20 Photo Sessions That Should Have Never Happened

20 Photo Sessions That Should Have Never Happened http://www.bannedinhollywood.com/20-photo-sessions-that-should-hav...
20 Photo Sessions That Should Have Never

Happened
May 13, 2009 by Brotha Jonze
Filed under Top Lists
Comments (23)
Hello there! If you are new here, you might want to subscribe to the Banned In X
Hollywood RSS feed for updates.
When life gives you lemons, dress in matching outfits, head on down to the local photographer, get your
family portrait taken, and post your family portrait on the internet so that I can compile another
installment of 20 Photo Sessions That Should Have Never Happened.
Until you do, enjoy these 20 Photo Sessions That Should Have Never Happened.
**Update**
We have just been informed that many of these photos originated at AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com — We’d
like to say thanks for creating our new favorite website.
20. Frodo & Co.
1 of 17 02.06.2009 05:53
The baby is the only one who realizes how completely gay dressing up as Lord of the Rings characters for
the family Christmas photo is.
A hundred bucks says he grows up to be one of those trench-coat wearing types who kills their family —
and this little guy, at age 17, will follow through with the stereotype… unless big frodobro in the back
beats him to it.
19. Chicks, sit on the floor, we’re the D-Bags
2 of 17 02.06.2009 05:53
Nothing says douchebag like seven douchebags being douchebags… Then they had to go and flex their
muscles.
Is that a young Michael Phelps on the far left?
18. Duct tape Ameritux
Points for being patriotic, but what the fuck is going on here? Are two photographers taking pictures in the
3 of 17 02.06.2009 05:53
studio at the same time and the couple couldn’t decide which camera to look at?
Oh, wait, these two can’t afford studio time… When I said “two photographers” I meant, “his mom” and
“her mom”.
17. She wears the pants, he wears the baby pink bunny ears
I can’t figure out if the person standing middle back is a boy or a girl — possibly the family’s maid?
I see the mom wears black bunny ears and the father and son standing on the left both wear baby-pink
4 of 17 02.06.2009 05:53
ears. The fact that the person standing in the back also wears baby-pink bunny ears leads me to believe
this is in fact a boy — because wearing baby-pink bunny ears makes you a man — at least in this family.
Though, no one is getting laid any time soon so I guess it doesn’t really matter.
16. Fewer words mean more
So I’ll let the photo speak for its subject.
15. Awkward hand pat
I can’t decide what is more awkward, that a) he doesn’t want to passionately embrace the chick because
he’ll have to grab onto her jolly jelly rolls, or b) that she cannot sit comfortaby in his lap because his
stomach is in the way.
Next time, take the picture standing up… And maybe not wear the zip-up-collared-athletic-wear that
clearly hasn’t been getting very much use.
5 of 17 02.06.2009 05:53
14. Wat?
What’s with the shoes above the heads… and the zebra-print 3/4 sleeve jacket… and the astroturf floor…
and all the crap going on in the background… and the… wait a sec, if you take her out of that hot pink
dog house, she’s kinda cute…
13. Just look at the camera, buddy
6 of 17 02.06.2009 05:53
C’mon Mario, you got this buddy, front and center.
OK, good, much better…
Now smile, annnnnnnd say cheeeeee…
*Wonnk* (the sound of his eyes crossing)
Dammit Mario, look at the camera…
*he looks up cross eyed at the camera-man*
7 of 17 02.06.2009 05:53
Ah, fuck it.
*click*
12. A penguin, really?
You can get away with the little grey stuffed animal on the left, people will still think you’re kind of
strange, but no stranger than you already look.
Now, if you get overzealous and throw in the massive stuffed penguin that takes up about as much screen
space as your kids, people start asking questions.
11. Whinnie the really ghetto black guy
When you reach into his jar of honey he shoots you in the face and steals your shoes.
8 of 17 02.06.2009 05:53
10. Shoulda left the kids at home…
No one’s putting this up on their fridge, except maybe me.
9. Soap Oprah focus
9 of 17 02.06.2009 05:53
Nothing says classy like a naked, pregnant, tattooed, bleach tipped, earing wearing, subtle ass-grab in front
of a mystical matte-painting, through a soft focus lens.
8. Just hangin’ with Mom and Dads
10 of 17 02.06.2009 05:53
Hey Mom.
Hi Stevie.
Hey Dad.
Hi Steve.
Phil.
Steve, you know, you can call me Dad too you know…
FML.
7. The Pensive Ginger
11 of 17 02.06.2009 05:53
The little matchstick in the middle got it bad.
6. Twister with no mat?
12 of 17 02.06.2009 05:53
Dad makes the whole family twisterfuck just so he can say he was in four states at the same time, which is
another way of saying, check out these triceps, pussy.
5. Bet you can guess who’s idea this was
…If you guessed the guy wearing the Canadian Tuxedo (all of them?) sucking on some persian chick-
stache, you’re wrong.
If you guessed the kid sitting on the windowsill that has his leg up to hide the fact that he has a hard on,
you are correct.
4. When it comes to Mom, hand placement is key
13 of 17 02.06.2009 05:53
‘Nuff said.
3. “I thought you said you had a son?”
14 of 17 02.06.2009 05:53
“Uh, that is my son, stupid.”
“Oh.”
2. Nothing about this is OK
15 of 17 02.06.2009 05:53
Once the little girl starts playing with dad’s faux junk they might as well be naked, because explicit
pedo-incest, I assume, is much less disturbing than seeing pedo-incest and then realizing it’s only faux
pedo-incest that looks identical to real pedo-incest — mindfuck.
1. Family Tree
16 of 17 02.06.2009 05:53
This is what happens after Ted Haggard does some crystal meth and has sex with someone in your family
tree.
Nothing says happy holidays like the denim-clad Goldsteins vertical-spooning one another and nutting
themselves on the tree branch in the backyard.
And… Liftoff!
17 of 17 02.06.2009 05:53

20 Photo Sessions That Should Have Never Happened

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20 Photo Sessions That Should Have Never Happened http://www.bannedinhollywood.com/20-photo-sessions-that-should-hav...

20 Photo Sessions That Should Have Never

20. Frodo & Co.

19. Chicks, sit on the floor, we’re the D-Bags

Is that a young Michael Phelps on the far left?

18. Duct tape Ameritux

16. Fewer words mean more

So I’ll let the photo speak for its subject.

15. Awkward hand pat

13. Just look at the camera, buddy

C’mon Mario, you got this buddy, front and center.

OK, good, much better…

Now smile, annnnnnnd say cheeeeee…

*Wonnk* (the sound of his eyes crossing)

Dammit Mario, look at the camera…

*he looks up cross eyed at the camera-man*

Ah, fuck it.

12. A penguin, really?

11. Whinnie the really ghetto black guy

10. Shoulda left the kids at home…

No one’s putting this up on their fridge, except maybe me.

9. Soap Oprah focus

8. Just hangin’ with Mom and Dads

7. The Pensive Ginger

The little matchstick in the middle got it bad.

6. Twister with no mat?

5. Bet you can guess who’s idea this was

4. When it comes to Mom, hand placement is key

3. “I thought you said you had a son?”

“Uh, that is my son, stupid.”

2. Nothing about this is OK

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Wonnk (the sound of his eyes crossing)

he looks up cross eyed at the camera-man