BUILDING BLOCKS FOR SPIRITUAL GROWTH

AND CHRISTIAN LIVING

Family Life

Mrs. R. Cecilia Askew
copyright@2011 Revised @2014








Building Blocks for Spiritual Growth and Christian Living is intended for instruction in Christian
Family Life and has been developed for students in Senior High School - Grades 7 through 12.
It is one of the pilars of the Religious Education Division of Creative Vision Christian Academy. It
has been complied and prepared by Mrs. Cecilia Askew, former teacher and principal and, now
current School Guidance Counsellor and Chaplain. Adapted to reflect different insights into
family life in the Caribbean and in particular the Commonwealth of The Bahamas.


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Contents



Unit 1 - The Christian Family& Family Life Skills

Unit 2 - Caribbean Family Structure

Unit 2 A - Character of Caribbean Families

Unit 3 - Family Law [Bahamas & Caribbean]

Unit 4 - Relationships

Unit 5 - Self- Awareness & Esteem

Unit 6 - Sexual Identity: The Christian View

Unit 6 A - Sexual Orientation: Secular World View

Unit 7 - Christian Dating & Marriage

Unit 7A - The Marriage Bed: Whats Okay






























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UNIT 1 The Christian Family


Part 1

The family is defined basically as a body of persons who live in one household under one head
or manager. The household will usually include two parents, children and in some cases
servants.

The Christian Family is rooted and ground in the word of God and the foundation is found in
Genesis chapter 2. From the creation of man, God, in His infinite wisdom and mercy, chose to
place human beings in families. It can be said therefore, that families are His gift to us. It is in
this context that our needs for intimacy, identity, and companionship are met.
Theologian R. J. Rushdoony says, "The family is mans first state, church, and school. It is the
institution which provides the basic structure of his existence and most governs his activities."
The family is a "framework which extensively and profoundly shapes his concept of himself and
of life in general." It should be understood, that the Christian ideal for the institution of the
family is: one man and one woman joined together in holy matrimony and from this union
children are expected.
The Christian family should foster and provide the following:

- Discipline
- Forgiveness
- Security
- Healing
- Understanding
- Peace
- Love
- Joy
- Patience
- Kindness

In Colossians 3 we are given the mandate for Christian Family Life and if followed will provide:

- Health & Wellness [Mind, body and soul]
- Spiritual Formation
- Guidance
- Second Chances [Forgiveness]
- Education
- Family History [Heritage and Legacy]
- Good Grooming [Etitique]

It can be concluded that the Christian family is the basic unit of the church and society an
gives one an identity within society. Family building in the Christian context therefore requires
that we are dedicated to the principles as set forth in Gods word.



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Part 2 - Parental Responsiblity

Once a man and a women have been joined in holy matrimony it is the expectation in most
cases that a child or children will join this union. In the Christian perspective we are
commissioned by GOD to provide the following essentials for our child/children:

1. Spiritual Formation
2. Emotional Support
3. Moral Standards/Values
4. Social Skills
5. Education
6. Finances
7. Discipline

Chris Theisen, the author of The Parent Coach Plan, provides an outline which further extends
the role and responsibilities of parents:
Provide an environment that is SAFE.
Keep your child free from physical, sexual, and emotional abuse.
Keep unsafe objects locked up or out of reach of your child.
Get to know your child's caregivers (get references or background checks).
Correct any potential dangers around the house.
Take Safety Precautions: Use smoke and carbon monoxide detectors, lock doors at night,
always wear seatbelts, etc.
Provide your child with BASIC NEEDS.
Water
Plenty of nutritious foods
Shelter
A warm bed with sheets, blankets, and a pillow
Medical care as needed/Medicine when ill
Clothing that is appropriate for the weather conditions
Space (a place where he or she can go to be alone)
Provide your child with SELF-ESTEEM NEEDS.
Accept your child's uniqueness and respect his or her individuality.


