THE CHRISTIAN AND CULTURE: Marriage and Funeral

THE CHRISTIAN AND CULTURE I
by Ven Dr I. U. Ibeme http://priscaquila.6te.net ; http://www.scribd.com/ifeogo ;

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Comment on The Chapel of Grace Blog: http://thechapelofgrace.wordpress.com
CONTENTS:
CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE SEMINAR 1: CONCEPT AND CUSTOMS
CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE SEMINAR 2: PRINCIPLES, PROCESS AND PRACTICE
CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE SEMINAR 3: PRECAUTIONS AND REPARATIONS
BIBLICAL WAY TO MOURN

LIFE AFTER DEATH
PROPER CHRISTIAN FUNERAL
ON CHRISTIANITY AND CULTURE: Christianity is heavenly counter-culture against all godless traditions, thoughts,
trends and tendencies. “Your kingdom come. Your will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.” (Mat 6:10),
mean that every human heathenish or pagan culture, whether ancient, modern or postmodern, must surrender to the Holy
Scriptures, human rationalisation and innovation must submit to divine revelation, private intuition and passion must succumb to
prophetic inspiration. This requires persuasion about the superiority of God’s Word and persevering obedience to the Holy Spirit.
Eph 4:17-20:-
(17) This I say therefore, and testify in the Lord, that you no longer walk as other Gentiles walk, in the
vanity of their mind, (18) Having the understanding darkened, being alienated from the life of God through the
ignorance that is in them, because of the blindness of their heart: (19) Who being past feeling have given themselves
over unto licentiousness, to work all uncleanness with greediness. (20) But you have not so learned Christ;
Israel culture is in HARDNESS of heart (Eze 3:7),

Gentile cultures are in DARKNESS of heart (Eph 4:18),
but Church culture must be in NEWNESS of heart (Rom 12:2).
CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE SEMINAR 1:

CONCEPT AND CUSTOMS
THE CONCEPT OF CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE

Christian Marriage has multiple binding and validity implications:
➢ BIBLICAL in concept and doctrine,
➢ PERSONAL in decision and choice,
➢ PUBLIC in civility and legality, and
➢ ECCLESIASTICAL in witness and solemnization.
The Spirit by whose solemnization you validate your marriage is the spirit that ultimately rules your
matrimony. No true Christian couple should ever live as husband and wife or engage in sexual relations of
any form except AFTER their marriage covenant union has been examined according to God’s ordinance as
well as witnessed and solemnized by the Church. The Church’s solemnisation service has nothing to do with
delicious feasting and dress fashion or gown colours. Legal marriage registration and traditional marriage
formalities only secure legal and parental supports but do not meet up to Christian marriage covenant
doctrine, duties and dictums taught by Christ and His Apostles.
1. Christian Marriage is a lifelong unconditional union and partnership between one Christian man and
one Christian woman to the exclusion of all others. Only widow(er)s could remarry (1Cor 7:8-9, 39; Rom
7:1-3; 1Tim 5:14). Marriage is not mandatory for all nor is it possible for all (Mat 19:11-12; 1Cor 7:6-7).
The Church did not derive her Christian Marriage concept from the cultures and Traditions of our forebears
nor from the preferences and Trends of our peers. It is not meant to conform to human errors, wishes and
Tendencies. Christian Marriage is deduced from divine Truth found in Christ’s teaching in Matt. 19:3-12;
Mark 10:1-12; the Apostolic teachings in 1Cor. 7:8-17,39; Rom. 7:1-3; Eph. 5:21-33; Heb. 13:4; 1Pet. 3:1-7
and God’s original institution/ordination of marriage at creation in Gen. 1:27,28; 2:18,22-25.
THE CHRISTIAN AND CULTURE: Marriage and Funeral by I. U. Ibeme 1
2. Christian Marriage Solemnisation (or “Marriage in the Lord” 1Cor 7:10, 39, i.e. according to God’s
ordinance) is marriage in which a Christian man and a Christian woman entering into lifelong, exclusive
union, for better for worse, till death parts them, take their vows before God and the Church and seek God’s
grace and the Church’s blessing to fulfil such holy and honourable vows. (The Revised Catechism).
It is important to realise that while customary and civil marriages do not measure up as equivalent to
Christians Marriage Covenant, it is necessary to ensure that customary and civil requirements are satisfied as
betrothals before the seal of Church Wedding Solemnisation. This makes it congenial for the family and the
State to conveniently participate in Church Solemnisation without raising objections or impediments that
would rightly interrupt the Church Wedding Service. Until a couple is duly joined according to Christian
Marriage Covenant, their marriage may be cultural or civil but is not yet Christian. In the same way
until a couple has fulfilled customary or civil provisions for marriage, they are not deemed married
customarily or statutorily as the case may be.
3. Purposes of Marriage are:

(a) for guaranteed, lifelong mutual help and comfort irrespective of circumstances Gen. 2:18; Eccl. 4:9-12;
(b) for proper conjugal satisfaction in order to prevent sexual immorality Gen. 2:24; 1Cor. 7:1-5;
(c) for steady and appropriate family unit to raise godly heritage children (not disinherited defiled offspring
Deut. 23:2) for holy homely humanity Gen. 1:28; Mal 2:13-16; 1Tim. 3:4,12; 1Cor. 7:14.
NOTES:
NOTE that these marriage purposes do not come to us by mere relishing expectations of desires,
dreams and pleasures of love relationship. These require from us much responsible commitment
to duty, chastity, temperance, household competence and godly compliance. The current rebellious
selfish trend and hippie tradition of living one’s life the way one wants it, regardless of whatever
other demands or standards there may be, is evil and inimical to godly marriage, family and
society (Eph 2:1-3; 2Tim 3:1-5).
NOTE also that whereas it is our duty to gratify and be grateful to one another as well as provide
godly family environment for any offspring, it is only God Who gives us the fruit of the womb (Psa
127:3). Therefore childlessness should never interfere with Christian marriage relationship.
Christians who cannot wait for God’s own time could meanwhile adopt and raise children for
God.
Successful Christian Marriage Requires Biblical Orientation And Commitment:

Christian Marriage is marriage between one Christian man and one Christian woman, which is based
on DIVINE DESIGN (instituted for duty, service and sacrificial love OFFERED TO the other)
without room for divorce; rather than based on HUMAN DESIRE (innovated for demand,
selfishness and gratifying lust EXERTED FROM the other) with room for divorce.
“Marriage of demand will surely suffer the economics laws of scarcity; but marriage of HELP
supply will experience HELP surplus.” According to the Scriptures, God designed marriage for
duty not demand, for responsibility mot requisition, for pledge not petition. God did not institute
marriage in response to human complaint or demand but in order to fulfil divinely designed duty and
purpose (Gen 2:18-25). That is why, during wedding services, we do not make marriage petitions but
only vow marriage pledges.
Cultural marriages are for meeting selfish desires and making selfish demands, NOT AS GOD
INSTITUTED IT IN THE BEGINNING (Mat 19:8); this is antithetical and inimical to Christian
marriage based on divine institution as God intended it IN THE BEGINNING (Mat 19:4). Married
Christians are gifts of good favour from the Lord to their spouses (Gen 2:23-24; Prov 18:22; 19:14),
for husbands to cleave unto their wives (Gen 2:24) and for wives to be meet helps to their husbands
(Gen 2:18) in ways that worthily please and reverence the Lord (Eph 5:21; Col 1:10). Give God

thanks for whatever your spouse does or is, and seek to selflessly gratify and be grateful to each
other.
God was the sole “manufacturer” of the Marriage Institution in the beginning; therefore only God’s
manual in the Scriptures offers the surest guide to successfully “operate” Marriage WITH
LIFELONG WARRANTEE. Both ancient and modern cultural marriages and manuals are risky
attempts that use human manoeuvres to mimic and mismanage marriage, instead of following divine
measures and guidelines revealed in God’s Scriptural “operational manual” for His Marriage
Institution. Since there are no conditions and demands in Christian Marriage ceremony; there are
only consent and vow/pledge/troth, Christian spouses should be determine to fulfil their marriage
vows by offering:
• LIFELONG GUARANTEED help for companionship and comfort to your spouse;
• EXCLUSIVE CONJUGAL intimacy to willingly satisfy your spouse against fornication;
• SHARED RESOURCEFULNESS/RESOURCES for the care of your spouse and upbringing
of godly offspring.
“Seek not your selfish satisfaction in marriage as the pagan Gentiles of old and today do; but
rather seek you first to selflessly fulfil your avowed marriage responsibility to your spouse as God
pleases, and all other satisfaction shall be added unto you.”
4. Symbolism of Marriage: Christian Marriage Covenant symbolises the covenant union and relationship
between God and His people in the O.T. Isa. 54:5; Jer. 3:14; Ezek. 16:8; Hos. 2:19,20; or Christ and His
Church in the N.T. Matt. 9:15; John. 3:29; 2 Cor. 11:2; Eph. 5:22-33; Rev. 19:7; 21:2,9. Therefore, Christian
Marriage should be entered into as a mutual covenant before God and in Christ's Name. Notice that
marriage of innocent Adam and innocent Eve was at the beginning of Genesis while the marriage of Christ
and His redeemed Church is prophesied at the end of Revelation.
NOTE the elements in the above four definitions which distinguish Christian Marriage concept from other
marriage concepts in the world today. These include:
(1) Man–Woman partnership (not Homosexual);
(2) Exclusive monogamous union (not Polygamy);
(3) Lifelong, indissoluble covenant relationship (no Divorce);
(4) Joined in God’s name – by God (not by man);
(5) Covenanted according to God’s Word – in the Lord (not worldly contract);
(6) As originally instituted by God (not as innovated by man);
(7) Couples leave parents to cleave together (not under their parents) Gen. 2:24; Psa. 45:10,16;
(8) Wife married to her husband in the Lord (not to the clan and their idolatry) 1Cor 7:39;
(9) Couples to confide first in Christ and each other (not first in outsiders/relatives);
(10) Good, holy and honourable (not a necessary evil). Prov. 18:22
HISTORY OF MARRIAGE CUSTOMS:

Marriage decayed from being joined by God in EDEN SANCTUARY to being joined by parents at
FAMILY ALTARS outside Eden. By “ALTAR” here I mean the place where people meet together to
commune with God in fellowship. But God through the Law, the Prophets and the Gospel gradually
restored marriage solemnisation authority from parental family altars to the higher CITY GATE COURT
by the city presbytery and the priestly presbytery, then to NEIGHBOURHOOD “ALTARS” by the
Synagogue presbytery and Church presbytery.
IN THE BEGINNING. God conceived and instituted marriage, and joined Adam and Eve inseparably at His
Eden Paradise (Gen 2:15-25) or Eden Sanctuary where God came regularly to commune with them (Gen
3:8-9).
IN THE O.T. during the Patriarchal period, marriage was similar to our traditional marriages of today.
Then the responsibility for getting wives (Gen 21:21; 24:3; 38:6; Judg 14:2), authority for marriage joining
and dissolution was left in the hands of the Patriarchs as parents and clan elders/priests (Gen. 24:51, 60)
according to the laws and cultures of their time. This period brought in polygamy, concubinage, divorce, etc.
Today, court and customary weddings together with modern pagan orthodoxy of amoral hippie
culture have brought about heathenish legitimization of promiscuous and perverse “relationships”
such as single motherhood, cohabitation, concubinage, illegitimate children, broken homes, and high
divorce rate and even homosexual “relationships”. Homosexual PARTNERSHIP may be called
“UNIONAGE” or whatever, but not MARRIAGE.
After the Exodus, Moses by divine revelation, introduced the City-Gate Court of Elders for State legal
witness (Deut. 22:15; Ruth 4:11-13), which took solemnisation powers away from the traditional family to
the biblical Presbytery leaving only the consent role to the family.
After the Exile the Synagogues and Rabbis introduced by Ezra replaced the city-gate presbytery and the
priests. The Synagogue Rabbis (Ezra’s disciples Ezr 9:4; Neh 8:4-8) assumed the authority for legal witness
and spiritual blessing that ensures the Scriptures are adhered to (Ezr 9:1-4; 10:2-4). This has remained so
among the Jews through the time of Christ and His Apostles till today.
Therefore, Marriage Procedures and Processes in Israel could take up to a year of …
1. First committed step is Family Betrothal and Bridal dower at the Bride’s family home;
2. Next commitment is Legal Certification before the Rabbi as the legal Presbytery;
3. Next is the night Bridal Procession from the Bride’s home to the Grooms’ home with those invited
who are ready;
4. Next is the Marriage Supper (Wedding Banquet) with those ready and invited at the Groom’s home;
5. Finally comes the Marriage Chamber by the couple alone after the supper has dispersed.
IN THE N.T. After the Pentecost, the Apostles shifted such local Synagogue witness and blessing functions
to the local Church. The Presbyters/Priests and Ministers of the Church ensure Christian Marriage is based
on commitment, compliance and conformity with the Scriptural provision of Christian Truth about covenant
Marriage IN THE LORD (1Cor 7:39):
Equal yoke – Christian Marriage in the Lord should be between partners who share the same biblical
convictions (2Cor 6:14),
Lifelong union – Christian Marriage in the Lord is only parted by death (Rom 7:1-3),
Monogamy – Christian Marriage in the Lord is between one man and one woman for life (1Tim 3:12), and
Indissoluble COVENANT – Christian Marriage in the Lord forbids divorce (Mal 2:13-16; Mat 19:7-9).
APOSTOLIC TRADITION OF CHRISTIAN HOLY MATRIMONY IN THE EARLY CHURCH.

