Documentary on Emotional Intelligence: What are

your emotions not telling you?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B-ieqbSSrnY

There is no true success without emotional success yet of the more than three
thousand emotions that we have words to describe the average person
experience is only about a dozen different ones in the course of an average week,
we must remember that this doesn't reflect our emotional capacity, but rather
the limitations of our present patterns of focus, there are 3,000 words in the
English thesaurus that describe various emotions in that 1051 words describe
positive emotions while 2086 almost twice as many describe negative emotions
but what this means is that we've made so many words to describe an unpleasant
emotion, and we tend to focus more on what is unpleasant about life, then
looking at the bright side.

life is an emotional experience, the quality of emotion you experience every day
ultimately determines the quality of your life, and above all your happiness
depends on it, one key problem with most people is that they're not able to
understand what they feel or they find it hard to name their emotions this is a
place where you need to become emotionally intelligent and become emotionally
aware of the feelings you're experiencing emotional intelligence is your ability to
identify what you're feeling, why you're feeling it and how your feelings not only
affect you but all those around you so when we learn to become more
emotionally intelligent we begin to master self really know thyself and understand
what it is that is keeping you stuff what limits you and what triggers you what get
you angry, what gets you sad and hurt what causes you to think so personally so
when you are improving, your emotional intelligence what that will allow you to
do is become less reactive and more interactive with conversations when you're
in control of your emotions you're emotionally intelligent when emotions are
controlling you, you're acting irrational and emotionally enslaved the only way
to effectively use your emotions is to understand how they all serve you, you
must learn from your emotions and use them to create the results you want,
emotions are action signals, very often their meanings are hidden and we seldom
ignore these hidden messages there's so much to learn from an emotion even the
unpleasant emotions all emotions are a call for action once you're familiar with
the hidden messages in emotion and it's action signal your unpleasant emotions
can become your ally learning to use these signals frees you from the fears and
allows you to experience all the richness of which we humans are capable there
are hidden messages in every emotion we're aware of the messages behind our
pleasant emotions but we're not well aware of the messages behind our
unpleasant emotions when we do not understand our emotions they become
unpleasant experiences to us. all negative emotions contain within them positive
messages or instructions that can help us grow as better human beings we
experience emotions for several reasons, we experience them because emotions
are the language of the subconscious mind, we can master our negative
unpleasant emotions when we learn how they serve us rather than enslave us
let's look at the emotion. 4.30
hurt
hurt for example as we make our journey through life, none of us escapes being
hurt ,these painful feelings arise when we experience loss, it could be a loss of
trust or an expectation that is not being met by us or by others who are dear to us
you're likely to feel hurt when you're betrayed badly treated or ignored by people
you care about it hurts when they're insensitive to your needs there or we feel
disappointed and we communicate the feeling of hurt through various emotions
like pain or anger what is the hidden message in hurt Benjamin Franklin said those
things that hurt instruct”, the message in hurt is that your expectations have not
been met many times this feeling arises when we've expected somebody to keep
their word and they didn't in this case you feel a loss of intimacy with this person
maybe a loss of trust this sense of loss is what creates the feeling of hurt the
solution is to realize that in reality you may not have lost anything maybe what
you need to lose is the false perception that this person is trying to wound you or
hurt you maybe they don't realize the impact of their actions on your life in reality
most people are ignorant about the impact of their words and deeds in other
people's lives secondly communicate with the individuals who's hurting you and
tell them how you feel communicate your expectations with other people people
will not know your expectations until you tell them, certain things are valuable to
you but they may not be valuable to other people our values are different
communicate your values to others especially your dear ones, let them know
what's important to you and what your expectations of other sare we feel angry.
Angry 6.21
we feel angry feel angry when we're hurt what does anger teach us, how can
anger serve us rather than aggravate more chaos, you feel angry when you take
offense at being hurt or experiencing loss, angry feelings arise, when you feel
helpless, threatened, deprived or unfairly treated.

anger is a physiological sensation due to the biochemical reaction in your body

adrenaline is created in the body as a protective mechanism that prepares our
body to fight against the attack, bodily tension and other disturbing emotions
often accompany anger, you can experience frustration, irritability, annoy,
anceresentment, hatred or even rage at various levels, you may be choosing to
react with anger in a dominating manner rather than feel hurt because you
perceive hurt as a sign of vulnerability, anger keeps people at a distance and this
enables you to conceal your vulnerability, in fact anger is nothing but a shield that
covers your underlying fears and hurts, inside a short-tempered person there is
unsettling hurt, frustration and a cry for help. The hidden message in anger is that
an important rule or standard that you hold for your life, has been violated by
someone else or maybe even by you, you feel angry with certain standards on
that when some of the rules you have about life are violated you feel angry and
rage.