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Encourage (don't push) your child to participate in a club, activity, or sport.
Notice and acknowledge your child's achievements and pro-social behaviour.
Encourage proper hygiene (to look good is to feel good, or so they say!).
Set expectations for your child that is realistic and age-appropriate.
Use your child's misbehaviour as a time to teach, not to criticize or ridicule.
Teach your child MORALS and VALUES.
Honesty
Respect
Responsibility
Compassion
Patience
Forgiveness
Generosity
Develop MUTUAL RESPECT with your child.
Use respectful language
Respect his or her feelings
Respect his or her opinions
Respect his or her privacy
Respect his or her individuality
Provide DISCIPLINE which is effective and appropriate.
Structured
Consistent
Predictable
Fair
Involve yourself in your child's EDUCATION.
Communicate regularly with your child's teacher(s)


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Make sure that your child is completing his or her homework each night.
Assist your child with his or her homework, but don't DO the homework.
Talk to your child each day about school (what is being studied, any interesting events, etc.).
Recognize and acknowledge your child's academic achievements.
Get to KNOW YOUR CHILD.
Spend quality time together.
Be approachable to your child.
Ask questions.
Communicate. Correspond. Connect.



















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Scripture References for Christian Family Life



For I have chosen him, that he may command his children and his household after him to keep
the way of the LORD by doing righteousness and justice, so that the LORD may bring to Abraham
what he has promised him. Genesis 18:19
And if it is evil in your eyes to serve the LORD, choose this day whom you will serve, whether the
gods your fathers served in the region beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites in whose
land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD. Joshua 24:15
Thus says the LORD of hosts, the God of Israel, to all the exiles whom I have sent into exile
from Jerusalem to Babylon: Build houses and live in them; plant gardens and eat their produce.
Take wives and have sons and daughters; take wives for your sons, and give your daughters in
marriage, that they may bear sons and daughters; multiply there, and do not decrease.
Jeremiah 29:4-6
Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them
by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among
them. - Matthew 18:19-20
Peter began to say to him, See, we have left everything and followed you. Jesus said, Truly, I
say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or
children or lands, for my sake and for the gospel, who will not receive a hundredfold now in this
time, houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions,
and in the age to come eternal life. But many who are first will be last, and the last first. - Mark
10:28-31
Then he brought them out and said, Sirs, what must I do to be saved? And they said, Believe
in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved, you and your household. And they spoke the word of
the Lord to him and to all who were in his house. And he took them the same hour of the night
and washed their wounds; and he was baptized at once, he and all his family. Acts 16:30-33
Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and do not
be harsh with them. Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.
Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. Colossians 3:18-21
Older women likewise are to be reverent in behaviour, not slanderers or slaves to much wine.
They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and
children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own
husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. Titus 2:3-5




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UNIT 1 ASSIGNMENTS



A Define and use the following words in a sentence or paragraph as it relates to family life:

Discipline
Forgiveness
Security
Healing
Understanding
Peace
Love
Joy
Patience
Kindness


B Read each of the scriptures provided and write a short essay [60 words] about one of the
passages in your own words explaining what you think God is saying about the status of family.


C Create role plays about family life that include areas of concern such as bad behaviour,
dating, matters regarding further education and sexualtity.




























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UNIT 2 The Caribbean Family Structure



The Global Dialogue Foundations states There is much diversity in Caribbean families. They
are, in some ways, a distinct group because of their multi-ethnic composition. Although the
majority of the families have an African background, which sometimes causes people from the
Caribbean to be identified as such, there are families from Indian, Chinese, Middle Eastern, and
European backgrounds who identify themselves as Caribbean. In The Bahamas this includes
the Greek, East Indian, Chinese and other Asian communities. There are several family
structures that are recognised in the Caribbean including the Commonwealth of The Bahamas:

1. Nuclear/Ideal
2. Extended
3. Blended
4. Single Parents: Male
Female
5. Grandparents
6. Singles [no children]


Nuclear/Ideal Family

Simply put a nuclear family is a family group consisting of a father and mother and their
children, who share living quarters.

