Documente Academic
Documente Profesional
Documente Cultură
Karen Curry
1
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
2
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
3
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
PART 1
4
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
Being a parent has always been an unexpected adventure for me. First
of all, I never expected to get pregnant! Then, I never expected to
have FOUR children! Each day of parenting brings me unexpected
challenges and unforeseen delights!
Parenting has never looked or felt like I thought it would. Most of the
time it has been much more amazing than I ever anticipated. I wasn’t
prepared for the joy of first grins, teeth, steps, giggles, sweet angelic
slumber and the almost adult conversations that I have with my eleven
year old.
I also wasn’t prepared for the colic, the word “NO”, the nightmares,
the bullies, the hurt knees, the sibling fights, or the end-of-the-day
exhaustion.
Wow, what a ride it has been, and I have survived it (so far). I’m not
sure how well I would have survived it, however, without some very
important tools I have learned along the way—especially the
Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT).
EFT has made me a better parent. With EFT I can disengage my own
emotional issues from my children’s. Disengaging my junk from my
relationship with my children has made me a more effective parent.
5
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
I hope that this book gives you the tools that you need to become
emotionally free. Imagine the parent you will become without guilt,
shame, anxiety, stress, worry and fear. EFT will truly set you and
your family free!
Namaste!
Karen
“When you have come to the edge of all the light you have
and must take step into the darkness of the UNKNOWN,
believe that either one of two things will happen to you;
either there will be something solid for you to stand on,
or you will be taught to fly.”
Patrick Overton
6
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
7
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
Happy tapping!
GET READY
TO START
TAPPING!
8
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
EFT has been the polish for me to clean this mirror and keep it
shiny.
9
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
I could just imagine them saying “Look what she let’s her children
do!” or “Doesn’t she SUPERVISE them properly?!”
These were all my fears and my issues that I needed to deal with. I
did not need to them put on my daughter’s shoulders. She didn’t care
about her hair. She liked it short. Yes, we did talk about scissors
safety and self-mutilation, but the rest of the stuff was mine! Had I
known EFT at the time, I could have tapped the whole mess away in a
few short rounds instead of floundering with it for several days until I
got it all clear in my mind!
In the next section of this book, I have given you many practical
applications for EFT in everyday parenting life and included some
real life examples and case studies. I have also included sample set
ups to get you started on specific issues. Many of these examples
come from my own experience.
10
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
No matter how much you tap with your child, you can not change
who they are! But with EFT you can remove your limiting beliefs
and ideas about who your children are and what they can be. EFT
will open your heart to loving your children exactly as they were
created. And what greater gift can you give a child than unconditional
love and acceptance?
11
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
Listed below are some sample setups. Use these or let your child
make up her own. The setup has an infinite number of possible
modifications, so allow your intuition to guide you to the one that
works best in your situation.
OR
Although EFT works best in tough situations, don’t wait until your
child needs EFT to teach her. Create a quiet, teachable moment and
then show her how to use it. When teaching the process, you can
12
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
Practice tapping on the points together. You can also teach a child to
tap on their favorite doll or teddy. Tapping on a doll helps some
children engage with the EFT process more easily, and it makes the
process fun. It’s sure to get a good laugh if mom or dad taps on a
Beanie Baby.
Feel free to get silly with it also. Some kids pretend they are monkeys
when they tap the UA (under the arm) spot. Whatever works!
With young children it helps to adapt the rating method to their level.
Instead of using numbers, hold your hands apart of great distance for
“very bad” and closer together for “not so bad” and completely
together for “all gone.” Children love to do this. They will learn
quickly to say how scared or tired or angry they feel by using their
hands. “I was this scared Daddy (hands wide apart), but now I’m only
this scared (hand very close together).”
13
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
Sometimes a child will resist tapping (older kids especially). It’s too
weird or embarrassing. Or, the child has an emotional investment in
defying you and he knows how badly you want him to tap. No matter
how hard you try (and believe me, I have tried!) you can’t make a
child tap if they don’t want to. Under this circumstance, it is very
important that you remove your emotional attachment to the situation.
So, tap on yourself first.
Once you have brought your emotional intensity down you can then
surrogate tap for your child.
To tap for your child you follow this procedure: simply state, “I am
my child” and then follow through on the setup and tapping sequence
for your child. I don’t know why this works, but it does! I will
discuss surrogate tapping in greater detail later in the book.
You can also tap with your child on resistance to tapping. If they feel
a problem is unsolvable, they may take the attitude that “nothing can
help me.” Simply tap on the fact that tapping won’t work. For
example:
Even though this tapping won’t help me, I’m still going to be OKAY.
or
Even though nothing will help me with this problem, I still like
myself.
14
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
15
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
PART 2
Family before EFT…. Family after EFT….
16
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
Are you anywhere on your own list? If so, where did you rank
yourself?
The first time I did this exercise, I was surprised to find that I didn’t
even make the list. To be honest, it didn’t even occur to me to put
myself anywhere on the list. And I was proud of all the people on my
list whose welfare I was at least partially responsible for. “I am so
nice,” I concluded about myself.
Nice, schmice. I was not nearly as nice as I thought I was. Yes, I put
my kids and my husband first on my list, in that order. But was I
really being nice when I yelled at them because I felt tired? Was I
really being nice when I tried to use guilt so that they would
“appreciate” all the nice things I did for them?
Oh, and was I nice when I fed them McDonald’s burgers because I
felt way too burned out to cook a decent meal?
Hmmmmmm!
I’ll be honest with you. I am the queen, the empress, the Czarina, of
burnout. I was raised to take care of everyone else first, and then to
take care of myself with whatever was left over. I actually pulled this
off for quite a while until I had my third child in a four-year period.
17
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
I struggled to let go and trust that everything was going to be just fine
without me for a few hours.
18
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
These are just a few examples, most of them taken straight from my
very own experience. These limiting beliefs keep us from loving
ourselves the way we deserve to be loved. EFT can address and
19
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
Try the following setups and see how they address your self-care
issues:
Even though I feel guilty leaving the kids, I deeply and completely
love and accept myself.
Even though I believe that I don’t have time to take care of myself, I
deeply and completely love and accept myself.
Even though I know that the house will be a mess when I get back,
and that scares me, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.
Tap on any resistance you may have! Nurturing yourself first is the
greatest gift you can give yourself, your marriage, your children and
even your work. Go on! Take yourself on a date! You’ll thank
yourself later!
20
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
For example, let’s say that you have a child who is consistently being
bullied by a kid at school. As a result, your child has become anxious
and frightened about going to school.
21
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
One way that you might empower the child in dealing with a bully, is
to support him in talking with his teacher about his problem. Or
perhaps you might encourage your child to gather a group of kids to
walk to and from school with him. Whatever creative situation you
create with your child, if you empower your child, odds are he will
never manifest another situation with a bully again. And, as he gets
older, he will be more and more comfortable coming to you for
guidance because he will know that you support him in his growth and
desire for independence.
Please note, just because you detached doesn’t mean that you don’t
follow up and check on the bully situation. You may even feel
compelled to hang out at school a bit more yourself. That’s okay.
