Grimoire of The Troll v1.0

The Grimoire of the Troll Deiscorides
The
Grimoire
of the
Troll
by
Deiscorides,
a Grandmaster Troll
Published by Synaptyclypse Generator
v1.0
1
2
Table of Contents
The Troll Mantra............................................................................5
The Trolling Guide.........................................................................7
1. LURK MOAR..............................................................................7
2. Argue, But Do Not Debate..........................................................7
3. Types of Trolling........................................................................7
The Image Troll...........................................................................................................................................7
The N00b Troll.............................................................................................................................................8
The Math Troll..............................................................................................................................................8
The Sympathy Troll......................................................................................................................................9
The Baby Bird Troll.......................................................................................................................................9
The Unpossible Situation Troll.....................................................................................................................10
The Sexism Troll.........................................................................................................................................10
The Bias Troll.............................................................................................................................................10
The Wordfilter Troll....................................................................................................................................10
The Fixed Troll...........................................................................................................................................11
The Political Troll........................................................................................................................................11
The Meme Troll..........................................................................................................................................11
The Furry Troll...........................................................................................................................................11
The Deletion Troll.......................................................................................................................................11
The JavaScript Troll....................................................................................................................................12
The Troll’s Troll...........................................................................................................................................12
The Religious Troll......................................................................................................................................13
The Sitcom Troll.........................................................................................................................................13
The “Kill Yourself” Troll...............................................................................................................................14
The Shock Troll..........................................................................................................................................14
The Trap Troll.............................................................................................................................................14
The Promise Troll.......................................................................................................................................15
The Censored Porn Troll.............................................................................................................................15
The Shitty Meme Troll.................................................................................................................................16
The Spam Troll...........................................................................................................................................16
The Party Van Troll.....................................................................................................................................16
4. The Meat and Bones of Trolling.................................................17
How to properly dodge people....................................................................................................................17
How to properly reply to very angry people................................................................................................19
How to do a proper and “shitty” OP troll post:............................................................................................19
Proper Images...........................................................................................................................................20
Shopping and Image Finding......................................................................................................................21
Troll Bait....................................................................................................................................................22
Seeding Your Troll Post...............................................................................................................................22
Troll Gangbanging......................................................................................................................................23
Being Labeled a Troll..................................................................................................................................23
Multitasking Your Trolling............................................................................................................................23
5. Levels of Trolldom....................................................................24
LVL 1 Fukken N00b....................................................................................................................................24
LVL 5 Goatse..............................................................................................................................................24
LVL 10.......................................................................................................................................................24
LVL 15.......................................................................................................................................................24
LVL 20.......................................................................................................................................................24
LVL 25.......................................................................................................................................................24
LVL 30.......................................................................................................................................................25
LVL 40.......................................................................................................................................................25
LVL 50 Master Troll.....................................................................................................................................25
LVL 75 Grandmaster Troll...........................................................................................................................25
LVL 100 FINAL BOSS OF THE INTERNET.....................................................................................................26
The Troll Book of Shadows...........................................................31
3
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The Troll Mantra:
I am a troll.
If you reply to me, you have been trolled.
If you react in any way, shape or form, you have been trolled.
If you say I fail, you have been trolled.
If you say anything contradicting me, you have been trolled.
I am a troll.
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The Trolling Guide
1. LURK MOAR:
The moar you lurk on an image board the
moar you will be a successful troll. Take
particular attention to what other posters get
offended by and what points they argue and
debate.
2. Argue, But Do Not Debate:

When you are trolling in a thread and need
to make a point, never debate the issue. You
must always argue the issue with half truths,
bias statements, blanket statements, and
generalizations. The best way to do this is by
stating a fact or truth and in the same
sentence make fun of or call your opposition
slanderous names.
3. Types of Trolling:
a. The Image Troll. Usually no text is

added to the post, though there may be text
in the image posted. This sort of trolling is
sometimes difficult if it is the OP, unless
coupled with The Bias Troll.
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b. The N00b Troll: This is a troll that

pretends to know nothing and needs to LURK
MOAR. However, the troll is actually using his
knowledge of LURKING MOAR to troll. An
example of this sort of troll is spouting
incorrect American history that boasts
America is better than Europe. “America saved
the world from the Nazis!” is a prime example.
Also, “What does ITT mean?” is perfect
example. I once convinced a cooking image
board that the OP’s Peanut Butter Cookie
recipe was the cause of an oven fire in my
house. Pics followed and luls ensued.
c. The Math Troll: Also known as an

