YOU & I ARE A SURVIVOR

People say that experience is your best teacher. In most cases they are
speaking truth.
Many experiences from my past weren't the best ones, but I survived . This
was not by my
own power or strength. I am a survivor because of God's grace and mercy.
He spared my life
and gave me a testimony to prove that all things are possible through him.
Recalling the lonliness and dirtiness I felt at a tender age of 9 or 10 years
old. It should have
never resorted to such violence, but it happened. The situation was so
overwhelming.
I blocked out many of the facts, just to survive. How else could I protect
myself ?
Suppressing feelings of pain and anger isn't a good idea, though. People
need to get their feelings of
hurt and fustration out. Don't ponder the hard stuff inside your heart forever.
It will make you sick.
I was embarrassed, shameful and felt a stench of guilt. My mother always
told us girls not to
talk to strangers. I'm talking about me and my sister. Joshua wasn't a
stranger. He was someone
known to us. We met in the neighborhood playground on this particular
afternoon.
He was like an older brother. I trusted him until that day.

The playground seemed empty, and barren. One execption was a few older
children playing basketball
on the court. They couldn't see us two in plain view from the court. Of
course, those tall concrete walls
surrounding the court made it difficult for anyone to see. Colored leaves had
fallen on the ground.
It was mid fall. I heard them crunch as I walked by. Who could ever forget
the
sounds of those leaves on this particular day? He pushed me in those
leaves. It was a time
when my life became colorless and bitter. Joshua lured my small body into
some woods and done
his dirty work. Then he left the scene, as if nothing ever took place.
However, This became a crime
scene. This was a terrible crime for a little girl to face alone. It caused me to
bleed.
However, Physical blood was no comparrison to my bleeding heart. It would
take me half
of my lifetime to recover from this pain. Still, I am a survivor.

I was no longer a child or a virgin, now. I'd been raped or sexually molested
by an older boy.
This reminds me of a story in the bible about a woman that had a serious
issue of blood.
She was suffering from uncleanliness, for twelve long years. All she wanted
to do is touch the helm of
 Jesus garment and be healed or in other words made complete. My question
after a situation such
as this one is, Would I ever be complete or made whole again. Still! I am a
survivor.

Nothing made me whole in this situation. It seemed as if I were searching

for something or
someone to replace the emptiness inside. Everyone I came into contact
seem to validate
me. Did I lose my identity? Yes! I no longer understood that I was still
unique and
wonderfullly made by God. I couldn't accept wonderful and positive
complements or acts of caring.
Furthermore, I'd lost trust in people. No one could be trusted, especially not
a man. This affected
many friendships and personal relationships in my life. A struggle leaving
you an incomplete person
can be a battle. Still, I am a survivor.

How can a person ever become complete after suffering from tramatic
experiences, or having their
life turned up side down and filled with all kinds of issues? There are many
issues like drugs,
alchohol, sexual impurities, perversion, uncleaness, fornication, prostitution,
suicidal thoughts,
adultery, incest and rejection and abuse plaguing this world today. Alot of
these issues are the
ones that separate us from the real individuals we are suppose to be. I've
had to fight to overcome
many of these same issues, with the help of God. Still! I am a survivor.

The ability for me to believe that I could ever be loved was stolen from me at
a early age. Therefore,
many sinful actions took place in my life following this incidence. I became
permiscurous and curious.
Curiosity led me to a place no one would ever want to go. Not listening to the
right stuff took me to
a even harsher level. I learned about things that no child should no about
until they are mature enough
to handle them.Believe me when I make this statement. Some things are not
meant to hear, and alot
of stuff is not meant to see or touch. I realize that hell is not actually on earth.
But the bible speaks about
if you make your bed in hell, it is the place that you will end up. My bed was
made the wrong way for a
long time. It took approximately fifteen years before God decided to show me
how to make it the correct
way. Yes! I said that God decided to show me. One of my biggest problems
was rebellion and stubborness.
No one could tell me anything. In fact, I didn't want to hear and simply would
not listen. There is a thing
called free will. God never forces any person to serve him. He didn't actually
force me, either. He simply gave
me a little nudge to show me what could happen if I didn't get my act
together. I was literally on my way to
hell. It was as if I reached hell with no escape or way out. The drugs and
alchohol had taken a toll on my life.
The perveted lifestyle wasn't good, either. It was time to come out of the
bars, and the party scenes full of
gross nonsense. God did bring me out much later in life. Being hit by a semi
truck and crashing into
a concrete wall in oncoming traffic is a miracle when you survive. Not many
people get the opportunity
to live through such an experience. Still, I am a survivor.

Being young should be the most enjoyable time in a person's life. I wasn't
filled with joy all the time like
some. Instead, I grew up early and started a permiscurous lifestyle at the
age of twelve. This is where
sin led me. I know longer valued my true identity. God purposed me to be his
child. This is who God created
me to be! The bible says, that we are unique and wonderfully made. I am
made in his image, but Satan didn't
want me to be wonderful or even do wonderful things. He put strongholds in
my life to hold me down.
I didn't act like a person God had made. Satan with his sinful tactics operates
harsh. His operations
don't always succeed. They are designed to destroy you. His first attempt
was to kill me at birth.
I was born with a heart defect, and sentenced by Satan to death. God had a
better plan.
Still, I am a survivor!