Never mind the modern paganist rebellious rejection of Church Marriage and trendy falsification of Church
history to the fallacy that Church Wedding is recent innovation. This is the biggest revisionist lie to be
concocted by the present perverse generation. The goal of these lies and fabrications is demonically
calculated to confuse the Church and revise Christian Marriage to make room for new legalizations to
approve all kinds of freelance marriage abuses, sexual perversions and sexual promiscuity! Sadly, many
Christians have unwittingly gulped in the tricky lie! The funny theologically naïve query of disingenuous
demand for New Testament occasion of Church Wedding event is their most ignorant and ridiculous trump
card; as if the New Testament is a book of programmes instead of a book of precepts. Soon they would
claim that the Apostles did not have Church service, burial service, etc.
The factual truth is that Christian Marriage was practiced by the Apostles long before they wrote the New
Testament Scriptures in which the long-standing Christian Marriage practice was referred to as already
ongoing Marriage IN THE LORD (1Cor 7:10, 39; Eph 5:22, 29). From the testimony of the 1st Century
Apostolic Fathers like Ignatius of Antioch and Polycarp of Smyrna and Clement of Rome, Marriage in the
Lord was not only about Christian couples merely entering into ordinary marriages by the prevailing roles of
family, synagogue and the State, but actually by the marriage being covenanted and solemnized among the
Church with the Bishops/Presbyters counselling the couple, blessing the couple and praying for the couple,
so as to witness to and vouch that such marriage is Christian and validly in the Lord – according to the
teachings of Christ and His Apostles in the New Testament (1Cor 7:10-11).
Clement of Rome wrote that he got this directive from the Apostles:
“And with respect to the presbyters, take these instructions. Above all things, let them join the young
betimes in marriage, anticipating the entanglements of youthful lusts.”
(Epistle Of Clement To James Ch. vii, Early Church Fathers Vol. VIII).
Also, Ignatius of Antioch while writing to Polycarp of Smyrna warned against the dangers of neglecting the
Church authority in marriage matters which led to ruin:
"But it becomes both men and women who marry, to form their union with the approval of the
bishop, that their marriage may be according to the Lord, and not after their own lust. Let all things
be done to the honour of God."
(The Epistle of Ignatius to Polycarp, Chapter v, Early Church Fathers Vol. I).
Never forget that Practical Christianity is a heavenly counter-culture which ceases to do all things NO
LONGER AS GENTILES DO (Eph 4:17) but seeks to do all things AS IT IS DONE IN HEAVEN (Mat
6:10) and that Christ had denounced all hard-hearted perversions of marriage and taught that Christian
Marriage must be as divinely instituted IN THE BEGINNING (Mat 19:8).
All through the ages and in every culture, Marriage Customs and processes have always had the following
necessary stages/phases (Deut. 20:7; Matt. 1:18):
(1) First is the Convinced Choice/Consent/Agreement at which a SUITOR AND HIS SOUGHT enter
into the process for Confirmation of marital intentions;
(2) Second is the Commitment/Engagement/Betrothal at which the families are satisfied to betroth the
Sought-beloved to her Suitor-lover so they become FIANCÉ AND FIANCÉE respectively, leading
to the period of formal Courtship for preparation to marry (Deut 22:25-28; Judg 14:7-8);
PARENTAL consent is necessary here.
(3) Third is the Covenant/Joining/Wedding Rite when the Fiancé–bridegroom and his Fiancée–bride
become HUSBAND AND WIFE respectively, leading to the period of Matrimony (Married Life).
The CHURCH’S certifying and solemnizing witness is necessary here. (For pagans the clan spirits
and idols and rituals come in at this point. These days, most so called “Traditional” marriages
innovative programmes to stop at mere Parental Consent Parties that fail to meet up with this
spiritual solemnization aspect of native pagan tradition, which makes their claims of being
“Traditional” marriage false!).
(4) Fourth are the conjugal Consummation and then the unconditional Continuation monogamously
till death for Christians. But for pagans, theirs include conditionality and permit divorce, polygamy,
etc. (NOTE: Conjugal intimacy is the seal of marriage covenant and the consummation of marriage
union).
THESE DAYS due to lawlessness and immorality of postmodern paganism and rebellious New Age
individualism many a time, we see people starting pseudo-“courtship” of coital intimacy (“relationship”)
without betrothal. Some go as far as living together (cohabitation) in pseudo-“matrimony” without
wedding or even without betrothal! This is clearly the detestable sin of fornication before God. Even
misguided Christians are beginning to posit the subjective and autonomous philosophy of modern
paganism, that private mutual consent of the couple is the real marriage superseding the wedding
solemnization by the Church and betrothal by the family! We must remember that for Christians who
belong to the New Covenant, sexual relation is only honourable, undefiled and safe after the wedding
(covenant joining) and within solemnized Christian matrimony (1Cor 7:10; Heb 13:4) IN THE LORD
(1Cor 7:39; Eph 5:22; Col 3:23). THIS STANDARD DISTINGUISHES HUMANS FROM ANIMALS,
believers from unbelievers, and Christianity from paganism.
WHY IS THERE MODERN CONFUSION AND CONTENTION ABOUT CHRISTIAN

MARRIAGE?
Many have wrongly perceived and misrepresented the position of the Church on marriage, because
of confusion by modern libertines who clamour for UNBOUNDED and LIBERAL marriage falsely
hidden under PRETEXT of "tradition". These libertines and revisionists agitate to neither follow the
full tradition in their so-called “Traditional Marriage” nor do they want to follow the Church's
position on Christian Marriage.
The Church is NOT AGAINST parental consent and Traditional family marriage feasts or in-laws
festivities EXCEPT for idolatrous rituals used in the spiritual aspects of native ritual blessing and

traditional covenant joining. But the Church follows Christ to stand that Traditional festivities and
consents are INADEQUATE for Christian standards.
The Church wedding service explicitly asks for parental consent and for the personal love and
willingness of the couple before proceeding to join the couple in marriage covenant with troths and
blessings that derives from Christ's and Apostolic corrective teachings on marriage (Matt 19:1-22;
1Cor 7). The Church also derive their position from the spiritual Marriage example of Christ toward
the Church. (Eph 5: 21- 33).
Jesus in Matt 19 is clear that the standards of all human traditions on marriages of both Jews and
Gentiles since Adam left Eden, has not respected or sought to conform to the divine joining standard
set by God in Eden.
One obvious and clear departure is that all these traditional joinings or troths or covenants are
based on acceptance of divorce and polygamy. And among pagans full traditional marriage also
invokes idolatrous spirits ancestors and clan deities on the land.
The Apostolic Church was set to either ABSTAIN FROM MARRIAGE ENTIRELY (Mat 19:11-12;
1Cor 7:6) or INSIST ON MARRYING DIFFERENTLY (1Cor 7) by departing from what Jesus has
denounced in Jewish and Gentile marriages (Matt 19:8-9). The Church also set out to restore what
Jesus has declared as the divinely instituted marriage IN THE BEGINNING (Matt 19:4-6), which
divine intention for Marriage the Apostles described as marriage IN THE LORD (1Cor 7:39) done
as UNTO THE LORD (Eph 5:22).
Unfortunately, people use arguments and contentions as well as Media bandwagon pressure to
confuse these issues. But no true Christian need give any heed to such heretic agitations by spirits of
error.
<<BACK TO TOP>>


PRINCIPLES, PROCESS AND PRACTICE
TRUE MARRIAGE
Christ’s teaching on marriage was a denunciation of the marriage standards and patterns accumulated by
human cultures and traditions over the ages. For Christ these accumulations of marriage standards are a
departure from (and a negation to) the original purpose and pattern at Eden. When Christ declared, “From
the beginning it was not so!” (Matt. 19:4-8), He implied that marriage could be TRUE/Holy (As ordained
by God in the beginning) or FALSE/Sinful (Not as ordained by God in the beginning). Any multiple
“marriage” to any other spouse(s) while the first partner lives is not marriage but adultery or fornication
(Matt. 5:32; 19:9; Mark 10:11,12; Luke 16:18). This is the standard for True Marriage taught in the Gospel
of Christ.
Unlike all other marriages, Christian Marriage is holy covenant joining which belongs to God as He
instituted it in the beginning (Matt 19:8) for the husband and wife to become divinely joined as one
flesh, which no man should put asunder (Matt 19:4-6). The Church must do with marriage, only what
is spiritually right with God as He has commanded in the inspired Scripture.
Traditional Marriages are dissoluble social contracts based on Traditional Rituals and
Customary Laws, while Civil Marriages are dissoluble social contracts based on State Laws.
Though these are legitimate within the scope of the laws establishing them, yet for several
scriptural reasons, such legitimacies do not suffice within the scope of Christian Holy
Matrimony. Christian Marriage is indissoluble spiritual covenant solemnized on the basis of
God’s Holy Ordinance as it is specially taught by Christ and His Apostles (Mat 19; Mark 10;
1Cor 7; Eph 5).
Every marriage is not merely dependent on private choice and consent but is subject to the
Spirit/spirits, rituals, ordinance, law and doctrine on which it stands legitimate. There are
varieties of marriage legitimizing ordinances, but it is important to note that marriage is not
only about sexual relations because it goes further to other non-coital matters like legitimacy of
offspring, basis for succession and rights of property heritage long after the death of the married
partners. Without first a marriage covenant joining or a form of marriage ordinance and rite,
consents and coital union alone cannot suffice to constitute valid marriage.
1. Civil marriages originate from are based on various Civil ordinances that institute them. For
Civil Laws, only Court Marriage is Statutory and could only be monogamous though dissoluble,
(outside this, any coital or cohabiting relationship by CITIZENS is adultery or concubinage but
not statutorily called marriage).
2. Cultural/Traditional marriages originate from and are based on various Cultural/Traditional

ordinances that legislate them. For Cultures, only Traditional Marriage is Customary and could
be polygamous and dissoluble, (outside this, any coital or cohabiting relationship by NATIVES
is adultery or concubinage but not traditionally called marriage).
3. Islamic marriages originate from and are based on Islamic ordinances that institute them.
For Muslims, only Fatiha Marriage is Islamic and could be as far as tetragamous and
dissoluble, (outside this, any coital or cohabiting relationship by MUSLIMS is adultery or
concubinage but not Islamically called marriage).
Similar categories apply to instituting ordinances for people of other cross-cultural old and new
religions like Yehudi, Hindi, Passim, Shinto, Sikh, etc.
4. Christian marriage originate from and are based on the Christian ordinance that institute it
as taught by Christ and His Apostles. For the Church, only Solemnized Matrimony is Christian
and could only be monogamous though indissoluble, (outside this, any coital or cohabiting
relationship by CHRISTIANS is adultery or fornication and not ecclesiastically called Christian
marriage).
If you are Christian, you are not yet Christianly married until the Christian Church and the
Christian Truth/Ordinance are involved. You cannot claim or consent to be in a faith and at the
same time refuse to be guided or ruled by the same faith. That would be HYPOCRISY or even
APOSTASY.
What makes a marriage to be called CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE is when the couple has
covenanted or solemnized or blessed their UNION ACCORDING TO CHRIST’S MARRIAGE
ORDINANCE AS ESPECIALLY TAUGHT IN MATT 19 AND 1COR 7. It is important to note
that the Church’s officiation for the Solemnization of Holy Matrimony is not about the garments
and merriments, but about pastoral guidance and ministration to assist the couple comprehend,
commit to and comply with THE DOCTRINE OF CHRIST ON MARRIAGE.
For Gospel believing Christians who uphold Christ’s doctrine, there are TWO MARRIAGES – The
Christian marriage (THE MARRIED by Divine Covenant Ordinance 1Cor 7:10-11) and other
Mundane marriages (THE REST by Human contract ordinances 1Cor 7:12-16). These two are not on
same platform. Notice that while mundane marriages are contracted with exchange of payments and
dowers by several authorities, Christian marriage is covenanted with exchange of pledges and vows by
Christ’s authority and doctrine.
Mundane (Traditional, Cultural and/or Civil) marriages are NOT based on indissoluble ONE FLESH
and divine JOINING instituted in Eden by God prior to the Fall, but are dissoluble humanly devised
betrothals, espousals and engagements outside Eden after the Fall of Humanity from God’s glory into
sin. Couples simply start living together HARDHEARTEDLY without regard to divine ordinance and
validation but bring into marriage adulterous divorce and polygamy and other aberrations or
perversions. Some even have various gradations of marriages as found in ancient Roman Law which has
three legal gradations thus:
1. Usus Marriage with only simple common consent but no groom-access price by the bride, bride price
by the groom, or bride-ownership/adoption sacrifice by the priests – dissoluble without requirements,
but allows polygamous concubinage;
2. Coemptio Marriage with only groom-access price and/or bride price but without bride-
ownership/adoption sacrifice – dissoluble with restitution (Mar 6:17; Luk 3:19-20; 1Cor 7:12-16),
but allows polygamous concubinage;
3. Confarraetio Marriage with both bride price and bride-ownership/adoption sacrifice – indissoluble
till death (Rom 7:1-3), but allows polygamous concubinage.
Marriage in Israel was consented by parents and validated judicially by the city-gate court, but allowed
polygamy (not of sisters or mother and daughter Lev 18:17-18) and divorce because of their hardness of
heart (Mark 10:5). There were three ways to end a marriage bond according to the Law of Moses:
1. By private bill of divorcement (Deut 24:1-3)
2. By judicial court judgment of stoning for fornication (Deut 22:13-21)
3. By natural demise of a spouse (Deut 24:3c; Rom 7:1-3).
Of all these, Christ and His Apostles disallowed any dissolution (Matt 19:6) by the divorce bill, but allowed
termination of marriage only by death – whether by judicial stoning to death for fornication among Jews
(Matt 5:31-32; 19:7-9) or by natural death (Mark 10:11; Luk 16:18; Rom 7:1-3; 1Cor 7:10-13).
Many miss the point Christ made about “HARDNESS of heart” in Matt 19:8 or Mark 10:5 (Deut 9:6;
Neh 9:16-17). It has to do with CULTURE that dishonours, disregards or disobeys God. Christ was
not making a new revelation about our human hardheartedness. God had told Israel that they are a
STIFF-NECKED people. So, Christ was reminding the Apostles of an obvious and old fact of human
nature and culture and traditions of the Jews, which also applies to Gentiles and their cultures till
today (Eph 4:17-20).
Therefore, living together as husband and wife on the basis of mundane Cultural or Civil marriage
ordinances (which are HARD-HEARTED) and idolatrous Traditional marriage ordinances (which
are DARK-HEARTED) belong to the those who are yet to become Christians. Christians who are
NEW-HEARTED should only live together as husband and wife on the basis of covenant commitment
pledged according to ordinances which God instituted at the beginning which Christ pointed out in
Mark 10:5-9 and the Church seeks to restore. Christian Marriage is covenant joining which belongs
to the Lord as He instituted it in the beginning.
The world does with marriage whatever seems carnally convenient to them based on their hard-
hearted Cultures. These marriages are powered by spirits of passions and humanly founded on
DEMAND for HELP leading to relationship of emotional scarcity. On the other hand, the Church
must do with marriage, only what is spiritually right with God as Christ has commanded in the
inspired Apostolic Scripture. This marriage is powered by the Spirit of Grace and divinely founded on
SUPPLY for HELP to engender relationship of emotional surplus. These two types of marriages are
not on same platform.
Christians married before conversion should endeavour to solemnize their marriage in the Church
according to God’s holy ordinance. This is called Marriage Blessing. When Christians approach marriage
issues, they must be diligent to distinguish the Christian marriage solemnized in the Lord (1Cor 7:10-11)
from the other mundane marriages not solemnized in the Lord (1Cor 7:12-15). For instance, marriage is:
OTHER MUNDANE MARRIAGES: CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE:

