20 Secrets of Successful Single Motherhood

By Samantha Applewhite

1. Pick your battles. With the kids, over clothes, food, bath time, and friends; with your Ex
over child support, child rearing, and visitation; with Public Service Agencies over paperwork,
caseworker attitudes, benefits. Finally with your extended family over living up to their
expectations and holidays.

2. Prioritize your life. Decide on five important areas in your

life (i.e. yourself, children, career, social life, church, volunteering, etc.). Put them in order
from most to least important and within each area decide what activities you normally engage
in, then prioritize. If it is not a priority, say ‘no’. Decide later if it is worth adding to your list of
priorities.

3. Stay Focused. Set goals. When you get sidetracked get back on track. Post your goals, daily
routines, and appointments where you can see them.

4. Ask for help. From trusted family and friends with the children, automobile maintenance
and repair, occasional financial obligations, and limited decision making (advice)

5. Talk out your feelings. With trusted friends or a counselor. Bottled up emotions will
eventually explode. Get them out ASAP!

6. Step back when overwhelmed. It is better to walk away for a little while than to stay too
long and overload. Know when to say when.

7. Take a day off (forget responsibilities). It’s okay to take a day for yourself. If you feel too
guilty, take a half-day. Those few hours will do wonders for your soul. Use the time to pamper
yourself. When the mommy feels good, everyone else feels good too!

8. Have dreams, set goals. Life without dreams can be hopeless so dare to dream. But don’t
just stop there. Set attainable goals and remember to note the details of those goals in the
process. The when, where, and how of the goal will keep you on track in your effort to reach
them.

9. Maintain friendships. Friends are so important. Don’t forget the old ones and never be
afraid to make new ones. They enrich your life and help you remember that you are still an
adult. Another important thing about friendship is learning how to be a friend. There is trust,
loyalty, and commitment involved and you must possess these traits for long lasting
friendship, but it is worth it.
10. Realize the freedom you have. Being a single mother gives you so much freedom. You
make the decisions and you don’t have to answer to anyone. You can pick up and go when
you want to (with careful planning) and you are free to be or at least discover who you are as
an individual. Take advantage of your freedom.

11. Learn from mistakes. What good are mistakes if you don’t learn from them? They are
bound to come up again if you don’t correct the problem the first time. There are some things
that are hard to grasp the first time around and we may not even realize that it is a problem,
but if it comes around over and over again you should recognize that something is probably
wrong somewhere. Learning and growing is a never-ending process so get a clue as soon as
possible and save yourself a lot of aggravation.

12. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Even though you make mistakes don’t be too hard on
yourself. Being human means that you won’t be perfect so accept it and move on. You will be
much happier and you will give your self-esteem a positive break.

13. Forgive yourself. It is okay to ask God to forgive you or to ask others to forgive you, but it
is more important that you forgive yourself. Forgiving yourself gives you freedom from guilt
and pain and it helps you move on with life in a positive way. You can be your own worst
enemy so forgive yourself and choose to be happy with your decision and the rest of your life.

14. Follow your own path. There is a certain path that everyone must take for himself or
herself. Following someone else’s path for your life can lead you down a long road full of
sorrows. Pray for guidance in finding your own path and believe that God is directing you.
When you find yourself taking a detour, have the courage to stop, turn around, and get back
on your true path.

15. Resolve personal issues one at a time. There are some things in life that need specialized
attention and resolving past issues is one of them. If you try to tackle more than one issue at
a time, you run the risk of becoming overwhelmed, emotionally drained, and even depressed
because you can’t see progress.

16. Make time for hobbies. Hobbies are meant to be enjoyed. They give you pleasure so set
aside some time to do the things that make you happy. All work and no play make life much
too stressful.

17. Enjoy your kids. They are only young once so enjoy them now. Getting down to their level
physically is so important to them and to you. Listen to their joys and pains. Play games with
them. Tickle them no matter how old they think they are. Touch is an amazing healer and
bonding agent. They can never get enough of your touch.

18. Cherish your shower/bath time. That may be the only alone time you get. Lavish yourself
with wonderful smelling fragrances, body wash, and candles. Bubbles and body scrubs all
make you feel like a pampered princess. Add some music and be prepared to float away to a
better place (at least for 15 minutes).

19. Avoid Super Mom Syndrome. There is so much to get done and only one of you to do it.
As much as you would like to get everything and make sure that everything is perfect, don’t
burn yourself out trying to get it all done. The most important job you have is to take care of
your child and yourself. Ways to avoid the super mom syndrome is to ask for help, set
priorities, relax certain standards in regards to housekeeping, saying yes to everyone, etc. Get
help in meals by having someone cook for you, make casseroles, and have leftovers often.

