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The Fourteen Love Relationships of the Awansa-Ta'pish As taught by Phoenix Psyche Eagleshadow The a'ukota pash'ele, love relationships

between human beings, are the most important lessons taught in the Awansa village. Elders take great care to ensure that young people learn them well and never forget. Usually taking a week or more, day and night, the fourteen love relationships are explained and examined by both the student and the teacher. I learned the a'ukota pash'ele from the elder White Water. For six days and nights he pointed at people and said what relationship, or relationships, they shared. I asked questions about each relationship in an effort to more fully understand what each entailed. Before moving from one to another, he would test my understanding by asking me to describe the relationship back to him. The lessons went on into the night. When people went into their lodges, we would follow and watch the interactions. Some nights he would tell me stories about the relationships, to deepen my understanding of them. Although I am surrounded by a different culture, I still see the fourteen love relationships. Unfortunately, there is only one word in English that is as strong, as meaningful, and as powerful as the word love, and that is "love." Coming from a culture with fourteen love relationships, and seventy two words for loveeach with their own powerthe use of one single word in their place is thoroughly dissatisfying. The a'ukota pash'ele help my people understand love and humanity, and they give us the words to bring meaning to the complex interactions between humans. Their lasting lessons have helped me to be a compassionate human being, and they have brought an ancient and lasting clarity into my view of other people. By seeing the many ways possible to love, we each can choose to love in the ways that make us the most fulfilled. We can also pursue greater spiritual and emotional connections with those around us, by altering, expanding or altogether changing which relationships we choose to engage in. It is a choice of love when we choose to nurture and cultivate our relationships with others. It is also a choice of love to change the nature of our relationships or end them altogether. My past efforts to teach the fourteen love relationships by translation have never been successful. Some words do not have a comparable English equivalent, while others, when translated directly, lose too great a measure of meaning to be useful. For example, Hava nenkata can be directly translated as "teacher" or "master." Unfortunately, both words fall short of the true meaning. The word "teacher" has a role, a connotation within American culture that implies many aspects about a Hava nenkata relationship that are not true. I asked my sister-in-law what a teacher relationship would be. She replied with descriptions of various teachers she had known, some good, some mean, some boring with monotone voices, or particular favorites that made her smile to remember. When I use the word "teacher" it is not to give you details, but rather to imply a relationship with which you are already familiar. It is the concept or idea of a teacher figure, one with whom you had a positive, nurturing experience that best reflects the true meaning of a Hava nenkata. To understand the a'ukota pash'ele is to understand human beings, because humans are social creatures; they survive alone, but they only thrive when together. The fourteen love relationships range from most common to rare. Most of our day-to-day experience with the a'ukota pash'ele involve relationships that are considered either most common (siian qii), or usual (yylaan tye). Within the Awansa village the rarer a relationship the

more public and family honor is reflected. Although each relationship is sacred and highly valued, relationships with greater spiritual significance are generally given more respect. Each of the relationships have levels all their own. A Hava nenkata can be someone that you learn a skill with for a short but invaluable period of time, someone you apprentice with for 15 years, or someone who is your master for the rest of your life. This is true for all the relationships, and the way one can distinguish the nature of a relationship is to understand them all, the expectations, responsibilities, and the emotional connection each of them requires to truly be the relationship you share. All the relationships are shared, including Yalii Kiashalo (which will be explained in greater detail below). Because of the way Awansa refer to each other and introduce each other, the confusion of which relationship you have with who is alleviated. You would only introduce a friend as Lakota if you knew for a fact that the feeling was mutual. By having a socially understood conception of relationships (expectations, responsibilities, and so forth), misunderstandings, as they so often happen in contemporary American society, are avoided. As to the issue of gender, it is important to understand that there are 5 genders: Children, Women, Lodge Men, Lodge Women, and Men. These are gender roles and they reflect which responsibilities an individual is expected to fulfill within the community. Child is the only gender assigned when a baby is born. If