FRUSTRATIONS OF A MUSLIM CONVERT

The miracle of the increasing number of converts is not only that people are finding the light of
Islam in an age of such darkness but that they are coming to the faith despite the actions of
some of its believers.

Introduction
Lack of Induction
Internet - The good, the bad and the dangerous!
Beware the Zealots!
Must we proceed at the pace of the most prudish?
"Muslim name" and attire
Relationship with non-Muslim parents
So-called "Islamic Causes"
Final Thoughts

Introduction
I have been a Muslim for over two years now. Whilst I am deeply satisfied with Islam on an
intellectual and theological level, much too often I have been far from happy in my
experiences with fellow Muslims on a practical level. I have faced considerable difficulties in
my attempts to develop as a Muslim. Although I have made the acquaintance of many
Muslims through various mosques I have attended, this has been overwhelmingly only on a
superficial level. I am close only to two Muslims in the city where I live. I met them
coincidentally. One is a neighbor, the other a former colleague whom I now rarely see.

Lack of Induction
Although I have a good understanding of the basic theology of Islam and Islamic history, two
years after my conversion I am to some extent still struggling with the practical daily basics.
According to a hadith,"The search for knowledge is an obligation laid on every Muslim."(Ibn
Majah, Baihaqi). A convert needs to search for more knowledge than a born Muslim who has
had a lifetime of schooling in the faith. In my personal experience, it seems that established
Muslims make at best only a token effort to assist new Muslims in fulfilling their religious
obligations.

To my profound disappointment, as far as my Islamic education is concerned, I have been left

to fend for myself. It would seem that no mosque I have visited has a systematic induction
program for new converts. The mosques in my area are all dominated by south Asian
immigrants, with a sprinkling of Africans on Fridays. They are not attuned to the needs of
indigenous converts. In fairness, I seem to be the only white person (i.e. convert) at the
mosques I attend, so they may not perceive a need. But nevertheless, I live in a major city
with a significant Muslim population and many mosques. Surely there must be somewhere
where a new Muslim adult can receive training in the practical daily basics. Surely the
established Muslim community should know where to refer the convert even if they are not
suitably geared up themselves at the local mosque.

The Catholic Church has a thorough practical and theological induction program that is actually
compulsory for people who wish to join it. The Anglican Church actively advertises its Alpha
Course to attract and teach new converts. We Muslims seem to have nothing organized.

When it comes to lack of both meaningful social welcome and organized teaching of Islam for
new Muslims, American convert, teacher and writer, Yahiha Emerick, hits the nail on the head
in his article Ten Things Every Muslim Must Do. At number six on his list, he says:

If you see any new Muslims at your Masjid (mosque), then partially "adopt" them into your
family. The convert experience is basically one of isolation and loneliness. You'd be surprised
to know that most converts are outright ignored by the people in the Masjid. Beyond a few
pleasantries and handshakes, they are usually never made to feel welcome or accepted. They
are often cut off from their non-Muslim friends and relatives so they are doubly vulnerable. A
new convert should be invited into various people's home for dinner a minimum of six times a
month. Get together with others and make sure you all put the new convert on your guest list
for any sort of gathering. Top

[To find our more about induction programs now offered in both the UK and Singapore click
here]

Internet - the good, the bad and the dangerous!

Since my conversion to Islam I have had some horrible experiences with Muslims both on the
Internet and face to face. I briefly mention these experiences here as a warning to other new
Muslims. The Internet can be a wonderful place for learning about Islam. In fact, since my
conversion, the Internet has been my primary source of materials with which to educate
myself further about Islam. There are many excellent sites, but I would caution the new
Muslim not to accept the information on all sites blindly, particularly if they have an arrogant,
strident or unpleasant tone or stray from plain facts and concentrate on controversial opinion
or on an overtly political agenda.

I would also urge new Muslims to avoid email forums or chat rooms about Islam absolutely.
There are some nasty people lurking there - self-styled pseudo scholars preaching hellfire,
doling out personal abuse and decrying sincere Muslims as non-believers. I was left utterly
demoralized at one time and very, very angry on several occasions. I have now unsubscribed
from all such forums. New Muslims should keep in mind the Hadith: "Verily, Allah is mild and
is fond of mildness, and He gives to
the mild what He does not give to the harsh." (Muslim) If a website or e-group you come
across is far removed from the above, then remove yourself from it!

