W2 Portfolio Revision Matrix

Dylan Chung

WRIT 2 - Academic Writing

December 11th, 2020

Text from my initial A comment or The change(s) I made How this change
WP submission: (Note question I received to what I initially impacts my paper:
which WP) (from whom/where?) wrote:

1 WP1: The article Allison: we want to 1. Reto Felix, I now have proper
starts off with a brief use Chicago-style Philipp A Chicago-style
framework that draws footnotes for this WP Rauschnabel, footnote citations.
on previous studies to (sideline comment) and Chrish This will allow my
introduce social Hinsch, reader to easily skim
media marketing and "Elements of or check sources
the lacking research Strategic without having to go
that necessitates the Social Media down to the
existence of a holistic Marketing: A bibliography area
framework (Felix et Holistic every time.
al. 119). Framework,"
(This is just one Journal of
example out of Business
many.) Research 70,
no. C (2017):
119.
This is an example of
the new footnote
citation used for this
specific citation.

2 WP1: Khadangi’s Allison: punctuation Khadangi’s article This change helps my

article initially flows should go inside initially flows along paper have correct
along in a similar quotation marks in a similar manner to punctuation. This
manner to “Elements (sideline comment) “Elements of allows the paper to
of Strategic Social Strategic Social flow better without
Media Marketing: A Media Marketing: A the need to mentally
Holistic Framework”. Holistic Framework.” correct this
punctuation mistake.

3 WP1: Throughout Allison: misspelled Throughout all this, This change allowed
all this, the jargon and (sideline comment) the jargon and me to correct diffeing
diagrams all become diagrams all become to differing. This
more complicated in a more complicated in a reduces the number of
nuanced way that nuanced way that hitches the reader
allows the researchers allows the researchers experiences while
to better demarcate to better demarcate reading the paper,
the diffeing content the differing content improving flow.
aimed at the two aimed at the two
audiences. audiences.

4 WP1: The analysis Allison: The paper To work with the The topic sentences
is where the business has a good, detailed, data, Felix opts to were changed to be
paper takes on a form and argumentative take a qualitative much more
of its own, as the thesis, and the approach that, informative and
authors opt to take a opening simile is a although potentially indicative of what
qualitative approach. great hook for the less illuminating, each paragraph is
(This is just one reader, but the body allows the data to be about. This allows the
example out of the of the paper could be summed up in an rest of my paragraph
few topic sentences better organized with inventive way that to be more straight to
used.) clearer topic does not require the point. This, in
sentences introducing specialized diction or turn, decreases fluff
each paragraph. knowledge. The only words and increases
(end of paper knowledge the paragraph’s
comment) requirements are productivity. This
fulfilled by improves clarity and
information provided flow.
throughout the paper,
allowing the reader to
even potentially build
upon the provided
observations.

5 WP1: The differing Allison: The The two articles’ This change makes it
purposes of the two conclusion serves as a evidence mirror each easier to see the
articles in the context good summary, but other in a way; both differences between
of business and the comparison of the try their best to the two academic
computer science, one two articles could be simplify the articles. This also
as a platform for made clearer earlier observations but accentuates the
further research and in the paper Felix’s article is able effects of the authors’
the other as an article (end of paper to provide choices on the
that serves the goals comment) interactable evidence audience in terms of
of two different to an audience of all evidence, diction, and
audiences, results in experience levels, approach to analysis
the textual, while Khadangi’s because I am
organizational, and article is only able to comparing the two
visual differences. partially cater to the while analysing each
(This is where general audience. article as opposed to
comparison occurs in (I integrated comparing the articles
the conclusion.) comparison in the after analysis is over.
body paragraphs
more so that my
comparison wouldn’t
be limited only to the
conclusion)
6 WP1 Allison: it would be While the topic is This helps to rein in
I lacked discussion helpful to see somewhat the ideas and provide
about discourse discourse complicated, the reason as to why the
communities in WP1 communities authors are able to two academic articles
so there is nothing discussed as well. simplify things down differ in the ways that
here. (end of paper so that readers all they do. All of the
comment) across the business concepts discussed,
discourse community, such as jargon,
not just those heavily intended audience,
invested in social level of expertise, and
media marketing, are data presentation are
able to not only read all under the umbrella
the paper, but also of the concept of
interact with it and discourse
attain new impactful communities. Doing
foundational this helps the reader
knowledge. better organize the
(This is just one presented ideas
example of discourse mentally, as well as
community improve my
discussion.) organization.

