RELATIONSHIP DESTINY: THE PLACE TO SHARE AND CARE How To Make Love All The Time, Dr Barbara DeAngelis

Success is worthless if we don't have someone to share it with; indeed, our most desired human emotion is that of connection with other souls. There are six key points that impact of relationships on shaping character, values, beliefs, and the quality of our lives.
Make your relationship a role model one that's legendary!

If you don't know the values and rules of the people with whom you share a relationship, you should prepare for pain . People can love each other, but if for whatever reason they consistently break the rules of someone they care about, there are going to be upsets and stress in this relationship. Remember, every upset you've ever had with another human being has been a rules upset, and when people become intimately involved, it's inevitable that some of their rules will clash.

Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something: they're trying to find someone who's going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take . Like anything else in life, in order for a relationship to be nurtured, there are certain things to look forand to look out for. There are certain warning signals within your relationship that can flag you that you need to tackle a problem immediately before it gets out of hand. By identifies four pernicious phases that can kill a relationship ; we can immediately intervene and eliminate problems before they balloon into destructive patterns that threaten the relationship itself.
Stage 01: Resistance Stage 02: Resentment Stage 03: Rejection Stage 04: Repression

Stage One, Resistance: The first phase of challenges in a relationship is when you begin to feel resistance. Virtually anyone who's ever been in a relationship has had times when they felt resistance toward something their partner said or did. Resistance occurs when you take exception or feel annoyed or a bit separate from this person. Maybe at a party they tell a joke that bothers you and you wish they hadn't. The challenge, of course, is that most peop le don't communicate when they're feeling a sense of resistance, and as a result, this emotion con tinues to grow until it becomes... Stage Two, Resentment: If resistance is not handled, it grows into resentment. Now you're not just annoyed; you're angry with your partner. You begin to separate yourself from them and erect an emotional barrier. Resentment destroys the emotion of intimacy, and this is a destructive pattern within a relationship that, if unchecked, will only gain speed. If it is not transfor med or communicated, it turns into... Stage Three, Rejection: This is the point when you have so much resentment built up that you find yourself looking for ways to make your partner wrong, to verbally or nonverbally attack them. In this phase, you begin to see everything they do as irritating or annoying. It's here that not only emotional separation occurs, but also physical separation as well. If rejection is allowed to continue, to lessen our pain, we move to... Stage Four, Repression: When you are tired of coping with the anger that comes with the rejection phase, you try to reduce your pain by creating emotional numbness. You avoid feeling any pain, but you also avoid passion and excitement. This is the most dangerous phase of a relationship because this is the point at which lovers become roommates no one else knows the couple has any problems because they never fight, but there's no relationship left.

What's the key to preventing these "Four R's"? The answer is simple: communicate clearly up front. Make sure your rules are known and can be met. To avoid blowing things out of proportion, use Transformational Vocabulary . Talk in terms of preferences: instead of saying, "I can't stand it when you do that!" say, "I'd prefer it if you did this instead." Develop pattern interrupts to prevent the type of argument where you can't even remember what it's about anymore, only that you've got to win.

Make your relationships one of the highest priorities in your life ; otherwise they will take a back seat to any or all of the other things that are more urgent that happen during your day. Gradually, the level of emotional intensity and passion will drift away. We don't want to lose the power of our relationships simply because we got caught up in the law of familiarity, or we let neglect habituate us to the intense excitement and passion we have for a person.

One of the most important patterns is to making relationship last is to focus each day on making it better, rather than focusing on what might hap pen if it ended. We must remember that whatever we focus on we'll experience. If we constantly focus on our fear of a relationship being over, we'll begin to do things unconsciously to sabotage it so that we can extract ourselves before we get too entwined and true pain results. A corollary to this principle is that if you want your relationship to last, never, never, never, ever, ever threaten the relationship itself . In other words, don't ever say, "If you do that, then I'm leaving." Just making this statement alone creates the possibility. It also induces a destabilizing fear in both partners. Every couple with an everlasting relationship has made the rule, no matter how angry or hurt you felt, never to question whether or not the relationship would last and never to threaten to leave it . You want to focus on where you want to go in a relationship, not on what you fear.
Each day, reassociate to what you love about this person you're in a relationship with. Reinforce your feelings of connection and renew your feelings of intimacy and attraction by consistently asking the question, "How did I get so lucky to have you in my life?" Become fully associated to the privilege of sharing your life with this person; feel the pleasure intensely, and continuously anchor it into your nervous system. Engage in a never -ending quest to find new ways to surprise each other. If you don't, habituation will set in, and you will take each other for granted. So find and create those special moments that can make your relationship a role modelone that's legendary!

1. Take the time today to talk with your significant other and find out what's most important to each of you in your relationship. What are your highest values in a relationship together , and what has happen for you to feel like those values are being fulfilled? 2. Decide that it's more important for you to be in love than to be right . If you should ever find yourself in the position of insisting that you're right, break your own pattern. Stop immediately and come back to the discussion later when you're in a better state to resolve your conflicts. 3. Develop a pattern interrupt that you both agree to use when things become most heated . In this way, no matter how mad you are, for at least a moment you can smile and let go of the upset. To make it easier for both of you, use the most bizarre or humorous pattern interrupt you can devise. Make it a private joke that can serve as your personal anchor. 4. When you feel resistance, communicate it with softeners such as, "I know it's only my idiosyncrasy, but when you do that, it makes me a tad peckish." 5. Plan regular date nights, holiday, honeymoon or anything else to reinforce and strengthen the intimacy and attraction. Take turns surprising your partner and dreaming up the most romantic and fun things to do. 6. Make sure you get a good, minimum 180-second wet kiss every day ! At the morning, evening and before going to bed at the night. Make sure that we commit to constant and never-ending improvement , on a daily basis by develop an enjoyable plan.

Are you a great lover? 1. How do you know youre a GREAT lover? 2. What has happen in order for you to feel youre a GREAT lover?

Make your relationship a role model one that's legendary!

I wanna love you forever, in immortality... Coz, youre the symbol of my faith and who I am. Youre my ultimate destiny on my eternity journey to find my little grace. - Aslam Al Arsyad Al Hajj

Mengubati dukacita ini tidak lain hanyalah dengan menjaga yang t inggal sekarang kerana semuanya ini, baik yang telah pergi dan hilang atau yang sedang ada, apalagi yang akan dating, semuanya itu nikmat. Jangan sampai lantaran meratapi nikmat yang hilang, kita lupa akan nikmat yang ada. Nanti yang ada itu setelah hilang diratapi pula.. Kalau ada jangan harap, kalau hilang janganlah cemas Orang yang redha dan sukacita bilamana dia melihat alam sekelilingnya, timbulah kesenagan dan kegembiraan. Kesenangan dan kegembiraan hati itu adalah pangkal jalan menuju bahagia. Red ha menghilangkan cela dan aib. Lantaran redha telah lekat di hati, kalau ada cela itu akan lupa dalam fikiran, kalau ada cacat, cacatnya tidak disedari. Hal itu bukannya disebabkan kebodohan dan gila, tetapi sudah dasar redha demikian adanya. Redha tabiatnya pemaaf dan benci tabiatnya tidak adil. Pilihlah seorang teman yang setia, yang sanggup menasihati jika kita berbuat perbuatan yabg tercela. Teman yang tidak mahu menyatakan aib kita, yang hanya memuji dan meninggikan, bukanlah sahabat yang setia . Temanmu ialah yang berkata benar pada engkau, bukan yang membenar benarkan engkau.