There are also nice, well-meaning people who offer advice about matters of faith and practice
without being in any way qualified to do so. If they get things wrong, they could unwittingly be
leading the uninitiated astray and doing more harm than good. Be wary of accepting anything
without a quotation from the Quran or authenticated hadith to back it up.

Having said that, if it is one of the nasty brigade who has come seemingly armed with
references, firstly check the actual quotation in your Quran. Have they really only quoted what
is there or have they embellished it with their own interpretation? It happens. And, if the
quotation is genuine but sounds harsh to your ears, then use a commentary to become aware
of the context in which the verse was revealed. Read widely. For every hard-line, unpleasant
interpretation, there is usually a mild one from a serious writer or scholar. Top

Beware the Zealots!

Some real-life encounters can also be disconcerting. Whilst I have enjoyed an excellent
rapport with some converts, the proverbial "zeal of the converted" can overflow in others.
Some can turn into hard-line absolutists - a caricature of a Muslim. Also beware the political
zealots. Recently while in London I had to endure a sermon at Jumma salat (Friday afternoon
congregational prayers) held at a university in which the student acting as imam was very
obviously pushing the agenda of a radical minority political grouping and spoke at length
about whom it was our duty to kill!

Sadly far too many young Muslim men in England - the occasional convert and, particularly,
the sons of Asian immigrants - get far too worked up about this or that political agenda and
are in danger of overlooking the peaceful, spiritual core of Islam. As the writer Abdal-Hakim
Murad puts it in his excellent essay British and Muslim, unsettled, discontented second
generation Asian immigrant Muslims in Britain tend to locate their radicalism not primarily in a
spiritual, but in social and political rejection of the oppressive order around them. Their
unsettled and agitated mood is not always congenial to the recent convert, who may, despite
the cultural distance, feel more comfortable with the first rather than the second generation of
migrants, preferring their God-centered religion to what is often the troubled, identity-seeking
Islam of the young.

Amen to that! These young radicals are prone to behave in the most obnoxious and nasty
manner towards those other Muslims who do not agree with them. I would simply call the
following words from the Quran and ahadith to their attention:

"Invite to the way of your Lord with wisdom and beautiful preaching; and argue with
them in ways that are best and most gracious; for your Lord knows best who have
strayed from His Path, and who are truly guided."
Quran 16:125

"Do you know what is better than charity and fasting and prayer? It is keeping peace and good
relations between people, as quarrels and bad feelings destroy mankind."
(Muslims & Bukhari) Top

Must we proceed at the pace of the most prudish?

Whilst I have enjoyed many conversations about Islam in mixed male-female company
(including with ladies who wear hijab), a small but vociferous minority of female born Muslims
I have encountered have been very stand-offish and overly prudish. Despite the fact that the
Quran teaches us that

"The believing men and women, are associates and helpers of each other." <Quran,
Al-Taubah 9:71>

My own understanding is that what is improper is for one man and one woman to be alone
together, but there should not be a problem about other mixing provided that proper Islamic
behavior is maintained. I, a man, would never even have had the opportunity to discover
Islam in the first instance were it not for friendships with several born Muslims (three of whom
were women) prompting me to investigate the religion.

According to the prominent Sudanese Muslim scholar and leader, Dr. Hassan al-Turabi who is
widely portrayed in the west as an Islamic fundamentalist, in his seminal 1973 work On the
Position of Women in Islam and in Islamic Society'

"In the model society of Islam, Muslims used to assemble freely and frequently; they were
mostly acquainted with each other, men and women; they conversed and interacted
intensively. But all those activities, were undertaken in a spirit of innocence and in the context
of a virtuous society...Islam tolerates that one may greet women or talk to them in decent and
chaste language and with good intent. The Prophet used to do so." Top

"Muslim Name" and Attire?

Another gripe I have is the ignorance of many born Muslims about what they believe to be the
necessity for a convert to adopt a so-called Muslim name. When I took my Shahada, I was
asked not whether I wished to choose a "Muslim name" but what name I wished to adopt. Not
knowing any better at the time, I did reluctantly choose a new name, and used it briefly in
Muslim circles. However, I did not change any of my official documents. Only later did I
discover that there is, in principle, no requirement whatsoever to change one's name. The
original converts to Islam at the time of Prophet Mohammed usually kept the Arabic name
they always had. The only exceptions were people who had a name with unpleasant or pagan
connotations. So-called "Muslim names" are, in the main, simply Arabic ones or traditional
names from countries that were early adopters of Islam. There is no requirement for a new
Muslim to adopt one of these.
While I respect (though do not necessarily agree with) the choice of those Muslim converts
who have adopted a new name, I expect all Muslims to respect the right of other converts
such as myself to retain their original name. I generally now use my "real" name, not the
"Muslim name" that was initially thrust upon me. Sadly I have come under pressure from
some ignorant born Muslims on this matter.