7 WP1: Style Reading Lesson Firstly, “Elements of I was able to get rid
Firstly, “Elements of 6 - Concision Strategic Social of my habit of
Strategic Social The parts, specifically Media Marketing: A including inferrable
Media Marketing: A labelled “Delete Holistic Framework” information. The lack
Holistic Framework” Meaningless Words” presents vast amounts of this habit shifts the
presents evidence in a and “Delete What of evidence in a tone from a
way that allows Readers Can Infer” simple way that conversational one to
readers of any kind of allows readers of a a more professional
background, with just wide audience to not one that is more
a bit of catching up, only be convinced of fitting for the
to interact with their the article’s efficacy, assignment. This
work. but understand the change also allowed
data as well. me to make this topic
sentence more
concise and
informative.

8 WP2 Allison: 23 pages is Once again didn’t This change allowed

I didn’t include too much include anything here the reader to have an
anything here because (sideline comment) because I mainly easier time relating
I can’t just copy paste made changes to the the reflection back to
the whole WP2 here. genre translation; I the genre translation.
rewrote the genre Additionally, I used a
translation to be 7 different genre that
 pages. would allow the
reader an easier time
to understand both the
academic article
content as well as the
connection between
the reflection and the
genre translation.

9 WP2: In creating Allison: Based on In translating the This change to stick

the sandbox world your reflection, I’m academic article to an to the genre
necessary for the confused — what is online cooking recipe, introduced made the
demonstration of your new non- I drew upon the paper much less
Felix's marketing academic genre? online recipes “Easy confusing and
concepts, I drew upon Your examples are of Fried Rice” by Alyssa actually accomplished
the webtoons Tower webtoons but your Rivers7, “Simple the purpose that was
of God written by translation seems like Homemade Chicken set out for this paper,
SIU, The God of a (very long) short Ramen” by Laura which was to translate
High School by story Bolton8, and “Easy, the academic article
Yongje Park, and (end of paper No-Fuss into a specified genre
Solo Leveling by comment) Thanksgiving rather than to use a
Chu-Gong. Turkey” by Lauren non-academic genre
Allen9 to help me as a guiding hand.
condense the This helped flow and
information gathered decreased confusion.
from the academic
article into helpful
bits of information
that the less business
savvy reader could
use.

10 WP2: Tower of Allison: Furthermore, “Easy Fried Rice” has I used specific
God’s SIU makes use what examples from an area dedicated to examples from my
of many long-lasting the webtoons back up alternatives to the non-academic genre
mysteries, some that your claims about the original fried rice examples to provide
are over a decade old, genre conventions? recipe, such as genre convention
to entice readers. The (End of paper “Quinoa Fried Rice or examples. This made
God of High School’s comment) even this Cauliflower it so that my words
Park Yongje makes examples of these ‘Fried Rice,’” that were verifiable and
use of a concurrent conventions from the “are both healthier more trustworthy.
story-telling method webtoons? citations? ways to make fried This also serves as a
that allows for the (sideline comment) rice.”10 “Simple rhetorical device to
story to split off into Homemade Chicken better persuade the
several groups to Ramen” has affiliate reader that my paper
allow links that direct the is properly written
 customer to the and true.
materials that the
for more expansive author used, such as
worldbuilding and “minced ginger.”11
character insight. “Easy, No-Fuss
Solo Leveling’s Chu- Thanksgiving
Gong makes use of a Turkey” has a pre
darker world, literally cooking tips area that
and metaphorically, helps the turkey
that allows the story preparation to go
to take on a more more smoothly under
serious and sinister headers like “How to
tone. thaw your turkey.”12

11 WP2 Allison: Furthermore, Though translating all The confusion that

The problem was that while your translation of the information was caused by my
I was lacking an is very creative, your from the academic lack of an explanation
explanation for the reflection doesn’t not genre into the non- of how the genre
connection so nothing explain how your academic genre was translation was
is included here translation is related the ideal outcome, I connected to my
except this to your academic opted to only include reflection is now
explanation. article — this is key concepts such as gone. The genre
confusing because I the four dimensions translation and
don’t see the of social media reflection are now
connection. marketing connected and
(end of paper management in order provide the reader
comment) to better fit the online with insight as to why
cooking recipe genre. I chose to do this or
that in my genre
In this way, I ended translation. This
up with a translation increases flow and
that blended clarity a significant
informative academic amount due to there
elements with more being less hurdles to
lighthearted, yet still understanding why I
informative, online chose to do the genre
cooking recipe translation in the way
elements. that I did.