Just be sure that your fear, anger and concern for the situation doesn’t
overshadow your child’s emotions and their need to handle the
situation for themselves.
One more thing. You may know this already, but whatever your
parents did to you and for you during these developmental stages is
what you will feel tempted to do with your child. Long forgotten
phrases will pop out of your mouth, and you will say in a horrified
tone “Oh my God, I’m turning into my mother!” And you are.
22
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
When you know EFT, and choose to use it, you can eliminate the urge
to react in patterned ways. You have the power to create your own
style of parenting that suits you and your family. You are no longer a
slave to negative conditioning from the past.
While you read the information below you may experience memories
of how your parents handled the same issues with you. Use EFT to
deal with any grief, sadness, anger, or unforgiveness that arises.
Remember that your parents did the best they could with what
information and skills they had available to them. They didn’t know
EFT, but you do.
23
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
(Don’t let any tell you otherwise. It took years of research to prove
that breastfeeding on demand is vital to producing a healthy milk
supply. Scheduled feedings, especially during this time can seriously
affect the quality and quantity of breast milk!)
Because of the intense amount of growth taking place during this vital
stage in development, many babies develop colic. It is hypothesized
that colic is simply a symptom of neurological disorganization due to
the rapid growth of the brain and over-stimulation. Whatever the
cause, if your baby has colic, you’re going to need EFT.
My oldest daughter had colic for several weeks. She would cry every
night from 10:00 p.m. to 2:00 a.m. She would cry. I would cry. My
husband would cry. We all cried! Unfortunately, I didn’t know EFT
at the time but it sure would have helped!
I had always read that many babies are shaken and abused if they have
colic. I didn’t understand this until I actually lived it. When you have
a baby with colic, you can get very over-stimulated and exhausted
yourself. There were many times when I felt like putting a pillow
over my baby’s face. Oh, I loved her so much, but she just kept
screaming and screaming and there was nothing that I could do to stop
it! The guilt and the feeling of powerlessness were overwhelming!
24
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
Even though I feel guilty for not giving my other child(ren) enough
attention…
Even though my tummy hurts and I can’t stop crying, I’m still a
miraculous creation.
25
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
There are many little milestones during the first year of life. I won’t
go into all of them because they can vary quite a bit from baby to
baby. T. Berry Brazelton’s book, Touch Points, is an excellent
resource for information about child development in the first years.
If you have an active, curious walker, you may also have to begin
enforcing disciplinary limits for safety reasons. Disciplining these
curious go-getters presents challenges, because cognitively they do
not have the ability to reason. Believe me, I have spent many hours
trying to explain to small beings why it is not a good idea to climb the
shelf! It never worked! I just had to repeatedly remove the offender
and try to distract him. No easy task, I assure you!
26
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
There are so many new things that happen during this time frame.
During this phase, as many children are put in new social situations
and begin to experience some things separate from their parents, kids
often develop separation anxiety. This can be gut wrenching for both
parent and child. (For more information, see the section on EFT and
Separation Anxiety).
27
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
Many children this age begin to potty train, bringing more challenges
for parents. I have read that most toddlers who get abused by parental
figures are hurt while potty training. I didn’t understand this until I
experienced it myself. Once again, my oldest daughter taught me
many, many lessons about waiting until the child is ready.
She also taught me a lot about power and revenge. There is no greater
test of unconditional love than when a scowling two year old stares
you dead straight in the eye and intentionally pees on your carpet right
in front of you.
Two year olds sometimes start to give up their naps, and this drives
many parents over the edge. First of all, your schedule and routine
changes. Secondly, most children go through a six-month period of
transition when they give up a nap. Some kids are very tired and
cranky at the end of the day without a nap but stay up until midnight
should they fall asleep any later than midday. Others can manage to
stay awake until you have to make a late afternoon car ride. Then the
child zonks out for an hour while you drive through traffic, leaving
you with a very awake toddler who has enough energy to ring in the
next day. Either way, it can by trying.
(Just a quick note…I don’t intend to focus only on the negative here.
With each age and stage there are beautiful and exciting changes that
happen in your child. It is a blessed miracle to watch your child’s
personality unfold. By removing the negative emotions that
inevitably come with parenting, especially when you are parenting
without an extended family or community to support you, you can
truly begin to enjoy and cherish each special moment with your child.
As I write this, I am laughing at the memories of some of my
parenting challenges. They seem so small now in retrospect.
Although at the time when I experienced them, I thought they might
mean the end of me and my sanity. I wish I had been able to put them
in perspective when I was in the thick of things. EFT can help you
28
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
Some other interesting challenges that you may see around two are
unsociable behavior, repeated use of the phrase “mine”, biting and
hitting. Two-year-olds aren’t ready to play with other kids. During
this time, I encourage parents to allow a child to behave “selfishly”
and not be forced to share. It’s just too hard for the child to
understand. Sharing is developmentally appropriate when a child is
closer to four years old. Trust that a child who has been allowed to
manage her own property will gladly share later on down the road.
So, on that note, here are some setups to try for yourself:
Even though I am so angry with my child for saying “no” all the
time…
29
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
Even though I’m frustrated when my child says they don’t have to
pee, and I KNOW that they do…
Even though I miss MY quiet time in the afternoon and I need some
time to myself…
Even though I’m afraid other people will think I’m a bad parent if I
don’t force my child to share…
Here are some setups to try with your child. You may have to do
these surrogately when the child is sleeping.
30
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
Even though I don’t like it when other kids come close to my toys…
Four-year-olds can act moody and they enjoy experimenting with the
full range of human emotions. Never let a four-year-old cry in front
of a mirror! They can entertain themselves endlessly with a long
series of sad faces. Four is a wonderful time to teach children about
emotions and how to express them!
31
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
Four year olds love potty language. They embrace phrases like “poo-
poo”, “pee-pee”, “fart”, and take great pride in learning how to burp,
the louder the better. They also like to stick the word “head” onto any
other word they can. Some examples include brocoli-head, poo-poo
head, donkey-head, baseball-head, kitty-cat-head, etc. Use your
imagination. I promise you your four-year-old will use hers!
32
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
Patience and emotional teflon are the greatest tools for the parent of a
four-year-old. It is vital that you not give too much attention to the
wild fluctuations of a four-year-old. If you refrain from reacting, and
gently remind the four-year-old that potty talk is to be done in the
bathroom, then the behavior will probably go away sooner. If you
spend a lot of time shaming the child and focusing on the negative
behavior, you will only be reinforcing the behavior and making it last
longer.
Even though I know my four year old is lying to me and I’m worried
about her future, and I’m afraid she will develop into a criminal
anti-social monster, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.
Even though I feel stupid because my child denies that she is lying
and I know she is…
33
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
Children by the age of four can easily master EFT. If fact, they love it
because it gives them power to control themselves. Teach them to
surrogate tap for others and it will double their pleasure!
34
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
Except for a few bumps related to school (see EFT and Self-Esteem)
most kids this age have an easier time than your typical four-year-old
does.