To be frank, I feel that adopting a "Muslim name", makes it easier for one's existing circle of
family and friends to dismiss one's conversion to Islam as an act of eccentricity which they can
brush off. By changing one's name and starting to wear, say, Pakistani clothing, one confirms
in their minds the foreignness or alien nature of what is supposed to be universal Islam. I
believe that these actions, or dare I say distractions, make it harder for most people from
non-Muslim countries to identify with Islam, the welcoming and inclusive universal religion
open to all, and see how it could be relevant to their own lives.

The spiritually motivated western convert to Islam, whose Islam is centered on God not
agitation, has a golden opportunity to depoliticize the widespread negative western perception
of Islam and to diminish the impression that Islam is for strange, backward, sometimes
frightening foreigners - Arabs and Asians - but not for westerners. In my view, this
opportunity is thrown away or at the very least is hobbled by self-inflicted damage when a
western convert unnecessarily adopts a foreign name and clothing, thus only reinforcing the
preconceived notions and prejudices that non-Muslim fellow westerners tend to hold about
Islam. Top

Relationship with non-Muslim parents

Again with regard to the issue of a "Muslim name" and similar matters, I think it is also
important to bear in mind here the teaching of Islam with regard to one's duty to family,
particularly one's parents even if they are themselves non-Muslims.

Your Lord had decreed that you worship none but Him, and that you are kind to
parents whether one or both of them attain old age in your lifetime. Say not to them
a word of contempt or repel them but address them in terms of honor and out of
kindness lower to them the wing of humility and say: "My Lord, bestow on them your
mercy, even as they cherished me in childhood".
(Quran 17:23-24)

Indeed there was an occasion when Prophet Mohammed (pbuh) commanded a believer to care
for his non-Muslim parents rather than participate in Jihad (holy war).

Abdullah ibn Omar relates: "Once a person came to the Messenger of Allah and expressed his
desire to participate in jihad in order to please Allah. The Holy Prophet asked him "Are your
parents alive?" The man said "Yes. Both are alive". The Holy Prophet said 'Then go and serve
them well".
(Bukhari and Muslim).

I felt that it was important that my parents who are both practicing Catholics should realize
that I was not rejecting them, my upbringing or most of the things they held dear. It was
simply that I had come to a new understanding of theology. Rejecting the name they had
given me could really have been interpreted as being quite insulting to them, which in itself
would be contrary to Islam. I am thinking here of the following ahadith:

"He, who wishes to enter paradise at the best gate, must please
his father and mother."
(Bukhari & Muslim)
In my case, I felt that abandoning for no good reason the very name given me by my loving
parents would have been straining the ties of relationship, creating displeasure and certainly
not indicative of showing kindness to or taking friendly care of my mother and father. Top

So-called "Islamic Causes"

When I, a westerner and a former practicing Christian, became a Muslim, I became just that -
a Muslim, a believer in the religion of Islam, i.e. someone who believes in the oneness of God
as opposed to the concept of Trinity and who accepts Mohammed (pbuh) as a prophet of God.
I'm the same person with the same name, wearing the same western style of clothing (though
now respecting the modest dress code of Islam) and eating the same style of food (though
now making sure that my meat is halal). I have not rejected my country, its culture or
tradition. I simply now hold different theological beliefs.

Final Thoughts
Based on my personal experience, my advice either to new Muslims or anyone considering the
possibility of accepting Islam would be simply to judge a religion not by its adherents, many of
whom may fall far short of the ideal in a variety of ways (and I include myself in that!), but
rather by the theology and teachings of the religion itself. To be honest, I remain in Islam very
much in spite of and not because of my experiences with Muslims. Only a handful have been
of any help to me and quite a few hard-line politicos and joyless, uptight puritans have been a
real hindrance. However, despite my great disappointment at both the lack of organized
support available to new Muslims and the widespread politically focused rather than God-
centered Islam so prevalent today, plus my intense dislike of the nasty behavior and attitudes
of some of the Muslims I have encountered in person and online, I have most definitely found
in the religion of Islam an intellectual and theological satisfaction that I never knew in
Christianity. And at the end of the day, one's beliefs about God are what truly matters.

Allahu a`lam. God knows best.