2 | The Phoenix | April 2009

Bye bye!
Editor-in-Chief: Alexis Ratz
ubcophoenixeditorinchief@gmail.com
Business Manager: Heather Stack
ubcophoenixbusinessmanager@gmailcom
News Editor: Ana Weiss
ubcophoenixnewseditor@gmail.com
Features Editor: Andrew Bates
ubcophoenixfeatureseditor@gmail.com
Arts Editor: Aidan Whiteley
ubcophoenixartseditor@gmail.com
Sports & Leisure Editor: Dan Pitura
ubcophoenixsportseditor@gmail.com
Issues & Activism Editor: Jay Butula
ubcophoenixactivismeditor@gmail.com
Copy Editor: Aidan Ranney
ubcophoenixcopyeditor@gmail.com
Cover design by Heather Stack
To advertise withthe Phoenix:
ubcophoenixbusinessmanager@gmailcom
ALEXIS RATZ
Editor-in-Chief
Well, we did it. We completed the 20th volume of The Phoe-
nix. And what a year it was! Thank you, all of you, who took
the time to contribute, whether through visual art, written Recently, Phoenix articles involving the UBC-O Senate Elec-
submissions, or even hate mail. It has been one of the best tions named a number of people that had made complaints
years for student contributions in Phoenix history (at least as about the secrecy in the senate elections. These people were
far back as any of us can recall), which tells us we’re doing named based on a list of complainants given to the Phoe-
something right. If you’re bored, we aren’t doing our jobs. nix by UBC’s Triennial Returning Oficer, Chris Eaton. The
Phoenix now understands that this list, which appeared in
Not perfect, no sir. A few things have certainly slipped issues 11 and 12, was derived from a selection of elections-
through the cracks this year. On that note, we’d like to thank related e-mails rather than formal complaints. Geoff Ingram
Colin Mather for his feedback and for his journalistic integ- did not submit a formal complaint. Nicole Strachan, whose
rity. name was mis-spelled in the original article, had e-mailed
Eaton to complain that her name had appeared on the bal-
But we’ve also made some really positive changes, like bring- lots despite the fact that she had dropped out of the race, not
ing in our Issues & Activism section. If the students are apa- in connection to any concerns about secrecy or voters lists.
thetic, we’re all screwed, right? So get involved. The captain The Phoenix regrets this error and apologizes for any incon-
of next year’s Phoenix ship will be Dan Pitura, who is still venience it may have caused.
looking for a News Editor, Sports Editor, Business Manager,
and for anyone else with fresh ideas they’d like to explore in
print. The more voices the better, so use yours.
To get involved, send your inquiry to ubcophoenixedito-
rinchief@gmail.com (remember, “Phoenix” is O before E).
In parting, and to quote a legend,
You stay classy, UBC-O.

The Phoenix can be found in room SSC 013A of the

UBC Okanagan campus.

Please address mail to the editor of choice at:

The Phoenix Newspaper

Room SSC 013A
3333 University Way

t s
Kelowna, B.C.

n
Canada V1V 1V7

Phone: (250) 807-9296

Fax: (250) 807-8431
ubcophoenixeditorinchief@gmail.com

Co n t e
The Phoenix is the UBC-O students’ free press. Editorial 3 News
content is separate from the Student’s Governing Body
(UBCSUO) and from the institution at large. UBC-O suspends parking ines, OC dodges tuition hike, UBC-O
celebrates World Water Day
The editorial staff encourages everyone to submit mate-
rial to the Phoenix but reserves the right to withdraw
submissions from publication for any reason. “Any
reason” could be material deemed to be sexist, racist,
homophobic, or of poor taste or quality. The Phoenix
will not publish materials which condone, promote, or
express actions which are illegal under current laws. 5 Issues & Activism
This does not include articles which provide an in-depth
examination of both sides of a controversial subject
(e.g. legalising marijuana).
A month of action
We welcome letters: Letters should be typed, doubles-
paced, under 300 words, and either left with or mailed to
the Phoenix office. Your name and phone number must
be included. Anonymity may be granted at the discretion 6 Features
of the editorial staff of the Phoenix.
Electronic Submissions: Submissions on disk should Aramark cont’d
include a hard copy. We ask that you save contributions
on disk in “Text Only” or “RTF” formats, or attach docu-
ments to an email.

8 Sports & Leisure

The Phoenix is published, in part by:
The University of British Columbia Students’ Union
Okanagan (UBCSUO) and is an active member of the
Men inish gold, Spring Skiiing, Bird Watching
Canadian University Press

10 Features
Energy drinks

12 Arts & Culture

Azeda Booth & Kingdom Cloud, Heroes, & more

15 Opinions
www.ubcsuo.ca www.cup.ca
Onpen names, Onions, Good sex and wrong sex.

17 OCSU
Munchie!!

18 UBCSUO
Year in review
 News
UBC suspends parking ines due to lawsuit
3

But don’t amass a lot of tickets, or you might get towed

ANDREW BATES
Features Editor
ubcophoenixfeatureseditor@gmail.com
Are you one of the 3,200 people who
purchased a parking pass? If you are
having a problem inding a place to
park in one of UBC-O’s roughly 1,800
parking spots, you need to hear this:
In the wake of a B.C. Supreme Court
judgement about UBC’s right to charge
parking ines, the university will stop
charging money for infractions. How-
ever, they will still tow people who ac-
cumulate a lot of tickets.
The lack of an option to make tickets
to go away seems unfair, according to
Scott Denis, a 2nd-year Engineering
student. “Sometimes, you don’t really
have the option to park legally, because
there’s no parking spots,” he told the
Phoenix. UBC-O sells about 1,400 more
tickets than there are usually places to
park. “There’s not much space... some-
times you see people lined up all along
the sides and some days they don’t
give them tickets because [they] know
there’s a problem.”
placing the Boot on the vehicle, the ve-
hicle will just be towed away, offsite.”
The class-action suit was brought
about by Daniel Barbour, a chartered
attendant from Vancouver who had
his vehicle towed from campus for
unpaid tickets while attending a den-
tist’s appointment. “The case was that
I commenced an action against UBC
to recover ines that they had virtually
extorted from me by towing my car,
and claimed that I had unpaid park-
ing tickets,” he told the Phoenix. “The
argument was that UBC did not have
the authority to ine people or to tow
people for past moneys owing. The
judge has agreed with that position,
and has ordered that UBC divest itself
of the ines and towing money they
have received.”
Initially, the university argued that the
City of Vancouver had given them the
UBC will continue to give out parking warnings, and will tow repeat offenders.
power to issue ines in the same way
Photo by David Jones (lickr)
a municipality does. The night before
the trial, it began instead falling back
on the idea that almost anyone who Although the class-action lawsuit only
parked at UBC-V entered into an im-
plicit contract to park legally. However,
names UBC Vancouver and the period
of the class action predates the transi-
By The Numbers

The Supreme Court decision was re-
leased on March 31st in a class-action
lawsuit whose trial had started in
September of last year. It ruled that
UBC-V had illegally collected parking
ines between 1990 and 2005. No one is
quite sure how this might affect UBC
the judge ruled that they did not have
the ability to enter into those kinds of
contracts.
However, that decision does not stop
UBC from regulating parking, accord-
ing to Scott Macrae, Executive Director
1,800
tion from Okanagan University Col-
lege, its inancial implications could
spread up here. “We anticipate that it
was the university that is part of this
lawsuit, and the university includes Estimated number of parking spac-
our campus in Kelowna,” Macrae said. es on-campus at UBC Okanagan
“It’s possible,” Appleton told the Phoe-

Okanagan drivers.
This has caused UBC Okanagan to re-
evaluate parking on both of their cam-
puses, and brings in a new temporary
parking policy. “If someone parks il-
legally, we will write them a warning
violation, and place it just like you
would a parking ticket,” Gary Apple-
ton, parking security manger, told the
Phoenix. “If they’re repeat offenders,
instead of placing multiple ines or
of UBC Public Affairs. “The univer-
sity has the right to regulate parking,
to charge for parking, and the right to
tow people for parking regulations,”
Macrae told the Phoenix. Although
UBC does not have the ability to tow
based on outstanding unpaid tick-
ets, that doesn’t mean you cannot be
towed. “If you were parked illegally at
the university, there would be the right
to tow you,” he said.
3,200
nix. “The probability of that is that
the class-action suit was from 1990 to
2005... and we were not doing business
here at that time.” Estimated number of parking pass-
es on-campus at UBC Okanagan
According to Barbour, his legal team
is ighting to receive from UBC a list
of names from 1990-2005 so that those
who had been charged , estimated at
100,000 people, would not need re-
ceipts. If you have parked at UBC and
$175
Cost to purchase a year-round
are one of the 100,000 you just may parking pass at UBC Okanagan
have won the lottery.