35
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
Around this age kids begin to develop a conscience. You must model
and discuss morality and ethics. If your child employs hurtful
behavior, appeal to his conscience and help him understand the
possible effects that hurting can have on others. This is a great time to
teach children about world peace and prayer. These kids want to do
good for the world!
Enjoy this time! Breathe deep and relish each moment. Don’t push
kids this age to grow up too fast. They don’t really need much,
especially with a day full of school. These guys still need lots of free
time, time to play in the mud, swing until sunset and climb trees.
Limit the number of scheduled, structured activities they partake in.
Read together, go for nature walks, paint and enjoy. They will be
grown faster than you expect.
Pre-teens:
Fasten your seatbelt! If you are currently the parent of a pre-teen then
you know you are in for big changes! Pre-teens resemble four-year-
olds. They want a lot of conflicting things at the same time. Pre-teens
are positioning themselves to begin breaking away from you, and they
often feel ambivalent about it. Not only are they struggling with their
independence, but they are also dealing with hormonal and body
changes as well as changes in the way they relate socially. Many pre-
teens experience their first crushes and love relationships as well as
deepening friendships that can profoundly influence their perception
of reality.
Pre-teens giggle. And they can’t help it. They giggle together. They
giggle on the phone. If they spend the night together, they can giggle
36
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
When I asked him if he was okay, he pulled his head out from under
the bed and I could see that he was crying. He had such a confused
look on his face. With a half-smile half-sob he told me that he didn’t
really know why he was crying, he just was. I nodded my head, gave
him a hug, asked him if he wanted to tap (NO!) and left the room with
a grin on my face.
37
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
EFT is a great tool to help you with any discomfort that you may feel
addressing your child’s questions. Open and honest exchange of
information is vital for kids this age. If you don’t have “the talk” with
them, I promise you they will have “the talk” with their friends. Who
do you want your children to learn from?
Pre-teens may need to sleep more. They are not lazy. The body can
only release growth hormones during sleep. Because of the rapid rate
of growth in their bodies, these kids have to sleep more. And you
may have to help them recognize their growing need for sleep.
Many parents begin to experience the first stages of grief for our
children as they reach this age. This is the beginning of letting go.
These kids are developing adult bodies, their friends seem more
important to them than parents (and they kind of are…), and they are
taking on new challenges and new roles. For many of us, this is the
beginning of the realization that these kids will be growing up and
leaving us.
EFT can help this be a time of celebration for you and your child!
Here are some EFT setups that may be helpful during this time:
38
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
Even though I was a late bloomer and it was hard for me…
39
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
Even though boys pay attention to me and I don’t want them to…
40
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
41
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
I have found that there are two crucial times in a child’s life when
they tend to show the symptoms of low self-esteem. The first period
of time when a child is likely to suffer from low self-esteem is during
the first grade. Usually this occurs more with boys than girls.
In the first grade, children face a new set of challenges that they have
never before encountered. First grade is usually the first time a child
leaves from home the whole day. The days seem very long and for
many kids, it really is too long. More and more school districts have
eliminated from the academic day the free playtime that so essential
for the neurological development of the child. Many kids suffer
physically and emotionally from this lack of free time.
42
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
In the first grade, most children are taught reading and other higher
level academic skills. Contrary to popular belief, reading is not a
knowledge acquisition skill, rather it is a developmental task. What
that means is that children will learn to read easily when they are
developmentally ready to read. For most children this occurs around
the age of eight. Children can master reading at an earlier age but
they struggle with it, experiencing frustration, eyestrain and low self-
esteem.
43
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
So try some of these setups and see what kinds of issues these bring
up for you:
44
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
These are just a few to get you started. Try the ones that resonate for
you and see what some of your triggers for your self-esteem issues
might be. You may be surprised that you have a lot more in common
with your child than you think!
If you think that you have self-esteem issues, take the opportunity to
address these issues together with your child. This is a great chance to
talk about how important self-esteem and positive self-talk are for
achieving success in life. Make an agreement to address self-esteem
issues together and “police” your self-talk together. Monitor the
words and actions that you take and reflect on how these speak to the
state of your self-esteem.
Again, these are just a few examples. Work with your child and
create your own setups that work for you!
45
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
Use EFT to help you rewrite any limiting beliefs that you may have
about your child (our yourself):
46
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
I encourage you to tap on these (and any other setups you may come
up with) by your child’s bed at night when they are asleep. It is so
hard to harbor any limiting beliefs about a child when they are
peacefully slumbering. Look at their beautiful baby face, connect
deeply with the profound love you feel for this little person and tap.
You will be amazed at how simply doing this one exercise will
dramatically improve your child’s self-esteem.
47
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
You can pretend to be somebody else and use EFT for them and it still
works! (In fact, this even works on animals, see www.animalEFT.org
for more details).
If someone is not willing or able to tap for themselves, you can simply
pretend to be that person, tap on your own body and do EFT for them.
What a powerful healing tool this can be for parents!
I was tempted to throw the door open and put an immediate stop to his
banging but I knew that I was now beyond the point where I could
respond effectively as a parent. I knew that if I opened that door, I
would probably spank my son. I had spanked this child before out of
desperation and it NEVER helped anything. When spanked, he would
never cry, but would just look at me with disdain and disgust that I
had sunk to such a low level of response.
48
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
I don’t know why or how this whole process worked but it has worked
for me so many times since then that I can not deny its effectiveness.
Not only does EFT and surrogate EFT eliminate the intense negative
feelings that you can experience as parents but it somehow enhances
the emotional bond between you and your child. I have experienced
the most loving emotions for my children after using EFT. Feeling
and remembering this love for my children has assisted me in being so
much more effective with my teaching and with my discipline. These
emotions have also helped me connect profoundly with my own joy
and delight at being a mother, even when there are dishes in the sink
and a severe shortage of clean underwear!
I have since used surrogate EFT for many issues. I like to go into my
children’s rooms and tap for them while they are asleep, especially
when I know that they have a challenging event coming up in the next
day. I have surrogate tapped for their physical and emotional pain, self
esteem issues, for nightmares, for grief and for stress relief.
I also tap for my children surrogately when they refuse to tap for
themselves. Sometimes, it is developmentally normal for your child
to resist you when you know that tapping will help them. This is
especially true if the child has serious reversal on an issue, meaning
that they would rather maintain the problem than get over it.
49
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
So, I surrogate tap for her on this issue. I’ve had many occasions now
when I tapped for this exact issue for her and the next day she
expressed cognitive shifts in her perception of the situation between
her and the friend. In other words, she felt willing to set better
boundaries and actually changed her behavior in order to do that.
1. Tap on your own emotional involvement first. Make sure that you
are emotionally detached before you go to the next step.
2. With your mind, imagine that you are your child and “tune in” to
their emotional issue.
3. When you can “feel” that you “are” your child, begin tapping for
them. Use the following setup to start with:
If you are dealing with a chronic problem, I encourage you to tap for
your child at night when you are by their bedside. But don’t feel
limited to this.