children successfully complete the Walk Ceremony, the Awansa rite of passage, they can then choose which gender role they wish to fulfill. Once chosen, it is the gender they will have for the rest of their life. Which role a person chooses has nothing to do with their sex. In fact, for the most part, the sex of an individual is ignored. It is not uncommon for a child to be unaware of the sex of their parents, a fact that was always of great amusement to visitors of our village. Growing up in the Awansa village I learned about the gender roles by observing my family and the people in my village. They are not formally taught, although rituals and ceremonies specific to specific genders are considered part of the advantages of having that gender. Participating in the Womens ceremonies or Mens ceremonies is only by adults of that gender role, children have separate ceremonies they attend. Lodge Woman and Lodge Man are the third and fourth genders in the Tapish culture. They merge the roles of man and woman within society in a unique and useful way, in relation to the lodge (home). A lodge woman is a person who performs the role of a woman inside the lodge and the role of a man outside. A lodge man is the opposite, performing the duties of a man inside the lodge, and those of a woman outside. There is only a vague kind of equivalent in the American notion of "who wears the pants" in the household. The lodge is defined as larger than the boundaries of the living area, it includes family and close friends, while outside the lodge includes the greater public and strangers. There is a story about the Cloud People that explains how the third and fourth genders were created. A human woman fell in love with a Cloud Man. Their love was so great, that together they were a whole human being. But the distance between them was so far that it split their souls in two, into man and woman halves. The halves joined and became the first lodge woman and first lodge man. The second part of understanding the unique relationship between gender and sex among my people is to understand that gender doesnt affect the love relationships. A member of any gender can have any of the love relationships with any other gender, with the exception of certain types of relationships with children. It is generally understood, and enforced, that a child cannot have a sexual relationship with anyone except another child.

The connection between relationships and responsibilities is exceptionally strong. All of the relationships were created at one point in our history. They were either given to us by a Creator being or by a Clan. Almost all of the relationships are related to one of the three castes: Teacher & Crafts, Healer & Spiritualist, or Warrior & Diplomat. Each of the descriptions of the relationships not only helps someone identify them in others, but also to help someone identify them in themselves. Qualities like loyalty and honesty are not only identifying features of the Lakota relationship, for example, but they are also responsibilities each person in that relationship is expected to have and exhibit towards the other. When these qualities are found to be lacking in a long-standing relationship, it is often an indication that the relationship needs to change, or that one or both of the people in the relationship are no longer willing to have the affiliated responsibilities involved in that relationship. It is as much an act of love to change or end a love relationship as begin one; wisdom teaches us this, and experience proves it. Siian qi Siian qi, or those which are most commonly seen, are the relationships that one would expect to see every day in any Tapish village, as well as in most other cultures. They are also the relationships that would be most numerous in a persons life; one would expect to have more family or friends than some of the deeper spiritual relationships like Sashne or Yalii Kiashalo. The most common relationships are Lakota, Ejek'we, Kiita massen and Senewaoka. Lakota means friend. Lakota is a borrowed word from the Lakota people who possess strong friendships and a mighty warrior caste. Lakota means friend of the people (referring to the Dakota as the people). Shael lye was a part of the warrior dialect less than 4,000 years ago, used to denote the relationship between warriors fighting together in battle, but the borrowed word Lakota was adopted around 1889 because of the Plains influence that entered the village at that time. The American understanding of friend is similar to the Awansa meaning. The idea of Lakota is that our friends define who we are in many ways that family cannot. We choose our friends, and unless we are adopted, we do not choose our family. Our friends reflect what we need, what we want, and who we want to be. They are warriors against our sadness and loneliness; they are the champions of our honor. They ensure that when we face the world, we do not face it alone. The leading characteristics of a Lakota relationship are loyalty, reliability, nurturing and honesty. A Lakota is someone with which you work, pray, learn, play, lodge, and in some cases, sleep with. The distinction between this relationship and Senewaoka is one of vested interest. Those who share a Lakota relationship give for the sake of giving. Lakota want for each other to have the most fulfilling life possible, and they are willing to give of themselves to make it come about. The duration of the Lakota relationship can be as short as a season, or as long as a lifetime. Having its origins in the warrior caste, it is a relationship of mutual strength and affection, each helps the other be strong and endure all lifes challenges. Good examples of this relationship in American culture would be police, firefighters, soldiers, or cowboys. Ejek'we is family, literally of many children, eje is the word for child. The term ejek'we is used to denote biological family, adopted family, extended family, close family friends, and in certain cases the whole village (denoted: ejek'we'e or ejek'we'en). Family by adoption, in the

