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spray
tan =
melan
in
marin
 ade,
butter
scotch
toppin
g,
pneu
matic
pigme
nt
blaster
, non-
molte
n
bronz
e dip,
muscl
e
vinaig
rette,
sprayt
 a
kerati
n,
mappi
ng
mist,
sweat
coat,
that'll
 do
pigme
nt (?),
pigme
nt
paintb
all
massa
ge =
staff =
body
= soul
sack,
 soul
vehicl
e,
bone
box,
organ
 jar,
flesho
skelet
 on,
thetan
vessel,
spine
 vase,
flesh
house,
brain
mario
nette,
 life-
size
action
figure,
sillhh
oute
genera
tor,
shado
wcast
er,
templ
e,
head
pedest
al,
federa
tion of
limbs,
Jim
Torso
& the
4
Limbs
,
goodb
ody,
soul
totem,
skelet
on
space
suit,
skin
 tent,
coffin
filler,
anima
te
manni
quien
ne
Food
and
Drink
wine
=
Type
 A
grape
bloods
meat
=
 steak
= cuts,
protei
 n
patties
,
vegeta
rian =
herbiv
ores
and
herbiv
oyuers
menu
=
restau
rant =
establi
shmen
t=
appeti
zer =
food =
Medic
al
chirop
ractor
=
backol
ogist
Cliche
s
tickle
your
fancy
 =
tickle
your
fancy
and
your
 soft
under
belly
off the
beaten
track
= off
the
beaten
horse
Misce
llaneo
us
global
warmi
ng =
warmi
ng
globe
syndr
ome
Edit
this
page
(if you
have
permi
ssion)
|
Googl
e
Docs
 --
Web
word
proces
sing,
presen
tations
and
spread
sheets.
Narrat
ive
Point
 of
View
Write
as the
omnis
cient
narrat
or
 (3rd
person
).
While
using
the
 2nd
person
is
someti
mes
unavo
idable,
the
prefer
red
voice
 you
should
aim
for is
the
3rd
person
,
omnis
cient
narrat
or.
Sellin
 g
points,
infor
matio
n, and
humor
are all
usuall
y
strong
er in
 this
voice.
When
introd
ucing
somet
hing
nonse
nsical
(fake
histor
 y,
mixed
metap
hors),
don't
wink
at
 the
reader
to let
them
in on
the
joke.
Don't
call it
 out
with
quotes
 ,
parent
hesis,
or any
 other
narrati
ve
device
.
Speak
 your
ignora
nce
 with
total
author
 ity.
Assert
it as
 fact.
This is
how
you
can
surpri
se the
reader
. If
you
call
 out
your
joke,
 even
in a
subtle
 way,
it
spoils
 the
surpri
se.
Think
of
yourse
 lf as
an
object
 ive,
confid
ent,
 albeit
totally
unqua
lified
and
freque
ntly
blatan
 tly
ignora
nt
 voice
speaki
ng at a
 panel
you
should
 n't
have
been
invite
d to.
Don't
use
the
 first
person
. The
 only
fringe
except
ion is
if we
want
to call
out
somet
hing
 very
extrao
rdinar
 y
about
a
deal...
where
if we
didn't
call
specia
 l
attenti
on to
 it it
could
create
undesi
rable
custo
mer
reacti
 ons.
Any
instan
 ce
where
you
feel
the
first
person
might
 be
called
for,
please
check
in
with
Aaron
first.
Exam
ple
(from
 a
Chipo
tle
 deal
with
only a
7-day
expira
tion
 and
untrad
itional
discou
nt
struct
ure):
We
realize
this is
a short
expira
tion
windo
w and
that a
half-
 off
coupo
 n is
not a
traditi
onal
Group
 on
offer,
but
 since
it
involv
 es
Chipo
tle
burrit
os, we
figure
d it
was
just
 too
good
of a
deal to
pass
up.
Mini
mize
the
use of
the
2nd
person
.
Somet
imes
using
the
 2nd
person
is
easily
avoida
ble,
 and
someti
mes
 it's
highly
useful
(ex:
the
deal
senten
ce). If
you
 write
a
senten
ce in
the
2nd
person
, and
then
discov
er that
you
 could
just as
easily
remov
e the
"you's
" and
"your'
s"
witho
ut
using
 the
passiv
e
voice
and it
still
 reads
natura
lly, do
that.