1).Between a couple who hold unto their 1).Between a couple who leave their parents
parents and so, remain separate as two. and so, become joined as one. (Mark 10:6-
9; Ps. 45:10,16)
2).Dissoluble by Man, Multipliable, 2).Indissoluble by Man, Exclusive,
Polygamous, Homosexual. Monogamous, Heterosexual.
3).Seeks to please people and subservient to 3).Seeks to please Christ and operates from
the world rather than to Christ. heaven above the powers of this world.
4).Symbolises human infidelity. 4).Symbolises Divine covenant fidelity.
5).Effected by payment of Dowry and Bride 5).Effected by Covenant Vows based on
Price set by the receiving party. standards set by Christ.
6).Validated by BETROTHAL from Parents, 6).Validated by JOINING from God
Community, or false gods. through the Church and its Ministers.
7).Non-binding, but valid as long as interest 7).Binding as long as life lasts and valid till
lasts (1Cor. 7:12-16). death (1Cor. 7:10,11,39; Rom. 7:1-3).
8).Based on demand and perquisites from 8).Based on duty and pledges from divine
human viewpoint. viewpoint (Gen 2:18-23; Eph 5:22-33).
9).Biblically described as THE REST who 9).Biblically described as THE truly
HAVE A WIFE/HUSBAND they live with MARRIED (1Cor. 7:10) IN THE LORD
(1Cor.7:12,13). (1Cor 7:39).
10). Entered into according to cultural 10). Entered into according to God’s Holy
ordinances for human ESPOUSAL or Ordinance for Divine JOINING or UNION
BETROTHAL to please people or self. to please God as its Author.
It goes without saying that the best of traditional, civil, or other marriages, cannot qualify as true
marriage to a Christian. At best, they serve as mere engagements and should not warrant a Christian man
to take/have a woman as his wife sexually. Those married before conversion are permitted to stay-on in
peace as long as the unbelieving partner is willing (1Cor. 7: 12-16). TRUE CHRISTIANS NEVER SUE
FOR DIVORCE. If both become converted, their marriage must take a new form in accordance with holy
ordinance of the Gospel of Christ (Mark 10: 6-12; Rom. 7:1-3; 1Cor. 7:1-11), and then it could be described
as being in the Lord (1Cor. 7:39). True Marriage is therefore a public marital union between one man
and one woman who are both in the Faith of Christ, and who resolve by solemn COVENANT to live
exclusively for each other as husband and wife for life in accordance with the Truth of Christ’s Gospel.
THE PROCESS OF GETTING MARRIED.

From what we have already learned, in getting married we need to ensure that we be our best, get God’s best
for us, and give no room for the devil; in this way we get the desirable/ideal home. This is only possible if
we do the following properly:
(1) Praying for God’s guidance in choice of marriage partner as early as possible, even by the parents from
early age.
NOTE:
Decision and desire to marry someone “according to God’s holy ordinance” should be decision
and desire to sacrificially live and die for such a one. Christians should not hope to marry
someone who will obey their commands or fulfil their demands, but someone they will pledge to
dedicate their lives to please unconditionally and selflessly (1Cor 7:2-5, 32-35). Readiness for
marriage is willingness to stop living for oneself and start living for someone else. Whoever you
chose to marry God demands that you must love him/her alone (Eph 5:33; Tit 2:4). In the world
whoever you love you should marry, which makes them marry and divorce multiple spouses as their
love swings along.
(2) Preparing to marry as well as to be married (develop good qualities: socially, spiritually, materially,
physically and mentally, that make you capable of and ready for marriage according to God’s standards).
NOTE:
Marriage is neither mandatory nor guaranteed for all by God. Not everyone shall or can marry
either because of congenital and acquired limitations or because of spiritual and circumstantial
considerations (Matt 19:11-12; 1Cor 7:6-9, 32-38). Marriage love requires careful consideration of
all you could know now and faithful expectation for what you cannot know now. Never be blind now
nor ever lose hope in the future. Prepare and agree with God to unconditionally seek to selflessly
satisfy and appreciate the spouse you will marry and be ready to gladly live/die WITH and
live/die FOR him/her.
(3) Proceeding to marry as you –

a. Find (desire and discover good qualities Prov 18:22; 19:14; 31:10) a partner you are convinced is
capable of and ready for marriage according to God’s standards; this requires wise inquiry and keen
observation.
NOTE: THE WORKINGS OF GOD’S WILL
God conceives and conceals His purpose and power as MYSTERIES of His Will to be hidden
and unknown (Eph 1:8-9);
but God reveals and declares His purpose and power as MESSAGES of His Word to be heard
and known (Col 2:2-3),
and God fulfils and performs His purpose and power as MANIFESTATIONS of His Works to
be seen and known (Col 1:26-27).
GOD’S WILL IS NOT ABOUT THE PERSON WHO YOU MARRY (AS MANY ERR TO
THINK), BUT ABOUT THE PURPOSE AND PRECEPTS BY WHICH YOU AND YOUR
PARTNER INTEND TO MARRY. Stop looking for persons as God’s will, start looking for
purpose and precepts of your intended partnership as God’s will.
God’s WILL on the pattern of principles and persons to marry is invariable ideal WITHOUT
CHOICE, demanding comprehension and compliance.
God’s LEADING on a particular person to marry is variable deal WITH CHOICE, depending on
commitment and experience.
GOD’S WILL for marriage is conceptual or in PRINCIPLES (not in particular persons) that we
marry in order to do all things UNTO THE LORD (i.e. marry in order to fulfil His purpose Col
3:23) and that we should be married IN THE LORD (i.e. married to a believing spouse
covenanted among believers 1Cor 7:10, 39).
GOD’S LEADING for our choice of the particular person we marry and particular time we marry is
circumstantial or by PROMPTINGS, depending on how we walk with Him and live for Him.
REMEMBER THAT GOD’S WILL IN MARRIAGE IS NOT MERELY ABOUT WHO YOU GET
MARRIED TO (AND WHEN), THAT YOU MAY MISS AS A GAMBLE, BUT MAINLY
ABOUT HOW YOU WOULD RELATE WITH YOUR SPOUSE, WHICH YOU MUST MAKE
AS A GOAL.
b. Choose (discern and decide which person Prov 31:29; Song 6:8-9) the partner you are convinced God
has prepared you to HELP, and who you are ready to tolerate and appreciate, gratify and be grateful
to, die for and live with according to God’s will (see Seminar 3 on Knowing God’s Will) and God’s
leading (Ruth 1:16-17; Mat 1:18-25).
NOTE:
Precious things like marriage cost great price. No perfect partner (including your very self) exists in
this life. Marry the spouse you are sure is God’s will for you to unconditionally appreciate and gladly
live/die with and live/die for. Hit-and-run mindset or “take-what-you-want” mentality are only fit for
divorce not for Christian Marriage. The right mindset and attitude is “give-all-your-best” unto
the end.
Christian Marriage is like a good ministry we are convinced we received from God by His favour
and mercy (2Cor 4:1). The right spouse is the one you are meant to make-up for not just the one
meant to make-up for you, the partner you are good for not the one good for you. Christ did not
choose the Church because the Church is good for him because He is good for the Church and is
ready to be so good to the Church unto the end, except we back out by ourselves. Those who are in
Christ will be rewarded when they overcome unto the end (Rev 2:26).
Prophets have been lead into exceptionally dangerous dramatic marriages of painful tragedy
(Ezekiel 24:15-27) and shameful frustration (Hosea 1-3) to dramatise prophetic signs and
wonders (Isa 8:1-4 and 18). These are not standards for normal marriages;
c. Secure consent/agreement to start confirmation of intentions – clearing doubts/impediments, performing
medical tests, confirming God’s will, securing parental consent, building trust/love, praying and
planning together for engagement/betrothal and eventual marriage;
d. Make commitment/engagement/betrothal provision of family requirements (should be devoid of
idolatrous matters for Christians) to proceed to courtship – hastening to marriage legal certification and
solemnization rites .
NOTE: The devil and the world have devised pretentious traps under various guises called such names as
dating, boyfriend-girlfriend, relationships, which are all meant to permit sexual immorality rather than
exclude such sexual defilements. Christians should have nothing to do with such carnal and
deceptive terms and intents.
(4) Purity and sincerity in all courtship relationships – avoiding all appearance of evil (Eph 4:17-21; 1Thes.
5:22), and giving no place for the devil (Eph. 4:27) till after the wedding;

(5) Partaking in godly marriage covenant (wedding), to solemnise matrimony first before consummation
(sexual union) to seal matrimony (married life). Thereafter is the continuation with faithful
complementary roles that make for the desirable/ideal Christian home.
COMPLEMENTARY ROLES FOR CHRISTIAN MATRIMONY.

Christian marriage union is the complementary union of a loving husband and a helping wife, who have
vowed to themselves under God to fulfil their covenant roles and responsibilities according to godly
precepts and divinely ordained marriage pattern and principles (Eph 5:21-33). The Christian Marriage is
special (1Cor 7:10-11) and not like other marriages (1Cor 7:12-14), but is a Divine Covenant that binds the
couple to relate exclusively with each other socially, sexually and spiritually till death, in accordance with
Divine Ordinance instituted by God for His purpose. The husband should have covenant concern about his
wife’s needs in order to love her cherishingly, whereas the wife should have covenant commitment to her
husband’s pursuits in order to help him sufficiently. Couples should know that complementing each other
in marriage does NOT include compelling each other but compelling oneself instead.
Complementariness is based on the fact that spouses are two imperfect and inadequate partners in their
different respects, so that each spouse serves to complement and compensate the inadequacies and
deficiencies of the other. Marriage is not mandatory for all nor is it possible for all (Mat 19:11-12; 1Cor
7:6-7). Those who are opportune or chose to go into marriage must take the responsibility for the
relentless determination to scale huddles of human weaknesses and make their marriage work as God has
intended it (1Cor 7:32-36). Only then could such couple enjoy the blessings and blessedness of marriage.
Good marriage does not happen on its own; it is made through unyielding effort and unwavering faith.
Good marriage comes when each spouse enjoys making up for the other and making the other happy,
unconditionally as God’s Word has designed not as we desire, dream or demand. Our desires must not
clash with God’s design. Marriage is a mission to love and help someone for life.
Christ taught that marriage should be as God meant it to be “in the beginning of creation” at Eden before
the hearts of Adam and Eve hardened to sin (Mar 10:5-6). Therefore God’s garden pleasure
(Eden=pleasure or delight in Hebrew) should be the portion of couples in Christian Marriage. For any
couple to enjoy God’s favours of Christian Matrimony (Prov. 5:18-19; 18:22; Eccl. 9:9; Song 3:3-5) and
please God who instituted it, the husband and wife must understand that God designed marriage would only
work if both spouses married for the sake of making sacrifices to unconditionally meet out sufficient and
befitting help to each other. Marriage was NOT designed by God for making selfish demands and seeking
out excessive and undue ‘help’ from the other. Marriage relationship is for complementary covenant roles;
Couples must fulfil these roles lovingly, forgivingly and zealously in the fear of God. The closer Christian
couples walk with God (consecration), the closer they blend with each other (complementary intimacy)
and the healthier they express themselves to each other (communication).
Complementariness in marriage (which is not competitiveness in conflict) requires GOOD