Most anger isn't happening in the actual context of what's going on it's an old
story coming up an old hurt an old wound an old concern am, irespected enough
am i cared for enough how dare they all these things are the child Minds they're
the ego mind I just call it the drama mind the thing that wants to make something
a bigger problem than it really is because you have no perspective on life about
that as you've traveled or you've experienced more in life you've realized a lot of
people have a very difficult out in life, you've realized there's a lot of poverty
realize there's a lot of struggles, you realize there's a lot of hurt and pain and
hopefully that gives, you some perspective to say geez somebody cutting me off
isn't such a big deal anymore because here's the reality especially if you keep
getting angry about the same thing over and over and over again you are a victim
of the drama mind and that victim is you, you have the ability to turn that off and
the way you do is wait you enlarge the gap of time between stimulus and
response that's where all self mastery comes from enlarging the time between
stimulus and response so now it's not the drama mind it's not the impulsive mind
it's the intentional mind, anger is no way of telling other people that you're right
and others are wrong, anger is not the display of superiority the loud, cry of an
unsettling hurt.

Frustration 9:33

see anger is a secondary emotion the primary emotion is frustration primary

emotions frustration is wanting something and not getting it, I want to have a
certain thing happen, I want to get this thing, I want to experience a certain
opportunity or a thing happen in my life, if you want to get past anger you have to
stop it at frustration, it's okay to want what you want but you got to quit that
negative thinking, that negative self-talk pattern of your bad I'm going to punish,
you see the moment you start to make that demand I've got to have my way, and
then blaming them you're the problem you're what's wrong here, when you do
that you automatically get sucked into the drama. you experience the emotion of
frustration due to your rigid beliefs and thinking, when frustrations hit you and
surely they will on many occasions, remember to become more flexible and
adaptive to change your viewpoints on something that are currently producing
negative results, the message in frustration and disappointment is that your brain
believes you could be doing better than you currently are, frustration is very
different from disappointment which is the feeling that there's something you
want in your life which you'll never get it, constant frustration means that the
solution to your problem is within range but what you are currently doing isn't
working and you need to change your approach in order to achieve your goal,
take care of your frustrations in life, it's a way life is teaching you that your life is
off the track and off the course; when you're not using your talents gifts and
resources to the full extent you become frustrated, when you don't get the results
you want you get frustrated, sometimes you can experience this emotion without
any trigger when you focus too much on life's problems you can get frustrated,
constant irritability feeling of annoyance, discomfort and a state of unhappiness
stems up as a result of continuing frustrations as frustration grows and when you
begin to accept helplessness as a result a no their major emotional state strikes
you that's called the Big D depression
Depression 11:45

when you suffer pain and loss and do not express and resolve your feelings of
helplessness, hurt, anger and grief; you will eventually experience depression.
when you're depressed you tend to focus on your losses your inner emptiness
unfulfilled dreams and problems you may experience a feeling of helplessness
and worthlessness. according to Martin Seligman the father of positive
psychology in his book learned optimism he writes "a pessimistic explanatory
style is it the core of all depressed thinking a negative concept of the future the
self in the world stems from seeing the causes of bad events as permanent,
pervasive and personal and seeing the causes of good events in the opposite
way”, the state of depression is sending a strong message the hidden message in
depression is to find a purpose in life the message is invoking the depressed to
reevaluate what is absolutely important to them, if anyone is paying more
attention to minor things in life ignoring the majors, then that is the primary
reason to make someone feel depressed in the first place. Depression sends the
message to prioritize what is important to you instead of feeling burdened and
helpless, those who lose sight of their priorities in life will always feel burdened
and they feel sick most of the time, people who are depressed are the most
ungrateful people on earth, they don't focus on their blessings, they look at
what's missing and they whine about what's lost and seldom think about what
can be gained, we tend to experience depression when another emotion is not
well handled by us, that emotion is grief; grief occurs when we experience a
major loss, grief happens when you feel like there's no empowering meaning for
something that has happened or that your life is being negatively impacted by
people, events or forces that are outside your control, the excruciating pain of
losing a loved one can be most severe suffering we ever endure, the answer to
grief is acceptance; accept the things, that can't be changed and change the
things that can't be accepted, when you feel that it's appropriate to start letting
go of grief, start focusing on what you can control and realize that there must be
some empowering meaning to it all, even though you can't comprehend it yet,
what stops us from expressing the emotion of grieving is the emotion of fear.