Extended Family
According to Wikipedia, the term extended family has several distinct meanings. First, it is
used synonymously with consanguineous family or joint family. Second, in societies dominated
by the conjugal family or nuclear family, it is used to refer, to kindred who do not belong to the
conjugal family. Often there could be many generations living under the same roof, depending
on the circumstances.
In The Bahamas and Caribbean the nuclear family was often supported by the extended family
where, grandparents, aunts and uncles all resided in the same home and or the same yard
[vicinity]. Although this scenario has changed, it still exists in small pockets from island to
island.
Blended Family
The blended family is defined as two previously married parents or persons from previous
long-term relationships bringing together the children of their former marriages/relationships.
Single Parents
Single-parents [also referred to as lone parent, solo parent and sole parent] are parents, male
or female, who care for one or more children without the physical assistance of the other
biological parent in the home. "Single Parenthood" comes about for a number of reasons. A few
possible scenarios are by choice or involuntary, as in:


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a. divorce
b. adoption
c. artificial insemination
d. surrogate motherhood,
e. death of a spouse
f. child abuse
g. child neglect,
h. abandonment by one of the biological parents
i. un-married woman or teenage girl becoming pregnant by a short relationship. In most
instances in The Bahamas and Caribbean the latter is often the case.
Singles
These are persons male or female, who live alone and have no child and/or children.
Grandparents
Grandparents are the father or mother of a person's own father and/or mother. Very often they
are the foundation of the extended family.






















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UNIT 2 ASSIGNMENTS





A Define and use the following words in an essay as it relates to family life in The Bahamas
and Caribbean entitled Family Life in the Caribbean:

Abandonment
Abuse
Adoption
Biological
Divorce
Separation
Neglect
Surroogate
Ethnic


B - Research the statics of single parent homes in the following countries:

Bahamas
Barbados
Haiti
Jamaica
Trinidad & Tobago

C - Create a role play that deals with a someone who becomes a single parent for either of the
following reasons:

1. Death of Spouse
2. Divorce
3. One night stand
4. Adoption
















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UNIT 2 A Character of Caribbean Families

Globally, family life has evolved over the years to mean more than simple a structure that has a
male and female living together with their child or children with the extension of grandparents
and other relatives.
There are now new definitions of the types of family one may find and in the Caribbean this is
also true. A specific question about the character of Caribbean families has been addressed as
follows: The Caribbean is characterized by Matrifocality. Is this a true assessment of the entire
Caribbean? Taking into account that we are speaking about island nations like The Bahamas
in the Northern Caribbean stretching down to Guyana in the South.
The question was ably answered [in my opinion] by Shanique Hayden, a student with Cape
Sociology in her essay as it relates to islands nations in the Southern and Eastern Caribbean
and Nicollete Bethel as it relates specific to The Bahamas. Miss Haydens essay can be found
at http://capesociology.org/does-matrifocality-characterize-caribbean-families-361.html - I have
chosen an excerpt to be discussed and researched further.
Matrifocality simply defined means pertaining to, or designating a family unit or structure headed
by the mother and lacking a father permanently or for extended periods. A family defined by
George Peter Murdock is a social group characterized by common residence, economic co-
operation and reproduction. It includes adults of both sexes, at least two of whom maintain a
socially approved sexually relationship, and one or more children, own or adopted, of the
sexually cohabiting adults.
The Caribbean region is often characterized by sociologists as one in which the family structure
is highly dysfunctional due to the fact that matrifocal families are the most common forms of
families throughout the region. The predominance of this family structure has been highlighted
in many studies done on the Caribbean. These include those done by Frazier, Herskovits, Elliot
Liebow and Oscar Lewis. These studies support the writers view that the Caribbean is
characterized by Matrifocality. Frazier believed that the matrifocal family derived from slavery
retentions. He claimed that the way many Caribbean families are formed and structured was as
a result of the influences from the days of slavery being retained in the Caribbean. These
plantation experiences include the inability of the slave fathers to cohabit with and provide for
their children. This was due to the fact that the white plantation owners forbade it and to keep
them separated they often sold the males. Consequently the males and females lived in
different quarters. Due to this practice under slavery, it is Fraziers view that the males have
developed a lazy and reluctant attitude when it comes to being an active member of their
families.
Another factor is the fact that many of the slave women had either forced or consensual sexual
relations with the white plantation owners. These white men did not claim their children and so
the women had to bear the burden of raising the children all alone, and these practices he
believes have been carried over into modern societies. Contradicting Fraziers view is
Herskovits. He believes that the Caribbean matrifocal family form, among others is as a result of
African cultural retentions brought here by the slaves. These cultural retentions include their