COMMUNICATION. Communication is when we express ourselves with a combination of our motive,
mood, gesture (company, attention, touch, eye, face) and words (message, tone, pitch). What is often
forgotten in communication is CONTEXT of communication RELATIONSHIP. For smooth flow of
feelings, information and opinions in any communication exchange, it is important to have a shared
cognisance of the contextual milieu and contextual (e.g Head-tail or Transmitter-receiver) standing of
each communicating party.
In the communication relationship, there is for instance, need to take cognisance of contextual standing of
instructor-learner, parent-children, husband-wife, elder-younger, leader-follower, teacher-student, brother-
sister, pally-pally, broadcaster-audience, proposer-opposer, upload-download, suggestion-instruction,
transmission-reception, inquiry-directive, etc, which should determine the mind-set and the role of each
communicating party. Also, contextual milieu which affects its order and protocol whether to be amorous,
palliative, eulogistic, interrogative, competitive, suggestive, instructive, expressive, educative, correction,
directive, rebuke, etc. Dialogue easily turn into dispute and conversation into contention when each
communicating party has different perspectives of each other’s context and standing.
Most men desire that their wives would communicate many things to them especially for compliance; while
most women desire that their husbands would communicate many things to them especially for comfort.
Husbands desire being honoured as valiant and powerful champs, while women desire being honoured as
valuable and precious chicks! When couples learn how to skilfully communicate with good understanding
of this complementary context to meet these felt needs, their relationship is more fulfilling and seamless.
“He needs her admiration as much as she needs his appreciation. He
needs to hear the words "I'm proud of you" as much as she needs to
hear the words "I love you."”
Skill and sensitivity, warmth and wisdom (not words only) are needed to effectively combine these modes
of expression to express ourselves the way we want our communication to be perceived and to produce
the response we want to elicit. However, our skill in utilising these modes of expression effectively for
appropriate perception depends on divine grace, our good intensions and our positive attitudes. Flatterers,
vain talkers and deceivers like Delilah (Judg 16:15-17), the generation of ungodly men (Psa 12) and the
adulterous seductive women (Pro 5:3; 7:5, 21) know how to communicate to convince, agree, deceive and
entice; but Christians do not know how to communicate God’s mind in Bible-based speech (Col 3:16-20)
seasoned with salty words, graceful responses and meek disposition (Col 4:6; 1Pet 3:5). Instead we argue,
resent, nag and quarrel based on our personal purposes and selfish passions rather than the divine pleasure.
Complementary marriage responsibilities are unconditional – they are NOT responses to reward the good
behaviour of the other spouse, BUT responsibilities in-spite-of whatever behaviour of the other spouse.
Complementariness is neither competition nor casualness, but cooperation and commitment, or agreement
and encouragement, gratification and gratitude, tolerating and appreciating one another. Each spouse
should partner with the other to make-up for what the other is naturally and reasonably unable to cope with.
Complementariness is not about giving commands to be obeyed or making demands to be fulfilled.
(1) Both husband and wife must have covenant concern, mutual respect and conjugal love towards each
other (Mal. 2:14-16; 1Cor. 7:3-5; 1Pet. 3:7). This is the basis for true Christian marriage.
(2) The husband should lead and rule (i.e. watch or look after as one who is ultimately accountable NOT
boss over Heb 13:17) as the head for the wife’s comfort; while the wife should submit and support
(help adequately Gen 2:18-20) as the body for the husband’s companionship (Gen 3:16,17; Eph.
5:22-25; 1Pet. 3:1,5,6). A woman not happy to be overruled by her husband’s decision, as Godly
order has established, is not ready for marriage; also a man not happy to avail all his possession to
his wife is not ready for marriage. If husbands feel good for being the head that DIRECTS the body,
Christian wives who are spiritual should feel even better for being the body that SUPPORTS the
head. Does the Church not love Christ and rejoice with unspeakable joy (1Pet 1:8) for being Christ's
body? Or should the Church rather seek to ascend to become the head instead – as Lucifer sought to do
(Isa 14:12-15)? God forbid.
(3) The husband should cherish his wife, protecting her; while the wife should honour her husband, helping
him (Gen. 2:18; Eph. 5:28,29,33). This emotionally refreshes both couple.
(4) As the father, the husband should provide (strategically plan and direct) for the home; while the wife, as
the mother, should keep (operationally care for and manage) the home (Prov. 31:13-22; 1Tim. 5:8; Tit.
2:5). This makes the burden light on either side.
(5) The husband cleaves to the wife, conjugally cheering/gladdening her up; while the wife desires after the
husband, conjugally captivating/ravishing him (Gen. 2:24,25; 3:16,17; Deut. 24:5; Prov. 5:18,19; 1Cor.
7:3-5). This nurtures strong INTIMACY that bonds the couple together.

(6) The husband does to the wife what Christ would do to His Church ensuring her safety while the wife
does to the husband what the true Church should do to Christ ensuring His glory (1Cor 11:2; Eph 5:32;
Rev 21:2). Such focus on Christ keeps the marriage godly and holy.
(7) The husband being the stronger (rugged not superior) vessel should valiantly take up the hazardous
challenges and strenuous struggles, while the wife as the weaker (delicate not inferior 1Pet 3:7) vessel
should virtuously take up the safer chores and bearable tasks. Muscular strength (Ruggedness) is
meant for security not for superiority or supremacy. Delicateness is meant for complementing not for
complacency or competition. “Weaker vessel” never means “inferior vessel” anyhow.
(8) Husband and wife should without rancour or rationalisation admit their inadequacies and deficiencies
when realised or observed. Each should be sensitive but sincere and transparent in dealing with the
other. Each should enthusiastically endeavour to improve when urged to do so by the other (Pro
27:17). Each should appreciate the complementary supplementation by the other spouse with grace and
gratitude. Cooperation and appreciation, sincerity, transparency and good communication would
engender confidence and encourage better relationship. Without good communication,
imagination would go wild, misconception and suspicion would thrive to destroy marital
relationship.
(9) The greatest key to complementariness is KNOWING WHAT SATISFIES THE DESIRES AND
ASPIRATIONS OF YOUR SPOUSE and finding ways and means to meet those desires and
aspirations in GODLINESS AND LOVE. You should know that whatever you desire from your spouse
is similar to what your spouse desires from you. You also could know what satisfies your spouse’s
desires and aspirations by noting those things that make him/her happy or grateful (these should be
done regularly and consistently) and those things that make him/her angry or argumentative (these
should be avoided or apologised for). Most important of these usually have to do with matters relating
to:
(a) Spiritual Standing: Christians want to be convinced that God is pleased in whatever their
spouses do with or ask of them. So as a Christian, ensure you relate to your spouse with this in
mind.
(b) Social Significance: Spouses want to be recognised as valuable by being respected before you,
before children and before other third parties and by being provided for and protected. You
should not demand but ensure such significance is provided for your spouse.
(c) Sexual Satisfaction: Spouses wish to be satisfied sexually by their spouses and also be seen as
sexually satisfying to their spouses. Do your best to ensure both needs are met for your spouse.
(d) Sympathetic Support: Everyone desires that loved ones would show them understanding and
sympathy when they fail to do things as expected. Why would you hold grudges against your
spouse and not rather freely release and readily forgive the only love of your life?
(10) Complementariness demands that in conflict and hurts due to misdemeanour or misunderstanding by
either spouse, each should eschew resentment or retaliation, grudge or rage but rather be large-
hearted and meek enough to forebear and forgive. Husband and wife should endeavour to tolerate
each other and dowse each other’s taunt, temper and tantrum by following the wisdom in Col 3:12-17
and readily seeking to show:
(a) Compunction and admission of fault when they disappoint each other’s expectations or behave
contrary to the Faith. This requires sensitivity.
(b) Correction and apprehension when one relates in a way not appropriate to situations. This
requires humility.
(c) Consideration and appreciation of each other’s feelings and failings. This requires sympathy.
(d) Compassion and affection when the other spouse is under pressure or burden of passion or
fatigue, sickness or sorrow, despair or depression, anger or anxiety. This moves to charity and
eulogy.
(e) Consecration and dedication of all dealings with the other spouse as service UNTO THE
LORD. This takes the whole complementariness to sublime spiritual levels. This requires
prayerful spirituality and devotion to Christ.
The biggest problem and ENEMY OF COMPLEMENTARINESS is forgetting to resist and failing to
overcome and reverse any innate tendency or reflex reaction which contradicts complementariness as
described above.
Husbands and wives should endeavour to avoid joining the MEN-WOMEN EPIC WAR into their home,
their thinking and their manners. This age-old epic war is prosecuted by both men and women such
that women seem to join hands (especially at beautification salons) to counsel other women against
their husbands while men join hands (especially at recreation pubs) to counsel other men against
their wives. Married couples should refuse to carry this war over into their relationship and homes
but dissociate from this epic war by insisting that they are married to their own wife or husband not
men and women.
<<BACK TO TOP>>


PRECAUTIONS AND REPARATIONS
PRECAUTIONS IN THE COURSE OF GETTING MARRIED

Families, Pastors and Churches must endeavour to be involved in precautions to ensure robust foundation
for successful marriages. The Families must ensure inculcation of Christian convictions during upbringing,
but avoid meddlesome interference after marriage. The Pastors must draw from their training and be
devoted to their calling to ensure thorough biblical Teaching, pre and post marriage Counselling,
Solemnizing and Resolution of misunderstandings (Lev 10:8-11; Deut 17:8-11; Mal 2:7; Act 20:20, 27;
2Tim 3:14-17). The Church should help to discourage what is unbecoming of the saints and encourage
what is approved of God. The Couple on their part must ensure their Conversion to Christ, Knowledge
about Christian marriage, Choice based on irreversible convictions and unconditional commitment to
complementary intimacy according to divine ordinance.
We have already seen that to get married, apart from prayer for guidance and preparation for
marriageability, one has to go through the phases/stages of
- Finding and Choosing,
- Consent and Confirmation,
- Commitment (Engagement) and Courtship,
- Covenant (Wedding) and Consummation (Coition), then
- Continuation in Complementary union.
For each turn of these phases there are precautions that Christians must be well advised to take.
1. CONVINCED CHOICE (Finding)

(i). Believers should marry only fellow believers of similar commitment (Exo 34:14-16; 1Cor. 7:39; 9:5;
2Cor. 6:14-17) after they have prayed to God for help and guidance (Gen 24:12-19).
(ii). Only believers are determined to base relationships and conflict resolution on the Word of God and
commitment to Christ. Unbelievers depend on ever shifting opinions, interests, and philosophies – lacking
any sure basis for agreement (Amos 3:3). Form of virtue not anchored on God’s Word is unreliable. If you
are a believer, save yourself the heartache of being in-law to the devil and not being able to please God all
through your married life!!!
(iii). Those getting married should have come of age (males from about 25years old and females from
about 20years old usually Exod 30:14; Lev 27:3-4; Num 8:24). They must first be born again by the Holy
Spirit through a lively faith in Christ.
(iv). Before choosing a marriage partner, believers must have prepared themselves to become:
(a) Mature in human relations and sense of respectability, morality and responsibility.
(b) Knowledgeable in basic teachings on Christian Marriage.
(c) Worthy of being married as a favour from God to someone else (1Tim. 3:2-12; Pr. 31:10-31)
(d) Ready for marriage – Physically, Socially, Mentally, Financially, and Spiritually ready to
MEETLY HELP a spouse. A woman who is not HAPPY to be often overruled by her
husband’s decision is not yet ready for Christian marriage; also a man who is not HAPPY
to avail all his possession for his wife is not yet ready for Christian marriage (Gen 3:16-17;
Num 30:1-9; Eccl 5:3-7; Col 3:18-19).

Marriage requires maturity for nuclear husband-wife bonding or union as well as for
wider in-law relationship. Couples must give due responsibility to their in-laws and
relations but this must never override their responsibility to their spouses. Once married,
the closest next of kin is your spouse. Especially, every wife must take her husband’s
people as her people (Ruth 1:16-17; Psa 45:10, 16).
(e) Experienced in RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD which requires maturity in KNOWLEDGE
OF GOD’S WILL and PRECEPTS (as we spiritually meditate on what God has decreed,
demonstrated and declared, commanded, condemned and commended in His Word Josh
1:8; Rom 12:2; Eph 5:17) for spiritual insight in God’s ways (See on “God’s Will” in
Seminar 2). Such spiritual maturity is conversant with SEEKING GOD’S GUIDANCE and
committed to FOLLOWING GOD’S LEADING and PROMPTINGS in order to ensure
right and true spiritual walk with God in life’s circumstances through a combination of:
■ Meditation on GOD’S WORD (Psa 119:103-106),
■ Christian COUNSEL/Sharpening (Pro 15:22; 24:6; 27:17),
■ the HOLY SPIRIT’s Witness/Leading (Isa 30:21; Act 10:19-21; Rom 8:14; Gal 5:18),
■ Faith in God (Rom 8:28, 35-39),
■ Righteous Walk (Psa 37:23-24; Pro 4:18-23; Gal 5:16),
■ all backed by PRAYER (Gen 24:12-15).
■ Often people gullibly depend entirely on:
– Trance/Visions/DREAMS (Act 10:9-18; 16:6-10; 22:17-18) and
– casting Lots/Fleeces (Judg 6:36-40; Act 1:16-26),
but these are not easy means or sure proofs of God’s will (Jer 23:16,22,32). Dreams
could be a revelation from God (Act 16:6) or the product of our minds arising from our
multitudes of business (Ecc 5:3; Dan 2:29). Apart from the Urim and Thummim (1Sam 28:6;
Neh 7:65) which are no longer existent, no other fleece-throwing type of lots-casting (Judg
6:35-40) is full proof. Voting type of lots-casting used for getting people to office is
democratically valid (Act 1:16-26) but not always full proof.
(v). Your marriage partner should be someone you unconditionally love to marry for life at every cost, a
mature Christian like you, with compatible religious convictions, and agreeable social background
educational status, tastes, visions, goals, interests and age brackets. These are to be inquired into before
Engagement and discussed during Courtship. This is to avoid future tensions and conflicts.
(vi). Our choice must be determined by our desire and decision to meet God’s standards for marriage.
Whom we find to marry is determined by how we depend on and follow after God’s leading/guidance.
2. CONSENT and CONFIRMATION

(i). Usually it is the man who proposes (as the leading accountable partner) and the woman who accepts
marriage intentions. The man finds the wife as God leads him to choose. (Gen. 24:27; Pr. 18:22; 16:9; 19:14,
31; Ps. 37:23, 31). However, there was the unusual instance of Ruth (Ruth 3:6-9).
(ii). After a brother who is ready for marriage has been peacefully assured of God’s leading towards
marrying a sister, the brother proposes marriage to the sister in simple and plain language (Gen. 24:33).
After prayerful and sincere consideration, the sister accepts the proposal or rejects as the case may be.
(iii). Waiting for a brother to propose or for a sister to accept may take a long time. A brother or sister
should wait as long as he or she still has the conviction to do so (Gen. 24:49-58). The theory of the “only
particular missing rib” is mere imagination; otherwise celibacy would not be a spiritual gift and widowers
should not remarry another man’s rib! (1Cor 7:7-8). What matters here is the concurrence of divine leading,
personal conviction and mutual consent on whom to readily offer your life to/for (Amos 3:3).
(iv). In rejecting proposals, sisters should be mature, polite, considerate but plain enough. Brothers on the
other hand should not take, “I won’t marry you” to mean, “We are enemies”. Marital love is more important
than our egotistic feelings.
(v). Christian believers do not think about nor condone sensual boyfriend and girlfriend propositions or
advances, unchaste going-out, dating and relationships as practiced in the world today, without readiness
for marriage. These postmodern heathenish ways must be shunned together with their usual carnal
inordinate affection and sexual intentions. The Church is the household of God and we must relate amongst
ourselves biblically as family members (1Tim. 5:1-3), with all purity and respect (1Pet. 1:22; 3:8-12).
(vi). After being sure that they have agreed to marry, the couple must inform their parents and pastors or
fellowship leaders immediately. This opens doors for counselling while shutting out mistakes and regrets.
(vii). Before going further your consent must first be confirmed (i.e. clearing doubts/impediments like
HIV and SS tests, confirming God’s will, securing parental consent). Then it must be nurtured by building
trust/love and by praying and planning together for betrothal and eventual marriage.
3. COMMITMENT (Engagement) and COURTSHIP