Fear 14:15
fear is nature's way of protecting you from real and current danger It prepares
you to escape from harm fearful emotions include everything from low levels of
concern and apprehension to intense worry anxiety flight and even terror the
message is fear is simply the anticipation that's something that's going to happen
soon needs to be prepared for fear is telling you to be prepared to deal with
something negative or uncomfortable from happening it's telling you to prepare
for your plan B or the worst case scenario don't permit fear to control your life
absolu refuse to someone said fear knock on the door face open it there was low
there was no one there you see you eliminate fear through intelligent action Jase
the thing you fear and fear will leave you fears caused by the unknown if there's
something you're afraid of go study up understand it talk to someone who's a
professional in that particular area but for goodness sake don't let it control your
life any more think of the people that are afraid to go into their own business
they're afraid to move to the place they'dreally like to go they're afraid to ask the
girl or theguy for a date what are they doing their life is drying up and shrinking
we'reonly here for a short time make it a good get rid of the fear station a state of
emotion that can disconnect us from the rest of the world is the emotion of
lonelinesswe all suffer the misery of lonelinessat some time in our lives you feel
lonely when you experience yourself and separate and disconnected from others
when the pain of isolation is overwhelming you feel heart brokeloneliness is an
authentic sign of unfulfilled social and intimacy needs when you are emotionally
unavailable to people you detach yourself from people and as a result you'll
experiencel one liness and boredom you have the urge to connect with other
people but you have fears that stop you from connecting with other people as a
result you with draw into yourselves making your selfunreachable and unavailable
to people who love you many irrational ideas anassumptions lead to the feelings
of loneliness
loneliness