Becoming a teenage girl led to more heartaches. I longed to be loved and

love somebody.
Since I already knew the term sexually intercourse, I used it alot to gain my
definition of love.
Did I really know that sex wasn't love? There was no real intimacy
or attention involved in these shortlived cases. No one could fill my void.

Moma tried to fill the lonliness, heartache and pain. However, She wasn't
aware of my real
problems. Did she ever notice these signs? Did she know what happened? I
couldn't remember
whether she knew the truth or not. I just remember that she'd always been a
loving, and
gentle woman. My grandmother was just the same. They both nurtured me
in caring ways.
However, Something was still always incomplete. My mother gave me all
kinds of material things in
order to make me happy. She was a young mother herself. She was simply
a baby raising a baby. She
didn't know the rules. Possible she was deprived of attention and discipline
herself, including love.
In fact, Grandma and grandpa done most of the baby rearing, while my
mother went back to
 highschool. Showering of gifts did give me happiness for a moment. This
happiness was temporary.
Moma may never understand. Along life's journey, I came into contact with
the one who understood
every aspect of my life. This vital life changing experience came later. Still, I
am a survivor.

In middle school, I wrestled with all kinds of anxiety and fear. Different types
of pills were prescribed
just to help me cope with life. There were the blue nerve pills and the yellow
valuims. Oh, The asthma
medicine would help me breath during times of a sudden asthma attack. I
still couldn't seem to
get over these outer body experiences. Sometimes, It felt like gravity was
actually pulling my soul to
the ground. Spots would circle around my head and I'd go off to wondering.
Am I on my way to Hell?
Where was I going with this?

So called friends would pick on me in gym class or on the bus. They called
me names or wanted
to fight . They wanted to fight me constantly. I wasn't a fighter. Moma taught
me to be nice and
very respectful to everybody. I was nice, so I thought. The anger was held
deep inside. It was always
lurking some place inside. I once described my anger as a time bomb
waiting to explode. The explosion
was silent, and usual. Nothing ever bothered me outwardly. I knew how to
keep my feelings tucked deep
inside and how to smile. It was just a face mask or character acting my life
away. Sometimes,
Certain girls made fun of me because I didn't always dress like them. Moma
bought me many
beautiful clothes. The styles were just wrong for this particular click. I
seemed to be clueless
about trends. 'You are lame and square." were some of their remarks. This
left me more worthless.
Low self-esteem took me to a strong level of depression. I started smoking at
an early age to rid the
stress. Nicotine is not a good stress reliever.

It only added to other addictions that I formed on down the line. I was
addicted to the joints and
alchohol and several other things. Soon, I'd become so depressed with all
these challenges that
I took matters into my own hands. This was the day, I'd end this thing called
life. Can you believe a
child would go to such extremes? Challenges like this are common in
today's society.
We don't always have clues as to what our children are really facing.
People often ignore warning signs. Don't ignore warnings. I was expose to
so much garbage while
growing up. You can just imagine how much more stuff is out there today.
 The school staff could have found me dead in that middle school bathroom. I
attempted to take my life, but
was unsuccessful. A teacher found me and those bottle of pills that would
have been a contributor
to my death. Isn't it ironic that sometimes all we can visualize is scars and
wounds from the pain
of our past? I would try a couple of more times throughout my life, and suffer
a nervous breakdown
before my story ended. Still, I am a survivor.

The women in the bible mentioned earlier with the issue of blood, she
suffered terribly.
She seemed to have no way of escape from the delima's facing her life. Can
you imagine how she felt?
My thoughts of her aren't imaginary. There are times in this life when I may
have felt this type
of pain. Often, I carried around weights from my problems. Burdens were on
both shoulder's. Most of these
burdens was due to sin. I refused to believe things could change. There
were days of rebellion.
My negative ways wouldn't even change. Why! I was shielding myself from
more hurt. No one was going
to get too close to me or mishandle me all over again. Why change these
ways? They seemed stuck to
me. This is the negative nature I was taught by people and some family
members. I was shaped to
hold grudges, instead of forgive. Why can't I forgive? It isn't a hard thing to
do if you just do it!
My uncle told me that he didn't like me. I was considered too sneaky for his
taste. Not to say that my
problems were his fault. You just need to be careful of the words you speak
over people. Words are
a powerful thing. And whomever maid the statement that stone and sticks
break bones, but words won't
ever hurt you, lied. Word do hurt! They hurt your feelings, and emotions and
shape your life as to what
you think. It's hard to believe the positives, when your always been injected
with the negatives. People were
shooting me up with poisoness needles, so to speak. I'm talking about
words. My life was filled
with generational curses, too. How would I ever amount to anything or be
anybody? Daddy was a
alcholic. Moma reminded me that I came from somebody that was no good.
He would never be good
enough. She couldn't stand him for her own set of reasons. This was not my
fault though. I never asked to
be born. I had my own question. Could she stand me? Sometimes, I wonder
what she saw
when she looked at me. Did she see his eyes, instead of mine? Sure, We
are all products of our parents,
but we don't have to do as they do. I was still apart of him. Would I survive?
 Homosexuality ran deep in the roots of my problemed family. I don't mean to
sound harsh. The truth
must be made known. We were like so many other families in this world
today. A family with secrets,
drug users, abuse, dissabilities, anger, hurt, pride, and sin. We weren't the
only dysfunctional family on
planet earth. Without God no one can function right. Why would I say this?
Homosexuality is a dysfunction.
In other words, It is not right. God made you either a male or female. If you
choose by your own will
to become something that God never intended for you to be, what are you
saying."God I don't like who
you made!" Your going against God's word and his will. Homosexuallity is a
stinking abomination
towards God. I know for a fact because I was stuck in the act. I had to
confess the mess. You may even
hate the truth. It was however the truth that made me free. Yes, I came from
a dysfunctional
family background. My friends reminded me of those dyfunctions too. What
category did this them in?
Still, I am a survivor.