I have even surrogate tapped for people who were in a different State
or another part of the world I have seen results. If your child does not
50
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
This is a hands-on
book, so I hope you
aren’t just reading!
Start tapping!
You’ll feel better!
51
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
Even older kids need a gentle bedtime. If you have a pre-teen or even
an older teen, you will be surprised at how much they still appreciate a
back rub or even a snuggle. Often with an older child you don’t have
to do or even say anything. Just laying with your child in silence
opens a gateway to communication. I usually advise parents to simply
listen and say uh-huh as your teen spills her guts to you before she
goes to sleep. I have had the best conversations with my eleven-year-
old son right at bedtime! It’s almost as if he needs the quiet darkness
to process his day and all of his thoughts about the universe before he
falls asleep.
52
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
When you experience the Slam-Dunk Cycle, you slam-dunk your kids
into bed because you desperately need a break from your routine and
you want to watch the movie you rented, or your favorite television
show, and you want to start watching it sometime BEFORE midnight.
A child’s need for attention is like a little cup. Throughout the course
of the day, you fill the little cup up and your child walks away feeling
important and loved. If we fill our children’s cups on a regular basis,
their need to get inappropriate attention decreases and they generally
will ask for normal attention. Consequently, bedtime for kids with
full cups is a lot easier. They fall asleep with their attention needs
filled.
But, when our own needs for self-care and nourishment are not met, it
becomes very difficult for us to fill your kids’ cups. Makes sense,
right? How can you give something that you yourself don’t have?
When kids have empty cups, they find inappropriate ways to get their
attention needs filled. Misbehavior is a wonderful way to get
inappropriate attention. It may not be positive attention but to most
kids any kind of attention is better than no attention at all.
So, the very first step that I encourage you to take if you are dealing
with bedtime issues is to make sure that you are taking good care of
yourself first! See the section about EFT and Self Care for some ideas
and setups.
53
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
Odds are, the first time you do this you will have to gently and firmly
carry your screaming child back to bed several times until they know
that you are serious. This is a wonderful time to experience what I
call Tag-Team Parenting. When your patience starts to run out and
you feel like duct-taping your child into their bed, turn this part of the
process over to your partner while you go do EFT:
For most kids, it takes three days of firm limit setting before they
happily understand the new routine. Each day that you enforce the
limits, the struggles should get shorter. Rest assured, there are some
kids with more stamina who will take more than three days to adjust,
but hold firm in your expectations. Establishing a routine will make
things much better in the long run!
54
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
Most kids, especially around the ages of 3-6, have fears about the dark
and nightmares. These fears are developmentally normal but
disturbing to both you and your child. I have had a lot of success with
using EFT for nightmares and fears with my own children. My oldest
son, in particular, had a lot of problems with nightmares for several
years. Tapping gave him power over his fear and worked very well
for him.
Before you tap for fear and nightmares with your kids, make sure that
you have tapped on your own fears and worries first. When our
children have nightmares, it hurts us as parents because we want to
stop our children’s fears. Secondly, if you repeatedly have to get up
in the middle of the night or if you have a restless, frightened child in
your bed every night, you can start to lose our patience.
Even though I feel bad that my child has to suffer through this…
After you have tapped on your own emotional issues relating to your
child’s nightmares, you can then begin to tap with your child. I
encourage you to tap before your child goes to sleep and then, of
55
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
56
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
I have also noticed that when I encourage my kids to push past their
boredom, they begin to understand that boredom is really a creative
opportunity (boy do they groan when I remind them of that…). Right
now all four of my children are huddled together in one of the
bedrooms planning to pool their financial resources and purchase
some new Legos to add to their ongoing Lego Star Wars game. Over
the course of the summer the kids have designed and built a series of
intergalactic ships that fly on a series of missions to save the universe.
57
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
Even though I don’t know what to do, I know I’m creative and how
to make my own fun!
58
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
Even though I usually get car sick, I choose to have a peaceful ride
without throwing up.
You can teach your child to tap for their carsickness if they develop
symptoms on the road. You can try to surrogate tap for them as well
but please keep your hands on the steering wheel!
Even though I feel like I’m going to throw up, I am still a great kid.
59
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
Even though I’m embarrassed that I threw up, I’m still a great kid.
Take these setups on the road with you (and, of course, bring a change
of clothes and baggies) and may your travels be vomit free!
P.S. You can try these setups for morning sickness, too:
Even though I’m afraid to eat because I know I’ll just feel sick
again…
60
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
61
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
Trying to help your child master the madness in his room can be a
challenge to even the most sane of parents. It is important, first of all,
to have developmentally appropriate expectations for your child.
Children under the age of seven can’t be expected to pick up their
stuff all by themselves.
After the age of seven, it does become easier for children to pick up
by themselves but they still may need some organizational assistance.
I encourage you to involve the child in organizing their own room and
creating a system of picking up for themselves. Older children
understand categories and classification. Have fun together creating
an orderly system.
Of course, EFT can help you maintain your sanity and stay detached
from the messy room issue. Here are some setups for you to try:
62
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
Even though I feel guilty forcing my child to get rid of some of her
toys…
Even though I feel guilty getting rid of toys my mother bought for
the kids…
63
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
Even though I have this (physical pain and location on the body),
I am still a great kid!
5. If the pain is still present, tap again and use the following setup:
Even though I still have this (physical pain and location on the
body), I am still a great kid!
64
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
65
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
Here are some setups to use with a child who is being teased. Be sure
that you are tapping on your own issues first. It is very hard to get out
of wanting to rescue a child who is being teased.
Even though I feel sad because the other kids called me stupid, I am
a powerful kid!
Even though I hate school because the other kids call me names…
Even though I’m scared to go to school because the other kids are
mean to me…
Even though I don’t think I can stop the other kids from teasing
me…
Even though I feel hurt because the other kids laugh at me…
Once kids can get past their emotional pain related to being teased,
they can find creative solutions to handling teasing at school or at
home.
66
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
I am a powerful person.
No matter what anyone says or does, I am still a great person.
I am strong, brave and wonderful!
I have a lot of friends who love me and respect me!
I am loved and protected by God and my angels.
If your child is the one doing the teasing, it is important that you also
address this child and his behavior. Kids who tease often hurt others
because they themselves feel over-powered or out of control of some
aspect of their life. Contrary to popular belief, children are not cruel
by nature. It is NOT normal for children to hurt other children.
Because I hold firm to the tenet that EFT is good for everything, I
encourage you to tap with the teasing child to get to the root cause of
their behavior.
67
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
Sometimes kids tease other kids when they feel angry, out of control
or are suffering from low self-esteem. You may have to play parent
detective to find the source of your child’s need to tease.
Use empathy and encourage your child to see teasing from the other
person’s point of view. This works both for the teaser and the
recipient of the teasing. A child who is encouraged to engage their
conscience in evaluating their own behavior may learn a wonderful
lesson. Children who gain an understanding into the possible
motivation of a perpetrator can also learn about empathy and
forgiveness!
