WHBI

World Human Breeding Institution

Humans as Pets: A Brief Guide to Human Care

Introduction

Breeding humans has been a rewarding passion of many for almost half a century now. The
best human owners, however, are those who do their research in advance and find out exactly
how to properly care for these interesting and surprisingly intelligent cultured creatures. Before
you make the decision to start a human colony in your home, ask yourself whether you have the
time, money, and dedication to truly make your humans happy and healthy for the rest of their
lives. While humans have short life spans—usually five to seven decades, with the record being
just over nine decades—it is nonetheless an investment in your life to start a colony. This
website will give you a brief overview of what is necessary to care for humans; it is strongly
recommended, however, that you buy one or more books on the subject, as you will need to be
as informed as possible on possible problems that may arise.

Getting started: Human habitations

Humans are social, cultured animals who enjoy living in and decorating durable shelters.
Human homes for multiple humans can be called houses, mansions, apartments, or residences.
All have the same requirements, however: you will need at least as many private, bedded rooms
as you have humans, as well as larger rooms in which the humans can socialize and exercise.
We recommend habitations with at least one socialization room per family, as well as a large
room, or outdoor space called a courtyard, in which all humans in your habitation can easily fit.
Moderate lighting, to simulate Earth’s sun, should be effective about 7 to 12 hours per 24-hour
period. Keep the heating between 25 and 30 degrees Celsius. For exercise equipment, we
recommend large running spaces for children, and swimming pools, climbing equipment, and
trampolines for all ages of humans. Automated moving floors are often used in human
habitations, but this tends to stress humans out, so reputable human breeders will not
encourage you to buy habitations with moving floors. Cleaning the habitation should not be a
problem, as properly bred humans will clean their environment by themselves when they notice
it is getting dirty.

How many is enough?

While it is not hard to find breeders who will sell you humans individually or in small groups,
humans are happiest and healthiest when they live in groups of about 50 to 100. Make sure
your habitation is large enough to provide space for the number of humans you purchase. Refer
to the guidelines above. Humans are social beings and need a variety of choice for mates and
platonic companions. Individual humans rarely lead long and happy lives, for a lone human will
not have its social needs met and will become lonely and often exhibit self-destructive
behaviours. Humans in groups of less than 50 will obviously be happier than lone humans, but
have more chance of developing issues of aggression with each other and self-destructive
behaviour. Limited mating and socialization opportunities may not affect some humans, but
others will exhibit signs of frustration. Besides getting an adequate number of humans, you will
also need to ensure that they speak the same language. Language barriers tend to divide the
humans into language groups, limiting their mating and friend-making opportunities and often
creating problems of prejudice between groups. A responsible breeder will be able to tell you
which family human groups speak the same language.

Human Breeds

Compared to most species, there are very few specific breeds of humans. Mixed-breeds are
almost as common as pure-breeds in many regions of Earth. The predominant breeds are the
Common Asian, the Pure Black, the Large White, and the Bearded Brown. Other breeds and
mixed-breeds are also present on Earth, but are more difficult to find in pet stores and through
breeders. If you wish to become a breeder and intend to breed families of two or more different
breeds, be sure to contact the breeder to make sure the two families will get along. Studies
have shown that there are no definitive behavioural traits particular to any breed, and that it is
possible for any two breeds to get along. However, human culture and its complexity
guarantees that it is not possible to determine beforehand which families will get along with
which families. Breed differences sometimes cause fights between families, but new studies
show that it is usually differences in religious practice, an important component in human
culture, which accounts for inter-familial fights.

Feeding

Humans are omnivorous and have a culture in which they have developed a system of cooking
using fire or other forms of heat. Your human habitation will come with forms of human
technology which will allow the humans to cook for themselves. Natural food from Earth should
be provided to each family, and to any adult humans living apart from their families. A variety of
plants, human-prepared goods, and meat should be given to them. Consult a human nutrition
advisory book for more information on content of feedings. Humans typically eat a large meal
every four to six hours, usually with small, uncooked snacks in between meals. A human that
goes over three days without eating will need to be force-fed, but human family members will
tend to intervene before you will need to. Humans have a tendency to overeat, so be sure that
your humans get adequate amounts of exercise, and ration the food amongst themselves
properly. If all your humans become overweight, you will need to adjust the amount and type of
food you give your humans.

Handling

Humans are incredibly nervous creatures and should generally not be handled unless the
previous owner has explicitly told you it is okay. If your human seems to display repulsion
towards you, please remember that this is normal and that humans take time to adjust to the
presence of “intruders” into their homes. Familiarizing the humans to your presence, meaning
“intruding” into their homes at least once every 48 hours, will allow them to adjust to your scent,
appearance and sounds, and eventually begin to trust you. Handling is still not recommended,
as humans have extremely fragile body structures and will become distrustful again if a member
of the colony is harmed. In case of emergency, try as much as possible to move the entire
human habitation at once, or at least most of the human colony, so as to reduce their stress
levels.

Breeding

You will find that human breeding is very different from simply keeping humans as pets. A
normal human pet colony has all its members de-sexed; in human breeding colonies, none of
them are. Human mating is a very interesting phenomenon in the way it varies. Copulation can
occur in a night with two humans who have just met, and who retain no interest in each other
afterwards, or it can occur after humans have mated for months, after which the humans may
mate for life, or for any period of time as they see fit. Since human mating has so few general
rules, human breeders need to check on their humans very often to ensure that humans are
happy and healthy. Loud humans who cry often and exhibit destructive or self-destructive
behaviour may have serious issues in their mating lives, and will often become happier after
being carefully moved to a different habitation or a completely separate section of their current
habitation.

The gestation period for humans is nine months, after which the human young, called a baby
(babies, plural) is born in the normal mammalian way, usually one or two per birth. Labour is
very strenuous on the mother, so her health will need to be monitored closely during her
pregnancy, and other humans should be encouraged to be present and assisting during the
period of labour. Sterilized medical equipment should be placed in the woman’s sleeping room,
or designated birthing room, at the time of labour. When the baby is born, the mother or another
lactating human should begin breast-feeding as soon as possible. Babies should be breast-fed
for at least one year and should be gradually introduced to solid foods as their teeth grow in.
Babies become children at two to three years, adolescents at eleven to fourteen years, and
adults at two decades. Spaying or neutering, if desired, should be performed in early
adolescence to prevent unwanted copulation.
Crying

The most well-known fact about humans is their unique ability among creatures to emit large
amounts of water-like liquid from their eye sockets. Many human owners enjoy witnessing this
interesting phenomenon and will attempt to make their humans cry. However, crying is actually
a sign of misery in humans, and no reputable breeder will encourage owners to purposefully
induce crying in humans. Crying is most common in very unhappy humans as well as human
young (children). Short but frequent sessions of crying are healthy and natural in humans under
half a decade old. After this, crying should not occur more than once per month, and if it does,
you will need to make sure your humans are getting enough light, proper socialization, food, and
toys. Crying in adults is usually the result of a stressful change in environment, the death of
another human in the colony, the rejection of a potential or current mate, or a decrease in
proper living situations. If one of your humans is crying persistently on a regular basis and you
are unsure of the cause, visit a veterinarian as soon as possible.

Conclusion

Whether you wish to be a breeder or simply a casual owner of a human colony, you will need to
be educated and informed in order to make the best decisions regarding the purchase and care
of your humans. Be sure to purchase and equip a human habitation before introducing your
humans to it, and be sure to buy your humans and supplies from a respectable store or breeder.
The environment your humans live in will determine their health, sociability, and overall quality
of life, so read up as much as you can before making the decision to bring these unique,
cultured and interesting creatures into your home.