Awansa culture is just as important, valuable, and essentially "family" as birth family and blood relatives. So, too, are friends and close family friends; sometimes they are even more important. Ejek'we is a love relationship that identifies those who take part in the raising of children, the relationships between children and adults (parents, aunts and uncles, grandparents), and the nurture and support of adults for each other (brothers, sisters, and cousins). Trust, compassion, acceptance, and responsibility are all essential to the meaning of ejek'we. The idea that a family that is nurturing is an organism that survives and thrives together runs deep in the Awansa people. When one member of the family receives honor, all members receive praise for it. Similarly, when one member does something disgraceful or shameful, all those who raised him or her are disgraced or shamed. All people you call ejek'we are people who never seek to do you harm. This marks the difference between ejek'we and oyatii, (also oyasiin, the descriptive word for group or family). Oyatii can include ejek'we, but ejek'we refers to the spiritual and emotional love relationship of family. Oyatii is family by fate, the family you are born into, or whose destinies cross, but Ejekwe is family by choice, and most notably family by love. Kiita massen means literally one who holds the body of desire. It is a many-layered relationship that spans a variety of desires. It is roughly equivalent to the concept of lover. Kiita massen is a purely sensual and often sexual relationship that occurs between people of any gender who have reached puberty. Unlike the idea of a one-night stand (see Senewaoka), it is a relationship that usually lasts from one season to three years. On a deeper level, the kiita massen relationship is more akin to the ancient Eastern concept of consort. A kiita massen relationship on the most simplified level reflects the need for the satisfaction of fundamental sexual desires. Married persons are allowed to have kiita massen relationships only after the first child is born. However, unlike the jiian kii relationship (described later), its purpose is to satisfy only the physical sexual needs, and over a relatively short period of time. Married people rarely have a kiita massen for more than a year as it has neither the spiritual nor emotional depth of the jiian kii (companion relationship). To further demonstrate its impermanence, the custom of one lover leaving before dawn breaks is still common practice. The ancient (and now outdated) practice of kiita massen used to require that all sex acts be conducted outside of a lodge; a way of representing the natural but fleeting spirit of the relationship. It is not expected that this relationship would result in marriage or the conception of children. A deeper version of the kiita massen can apply to those who share a common passion, unrelated (or not necessarily related) to sex. It is not uncommon for kiita massen to share a common passion for the arts, for a craft, music, food, dance, the healing, teaching or warrior paths. The passion not only is shared between them for the thing, but for each other in the practice or appreciation of the thing. For example, my cousins Hugs His Brothers and Cloud Flyers share the common passion of weaving, however one makes the thread and the other weaves it into a blanket. It is not just the shared passion for weaving but the shared practice of the art as well that defines this kind of Kiita massen relationship. In American culture, I have seen good examples of this relationship reflected in musicians that play together or figure skating couples. Senewaoka, one who is met, reflects the relationship of an acquaintance. It is a word that has many shades of meaning. It can be used to denote a one-night stand, or short fling. It can