(i). Engagement is not wedding. When two mature Christians (a male and a female), having agreed to
marry each other enter into a betrothing commitment, they are said to be engaged. This usually involves
the consent of their parents and/or pastors with some basic obligations usually expected of the man.
(ii). Courtship is not marriage. It is the period between the engagement/betrothal and Church Wedding.
Others may, but Christians cannot afford to indulge in sexual relations before their wedding: no matter how
far they have gone with traditional engagement ceremonies. Don’t defile your relationship before
solemnization. You can wait till you are TRULY MARRIED!!! (1Cor. 6:18,19; Eph. 5:1-7; 1Thes. 4:2-8;
Heb. 13:4). Marriage is worth waiting for.
(iii). Couples in courtship should appoint times to fast and pray. With the wisdom of God’s Word, they
should build each other up in the faith; discuss family plans, visions, views, and ministries. They should
learn how to adjust to and respect each other, love and be loved in all purity. Privacy should be by staying
together beyond eavesdropping distance not by closet enclosure which gives impetus to salacious
tendencies. They must avoid staying behind closed doors, late nights, or in dark corners. Flee evil
appearances to glorify God and be serious with fellowship and Church activities.
(iv). Sexual relationship (or its appearance of fondling and petting) must be avoided at all cost during
courtship. Some who have tried to play with the fire of passion have gotten themselves burnt to bear scars of
fornication and guilt. (Prov 6:27; 1Thes. 5:22; 1Cor. 6:18; Jas. 4:7).
(v). There are safe, godly and honourable ways to show love, which are also inexpensive. (Gen. 24:22;
Phil. 4:8), e.g. letters, notes, text messages, emails, phone calls, helps, smiles, advice, empathy and easily
affordable gifts (books, cards, flowers, edibles, etc). True Love is shown by giving some godly help or
favour and paying some godly price or sacrifice for the godly good of another. God is love and love is
of God (1John 4:7-8). Any feigned show of love that has no divine source or purpose is ultimately evil.
(vi). Christian couples in courtship must mean to marry (not to try themselves out). Apart from
fornication, other dangers to avoid during courtship include: deceit, exploitation, suspicion, betrayal of
confidence, neglect, discouragement, loss of interest, disengagement, etc.
(vii). Some laws, customs, and traditions are usually encountered during courtship. The Church agrees that
some of these that concur with our faith should not be despised but be utilised to serve for betrothals, but
never as marriage union or joining. For instance involvement of the extended family, payment of bride price
to the bride’s parents by the groom, or dowry to the bride by her parents or by the groom and legal
registration of marriage.
(viii). In following these practices Christians should refuse to be dragged into (or ensure they drag no one
into) idolatry and practices that are against the Word of God. Inconsiderate demands (tasking the bride
and demanding high bride price) should be shunned by the Church. Nevertheless, gentleness,
steadfastness, wisdom and patience are needed in handling such issues. Sound counselling is important here.
(ix). Courtship is a time to ensure that the parent and relative agree to willingly release the couples so they
could effectively leave their parents to be joined as one flesh. It is also the time to approach marriage
councillors, pastors, and elders, Christian books and seminars on marriage are important at this time. (Pr.
11:14; 15:22).
4. COVENANT (Wedding), CONSUMMATION and COMPLEMENTING

(i) Christina Wedding is the public COVENANTING of engaged couples with Marriage
Ordinance vows derived from the teachings of Christ. For Christian believers, the Wedding Day marks
the true beginning of Christian Marriage or Holy Matrimony. It is the day that true marriage is publicly
contracted, enacted and celebrated.
(ii). The wedding service is a public examination of the basis of marriage, demonstration of consent,
declaration of marriage covenant vows, joining and blessing in the name of Christ, with the Church as
witness. The marriage Covenant Union was devised by God and so is not the same as Friendship,
Contract or Partnership devised by human minds.
(iii). In choosing the wedding date, all concerned must be considered; not only the couple, but also their
parents, the Church and the officiating ministers.
(iv). Normally when wedding a Christian maiden that has kept herself pure, she wears a decent White
wedding gown (Rev 19:8) with veiled face (Gen. 24:65; Song 4:1), bridal adornment (Jer 2:32; Ezek 16:11-
12; Rev 21:2) and the order for full wedding service is used. This portrays and promotes chastity before
marriage. For remarrying widows (Rom 7:1-4; 1Cor 7:8-9; 1Cor 7:39; 1Tim 5:11-14) the face is not veiled.
Unlike the Engagement Ring (Gen 24:22) given before marriage as a gift or token of love, the Church
Wedding Ring is not a gift but duty. The Wedding Ring is an enduring legal seal of guarantee or certifying
token of co-heritage that secures the Bride’s right of co-possession and heritage of her husband’s estate,
similar to Christ’s seal of the Holy Spirit for the Church (Eph 1:13-14). This is clearly evident from the
ancient Church’s words for giving the ring, contrary to erroneous thinking often seen today. The giving of
the Bride by her family removes her from her father’s heritage, except for her dower. The transfer of
heritage security (somewhat similar to Germanic mund or Romanic manus) through the Wedding Ring
bond (Anglo-Saxon wed=bond) ensures that no one has multiple heritage lineages. This demands the prior
settlement and fulfilment of basic communal, civil, and legal requirements. This is why Church Wedding
has to come last.
(v). Appoint and ascertain officials, Ministers, and venues well ahead of time. Give adequate publicity.
Procure appropriate wedding gown and ring (Ezek 16:8-13). Plan a brief ceremony according to your pocket
and to God’s glory. Rejoice because marriage is God’s favour towards you for your own good (Ps. 118:23,
24). It is your day of royalty (Ps. 45).
(vi). Arrange adequate privacy and secure your own home for the honeymoon consummation (Gen. 2:22-
25; Deut. 24:5; Song 4:6), and for the continuation of the married life.
(vii). For the continuation of matrimony to be enjoyable, it must have a relational intimacy nurtured by
both couple playing their complementary roles well (as outlined in Seminar 2).
REPARATIONS FOR PROBLEMS ASSOCIATED WITH MARRIAGE.

Christian Marriage is unique. No one should enter into Christian Marriage union with
any spouse that one is not ready to happily live with for life, unconditionally. IT IS BEST NOT
TO MARRY A SPOUSE YOU ARE NOT READY TO FORGIVE ANYTHING. YOU DON'T LOVE
SOMEONE ENOUGH FOR CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE IF THERE IS SOMETHING YOU CAN'T FORGIVE
THAT PERSON FOR. Those already married without this consideration should re-examine themselves and
purpose such unto the Lord.
ON DIVORCE:
God hates divorce, we can never get Him to like it. Evil can never become good before God (Mal 2:14-17).
Divorce is the product of human culture born out of human hardness of heart. It can never become part
of God's marriage institution in the Scripture (Mar 10:1-12).
Many may rationalise or hypothesize many scenarios that may seem intolerable and intractable to justify
divorce, forgetting that the real reason for marriage is not to enjoy tractable and tolerable situations but
to help their life-partners in their intractable and intolerable situations.
Mundane and Christian marriages are on two divergent platforms. MUNDANE (Traditional and/or Legal)
marriage belongs to people who instituted it for demanding satisfaction contrary to the beginning. The
world does with their marriage whatever seems rationally good to them based on their hard-hearted
selfish Cultures. This marriage is powered by human passion and founded on relational demand leading
to relational scarcity. On the other hand, CHRISTIAN marriage covenant belongs to God Who instituted
it for selfless service as in the beginning. The Church must do with God’s marriage only what is
spiritually right with God as He has commanded in the inspired Scripture. This marriage is powered by
the Spirit of Grace and wisely founded for relational HELP supply leading to relational HELP surplus.
Christian marriage has NO ROOM FOR DIVORCE WHATSOEVER (Mal 2:16; 1Co 7:10-11; Mark 10:11-
12; Luk 16:18). To divorce your spouse is to despair and prematurely adjudge him or her as being
irredeemably and eternally damned, but none has that knowledge (1Cor 7:16) or authority (1Cor
4:5), To divorce is to be irreconcilably judgmental against your spouse and divorce requires due judicial
process. Believers cannot dare to be that judgmentally unforgiving except the non-Christian divorces the
Christian and remarries (1Cor 7:15). The provision for adultery (Mat 5:32; 19:9) should be noted with
the fact that the adulterer had to have been judicially sued and stoned for adultery (Lev 20:10; Deut
22:21-24; John 8:5) not merely suspected and sacked. Again the aggrieved suing spouse must be
guiltless of sin, especially of fornication (John 8:7) including mental fornication according to Christ’s
standards in Matt 5:28. Olden day’s partiality used to spare adulterers, but today’s fairness also spares
adulteresses. As much as possible Christians should rather forbear and retain their erring spouses
(Hosea 3; John 8:3-11), but do their best to pray for and seek counsel and help for them. Believers
should never initiate nor provoke a divorce suit, but rather make peace (1Cor 7:15).
In event of non-Christian “marriages” done before conversion, the Christian convert spouse must never
provoke nor sue the non-converted spouse for divorce (1Co 7:12-17; 1Pet 3:1-2). Since the Church has
no platform to subject unbelievers to the doctrine of Christ and Church discipline except to make peace,
we can do nothing if the unbelieving spouse insists on divorce despite our peace efforts (1Cor 7:15).
This is one reasons why those converted before marriage should not be unequally yoked with
unbelievers (2Cor 6:14-15). Do not knowingly get enticed to make the Devil your father-in-law!
Christian marriage when mishandled may get tense enough to cause one to depart due to fury or abscond due
to fear without divorce. Such separation must not mean divorce or lead to remarriage, but requires
chastity, prayer, arbitration and patience till reconciliation and reunion (1Cor 7:10-11). Remarriage in
the Church is only for widows/widowers (1Cor 7:39).
There is a cross to bear for every venture in this life.
Someone observed that every human is mad or nearly mad or prone to madness; and marriage is the
milieu for the easiest prevention or easiest precipitation of the symptoms. Prayerfully comport
yourself with temperance and diligently relate with your spouse in such a delicate way that none of
you cracks (1Pet 3:6-8); but if you fail, seek help. If help fails and you are endangered and
frightened, find refuge meanwhile, but never seek divorce nor shun reconciliation. Never fail to
remain hopeful because for sure, every human is either sane or nearly sane or prone to sanity.
ON REPARATIONS
The Church’s Canon Laws and pastoral experience over the years have a wealth of wisdom on dealing with
problems that arise in marriages. Some of these are listed below:

1. UNSOLEMNIZED ESPOUSAL AND COHABITATION: couples who began to live
together as spouses on any spiritually faulty basis (e.g. premarital child bearing, unchristian ordinances –
whether trivial or traditional, idolatrous or Islamic, legal or illegal) other than Church Solemnization are not
properly MARRIED and should rectify this spiritual and ecclesiastical anomaly by Christian solemnization
of their marriage through a service of BLESSING OF MARRIAGE. This would ensure that they go through
proper pastoral counselling and enter into proper Christian marriage covenant based on New Testament
doctrine and concept of marriage, In 1Cor. 7:10-14, unsolemnized spouses were not called THE MARRIED
by the New Testament Scriptures, but were rather called THE REST.
2. SEPARATION/REUNION: couples who are separated should pray fervently for speedy
reconciliation and reunion to escape Satan’s snares (1Cor 7:5, 10, 11). They must never contemplate
wantonness or remarriage as long as they both shall live. EVEN FULL LEGAL DIVORCE CAN AND
SHOULD BE REVERSED AND ANNULLED BY CHRISTIANS.
3. DANGER FROM VIOLENCE: couples who engage in domestic violence may need to be
protectively separated to resolve the cause of the violence (backsliding, indiscretion, misdemeanour,
psychological indisposition, mental malady, etc) before they are reunited. Such measures to resolve
domestic violence include, Church counselling and discipline, Medical measures, Legal reprimand and
remand.
4. DIVORCE/DESERTION by unbelieving spouse gives Privilegium Paulinum (1Cor 7:15) to the

faithful spouse but advisably delayed till after Sabbatical Refractory Desertion or after Remarriage of
Refractory Deserter. Before taking this privilege every effort, prayer, patience must be put in to make way
for peace as pointed out in the same verse of the Scripture.
5. REMARRIAGE.
The Church has biblical mandate for Ecclesiastical “Excommunication” for discipline in extreme
misdemeanour (Matt 18:17-18; 1Co 5; 2Cor 2:6-11; 2Thes 3:6,14,15; 1Tim 1:20), but in addition, some
Churches has provided what they call Ecclesiastical “Dispensation” through the Bishops to permit
remarriage under the following extreme circumstances. However, no Christian should hope/aim to scheme
up these circumstances in order to obtain a so-called “dispensation” from the Church. Approval from the
Church through deception or dispensation is not the same as approval from God (John 5:30-34; 1Cor 4:3-
4; Gal 6:7).
a. Death of Spouse gives freedom for remarriage to the widow/widower (Rom 7:1-3), except that the
remarriage must be in the Lord (1Cor 7:39-40). This requires a certain period of widowhood to prayerfully
consider and enquire into all matters relating to possible remarriage. For instance: Must one remarry (1Cor
7:6-9)? And at what time (1Tim 5:9-15)? What about the children if already born? etc.
The remarrying widow is faced with matters of forfeiting all legal rights in her late husband’s estate and
abandoning her former children with him as well as issues of possible younger children from the new
husband.
The remarrying widower is faced with the problems of joining his new wife with the children of his late
wife as well as issues of possible younger children from the new wife.
b. Privilegium Paulinum (1Cor 7:15) applicable to pre-conversion customary union with yet
unbelieving spouse who departs or divorces). However, it is necessary to give reasonable time for prayers
and possible restoration or even conversion.
c. Privilegium Christum (Matt 19:9) applicable to Christian union with an apostate spouse who
becomes wayward, deserts, divorces or remarries. This privilege should be understood to be originally
meant for a Jewish marriage where the adulterer or adulteress is sued and stoned to death according to the
Law (Lev 20:10; Deut 22:13-21). But Christians should follow Christ’s judgment (John 8:3-11) and the
Prophet Hosea’s example (Hos 3). It is necessary to give reasonable time for prayers and possible restoration
to the faith and to reunion.
d. Sabbatical Refractory Desertion by the apostate or unbelieving spouse should be advisably
ensured before remarriage by the faithful. The Church in the past has advised a minimum of seven years of
patient prayer in all purity to sue for peace and persuade for repentance of the recalcitrant spouse before
considering any privilege or dispensation for remarriage.
e. Remarriage of Refractory Deserter may make sabbatical period unnecessary.
f. Concealment of bigamy or unbearable sexual undifferentiation/malformation/malfunction (Mat
19:12) which to some extent may invalidate a marriage vow to be the only living and opposite sex spouse.
g. Childlessness despite prayers of faith and long waiting on God, should never be a reason for
polygamy, remarriage or divorce. Childlessness in Christian marriage union is either ignored or solved with
legal CHILD ADOPTION (Gen 15:1-3), after all our son-ship and heir-ship in God's Kingdom are by
adoption (Rom 8:14-17; Eph 1:5; 1John 3:1-3). In-vitro fertilisation or test-tube baby (preferred to artificial
insemination) when done with the gametes of the married couple themselves is most appropriate rather than
with donor gametes or with foster mothers which are actually complicated forms of indirect adoption.
6. “STATUS QUO ANTE” AT CONVERSION (1Cor 7:17, 20, 24).

