Lecture 8: Domestic Harmony

What are your expectation of marriage/building a family?

To gain the pleasure of Allah S.W.T other than to increase the ummah,
maintaining dignity, bringing closer relatives, harmonizing society and becoming a
more responsible individual.

To form a harmonious, loving family, help each other. Such a household will be a
solid foundation for the formation of a good and glorious society.

Adds more spiritual strength, devotion in worship as well devotion to Allah S.W.T.
Through marriage can soothes the lustful feelings that swell in the human soul.
Similarly, it can reconcile the psychological worries because all life problems can
be shared with their spouses.

Do you think men and women have equal roles in marriage / a family? Why?

The Qur'an teaches the husband to treat his wife in a good way, both from a
customary point of view and more importantly, based on the Shari'ah. Jumhur
ulama think it is obligatory for a husband to serve his wife who is incapable or ill
and unable to manage herself. This also includes doing housework in accordance
with the abilities, energy and time that can be given while at home.

It is done with understanding the duties and responsibilities and the reality of life
together. This includes maintaining the dignity of oneself, husband and family. In
general, the role of the wife is also to take care of household affairs. However, the
role of the wife is not just that. More importantly, educating, nurturing and
guiding children.

The wife should obey the husband in all matters as long as it is not contrary to the
teachings of Islam. This is contrary to the nature of nusyus which means the wife
who refuses to obey the orders or requests of the husband who is legal in Islamic
terms.

The most important thing is the cooperation and understanding between

husband and wife in managing their household so that it becomes a harmonious
household in accordance with the teachings of Islam. So, in my opinion, husband
and wife have equal roles in marriage.

In what way, do you think is the best way to resolve domestic conflict?

First, do tabayyun (clarification). In this case, tabayyun is used as an attempt to

find clarity and clarified on an information, especially information that is still
intersecting clarity, which can lead to slander and conflict. Spirit tabayyun is
mentioned in the Qur'an to test the truth of information from a wicked person.

Second, do tahkim (mediation effort). In this case, the tahkim effort is done as
one of the ways to reconcile the two parties who are in conflict by bringing a
mediator as a peacemaker, as said in the Qur'an. As a note, that a mediator
should ‘stand in the middle’. That is, without favor and sympathy for one of the
parties in the conflict. It should push the two parties towards peace.

Third, do syura (deliberation). This effort is taken to solve the problem (find a
solution) by making a joint decision.

Fourth, the attitude of al-'afwu (forgiving each other). When there is a conflict,
then each party tends to maintain their sectoral ego. Al-'afwu is an early indicator
of the birth of goodness and piety of a person who is able to create conditions of
peace in human life.

Fifth, the determination of al-ishlah (peace). After trying to forgive each other,
then the determination to make peace becomes a must. Because the Qur'an itself
emphasizes peace in theology / belief.