When
you
do use
the
 2nd
person
, make
sure to
spread
it out.
Conse
cutive
senten
 ces
specifi
cally
addres
sing
the
reader
genera
lly
 feel
gratin
g.
 The
2nd
person
 is
often
very
useful
for
clearl
 y
descri
bing
what
the
custo
mer's
experi
ence
will
be
like,
especi
ally
for
compl
icated
deals.
(EX:
After
your
studio
portrai
ts are
develo
ped,
you'll
 have
the
option
to mix
and
match
 your
differe
nt
poses
and
choos
e
betwe
en 6
differe
 nt
print
option
s.). It's
when
the
 2nd
person
is
used
in a
more
creati
ve
contex
t and
with a
voice
that
assum
es too
much
famili
arity
with
the
reader
that it
can
sound
like
traditi
 onal
marke
ting
copy.
Don't
assum
 e
famili
arity
 with
the
reader
 .
Exam
ple
 of
Group
on
Voice
violati
on
from a
golf
deal:
 Go
ahead.
Be a
Tiger.
--Eve
n if
 this
were
funnie
r than
it is,
you
haven'
t
earned
 that
level
 of
intima
cy
 with
the
reader
 , and
they're
likely
 to not
respon
d to it.
You
are
not
the
reader'
s pal.
 One
way to
help
minim
ize
overus
ing
the
2nd
person
is to
think
about
using
the
busine
ss
and
it's
staff
as the
subjec
ts of
 your
senten
ces, as
oppos
ed to
the
custo
mer.
Exam
ple:
Custo
mer as
subjec
t:You'
ll
begin
 your
treatm
ent
 with
an
assess
ment
of
your
postur
e.
Practit
ioner
as
subjec
t, still
using
"you":
Dr.
Ronal
 d
begins
your
treatm
ent
 by
assess
ing
 your
postur
e.
Practit
ioner
as
subjec
t,
avoidi
 ng
"you":
Dr.
Ronal
d
begins
treatin
g each
patien
t by
assess
 ing
their
postur
e.
Depen
ding
on the
contex
t, any
of
these
may
be
prefer
able,
but
since
you
should
be
strivin
g to
minim
ize the
2nd
person
 and
use
"you"
only
when
it
really
helps
clarify
the
custo
mer
experi
 ence,
using
subjec
 ts
other
than
 the
custo
mer
should
help
create
you
do
 that
proact
ively
instea
d of
during
editin
g.
Varyi
 ng
your
subjec
ts also
makes
it
more
likely
 you'll
end up
with
varied
senten
ce
struct
ures,
and
 with
uses
of the
 2nd
person
appro
priatel
y
distan
ced
from
each
other.
Edit
this
page
(if you
have
permi
ssion)
|
Googl
e
Docs
 --
Web
word
proces
sing,
presen
tations
and
spread
sheets.
Detail
s
Sectio
n
Write-
up
Object
 ive
#1:
Descri
be the
busine
ss or
experi
ence
in
specifi
c
detail.
Reade
rs
should
get a
concre
 te
sense
of the
busine
ss and
what
sets it
apart
in its
field.
Reade
rs
should
also
unders
tand
the
exact
nature
and
value
of the
deal in
the
 first
paragr
aph.
By
 the
end of
the
write-
up, a
prospe
ctive
custo
mer
should
have
all
his/he
r
questi
 ons
about
 the
busine
ss and
 the
Group
on
answe
red.
Write-
up
Object
 ive
#2:
Entert
 ain.
Our
discou
nts get
people
to
buy,
our
write-
ups
get
people
to
keep
readin
g&
comin
g back
day
after
 day.
Good,
funny
writin
g
helps
us
captur
e the
kind
 of
brand
evang
elists
who
will
email
the
deal to
 their
friend
s.
Answ
er
these
questi
ons as
early
 as
possib
le:
Why
do I
want
this?
How
can I
learn
more
about
the
produ
ct/serv
ice?
Where
can I
find
revie
ws?
How/
where
do I
redee
m the
Group
 on?
(alwa
ys link
 the
redem
ption
addres
s to a
Googl
e
map)
Every
Detail
s
Writer
should
feel
confid
ent
that
they'v
e
covere
 d
everyt
hing
in the
Detail
s
 &
Revie
ws
Check
list
before
sendin
g their
draft
to the
next
stage.