News at a glance
ANA WEISS
News Editor

International National Provincial Local Campus

The United States economy
has taken another hit with the
news that it has lost another
63,000 jobs in March. Unem-
ployment has risen to 8.5%
south of the border, levels that
have not been seen since 1983.
The U.S. Department of La-
bour says that, since the start
of what experts now identify
as the recession (in December
2007), there have been 5.1 mil-
lion jobs lost - 3.3 million of
those have occurred in the last
5 months. “It’s an ugly report
and April is going to be equal-
ly as bad,” said Mark Zandi,
chief economist at Moody’s
Economy.com.
Canada’s inance minister,
Jim Flaherty, has claimed that
“relatively speaking, this is a
mild economic recession.” He
delivered this optimistic mes-
sage in London to a meeting
of the Canada-U.K. Chamber
of Commerce. “These are rela-
tively mild challenges for us,”
said Flaherty. He said that the
governments and provinces of
Canada are in strong iscal po-
sitions and that they have been
running on surpluses for some
time. Though Flaherty is quite
positive about the situation,
Prime Minister Steven Harper
expects many more job losses
in the future.
The body of an infant was
found wrapped in a plastic
bag in between two houses in
Vancouver’s eastside neigh-
borhood. Residents in the
neghbourhood found the baby
on Thursday, April 2nd. They
are reported to have called
911 after inding a “igure in-
side the bag,” said Const. Jana
McGuinness of the Vancouver
police. Police do not expect the
body to be connected to any-
one in the neighborhood, and
describe the death as “suspi-
cious” and are appealing to
the mother, or anyone who
may know her, to contact po-
lice, McGuinness said.
Kelowna wants chickens!
Kelowna City Councilor Mi-
chele Rule is introducing a
motion aimed to make it le-
gal for local residents to keep
chickens in their backyard. “I
have been in touch with elect-
ed oficials in other commu-
nities who either have or are
considering similar bylaws,”
said Rule. Presently, Kelowna
residents are allowed to own
chickens, but they must be
able to roam over half an acre
of property and said prop-
erty must receive special zon-
ing. Who knows, maybe this
year chickens will replace last
year’s wild rabbits.
After fourteen years, the Well
Pub is closing in its current lo-
cation. It is a particularly sad
time of the year for students
at UBC-O as they say their
last goodbyes to their beloved
campus pub. The Well Pub has
been hosting great parties and
serving cheap beer since 1995.
It will be moving to a new lo-
cation in the Students’ Union
Building next year. Now that
the bottom of the Student Ser-
vice Centre is emptying out,
the cozy Well will be turned
into administration space. It’ll
be new and improved in the
new SSC, though the original
Well will be missed greatly.
 4 | The Phoenix | April 2009
NEWS
O.C. tuition fees won’t increase in 2009/10
New budget bolstered by provincial funding, allows for growth
ANDREW BATES ing recieved from the provincial gov- Board of Governors.” solid, up-to-date policy around tuition
Features Editor ernment this year, not in as tough of a fees were in place. “The marketplace
ubcophoenixfeatureseditor@gmail.com inancial situation as they thought they The Kal Campus Students’ Association, in which we operate, in our sector, has
would be,” he told the Phoenix. We also which represents students on the Vernon changed with the advent of the new
Lobbying pressure and unexpected got money for growth, so we’re expect- campus, was in support of the proposed teaching universities,” Hamilton said.
funding collaborated to ensure that ing now to be able to generate an addi- increase. Despite this oficial stance, ac- “All of a sudden [we] have the highest
tuition fees won’t rise next year at tional 200 student spaces... we expected cording to sources, over 100 students tuition fees in the province.” The prin-
Okanagan College. On March 31st, the to have funding for 65 of those, but what signed a petition in protest of the in- ciples, as well as the current tuition fee
Okanagan College Board of Governors we didn’t expect was the other 136 that crease during one day of campaigning levels, were all carried forward from
approved a budget that did not increase came about in the last minute.” on the campus. That number represents the amounts charged when the college
tuition for the college, whose arts un- roughly one-sixth of the campus’ full- was a part of Okanagan University Col-
dergratuate fees are the highest among lege. “For every one of those tuition fee
colleges in British Columbia. levels, I’m sure there was at one point

“The board is recognizing that the
whole tuition fee issue needs to be ap-
proached on a very rigorous basis,”
said Okanagan College President Jim
Hamilton. “Students do face signiicant
inancial challenges in going to school...
the board wanted to at least acknowl-
edge that, and did so through their de-
cision.”
“I think this is an incredibly important
victory for students,” said Andrew Nel-
son, chair of the Okanagan College Stu-
dents’ Union. “If you look at the past
four years, we’ve had 0% increases for
three of them, which is the only school
out of the province to do that.”
According to Hamilton, last-minute
funding helped loosen the college’s belt.
“They [the board] found themselves, by
virtue of some additional funding be-
“Students do face signiicant inan-
cial challenges in going to school.”
Jim Hamilton, president of Okanagan College
This is a reversal from what seemed be-
fore to be the board’s intention to pass
a resolution that increased tuition fees
by 2%, which is the maximum allow-
able amount, each year automatically.
Student representatives say that strong
input helped change the minds of the
board. “Part of it was that we articulat-
ed the need students had for affordable
education,” Nelson told the Phoenix.
“We went to students directly. We peti-
tioned them, irst of all, informed them,
and then held our own consultation to
get their feedback and bring it to the
time student base.
Overall, it was suggested that a large
part of the decision was due to the fact
that OCSU representatives also made a
presentation to the Board of Governors
in January as well as appearing in front
of the Board’s inance committee. “We
were directly linked and commnicating
that message, and they seem to be re-
sponding,” Nelson told the Phoenix.
Hamilton emphasized that going for-
ward, the board wanted to ensure that
was a good rationale as to why it was
pegged at that amount in OUC’s day.
That was four years ago, so it’s time we
took a good look at it.”
Hamilton stressed that any decision
around tuition fees is always dificult.
“What the board doesn’t have, this
board or any board of any post-second-
ary institution around the country that
I’m aware of, is clear public policy that
says ‘students should be expected to
bear responsability for a certain percent-
age of the total cost of their education’,”
he told the Phoenix. “What the board
and administration here... do, then, is
they try to ind how to take the dollars
that are available and provide as much
service as they possibly can... that’s the
way the budget works every year.”

UBC-O Students Celebrate World Water Day

On-campus event featured speakers, barbecue, art
ANDREW BATES
Features Editor
ubcophoenixfeatureseditor@gmail.com
Water was the focus on campus as World
Water Day events took place from March
24th to March 27th. The events started
with opening ceremonies on Tuesday
of that week. Speakers at the event in-
cluded Mayor Sharon Shepard, as well
as various leaders from the irst-nations
community and campus community
made speeches.
A free barbecue for students was held
by the UBC Students’ Union Okanagan,
with musical performances and an
opening procession including a large
blue face with hands that represented
water. Additionally, the bottom of the
courtyard pond, which is empty dur-
ing the winter months to prevent dam-
age from frozen water, was lined with
discarded bottles of water. “The bottles
of water were collected on campus in
co-ordination with Facilities manage-
ment and a Fine Arts major,” said Alexis
Beckett, vice-president of the Archaol-
ogy Course Union. “She collected them
because she hoped they would ill up
the pond and give a really good visual
of how much water we’re consuming
via bottle on campus.”
“It’s really important for students to see
the amount of effort and work put in by
so many faculties,” said Angela Mul-
vey, External Coordinator of the ACU.
“There were so many different people
from all areas of the campus getting
together and focusing on one of these
major issues that attention needs to be
brought to.” Beckett and ACU president
Angell Clarke, among other students,
presented at the ceremonies, and Clarke
was said to have played a major role in
planning the event.
It was a great way to promote the cause,
according to Beckett. “World Water Day
ceremonies on campus creates aware-
ness and when we do have such a water
shortage problem in the Okanagan, the
more people that know the better... In a
University, there are all kinds of people
with all kinds of ideas that can come to-
gether to create a solution,” she said.
Water was highlighted as an issue the
week before, when a notice from a ic-
tional Dean of Faculties went up in
bathrooms in the SSC informing stu-
dents that tuition was going to rise be-
cause of costs related to excessive use of
water on campus. “Due to this irrespon-
sible use [of water], in the fall semester
of 2009 there will be a new fee added to
the tuition of UBC-O students,” read the
letter. Nobody knows who put up the
letter, but according to Mulvey, it did a
good job of getting attention to the is-
sue. “There were two people that I work
with, and they were outraged! They
thought it was real, so it is a really good
way to... raise awareness to issues such The bottles that covered the bottom of the pool represented water use at UBC-O.
as water issues on campus.” Photo by Andrew Bates (The Phoenix)