a. Polygamy is unchristian, though if entered into before conversion is condoned or tolerated by the
Church on condition of no further marriage and no leadership prominence in the Church; but may be
dissolved by personal convictions, giving due consideration for the children’s welfare and on condition of no
further remarriage (John 8:11).
b. Remarried before conversion should stay remarried except for peace and restitution but on
condition of no further remarriage. Christians who remarry as a result of defiance, backsliding or apostasy
should be sanctioned with ecclesiastical excommunication and similar discipline.
c. Broken Marriage (Divorced/Separated) before conversion should not remarry without thoroughly
resolving the pre-Christian union through pastoral counselling, prayer, peace and patience. One should seek
to reunite if the other party had not yet remarried and has also become converted.
d. Single Parent with Extramarital Children before conversion. Such biological children usually
have no legitimate claim to their parents’ estate under most customary and statutory marriage laws, except
when properly adopted or in some other special circumstances. The fate of such illegitimate children should
be negotiated before proper marriage of former single parents.
e. Monogamy before conversion should be upgraded to Christian Marriage with “Marriage
Blessing” service where the couple plight troth according to God’s holy ordinance.
ON INHERITANCE (See http://www.scribd.com/doc/65032801/Christian-Family-

Inheritance-and-Seccession)
There are four types of inheritance that apply in Nigeria: Testamentary, Statutory (Intestate), Customary
and Concessionary. Inheritance devolutions depend on the type of marriage contracted (Customary
Marriage or Statutory Marriage).
a. Testamentary as the Testator has the authority before death, to bequeath his non-communal estate
as he wills to any heir or child, whether biological, non-biological, adopted, non-adopted, legitimate,
illegitimate, near or far as he/she wills. The death of a testator activates his/her Will (Heb 9:16-17).
b. Statutory (Intestate) according to probate devolution laws, usually for their widows, legitimate
(biological and adopted) descendants and kindred. This applies fully to private estate and has limited
application to customary estate inherited as native customary trust.
c. Customary for both legitimate (biological or adoptive) and even illegitimate children according to
local custom.
d. Concessionary by legitimate heirs with kind consideration for any non-adopted and extramarital
children who are testamentarily or statutorily unfavoured because they are not legally entitled to heritage.
<<BACK TO TOP>>

THE CHRISTIAN AND CULTURE II
MOURNING (Background Bible Study)

MOURNING is the experience and expression of sadness and sorrow for sinfulness (repentance from
iniquity) and suffering (bereavement, disaster). God made the creation GOOD but IMPERFECT (Gen 1-2).
Man’s rebellion against God brought sin and inhumane suffering while God’s curse on human sin brought
judgmental suffering for humanity as well as distress and disaster on the whole creation (Gen 3; Rom 8:18-
23). Thanks be to God for the help and hope of redemptive deliverance through Christ from all
defilement and damnation of our sin and from all distress of our suffering (Mat 11:28-30; Luk 4:18-19;
Rom 8). The way Christians mourn for iniquity or adversity should be determined by the truth revealed in
the Scripture not by the worldly culture of our society (2Cor 7:9-10; 1Thes 4:13).
INSTANCES where God’s people mourned abound in Scripture:

(1) Mourning for calamities, Job (Job 1:20-21; Job 2:8; Job 16:15); Exile Jews after the decree to
annihilate them (Est. 4:1-4); the Ninevites when divine judgment was prophesied (Jonah 3:5); Israel when
defeated by the Benjaminites (Judg. 20:26), and when Jerusalem was destroyed (Lam. 2:10-11), etc.
(2) Mourning for the dead, Abraham mourned for Sarah (Gen. 23:2); Jacob for Joseph (Gen 37:34, 35); the
Egyptians for Jacob (Gen 50:3-10); Israel for Aaron (Num. 20:29), for Moses (Deut. 34:8), and for Samuel
(1Sam. 25:1); David for Abner (2Sam. 3:31-35), for Saul/Jonathan (2Sam 1; 1Sam 31:13), and for Absalom
(2Sam 18:33); Mary and Martha for Lazarus (John 11:31-36); devout men for Stephen (Acts 8:2), etc. TO
BE SURE, The culture of feasting during funerals by some is rather absurd and should be denounced
not copied by the Church. The Christian is to mourn being COMFORTED with HOPE (1Thes 4:13-18) but
this does not mean to mourn with idolatry, sorcery, revelry and feasting as others do.
(3) Penitential Mourning, by the Israelites on the Day of Atonement (Lev. 23:27; Neh. 9:1-2); under
Samuel's ministry (1Sam. 7:6); predicted by Ezekiel (Ezk. 7:18); and by Zechariah (Zech. 12:10, 11); in
many of the Psalms (51, etc.); by Ahab (1 Kin. 21:27-29); by Daniel (Dan. 9:3-4); of Ninevites respected by
God (Jonah 3:6-10); expected by God (Isa. 22:12); expected by Christ (Matt. 11:21); enjoined by the
Apostle (Jas. 4:8-9), enjoined by the Prophets (Joel 2:12-18) etc.
NOTE that it is Penitential mourning not Funeral mourning that is commanded, encouraged and
most commonly demonstrated in the Scripture. Every mourner needs to be comforted with relief, with
funeral or with release as the case may be.
EXPRESSION of grief and sorrow during mourning are of various manners and outward forms in the
Scripture:
The Head: uncovered (Lev. 10:6; Lev 21:10); covered (2Sam. 15:30; 2Sam. 19:4; Esth. 6:12; Jer. 14:3-4);
ashes on (Job 2:8; 42:6; Ezk. 27:30); dust on (Josh. 7:6; Rev. 18:19); hands on (2Sam. 13:19; Jer. 2:37).
Bald shave: complete shave of the head for penitence or calamity ONLY (Lev. 10:6; Ezra 9:3, 13; Job 1:20;
Isa. 22:12;). Any form of head shaving to honour the dead was forbidden as idolatrous ancestral worship
(Lev. 19:27-28; Deut. 14:1-2) but was prophesied as judgment against idolatrous Israel (Jer. 7:29; Jer 16:6-
7; Ezk. 27:30-32; Amos 8:10; Mic. 1:16).
NOTE that bald shave was not only a symbol of mourning but also a sign of purification (Lev. 14:8-9; Acts
18:18; Acts 21:24) and humiliation (Jer. 47:5). Apart from natural baldness (Lev. 13:40-41), men were not
allowed into the temporary Old Testament Temple (2Cor 3:11) with bald shave or uncovered head (except
for mourning or purification); they could only make low-cut hairstyles but must cover their heads when in
the Temple (Ezk. 44:20; 2Cor 3:15-18). The uncovering of men's head in the Church Assembly of the

permanent New Testament (2Cor 3:11) is because of the finished work of Christ and the presence of the
Angels (1Cor 11:1-3,10).
In Christ however, men honour Christ with short hair in the society but uncovered heads in Church (Exo
34:34-35; 2Cor 3:7-18) to symbolise the manifestation of Christ’s glory to the Angels (1Cor 11:2-4, 7, 10).
Women veil their heads in Church to conceal the shame of human glories symbolized by their head (for
male glory) and their hair (for female glory); thus Christian women veiled during worship, honour Christ
and betoken and demonstrate their sonship authority to the Angels – NOT betokening their subordination
to men’s authority as some may think erroneously (1Cor 11:2-3, 7, 10, 15). Even Angels cover their heads in
worship (Isa 6:2).
THE FELLOWSHIP GATHERING OF THE NEW TESTAMENT CHURCH IS ASSEMBLY WITH

ANGELIC PRESENCE (Heb 12:22-24). This angelic culture revealed to the Apostles overrides every
other culture and consideration (1Cor 11:16; 14:36-38).
Neglect of Appearance: no ornaments (Exd. 33:4-6; Deut. 21:12-13; Matt. 6:16-17); no pomade (2Sam.
14:2); torn clothes (Gen. 37:29,34; 2Sam. 1:2,11; Job 1:20; Acts 14:14); naked (Isa. 20:1-4; 47:2); barefoot
(2Sam. 15:30).
Mourning Dress: usually Sackcloth – a rough material (Zech. 13:4) made from coarse hair of goat or camel
(Matt. 3:4) and black in colour (Jer. 14:2; Rev. 6:12). Sackcloth was worn during mourning (Gen. 37:34;
38:14; 2Sam. 3:31; 2Sam. 14:2; 2Sam. 21:10; Job 16:15; Jer. 4:8; 6:25; Ezk. 7:18; Joel 1:8). NOTE that
Sackcloth was once the formal ministerial vestment for prophets (2Kin. 1:8; Isa. 20:2; Zec 13:4; Matt. 3:4;
Rev. 11:3). The widows garments (Gen 38:14, Gen 38:19) were not the same as mourning clothes (2Sa 14:2)
but a style of dressing without veil, that was meant to distinguish widows in the society.
With Abstinence/Fasting; (1Sam. 31:13; 2Sam. 1:12; 2Sam. 3:35; Dan 6:18; 10:2-3; Joel 2:12-18; Matt
6:16-18).
On the Ground: prostrate (2Sam. 12:16; Job 1:20; Mark 14:34-36); sitting (Isa. 3:26).
Forms of Crying: tearful weeping (Gen. 23:2; 1Sam. 30:4; Matt. 2:18; John 11:35); loud wailing (Esth. 4:3;
Jer. 9:17-21; Ezk. 27:32; Luke 23:27); agonizing strong cry (Mark 15:34-37; Heb 5:7-8); verbally lamenting
with dirge of tribute to the dead, or songs of confession of sin for our failings or the loss of the dead or
livelihood, or songs of gratitude and submission to God for giving and taking (Gen. 50:10; 1Sam. 6:19;
2Sam. 1:17-27; 18:33; Job 1:21; Acts 8:2) in consolation for the bereaved and aggrieved.
Mourning with Songs: David’s Dirge of the Bow (2Sam 1), Jeremiah’s compilation and the lament (or
dirge) musicians (2Chron. 35:25); Wailing women and professional dirge singing mourners (Jer. 9:17-21;
Matt. 9:23).
FORBIDDEN pagan funeral mourning practices:

■ Christians should avoid Gentile style cutting/tattooing of the body to venerate the dead, appease the gods
or express sorrow and despair (Lev. 19:28; 1Kin 18:28; Jer 48:36-37); ritual hairstyles like shaving corners
of the head to leave a tuft of hair in the middle of the scalp – not only for expressing sorrow but also for
ancestral worship (Lev. 19:27; 21:5-6; Deut. 14:1-2).
The Scripture likens heathenish SYNCRETISM to PROSTITUTION. The way this applied to
Israel’s escapades with ancient PAGAN cultures (Jer 2-3; Ezek 16), so it applies to the Church
with today’s native and modern PAGAN cultures (Rev 17-18). Ancient and modern Gentile ways
are mainly perverse and rebellious against God as well as defiling and detrimental to God’s
people (Lev 18:24-25; Eph 4:17-20).
■ Skin Cuts and Tattoos usually have ritual or religious overtones and are therefore forbidden for the
saints (Lev 19:28). The only skin cutting seal commanded by God is circumcision (Gen 17:11; Rom 4:11).
However, in Christ circumcision as a ritual is nullified and replaced by the Grace signs/seals of Water
and Spirit Baptisms (Gal 5:6; 6:15; Eph 1:13; Col 2:11-12; Rev 7:1-9). Gentile cultures use
PERMANENT skin marks (cuts/tattoos) as signs and seals for:
1. ancestral veneration (Lev 19:27-28),
2. appeasing their gods, totems or demons (1Kin 18:28),
3. expression of sorrow and despair (Jer 48:36-37),
4. tribal/clan identification or recognition,
5. clannish, titular, cultic or totemic initiations (Rev 13:16-18; 14:9-11; 19:20),
6. blood covenant ratification (Gen 17:11; Act 7:8),
7. exotic (other-worldly) and totemic beautification and
8. occult bondage, spiritistic dedication and possession.
All these are heathenish and antithetical or repugnant to the Gospel. Skin marks, symbols, designs,
mutilations and blemishes should therefore be avoided by Christians and the Church (Lev 21:5-6; Gal
5:9-13; Phil 3:2; Rev 20:4) All those who already had cuts/tattoos before conversion must ensure they
repent of such mutilations and renounce the ritual/religious purposes connected to such blemishes and
never mark their skins any further (John 5:14; 8:11).Temporary skin paintings with cosmetics are not
cuts/tattoos (2Kin 9:30); but even such cosmetics may sometimes have ritual significance.
■ Totemism is spiritistic derivation from and subjection to animal familiars (bestial totemism), plants, or
natural objects. Totemic subjection is associated with bondage influence on a people’s religious
convictions/taboos/tattoos, personal identity and behaviour, and social customs of certain individuals,
family or whole clan. Unlike ordinary animism which is fetish veneration and idolatry (Rom 1:18-24),
totemism is intense occult subjection or demonic possession by the spirit or powers of the totem enabling
the possessed to do signs and wonders (Act 16:16-18).
Christians who had been involved in totemism prior to conversion must repent, renounce and
denounce such for their deliverance.
■ Priests are not to dishevel themselves when bereaved (Lev. 10:6; Lev 21:1-12). This should apply to all
Christians during mourning and fasting generally (Matt. 6:16-18), since in the New Covenant Christians
are all priests in Christ (1Pet. 2:5, 9; Rev 1:6; Rev 5:10); and we are exhorted not to mourn in despair
since we have hope of eternal life (1Thes. 4:13). Christians should mourn with hope like heavenly Royal
Priests.
Funeral mourning for Christians, should not be a matter of mandatory enforcement of cultural rituals
but of voluntary expression of godly grief, because Christians are free from and above such beggarly
cultural and enslaving ritual laws which are based on superstitions (Rom. 8:15; Gal. 4:1-7; Gal 5:1).
SUPERSTITIONS about death, mourning and funerals include:

■ That if the deceased is not mourned in some particular or befitting way, the spirit will be hindered from
rest or from reaching certain destination; and if not buried by some particular people in a particular way in a
particular village the bereaved or the clan would not derive some powers from the spirit of the dead.
■ That on the third day, seventh day, or such other days, the spirit of the deceased reaches or needs to reach
certain destination or attainment that demands some rites from the living.
■ That a befitting burial (Eccl 6:3) is not merely proper interment of the deceased saint by the Church but
burial accompanied with costly, crowded, culturally elaborate and protracted funeral or mourning done
with extended absenteeism of the bereaved from Church.
■ That there is second chance by reincarnation in another lifetime or purgation in sheol’s ‘purgatory’ or
remediation by suffering after the first resurrection and rapture of the Just (Heb 9:27).
■ That the death or sleep of the body marks the cessation of consciousness of the spirit-soul.
■ That certain funeral rites or "R.I.P.” prayers done by the living can alter the spiritual destiny of the
diseased or the bereaved (Luk 16:22-26).
■ That some spiritual attack or divine judgment is always the root cause of disaster or someone’s demise
(1Kin 14:12-13; John 9:1-3).
■ That the spirit of the dead could hang around with the living on earth or be brought back to the earth by
mediums and necromancers (Isa 8:19-20).
NOTE: If necromancy could bring back the true spirits of the dead to earth, why have sorcerers never
raised any dead person back to life? It is therefore obvious that the purported “spirits of the dead” are
familiar spirits or mere imagination.
What is possible and true is that we could have vision, dream or trance which involves issues
about the dead without bringing out their spirits to us, the same way our dreams involve issues about the
living without bringing out their spirits to us. Such visions or dreams could be ordinary (Ecc 5:3) or
demonic, but could be revelatory as God permits. Divination Séances could also be used by mediums or
sorcerers. Mediums are demon-possessed sorcerers who have learned a divination method (i.e. sorcery
Num 23:1-5; 24:1) to "dream" ("conjure up to their minds" or in illusions, NOT actually to the earth
1Sam 28:8, 11) of specific persons or matters while consciously awake (i.e. séance Num 24:3-4, 15-16)
through the help of familiar spirits and enchantments (Deut 18:10-12). Vision, dream and séance
involving the living or the dead is about either spiritual telecommunication or delusional imagination
rather than translocation of the actual spirits of the living or the dead who are “seen” in those instances.
In 1Sam 28 the medium “brought up” her familiar spirits (to her mind NOT to the earth) by
divination (1Sam 28:8) but by divine intervention she encountered an unfamiliar “god”, which King Saul
believed to be Samuel (1Sam 28:13-14), and God intervened in the situation to pronounce judgment on
Saul. (as God intervened with Balaam’s divination to pronounce blessing on Israel Num 23:23; 24:1-2)
Be warned that where divination and enchantments always fail because of divine intervention
(Num 23:23; John 10:29), deception and enticements may succeed because of divine indignation (Num
31:16; Heb 10:38; 2Pet 2:13-15).
Some instances of spectacular connection or communication with heaven:

■ At the transfiguration, revelation was given to the Apostles when Christ underwent glorious
transfiguration, heavenly glory came down to overshadow them, while Moses and Elijah appeared and
were seen discussing with Christ (Mat 17:1-8; 2Pet 1:16-18).
■ Paul (2Cor 12) and John (Rev 4-22) also had revelatory access by being “raptured” (carried/caught up)
in the spirit into heaven.
■ On the Damascus road, Saul experienced heaven connecting down to the earth; even his companions
saw the flash of the light and heard the sound of the voice from heaven but could not grasp Jesus’ words
directed to Saul (Act 9:3-8; 22:6-11). This was similar to the case of the Holy Monday crowd of Jews and
Greeks with Jesus in Jerusalem (John 12:28-30).
<<BACK TO TOP>>
LIFE AFTER DEATH

Esteem accorded the diseased and worldview on life after death influence how the dead are mourned.
Human observation (eye & ear) and contemplation (mind) have no access to the truth about God’s
provisions for life after death, but the Holy Spirit has revealed these deep things to the saints (1Cor 2:9-10).
Pagan funerals are based on blind speculations and superstitious error. Christian funeral
considerations given towards the dead should not derive from superstition but should be based on
their spiritual status and condition prior and sequel to their decease, as appointed by God and
revealed in the Scripture:
■ The dead in Christ are ABSENT from the body, but their spirit-souls are immediately (Luk 23:43; Act
7:56-60) PRESENT with Christ in heaven’s Paradise (Php 1:20-24; 2Cor 5:1-10; 2Cor 12:2-4; Rev 2:7) as
Souls, prayerfully resting under the golden altar of incense before God’s throne in heaven (Rev 6:9-11;
Rev 8:3; Rev 9:13),
■ The dead (“asleep” John 11:11; 1Thes 4:14) in Christ remain conscious invisible members of Christ’s
Church as Spirits, triumphantly perfected (1Thes 5:10; Heb 12:22-24) and shall be raised with glorious
bodies for vindication and eternal felicity when Christ comes again (John 14:1-4; Php 3:20-21; 1John 3:2-3).
■ The dead without Christ are detained in sheol-prison till the Day of Judgment (1Pet 3:19-20; 2Pe 2:4; Jud
1:6; Rev 20:7) when they shall rise (or be exposed) inglorious for condemnation and eternal torment (John
5:25-29; Rev 14:10-11; 20:11-15)
■ The dead in Christ are no longer resting in Abraham’s bosom/bay or the lower ‘paradise’ of hades (Luk
16:22-24; Luk 23:43), as was the case before the Cross of Christ (Mat 27:50-54; 1Pet 3:18-19), nor are they
still abandoned, imprisoned or detained in the sheol’s lower darkness or the pit of nether gloom (Psa 88:3-8;
Psa 143:3; 1Pet 3:19-20;). Jesus came as the One Who was Anointed (Christ) by God to set the soul-spirits
of His Saints free from the pre-Christian lower sheol-prison (Isa 61:1; Luk 4:18; Heb 13:14) and bring them
into the liberty of His glorious Paradise above (Rev 2:7).
■ The teaching of the Apostolic and Early Church Fathers is that Christ will come visibly from heaven the
only single second time in glory with His Angels, to establish His Millennial Reign on this Earth (1Co
15:23-25; 2Th 1:6-10; 2Th 2:1-3; Rev 5:10; 20:6). At this only single appearing the following shall all
occur:
1. when Christ comes from the divine or holy heaven (i.e. the third heaven), past the starry hosts
heaven and reaches the air (i.e. the first heaven), the Archangel shall sound the LAST TRUMPET, the
dead in Christ shall RESURRECT while the living believers shall be TRANSLATED, and together (in their
new glorious bodies) both shall be GATHERED/RAPTURED to meet Christ while He comes through the
air (Mat 24:29-31; 1Co 15:51-53; 1Th 4:15-18; Rev 20:5-6).
2. when Christ reaches ground, He will terminate the Great Tribulation (Mat 24:25-29), destroy
the Antichrist at Armageddon (2Th 2:8-9; Rev 6:12-17; Rev 16:16-21) and REIGN with all His glorified
Saints to physically enforce God's rule over all earthly kingdoms (Rev 2:25-27; Rev 19:11-17; 1Co 15:26-
28) for “1000 years” (Millennium) of Glorious Subjugation (Rev 20:1-6; note 2Pet 3:8).
NOTE: It is important to be aware that some eschatological views popular in the Church today
(such as the Middle Ages doctrine of spiritualised millennium called Amillennialism, modern
optimistic Postmelliannilsm and recent doctrine of double church and duplicate second
coming called Dispensational Premillennialism, etc) were never taught by Christ nor ever
believed by the Apostles and the Church Fathers.
■ After the Millennial Subjugation (Dispensationalists believe that Christ will come twice first for the
resurrection and rapture of the Church before the Tribulation thereafter come again for the Millennium!
while Amillennialists believe that the Millennium actually began with the resurrection of Christ when He
began to reign with triumphant saints and in the militant Church, such that Gog and Magog is same as
Armageddon), there shall be the Final Conflict of Gog-Magog when all living sinners will die (Rev 20:7-
10), thereafter shall be the Great Conflagration of the elements of this old universe (2Pet 3:10-13; Rev
20:11; 21:1) and the Final Judgment of all humanity and demonic spirits at the Great White Bema-Throne
(Rom 14:10; 2Cor 5:10; Rev 20:11-15).
■ After the Final Judgment, the glorified Saints together with Christ will INHERIT the New Eternal
Universe forever (Rev 21:1-8); while the wicked suffer in the Eternal Furnace forever (Mat 25:41-46; Rev
14:9-11; 20:10).
■ The dead outside Christ should be left to their fellow non-Christians to be given non-Christian burial as
one outside Christ (Mat 8:22; Eph 2:1-5).
■ Christians mourning for their dead should mourn in agreement with God’s standards both for the living
and dead as revealed in the Scripture and our standing in relation with God as obtainable in Christ.
When we Christians die while in our walk with God and put off this old carnal body (2Cor 5:1-6);
because the Lord already knows those who are His (2Tim 2:19; Heb 4:13) and those written in (or not
blotted from) His Book of Life (Php 4:3; Rev 3:5):
1. immediately, our spirit-souls without bodies triumphantly pass into Christ’s presence (i.e. third-
heaven paradise 2Cor 12:2-4; Rev 2:7; by the indwelling Holy Spirit (Rom 8:13-17) and through Angelic
ministry Matt 18:10; Luk 16:22; Jude 1:9) to WAIT for the coming resurrection when we will put on our
new glorious bodies (2Cor 5:8; Php 1:20-24; Rev 6:9-11);
2. at the last trumpet when Christ comes in glory, we who are already in the Book of Life resurrect
with new glorious bodies to REIGN with Christ for 1000yrs on this inglorious earth (Rev 20:4-6);
3. at the final judgment (for tribunal implementation of God’s already written and known verdict
for final reward and retribution John 5:28-29), we all give tribunal account to God (2Cor 5:10; Heb
4:13) in our new glorious bodies and enter the new glorious universe for eternal REST of blissful
WORSHIP before God (Rev 20:11-12, 21:1-8). And the wicked in their shameful resurrected form shall be
finally consigned to eternal fiery torment (Rev 14:10-11; 20:13).
Modern distinction between Christ’s royal THRONE (Grk=thronos) and judgment SEAT (Grk=bema)
is in error. In the ancient world, legislating, judging and punishing were believed to be directly
vested on rulers by God (Deut 17:12; John 19:8-11; Rom 13:1-7). Elevated Ruling THRONES of
ancient authorities were same as their elevated Judgment SEATS and the throne room or
audience room was same as the court room or tribune: e.g. Emperors (Act 25:10), Kings (1Kin 3:28;
2Chron 1:10-12), Tetrarchs (Act 12:21), Governors (Act 24:10; 25:6), Procurators (Mat 27:19; John
19:13), Proconsuls (Act 18:12-17), City Magisterial Rulers (Grk=archon Luk 12:58), even the Apostles
and Saints in Christ’s Kingdom (Mat 19:28; Luk 22:30; Rev 20:4), etc (Exo 18:13-26; Mark 13:9).

This is the sense in which Christ’s great glorious royal Throne (Mat 25:31; Rev 20:11) is same as
Christ’s glorious Judgment Seat of the Great Day of reckoning (John 5:22-27; 2Cor 5:10; Rom
14:10; Rev 20:11). The separation of powers into executive, legislative and judiciary are modern
check and balance concepts spearheaded by the Church.
In the same vein, modern twisted distinction between our resurrection and gathering together
(rapture) unto Christ and the Second Coming of Christ has no basis whatsoever in the Scriptures. The
Apostles in the Scriptures and the Early Church Fathers in their teachings never hinted of any such
double second coming. Plain Scripture teaches that Christ will come one single time in glory WITH
His Angels (visible Revelation/Appearing at His glorious Presence/Coming) to resurrect and
gather (Rapture) His Church and destroy the Antichrist, all at the same event (Mat 24:29-31;
25:31; 1Cor 15:20-24; 2Thes 1:6-10; 2:1-8). This single Second Coming to gather (raise and rapture)
the Church terminates the “Great Tribulation” and begins the Glorious Subjugation in the
“Millennium”, which leads to the “Final Conflict”, the “Great Conflagration” and “Final Judgment”.
Christ’s coming or appearing and our gathering together (resurrection and rapture) unto Him are
same synchronous single event in the Scriptures (Mat 24:27-31; 25:31; 1Thes 4:15-17; 2Thes 1:6-10;
2Thes 2:1-3 and 8; 1John 2:28; Jude 14).
See this link for more details: http://www.scribd.com/doc/23440794/WHAT-HAPPENS-TO-THE-