Sellin
g
Points
 - Go
throug
h the
selling
points
checkl
ist to
make
sure
you've
consid
ered
all
 the
potent
ial
angles
for
descri
bing
this
deal.
Consi
der
the
selling
points
listed
in
"highl
ights"
in
Salesf
orce
(see
below
), but
don't
 stop
there.
Resea
 rch
info
from
the
busine
ss's
websit
e, web
&
media
 revie
ws, &
extrac
 t the
selling
points
 from
there.
Also,
 ask
yourse
lf why
 you'd
buy
this. If
 you
would
n't,
 ask
someo
ne
else
why
 they
might.
Distill
what
is
uniqu
e
about
 the
experi
ence,
 and
find a
way to
creati
vely
expres
s that
with
 some
person
ality.
Here
are
some
write-
ups
that
really
go the
extra
mile
to
descri
be the
experi
ence
of a
deal in
a
thoug
htful
way:
Chron
icles
of the
Curse
d-
Chica
go
Tradit
ional
Equita
 tion
Schoo
l - Los
Angel
es
Salon
Capell
 i-
D.C.
Creati
ve
Sellin
 g
Points
:Sellin
 g
points
are the
 likely
benefi
ts/uses
of the
featur
ed
produ
ct/serv
ice.
Creati
ve
selling
point
are
unlike
 ly
benefi
ts/uses
of the
featur
ed
produ
ct/serv
ice.
 Why
skydiv
e in a
 wind
tunnel
? To
blast
the
dust
out of
your
keybo
ard.
Balan
ce of
creati
 ve
conten
t to
selling
points
:
 A
Group
on
write-
up
must
appeal
to two
types
 of
reader
s: the
 no-
frills
reader
who
wants
 to
quickl
y
captur
e the
value
of the
deal
and
make
a
decisi
on,
and
the
reader
who
needs
some
amou
nt of
engagi
ng
conten
 t to
contin
ue
readin
g.
 We
should
never
 stray
for too
long
 from
selling
points
 and
infor
mativ
 e
details
that
help
 the
reader
unders
tand
the
deal.
Humo
rous
tangen
 ts
should
never
 last
longer
than
one
senten
ce,
and
 our
most
power
 ful
creati
ve
asides
are
usuall
y less
than
one
senten
ce
long
—
they're
clever
turns
 of
phrase
peppe
 red
aroun
d the
selling
points.
 How
much
humor
should
I
includ
e?:
 The
best
write-
 ups
surpri
se the
reader
with
well-
timed,
space
d out
humor
. If it's
space
d
out,
you
don't
expect
it as
much
and it
surpri
ses
 you.
Don't
attem
 pt to
insert
jokes
into
every
senten
ce.
Don't
be
asham
ed to
let
infor
mativ
e
senten
 ces
stand
alone
 and
provid
e
value
to the
reader
simpl
y by
being
infor
mativ
e and
well
writte
n.
 It's a
comm
on
mistak
e for
new
Group
on
writer
 s to
feel
pressu
 re to
insert
humor
into
nearly
every
senten
ce, but
when
that
happe
ns the
jokes
 feel
tacked
on,
 each
subse
quent
 joke
loses
impac
t even
if
they're
good,
and
the
write-
up
becom
 es
exhau
sting
 to
read.
Shoot
for at
least 1
humor
ous
injecti
 on
every
paragr
 aph
(could
be as
short
as 1
word,
or
 as
long
as 1
senten
ce).
Avoid
repetit
ion.
Don't
get
into a
rhyth
m
where
every
senten
ce
ends
with a
simila
rly
struct
ured
humor
 ous
phrase
. Vary
 the
syntac
tical
ways
within
a
write-
up in
which
humor
appear
s.
Keep
your
jokes
spread
out.
Every
 2-4
senten
ces is
a good
rule of
thumb
 for
new
writer
s.
Experi
enced
writer
 s can
feel
free to
experi
ment
with
humor
in
conse
cutive
senten
ces,
but
will
need
to
keep it
varied
in
length
and
struct
 ure.
Short,
subtle
jokes
pokin
 g out
from a
mostl
y
infor
mativ
e
piece
 are
likely
to
 have
more
comed
 ic
impac
t.
80/20:
While
this
varies
from
write-
up to
write-
up,
 and
while
you
should
n't be
counti
ng
words
and
doing
long
divisi
on, a
 good
rule of
thumb
 is to
shoot
for
80%
infor
mativ
e
conten
t and
20%
creati
ve
conten
t.