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sexual relations and family patterns such as polygamy which was reinterpreted in Caribbean to
produce progressive monogamy.
Based on a thesis written by Nicollete Bethel in 1993, entitled Bahamian Kinship and the Power
of Women Ms. Bethel wrote that Bahamian families are functionally as well as structurally
matrifocal. Even where the husband/fathers are present, mothers perform the majority of the
tasks in the home, including that of providing economic support for their families. In families
where both parents are present and working, it is often the case that the mother's income is
used to finance the welfare of the children, while the father's is expended on luxuries. Mothers
are often the providers of discipline and stability in the home; it is they who involve themselves
in their children's schooling, and who make most of the important decisions in the home.
Further Ms Bethel pointed out that Caribbean society has traditionally seen a high level of
economic autonomy of the sexes. In The Bahamas, where prosperity has expanded economic
and educational opportunities, women have become even less dependent on the financial
contributions of men hence a rise in matrifocality.


UNIT 2 A ASSIGNMENTS


1] How is the term matrifocality defined?

2] Do you think this terminology can be applied to most families in The Bahamas?

3]How do sociologists define family structures in the Caribbean.

4] According to the essay by Ms. Hayden, how does George Peter Murdock describe family?
[Answer on seperate sheet of paper]



Define and give examples of the familly terms:

A] Monogamy

B] Polygamy

C] Dysfunctional

D] Structure










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UNIT 3 Family Law [Bahamas & Caribbean]


British common law is the basis of Bahamian law. Family law is a one facet of the law that is
facilitated in many law firms in The Bahamas. One of the more established law firms with a
family life component is that of Nottage, Miller & Co., where former Justice Rubie Nottage is well
versed in family law as it relates to the Caribbean and in particular, The Bahamas.
As a lecturer of law and a practising Christian, she has concluded that as it relates to family the
law is on a shifting foundation. She recommends the following scriptures for study: Psalm 82:5;
Psalm 11:2 and Luke 2:50-5l.
Earlier we learned that there are several segments that make up what constitutes as a family
both secular and Christian. However, under the laws of the nation, family is seen as follows:
I. Nuclear
II. Kinship
III. Paternal
IV. Maternal
V. Cohabitational
VI. Intimate Partner
Note the variation of the terms used, particularly V. and VI.
In the 21st century new laws were passed in The Bahamas as it regards the family.
A. The Status of Children Act, 2002 Concept of Paternity
B. Inheritance Act, 2002
C. Domestic Family Violence [Protection Orders] Act, 2007
The Domestic Family Violence [Protection Orders] Act, 2007 seeks to protect the family
members [wife/husband, child or children] from the following: physical, emotional, sexual,
psychological and financial abuse.









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UNIT 3 ASSIGNMENTS

A - Research and define the following words and terms:
Nuclear
Kinship
Paternal
Maternal
Intimate Partner
Cohabitation
Alternate Lifestyle

B - Using the above words/terms write a short essay on each of the following topics:
A. Alternate Lifestyle
B. Kinship
C. Paternal
C - Create a role play regarding the paternity of a child.
D - Research the statistics for divorce in The Bahamas and write an essay outlining how you
would counsel a couple in the process of separation and divorce.














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UNIT 4 Relationships

The description of the word relationship as found in the dictionary [Oxford] suggests the
following points:
the way in which two or more people or things are connected, or the state of being
connected: the study will assess the relationship between unemployment and political
attitudes
the state of being connected by blood or marriage: they can trace their relationship to a
common ancestor
the way in which two or more people or groups regard and behave towards each other:
the landlord-tenant relationship; Employee-Employer: she was proud of her good
relationship with the staff
an emotional and sexual association between two people: she has a daughter from a
previous relationship
From the above you can see that the word relationship carries different meanings based on the
context in which it is being used.
As Christians we are mandated to form relationships with others. Ecclesiastes 4: 9 -12 from
The Message Bible clearly speaks to relationships: It's better to have a partner than go it
alone. Share the work, share the wealth. And if one falls down, the other helps, but if there's no
one to help, tough! Two in a bed warm each other. Alone, you shiver all night. By yourself you're
unprotected. With a friend you can face the worst. Can you round up a third? A three-stranded
rope isn't easily snapped.