HUMAN-SPIRIT-SOUL-AFTER-DEATH
The Hope which Christ brought into our Nature and Destiny
In addition to their human spirit-soul, Christians are given the Holy Spirit Who awakens and renews their spirit
to eternal life in union with Christ and witnesses assurance of this renewal to their spirit-soul (Rom 8:9-16;
1Cor 2:12; 2Cor 1:21-22; 2Cor 5:1-6).
(1) The spirit-souls of those in Christ, because of the quickening and the 'earnest-firstfruit' of the Holy Spirit
(Rom 8:26-27; 2Co 5:5; Eph 1:13-14), will at death triumphantly “ascend or return” to God (Eccl 3:21; 12:7)
Who preserves them (no longer in the sheol paradise bay of Abraham below Luk 16:22, but now) in His
paradise bosom (or bay Acts 27:39) of His presence for rest and comfort with Christ, pending eventual
resurrection of glory (i.e. bodily redemption Joh 5:28-29; Rev 6:9-11) after the tribulation, for the Millennial
Reign of Restoration-Restitution (Act 1:6; 3:21). This individual transitional consignment (pass/cross over Joh
5:24) to the spirit supraworld (through angelic ministry Luk 16:22) is unto Eager WAITING for the general
tribunal (give account 2Cor 5:10) vindication of ADOPTION AND REDEMPTION (Rom 8:23).
(2) The spirit-souls of those without Christ, because of their divine image, though accursed, will at death
disgracefully “ascend or return” to God (Eccl 3:21; 12:7) Who detains them with chains of sorrow and pain
in the lowest-dark pit or dungeon Psa 86:13; Psa 88:6; Psa 116:3; i.e. tartarus or abyss Luk 8:31: 2Pe 2:4) for
regrets and torment (Luk 16:22-31), pending eventual ‘resurrection’ of damnation (second death) after the
Millennium (Joh 5:28-29; Rev 21:8). This individual transitional consignment (already Joh 3:18) to the spirit
underworld (through demonic ministry Jud 1:9) is unto Fearful WAITING for the general tribunal (give
account 2Cor 5:10) condemnation of JUDGMENT AND INDIGNATION (Heb 10:27).
2Peter 2:3-5, 9
(3) And in their greed they will exploit you with deceptive words. Their
condemnation pronounced long ago is not sitting idly by; their destruction is
not asleep.
(4) For if God did not spare the angels who sinned, but threw them into hell
and locked them up in chains in utter darkness, to be kept until the judgment,
(5) and if he did not spare the ancient world, but did protect Noah, a herald of
righteousness, along with seven others, when God brought a flood on an
ungodly world,
........
(9) — if so, then the Lord knows how to rescue the godly from their trials, and
to reserve the unrighteous for punishment at the day of judgment,
■ Before Christ came, both the lower torment PIT and upper comfort BAY of the netherworld were together
“below” in SHEOL or HADES, but separated “afar off” by a “fixed” impassable CHASM. At death transition,
Angels conveyed the saints to the comfort BAY and demons conveyed the sinful to the torment PIT (Luk 16:22-
26).
■ When Christ died, He went and preached the Gospel of His Lordship in sheol-hades (1Pe 3:18-20).
■ When Christ ascended, He took the saints in Abraham’s paradise bay, from the captivity of sheol-hades to
bring them into the earnest liberty of His own paradise presence in the “third” heaven (Mat 27:52-53; Lk 4:18-
19; John 20:17; Eph 4:8-10; Php 1:21-23).

The First Resurrection is for the Just and shall be glorious and rapturous but not secret (Mat 24:30; Rev 1:7). It
shall not occur except AFTER the Antichrist rebellion (2Thes 2:1-3), when Christ returns openly in glory to
destroy the Antichrist and terminate the great tribulation (Mat 24:21-31; Mark 14:62; 1Th 4:13-18). At Christ’s
coming, the saints shall be glorified and raptured in the clouds to “meet” (i. e. “welcome” as in Mat 25:6; Act
28:15) Christ in the air (NOT TO DEPART BACK WITH HIM TO HEAVEN, BUT TO WELCOME HIM
DOWN TO EARTH) as He comes down to destroy the Antichrist (2Th 2:8) and reign with the glorified saints.
As Christ’s priest-kings, the saints shall rule on earth (Rev 5:10) with rod of iron (Rev 2:26-27) in the
Millennium (2Thes 1:5-10; Rev 20:6).
<<BACK TO TOP>>
PROPER CHRISTIAN FUNERAL

Funeral of a saint is one place of contention between the divine and the demonic as in the case of
Moses (Deut 34:5-8; Jude 1:9); for the death of a saint is “a big deal” and precious before God (Psa
116:15). Cultural funerals are based on pagan beliefs about life after death and cause of death. Such funerals
are all about superstitious spiritism, blame and vengeance rather than consolation and hope. Funerals
should be intended for CONSOLATION to properly assuage the grief of the bereaved and for
INTERMENT to properly dispose the corpse of the deceased. In view of the above Background Bible
Study, Christian funerals should be based on the following principles:
1. The Bereaved should be supported to mourn as he/she is moved emotionally (expressing godly grief
or sorrow) for the pain and perplexity of parting/loss (Acts 20:17-18; Job 1:20-22) and mourn
devoutly (in accordance with the Scriptures): e.g.
- Long for Jacob (Gen. 50:1-10 for 40, 70, & 7days), Moses and Aaron (Num 20:29; Deut
34:8 for 30days) and Saul (1Sam 31:13 for 7days);
- Deep for Joseph and Absalom (Gen. 37:34-35; 2Sam. 18:33);
- Loud for the Children in Ramah (Matt. 2:18);
- Brief for Christ and Lazarus (for 3 or 4days Matt 27:55-60; Luke 23:27; John 11:35);
- Great for Stephen (Acts 8:2).
These were done for varying number of days obviously NOT meant to be dogmatically fixed as three,
seven, or forty, as if the numerology of days has any valid significance. Believers’ spirit-souls depart to
be with Christ the very same day their bodies die or sleep (Luk 23:43; 2Cor 5:6-9; Phil 1:23; 1Thes
4:15).
Funerals are for consolation of the bereaved NOT for the salvation of the diseased. Even after the
formal two day programme of vigil and interment formalities, it is necessary for relations, friends and
well wishers to watch the grief state of the bereaved to still keep around them and be in touch with
them till they are perceived to be reasonably relieved (Joh 11:19; Joh 11:31).
On their part, the Bereaved should avoid the danger of unduly prolonged grief or refusal to be
comforted (Gen 37:35; Psa 77:2; Jer 31:15).
There should not be absenteeism from Church fellowships after interment and condolences are over,
especially after one had resumed going for work, business, school and market. It is best to start
attending Church on the Sunday next after the burial.
2. The Bereaved should mourn formally (in an organized FUNERAL for CONSOLATION OF
GRIEF) as he/she is able to do: not as compelled by tradition or demanded by people, but as
GRIEVED by sorrow which is aware of scriptural truth and COMFORTED by the hope of the
Gospel (1Thes 4:13, 18). This should be:
- Independent of mourning clothes or baldness;
- Irrespective of dishevelled appearance;
- Regardless of how long, deep, loud, great or brief the lamentation is.
The Scripture forbids certain forms of expression of sorrow during funerals because they lead to
error, sin and bondage. But godly forms of sorrow (mourning with meditation, gratitude and hope,
NOT with indignation and despair or mirth and merriment or superstition and necromancy) are
encouraged because they edify unto salvation (2Cor 7:9-10).
The Church must ensure that widows are never subjected to any accursed cultural ordeals and
molestation but rather be consoled and protected (Exo 22:22; Deu 27:19; Isa 1:17).
3. The Bereaved should mourn and lament with temperate mannerisms (Matt. 6:16-18; 2Sam 1:11-12)
or lament songs (2Sam 1:26; 1Kin 13:30) and assuage his/her grief with the comfort derived from
the hope of the Saints’ destiny and Christ’s coming (1Thes. 4:13, 16-17) as well as the comfort of
the Holy Spirit and the Scriptures (John 14:26; John 15:26; Rom 15:4).
4. The Church should show condolence to (NOT make demands from) the bereaved by:
- Sympathetic mourning acts (Job 2:11-13; Job 42:11; John 11:33-36; Rom 12:15);
- Comforting words (Gen. 37:35; Matt. 2:18; 1Thes. 4:18);
- Cheering up (John 16:33; Acts 27:22,25,36);
- Singing songs of comfort, hope and thanksgiving (1Thes 5:18);
- Non-pagan funeral testimonies/tributes/dirge in memory of (NOT to pray for) the
diseased (2Sam 1:17-27);
- Prayers for the living (not superstitiously for the dead or culturally but according to the
Scripture);
- Contributing food, cash and other necessities to console and support the bereaved (Job
42:11).
Note: The provision of Bread of Comfort and Wine of Consolation (Jer 16:6-7).
This should not be occasion to make demands on the grieving family nor be occasion for squander and
squabble; instead it should be done with offering succour to the bereaved and occasion for frugality
and equanimity. The place of mourning and meditation should be allowed to serve its good purpose
and not become turned into a place of mirth and merriment (Eccl 7:1-4). Nor should the Church engage
in vengeful invocations and necromantic rituals of the heathens.
Notice that even the MEMORIAL OF THE DEAD – as done by the Church for Christ (Eucharist/Passion
Week) and for the Saints (Saints’ Days) – is not for repeat funeral mourning but for thanksgiving and
thoughtful recommitment to pursue and propagate all godly virtues of the commemorated (1Cor 11:23-26;
Heb 11:32-40). The memory of the righteous is blessed (Pro 10:7) and everlasting (Psa 112:6).
5. The Bereaved and the Church should be wise to take advantage of the mourning occasion (Eph
5:15-17) to provoke reflections on how they are faring in the Faith (Eccl. 7:1-4); for after we die
once, next comes the divine judgment of all by Christ (Psa 96:13; Eccl 12:14; Joh 5:26-29; Acts
17:31; 2Cor 5:10; Heb 9:27), NOT “cyclical-life” reincarnation, “after-life” purgation, “left-behind”
tribulation or such other form of second chance falsehood and error.
6. The Bereaved and the Church should join together in funeral worship service to God thus:
- Praise/Worship to God – for His sovereign power and wisdom in giving and taking
(2Sam. 12:16-24; Job 1:20-25) and for the consolation of the bereaved; (Heathenish
ceremonies, rituals, masquerading, evil-dancing, talking to the deceased body,
invocations and such necromancies should be abhorred);
- Testimonies/Thanksgiving – for God’s gift of the life and worthy company of the
deceased (Instead of praying, “May the soul of the (faithful) departed rest in
perfect peace”; it is more biblical to pray, “For the life of the (faithful)
departed we thank Thee o Lord”.);
– for tribute/memories of the faith and worthy examples of the deceased (Pro
10:7);
– for God’s grace in sparing the living (1Thes. 5:18);
– for the hope of future victory and eternal bliss (John 16:22,33; Rev. 21:3).
- Word Ministration/Meditation – to console the bereaved and the grieving with the
Scriptures (1Thes 4:13-18), to exhort the faithful, to admonish the depraved
and the unbelieving (Eccl 7:1-5) for a better walk with God.
- Prayers/Supplications – for God’s grace and fortitude on the bereaved and for mercy,
protection and salvation on the living (but NOT for the salvation of the dead).
7. The Deceased corpse or bones should be safely disposed of in a proper burial (Ecc 6:3; Jer 22:19)
at community cemetery or family burial place but preferably in a Christian cemetery:
As with - Jacob (Gen. 50:2-14);
- Sarah (Gen 23:19; 25:10);
- Rachel (Gen 35:19-20);
- Joseph (Gen 50:24-26; Josh 24:32);
- Kings of Judah (2Chron 21:20; 26:23; 28:7; 33:20)
- Jesus (Luke 23:50-58; John 19:38-42);
- Stephen (Acts 8:2).
Married Christian women belong together with their husbands (Psa 45:10,16; Matt 19:4-6) and
should be buried with their husbands in their husbands’ family burial grounds or husbands’ Church
or community cemeteries (Gen 49:31) NOT carried back to their maiden homes.
Notice there was - cremation for Saul and his sons and for some disaster victims (1Sam 31:12; Amo
6:10); and
- bonfire (?cremation or ?wake-keep) with songs to honour kings e.g. Asa and Zedekiah
(2Chr 16:14; Jer 34:4-5);
- also embalmment for Jacob and Joseph (Gen 50:3,26).
Absence of bonfire (?cremation/wake-keep) and lament songs seemed to be seen as dishonour for
Israelite kings (2Ch 21:19; Jer 22:18).
<<BACK TO TOP>>
Updated April 22, 2012

by Ven. Dr. I. U. Ibeme
Copyright © PriscAquila Publishing, Maiduguri, Nigeria.
PriscAquila Christian Resource Centre
http://priscaquila.6te.net ; http://www.scribd.com/ifeogo

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THE CHRISTIAN AND CULTURE: Marriage and Funeral by I. U. Ibeme 6

CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE SEMINAR 2:

2. Cultural/Traditional marriages originate from and are based on various Cultural/Traditional

OTHER MUNDANE MARRIAGES: CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE:

THE PROCESS OF GETTING MARRIED.

(3) Proceeding to marry as you –

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COMPLEMENTARY ROLES FOR CHRISTIAN MATRIMONY.

Complementariness in marriage (which is not competitiveness in conflict) requires GOOD

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THE CHRISTIAN AND CULTURE: Marriage and Funeral by I. U. Ibeme 15

CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE SEMINAR 3:

PRECAUTIONS IN THE COURSE OF GETTING MARRIED

1. CONVINCED CHOICE (Finding)

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2. CONSENT and CONFIRMATION

3. COMMITMENT (Engagement) and COURTSHIP

4. COVENANT (Wedding), CONSUMMATION and COMPLEMENTING

REPARATIONS FOR PROBLEMS ASSOCIATED WITH MARRIAGE.

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4. DIVORCE/DESERTION by unbelieving spouse gives Privilegium Paulinum (1Cor 7:15) to the

6. “STATUS QUO ANTE” AT CONVERSION (1Cor 7:17, 20, 24).

ON INHERITANCE (See http://www.scribd.com/doc/65032801/Christian-Family-

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MOURNING (Background Bible Study)

INSTANCES where God’s people mourned abound in Scripture:

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THE FELLOWSHIP GATHERING OF THE NEW TESTAMENT CHURCH IS ASSEMBLY WITH

FORBIDDEN pagan funeral mourning practices:

SUPERSTITIONS about death, mourning and funerals include:

Some instances of spectacular connection or communication with heaven:

LIFE AFTER DEATH

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See this link for more details: http://www.scribd.com/doc/23440794/WHAT-HAPPENS-TO-THE-

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PROPER CHRISTIAN FUNERAL

Updated April 22, 2012

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