When people come through all kinds of stuggles, hardships and pain they
still must realize
you have the power to change and overcome. You have the power to do
better and feel better.
You have the power to be better than your circumstances. Inspite of
struggles, I found strength through
God to be raised up out of the pits of hell. No longer would I remain in such a
terrible condition.
My condition wasn't just a physical condition. I had the wrong thoughts going
on inside my mind.
This mind was being controlled by negatives, instead of being led by
positive. I found
positive in God. With God all things are possible. I am a survivor.

I'm reminded of how Moma use to say, I am a baptist because my mother

was a baptist.
She want become a member of a different denomination for this reason.
However, You have
to be careful when it involves traditional values or influences. We should
never do something
just because someone else does. Eccept, It is commanded from the word of
God. Just
because someone in your family is an umbeliever or atheist, doesn't mean
you have to be one.
I remember a conversation that me a sister once had concerning the church.
"There are too many
is ums and scizims in the church?" "What do you mean?" I asked. "There is
too much division in
the body of Christ!" She let me know how peopel in the body of Christ or the
church make
distinct differences when it comes to their congregations and their
leadership.
 "One Pastor or church affilliation is no better than any other." she
mentioned. "God want
have this type of behavior in his church." I understood her point of optimism,
yet the reason
for her outburst sent me mixed messages. If the body of Christ has so much
division amoungst
one another, let's not gossip about the body. Instead, find a way to lift up the
church and encourage
people to become unity. Therefore, We can rid the division in the church. My
comment to this sister
was this. "If you believe the body of Christ is so divided, instead of adding to
the problem become apart
of the solution." She starred at me. Backbiting and Gossipping brings forth
more division. Love and
Unity bring solutions. Love on the body, and it will love you back. We are all
survivors
together.

Change involves doing something different. God wants you to do something

better.
This is why so much sin is prevalent in people's lives today. Earlier, I talked
about
my daddy's alchoholism . Do I have to follow in his footsteps or be a negative
product of him?
When something is not done right, it's the wrong way. This is a belief based
on the word of God.
Our ways are not God's ways.Our thoughts are not his thoughts either. He
has a much higher
standard of thinking. This positive thought pattern had to be taught to me
and learned
through experience. How do you get a higher standard of thinking. My
thinking had line up with
the word of God. The bible saids let this mind be in you that is also in Christ
Jesus. God saved a
filthy, perverted, distorted, nasty, unclean, and insane mind. He gave me my
sanity back.
Otherwise, I would have remained insane. How can she claim insanity? You
may ask this
question. I know longer have to claim insanity. However, What do you call a
person who commits all
kinds of evil things without no conscious remorse, guilt, or shame and they
enjoy doing
what they do? There are people in this lifetime whom actually enjoy doing
wrong. Don't you
think they need to ride on a short bus? I'm not making fun of disabled
people, because
they can't help their condition, except God heals them. We have no real
control over our
sinful nature or condition, untill we hand them completely over to God. He
changed me inspite of the
sins I committed. My past was judged by many people. Often, I asked alot of
questions.
 How many more rocks will be thown at me because of my past? This use to
be a main
question in my life. God saved and forgave me of my sin and he cleaned me
up.
His cleaning was an inside job! The outer appearance didn't matter. People
can always
cover themselves up on the outside inward. Does that really take care of the
true condition
or issues on the inside. Take off your mask! It didn't matter what people
thought of me after
the transformation, as long as I live for God. It only matters what God thinks.
I'm sure glad he
is the judge rather than people. Otherwise we may not get the justice we
desire. Telling God
sorry for the mess I created was a key factor in my Salvation. And believe
me a mess was
created. How else can you explain all the stuff that I done on my own
consent? Nobody forced
me to keep sinning, other than me. No one can force you to do right, except
you too.

I had to make out a report card. The report that I saw was not a good one.
So repenting is
how God allowed me to turn this thing around. True repentence sent me
straight to my knees
crying out for mercy and begging for grace. Mind you that you don't have to
beg for grace or
mercy. They are gifts from God. He desires to give his children the best gifts
in life. You don't
have to beg for a gift, just ask and receive. Satan tried desperately to attack
many areas of my
life. Still, I am a survivor.

I survived the pain from my past and the sin that so easily beset me. You can
be a overcome any
negativety in your life. All things are possible through Christ. In other words,
Everybody includes all things are or can be possible and happen completely
through Christ.
Christ allows all things good to be finished or come to pass. You are a
finished product in
God. He knows how to complete.You don't have to be a product of your
enviroment, surroundings
or this world. Be who God wants you to be. I am a survivor!