Exam
ples of
balanc
e:
Here's
a great
examp
le of a
well-
balanc
 e
write-
up
(jokes
underl
ined
in red
to
help
illustr
ate the
balanc
 e).
There
are
comfo
rtable
spans
 of
well-
writte
 n but
humor
 less
copy
 that
really
gets to
 the
heart
of the
deal,
and
the
humor
ous
injecti
 ons
are
distrib
uted
in a
 way
that
makes
them
each
more
unexp
ected,
giving
 them
substa
ntially
 more
impac
t. The
humor
never
gets in
the
way
of
quickl
y
letting
 the
reader
know
exactl
y what
they'll
get.
 The
humor
injecti
 ons
are
varied
 in
style,
substa
 nce,
and
syntax
 , and
theref
or do
not
feel
 to
predic
table
 or
exhau
sting.
Here's
an
examp
le of a
write-
up
 that
was
unacc
eptabl
y
overw
rought
with
humor
ous
injecti
ons
(humo
 r is in
red
font to
 help
illustr
ate the
balanc
e).
The
non-
stop
humor
gives
 no
relief
and
becom
es
gratin
g. The
final
paragr
aph is
devoi
d of
 any
meani
ngful
infor
matio
n
about
the
busine
 ss
whats
oever.
While
there
are
some
good
jokes
 in
here,
they
 all
lose
comed
 ic
impac
t
becau
se
there's
nothin
g but
jokes,
so the
reader
comes
 to
expect
them.
The
write-
up is
very
light
 on
details
,
giving
the
editor
 no
confid
ence
 that
the
writer
 has
done
enoug
 h
resear
ch,
 and
requiri
ng
 them
to
resear
ch the
deal
from
scratc
h to
see if
anythi
ng
else
can be
added
back
 in
(some
thing
 they
should
not
 have
to do).
At
best,
to a
reader
who
loves
 our
humor
,
they'll
laugh
less
when
readin
g this
than
they
would
a
norma
l
write-
up. At
worst,
for a
reader
who
mostl
y just
wants
the
details
, this
write-
up
will
be
very
irritati
ng to
read.
Here
is the
final
 edit.
The
balanc
 e is
more
appro
priate,
and
they'v
e
added
 in a
durati
on of
 the
lesson
s, a
 key
detail
that
should
have
been
includ
ed in
 the
first
draft.
 See
how a
humor
line
here
like
"adult
s,
kids,
 and
their
teenag
 e
hybrid
s"
could
never
have
been
writte
n in
advan
ce of
assem
 bling
the
details
 &
reacti
ng to
them,
 but
functi
ons
 very
natura
lly in
 this
write-
up.
Struct
uring
Your
Write-
up:
Step
1:
Resea
rch &
assem
bling
 key
(unorg
anized
 )
points
in
Word
(scree
nshot
of step
1)
 Do
not
start
your
write-
up by
thinki
ng of
lots of
hilario
us
jokes
about
the
subjec
 t
matter
.
 This
appro
ach
inevit
ably
leads
 to
longer
, full-
senten
ce
jokes,
and a
balanc
e that
is too
heavy
on the
humor
.
 Start
instea
d with
thorou
gh
resear
ch. A
good
write-
up is
the
produ
 ct of
thorou
gh
resear
ch. In
most
cases,
more
than
half
your
time
 will
be
spent
compi
ling
resear
ch. Do
 the
follow
ing
resear
ch
steps
before
begin
ning
 to
write
any
actual
origin
al
conten
t:
 Read
all the
releva
 nt
conten
t on
 the
compa
ny
websit
e.
Check
the
revie
 ws
trends.
Read
any
notabl
 e
press
revie
ws of
the
busine
ss.
Copy
the
key
selling
points
from
 the
Salesf
orce
record
that
you
should
includ
e.
If you
still
don't
 have
enoug
h,
actuall
y go
read
some
of the
positi
 ve
revie
ws.
As
you
do
 your
resear
ch,
 start
compi
ling
them
in
your
word
templ
ate.
Copy
&
paste,
or
simpl
y
parap
hrase
the
points
you
wish
to
cover.
It's
easier
 to
have
them
 all in
front
of you
 &
then
strip
away
anythi
ng
unnec
essary
than it
 is to
try to
reme
mber
them
all
 once
you
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