including thoughts like no

one likes me there's no one available

and everyone is busy and selfish with

their lives and they have no time for me

loneliness can be temporary but

emotional isolation and social phobia

can become clinical cases the message of

loneliness is that it's time to connect

with people it means you really care

about people and you love to be with

them you need to find out what kind of

connection you need with somebody right

now and then take action immediately to

make that happen it means you need to

start enjoying the pleasure of

companionship loneliness is telling you

to overcome all your fears about

trusting people all negative emotions

ask you to change your perceptions they

tell you to change the meaning you

associate with things events or people

certain things if you continue to view

them as painful they'll be painful to

you all through your life if you can

change the meaning attached to almost

anything then you can change the

experience itself one of the dangerous

emotions that can take away your drive

to live a fuller life is the emotion of

self inadequacy or unworthiness the

feeling of unworthiness occurs anytime

we feel we can't do something we should

be able to do this emotion of self

inadequacy is sending you a strong

message pleading you to work on yourself

this is a personal development message

that if you work on certain areas you'll

become better at it and you can achieve

your desired outcome

the message of unworthy feelings is that

you don't presently have a level of

skill or aptitude necessary for the task

at hand it's telling you that you need

more information understanding knowledge

strategies tools and confidence it's an

invitation to build skills to tackle

challenges that are overwhelming one of

the fastest ways to build

self-confidence is to think through

clearly who you are and what you want to

think about the skills that you will

need to build a wonderful life and

career and then to work every day on

becoming better and better at something

that is important to you what happens is

as as you feel better and better in

these skill areas people will compliment

you and say you know you're very good at

that or you did a good job at that or

they'll stand back and be amazed and as

they admire you for your improving

skills your self confidence in your

ability to do that thing goes up and up

when you stop focusing on your growth

and start getting bothered about other

people's growth a person will become

envious Envy is a self destructive

emotion envy results from feeling

deprived not necessarily because you

don't have enough but because someone

has more being around people who are

happy healthy or wealthy when you are in

pain stricken with a debilitating

illness or deprived of an income can

easily stir feelings of envy when you

feel envious interrogate yourself unlock

the boons from this unpleasant emotion

ask yourself some self-improvement

questions how can I make my life better

than what it used to be what are my new

goals and what course of action must I

take to fulfill my goals

what skills must I develop in order to

succeed what is it that I can do to

contribute to the world the emotion of

guilt regret and Ramon

are among the emotions human beings do

most to avoid in life and this is

valuable healthy guilt occurs when you

hurt or wronged another person or

yourself you regret your actions and

feel undeserving wrong stupid ashamed

sorry or disappointed in yourself it

occurs when your anger is turned inward

when you experience the emotion of guilt

it tells you to fix certain things in

life that are fixable and solvable it

invokes your commitment to rise above

your expectations it tells you never

again it tells you no more of this or

enough is enough you feel regretful when

you didn't take the action you should

have or you took the wrong move

violating your gut feelings guilt tells

you that you violated one of your own

highest standards and that you must do

something immediately to ensure that

you're not going to violate that

standard again in the future when guilt

is not handled properly it can turn into

resentment

unforgiveness is a toxic

emotion because it does more harm to the

person who is not willing to forgive

forgiveness can be a very difficult step

but one that may be essential to your

getting emotional closure forgiveness is

a liberating experience forgiveness sets

you free remember to analyze these you

haven't forgiven when you still have

regrets when you're not on talking terms

with someone when you still hold grudges

towards someone when you still hold

someone responsible for all your

problems when you still have not

accepted the reality when you hold

negative energy towards someone or

something or when you say I can't forget

the things he or she has done to me

forgiveness really means letting go well

the reality is if you go through life

you're going to be hurt the reality is

every single one of us as human being

has our weaknesses and we do the best

that we can do based on where we are at

in our level of consciousness and there

level of humanity and so if someone has

hurt you and we've all been hurt if

someone has hurt you

please first of all just remember they

were doing the best that they knew how

to do based on where they are at in

their journey through life so forgiving

them is something that not only do they

deserve but forgiving them as a gift you

give yourself I once heard someone say

when you're going through life

I'm not having forgiven someone that has

really hurt you it's like you're

carrying that person through life on

your back forgiveness is not a feeling

that you must passively wait to watch

over you it is a deliberate choice to

free yourself from the burden of

bitterness anger and hatred when you

forgive someone you're literally setting

a prisoner free the greatest human goal

is peace of mind and the greatest

obstacle to peace of mind is anger and

blame aimed at other people in order to

eliminate anger and blame you have to

learn to forgive and there are four

people that you need to forgive if

you're really serious about changing

your life and learning how to live in

the present the first people you have to

forgive are your parents living or dead

you must absolutely forgive them for

every mistake they ever made in bringing

you up at the very least you should be

grateful to them for giving you life

they got you here if you're happy to be

alive you can forgive them for

everything else never complain about

them again

the second persons you must forgive are

the people from your marriages or

relationships that didn't work out these

intimate relationships can be so intense

and so threatening to your feelings of

self-esteem and self-worth that you can

become angry and unforgiving toward

these people for years but remember you

were at least partially responsible for

the relationships in your life that

didn't work out have the personal

strength and integrity to say those

magic words I am responsible

and then think of ways that you were

responsible for the relationship rather

than thinking of reasons why the other

person is to blame forgive the other

person and let him or her go say these

words I forgive him or her for

everything and I wish him or her well

each time you repeat this but negative

emotion attached to the memory looked

diminished

almost like turning down the heat on a

pot it gets cooler and cooler and soon

it will be gone forever

now the third person you must forgive is

everyone else in your life who has ever

hurt you in any way

let them go forgive every boss every

business partner friend or crook or

betrayer who has ever caused you grief

of any kind clean the slate and forgive

and forget wipe away each of their names

and wipe the images off by just saying

whenever you think of I forgive him or

her for everything I wish them well I

forgive them for everything and I wish

them well the fourth and final person

you have to forgive is yourself you must

absolutely forgive yourself for every

silly senseless wicked brainless

thoughtless or cool thing that you've

ever done or said stop carrying these

past mistakes around with you that was

then and this is now think of it this

way when you did those things in the

past that you still feel badly about you

were not the person that you are today

at that time you're a different person

you're younger and less experienced you

are not your true self as you are today

you were an immature version of the

person that you have become with

experience so stop beating yourself up

for something that occurred in the past

something that a different person did

not you and something that you cannot

change take control of your emotions

name them tame them and use them to

direct your life to greater advantage

when you feel an unpleasant emotion talk

back to that emotion when you feel angry

ask yourself a question what am i angry

about when you feel low ask yourself

what am i sad about how can I be joyful

at this very moment one of these

feelings trying to teach me what is the

hidden message in this emotion you are

the source of all your feelings they're

always responsible for your emotional

responses so make your primary focus

internal blaming others for your

feelings is a waste of your energy

remember people and situations can only

trigger what is already inside you when

you get angry people are triggering the

existing anger inside you when you feel

sad people and situations are already

triggering the sadness inside you you

laugh when your inner joy is turned on

next time when you're triggered to

experience an unpleasant emotion you can

ask what do I need and want above all

else here what are my options here

what's the best way to deal with these

feelings right now

what's the best way to resolve these

recurring feelings when you

intelligently respond to your emotions

you can find the hidden messages of what

that emotion is trying to communicate to

you