68
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
I also teach my children to surrogate tap for others and for Mother
Earth. Of course, you probably have experienced by now how
effective surrogate tapping can be. I can’t say for sure that when we
tap for someone continents away that we impact their lives. But I like
to think we do.
69
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
I am the rain forest, and even though I am being cut down, I am still
magnificent.
If this idea excites you, here are some EFT setups for you to try on
your own:
It is, of course, very easy for us to affirm these Truths for others. I
can only imagine how hard it would be to hold on to faith under such
trying circumstances. What a true honor it is to be able to stand in the
place of faith for someone who may be struggling with his or her own.
Namaste!
70
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
Most kids can make it through the night by the time they are four
years old. Girls are usually a little earlier, boys a little later. During
deep sleep states, immature brains can not wake a child to help them
get to the bathroom in the middle of the night.
Some parents try taking their child to the bathroom before they go to
bed, disallowing drinks of water after a certain time, and even waking
a child up to take them to the bathroom. I have found that these
attempts do sometimes work. But, for the most part, if a child’s brain
isn’t mature enough to come out of the deep sleep state then it doesn’t
really matter what you do, the child is going to wet the bed.
If you suspect that your child may have a food or chemical sensitivity,
I encourage you to experiment with your child’s diet and see if you
can identify what may be triggering your child’s bedwetting. Odds
are if you have a child with a food or chemical sensitivity, you are
going to see many other symptoms as well including:
71
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
Even though I am frustrated that my child won’t get out of bed and
go to the bathroom, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.
Even though I feel bad for my child and his embarrassment about
his bedwetting…
72
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
Even though I am worried every night that I might wet the bed…
Even though I am afraid that I might wet the bed at someone else’s
house…
Even though I can’t help wetting the bed, I now choose to wake up
and go the bathroom if I need to in the middle of the night.
73
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
If you feel frustrated about your child’s behavior you will most likely
REACT to your child’s misbehavior instead of ACTING with
discipline to teach your child.
If you feel guilty about your parenting, for whatever reason, then you
will not be able to enforce proper boundaries or guidelines without
great difficulty.
So, here are some general EFT setups to use for frustration and guilt.
Use these setups regularly, especially if you consistently feel these
emotions.
Again, if these are a constant issue for you, I strongly urge you to
work with the following EFT setups on a regular basis, like once a
day, until you feel as though you have made some progress.
74
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
Okay, those are the two most important aspects of disciplining your
child. Now on to the fun stuff…
For example, your average two year old child is not going to be able
to say to you, “Mom, I’m feeling a little disenfranchised today. Could
we find some ways for me to appropriately express my
developmentally driven need for power?” Instead, she will choose to
power struggle with you over getting in her car seat. Being able to
make your grown mother shove you with all her might into a car seat
while she weeps with frustration is a great way for a two-year-old to
feel powerful.
Children will act out mistaken goals when they perceive that their
basic needs for love, attention and power are not being met.
75
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
Appropriate power for a two year old is being allowed to turn a light
switch on and off, choosing the color t-shirt that they wear or pushing
the garage door opener. That doesn’t mean the child gets to run the
household!
When your child is engaged in the goal of power they will make you
feel provoked or challenged. You will want to make them do what
you want them to do, even if it means that you have to physically
force them to do it.
When you are engaged in a power struggle, the most effective way to
get out of it is to offer no resistance. Please note that non-resistance
doesn’t mean that you let your child win! It simply means that you
get out of the push and pull of the power struggle. EFT helps you
remove your resistance in a power struggle and frees your mind to
find a creative solution to the problem.
76
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
A child with the mistaken goal of attention will buzz around you and
buzz around you until you swat at it. To children, negative attention
is better than no attention at all. And, if they get into a pattern of
getting negative attention repeatedly, then they will eventually seek
only negative attention.
If a child is trying to get your attention and you are not responding,
they will then act out in ways that make you feel annoyed. There are
so many reasons why you feel annoyed. I have found, in my practice,
that the number one reason parents become annoyed by their children
is that they feel completely burned-out. They lack the normal self-
care that keeps people feeling sane.
77
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
Our children’s need for attention is like your coffee mug. If we don’t
properly fill their cups, then they keep coming back for more
attention. It takes far less energy to fill their cups all the way than it
does to placate them for a moment because you are “busy”. Please
note, I do understand that some kids inherently have bigger cups. One
of my children has a Super Big Gulp size cup.
Now imagine for a moment that you go downstairs for your coffee
and you are out of coffee. The pot is empty. No matter how many
times you implore your partner to fill your cup, he can’t because he
has no coffee.
When you are burned out or lacking in self-care, your pot is empty
and you have nothing to give to your children. So they keep coming
back to you for something that you can’t give them and you start to
snap and yell at them. Well, remember, negative attention is better
than none at all. So they continue escalating their negative behavior.
Of course, under these kinds of circumstances it is impossible for you
to take a break and renew and nourish yourself. Or is it?
If your pot were full and overflowing, couldn’t you fill their cups with
loving attention instead of harsh words and gestures?
If you are dealing with a chronic attention problem, the number one
thing to do is make sure that your pot is full. Once your pot is full it is
then possible for you to truly fill your child’s cup. Give them the full,
undivided attention that they are craving. Spend time with them
listening to them, doing what they want to do, and really being with
them. You will be surprised, after a while, how little your children’s
cups really are. It doesn’t take a lot of love to fill a cup.
78
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
Even though I think I will scream if I hear the word Mama again…
Even though I don’t have the patience to read one more book…
79
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
First and foremost, these kids need help breaking things into smaller
pieces. If Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone seems too hard to
read because it is “too long,” then buy the book in paper back, cut it
apart with a knife, tape the binding, and give it to your child chapter
by chapter. When the child has read the whole book, put the book
back together and show him what he has accomplished. If she drowns
in a math worksheet, teach her to do one section at a time, taking a
small break in between questions.
Once you have introduced the concept of breaking the task down into
smaller steps, encourage your children to begin doing this for
themselves. Before long, they will have a good idea of what they
really can do, on their own!
When you are the parent of a child with the inadequacy goal, you
experience a mix of annoyance and pity. Often you aren’t quite sure
what your child is capable of but you suspect it may be more than you
think. And yet, you are afraid to push them too hard because what if
the task at hand truly is too hard and your child can’t do it?
80
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
Here are your EFT setups if you are the parent of a child with the goal
of inadequacy:
81
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
A child in revenge can break your heart. And he or she can make you
feel so angry that you want to spit fire.
82
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
Granted, if you are dealing with long-term revenge, you must hold
firm to reasonable limits and boundaries. You can’t let this child walk
all over you in order to re-establish a relationship. Believe it or not,
kids actually need limits and boundaries to feel loved. A limit and a
boundary say that you care enough about this child to create rules for
him.
83
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
Here are some setups to use for a child with the goal of revenge:
Even though I feel so angry with this child that I want to hurt him
back, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.
84
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
If your child has undergone a severe trauma and you are concerned
about their emotional health, I strongly encourage you to seek out
professional support and guidance from someone who uses the
Emotional Freedom Techniques. Using EFT in conjunction with
therapy will rapidly improve your child’s recovery from trauma.