include people with whom one is friendly, but not considered friends. For adults it is those people with whom they work, and for children, it is those with whom they play (that are not friends or family) that are senewaoka. A person with whom you pray or perform a public ceremony, without any other relation, is also considered senewaoka. It is often an impermanent relationship based on location, livelihood, convenience and other such circumstances. It is the least strong, both spiritually and socially, of all the love relationships. Its long time significance has been as a station between meeting someone and pursuing a deeper relationship. The defining feature of this relationship is the potential to be more. This relationship is the beginning of a deeper love relationship, even if it never comes to pass (due to circumstances or time). Yylaan tye The usual relationships consist of wenket (wenketzii, wenke, na wenke, siiwake), jiian kii, upanit taapshin and hava nenkata. Wenketzii (wife), wenke (husband), na wenke (lodge woman or lodge man, to denote husbanded one or wifed one) and siiwake (child to denote partner) all mean life partner. As you can see, this word is gender specific, and implies a slightly different meaning depending on who is involved in the relationship. Wenket, life partners, is most commonly used to refer to people who are married. It is also used for people who live together but never go through the marriage ceremony, which may occur for different reasons. In this case, the "life partner" relationship can function as a jiian kii relationship (see below) for those who are unmarried. Siiwake can be used to identify unique relationships between children. For children a best friend could be considered a siiwake. In the adult relationship it is generally expected that those who are married will raise children together. In Ta'pish villages, marriages are usually arranged for the good of the village. People are married who would create or raise the best children. These arrangements are never forced. A marriage requires both parties consent. The raising of children as life partners is considered an honorable act of love. It reflects strong humanity, dedication, and a commitment to the future. Being Wenket involves variable responsibilities for each person depending on gender, resources, and position in the village. People of any gender can marry people of any other gender (including their own). The kind of Wenket relationship two husbands would have to each other would be different from those of two wives, or, as one would expect, between a wife and a husband. (Described in greater detail in the paper Village Roles and Gender Responsibilities.) The relationship between children in this relationship is also substantially different, due to maturity, lack of resources, and lack of position. Jiian kii means companion. After a married woman (or the oldest partner) has her first child, she then has the right to choose a companion. Once the woman (or oldest partner) either chooses or declines to chose a companion, her partner is then able to choose one for his or herself. No single person is allowed more than three companions in any given season. Those asked to be jiian kii can either accept or decline the offer. A man is required to support any women companions he may choose as well as her children; however, if his partner chooses a woman as a companion, he does not have the same obligation. A companion is the person you choose to love. Although some people do marry for love, many marry out of duty. The jiian kii relationship allows for the discovery and expression of

love apart from marriage without having to worry about a support structure for the raising of children. It allows for the emotional, sexual, and spiritual flexibility necessary to maintain happy marriages. These relationships sometimes result in children, which are raised by the parents, the married couple, or all of the above. Unlike the kiita massen relationship, jiian kii relationships tend to last from five to twenty years, (and sometimes more). The next two relationships are deeply intertwined. You cannot have one without the other, as they are each others complements. If a person is Upanit taapshin, then the other is Hava nenkata. This does not imply that they cannot both be Upanit taapshin to each other, and Hava nenkata (for that matter), but that instance is rather rare. Upanit taapshin roughly means "apprentice. It is similar to an apprentice relationship, involving a learner, but the person from whom the learner is gaining knowledge need not be a teacher. It is a love relationship as much as a working one, unlike the usual definition. It often occurs between people of the same gender, and with people of the same societal role, but not always. It is most often a non-sexual relationship, but even so it is one that children rarely take part in with adults. Upanit taapshin is not just about being a student, however, because this relationship has a spiritual aspect, as well as being a love relationship. The defining qualities of an upanit taapshin are dedication, a willingness/openness to learn, deep respect or reverence, and a shared common goal. In this way, the term apprentice or disciple is more appropriate than student. An Upanit taapshin is a committed apprentice, usually for life, or at least for a significant period of time. For this reason, it is not expected that a child would be able to commit to anything for the rest of their life until they have become an adult. Upanit taapshin can be for religious positions, such as the Medicine Singer, or for societal positions, like Warriors. They are most commonly seen among the craft societies; because these require a commitment to learning the art that they will carry with them all their lives (it is in this place only that you may see children with adults in this relationship). An upanit taapshin is as much a commitment to the craft as to making the craft their life. If a person decides that bowl making is