When I realized that God understood above everyone else, it gave me a

renewed hope. People have to
learn to open up their hearts or reopen their heart after so much pain and
trouble. God can help you through
any traumatic experience, and give you the ability to trust others. He can give
you the ability to love
and be receptive of love. It's up to you to recieve help that is being offered.
God will not let you down.
People can let you down and dissappoint you, but God is still able to console.
It's important for you to be
free from hurt, anger, regret, shame, guilt, dissappointment, grief and other
feelings
associated with pain and confusion. Express yourself! No one gets help by
bottling your
emotions inside. If you have to scream. SCREAM! Do it in away that won't
be affensive to others.
You still have to get it over and out. God knows your true feelings. It's alright
to tell him your
thoughts. Confess the problems to someone. It may be a Pastor or friend
you can confide in.
Have you ever told someone close to you a deep secret, confess the
situation to somebody that
you can trust. Tramatic and hardfelt pain held inside can cause stress or
health problems.
God doesn't want his people in poor health. Open confession is also great
for a sin sick soul.
This is a soul thing. Your soul needs and deserves healing. God can free
you from all
pain. I am a survivor. You can survive too.

There have been many challenges along life's way. Life is also full of
challenges. The
challenges placed in your life are often a tool used to show you that inspite
of the things
that I have been through or had to suffer, i can still make it and come out
strong! Still,
I am a survivor.

Sometimes, Life can seem like your just at war. We have to remember that
we are not
wrestling against flesh and blood or in other words people. The battles are
inside our hearts and
minds. Negative thoughts in our minds can be a constant battle. Pain and
grief in our lives
are battles. The word of God states that weapons of our warfare are not
carnal, but are
mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds. God can tear down
that thing that
is trying to hold strong to you. With the help of the Lord, you can loose it and
let it go. God
demanded this same thing to the graveclothes that had Lazarus bond.
Lazarus was really bond.
In fact, Lazurus was dead. Dead people can't usually hear anything.
However, When God speaks
even the dead have to pay attention.

If something is holding onto your mind too tightly, you need to just let it go.
Sometimes there are places
in are mind that have strong defenses or a barrier up so that no one can get
into that place. Why?
Are you trying to protect someone or yourself from hurt, harm or danger.
This is something I had to
realize on my journey with Christ. God is not a God that will do something
deliberately try to
cause you pain. He does allow things to transpire in your life. Some
experiences in life are good.
Other situations in your life may be bad.

Whatever the cicumstance may be, somehow God is working it completely

for your good. You may not
see this point or understand the lesson. God will show you why certain
things have
happened in his own time, and if he chooses. God desires a opportunity to
expose
the issues raging inside the heart. Why? We all need to change for the
better. Our desire
should be to be more like God.

My pastor once told me that trouble was my friend. I starred at her in

disbelief. "What do you mean?"
I questioned. How could all of this stuff that I've faced or been through be a
friend. With friend like this,
I never needed a single enemy. My biggest enemy in my life turned out to
be myself. If only I'd
learned earlier how to let go of the woes and give the trouble to God.
Trouble comes to make you better,
but it can make you worse or bitter if you allow. Think about the story of
JOB. Sometimes, I refer to
it as a JOB (work). Life can be a JOB!

Job hated evil. He was a upright man, and feared the Lord. God still allowed
the enemy to destroy
everything in his life, with the exception of killing him. God took away his
hedge of protection from
Job and all kinds of things started to happen. Wasn't it enough that he lost
his livestock, home
and riches? God allowed him to lose his children too. How many of us could
take something so painful
and still be satisfied with serving God? Job may of had questions. Why did
you do this to me? Don't you
realize who I am? "Well, I'm not JOB!" You might remark . No! You are not
Job, but you are still God's.
Job wife told him to curse God and die. Can you believe this. Who tells a
persons to curse the living God
but the Devil himself. She must of been frusturated, angry and possessed.
There was still help for her too
if she took the help. In the mist of his struggle, Job still knew he would get
through this situation. Job was
a survivor. The person closest to him wanted him apparently wanted him in
more trouble. This is how life
can transpire. Sometimes, The enemy can be right in your own household.
"You talk like a foolish
 woman!" he responded.

"Do you expect good from God and never evil?" If life was always a bed of
roses, most of us still
wouldn't be satisfied. Job's point was that no matter what a person goes
through, it's better to go through
it with strength, power, authority and faith. God is all these things and more.
He is your refuge (safety)
and strength, a very present help in times of trouble. Yes! trouble did come
knocking at my door on many
occassions. When it wasn't knocking, I hurried to find trouble and this led to
sin. Did trouble remain in my
life always? No! I had many good days too! On the other hand, Sin
remained in my life until I repented
and turned from those wicked ways. I have to do that everyday. Sin is
always present and tempting .
Sometimes we refuse to give our stuff over to God, including sin and
trouble. If we never knew trouble,
we would never understood that there was someone to help us out of
trouble.
What can anybody do without God? Still I am a survivor

I had my own personal experience involving my child and trouble. Satan's

one intent was for me to fold
and give up on God. Did he want me to curse God and die too? He used
my child as bait. It was a very
tough and painful experience that showed a valuble lesson. Was I a person
that held grudges,
believed in revenge and had a unforgiving character. Yes! This surprised
me and many other
people in my life. I was filled with anger. There was no respect for
leadership or fear of God inside me.
What a terrible way to live. Would I survive this?