Tearless Trauma
When you are dealing with a person who feels too traumatized to even
tap on an event use the following technique.
85
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
If the trauma has several aspects or is part of a longer story, have your
child imagine how he would feel if he were to tell the story. As he
imagines how he would feel about telling the story of the event or
events, have him tap on any emotional aspect of the story that
surfaces. Continue this process until you clear all aspects that come
up relating to the trauma.
You will usually find that the first few rounds of tapping take the
“edge” off of the negative emotions, so that the child will then feel
free to tell you the rest of the story. If not, just continue to use the
Tearless Trauma method. It will work on just about any type of
traumatic memory.
1. Identify the traumatic incident and get the child’s permission to tap
on it with them.
86
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
Three months later the traumatized teen still won’t get back behind
the wheel of any car, and he doesn’t want to talk about it, owing to
extreme embarrassment about his fear of driving. (All of his friends
are getting their driver’s licenses, and he keeps making excuses to
them for why he hasn’t gone for his driving test yet.)
87
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
After the first round and subsequent rounds of tapping, assess the
level of negative emotions relating to the car accident, and continue to
repeat the tapping until all intensity is gone.
Then if he feels ready to think about the accident, you can begin to tap
on the individual aspects of the accident that might still have some
charge on them. If he still feels reluctant to address the issue, then ask
him to think about how scared he would feel if he were to think about
when his head hit the steering wheel, or when the blood poured into
his eyes, or when someone screamed “we’re all going to die!”, or
when his parents got the insurance report, or whatever else happened
in the traumatic incident. Then tap on those aspects of the story with
following setups and other similar one:
Even though I would feel scared to imagine the blood all over my
face if I were to think about it, I deeply and completely accept
myself.
Etc…
88
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
As you tap on different aspects of a trauma, note that each aspect is,
indeed, a separate fear. A traumatic event or memory is usually a
string of little traumas and fears all rolled up into one ugly emotional
monster.
Mom has already tapped on her guilt and sadness related to her
daughter’s experience. Now she is ready to tap with Samantha and
clear her trauma.
Samantha and her family have extensive experience with EFT, using
it all the time for issues that come up.
89
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
Samantha: No.
Mom: Oh. How about we play a game? Would you like that?
Samantha: Okay.
Mom: Let’s play the story game. I will start a story and you finish it!
Samantha: Okay.
Mom: Let’s use Peter the Rabbit as the main person in the story. Is
that okay with you.
Samantha: Sure!
(Note: Depending on how savvy your kid is, you may need to do a
pretend story first before you jump right into Tearless Trauma. In an
effort to keep this book a readable length, I will skip the pretend
story!)
Mom: Okay! Once upon a time there was a little bunny rabbit named
Peter. He lived in the forest with his mother, father and baby brother
named Stephen. One evening, Peter’s mother and father decided that
they would like to go to the Carrot Café and spend some time
together. So they asked Jordan Lightfoot to come baby-sit Peter and
Stephan.
How do you think Peter felt about his Mom and Dad going out and
leaving him and his baby brother alone with a babysitter?
90
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
Mom: You tap on Peter and I will tap with you. I think that the more
people tap together, the easier it is for someone to feel better. (A great
way to sneak in some surrogate tapping!) Even though I am sad when
Mom and Dad go out, I am still a great kid! (Tap a full round of EFT)
Samantha: Yes.
Mom: Great! How do you feel when Daddy and I go out, like we did
the other night when it thunder stormed?
Mom: Okay. Let’s tap for Peter and his madness. Even though I feel
mad and left our when Mom and Dad go out, I am still a great kid!
(tap a full round of EFT)
Samantha: Yes.
Mom: Great! So, Peter’s Mom and Dad left the house. Peter and
Stephan were all alone with Jordan.
Samantha: Wait, Mom, Peter hates it when his Mom and Dad drive
down the driveway and the house is kind of quiet without his Mom
and Dad.
91
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
So Peter’s Mom and Dad drove away and left Peter and Stephen in the
quiet house with the babysitter. (Note: This is Mom’s way of
assessing Samantha’s emotional intensity related to her parents
leaving to go out. Samantha made no comments so Mom continued.)
Very soon the sky began to get dark, the wind began to blow and
Peter could here thunder coming closer and closer. Does Peter like
thunderstorms?
Samantha: No. He was scared when the sky got dark because Peter is
afraid of the dark.
Samantha and her Mom tapped on several aspects related to the storm
including:
Even though I was scared of the loud wind chimes on the back
porch…
Even though I though the wind would blow the trees over…
Even though I hated the way the thunder made my bones jump…
When Peter, Samantha and Mom had cleared these aspects, Mom
continued her story.
92
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
Samantha: (quietly) Yes. Peter is afraid his Mom and Dad might not
ever make it home.
Mom: Okay, Even though I’m scared my Mom and Dad might not
make it home, I am a great kid. Anything else?
Samantha: But they did make it home, Mom. Just like you and
Daddy did!
This technique works great for younger children. For older children,
simply have them tell you their “story” about their traumatic
experience. Have them stop and tap any time their emotional intensity
goes up. Tap until they are completely clear and then go on to the rest
of the story until the trauma has no emotional energy associated with
it.
You can also use this technique for yourself on any traumatic events
or memories that you may have!
93
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
Children go through these same stages just as adults do. And, even
though kids are well known for their resiliency, they can sometimes
suffer for a long time with unresolved grief. I have seen many
children who sometimes take up to two years to recover from a
traumatic move to a new city.
Of course, it is natural to be sad over a loss. And EFT can help make
the journey through the grieving process easier and faster. With EFT
is becomes easier to adjust to the loss and faster to embrace the
blessings and the gifts in the change.
Kids are going to express the stages of grief in different ways. When
in the stage of denial, some children may retreat into a fantasy world.
94
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
Kids experiencing anger during grief may find all kinds of creative
ways to express themselves. They may act angry with you, even if it
isn’t your fault. They may pick fights with each other or even fight
with their friends. Some may even break or destroy things that are
dear to them.
Depression can also take many forms in children. Some kids will
simply act withdrawn or quiet. Some will watch a lot of television or
read. Some kids may eat more, while others may have a low appetite.
Watch for any prolonged behavior changes.
Acceptance is the time when the child adjusts to the change or the
loss. This is the time to support your child in creating a new life,
incorporating whatever changes have transpired.
95
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
Here are some setups to use for grief. Please modify them as needed
to fit your particular situation.
Even though I feel angry that that stupid man ran over my cat…
96
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
Of course, major life changes and the death of a loved will take time
to get over. Use EFT to assist you through it!
97
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
Okay, ‘fess up! How often do you stand in front of the mirror and just
love and honor your body?
How often do you scrutinize every detail of your physical form and
pay attention to all the “defects”?
If we want our daughters to love and honor our bodies, then we must
do the same ourselves! Our bodies are strong and powerful! We have
98
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
I encourage you to use EFT on every little part of your body that you
feel unhappy about until you can lovingly look at yourself in the
mirror! Learn to love your thighs right now! Try these setups!