their lives work, than they would find a Hava nenkata to take them on in order to learn how to make them. Only in rare circumstances will an Upanit taapshin have more than one Hava nenkata. If they do, it is usually clearly understood which one is primary and which is secondary. You often see these types of relationships among orders of nun or monks in other cultures, or among traditional crafts-persons. Hava nenkata roughly means "teacher" or "master" (in the religious tradition guru or in the warrior tradition "sensei" of sifu would be appropriate equivalent terms). It is similar to a teacher, but not one in school. He or she would be more like the person who taught you the skills that helped you understand life, or helped you discover your purpose in life. They may be of the same gender, but need not be. There are, however, certain cultural factors that may sometimes restrict the learning/teaching due to gender or age. A Hava nenkata will usually be more experienced, but that does not imply advanced age. It is usually a non-sexual relationship, but need not be. It is the compliment to the Upanit taapshin relationship. The Hava nenkata is the giver of knowledge and skill, but most importantly the teacher of wisdom. Their responsibility to the success and accomplishment of their student(s) is great. Their merit as a teacher, a craft person, or a leader, is represented in the abilities of their students. A

Hava nenkata has the choice to turn down an apprentice, and there are often more apprentices than teachers (as one teacher may have more than one apprentice). Ma'el qi The uncommon relationships include ku'tai, xa a'tu vanat'(tchk)le, and shashi oekeaoa. Ku'tai traditionally meant restraint but is more commonly understood today as comfort (which is by far the more leading characteristic of this relationship). It is a spiritual relationship that involves two people who give each other comfort, guidance, healing and support. They sleep together, but never have sex. The idea behind the ku'tai relationship is to show that human beings can love without sexual desire, that they can still be intimate in heart, mind, and spirit without indulging the body. Because Kutai relationships are a serious commitment to spiritual growth, they are often long-term relationships. It is usually the responsibility of the Medicine Singer to ensure that both people are growing in a positive direction, and to challenge their relationship in order to make it stronger. A ku'tai relationship can be between two people of any gender or age. They sometimes live together, but more commonly they are married or Wenket to someone else. This relationship does not imply that the people involved cannot have sex with others, but as the defining characteristic, sex is not a part of their relationship together. It does not restrict physical comforts, however, as comfort is the defining feature of this relationship, but it is sensuality without sexuality. Those who share this relationship have a lasting respect and admiration for each other, and often share an equally powerful respect, love and admiration for spirit/spirituality. However, there is immediacy to the intimacy they share. They are people who do not enjoy being away from each other, and they will often live near each other, work together, or travel together to avoid being apart. (Reference Raven's story of Ku'tai) Xa a'tu vanat'(tchk)le means "soul mate, involving both marriage and companionship. It is also called a marriage of love. It is a marriage that not only satisfies the needs of the village and the wishes of the parents, but the two people involved love each other and never take companions. They are the companions and partners of each other. Sometimes these relationships do not have the full support of all the villagers, and sometimes the parents may not be satisfied by the match. Usually an elder or spiritual person will argue for the couple and it will be allowed by the parents and respected by the disagreeing villagers. As the xa a'tu vanat'(tchk)le is often considered to be a spiritual relationship as much as a physical and emotional one, these are souls that have known each other in previous incarnations and are intended to find, love, and learn from each other. The idea that two people are "destined to be together" or the experience of falling in "love at first sight" find themselves a home in this relationship. (Reference Beaver story of Xa a'tu vanat'(tchk)le) Shashi oenkeaoa literally means "spirit walker. This is a spiritual relationship between human beings, and in rare but not unheard of cases, can be a relationship between a human being and a spirit. Not easy to explain, shashi oenkeaoa is two people whose spirits walk together. They not only physically walk with each other when they are together, but their spirits walk together when they are not. There are many stories of people who when in danger will hear the voice of their shashi oenkeaoa warning them to steer clear, or when one of the people is in danger the other will get a strong feeling of urgency. There are stories where one will get lost and the other will