I n t e r e s t e d i n sort of information was public, either
t h e A r a m a r k certain extent if they ever had to nego-
contract?
Contact ubcophoenixfeaturesedi-
tor@gmail.com for your compli-
mentary .pdf copy.
barbecues or anything that goes on in
the Student Lounge (which probably
refers to what now is the Cage, where
Koi Sushi and the Well Coffee House
are). Aramark also gets to renegotiate
the contract if any “new, unforseen
Arms Length or Competing Business”
is hurting its operation. Read: Affect-
ing its sales igures.
An interesting standard part of con-
tracts is the force majeure clause. This
is a standard clause in contracts and
deals with so-called “Acts of God”:
in the event that the school was over-
taken by “ire, explosion... conditions
of war, [an] act of military authority,
rebellion or civil disobedience,” nei-
ther the school nor Aramark could be
held responsible for not living up to
the contract. If the Well regulars ever
decided to hold an armed upbringing,
take over the campus, and declare it
was the independent nation of Wello-
nia, no, you would not be able to ind
a place on campus offering a decent
pasta.
Also in the contract is a piece prevent-
ing any former manager of Aramark
from moving to the University’s em-
ploy until a year after the contract
expires. It’s kind of a non-competion
thing, I guess. Additionally, whoever
Aramark chooses for Director of Food
Services must be approved by the
University. The school pays all of Ara-
mark’s business and import taxes, ex-
cept for property taxes, which sounds
like a good deal. When your headquar-
ters are in Philadelphia, like Aramark,
it’s handy to have UBC pick up import
duties.
So What’s Not There?
First of all: money. In neither agree-
ment does it mention who pays what
for what; it doesn’t indicate if Aramark
received or recieves a signing bonus,
if UBC pays Aramark to provide food
services, or if Aramark gives UBC a cut
FEATURES
of sales. Now, that makes sense. If that
body would be tied to that amount to a
tiate with anyone else.
What’s a little more confusing is the
term. In both contracts, the length
of the term has been censored. The
reason why this is confusing is that
it’s something everyone knows. The
conidentiality clause in the contract
doesn’t stop either body from reveal-
ing it, and I don’t know how it would
hurt UBC or Aramark if anyone knew
how long that contract was for. There’s
always the possibility that the contract
has an extension, I guess. Luckily, the
memo attached to the cover letter for
the UBC-Aramark amendment spells
it out for us: the contract ends on De-
cember 31st of 2011. “Typically, when
you’re heading into something that’s
that substantial, I’d think you’re look-
ing at at least six months or so in ad-
vance,” said Shannon Dunn, UBC’s Di-
rector of Housing and Conferences. “It
usually has to have a tendered process,
and that takes time.”
One topic that has been making news
lately is the 34% overhead charge ap-
plied to the balance that remains on
an Aramark meal plan at the end of
the year. This charge doesn’t appear
on the contract I have, but it could be
in the censored appendix. “That was
something that... went in after the Ara-
mark contract started,” Dunn told the
Phoenix. “What happens with that is
that essentially covers the cost of the
facilities being open [until 7:30].”
Although both UBC and Aramark de-
scribe the cafeteria’s being open till 7:30
as more than just “a business piece,”
it’s clear that this service is funded by
this overhead, which can be as much
or more than $300 dollars per single
student. However, Dunn defends the
practice. “Let’s say... you had 500 stu-
dents on the meal plan, and they all
had meal plans, and nobody chose to
use any of it,” she said. “It’s helping
pay for the hours that they wouldn’t be
open otherwise.” When asked whether
or not this means that students that put
money on cash cards are obligated to
spend it, Dunn replied “You’re not ob-
ligated, in the sense of whether you’d
chosen to or not, but of course there’s
a inancial cost to not doing so.” Next
year, the maximum amount of money
April 2009
you can put on a cash card will in-
crease.
A journey for freedom!
It took me numbers of phone calls, e-
mails, and faxes to get this contract,
over the course of a whole term. Even-
tually, though, I did receive it, even
though it was heavily censored. I’m
going to ask the privacy commissioner
to review the contract to see if they re-
ally removed just what they had to,
and I’m pushing for Aramark to an-
swer some questions I still have.
The most important word in “Free-
dom of Information” is “information.”
You’ll note that nothing revealed in
that document is really all that bad.
Aramark has an exclusivity clause, but
Blackout!
Although the Freedom of Informa-
tion act lets a taxpayer get a look
at the documents of a public insti-
tution, it doesn’t necessarily mean
that all information is free. They
don’t have to release anything that
hurts a public body, in this case
UBC, economically or inancially.
They, dramatically, don’t have to
release anything that hinders the
government from running the econ-
omy, or anything that hurts UBC’s
negotiating position.
When it comes to a third party, such
as Aramark, UBC can’t release any-
thing that reveals trade secrets of
a third party or anything in coni-
dence. They also can’t release any-
thing that would harm Aramark’s
competitive position, result in undue
inancial gain, or result in Aramark
stonewalling UBC for info.
In this case, they’ve blanked out a
lot. 8 full pages and 11 partial pag-
es were apparently too harmful to
UBC and Aramark for the Average
Joe Taxpayer to see. That’s more
than half the contract (and a third
of the nine-page amendment with
UBC), 19 pages in total, that were
censored in whole or in part.
Images courtesy of the UBC Supply Department.
| The Phoenix | 7
that’s no surprise. Aramark borrows
some equipment, but it’s not necessary
for us to know what equipment that is.
The worst part of it all is how hard it
was to ind out some very simple in-
formation. The most mysterious and
ominous piece in the contract is what
lies in those fully censored pages. Re-
alistically, openness would be a bet-
ter policy. Because with those pages,
which could be about anything, people
start to wonder whether or not they
hurt Aramark’s business interests or
their public image.
In the end, it’s important to try and get
access to this sort of material. It ought
to be public knowledge, as it’s always
best to be informed.
Some of these are in places that’d
make sense to not disclose, like in-
vestment of equipment, because
that’d disclose the things that Ara-
mark uses to make food. That could
be trade secrets, for sure, and it’s
not something that’s one of the
key issues of the contract, so that’s
okay.
What’s a little more worrying is
eight fully blacked-out pages of the
contract and the amendment that
live in a fairly nebulous section of
the contract titled “Further Under-
standings and Undertakings Which
Form Part of This Agreement”.
When there’s a blacked-out space
under Purchasing, we’re pretty sure
that it would have covered things
you’ll buy. When there’s a blacked-
out space under Term, you’ll know
that part of the contract covers
when the contract lasts until. But
Further Understandings? That could
be anything. Aramark declined to
comment on what could be there
before our printing deadline.
It’s not the irst time that people
have had problems getting contracts
out of UBC: in the 90s, the Ubyssey
asked for the University’s contract
with Coca-Cola and got a title-page
and a page with signatures, with the
rest blacked out. That resulted in a
massive negative response, with a
huge student outpouring.
 8
Sports & Leisure
DAN PITURA
Men Finish at Nationals
After Provincial Gold
Sports Editor
ubcophoenixsportseditor@gmail.com