Even though my body has never been the same since I had babies…
99
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
When you are done, share this process with your daughters (and sons).
Help them to tap on any body issues that they may already be carrying
around. Work together as a family to love each other and the
magnificent creations that you are!
100
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
101
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
Visual learners can also do well in school if the teacher uses a lot of
graphics, notes and writing on the board. Visual and kinesthetic
learners will tend to “space out” if they are not being taught to in a
way that meets their needs.
In a science class, that may mean they need to touch and examine
rocks before hearing a geology lecture. In and English class, they
may need to see pictures and connect with the feelings of the
characters in a story before they actually hear the story.
You may have to work with your child and help him or her find
learning strategies that make school easier. When doing homework,
102
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
Reinforce these strategies with your child’s teacher, even if you meet
with resistance. The number one rule in dealing with the public
school system is this: The squeaky wheel gets the grease! Don’t stop
squeaking until you get what your child needs!
In the meantime, there are things that you can do to help your child
with school. First of all, model the importance of education. If you
never read a book in front of your child, it will be very difficult for
him to adopt a habit of reading. Talk to your children and show them
how learning is a life-long process and commit as a family to making
education important in your life.
Stay aware of what your children are learning in school and look for
fun ways to supplement what they are learning. Plan weekend outings
and vacations with themes related to what they are doing in school.
103
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
104
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
These are just a few to start with. I am sure that you will come up
with several on your own!
105
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
Some children feel this stress more intensely than others. Honor your
individual children. My oldest daughter was extremely shy and spent
the first two years of her life hiding behind me or clinging to my leg. I
intuitively knew that I could not leave this child until her own energy
system developed enough to where she would feel safe on her own.
Every once in a while you will get a highly spirited, independent child
whose only response to being left is, “cool”! Of course, as parents,
that can create a different emotional response for us (Am I a good
mother? Why does he seem so eager to leave me? Have I done
something wrong? Doesn’t he miss me?)
106
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
If you are feeling guilty, confused or torn in any way, make sure that
you tap on your own feelings first. It is very difficult for a child to
separate if they can sense that you are feeling worried or hesitant
about a situation.
107
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
Even though it’s hard for me to say good-bye, I know that Mommy
always comes back.
For you:
You can also tap surrogately for your child. Tune in during the day
and tap for them while you are separate. Also, tap for them when you
get in the car immediately after leaving them.
108
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
EFT works great for asthma. Of course, strongly recommend that use
it in conjunction with inhalers and other medication. Not surprisingly,
several current research studies support the notion of an emotional
component to asthma. EFT addresses the emotional components quite
efficiently.
109
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
If you are the parent of an asthmatic, tap on your own fears and
concerns. It is natural to want to protect your child. By tapping on
your own concerns, you can assure that your actions will be proactive
and not overprotective.
110
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
Please Note: Children under the age of seven do not have the
developmental skills to participate in any sport that has rules. They
don’t understand rules. They won’t follow rules, not because they
choose not to, but because their brains just don’t work that way.
Young children must have free playtime. They will be ready for
organized sports soon enough. Free play allows for the optimal
growth and development of gross and fine motor skills that later
enhance sports performance. Don’t let them waste their precious free
time standing in line following a series of drills to make them better
soccer players, baseball players or whatever! Some research shows
that children who start sports earlier actually become worse players
than those who start at a developmentally appropriate age.
So, if you, as a parent, are just dying to see your little baby make it to
the “big leagues” in your favorite sport, then DON’T let them start
playing it until they are ready. Readiness can come at any age, with
some kids blossoming at 13 or 14 years old. Very few four-year-old
soccer players will still be on the field ten years later. But quite a few
players who start soccer at age eight or nine will enjoy it and keep
playing.
Secondly, be aware of your own motivations and drives for your child
in sports. Sometimes we get a little caught up in living our own
dreams and desires through our children. Yes, there are prodigies,
like Tiger Woods, out there. But truly, these kids are by far the
exceptions. Listen to your kids. If they don’t really want to play a
sport or be on a team, don’t force it. There are many other ways to
stay fit and socialize.
111
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
True sports successes grow and develop into their personal best when
they are inspired to be THEIR best, not BETTER THAN the other
guy. A real athlete competes with himself to be his best!
Okay, I’m done. (Note: These are all my personal opinions and do not
necessarily reflect the opinions of management!)
112
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
Some athletes merely tap on the basic points without using a setup
right before they engage in sports. Golfers can tap just before a drive.
Divers can tap just before they leap off the board and take the plunge.
Below are some setups to try for sports performance. Don’t be afraid
to get really specific if you need to. For example:
113
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
Even though I’m afraid I’ll hit my head on the edge of the pool…
ARE YOU
TAPPING?
114
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
EFT seemed weird when I was first introduced to it. I come from a
family where being normal is very important. Tapping on people and
helping them heal was not “normal”, so I had fears about using EFT
with my clients in spite of the huge number of successful case studies
supporting EFT’s effectiveness.
I knew my son felt very frustrated as well. Not only did people not
understand him when he spoke to them, some of his friends were
beginning to make fun of him. I finally decided, after some gentle
prodding from my persistent husband, to try EFT with my son.
We started tapping every night for his speech problem. The idea was
that we would tap for fifteen minutes every night and see what
happened. To be honest, we weren’t that diligent. Have you ever
tried to do anything for fifteen minutes EVERY NIGHT with a four-
year-old? Remember, too, that we had three other kids running
around needing someone to brush their teeth and wash their hair and
get them into pajamas and read them a story and tuck them into bed,
and so on.
115
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
A year of speech therapy had left us over $2000 poorer and had given
him a definite inferiority complex in our family. A week of EFT,
done half-heartedly by very tired parents, and he spoke normally for
the first time in his life! Unbelievable!
I was sold on EFT. Since then we have used EFT will all of our
clients as well as our own children with amazing results!
Here are some setups to try for kids with speech issues. Make up your
own if these don’t work for you!
116
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
Have you ever noticed little things that the people around you do that
drive you nuts even though they shouldn’t really bother you at all?
For example, it drives me crazy that my husband goes around the
house in the late evening closing all the blinds when it is still a little
bit light outside. It is such a tiny thing but it sends me through the
roof.
These “little things” that annoy us are called triggers. Sometimes they
really are little things and sometimes they are connected to much
bigger things. For example, there may be a phrase or a look that your
husband uses that unconsciously reminds of a step father who you had
issues with.
Our children can trigger us, too. They can make subtle motions (or
not so subtle motions) or use words that just set us off for no reason.
EFT can neutralize these triggers so that they will never bother you
again! Simply, in your mind, focus on a visual memory of the
offending trigger and the person presenting it and tap until the
memory or trigger is neutralized.
If you are faced with the trigger and you do react, immediately go into
another room, if you can, and tap on the triggering event until it is
clear.
It’s so easy!