12 WP2: According Allison: Problems In order to help my The reader is now

to her guidance, many with footnotes — not translation from an less confused as to
things, such as the properly formatted academic business where a quote or
audience, title, and each time you article to an online piece of evidence is
introduction, and the cite you need a few cooking recipe, I from. The reader can
conclusion must be footnote referred to “Reading also refer to the actual
carefully considered2. (sideline comment) Games: Strategies for original documents if
Footnote: Reading Scholarly necessary much more
2 Rosenberg, Sources,” by Karen easily thanks to the
Karen. “Reading Rosenberg2 to help new formatting. The
Games: Strategies for
Reading Scholarly
me extract the key reader can find out
Sources.” In Writing concepts from the where a piece of
Spaces: Readings on business article in a evidence is from
Writing, vol. 2, edited way that would without having to
by Charles Lowe and simplify the academic refer to the
Pavel Zemliansky,
210–220. Parlor
material and broaden bibliography every
Press, 2011. the audience. time This greatly
2. Rosenberg, increases flow and
Karen, “Reading gives my paper a
Games: Strategies for more serious tone due
Reading Scholarly to my adherence to
Sources,” Writing standardized citation
Spaces: Readings on methods.
Writing, vol. 2, ed.
Charles Lowe and
Pavel Zemliansky
(South Carolina:
Parlor Press LLC,
2011), 210-220.
3. Rosenberg,
“Reading Games:
Strategies for
Reading Scholarly
Sources,” 215-218.
(This time around I
used proper footnote
citation technique.
Instead of using the
same superscript
number for the same
article, I used two
different numbers for
different references to
the same article.)

13 WP2: Reflection: Luis Jr. Rodriguez Reflection: Cooking This makes

An Educational I was inspired to identifying the title of
Adventure follow along in the Up an Academic the paper and other
full Chicago format relevant information,
after looking at the Reading such as date, author,
sample and realizing and class, easier. It
that his sample paper also adheres to the
had a Chicago style Chicago style title
 title page. page formatting that
gives the paper a
slightly more serious
and formal tone.

Dylan Chung

WRIT 2 - Academic

Writing

December 11th, 2020

14 WP2: Due to the Allison: The same Due to the holistic The lack of specific
holistic nature of the applies to the nature of the business examples and
business article, the academic article — article, the diction quotations made my
diction was not provide specific was not particularly paper seem less
particularly examples to back up specialized, but it was trustworthy. This
specialized, but it was your claims and also not the layman’s change allowed my
also not the layman’s remember to cite diction. The processes paper to gain the
diction. them. used to analyze and reader’s trust and thus
construct the help persuade the
theoretical framework readers of my
involved “axial argument.
coding to identify Additionally, it helps
second-order themes the readers more
on a higher level of easily verify whether
abstraction.”4 or not what I quoted
was true or false.

15 WP2: In order to Allison: The paper In order to help my This change allowed
help my translation has a good, detailed, translation from an the reader to go into
from an academic and argumentative academic business the paragraph with a
business article to thesis, and the article to an online decent sense of what I
adventure fantasy, I opening simile is a cooking recipe, I would be doing; the
referred to “Reading great hook for the referred to “Reading reader knows exactly
Games: Strategies for reader, but the body Games: Strategies for what I will be doing
Reading Scholarly of the paper could be Reading Scholarly and why I am doing
Sources,” by Karen better organized with Sources,” by Karen these things. This
Rosenberg2 to help clearer topic Rosenberg2 to help helps to reduce
me extract the key sentences introducing me extract the key confusion, increase
concepts from the each paragraph. concepts from the clarity within the
business article. (The comment from business article in a paragraph, and
my last WP feedback way that would improve flow.
led me to believe that simplify the academic
I could improve on material and broaden
some of the topic the audience.
sentences in WP2)