Another successful season is in behind with 20 while also earn-

the bag for the UBC-O men’s bas- ing Player of the Game.
ketball team. With a 13-5 season
record and the provincial gold to Though the 8th-place inish is a
boot, the Heat have put another disappointing end that mirrors
successful season is in the bag last year’s results, the Heat still
for the UBC O men’s basketball have much to celebrate from
program. The Heat ended their simply making it to the big
outstanding season effort at Na- stage. Through conquering one
tionals in Prince George three of the most competitive leagues
weeks ago by inishing in 8th in Canada, the Heat have much
place. to look forward to for next year.
With only one player gone to
The regular season for the Heat graduation – co-captain and
was one of the best performanc- guard Aron Balakrishnan – a
es in men’s basketball at UBC-O roster of returnees would have
ever. Improving upon last year’s the experience to achieve even
impressive record of 12-6 by one higher acclimations, granted
win, the Heat inished regular the team does not lose their
season play at 3rd in the BCCAA, top talent to CIS teams waiting
losing out in a tiebreaker with with enticements. Yet with the
Langara College for 2nd and 10 Heat’s own CIS application only
points behind the undefeated one month away from likely ap-
Vancouver Island Mariners. mentum throughout the third quar- them into the second. The men fought proval, UBC-O has offers close
to the mark.
A 5-0 effort in the irst half of 2008/09 Men’s Basketbal Team: (left-right; back row) Asst. Coach Cary Mellon, Asst. Coach Kyle Graves,
Jonathan Christian, Brock Radditz, David MacKay, Renee-Lee Sylvain, Simon Pelland, Jon Zaleski, Steve Mor-
the season had the Heat looking “Let’s do it again,” said Assistant
rison, Ryan Fahandeg, Head Coach Darren Semeniuk. (front) Dean Kmyta, Alex Roth, Aron Balakrishnan,
primed to take sole possession of Taylen Busch, Chris Spencer, Jeff Van Dolah. Coach Cary Mellon when asked
top spot, but the second half the Photo by UBC-O Athletics for the team’s plan for next year
season saw a much tougher ride “There are a lot of players weigh-
for the Heat. Edging out the Cap- ing their options though. A lot of
ilano Blues 98-97 on the road in their that [decision] rides too on what hap-
irst game of January, the Heat would ter as well, leading by as much as 9 on though in true Heat fashion, out- pens in May.”
lose the second of the home-and-home point going into the fourth. However, scoring UNBC in the latter two frames.
series 94-73 the following night. Two things would quickly sour for the men The rabid T-Wolves were just as tena- So with another successful season of
wins against the 6-16 Columbia Bible in the inal frame, as the Cavaliers cious however as they held the Heat Heat basketball locked up, and plenty
College Bearcats would prop the Heat poured on a little je ne sais quoi to at bay, taking the game and the Heat’s of optimism for the future, the Heat
up in the standings before two crucial crush the Heat’s lead and establish a last shot at a top 3 inish 95-76. program celebrates its irst season and
weekends against Langara and VIU. 12 point lead of their own, outscoring irst gold medal. Congratulations,
With the Heat needing to ground UBC-O 26-14 in the quarter. Despite Rookie guard Dean Kmyta was named men.
those two teams to clinch the top spot an earnest effort on offence –including Player of the Game with a team 19
in BCCAA, the Heat would izzle into 3 treys from forward Alex Roth - the points, while Fahandeg
a 4 game skid. The losses handed cru- Heat were unable to convert a single and Roth followed with
cial points over to the opposition and basket as the team from Champlain 13 and 8 respectively.
would unfortunately be irrevocable in denied the Heat their shot at national
the Heat’s quest for a bye into provin- gold 73-66. With a inal shot to win
cials. The bye was eventually proven on the national stage be-
unnecessary however, as the Heat’s Co-captain and forward Jon Zaleski fore them, the Heat took
3-0 result at the tournament clinched was named Player of the Game for on the other 0-2 team in
them the gold in a thrilling 66-60 upset the Heat, contributing 12 points and the Montmorency College 23.(+9$2&+,:&33.)$;<<.''9$
over VIU (look in the previous issue of 8 rebounds in the effort for the Heat. Renegades, a wildcard =+)0>0)?(33@$;3(:A.)$B&&:'9$
the Phoenix for complete provincial Rookie standout Ryan Fahandeg led team out of Laval, Que-
coverage.) all Heat scorers with 19 points, while bec. The Heat once again C3.>(,&:'9$;33$D0E.'$
Roth inished with 14 points and 6 re- built an early lead in the
For much of the season the Heat had bounds. Champlain would go on to irst-quarter, only to suc-
earned a position in the national rank- the silver medal after losing to the Mt. cumb to the pressure by L-.$.R(A'$S033$'&&+$T.$
ings, though never within the top 5. Royal Cougars of Calgary in the inal giving up 32 points in the )&+.U$K&S$@&?$+..)$,&$
Their performance at the provincial round. second frame for a 50-45
score at the half in the
',&:.$@&?:$V&''.''0&+'$
tournament against VIU however gar-
W&:$,-.$'?AA.:U$
nered a 5th-place ranking going into With the top two spots now precluded Renegades’ favour. The
the national tournament. While such from them, the Heat set their focus Heat would continue to
a seeding immediately put the Heat upon gilding their effort in bronze as trail the remainder of the
on the uphill in their quest for gold, they took on the hosting UNBC Tim- match until the eventual
men’s basketball at UBC-O was as berwolves in the consolation semi- score of 88-84, their clos-
poised as ever for the shot. inals. With a 2-0 records against the est effort of the tourna- !"#$%&"'!(%)*+,'
‘Wolves in the regular season (includ- ment yet at the least con- F;G$HI%$8$JIKLMD9$
The Heat’s irst opposition were the ing a 91-74 trouncing one month ear- siderable match. ;KB$LMC$"LM$JIKLM$=D$H%CCN$$$I:$$
No.4 Champlain Cavaliers out of lier), the Heat looked favoured in the $$$OF$LI$P"4$IHH$GIO%$Q',$JIKLM$
St. Lambert, Quebec. The Cavaliers, competition. However, the Heat came The rookie tandem out
champions of the Quebec collegiate out lat footed and ill-fated in the of KSS in Kmyta and Fa-
league, were quickly introduced to the round, trailing by a score of 57-31 at handheg though once !"#"$%&''$%&()$*&+$,-.$/.','0).1$
sharp play of the B.C. Champions as the half. Largely in part to clutching again led the Heat charge, $

the Heat emerged to a 29-28 lead at the only 16 of 46 rebounds while offering with Kmyta scoring a
half. The Heat continued to build mo- up a total of 13 turnovers, the Heat’s game high 23 points with
2(33$!"45#6754478 $
disastrous irst-half play would haunt Fahandeg following close

Big White and Silver Star Spring Skiing
DAN PITURA
Sports Editor
ubcophoenixsportseditor@gmail.com
While Samantha Brett has offered a
much cheaper, closer, and quieter alter-
native to studying and exams this issue,
it should be known that both of the ar-
ea’s ski mountains are still open for an-
other week or two. With late snow still
arriving as of last week, chances are
good that there is still some time left
before the rocks start poking their ugly
heads. Spring riding is a special kind of
riding, with the temperature hovering
just above freezing, warm sun on your
face, and the snow a soft putty ready
to be carved by the now dulling edges
of your board. Besides the shreddage,
there is a plethora of other late-season
speciic activities taking place at both
mountains, ranging from art shows,
park jams, and the huckage of faux-
people off of a ridiculous booter.
Silver Star in Vernon is scheduled to
run until April, 12th, which is all of
four days away. Typically the late sea-
son snow at the Star has turned into
a slushy brown mixture by this time,
but with the unusually cold weather
coupled with a few late season dumps,
conditions are much better than typi-
cal. A particularly bright day on the
Bird-Watching at Robert Lake
SAMANTHA BRETT
PHOENIX CONTRIBUTER
It is that shoulder season again folks. I
bet you’re lost in endless essays, group
projects that no one attends meet-
ings for, and you ask yourself, “Why
dear Lord, have you made the clocks
go backwards once I lipped my cal-
endar to April? Why have you made
my last inal exam on the last possible
date when you know I have a suring
trip planned to Southern California?
Why must you be
cruel and make it
snow after you have
melted most of win-
ter away? Why did
you hide 2 mega-
essays from me all
semester? Don’t you
know I want to go
mountain biking this
weekend?” You let
out a deep sigh and Eurasian Wigeon
Photo by pictoscribe (Flickr)
wilt your bottom lip
- you’re too broke to
keep snowboarding, and you’re living
off an old bag of roasted almonds that
you attempted to salt yourself back in
November. You need a break!
There is an activity that is enjoyable,
educational, active and cheap right at
your back door! You’re not ready for
mountain biking, currently still getting
into shape from the sluggish cold win-
ter, but you want to get outside in be-
tween writing papers and studying for
exams. Your oasis awaits young grass-
hopper- bird-watching at Robert Lake.
Located right behind the UBC-O cam-
SPORTS & LEISURE
Silver Star calendar is April, 11th, also
known as Retro Day. An ‘80’s dance
party on skis, Retro Day is an excel-
lent excuse to ditch the books for a day
wearing the most ridiculous outit cur-
rently in your closet for a day of snow
and (hopefully) sun. A group photo of
all radically dressed riders takes place
at the top of the Comet (6-pack) chair
at 1:15pm, followed by a “Hero Run”
of the same participants down the
Milky Way. Be prepared for plenty of
hooting and hollering and a streaker or
two as well.
The Star’s Dummy Gelunde takes place
the following (and last) day of skiing.
A fond farewell to the ski season, dum-
mies in a variety of ski-based vehicles
and ensembles are sacriiced to the
snow gods for thire appeasement, re-
sulting in favourable climates for next
season when snow falls from the halls
of Valhalla... what? No really, this free
event is just a good time to send off the
season. Awards for best dummy, big-
gest air, etc. are awarded and the event
provides legitimate entertainment for
all. First dummy guinea pigs the jump
at 3:00pm at the far end of the Village.
Big White is still keeping its name alive
with some late season fresh still piling
on. While it isn’t any of the “cham-
pus, Robert Lake is a natural saline
lake, protected by the Okanagan Nat-
uralists Club, and looked after by the
local residences who maintain the pri-
vate road. Bird watching is a soothing
and fascinating hobby, and it doesn’t
take much time to put in a quality ef-
fort while observing and identify dif-
ferent species. The lake has the most
water in the spring; it quickly dries up
by summer time and develops a ring of
salt around its circumference. Robert
Lake is home to over
Northern Pintail
100 migrating species during spring,
and currently the majority of species
you will observe are ducks and other
water fowl. This is the best time to
visit Robert Lake if you are interested
in bird watching because it is different
every day. New birds ly in over night
to rest and feed, and quickly they leave
in the morning. Some rarities may lin-
ger which provides a vibrant attraction
for the local bird watching community
of Kelowna.
Common species to look for during
this time consist of: Green-winged Teal,
Northern Shoveler, Canvasback Duck,
April 2009 | The Phoenix | 9
pagne” variety, the fact that snow is beers and laughing at dummies (the
still coming down at all has allowed one’s on skis too) the 19th also includes
the mountain to remain open to April, the Ski2Sea Race, a relay/heptathlon in
19th. Notable happenings include the which teams and soloists ski (X and Al-
4th Annual Film and Photo contest on pine), Bike (Mountain and Road), Run,
April, 10th, and some serious Easter Swim, and Row their way over 95 km
business happening April, 12th. Lots to victory. Studying just looked a little
of chocolate I’m told (though I’m still more appealing.
waiting for the Easter Bunny to dole
out some free passes). The King and So there you have it, plenty of good
Queen of Easter event also goes down times to be had on the local mountains.
on the same afternoon, and what that Ticket prices are likely to remain at
means I can’t tell you - Sounds very $59 for students with I.D. ($71 with-
familial though. For those looking for out) at both mountains, but sometimes
some late season park action, the an- the ability to rip down the soft snow
nual Shop Challenge throws down on groomed to perfection in nothing but
April, 18th, pitting various local shops a baggy T is worth even that. See you
against one another to determine “who on the hill.
is most core.” An in-
evitable good time
is to be had there,
and is followed by
an open competi-
tion for all ages to
compete for various
prizes. The follow-
ing day is Biggie’s
own Dummy Ge-
lunde, and is basi-
cally the same event
as the one at the Star.
For those looking
for a more athletic
Conditions at Big White last week.
time than drinking Photo Courtesy of Micheal J. Ballingall
American Wigeon, Mallard, Gadwall, Ponderosa pine stands. Other migrant
Common Golden-eye (occasionally birds that are yet to return include
the less frequent Barrows Golden-eye), Western Tanager, Bullock’s Oriole,
Northern Pintail, and other rarities Marsh Wren, Catbird, Savannah Spar-
such as the Eurasian Widgeon couple row, and Vesper Sparrow to name a
that was there last week. As far as shore few.
birds go, you could expect to see more
and more unique birds arriving each Robert Lake is a fascinating geographi-
week, as the weather gets warmer, and cal feature resting silently right behind
the bugs come out. Attractions for lo- campus, and is teaming with wildlife
cal birders include American Avocet this spring. Grab some binoculars, bird
and Black-necked Stilt. The Avocet do book and a friend, and head out for a
walk to Rob-
ert Lake be-
fore you start
that next para-
graph of your
essay. Please
be aware and
I will make it
known, that
Robert Lake
road is a PRI-
VATE road
open to only
Red-winged Blackbird pedestrians
Photo by Len Blumin (Flickr)
Photo by Michael @ Privacy of the Mind (Flickr) walking or cy-
cling. No cars
nest in the area, as well they nest at the please! If you do decide to walk out to
landill located further down the val- the lake for some fresh air, please STAY
ley. Killdeer are frequent inhabitants on the ROAD. Do not venture out to
now and will stay for the summer to the shores of the lake, for Robert Lake
nest, along with Red-winged Black- is a protected and active nesting sanc-
birds that you will notice singing on tuary for many of these shorebirds and
the bulrushes and hydro lines around other species; the local community is
the lake. Flocks of Western Bluebirds very protective of the lake as well and
lutter through the grassy ields and will scold you if you are seen near the
sing from fence posts, as well as Say’s water. The ecosystem surrounding the
Phoebe. These are all considered early lake is fragile, and to avoid disruption
spring migrants. Red-tailed hawks and please do not trespass. Please, EYES
other accipiter’s can be seen hunting ONLY!
and swooping in the ields for mice
and voles, and Great Horned Owls can Enjoy the spring weather and mating
be heard around dusk calling from the birds!
Arts12
Culture
&