Ultimate Troll. It seems everyone is a mathfag
when you’re posting bad math, especially
math theory. Simply put, all you need to do is
post bad algebra and pretend you know it all
about math. Be prepared for all caps lock and
death threats. Skill is required to OP this troll
without raising too much suspicion that you
are actually trolling. In b4 1000 posts. My
personal record, for this troll, has been over
2,300 posts.
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d. The Sympathy Troll: This is one of

the moar difficult types of trolling. It requires
that you at one time in your life cared for
something. You try to use that experience in
order to gain sympathy with the other lurkers.
The usual subjects for this troll are pets.
Everyone has a pet, wants a pet, or have at
one time cared for a pet of some kind.
Usually, the pet is injured or sick in some way.
Or, you’ve done something very stupid to the
pet and now need everyone’s help. Of course
you can go for other types of sympathy. An
example, “Someone stole my iPod, now what
do I do?” type of thing. Also, see the Baby
Bird Troll.
e. The Baby Bird Troll: This sort of

trolling requires you to be at least a level 14
Sympathy Troll. You must provide a picture of
a baby bird. You detail how you found it and
rescued it from certain ill fate and now need
information on how to raise it. Much later in
the thread you announce the baby bird died.
The type of death should be inventive, but
very believable. That is, you should have
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accidentally fed it something that killed it, you

sat on it, you stepped on it, your cat ate it,
etc. This sort of troll requires lots of reply
posting to be affective, but can be very
entertaining. In b4 it dies.
f. The Unpossible Situation Troll:

This is a troll post that sounds totally fake, yet
just might be real.
g. The Sexism Troll: This is an easy

troll. Simply pretend you are a woman and
make statements against men, or ask for a list
of things women are good at. Other trolls will
flock to this thread an add fuel to the fire.
h. The Bias Troll: Find two things such

as OSs, gaming consoles, countries, races, etc
that people either love or hate and play on
this.
i. The Wordfilter Troll: This is an easy

troll which other trolls will flock to. Simply
state in your OP image that a certain word
when typed will wordfilter into another word.
Of course this will not happen because you
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are making it up. Then post several successful

wordfiltered posts using whatever word it’s
supposed to be filtered to. What you will get
are tons of non-filtered posts and tons of
trolls pretending the filter actually worked.
j. The Fixed Troll: Reply to someone’s

post and misquote them to your own benefit
while saying “fixed” at the bottom of the
reply.
k. The Political Troll: The worst troll

you can do. These plain suck ass but are
effective. These can be fun if you are actually
into politics.
l. The Meme Troll: This is an evil troll.
You attempt to change a well established
meme. Example: Changing the Cock Mongler
into the Grin man, “Grin man likes to grin.”
m. The Furry Troll: Simply post images
of furries and/or yiffing, real or anime.
n. The Deletion Troll: This troll is a
bastard of trolls. Basically, you make a normal
thread and try to make it an awesome non-
trolling thread. Make sure you password the
deletion input box when you make it. After
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the thread really picks up and gets moving

delete it. Usually, when people start asking for
a sticky you know you’ve got a good thread
on your hands. Delete it immediately create a
response thread about the deletion of an
awesome thread and say something bad
about the mods and what not. Try to build the
thread up again and after 10 minutes delete
that thread to. Repeat as needed. With each
new thread you make delete it sooner and
make it look like the mods are finally catching
up. Soon you have everyone hating the mods
and admins for deleting awesome threads.
o. The JavaScript Troll: Everyone

hates websites with shitty JavaScript. So, why
not make a couple, (in geocities) and fag up
the technology and programming boards with
them? Make sure to proclaim that JavaScript
is far better than “plain old Java.”
p. The Troll’s Troll: This sort of troll

actually trolls other trolls by replying to their
posts and going overboard with your view
point of whatever they are talking about and
then label them a troll. Nothing trolls hate
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more than someone saying, “Feeeeed the troll

for he is hungry!” in several ways to every
post they make. You can also do this to just
about anyone to piss them off even if they
aren’t a troll. This can result in many luls.
q. The Religious Troll: This is also a

type of Bias Troll. This troll is basic Trolling
101 and requires almost no skill, but requires
a fair amount of tact because lots of people
like to use this sort of troll. You must have
lurked moar for a couple of days in a row
before using this troll. This is to make sure no
one else has done it right before you.
Although, there have been times were I
myself have had 3 such troll threads on the
same image board at once all above 200
posts. The reason these threads don’t usually
go higher than about 500 at the very most is
because most image boards do not have a
good enough ratio of religious to atheist
persons. If the ratio was 50-50 then you’d
have a real bible fight on your hands.
r. The Sitcom Troll: Detail your