Yes, I got healed through this situation and from some things bought on
by unforgiveness.
At first, I didn't think I could survive this sudden attack. Unforgiveness will
cause bad stuff to
remain in you. God can't even forgive you if you don't forgive others.
Forgiveness is one of the most
powerful things on earth.

Jesus was nailed to a cross and chose to forgive his enemies. He forgave
all of them.
We have a hard time forgiving a person for looking at us the wrong way.
This is both sad and tragic.
Do you want God to forgive you or do you want him to send you hell bond?
Think about this condition.
God will not forgive you! Why want God forgive me? He want forgive your
refusal to forgive someone
else. When you forgive someone, you free yourself. Otherwise, you are
bond by unforgiveness.
Loose yourself from unforgiveness and let it go. Don't let it hold on to you
forever.

Allow yourself to get rid of all strongholds that hold you captive. God came
to set all captives free.
Get rid of the wrong attitudes. Have you ever read the BEATTITUDES in
the Bible.
BE THAT ATTITUDE THAT YOU READ ABOUT.Get rid of the wrong views
and thoughts.
Learn to form a relationship with God. He will help you in every area of your
life.

Many times people have to recognize the need for God in their lives, in
order to get the help
that they so desperately need. It's similar to an alcholic or drug user. They
have to admit a
problem, in order to get help and a solution to the problem. Past mistakes
and pain associated
with the past does need to be healed and released. I've got over my past.
Imagine yourself
stepping over a ladder to get to the other side. You no longer need the
ladder to hold you up or
stand on, because that ladder has become useless or gotten in your way.
Same as your past!
You no longer need your past to survive, because you have stepped over
it. You are a survivor.

I found it helpful to create a list of the effects of sin and the pain
associated
with sin. There is a healing process that should take place as you learn
how God can ultimately
help you to become a survivor and comfort the pain in your life. God gives
hope to the
hopeless, friendship to the friendless, strength to the weak and complete
aid in
healing. It's vital to be healed. It's vital to live and become a survivor. I am
a survivor.

Pain is the effect or physical signs that something in your body is not
working properly. It
causes the body or flesh to hurt physically and can cause emotional
issues too. Pain of
feeling rejected was a biggie in my life. There were times when I felt like
no one wanted to
be bothered with me. I had friends, but were they true ones. Did anyone
even like the person
they were encountering? I had to come to the understanding that God
rejects no one. His word
of wisdom, and understanding and concern is to all. No one cannot have
God's love
because he extends his love to everybody, including the poor, white or
black and jews or
gentiles. Therefore, God became my friend. He's a friend that sticks
closer than a brother.
Let him stick with you! I was put aside on many occassions as a young
girl. Instead of
those kids picking me to be on their team, I was picked last. Can you just
imagine how they
snickered? It was as if they would choose a animal before they chose
me. The looks on they
face were so obvious. "She's the last person to be picked!" "We have to
choose her, now!"

Abandonment is another word to use for this particular situation. Pain of

being put aside or abandoned
is not a good feeling. No one should ever think that they are useless to
this world. God made
everyone with a purpose. In other words, He made you on purpose. You
are not a mistake.
No matter how some one values you is not important. It may seem
important! The important
thought is that God values you when no one else does. He paid a price
for you and died on a
wooden cross. This ought to prove how valuable we really are.

People may have called you a nobody. I've got this type of treatment
from folks.
They didn't think I'd amount to anything useful. I served notice to the
Devil.
When you belong to God, you no longer worry about an identity crisis.
When you think that you do not measure up to anyone, look up God. He
didn't make you to
measure up to no one, but yourself. He only made one you, and no one
else is made exactly
like you. This concept changed my mentality. I could only be who God
made me to be. He
made me somebody! I am a survivor.

There is a pain assoiciated with being accussed of something that you

didnt do. Furthermore, It
hurts to be lied on. I've had these experiences too. Most of the time it
was job related. Which tried
to destroy my work ethics. People in this world are competitive.
Competion is alright, but when you take
it to a very extreme level to reamain first, poses a problem. Authority
figures in my job relations
weren't always kind. I felt inferior to some of my bosses authorityship.
They used this as weakness,
as does Satan. He loves to intimidate folks, especially if he notices
weekness. You can take a
baby elephant stronger than some of his peers and train him to be like
the king of the jungle.
With confidence this baby elephant will soar as superior or react in a way
that is above all of the
other animals in the animal kingdom. Now reverse his blessing and strap
him up and mistreat the
 elepant or cause him to feel less than nothing.

This is a tactic that Satan uses. He causes intimidation and inferiority or

fear. When you are accused
and lied on, you feel like this baby elephant. Weak and defenseless folk
think that people are against
them. Believe me when I say that there are folks against you. However,
Everyone is not against you.
Change your mentality to the negative will lead to madness. There is an
opportunity for you to know that
you are sombody. You are a survivor! How did I survive the lies told by
the devil about me?
I changed my mind. How do God's people look intimidation and
accusation in the face and let them
know that they are no longer in control?

Changing my mind was one componant and changing my heart was a

diffrent one.
I prayed about those accussations from the very ones that hated me.
Yes! I took my cares to the
one in complete control. God told me to pray for those who despitefully
used me. In praying for
your enemies will help destroy ill- feelings that you have built up do to
misunderstandings.