be able to find them, or when one is in pain, the other can feel it. When one of a pair of shashi oenkeaoan (plural) dies, the relationship continues. Until both are dead, they are destined to walk together. It can be understood to be a psychic relationship, but also it is understood that the power of this relationship is in the fact that this is the only time these souls will meet (they only get this one lifetime to be together). When a spirit is involved, it is the equivalent of an "imaginary friend. However, unlike in the American culture, in the village we often foster such relationships as they are believe to be with spirits and not with some figment of the imagination. So there are adults with "imaginary friends" too. They are spiritual helpers and guides, but they come in the shape of human beings, unlike animal or elemental spirits. Their voices, songs, and chants can be heard in a human voice, and usually there is a strong feeling of the spirit being human. Shashi oenkeaoan usually find each other without any help, but may sometimes be brought together by a medicine person. This relationship is akin to the emotional, spiritual, and psychic relationship between biological twins, without being biologically related. Nye'e The rare relationships include sashne, kote a'tu, and yalii kiashalo. Sashne is the Awansa word for both angel and demon. The sashne relationship is based on stories about creatures that were both exceedingly good and exceptionally evil. The stories were often about people who were incapable of living as human beings, usually due to some emotional failing. Some of the stories suggest that sashne'en (plural of sashne) are human beings that were born with no heart, or two hearts, or that they are messengers or minions of powerful spirits. There are other stories that say that in their last lives they were human beings who loved too much. As you can image from the variety of stories and contrasts, the people involved in a sashne relationship tend to have tension between them and powerful attitude conflicts. Sashneen tend to be platonic in nature, and can be between any genders. The people involved will usually feel inexplicably drawn to each other despite differences and attitudes. They often find each other both challenging and amusing. When they first meet, it is said they both have a feeling of having known each other for a long time. There are stories that they may have known each other in previous lives, that they were spirits together, or that they were formed from the same place on the earth or in the sky. Some of the examples of this would be old couples (married or really good friends) who constantly argue with each other but they also spend all their time together and couldnt imagine being apart. They often are annoyed by each other and may even say they hate each other, but the truth is that they love very deeply. Kote a'tu literally means complete soul. This is a highly spiritual relationship that can include marriage, but need not. It can be between two people who are married to two other people, but it is different than the (Jiian kii) companion relationship, as it is spiritual in nature. It can be between an elder and a child, people of any gender and any age. Although there are a number of stories of these people finding each other, often it is a spiritual leader, such as the mistress of ceremony or the medicine singer that brings them together. It is difficult to explain the depth of this relationship because of its spiritual nature. Basically it involves two people whose spirits together form a perfect human being--hard to explain, but easy to show. The most obvious examples that I can offer are actors. Surely you've seen a pair of actors that works so well together they act as one; with immaculate timing, speech, and manner they play off each other so perfectly if forms sheer magic, for example, George and Gracey, Katherine Hepburn and Spencer

Tracy. They are better than friends, similar to family, and unlike sashne, they challenge each other without the need for constant conflict. It is a relationship that fosters great personal growth and spiritual enrichment. Most notably their weaknesses and strengths balance each other out. Although it is commonly a non-sexual relationship, it is highly recommended, if possible, that such people have children together. Yalii kiashalo is an interesting twist on the complete soul relationship of the kote a'tu. This is the only solitary love relationship that is taught. It is like the complete soul relationship in that it is a highly spiritual relationship, but it is love for one's own self and the whole world rather than to a spirit, or a human. A yalii kiashalo is a person who is so comfortable within themselves that no tragedy can change their complete contentment with the world. It is an amazing thing to witness. This person will show the full range of emotions of any other human being, but underlying it all is a surety, security and self-reassurance that is rare and unusual in single human beings. This person will often be social, though not necessarily verbal. This is a self-love relationship. But what is more, it is a world-loving, people-loving, nature-loving relationship. This person always appreciates what can be appreciated, and they feel there is always something that can be appreciated in any situation. They are often great lesson teachers, and they tend to have insights, valuable advice, and reassuring words for everyone and everything. Yalii