hopefully fake, shitty life and existence and
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treat it like Livejournal. You can even tell

people about how you incorrectly raise your
kids (hopefully you never have real kids). Or,
you can be an incest troll and detail what you
want to do or have done with your family
member(s). Even talk about your non-existent
girlfriend and how bad you are treated. Make
sure you ask for advice. All you need is moar
drama.
s. The “Kill Yourself” Troll: Look for

brand new threads that have yet to get a
reply. Reply with, “Kill yourself,” or “Become
an hero.” That’s all you need to do. This sort
of troll is best used in threads where people
are asking for advice or giving or asking for
an opinion of any kind.
t. The Shock Troll: Simply post

disturbing images. I’ll let you decide what is
disturbing.
u. The Trap Troll: You find heaps of

troll bait on some chick’s blog, Myspace, or
Livejournal and pretend to be her. Bonus
points if you can shop requested proof into an
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image. Much more bonus points if you can

find nude photos of the chick you are
pretending to be. Major points if that chick is
really a guy and no one can tell until the penis
pics are posted. Add drama to the board by
deleting your thread a few minutes after
posting the nude pics.
v. The Promise Troll: This is an easy

troll. Find a thread where someone wants
something like porn, hentai, a manga, or
whatever. Say that you have what they are
looking for. Tell them you are on Dail-Up and
it is 30-50megs in size, but you’ll upload it
anyway just for them. But, you don’t. Then
never reply again. Another example is to post
a few images of a set that people would want.
Make sure there are no URLs or names on the
images so people can’t look them up
themselves. When things in the set start to
get good don’t post anything else.
w. The Censored Porn Troll: Post lots

of really hot porn, but make sure you censor
the images first.
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x. The Shitty Meme Troll: Try to force

your own meme. Make sure it wouldn’t be a
good meme. Something that annoys people is
best because if people hate it then other trolls
will scoop it up and further force it just to piss
people off. Eventually, you’ll have your very
own shitty meme.
y. The Spam Troll: DESU DESU DESU

DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU
DESU
z. The Party Van Troll: 3 words, “Mess

with football.”
There are many other types of trolls. Your

imagination is your only limit to what kind of
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trolls you can come up with. Be inventive.

There are a few I will not mention because
they are either illegal or go against my
morals. Yes, trolls need to have morals. If we
didn’t then we couldn’t summon up enough
skillz to do epic troll threads. Morals add fire
to your longer posts, even if they are morals
that you once had but no longer have. A well-
rounded troll needs passion as well as simple
slight of hand.
4. The Meat and Bones of Trolling:

A good troll never gets banned for his actions.
A great troll can troll hard and no one will
suspect he is a troll. Simply being a successful
troll means you are getting a lot of replies to
your thread. This is regardless to whether or
not people think you are stupid, a troll, or
gay; see the troll mantra.
How to properly dodge people that want

to kill/humiliate you and make them
waste their time searching and/or
stalking for a ghost:
This is also key to being a Epic Legendary
Troll. First, use a proxy as this will guard
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against asshole mods that post you IP or are

hunting you down, etc. Second, always use
the same tripfag name if you can. Third, using
that tripfag name, go out into the internet and
create a shit load of accounts on many
different forums. Always list your “real name”
and location. Make sure both of those are
fake. Keep that up forever. Sometimes let it
slip on other sites your real name and
location, only those will be fake too. Never
use phone numbers because those are easily
discredited. Keep up your fake identity at all
times, along with your double, triple, or even
quadruple layers of “real” fake identities.
Places like MySpace and LiveJournal are great
for this sort of thing. You can even
accidentally post your password for one of
those or your fake identity’s email account.
When someone hacks into it they will be able
to read tons of fake persona info on your fake
identity. The email hack is the most fun to set
up. Grab email accounts from lurking moar in
the image board you are trolling. Put all those
as your contacts in your emails, but label
them as Mom, Dad, Sis, Girlfriend or
whatever. Getting your account “hacked” by
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someone that sends out fake emails to your

contact lists but does not change your
password is great fun. There’s nothing like
solid disinformation and fake paper trails to
really make people pissed off. ^_^
How to properly reply to very angry

people:
Be nice and condescending, people hate
that when they are pissed. Tell them they
can’t control their anger and that they are
nothing more than a little kid that dropped
his/her ice cream cone in the dirt. You can
also prickle their anger be saying things like,
“I like it when you tickle my asshole with your
tongue.” But, be careful with such statements
as they may make you look like you are
impervious to their threats and as a result it
may cool them down. You want to keep their
temper up.
How to do a proper and “shitty” OP troll