Prove that your not responsible for the accuser claims. The best proof is
in the way that you live
and change. It's never good to say something that makes a situation
worse.

Saying I'm sorry can change any situation around. However, If something
was not your fault than
don't worry. The bible speaks about not accussing people of stuff, if you
have no evidence to back
up your claim. Therefore, Excuse rather than accuse. For all those who
have wrongly accused will
be held responsible for their actions. God has a way of getting into your
business, and fixing it
on your behalf. You are a survivor. Perseccussion or the effects of being
talked about,
put down, and judged or judged unfairly is tough. Still, You are a
survivor. Being talked about in negative
ways use to make me feel inadequate. I'd walk into a room and people
would look at my hair and
clothes. I felt beautiful enough sometimes. There were still those times
when I didn't fit into the scene,
and wanted to just dissappear. The toughest times where the ones when
I was judged for my past.
You didn't even have to mention my story. People had the story already
plotted out before I
entered the room or house. This use to make me sick. They weren't even
there! How did they know
what happened. Rumors and lies would flourish. She's the one going to
bed with this person.
She's the one living the wrong lifestyle. All the while fingers are pointing
at you and whispering
is gong on in your presence. You'd think the entire town of Fox ford
would shut up! Who can shut
the devils mouth, but God. Satan loves misery. Misery is company to the
enemy.
He keeps things stirred up in your life to confuse you. Still I am a
survivor1

Who would think out of all the people in the world, the church people
would be gossipers. Unfortunately, some people just have a form of
Godliness,
but no power exist. Real people of God don't perseccuted people
because of their sins, rather
they encourage praying for sinners and intercede for them. People from
my past may look
at me and wonder how this drastic change came over me. I often smile,
as they are starring
at me or asking questions. Do you remember when you done this? Is this
really you?
They tell me stories about how I use to be or what I use to do. They are
surprised by the changes in
my life. Sometimes, I will respond to people this way. "God changed me!"
I am just a sinner saved
by grace. A former man or woman of God should have been used this
concept of interceding
and been more concerned about me coming out of sin, as opposed to
judging me for my sin.
During that particular time, I felt the effect of persecussion and
dissappointment of losing trust
in people whom call themselves saved folk. Still, I am a survivor.

We all have faults and flaws. There is no significance in who you think
you are. Without God you can
do absolutely nothing. You are nothing without him. Besides, There is
only one judge. He alone
judges and sees everything we say and do. My current Pastor couldn't
have put it more plainer than
a sermon she preached one Sunday. "It's an open scandle before God!"
she's a powerful woman of God.
In all reality, People are going to persecute others, especiallly if you are
a Christian. Just know that
all people have differences and have all sinned. We have all fallen short
of the Glory of God. Despite our
ups and downs, or our constant persuccussions, we still must stay in the
race. It's not given to the swift
or the strong. It given to the person that holds on. You are a survivor.

Therefore, Persuccussion may come against you even when you are
doing what's right.
Its apart of life. God knows what you are doing above everyone.People
may set standards for ways
they think things oughta be, but God is the standard maker. You can't
measure up to what people
 want, no matter how hard you try. Measure up to God's standards by
obeying his commands.
God will take care of your enemies and persecuttors! You are a survivor.

Pain of being criticized and bullied causes you to believe that know one
understands. Does anyone
in my life understand? God knows all things! He understands well. He
had to face his enemies
too. Jesus suffered at the hands of unbelievers, doubters and haters of
God. He overcame all
the name calling, beatings and bullying. How did he do this He was
Jesus! Some people may say
this. Let me remind you that he was still in the flesh. Jesus felt
everything, including the nails that
they beat into his hands. So if you hear someone say that God can feel
your pain, they are telling
the truth. Jesus is a survivor!

Jesus will help you survive what you are facing too. Just know that he
won't give you more than
you can handle. Now you are saying that you have had all that you can
handle. Have you ever
seen a parent give their infant child three thousand dollars and tell that
child to handle the money
wisely? Therefore God knows what you need or can handle, just like a
parent. If you have had all
that you can handle, put the situation in God's care. When you get to
this point give it over to God
and allow him to handle it for you. "The situation still looks dim and
there is no relief or peace.
" It may look the same for a while, but God has a time for everything
under the sun.

You are under the sun if your alive on planet earth. He knows when to
tell the enemy to "STOP!"
I am reminded of a story in the bible of some kids making fun of an old
man. They were just
children, but they were being used by Satan. God won't tolerate
nonsense whether you are young
or old. Those kids kept on bullying this old man and called him Bald
head, Bald head!
He wasn't afraid of them. Instead, he used the word of God on them.
He didn't use his fists.
Do you know what happened to those children? God killed everyone of
them. He did not spare one!
This is the example we should follow when we are treating others
unkind. You can't keep messing
with a child of God and think you will escape. God sees all bullies, and
he has a place for them.
Don't fall in this category. You are a survivor!

If God allows something in your life to happen it is for a certain reason.

We may not always
understand why the situatioh happened, but trust God. He knows all
things. I am a survivor.