live march 31, grateful fed

Azeda Booth/Kingdom Cloud

AIDAN WHITELEY
Arts Editor
ubcophoenixartseditor@gmail.com

On Tuesday, March 31, the Grateful Fed hosted two

very different bands - both under the radar and very
talented. Azeda Booth from Calgary and Kelowna’s
own Kingdom Cloud. The show was put on by Goats
from Above productions as part of Grateful Fed Tues-
days.

Local, self described “pop ambassadors” and OKM

students, Kingdom Cloud opened with their straight-
forward guitar-and-keys based power-pop. These
kids (ranging from 17 to 18 years old) never cease to
impress me. Their tight and intricated understand-
ing of pop music, combined with their playful de-
meanor, always leads to a great show. The audience
can expect to have as much fun as they do playing
for us.

Drummer Laura Jeffery always has a huge grin on

her face while wailing away on the skins. Their exhu-
berance is the perfect antidote to the usual brooding,
emo, or overwraught pompousness that is typical of
young Kelowna bands.

As much as Kingdom Cloud is rooted in todays elec-

tronic pop styles, they are also as nostalgic as any
crusty sailor. Having graced this earth since only the
early 90s, one would question what they’ve got to be
nostalgic about. Still, Neil Young was old enough to
be nostalgic in his early 20s, so why can’t these kids
yearn for 1999 in 2009? We all (not so secretly) want
to forget writing papers and curl up and play Mario
Kart 64. Kingdom Cloud spells it out for us on “Rain-
bow Road.”

Azeda Booth descended upon Bottom Left: Evan Jeffery

Kelowna after playing Van-
couver and South-by-South
West in Austin last week to
bring their unique electronic
twiddling, guitar iddling set
to Kelowna on March 31st at
the Grateful Fed.
pumps out some pop during
Kingdom Cloud’s opening set.
Bottom Right: Marc Rimmer
pulls double duty on guitar
and keyboards during Azeda
Booth’s glitch heavy set.

Top: Jordon Hossack takes a Next Page: Jaeden Leimert

breather between wailing on of Kingdom Cloud plucks out
his delay-laden microphone. some pep and enjoys it.

Right: Morgan Greenwood All Photos by Aidan Whiteley

checks his sound prior to Aze-
da Booth’s show at the Grate-
ful Fed.

That being said, I have seen them
play many times over the past few
years, and there is deinite growth
in their playing. Their develop-
ment has ranged from basic pop
ditties inluenced by everything
from early British Invasion to the
Garage Rock Revival, to darker,
more synth driven electro-pop
numbers.
Speaking with Evan, Jaeden, and
Laura after the show, they de-
scribed their still forthcoming
debut record as “electric, adven-
tureous, neon lights, and tropi-
cal.” We can only assume that
means it will be digi-funk/detroit
techno meets Israel “Iz” Ka’ano’i
Kamakawiwo’ole.
Calgary’s Azeda Booth topped off
the night and changed pace a bit.
From the energetic, playful pop of
Kingdom Cloud to a more subtle,
atmospheric electronic kind of
pop. The three piece of Jordon
Hossack, Morgan Greenwood,
and Marc Rimmer share, as well
as duplicate band duties, often
within the same song. All three
contribute synths/keyboards, gui-
tar and vocals to some extent.
The delay heavy lead vocals of
Jordan Hossack shares similarities
with baroque pop singer Antony
Hegerty of Antony and the John-
ARTS & CULTURE
sons in his falsetto. While pro-
cessed, his vocals have more in
common with space rock and acid
rock like early Flaming Lips. Hos-
sack often uses his voice more as
an instrument to compliment the
music rather than a driving force.
This is not a band that will ever
lead a stadium-sized audience
sing along. Azeda Booth is dei-
nitely more at home in smaller,
more intimate quarters.
Azeda Booth’s unique blend of In-
telligent Dance Music (IDM), pop,
and psychedelia makes for an in-
teresting ride. Sometimes too try-
ing, but mostly enjoyable, Azeda
Booth leads you on a musical jour-
ney through their alternate reality
club experience. A club experience
where the guys have cardigans in-
stead of polo shirts, and the girls
have leggings, not mini-skirts. In
this club, everything is perme-
nently set on slow, or whatever
beat you’re feeling, because every-
one is right there with you. Those
hollow electronic beats and alien
vocals you’re hearing are leading
you deeper into your own winter
time experience.
Is that Thom Yorke over there on
his lap top? Hmm, Boards of Can-
ada is on the other end side. But
wait! Those are real guitars they’re
holding, and they’re dissonant.
April 2009 | The Phoenix | 13
Thanks, Azeda Booth, for making
this entirely ictional club experi-
ence happen for me.
Between the booming bass and
wailing vocals is this middle
ground occupied by toy pia-
nos and whistles. This is Azeda
Booth’s playground section. Part
glitch, part orchestral - Azeda
Booth thrives on the in-between.
With the bass intact, Azeda Booth
has the freedom to pursue what-
ever sample driven aspect they
feel like.
Azeda Booth is continuing their
tour and quest for world domi-
nation for the next month or so.
They’ve got a just released free-EP
called Tubtek available for down-
load from their website [http://
www.azedabooth.com/] as well
as their full length debut, In Flesh
Tones, available from Absolutely
Kosher Records.
For more information on Kingdom
Cloud, check out their myspace at
http://www.myspace.com/king-
domcloudisloud.
Goats From Above Productions
is continuting live music events
at the Grateful Fed on Tuesdays
and the Blue Gator on Mondays
throughout the spring and sum-
mer.

War Child Heroes Comp.