post:
Choose your image and topic of trolldom.
Then post. If anyone disagrees with you
immediately reply to that person and call
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them a fucking Troll. As soon as three or moar

people with the same opinion appear in your
thread reply to all of them with, “Same
person”. Doing these two things will aid in
keeping the pressure off you as being a troll.
A moderately successful troll is one where
moar than 50% of the posters in the thread
think is not a troll. If someone has already
called “Same person” on you then you do the
same thing to other posts several times until
“Same person” becomes invalid in the thread.
If someone calls you a troll, call them a troll
and speak of “truth” you are posting. Even if
you are seen to be a troll by everyone deny,
deny, deny, and use bullheadedness to wear
down the naysayers using bloated posts in
reply to defended your honour. Remember,
they may be a Troll’s Troll.
Proper Images:
The best images to post as a troll are the
ones that can instantly be see without
downloading them or clicking on them in
order to see them better. OP images should
thus be 250x250 pixels and reply images
should be 150x150 pixels. Do not write text
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on a larger image and then shrink that image

to conform to those dimensions. Instead,
make your image its final size and only then
may you add text to it. Doing it this way
ensures that everyone will be able to properly
read you text at a glance. Of course you do
not have to stick to such small sizes. You can
have much larger images. It is better to have
images that are closer to being a square than
to have ones that are much longer in either
direction. The longer ones tend to get
squashed when they are thumbnailed and you
can not make them out as well.
Shopping and Image Finding:

It is a must that you are proficient with
Adobe Photoshop version 7 or higher. Creating
convincing shops and small alterations can
add great depth to your trolling. Of course
you may even create shitty shops in order to
use them as troll bait. If you can’t create your
image then steal one and edit it if needed. If
you are needing an image and are using a
search engine to find it then make sure that
you find one at least ten pages into the
search results. This prevents others from
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doing a simple google search and proving

you’re a troll.
Troll Bait:
This is what you use to attract other trolls
to your thread. This is usually for when you
are doing a N00b Troll and a Troll’s Troll. Fake
images of yourself are great. This is especially
true if you can shop in proof of who you are,
“Sup /b/?” Finding several photos of some
moron on Myspace and using those is usually
the best way to do this.
Seeding Your Troll Post:

Whether you are the OP or simply replying
to an OP as a troll you can always aid your
trolling by pretending to be for and against
your own post in several more posts replying
to it. This is especially helpful for your OP
threads. If your thread isn’t taking off then
this may be the only option left to you for a
successful troll. Pretend you are pissed at
your own post or agree with it depending on
the situation. If all else fails, bumping it with
porn might work.
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Troll Gangbanging:
This is the act of coming into a suspected
troll thread and helping the suspected troll.
Sometimes this gets out of hand and you will
end up with nothing but trolls trolling each
other with fake replies, which in itself can be
amusing albeit confusing.
Being Labeled a Troll:

If someone labels you a troll proclaim loudly
that you are not a troll and state points as to
why you are not a troll. Then label the
offender a troll trying to fag-up your thread.
Never ever give in to being called a troll. One
good response is type of reverse psychology,
“Sure, yeah, that’s right. I’m a troll. I’m just
here fagging up the board. Fuck you.”
Multitasking Your Trolling:

A master of trolling will have no less than 3
troll threads going, each with different
subjects and ways of trolling. This sort of
trolling requires skills and a clear head.
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5. Levels of Trolldom:
LVL 1 Fukken N00b: You suck. You’ve

done maybe 2 troll threads your whole life.
Doesn’t matter if they were great or not, you
still suck.
LVL 5 Goatse: You can done maybe 20

troll threads. Some have been okay. Most are
over 50 replies, but a lot have failed horribly.
LVL 10: You’ve done at least 10 troll
threads that have been over 100 replies.
LVL 15: You’ve done at least 20 troll

threads that have been over 100 replies.
LVL 20: You’ve done a total of at least

150 troll threads and at the very least there
has been 20 over 100 replies and 10 over 250
replies.
LVL 25: 250 troll threads, 50 over 100

replies, 25 over 250 replies, and 10 over 300
replies.
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LVL 30: 300 troll threads, 100 over 100

replies, 50 over 250 replies, and 20 over 300
repleis.
LVL 40: 400 troll threads, half need to

have been over 100 replies. 100 over 250
replies, 35 over 300 replies, 20 over 400
replies, 5 over 500 replies, and 1 over 1,000
replies.
LVL 50 Master Troll: 500 troll threads,

