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Come festivals like Diwali or Holi, and the parents of the daughter flood
her in-laws with gifts. If gifts are expected - your daughter is married into
the wrong family. If such giving is self-inflicted, you're making a mistake.
Give a token present to your daughter. If you want to give her something
more, do so, but don't feel pressured to give anything more than you
receive to her in-laws. You don't need to if your daughter is happily
married and has a supportive husband - so DON'T.
Instead of giving her dowry so everyone is nice to her at her new home,
give her a great career, so they can't help but respect her. So if they treat
her badly, she can walk out, as she is not dependent on them. So they
need her monthly contribution to the household expenses and dare not
mess with her. Providing your daughter with a solid education, and
encouraging her to pursue a career of her choice is the best dowry any
parent can ever give their daughter.
A dowry (also known as trousseau or tocher or, in Latin, dos) is the money,
goods, or estate that a woman brings to her husband in marriage. It
contrasts with bride price, which is paid to the bride's parents, and dower,
which is property settled on the bride herself by the groom at the time of
marriage. The same culture may simultaneously practice both dowry and
bride price. Dowry is an ancient custom, and its existence may well
predate records of it. Originally an African concept, the purpose of a
dowry was to provide "seed money" or property for the establishment of a
new household, to help a husband feed and protect his family, and to give
the wife and children some support if he were to die. A husband thus had
certain property rights in his wife's dowry. In addition, the wife might bring
to the marriage property of her own, which was not included in the dowry
and which was, as a result, hers alone. This property was "beyond the
dowry" (Greek: paraphernalia, the root of paraphernalia) and was known
as paraphernal property or extra-dotal property.
Even in the oldest available records, such as the Code of Hammurabi, the
dowry is described as an already-existing custom. Regulations
surrounding the custom include: the wife being entitled to her dowry at
her husband's death as part of her dower, her dowry being inheritable
only by her own children, not by her husband's children by other women,
and a woman not being entitled to a (subsequent) inheritance if her father
had provided her dowry in marriage. If a woman died without sons, her
husband had to refund the dowry but could deduct the value of the bride
price; the dowry would normally have been the larger of the sums.
The Dowry Prohibition Act, in force since 1st July 1961, was passed with
the purpose of prohibiting the demanding, giving and taking of dowry. In
1980 the Government set up a committee which recommended
amendments in the Dowry Prohibition Act and also suggested expanding
the definition of dowry and instituting family courts and National
Commission for women. Many parliamentary debates led to some
amendments in 1983,1984 and 1986.To stop the offences of cruelty by
husband or his relatives on the wife, Section 498-A was added in the
Indian Penal Code and Section 198-A in the Criminal Procedure Code in the
year 1983. The Dowry Prohibition Act clearly stipulates that a person who
gives or takes or helps in the giving or taking of dowry can be sentenced
to jail for 5 years and fined Rs.15, 000/- or the amount of the value of
dowry, whichever is more. The Act also prohibits the giving and taking
directly or indirectly any property or valuable security, any amount either
in cash of kind, jewellery, articles, properties, etc. in respect of a marriage.
The control is provided by stating a limit and names of gifters and their
relationship to the married couple to be signed by both sides of parents. In
1986, the Act was amended again, empowering State governments to
appoint Dowry Prohibition Officers, who not only had a preventive role but
also had powers to collect evidence against people who took
dowry. Despite protest by women's organizations, serious activism, legal
amendments, special police cells for women, media support and
heightened awareness of dowry being a crime, the practice continues
unabated on a massive scale. Despite every stigma, dowry continues to be
the signature of marriage. Women need real social, political, financial and
moral support in their fight against the system. They have to be
empowered so that they can take their decisions about their own life by
refusing the dowry system.