ALEXIS RATZ ing agency, identifying, de-
Editor-In-Chief veloping and stafing aid
ubcophoenixeditorinchief@gmail.com projects and organizations,
a grant-making trust, pro-
viding funding and logis-
tical support for NGO’s, and as
a lobbyist group, forming links
between the media and entertain-
ment industries to create aware-
ness and garner support.
War Child Canada, with a total of
84 employees, has current projects
in 8 different countries. War Child
Holland, with a total of 590 em-
ployees, has projects in 13 coun-
tries. These projects aim to allevi-
ate some of the suffering of kids
You may have noticed an album
cover loating around featuring by bringing material aid into war
colourful machine guns drawn zones, providing support to kids
living in refugee camps, initiating
in crayon, seemingly by a child’s
hand. If you did, you probably rehabilitation programs for chil-
thought “Wow, that’s wrong.” dren who have been able to return
home, and helping to heal the psy-
Well, that’s exactly the point be- chological damage of war.
hind the newest fundraising effort
Much of War Child’s work in-
by War Child International. War
Child is made up of two ofices, volves creative, especially musi-
War Child Canada and War Child cal, activities as well as sports
Holland. Together, they link other which teach children to get along,
independent organizations world- provide an opportunity to express
wide to aid children who have their emotions and, perhaps most
importantly, help children affect-
been affected by war.
ed by war remember how to play
According to War Child, the 20th again.
century resulted in more than 60
million casualties of war. 80% of Heroes is not the irst fundrais-
these were civilian casualties, and ing album to be released by War
1.5 million were children. So what Child. Peace Songs came out in
does War Child aim to do? 2003, and Help: A Day in the Life
came out in 2006, the same year
War Child works as an implement- War Child Canada launched its
wesbsite “Get Loud/ Plus Fort,” a
bilingual site celebrating the con-
tributions of Canadian musicians L A K E C O U N T R Y, B C
and youth activists. w w w. C r e e k s i d e T h e a t r e . c o m
info 250.766.5669 reservations 250.766.9309
Heroes is a unique concept. 15
socially-conscious industry icons The Show of Stars
such as Stevie Wonder, the Ra- Friday, April 17 at 7 pm
mones and Iggy Pop each chose Presented by The Lake
a song from their catalogues and Country Dance PAC
then nominated a current artist & Lake Country
School of Dance.
to cover it. Imagine Duffy’s sur- Join our award
prise when she heard that Sir Paul winning dancers
McCartney wanted her to cover as they perform
this year’s solos &
“Live and Let Die.” The result duets PLUS get a sneak peak at a few favorite group
is an eclectic, heartfelt and thor- numbers. For more info contact 250-766-4502 or visit
oughly interesting listening expe- www.lakecountryschoolofdance.com. Tickets: $8.00 at
the Door. All proceeds go to the Lake Country Dance PAC.
rience, featuring such gems as The
Yeah Yeah Yeah’s covering The
Ramones, Lilly Allen’s cute little
Mishra’s Kirtan
voice backed up by Mick Jones Saturday, April 18 at 7:30 pm
on The Clash’s “Straight to Hell”, Presented by The
Mishra School of In-
and TV on the Radio doing the ti- dian Classical Mu-
tle track, David Bowie’s “Heroes.” sic Society. Deobrat
My personal favourites are The Mishra (volcal and
sitar master) and
Hold Steady doing a spirited, sax- Pandit Kumar Lal
aphone-heavy rendition of Bruce Mishra (tablamas-
Springsteen’s “Atlantic City” and ter), share the ma-
gic and ecstasy of
a gorgeous version of U2’s “Run- one of India’s oldest improvisatory and devotional musi-
ning to Stand Still” performed by cal traditions. Tickets: $22 General, $18 Seniors
Elbow, which pays appropriate
homage to the original track. The Arrogant Worms
If there’s one album you should
Thursday, April 23 at 7:30 pm
THE ARROGANT
buy this year instead of inter- WORMS shows are
net-stealing, it’s this one. There’s fast, furious and
something for everyone on it, it’s family friendly. The
wit is quick, the
an incredibly creative and interest- satire is biting and
ing project, and your dollars make the musicianship is
a real difference in the lives of kids second to none.
Their appeal has
in war-torn nations. For more in- earned them fans
formation, visit www.warchild. from kids to parent to grantparents to Princess Leia.
org. Tickets: $25 General, $22 Seniors/Students, $80 for Groups of Four.
 14
ARTS & CULTURE
| The Phoenix | April 2009

Vertigo-Grade Nausea
ETHAN P.S. ARLETTE indiscernible specializa-
Phoenix Contributor tion rushes into the bar.
A man walks into a bar and “Be careful, bartender!”
says, “I’ll have a glass of wa- shouts the out-of-breath doc-
ter.” tor, “that man’s just escaped
from an asylum!”
The bartender says, “Why?”
The bartender rests his hand on
The man says, “Because I’m a a shotgun under the counter,
little horse.” and says, “Well, that explains
that whole horse thing.”
The bartender scoffs and says,
“That’s not true at all. Anyone The man cries, “Nay! I’m a
can see you’re a full grown victim of species disassocia-
man.” tion! It’s not a life choice, I
was born this way! Don’t take
“So it would seem, bartender,” me back there, doc!”
the man cooly replies, “so it
would seem.” The doctor, still catching his
breath, straightens up his lab
Not long after the man receives coat and says, “That’s precise-
his glass of water, a doctor of ly why you were in an asylum
to begin with. If you had cho-
sen to adopt the personality of
a tiny horse, you’d just be an-
noying. Truth is, though, you
were born identifying yourself
as a tiny horse and can only
become better through the re-
alization that reality is uncer-
tain and your perceptions are
yours alone.”
“Well,” proclaims the man,
“by my perceptions, I am a
tiny horse! Do our percep-
tions not deine our respective
realities? Who are you to say
that I’m wrong?”
“That simply won’t do,” says
the doctor, “your delusion is
not in any way productive to
the human species outside of
your perception!”
“But, that’s solely your own
perception,” shouts the man,
“and can be found to be just
as delusional as my own!” He
gets up from his barstool in-
tending to charge at the doc-
tor, but slips and falls hard on
the uninished cement loor of
the bar, breaking his hip.
“Yeeouch!” says the man, “I
am of the perception that my
hip is broken!”
The doctor considers the man’s
fall and states, “Yes, I am of the
professional opinion that your
perception is correct!”
At this, the bartender swiftly
takes the shotgun from under
the counter and shoots the
man dead.
A mortiied breath passes
from the doctor’s lips as blood
pools beneath the man, smoke
still coiling from the barrel of
the gun.
“Why on earth did you do
that?!” the doctor wails in
shock.
“Well,” says the bartender,
returning his shotgun to the
shelf under the counter, “it
may sound foolish, but I be-
came unsure of the validity of
my perception, and in a panic I
ended up relying on that man
as the constant to my variable
view. Horses, no matter how
tiny, cannot heal broken bones
easily and as such must be put
down.”
“Jesus,” gasps the doctor.

Watchmen: Women’s Resource Center

A blue penis in slow motion Utopia Anthology Launch
AIDAN RANNEY needlessly lipping
Copy Editor over obstacles other AIDAN WHITELEY a topic unrelated to The Anthology launch and
ubcophoenixcopyeditor@gmail.com than because someone Arts Editor school work. The plat- the production itself was a
igured it Looks Cool,
ubcophoenixartseditor@gmail.com form for expression resounding success. 95 of
Zach Snyder is not very tal- though. allowed students to 100 copies of Utopia Anthol-
The Womens Resource Centre share their difffering ogy were sold, and the launch
ented at what he does (osten-
Utopia Anthology launch par-
sibly, ilm making). However, About the soundtrack - there views on the subject with a made enough revenue from
ty at The Well on March 27th wider audience. The turnout ticket and book sales to fund
he does seem to have a good are a few well-placed songs
went off without a hitch. Edi- and amount of contributions the production of next year’s
knack for crafting solid enter- [Bob Dylan’s “The Times Are
tors Angelique Nicole Veer-
tainment. His irst two mov- A Changin’” is used brilliant- is all the more amazing due anthology. The Womens Re-
man, and Louisa Varco were to the timing amongst exams, source Centre would like to
ies, Dawn of the Dead and 300 ly... in the opening credits],
on hand to release the anthol- and shows a comitment to arts thank everyone that helped
didn’t bore me to sleep and but it’s mostly terrible. Yes, the
ogy at a great social event. The and equality in the UBC-O stu- helped produce the anthology,
had at least one thing going movie takes place in the mid
event combined readings by dent body. Contributors came performed, and read at the
for them each (Sarah Pol- 80’s, but that is no good reason
authors and live musical per- from diverse backgrounds event. Musical performers in-
ley for the former and lots of to blast “99 Luft Balloons” for
formances afterwards. and faculties and all presented cluded Hailey Troock, Jennifer
pretty colours and stuff for the ive seconds when two char-
latter). acters make eye contact in a their own unique views on the Jade Kerr, Jordan Clapper with
Utopia offered an opportunity concept of a utopia. Matt Oddleifson, and The Ma-
diner. Inserting Leonard Co- for students to write about
That said, Watchmen is both hen’s “Hallelujah” into a sex larky’s.
the best movie Snyder has scene may seem like a good
made yet, and the best adap- idea [a great idea, even!], but
tation of an Alan Moore book the point is entirely lost when
made yet (although that still you make it the longest, bare-
isn’t saying much). There’s ly still R-rated sex scene ever.
some really great stuff about When our two un-costumed
it, such as Jackie Earle Hay- heroes reach orgasm and their
ley’s performance as Ror- loating bubble-shaped air-
schach, which, Christian Bale- ship ejaculates ire into the at-
as-Batman voice aside, is both mosphere, you get something
true to the original character that’s awkward, hilarious and
and intensely compelling. The sad all at the same time.
worst parts, as far as I can tell,
stem from the soundtrack and The movie doesn’t really work
what seems to be Snyder’s in- altogether for things like this
ability to understand that the happening, even though the
original novel worked mainly lick is ‘good enough’ by al-
as a critique and a musing on most all standards. Feel con-
the superhero genre. It’s all tent to watch Watchmen for
over the place. the (mostly intact) powerful
genre-melding storyline, Dr.
A great job was done with Manhattan’s big blue dong
the action scenes. Snyder re- lapping around in the breeze
strained himself on Matrix-fu and the slo-mo shots that com-
style action enough to have prise at least 60% of the mov-
ight scenes that communi- ie.
cate huge impact, exaggerated
speed and physical precison Seriously, I think this might be
while managing to make the the irst movie to use slow mo-
characters still seem very tion in a scene that’s already Above: Nathan Weber reads his submission to Utopia at
vunerable. I have no idea going in slow motion. the Well during the book launch
why we need to see characters Right: Hailey Troock plays some tunes after the readings
leaping long distances and Photos by Aidan Whiteley
 Opinions 15