There are several types of relationships that each of us will be a part of in our life time. They
are as follows:

Husband/Wife
Child Parent
Brother Sister
Student Teacher
Boy Girl Friend
Clergy Congregant
Employee Employer















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UNIT 4 ASSIGNMENTS




In each of the above cases our relationship is different. By way of role play, essay and
discussion we will explore the value of the various relationships and their influence on our daily
living.

1. Discuss your relationship with your parent[s].

2. Write an essay about your relationship with a family member [sibling, grandparent[s],
other relatives].

3. Role play about your relationship with one of the individuals listed above.






































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UNIT 5 SELF-AWARENESS & ESTEEM [Know yourself]


Before we can know what it is to be self-aware we must look at the nature of "self". Self-
awareness can mean different things depending on your own personal view. Some may say
that self-awareness is being aware of yourself as an individual and your surroundings. Self-
awareness firstly requires that we identify what "self" actually is and, what it means to be aware.
According to the dictionary [Oxford] self is [1] a person as an individual. [2] A persons
particular nature and [3] A persons own advantage i.e., he/she always put themselves first.
Awareness or to be aware means knowing or realizing i.e., Were you aware of the danger?
From a Christian perspective we know who we are [Psalm 139:13-16] and whose we are. We
gain insight into our values; we understand our strengths and weaknesses and develop positive
self-esteem.
In order to help us know ourselves we will look at several areas of our personal uniqueness:
1. Brain Activity [Left/Right or Mixed]
2. Personality Types [Introvert/Extrovert, etc.]
3. Meaning & Purpose/Values
Brain Activity
Development of the brain has led to a theory of the structure and functions of the mind which
presents the case that the two different sides of the brain control different modes of thinking. It
also presents the argument that that each one of us prefers one mode over the other.
An excerpt from an article about Roger Sperry, who received the Nobel Prize in Physiology,
explained in part left and right brain activity this way: The left brain is the clever part. The left
brain is so clever it's taken us to the moon and developed our wonderful technologies. The
trouble is it's so clever that if we're not careful it will kill us off. It's the part that has developed
the nuclear bomb and is in the process of polluting the world. The right brain, on the other hand,
has no need to be in control. It is an image processor; it deals with pictures and emotions,
feelings and relationships. It is creative, intuitive, trusting. Persons can be what are known as
middle brain, meaning that they are mix of both left and right brain.
Personality Types
To understand personality types, we must first have a description of what personality is.
According to the dictionary [Oxford] personality is defined in several ways:
[1] the combination of characteristics or qualities that form an individual's distinctive character:
she had a sunny personality that was very engaging [mass noun]: she has triumphed by sheer
force of personality; [mass noun] lively, engaging qualities: she's always had loads of
personality; [2] a celebrity or famous person: an official opening by a famous personality; [3]
[mass noun] archaic the quality or fact of being a person as distinct from a thing or animal.