Guilt is a very critical feeling about something that you have done or
allowed to have happened.
Some people are guilty over things that have happened and it wasn't
their fault. Guilt causes blame,
regardless of a situation. Did I blame myself for my past mistakes. Yes,
people are to blame for
the sins that they commit. However, Some wrongdoing is not your fault.
There are times we
feel guilty about something we don't understand. Things out of our
control are misunderstood.
Why did this happen to me? Why did I let this happen? We all have
questions when dealing with
issues associated wrongdoing. When a wrong is done to us, it makes
life even harder to take.
Guilt can consume a person's life. There is a remedy to this too. Prayer
is essential to every situation
in your life. Prayer is the answer to everthing! Guilt is one of those
strong emotions. So you should talk
about your guilt with someone that you can trust. You can always talk to
God. How can I talked
to someone or something that I can't see? Do you have to see God to
believe that he exist?
Oh, ye of little faith! Where is your faith. You don't have to see
something to believe that it exist.
If you are another doubting Thomas, Keep this thought in your mind.
God's word is a present as
the book it is written in. God is his word. Therefore, If you want to see
God than read his word.
Confess why you are guilty! Was the onset of your guilt do to something
tragic in your life?
Is the guilt because of something you done? God himself knows our
human conditions. We
make mistakes. He is willing to forgive us of our mistakes and the sin if
we ask. Cast all your cares
upon him, because he cares for you. Don't let the stain of guilt stay in
your mind. Replace the pain
with positive thoughts and actions. If you are guilty over something
someone has done without your
consent or control, don't fret. We all must reap what we sow. In other
words, What you do to others
will be done unto you. This is a true fact. Perhaps not done in the
exact same manner. We shouldn't
wish harm or bad on anyone. It's not easy to not want to retaliate
against someone that has caused
you or your family pain, but it's possible. Since God can fight any
battle, He also determines the
outcome. Leave the matter in his control. Still, You are a survivor.

Shame causes you to not want to accept the wrong that you have
done or feel embarrassed
by something. People can also feel shame when they've done nothing
wrong at all. Get rid of
all shame. There is nothing in our past that won't be exposed. Why
carry a shameful load around.
God is going to uncover every hidden thing in your record or history.
Your part is simple. Ask God
to forgive you, repent and don't repeat the offense or sin.

Mistrust is painful because it tells us to never trust anyone again. Have

you ever lost trust
in someone? Have you ever lost trust in a family member or a friend?
This is a hard pill to
swallow.People misuse, manipulate, hurt and betray. It's apart of life.
Everybody is not saved.
In fact, No one is totally saved until Jesus returns. We are simply in
preparation. All must be
prepared when he arrives. Mistrust can be a defensive macanism that
keeps you from getting
harmed a second or third time. Yet, When you refuse to trust God and
others the mistrust keeps
you bond. Do you want to be bond forever? Life is meant for you to be
free and happy.
God desires your life to be filled with joy and peace. How do I start
trusting again?

You do this slowly. It's not an overnight process. Can I trust the person
or person's that destroyed
my trust in the first place. Anyone can learn how to trust somebody a
second time. The question
is not do I trust them. The question is are they worth being trusted?
Some situations require time
and proof. When you have been betrayed by folk you learn how to
watch, pray, and observe
people. This is when the word of God kicks into full gear. Prove that
which is good and acceptable
and the perfect will of God. Everybody isn't perfect! Everyone isn't
doing what is acceptable.
God will show you the difference. He know how to discern the ones
that are truthfully his. He will
tell you who to trust or to mark. Peple who sow discord in the church
and amoungst brethren are
not trustworthy, unless they change. Change can bring about true
trust. Have you changed?
Then I can trust you!

Pain of being alone and broken has been a constant struggle

because people tend to leave
you stranded. Or is this the other way around? When you've faced a
series of heartbreaks in
your life, it's easier to build up a strong wall that can barely be torn
down.
 Instead of running to people, Some of us often run away from
people. "No, I'm not going to
get too close to that one!" I'd leave you stranded before you got the
opportunity to leave me!
This was my protection barrier. Why? You feel all by yourself and
alone anyway. What does
it matter if people want to become true friends to you? They will
never get another opportunity
to dissappoint or cause me anymore pain. This leads to denial.

Suddenly, you no longer believe in anybody that will let me down.

What comes
next? Fear is one of the biggest enemy. Fear is the enemy of faith.
Without faith it is
impossible to please God. Do you want to displease God? Stay
fearful if you answered
yes. Negative things happen to good people. That is no doubt. Bad
things also happen to
bad people too. This does not mean that bad things will always
remain in your life. Life
has positive things to offer and people. God is positive. He gives life
and life is in him. Fear
causes people to think that something negative is always going to
happen.

Anxiety will set in due to fear. No one should be afraid of everything.

You need to check
yourself if you are that afraid. Fear causes separation, or splitting
off. This is a sin.
How are you going to separate yourself from others. The word of
God saids to love one another
as Christ loves. How can people love each other and never spend
anytime together?

People say they love God.He is their best friend. Some folks claim
God to be the lover of their
soul. Yet, There is a question behind this philosopy. Do you talk
and pray to God everyday?
Is he first in your life? Do you read his word? God doesn't want to
be separated from you.
He desires a relationship with us. He wants to be closely connected
with his people.
Perhaps, You are afraid of God because of your sin. He already
knows! Adam and Eve were
afraid in the garden when they sowed fig leaves together and hid
from God's presence.
Some of us in this life need to stop hiding. Stop hiding in the
garden!