117
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
PART 3
118
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
When we tap as adults, this process can sometimes seem long and
convoluted. On the other hand, I have also experienced an entire issue
“disappearing” in one round! Usually, with children, the process is
fairly simple and short.
When I first started this session, I had K. show me with his hands how
“much” his fear of the dark was. (This is a helpful evaluation tool to
use with children who are too young to rate their fear or pain with
numbers.) He showed me that his fear was HUGE (arms spread all
the way out to behind his back).
119
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
Karen and K.: Even though I still have some of this big scared-of-
the-dark feeling, I am a great kid!
(We tapped another full round.)
Karen: How big is your scary feeling now? (K. puts his hands about
three inches apart.)
Karen and K.: Even though I still have a little of this scared-of-the-
dark feeling, I am a powerful kid!
(We tap another round.)
After this round K. shows me that he still has a little fear left. Seeing
that this issue isn’t budging much I decided to try tapping on another
aspect of his fear.
Karen: Oh! How big is your scary feeling about these monsters in
your dream? (K. shows me BIG fear!)
The next night we tapped for fear of the dark and monsters again.
Now nightmare free for several days, K. feels ready to try to sleep in
his own room again.
120
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
One week Keegan had a tough time filming. Each morning, while he
worked on his movies, he would have problems with lighting or
sound. At one point his editing program crashed and he spent several
hours trying to contact technical support without success.
I did not have Keegan rate his frustration before we started tapping.
Based on his reactions, I was pretty clear that he was a “10” for
“frustration about filmmaking.”
121
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
Keegan now took a deep breath (a sign that EFT is working) and
threw himself backwards on my bed. I noticed that he still had a
stressed look on his face. Intuitively I sensed that his anxiety was not
just about equipment failures. (This is a wonderful time to allow your
parenting intuition to kick in. Because tapping with someone involves
entering into an energetic relationship with that person, so it is quite
common to intuit or psychically “sense” what the other person is
thinking.)
So we tapped.
Karen and Keegan: Even though I’m afraid I won’t get into film
school, I am still a great kid!
After this round Keegan grinned a huge grin. To assess his anxiety I
asked him how he felt about film school. He just laughed and told me
that film school wasn’t such a big deal. He was probably going to be
good enough to make good movies on his own without film school
anyway. (Note: This is an example of a cognitive shift, a radical shift
in a belief about an event.) In one round of EFT, Keegan went from
feeling extremely anxious to highly confident!
After this last round, my son sat quietly on my bed for a while. I
started folding laundry and just let him have his space. He sprang off
the bed in a few minutes with a smile on his face proclaiming that he
122
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
C.’s parents gathered all the information that they could about the
procedure so that they could begin tapping with C. on different
aspects of this minor surgery. After talking him through the whole
procedure, they then assessed his greatest concerns and created setups
to clear some of his anxiety.
Even though it’s hard for me to hold still, I am still a great kid.
Even though I really don’t want to do this but I have to, I am still a
great kid.
123
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
During the procedure, the doctor did not inform either C. or his
parents what she was doing but C. wasn’t even fazed. He even ended
up getting stitches that the doctor had originally said he wouldn’t
need! The doctor and the nurse were both very impressed by his
calmness and his ability to stay perfectly still.
124
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
Remember that EFT will not change your child’s personality or “cure”
her of developmental idiosyncrasies. If you have an emotionally
intense child, EFT won’t change that. If you have a high active,
adventurous child, EFT won’t “fix” it. If your child is four and
obsessed with potty words, EFT won’t change it.
You will be wasting your time if you try to use EFT to change people
or force yourself to be other than who you are. EFT can restore your
system to balance, but it cannot change who you are, and you
shouldn’t try to use it that way. Use it to bring yourself into
alignment with who you are and what you want, and use it to bring
yourself into alignment with who your children are.
125
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
I hope that this book has helped you rediscover the joy in your
parenting adventure. I hope that EFT has become a powerful tool that
you use in every aspect of your life.
We love to hear from all of you! Please share with us your parenting
success stories!
Love,
Karen
126
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
Dear Reader,
Blessings,
Karen
127
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
1) EFT Often Works When Nothing Else Will! Try it and see.
2) EFT is a TOOL. EFT does not solve problems for you or resolve
issues. It is a general tool that can be used to "repair" your emotional
system. YOU have to resolve your own issues using EFT.
3) Like any tool, EFT requires training and practice to master it.
EFT is like the tools and YOU are like the mechanic. The EFT
process always works IF you know how to apply it to the particular
issue you want to resolve. After you learn the basics from this
introductory manual, we highly recommend that you pursue additional
training. The more you learn, the greater success you will experience
with the Emotional Freedom Techniques.
4) You get out of EFT what you put into. Like exercise or meditation,
EFT is a self-applied process. And, you will get results in proportion
to how much time and effort you give to the process.
128
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
In the mid 1990's, a man named Gary Craig took elements from other
meridian energy therapies and he created a simple healing protocol
which he named the "The Emotional Freedom Techniques." He began
teaching those techniques to people in workshops and with video
tapes of his seminars. Psychologists, personal coaches,
hypnotherapists, message therapists, chiropractors and others have
flocked to EFT in overwhelming numbers. For many professionals it
has become their main tool.
129
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
EFT has two parts, the Set Up and the Tapping. The Set Up is kind of
like setting up the bowling pins (the issue) and the Tapping is kind of
like knocking down the bowling pins.
When you say the Set Up phrase you focus on the issue you want to
resolve, bringing it into your awareness, and when you do the
Tapping, you tap on several “energy” points on your body. The
“energy” points relate to the meridian points from Chinese Medicine
and are sometimes called acupuncture points or acupressure points.
Some people simply refer to these points as “relaxation” points,
because you will often feel very relaxed after you tap on the points a
few times.
130
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
"Even though I have this (name the issue), I deeply and completely
accept myself."
You can adapt the Set Up to fit any situation or issue. In advanced
practice, the way you say the Set Up can sometimes make ALL the
difference in whether or not the tapping works. Learning to say THE
exact Set Up that will help THE exact problem you are working on is
a skill which you will develop as you practice EFT and continue to
study the art of delivery of EFT.
As a beginner you can use the standard Set Ups such as:
“Even though I have this back pain, I deeply and completely accept
myself.”
“Even though I feel angry at that car that just pulled out in front of
me, I deeply and completely accept myself.”
131
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
Note: I have only included a short cut version of the points below.
For the entire system please refer to Gary Craig’s manual and training
videos. I rarely use anything but the shortcut version, but it might be
useful for you to know the entire system.
132
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
2. Repeat the setup affirmation 3 times while tapping the (SH) point.
4. Check in with your mind and rate the problem again. Is it still a
10? an 8? a 2? If it is not a zero (0), repeat the EFT sequence.
133
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
134
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
135
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com
A special thanks to Kyle Curry for editing and formatting this manual
for me, and thanks to YOU for reading it and getting started on a road
to joy. Happy tapping!
Sincerely,
Karen Curry
Joyful Mission
www.joyfulmission.com
136
Joyful Mission 2002-2005 Karen Curry www.joyfulmission.com