20. Maintain a relationship with God. This last, but most important tip, is the primary key to
success as a single mother. Talking to God through prayer is one way to build a relationship
with God. Reading the bible is another way to build your relationship with God. Simple verses
in Psalms and Proverbs are favorites and require only a few minutes of your time. You will
soon find that the words written there are your words. You will receive hope and
encouragement especially when you are going through a particularly hard time. Read the bible
and stay connected to God, your ultimate friend and provider.

If you decide to take up the challenge of being a successful single mother, you will soon find
that your life has changed dramatically. The only person who can determine the outcome in
you life is you. Trust that, by following the process of self improvement and success, you will
come out ahead in life. It is the best example that you can set for your precious children.
 "INSPIRATIONAL QUOTES"

COULD IT BE TRUE?

June 2, 2010
" The true test of character are genuine testimonials, not from the upper higher part of the society
- those who are in power, but rather from the ordinary people - those who are in the lower and
lowest part of the society. They may be regarded by many as mew and insignificant but they will
only speak of the truth without hesitation."
Written in 2009 by James Padilla--- Philippines
PRAY. Live a life with HUMILITY. What you do to the least of my brothers you do unto me....
these are words from God. We tend to be nice to people in power, people who we feel we will
benefit from and cruel to those who are what we call as helpers etc. We create a facade, a mirror
of two faces. Your character is best conveyed to the least of your fellow men.

June 2, 2010
" After you've done the best that you can do and you've spent all the passion, courage and effort
you have, but things still seem out of reach, then this is the time for you to ask God if what you've
tried to achieve is what He wants you to have. Because sometimes we waste our time chasing
something that is not meant for us, while we ignore what God has prepared for us."
Written in 2010 by Johni Pangalila --- Australia

June 2, 2010
" Dear Adversity... I want to say thank you for making me a fighter!"
Written in 2010 by Yvonne N. Pierre --- Georgia

January 30, 2006

" Enjoy the beautiful things that are yours. Cherish them, be captivated by them, give your heart
to them, but when it is time to let them go, do so with grace and love with no regrets and look
forward to the next gift God has in store for you."
Copyright © 2006 Bridgette Stone
I wrote this quote after my recent loss of many family members and friends, divorce, and
complete change of life. Through God's strength, I am stronger today despite the hardships.

January 30, 2006

" Leave the past where it belongs, it cannot be changed. Now look into the future. If it's empty you
have achieved your goal. Now go and create that future into whatever you want it to be."
Written in 2006 by Daniel Rozsa --- Quebec, Canada

January 30, 2006

" You must learn to be still in the midst of activity and to be vibrantly alive in repose."
Indira Gandhi --- Submitted by Anu G. --- California
She is my favorite lady. I have immense respect for her courage. Whenever I see her photograph,
I will have some kind of inspiration.

January 25, 2006

" Hope floats, doubt sinks."
Copyright © 2005 Denise Malanka
I came up with this after a very difficult fall with my children and ex-husband, illness and financial
hardships. When the people say they don't believe that humanity is good, I say they are wrong
and that they can hope for a new day or sink.

January 25, 2006

" Struggles are only bad while one is engaged in them; once through the pain, these problems are
nothing to worry about and will make one a stronger person inside."
Copyright © 2006 Derek Robinson

January 23, 2006

" We all have the means to bestow on others the most lavish gifts; love, joy, peace, hope,
kindness, acceptance, encouragement, laughter, forgiveness, time. There is not enough money
to buy them and not too little money to give them. The more you spend, the wealthier you
become; yet nothing will cost you more than what you freely possess to give."
Copyright © 2005 Eden Eliot

January 23, 2006

" To love another person is to see the face of God."
Victor Hugo --- Submitted by Didi Castellanos --- California

January 23, 2006

" Every day is perfect. Some are better."
Copyright © 2005 Ned Weller

January 18, 2006

" Touch a heart, leave a hope, stroke a faith and lend a hand. Life begins with simple things. Let's
remember that!"
Written in 2004 by Nirvi Dahiya --- India

January 18, 2006

" I am what I am because God recognized that I was to be what He wanted from me."
Copyright © 2005 Cathi Young

January 18, 2006

Take a shower
Shine your shoes
You've got no time to lose
You are young
And you must be living
Go now
You are forgiven.
Copyright © 2005 Sarah Duffy