300 over 100 replies, 200 over 250 replies, 60
over 300 replies, 40 over 400 replies, 20 over
500 replies, 10 over 1,000 replies, 1 over
2,000 replies.
LVL 75 Grandmaster Troll: You’ve lost

count of how many troll threads you’ve done
once you passed 1,000. You have at least 30
that have been over 1,000 replies and a 5 that
were over 2,000 replies. You are becoming a
force on the internet. You’ve been able to
change how websites are monitored and
written. The ripples of your trolling run deep
and wide producing changes in many social
structures.
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LVL 100 FINAL BOSS OF THE

INTERNET: You’ve been trolling since before
there were any “chan” sites. You can’t even
remember how many troll threads you’ve
done but you know its way past 3,000. In
fact, the only posting you do is to troll. You
can’t remember what it was like when you
didn’t troll. Every troll thread you start now
exceeds 500 replies, though you’re getting
tired of trolling and don’t multitask like you
used to so you stick with one or two epic
threads. Over the course of your trolldom
you’ve had at least 60 troll threads that have
gone over 1,000 replies. You’ve finally had
your 10th troll thread that exceeded 2,000
replies. Your glory and crowing achievement
has been those 3 Epic and Legendary threads
that exceeded 5,000 replies. You’re trolling
has changed so much in the way of the
internet that you can claim to be the source of
a great many memes and have shut down
numerous sites with only a few words, not
that you meant to but it happened. The
Butterfly Effect around you has been
tantamount and has changed the way people
view the world. Lawyers were left shuddering
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in your wake and lawmakers have had to

make new laws and rewrite old ones from the
devastation you’ve done to world wide social
systems. You are the Final Boss of the
Internet!
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If you reply to any of this, you’ve been trolled!
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The Troll
Book
of
Shadows
(YUOr Trolling Diary)
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You can use the following pages to document

your Trolling successes, failures, lessons
learned, punishment meted out, destruction
wrought, or you could just draw tits and cocks
on them.
It's up to YUO!!11!1
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A Synaptyclypse Generator Publication
10:52.099, BoomTime, 69 Discord, 3173
11:11.25, Tuesday, 22 May, 2007
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The Grimoire of the Troll Deiscorides

Published by Synaptyclypse Generator

The Troll Mantra:

The Trolling Guide

2. Argue, But Do Not Debate:

a. The Image Troll. Usually no text is

b. The N00b Troll: This is a troll that

c. The Math Troll: Also known as an

d. The Sympathy Troll: This is one of

e. The Baby Bird Troll: This sort of

accidentally fed it something that killed it, you

f. The Unpossible Situation Troll:

g. The Sexism Troll: This is an easy

h. The Bias Troll: Find two things such

i. The Wordfilter Troll: This is an easy

are making it up. Then post several successful

j. The Fixed Troll: Reply to someone’s

k. The Political Troll: The worst troll

the thread really picks up and gets moving

o. The JavaScript Troll: Everyone

p. The Troll’s Troll: This sort of troll

more than someone saying, “Feeeeed the troll

q. The Religious Troll: This is also a

r. The Sitcom Troll: Detail your

treat it like Livejournal. You can even tell

s. The “Kill Yourself” Troll: Look for

t. The Shock Troll: Simply post

u. The Trap Troll: You find heaps of

image. Much more bonus points if you can

v. The Promise Troll: This is an easy

w. The Censored Porn Troll: Post lots

x. The Shitty Meme Troll: Try to force

y. The Spam Troll: DESU DESU DESU

z. The Party Van Troll: 3 words, “Mess

There are many other types of trolls. Your

trolls you can come up with. Be inventive.

4. The Meat and Bones of Trolling:

How to properly dodge people that want

against asshole mods that post you IP or are

someone that sends out fake emails to your

How to properly reply to very angry

How to do a proper and “shitty” OP troll

them a fucking Troll. As soon as three or moar

on a larger image and then shrink that image

Shopping and Image Finding:

doing a simple google search and proving

Seeding Your Troll Post:

Being Labeled a Troll:

Multitasking Your Trolling:

LVL 1 Fukken N00b: You suck. You’ve

LVL 5 Goatse: You can done maybe 20

LVL 15: You’ve done at least 20 troll

LVL 20: You’ve done a total of at least

LVL 25: 250 troll threads, 50 over 100

LVL 30: 300 troll threads, 100 over 100

LVL 40: 400 troll threads, half need to

LVL 50 Master Troll: 500 troll threads,

LVL 75 Grandmaster Troll: You’ve lost

LVL 100 FINAL BOSS OF THE

in your wake and lawmakers have had to

If you reply to any of this, you’ve been trolled!

You can use the following pages to document