility described

by Walsh (1998, p. 66) as “bouncing forward." Derek expressed that, at first, it was difficult

because he added up the planned rental sales for the summer and saw how much he could have

made. Together, the marital dyad reaffirmed their decision by looking at the positives together

and the relief of less burden they have to carry.

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References

Walsh, F. (1998). Organizational Processes: Strengthening family resilience: Family shock

absorbers. The Guilford Press.

Weber, J. G., (2011). Individual and family stress and crises: The family adjustment and

adaptation response (FAAR) model. SAGE Publications, Inc.

Williams, M. D. (2013). Family stress & coping. Brigham Young University-Idaho Press.