January 16, 2006

" Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase."
Martin Luther King, Jr.
January 16, 2006
" The difficulties, hardships and trials of life, the obstacles... are positive blessings. They knit the
muscles more firmly, and teach self-reliance."
William Matthews

January 16, 2006

" The bravest are surely those who have the clearest vision of what is before them, glory and
danger alike, and yet notwithstanding, go out and meet it."
Pericles

January 11, 2006

" Live like a burning candle, being selfless, spreading light around you."
Written in 2005 by Sheena Rachel --- Kerala, India

January 11, 2006

" When facing times, which seem hard and unfair, remember one thing: tough times and
challenges only fall upon the best, and it is how we react to these which determines how we are
bettered in the future."
Written in 2005 by Krishan Y.T. --- United Kingdom
I though of this when I was in an extremely negative state of mind due to an unforeseen
circumstance which occurred, and it has helped me through a lot of bad karma since! I am also
aware it has aided many of my friends and relatives too and so I am now sharing it with the world.

January 11, 2006

Giggles In Dreams

Is it the Horsy ride

That makes you Giggle in dreams
Or the flying spoon
Open the hatch
Hear comes your food

Is it the bedtime stories

That I read
Or the lullabies
That I sing

Could it be
The cartoons
How your laughter
Fills a room

Or is it the whisper
I love you
Sleep my baby

The dawn seems

So faraway
Sleep my baby
I hear you Giggle in dreams
Copyright © 2005 Michael Yeazel
This poem is about my children, remembering...

January 9, 2006
" When you open your eyes in the morning, don't think too much. Don't think about what you are
going to wear; don't think about terrorism and being afraid to go out. Don't think about being late
for work; don't think about the financial debt you are in. Don't think about the lies you told people
yesterday or years ago; don't think about what you could have done. When you wake up in the
morning, just do one thing: smile. Smile because your eyes are open and you are alive to enjoy
another day, and given the chance to not regret anything."
Written in 2005 by R. Worrell --- Pennsylvania
I thought about this one day when I woke up.

January 9, 2006
" I left the night behind, and even if it pretends to surround me in the dark abysm, I keep walking,
fearless, and with self-confidence and calm."
Angel Borja --- Submitted by Gabriela Ferrara --- Mexico
When you overcome a trouble, the life goes on and you shouldn't turn back - otherwise it can
reach you again!! Take risks!! The problems shall pass as well.

January 9, 2006
" The best gifts to give: to your friend, loyalty; to your enemy, forgiveness; to your boss, service;
to a child, a good example; to your parents, gratitude/devotion; to your mate, love/faithfulness; to
all men/women, charity. If you're given a hug/embrace/ kiss perhaps, a pat on the back, a smile,
tears, YOU gave a gift that touches the heart."
Author Unknown --- Submitted by James Padilla --- Manila, Philippines

"PERSONAL / SELF GROWTH"

HINTS FOR SELF IMPROVEMENT

June 2, 2010
" What is done cannot be undone but what is left to be done, should not be left undone."
Written in 2010 by Samyukta Gudena --- India
I often regretted over my decisions in the past. Today my whole career is in front of me and I
realize it depends on me how I handle it. As I was lost in these thoughts, the above lines ran
across my mind. They motivated me to look into my future with a positive mind. Hope it motivates
someone else too.

June 2, 2010
" If you take the time, you will find that the most interesting person you could ever know is
yourself."
Written in 2009 by Tomislav Domacinovic --- Croatia

June 2, 2010
" If you are saddened by other's sorrow, then sorrow will never come to you, & if you are happy at
other's joy, then joy will never leave you."
Sri Sri Ravishankar --- Submitted by Narayan Veeraraghavachar
 "THOUGHT FOR THE DAY"

WORDS TO CONSIDER

June 2, 2010
" We do not fall in love with beautiful people; we find them beautiful because we love them."
Author Unknown --- Submitted by J.M. Manchanda --- India
The quote suggests that we do not go just for a beautiful face. It is the inner beauty, which
matters, in the long run. Relationships based on love and trust last longer and are thus more
valuable.

June 2, 2010
" In order to truly communicate, we must take responsibility for the heart space that exists
between another and us. It is that heart space, or the absence of it, that will determine whether
communication is miraculous or fearful."
Author Unknown --- Submitted by Ibrahim Nurudeen --- Ghana
The quote above has helped me achieved many things in life, through the power of effective
communication.

June 2, 2010
" Always remain true to oneself and do not be defined by others or conform to their standards or
thoughts of whom you shall be. Love the greatness in YOU that our marvelous creator designed
you to be!"
Written in 2010 by Melissa Williams-Robinson --- Florida