Comment on Pen Names Stupid Onions!

DAIRTY SALPO ALI
Phoenix Contributor
Pen names must be one of the
greatest tools ever devised for
an author. Whether you’re a
bit too shy to put your name
out there, or you just want to
play with an alternate iden-
tity, there’s a certain allure to
adopting one. There’s a seem-
ingly limitless number of rea-
sons to use one, really. Often,
however, these reasons stem
from the marketing of a work.
Women used to use male
names to publish under [some
still do, I’m sure], as publish-
ers believed that ‘no one’ [i.e.
- men] would want to buy a
book written by a woman.
Stephen King, one of th most
popular writers of our time,
wrote novels under the name
Richard Bachman when he
worried that his fame was
getting in the way of his writ-
ing being judged on its own
merits. Writers of all types,
from short story and maga-
zine writers to novelists have
been known to use pen names
to publish more works than a
single publisher would allow
for a single person [logic being
that readers will tire of a writer
who publishes, say, more than
two novels a year, or say, more
than three articles an issue of
a magazine]. There are other
reasons for publishers and/or
editors to limit output, but in
cases where a writer is trying
to maximize that output, a pen
name is usually acceptable.
Mark Twain, Lewis Carrol, Dr.
Seuss - all are pen names, and
all are deinitely cooler sound-
ing than their respective au-
thors’ real names. If you’ve got
something to say but would
rather distance yourself from
the public, or even think a
piece works better distanced
from your public image, for
instance, give it a go. It can be
silly, or not silly, or... an ana-
gram, or whatever.
AIDAN WHITELEY this stench sucks! It is
Arts Editor
ubcophoenixartseditor@gmail.com
What the fuck is with the on-
ions, honestly? On a regular
frequency the Phoenix ofice
is inundated by a putrid onion
smell from the café downstairs.
I know this sounds bitchy, but
come on! Here we are trying to
produce a high quality paper
for all you folks to read and
we’re soaked in onion stench.
Personally I like eating onions,
and generally don’t mind the
smell when they’re cooking,
but for some reason the stench
is ampliied or their onions are
of some alien breed, because
the ‘my eyes are almost
watering’ stench. It is
the ‘god my throat hurts’
stench. The exhasperated ‘why
me!?’ stench.
My biggest complaint would
have to be locality of it. If you
go outside the phoenix ofice
and it smell ine, but inside its
violating!
My request for aramark: please
tone down the onions. Or at
the very least, give us warn-
ing. On second thought, our
ofice won’t be in this building
next year, so I’ll just shut up
and quit my bitching.

Ballcuzzi: The nutlover’s most exciting pastime

Vanessa Montemurro
Phoenix contributor

Let’s talk testis. I have always been curious as to
why the nuts are so frequently neglected. Are people
simply preoccupied with shaft-stroking action, or
do they just not know what to do with those balls?
Here’s a way for you to give those hardworking go-
nads some vacation time.
First off: have you ever heard of a Ballcuzzi?
If you answered YES, then you rule. Seriously. Ex-
ploring your balls, or your partners balls, means
you’ve got game and you’re about to develop an at-
titude that will garner some gratitude. So what is it?
According to urban dictionary:
ballcuzzi (ball-coo-zie)
When a male or something with nuts submerges
their testicles into a cup of warm water while their
partner blows profusely through a straw that has
been inserted into the cup creating a jacuzzi affect.
For added pleasure the penis is usually wildly jerked
with the blowers free hand until ejaculation.
i.e. “Wow! I never thought a ballcuzi could feel so
refreshing until I got a orange- fanta ballcuzi on a hot
humid day.”
Ballcuzzi with your face:
To make your ballcuzzi a bit more personal (and
challenging):
1) take a mouthful of testicles
2) a swig of sprite(or other carbonated beverage) If
you’re feeling fancy, go for champagne
3)gurgle or hum: the star spangled banner
Note: The Star Spangled banner is not for everyone,
use whatever melody you enjoy. These song sugges-
tions offer different vibrational settings, so to speak:
Fast setting: “Wannabe” -Spice GIrls
Medium setting: “Mambo #5” -Lou Bega
Slow setting: “I will always love you” - Whitney
Houston
There are never-ending possibilities when it comes to
ballcuzzi’s, sooOOoo…
Get curious University people! This is your time to
experiment! But keep it clean, if this activity is fore-
play for the big dipper, make sure to rinse all the liq-
uid off your balls and or penis especially if the liquid
contains sugar, as sugar can cause yeast infections in
sensitive places. And remember: ALWAYS use pro-
tection!

i.e.“The gentle bubbles of the ballcuzzi tickled my

sack as I unloaded my penis gravy”

One gentleman replied, when asked what he would

like to have his nuts dunked into:

“ Well, warm milk is a pastime favourite. Green

tea might be nice, but I think something with
mint (menthol) would be nice for a tingling ef-
fect..... your balls would probably be stoked too,
cause it’d be like they just brushed their teeth.” -
Justin Slaughter (California)