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In light of this understanding of personality we can begin to identify the various personality
types and discover something about ourselves. The most widely acceptable theories about
personality types come from the Myers-Briggs Foundation or MBTI. Following are brief
descriptions of the two most prominent personality types as outlined in the My MBTI Personality
Type - http://www.myersbriggs.org/my-mbti-personality-type/mbti-basics/extraversion-or-
introversion.asp:
Extraversion (E)
I like getting my energy from active involvement in events and having a lot of different activities.
Im excited when Im around people and I like to energize other people. I like moving into action
and making things happen. I generally feel at home in the world. I often understand a problem
better when I can talk out loud about it and hear what others have to say.
The following statements generally apply to me:
o I am seen as outgoing or as a people person.
o I feel comfortable in groups and like working in them.
o I have a wide range of friends and know lots of people.
o I sometimes jump too quickly into an activity and dont allow enough time to think it over.
o Before I start a project, I sometimes forget to stop and get clear on what I want to do and
why.
Introversion (I)
I like getting my energy from dealing with the ideas, pictures, memories, and reactions that are
inside my head, in my inner world. I often prefer doing things alone or with one or two people I
feel comfortable with. I take time to reflect so that I have a clear idea of what Ill be doing when I
decide to act. Ideas are almost solid things for me. Sometimes I like the idea of something
better than the real thing.
The following statements generally apply to me:
o I am seen as reflective or reserved.
o I feel comfortable being alone and like things I can do on my own.
o I prefer to know just a few people well.
o I sometimes spend too much time reflecting and dont move into action quickly enough.
o I sometimes forget to check with the outside world to see if my ideas really fit the
experience
As Christians our self-awareness and esteem often determine our personal spiritual growth and
development. It is important therefore to recognise that having a sense of spirituality and/or
being religious do not make us CHRISTIAN. Firstly, spirituality is the foundation of all religions
and seeks to orientate us towards a Divine being, while religion is a system of beliefs, values,


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and rituals for worship and a code for proper behaviour. Like spirituality, religion is practised by
all people is some form or another, but not exclusive to Christianity.
Christianity is founded on the life and teachings of JESUS CHRIST and is practiced by various
denominations within the Christian religion.

























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UNIT 5 ASSIGNMENTS


Spiritual Assessment
The purpose this assignment is to consider the following concerns that all persons have in
common: personal viewpoints, sources of hope; relationships and awareness of ones strengths
and weaknesses. Appropriate scriptures to study are Philippians 4 and James 1.
As honestly as you can answer the following questions:
What is most important to you in your life at this moment?
What was important to you six months to a year ago?
Do you think your life was better when you were younger? Explain why.
What is the most beautiful thing in the world to you?
What is your source of hope when things seem out our control?
What part does prayer and faith play in your overall viewpoints?















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Creative Spiritual Exercises
A. Gods Presence
The purpose of this exercise is to help you discover and identify the presence of God in your
life. You are to read the following passage slowly and make notes as you go along [if you wish
to].Do not read the last paragraph until you answer the questions.

Footprints
One night I had a dream--
I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord
and across the sky flashed scenes from my life.
For each scene I noticed two sets of footprints,
one belonged to me and the other to the Lord.
When the last scene of my life flashed before me,
I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
I noticed that many times along the path of my life,
there was only one set of footprints.
I also noticed that it happened at the very lowest
and saddest times in my life.
This really bothered me and I questioned the Lord about it.
"Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you,
you would walk with me all the way,
but I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life
there is only one set of footprints.
"I don't understand why in times when I needed you most,
you should leave me."
The Lord replied, "My precious, precious child,
I love you and I would never, never leave you
during your times of trial and suffering.
"When you saw only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you."

...Mary Stevenson



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The goal of this exercise is to help you develop values and standards for your life and, to pass
these values and standards on to your offspring.
Begin this exercise by heading your paper with your name and date and subject. Make two [2]
columns; one should be headed Values and the other Significance. Following is the list that will
come under the heading values:
Love
Work
Money
Friendship
Family
Career
Faith
Sex
Ethics
Politics
Social Issues
Leisure Time
Community Service
Health
Education
Using the list, make the two columns and arrange the items in order of significance or priority to
you. It is recommended that you do this exercise each year to see if your values and standards
have changed over time.


Answer the following questions and then read the last paragraph.
1. Was there a time in your life when you felt all alone and that
God was not present?
2. Did you feel a sense of guilt and that this aloneness was a
punishment?
3. What did you expect from God at the time that you felt alone?
4. How have your expectations of God changed as you grow
older?