kiashalo do not tend to be very spiritually accomplished, but they are so good with people, animals, and the world that they know and understand other people's moods, animal behavior, and the direction of the world with natural compassionate hearts. These people make great counselors and invaluable elders. They rarely get married, and almost never have children of their own, although they will often adopt. These are the fourteen love relationships, the a'ukota pash'ele. If you understand these, you understand your fellow human beings, you understand yourself, and you understand the differences between us are not so great as to stand in the way of love. If you are fortunate, you will encounter all these relationships in your life. Some you will notice right away, while others you may have to search for, but they are all there and each holds many lessons about being human. Each relationship has its stories, and each has its place. It is possible to experience all of them in one lifetime, which is considered a kind of enlightenment. It is also possible, and usual, to have more than one kind of love relationship with the same person; often you have three or four. To know someone your whole life, or to share you life with someone, it is said to usually involve at least six of the love relationships. The Awansa are people who care a lot about love, about relations between people, the interconnectedness of all things, especially other living beings. Our relationships are all spiritual, though some are especially so. The reason the language we use is so particular to someone's relationship to someone else is that we wish to fully honor both the people in the relationship and the relationships themselves. There is no center circle in our culture. In order to discover what relationship, or relationships a person values, you need only listen to how they describe them, and what they call them. Although some relationships are honored for their rarity, usually because of spiritual value, in public or in family, it is not true that each person places the same values on each relationship. In American culture, the family usually comes first, then extended family and then friends on outward. However, in the Ta'pish village, each person sees their relationships starting with those who have brought them to where they are, to those who have raised them and cared for them,

nurtured them to grow and challenged them to thrive. It expands then to include those who are with them, family, fellow villagers, and so forth, including those who will take them into tomorrow. There is no standard value attached to any of them. Starting with themselves, each person goes not out in a circle, but attaches a thread, like a spider's silk, and connects each person through numerous kinds of relationships to themselves and to each other. They do not sit in the middle, they are not the center, they are free to wander, making connections where they go. Each person connects themselves to others with the relationship names they use, and by the love and respect they show to the people around them. They value them, and show they value them by speaking their relationship names in public. In Awansa there is no such thing as telling someone I love you (not as such). In order to communicate accurately the depth and meaningfulness of your love, you call them by their relationship name. If kiita massen, you say kiita massen and it means, I love you in just this way, as wonderful and beautiful as all that is kiita massen. Just as you might call your father dad instead of father, to demonstrate the warmth and depth of your relationship to other people. And so it is with all the love relationships. In this act you declare your relationship, your feeling for them, and the value you put on them and your relationship. When you address someone by their love relationship to you, it is not uncommon to compound the word names. For example, when a lover is also a friend, lakota and kiita massen become kiitakota mass. But sometimes it serves better for the listener to say each relationship word individually, particularly when you have four or more relationships with the same person. My bother and his wife are to each other, lakota'a (plural of lakota), ejek'we, wenket (husband & wife) and jiian ki (plural of jiian kii). The order in which the relationships are listed is also telling, and changes depending on the context and who is listening. Each relationship carries a certain level of status and honor in public and family circles. As demonstrated above, you can pluralize some of the words, lakota'a, shashi oenkeaoan, and sashne'en, for example. Ejekwe, however is both singular and plural, yalii kiashalo can only be singular, and kote a'tu implies two people as one. You never stop learning about love relationships, nor should you. They are intricate, delicate, diverse, and constantly changing and evolving. That is a part of their joy and a part of their challenge. But they are worth studying, practicing, and worth knowing well. Awansa elders dedicate much time and energy in teaching the a'ukota pash'ele because it is thought that it is only by experiencing the love relationships that you can become a complete human being and fulfill your purpose.

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