Another variation that’s worth trying is the orange-

fanta (soda) ballcuzzi ,

“The most lucrative and ballin variation of the ball-

cuzzi, in which a males testicles are fully submerged
in a glass of carbonated orange fanta while sexual
partner(s) blows bubbles into the glass with a straw.
Created in Thailand. (among hip-hop practitioners,
is suppose to indicate ones extremely high level of
sexual libido).” - urban dictionary Fast setting, with watercolour.
 16 | The Phoenix | April 2009
“She asked for It”
ubcophoenixbusinessmanager@gmail.com
Most people, myself included, do not
like to discuss the explosive topic of
rape. However, due to the shocking
opinions expressed in two of my three
classes on Thursday morning, I feel
compelled to comment on this sub-
ject. As the classes were Philosophy
and Psychology, I was not expecting
rape to be on the discussion panel, and
was therefore not mentally prepared to
deal with either the subject matter, or
the upsetting opinions that were raised
during these classes.
In Philosophy class one student asked if
it the circumstance in discussion could
be considered rape if “she [the victim]
asked for it.” Although my professor
artfully dodged further discussion on
this comment, I was stunned, upset,
and ultimately undecided as to wheth-
er or not I should publicly address my
shock and disappointment at this com-
ment. As I was attempting to make up
my mind about how to deal with my
distress, the class moved along at such
a pace that I felt unable to go back and
address this student’s comment.
I packed up and headed off to my Psy-
chology class. Still reeling from my
intensely upsetting experience in Phi-
losophy, the professor told us she was
going to read us a story, and after we
were to decide with which character
in the story the fault lay. The options
were: the victim (a woman of course);
or her assailant (obviously male). This
time the class debate raged on, while
the majority of students voiced their
belief that the woman was at least half,
if not entirely responsible for being as-
saulted; depending on how sexually
active she was, and the location of the
assault. Although the professor was at-
tempting to portray the “just world fal-
lacy,” in which people attempt to make
the world seem just by blaming the
victim, I was horriied to extent that
this justiication of brutality has con-
tinued to be internalized by both men
and women today.
Throughout the discussion I tried to
calm myself by the thought that at least
when people are honest about their be-
liefs the real issues can be addressed; I
am aware that it is very important to
create a space for open and honest con-
versation. But as the Prof. continued
to reassure students that there was no
right or wrong answer, I was increas-
ingly upset by the opinions that were
being raised. Ultimately, my nausea
and tears forced me to walk out of the
class, completely dismayed at the con-
tinuance of this form of sexism and jus-
tiications of abuse.
It is surprising that people persist in
pushing the belief that victims “ask for
Want to write for the Phoenix next year? Send your goods to UBCOPhoenixEditorInChief@gmail.com
OPINIONS
Feedback
HEATHER STACK
Business Manager COLIN MATHER
Understandably Angry Reader
it.” What exactly does “asking for it”
mean? What is it that these victims are To the staff of the Phoenix,
allegedly asking for? I am hard pressed
to think of a time when anyone would As a member of the group that organized the Anti-Racism display at Okanagan
ask to be forcefully ripped open by an- College and a student of UBC Okanagan, I was very disturbed by your article
other’s penis or foreign object. Rape is entitled “Racist Anti-Racism Demonstrations at OC” published in your March
NOT a crime of passion, it is a crime 25, 2009 issue. While the article’s assertion that racism is a non-existent factor in
of hate. When does anyone ask to be today’s socie¬ty is highly debatable to say the least, I will not challenge it here
hated and assaulted? The fact that we as I believe that any informed individual should be able to examine this claim
continue to blame victims of sexual as- for themself. Sufice to say, such arguments should at the very least have been
sault by blaming their location or dress published under an opinions article and not presented as factual as they were
is a deeply disturbing thought, and under the Arts and Culture section.
leads me to wonder how many of these
pro-rape spokes-people actually know My main problem with the article, however, was not the rather biased and sim-
what being raped is like. plistic approach that the contributor took towards the issue of racism, but rather
the many false claims that he made about the anti-racism display and those who
were involved in it. First of all, the article states “certain rebuttals which did not
When discussing fault one must also it the purveyors (sic) party line were hastily crossed out.” This is completely in-
discuss responsibility. If something is accurate as no members of the group who created the chalk display altered it in
my fault, then that means it was my re- any way after the initial night. I can only assume that the contributor is referring
sponsibility to have caused or stopped to the fact that there was a response that was removed by the school authori-
something from happening. Is it my re- ties without our knowledge due to the fact that it contained profanity and was
sponsibility to make sure that I am not deemed inappropriate. In any case this would not have been dificult to discover
held up when I do my banking - what had the contributor actually done any investigation.
if it is in a ‘bad’ area of town? Is it my
responsibility to not get run over by I also took great exception to the personal claims that the contributor makes
a car on the sidewalk - what if I have against me and the group as they make clear that he made no effort to ind out
my Ipod in and didn’t hear it coming? who exactly had been involved in the display. The article states that we labeled
When is it ever a victim’s responsibil- ourselves “agents of social change” however no member of our group ever said
ity to ensure that a crime is not com- or wrote anything of the sort. Furthermore, the article claims that we “have only
mitted to or against them? lived in one of the whitest municipalities in Canada.” This I ind the most ab-
surd, as I know that none of us involved are actually from Kelowna. I person-
It makes me wonder, is it because these ally have lived in Calgary, another member of our group has lived in Vancou-
people so removed from being able to ver, and another in Atlanta, Georgia, a city whose racial issues are impossible to
apply the concept of being raped to deny. Also, two f other four members of our group are actually visible minorities,
themselves, that it remains easy for which should certainly give them more authority to speak on the issue of racism
them to sentence others to abuse? In in Kelowna than the view of the contributor.
rape debates inevitably the classical
stereotypical woman seems to show Not only does the condescending attitude of the contributor in writing the ar-
up; she is promiscuous, intoxicated, ticle make me wonder what entitles him to make these claims, but he also takes
dressed in revealing clothing and in an statements written at Okanagan College out of context and dismisses them as
alley. Does she deserve it? Have any of “bizarre” while at the same time accusing us of no “giving the issues(s) much
the traits of this woman ever applied to higher thought or reasoning.” The false information the article presents as fact
you? Or are you a fully clothed virgin, makes me sincerely ashamed to be represented as a student by a newspaper with
who refuses every form of intoxicating such poor journalistic integrity.
substance, and never leaves the house
without a male escort.
Let’s do some role reversals, what
about when men are raped? Does a
straight white male “ask for it” or de-
serve it when he is anally raped? What
if he was walking home alone? What
if he was promiscuous, drunk, and in
a parking lot? Would you think differ-
ently if he was gay? If a straight male
doesn’t deserve to be raped for walk-
ing home alone at night then why does
a woman, or any other minority group?
Is it their fault that they are the most
common victims of assault? Does do-
ing any action that could possibly put
you in danger from a predator negate
your status as prey?
Friends, there is never an appropriate
time to be raped.
As I hear the students in my class de-
fend rapists and condemn victims I am
overwhelmed by a deep sadness.
 OCSU
Okanagan College Students’ Union April 2009 | The Phoenix | 17
 18 | The Phoenix | April 2009
Three Cheers To An Amazing Year !!!
Bobby Chavarie
Financial Coordinator, 2009-2010
Carolyn Cody
Internal Coordinator, 2009-2010
Ben Glassco
External Coordinator, 2009-2010
Grayson Lepp
Services Coordinator, 2009-2010
The 2008 – 2009 academic year has
been a resounding success for your
University of British Columbia
Students’ Union Okanagan! We have
been able to expand our services,
engage the student body through
elections and our AGM, and enhance
student life on campus.
UBCSUO
UBC Students’ Union Okanagan
The UBCSUO Council and Executive for 2009-2010. Not pictured: Richard Dubecki. Photo courtesy of Carolyn Cody.
Throughout the year The Well Pub has
been more successful than any other
year here at UBC, and as a result, The
Well Pub is poised to be the second
post-secondary pub or bar in Canada
to turn a proit. The inancial success
of The Well can be attributed to the
work of your Services Coordinator,
Ben Glassco, and all of your councilors,
for throwing fantastic parties. We
hosted many sold out events this year
including our Halloween Party, Shad
K & Hey Ocean!, Sweatshop Union,
BFP, St. Patrick’s Day, Utopia Party
hosted by the Women’s Resource
Centre, Wild West party, Toga party,
and not to mention the ever popular
Well Wednesdays.
Another popular theme for this year
was elections overload! In the fall
there were federal and municipal
elections and your UBCSUO was able
to host candidate meet and greets for
students to be informed about election
issues and candidates. Elections BC
and Elections Canada were both on
campus helping students register to
vote, and we hope come May 12th
students will be engaged and ready to
vote in their BC provincial elections.
In March of this year, your Internal
Coordinator Carolyn Cody was invited
to come to Ottawa as the only student
representative for the province of BC
to meet with over 200 Members of
Parliament and Senators to discuss
issues in post-secondary education. We
were able to discuss issues impacting
aboriginal students and funding
structures, the recently passed federal
budget, graduate student funding,
and a revision of the post-secondary
system federally in Canada.
Most notably, your UBCSUO was
brought to the Supreme Court of British
Columbia regarding an aggressive anti-
choice campaign brought to UBCO by
a club and the Supreme Court found
in favour of the UBCSUO. The decision
passed down was a pivotal point in
the self-determination of a Students
Unions across British Columbia.
Bobby Chavarie, the Financial
Coordinator for the UBCSUO expanded
the tax service this year with the help
of the Management Department. Now
students can have their taxes done
free of charge by qualiied fourth year
management students without even
leaving campus!
Course Unions, such as the
Management Student Association,
have held many events and parties on
and off campus this year, as well as
BBQs and fundraisers. In addition to
events, the MSA has also sent students
to business competitions across
Canada. Course Unions as a whole
have been successful in engaging
all students on campus, and not just
faculty speciic ones. Clubs have also
been very successful in hosting events
on campus that celebrate cultural and
social diversity.
September students can look forward
to a project 10 years and 9 million
dollars in the making – the opening of
our new Students Union Building! It
will feature a 350-person capacity Well
Pub complete with food service and
a patio, a 100 seat movie theatre, new
study space, a new used book store,
resource centre space and a new home
for the Koi Sushi house and Coffee
shop.
This year Alexandra Caldwell,
our current Board of Governors
representative was very successful
for students at UBC Okanagan. She
was able to present to the board
issues surrounding lack of parking on
campus, water iltration issues, tuition
increases, and the stability of UBC’s
endowment funds as a result of the
inancial turmoil. Alexandra was re-
elected to the Board of Governors until
May of 2010.
Many recently elected councilors have
applied themselves early to the roles
they will be taking on in May 2009 with
great success. Advocacy representative
elect Michelle Laviolette is currently
sitting on the search committee for
UBC’s new Associate Vice President
for Enrollment and Spencer Robins,
director-at-large elect has been very
involved with services and events.
We would like to thank all students
here at UBC Okanagan for engaging
themselves in their Students’ Union,
our staff, the administration, our
Safewalk employees, Koi Sushi, The
Well Pub & Coffee shop staff, and
of course to all students for being
forced to endure two Senate & Board
of Governors elections! Good luck in
exams!
Your Students’ Union Executive,
Bobby Chavarie, Carolyn Cody,
Ben Glassco & Grayson Lepp
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