As a child, I consumed mercury through home immunizations administered by family

members. We were too poor to go to doctor’s offices except when utterly unavoidable
and warranted.

The mercury was a bright red orange metallic substance. I considered it my soul color. I
still do. I believed it contained a metaphor for what I was, a being of as yet unknown or
undesired fixations.

To avoid fixation is no simple task. The attention deficit is, I believe a response to the
offsetting of fixation. Variety is one hope.

For me, everything had “to make sense.” I saw unlimited interconnectivity through
ubiquitous patterns. I see patterning as ameliorative to the uncertainty, pain, longing, and
over-stimulation, anxiety/depression, and social alienation.

Everything is a give and take but not in the way we commonly conceive. I know in my
own attempts to manage thoughts through systemization, sequencing, and synthesis, I
have come to understand that thoughts are much more unreliable and under scrutiny
perform poorly.

Scrutiny much less bullying and denigration, is a very sensitive matter. It’s an expression
of thought-control in the active components, values, (social repertoire) that develop in
groups. For a developmentally disabled individual, such social development is more
encompassing, active, and experimental.

Development is not static unless stifled, oppressed, denied, or persecuted in its expression
by controlling figures. Hence development is always going to be ongoing and potentially
vexing when group development has unattractive, unethical, or even illegal elements,
threats, and cover-ups.

The very “gaze’ of the NT presumption becomes a portal of normalcy premised on a

fascistic (one way) requirement for validity, painfully anti-autistic in its core.

Much has been stated concerning the naivety of the developmentally disable individual.
This, too, demands revision and redress.