B. Values: - Whats important to you?


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UNIT 6A SEX AND SEXUAL IDENTITY: The Christian View

This unit will deal with matters of sex and sexuality from a biblical view point. The
information is directly from Sex, Sexuality and Sexual Acts by James A. Fowler via Christ
in You Ministries.
I. Word studies
A. English word "sex" is derived from Latin sexus, "to divide"
1. God divided humanity into two sexes or genders - male and female
Gen. 1:27 - "male and female He created them"
2. Sexuality involves
a. recognition of gender distinction
(1) masculinity (cf. outline on "masculinity")
(2) femininity (cf. outline on "femininity")
b. personal development and acceptance of gender identity
(1) development of personal concept of sexual/gender identity as sexual/gender
being.
(2) draw or attraction to involvement with others
3. Sexual acts inevitably express one's sexual/gender identity
a. God-given drives and desires (?)
b. hormonal impulses
B. Hebrew words and expressions relating to sexuality and sexual expression
1. Heb. zakar and neqebah - "male" and "female"
Gen. 1:27 - "male and female He created them"
2. Heb. ish and ishah - "man" and "woman"
Gen. 2:23 - "she shall be called Woman, because taken out of man"
3. Heb. words arom, erom, erwa -"nakedness" -Gen. 3:7; Lev. 18:6-23
Gen. 2:25 - "were naked and were not ashamed"
4. Heb. basar - "body parts"
Exod. 28:42 - "breeches to cover their bare flesh"
Lev. 15:19 - "discharge in her body"
5. Heb. yada - "to know" (euphemism for sexual intercourse)
Gen. 4:1,25 - "the man knew his wife Eve, and she conceived..."
6. Heb. ahab - "to love"
I Kings 11:1 - "King Solomon loved many foreign women"
7. Heb. bo- "go in to"
Prov. 6:29 - "one who goes in to his neighbour's wife"
8. Heb. shakab - "to lie with"
Gen. 19:33,35 - "go in and lie with him"
9. Heb. echad basar - "one flesh"
Gen. 2:24 - "they shall become one flesh"
10. Heb. dabaq - "join, cling, cleave"
Gen. 2:24 - "cleave to his wife"
C. Greek words and expressions relating to sexuality and sexual expression


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1. Gk. words arsen and thelu - "male and female" (Mk. 10:6)
Gal. 3:28 - "neither male nor female; all are one in Christ Jesus"
2. Gk. words aner and gune - "man" and "woman"
Matt. 14:21 - "five thousand men, plus women and children"
3. Gk. word aschemona - "unpresentable parts"
I Cor. 12:23 - "our unpresentable parts have more propriety"
4. Gk. word ginosko - "to know"
Lk. 1:34 - "how can this be, since I know no man?"
5. Gk. word koite - "to conceive," "marriage bed" (get Eng. "coitus")
Rom. 9:10 - Rebekah conceived twins by one man, Isaac"
Rom. 13:13 - "behave not in sexual promiscuity and sensuality"
Heb. 13:4 - "let the marriage bed be undefiled"
6. Gk. word kallao - "to be joined"
I Cor. 6:16 - "one who joins himself to a harlot is one body with her"
7. Gk. word skeuos - "vessel"
I Pet. 3:7 - "live with wives, as with a weaker vessel" ("sex"-RSV)
8. Gk. word porneia - "immorality" (get Eng. "porno")
I Thess. 4:3 - "abstain from sexual immorality"
9. Gk. word aselgeia - "sensuality"
Eph. 4:19 - "having given themselves over to sensuality"
10. Gk. word akatharsia - "impurity"
I Thess. 4:7 - "God has not called us for purpose of impurity"
II. Historical survey of sexuality
A. God's created intent for sexuality
1. Male and female, equal image-bearers of God - Gen. 1:26,27
2. Sexual intercourse and conception, undistorted by sin - Gen. 1:28,31
3. Biological and social counterparts and complements - Gen. 2:18,20
4. Monogamous relationship of marriage - Gen. 2:24
5. Commitment to unity in marriage - Gen. 2:24
6. Physical exposure without shame - Gen. 2:25
B. Distortion of sexuality in the fall of man
1. Gender dominance - cf. Gen. 3:16
a. women regarded as property
b. women valued primarily for procreative ability
c. women subjugated to perform at husband's whim
2. Sexual distortion
a. shame in physical exposure - Gen. 3:10
b. sex viewed as mechanical act
c. tolerance of male extra-marital sexual liaisons
d. sex deified in pagan religions (Artemis, Diana, Aphrodite)
3. Marital disintegration
a. marriage seen as convenience, expedience, social propriety
b. divorce at male prerogative
c. polygamous marriages
C. Reorientation of sexuality in Jesus Christ