I had to stop hiding from God. Otherwise, I would have never got
the help needed to
change my life. What are you hiding from? Do you think God didn't
see what you did last
 night or the day before. You are in denial if you believe this way!
Denying or Refusing to
believe in something or someone, especially in God, is wrong.
What person doesn't
believe in the person that created them? Then how did you get
here? Did you magically
appear on earth. No! You were born. I was born too! It took God to
make this happen. He
put me in my mother's womb. It was nothing that I done. The bible
saids that God knew
each of us before we were born. Can you just imagine someone
knowing that much information
about you! There are many other things that cause pain in our
lives and lead us to believe
that we can't survive or overcome our past, the present or the
future. Who knows the future,
except God anyway? Pain of feeling like you don't belong to
society or life, unloved and
unwanted and uneeded can take a toll on your emotional state of
mind. For many years, I
was plagued by all of these trying struggles of low self-esteem,
lack of hope and understanding
worthlessness, depression and misunderstanding. The list goes
on and on. Since experience
is the best teacher, experiencing God became my best
experience. I could have died out
their in the world with all of my negative ideology and anger, hurt,
bitterness, unforgiveness,
doubt, shame and grief. No one understood my grief or rage over
the things I'd gone through
in this short life. Life is short! I suffered both physical and
emotional pain because of being
a victim, and not being heard for the victimization. This was how
Satan meant to destoy me
naturally and spiritually. This victimization exposed me to things I
never would have otherwise
touched. When you are so tied up into sin you do not always care
about the things your doing.
People in sin are unconscious to the realities of abundant and
holy living. They have no conscious
to the dirt. Being uncovered and naked or exposed doesn't bother
folk in sin. There is no shame
until you wake up out of a unconscious state of mind. It all comes
down to faith, hope and love.
The greatest of these three words is Love. Lack of Love causes
people to be victimized and
to become a victim of sin. Yet, I am a survivor. How did I survive
all this stuff without losing my
mind and the life that God gave to me? Seems as if I search all
over creation. I couldn't find
anyone to furfill the void in my life. Who would make me
complete? Who would land me the
skills needed to survive this thing called life. Jesus resued me.
He threw out his lifeline of
love. Yes, He did it through my annointed Pastors. I had two
pastors in the same family line.
 He rescued me by the help of the saints of God, or in other words
my church family. He
operated through the prayers of a loving, kind, gentle and
supportive mother and step
father. He showed me that I had a family that cared. He did it
through my loving husband
and my wonderful children. These people were all apart of my
experience to survive. God
did it through love. Without love, it is impossible to please God. It
is impossible to please
others and yourself without love. God gave me some hope when I
turned to follow him.
He added a bit of faith in the mixture. I was born with a measure
of faith, anyway. We
are all born with faith. Some just choose not to use their faith. Love
covered the part of
my life that was missing or incomplete. I didn't know what love was
in sin.
There was nothing to cover me.Couldn't see my way out, but God.
He revealed something
to me. FAITH HAS EYE! I could only get through this mess by
faith. I am a survivor.

Faith gave me my sight. I started thinking clearly, and good things

began to happen in
my life. I'm not talking about material possessions. People can buy
things all day long,
if they have the money. No! I got something that will last forever. I
got my peace back.
I got my joy back. Becoming peacefull and happy are two of the
best reasons to live.
I got my power back. No longer did I fear the enemy or enemies in
my life. God is the
one that I fear. Why? Because he is in complete control. When you
understand who
is controlling this life that you live and the world itself, you become
wise. The fear of
the Lord is the beganing of wisdom and understanding. I was too
shattered to understand
why things happen to people, good or bad. I'm now aware of the
truth. What is truth?
God is the truth! Get to know him and leave the rest up to him. I'd
been naked and uncovered
for far too long. Still, I am a survivor!

People who are truthfully saved, see nakedness as God sees

nakedness. He saw it in
Adam and Eve's day, and commanded them not to eat of the tree of
knowledge. They
disobeyed, and were found uncovered.They had exposed something
that should have
remained hidden. They learned how to do wrong or sin. People pay
in many ways for their
nakedness (sin), and exposure. I'm not talking about fleshly
nakedness. When the secrets
of the heart are uncovered, alot of folks will have a rude awakening.
You shouldn't expose your
body to the devil, nor any other parts of yourself. He will kill you!
There was a time in my life when
I trusted in everything else, but God. Thinking about my first love
comes to mind.
We were just sixteen years old, and he cheated on me with some
girl.He was everything in my
world at this time. I couldn't see any flaws inside of him, yet he
literally broke
my heart. I'm glad about this experience for only one reason. He was
not meant to be what
God designed for me. I didn't really even know this guy. It was all
about my flesh feeling
good. I could have ended up with a deadly disease or dead, but
God.

God never breaks hearts. He fixes everything!! He changed a life

and made
it better, inspite of the pain. God's love also covered me when I
didn't have the
ability to cover myself. I was ripped of my dignity and respect as a
child, yet
God healed me and gave me my identy back."I am a child of God!"
To God be the Glory for the things he done for me.
Love covered the multitude of sin in my life, despite the victimization.
God
is still covering me today as I continue to do his will. I am no longer
victimized by the past, nor am I a victim of sin. Mercy and Grace
saved me,
because God said No, when Satan said destroy her. The enemy no
longer controls my life.
Till this very day, I still am a survivor!