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1. Gender equanimity and respect
a. equality of male and female - Gal. 3:28; I Pet. 3:7
b. women not to be regarded as "sex objects" - Matt. 5:28,29
c. women not to be reduced to reproductive role; child-bearing not necessary basis for
female gender fulfilment
d. accommodation to cultural gender roles - I Cor. 11:3-16;
Eph. 5:21-33; Col. 3:18; Titus 2:1-5; I Pet. 3:1-8
2. Sexual sanction
a. repudiation of sexual double-standards - Jn. 7:53 - 8:11
b. sexual expression in marriage is defiling - Heb. 13:4
c. sexuality is not divorced from spirituality - I Cor. 6:16,17
(1) sexual expression not governed by external laws, morals, values, virtues,
standards
(2) internalized, spiritual basis of expressing character of God - love, purity,
faithfulness, loyalty, relational, intimacy, oneness, commitment, respect, openness, vulnerability,
availability, visibility, creativity
(3) sexual expression involves the whole person, not just physical stimulation;
Christ in you engages in sexual expression
d. celebration of sexuality in marriage - desire, attraction, delight, enjoyment,
playfulness
(cf. Song of Sol; Prov 5:18,19)
3. Marital mutuality (cf. outline on "marriage")
a. option of marriage or singleness - Matt. 19:10-12; I Cor. 7:7-9; 33,34,50;
celibacy not a duty
b. covenantal basis of marriage
c. freedom of marital/sexual choices - I Tim. 4:4
d. mutuality of marital rights and expression - I Cor. 7:3-5
e. marital partnership; not hierarchical control
III. Evaluations of sexual attitudes and actions
A. Immorality - sexual intercourse outside of the God-ordained context for such between one
man and one woman in marriage. (I Cor. 6:13,18; Eph. 5:3; Col. 3:5; I Thess. 4:3);
(cf. outline on "immorality")
B. Fornication - sexual intercourse with unmarried partner outside of God's covenantal basis
of marriage relationships. (Exod. 22:16; Deut. 22:28,29; Heb. 13:4)
C. Adultery - sexual intercourse with betrothed or married person other than own spouse,
contrary to the faithfulness and loyalty of God's character. (Exod. 20:14; Prov. 2:16-19;
Matt. 5:27,28; Rom. 13:9)
D. Prostitution - sexual activities for hire, outside of God's Grace giving of oneself to another.
(Prov. 5:1-6; 7:6-23; I Cor. 6:16)
E. Rape - involuntary or forced sexual activity, contrary to God's respect of freedom of choice.
(Deut. 22:25,28,29; II Sam. 13:14). Spousal?
F. Incest - sexual activity with family relations, contrary to familial respect and honour that
God intends. (Lev. 18:6-18; 20:10-21; II Sam. 13; I Cor. 5:1)
G. Homosexuality - sexual activity with same sex, contrary to natural function between male
and female. (Lev. 18:22; 20:13; Rom. 1:26; I Cor. 6:9; I Tim. 1:10; Jude 7); (cf. outline on


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"homosexuality")
H. Sodomy - non-coital intercourse, usually associated with forced assault and
homosexuality, contrary to free choice and natural function. (Gen. 19:4-9; Jude 7)
I. Bestiality - sexual activity with animals, contrary to God's intent for such in personal human
relationships. (Lev. 18:23; 20:15,16)
J. Transvestitism - dressing and playing the role of the opposite sex, contrary to natural
function. (Deut. 22:5); transsexuality; sex alterations (chromosomal, psychological;
hermaphrodite
K. Masturbation - sexual self-stimulation, being non-relational cannot satisfy God's intent for
sexual expression. (Gen. 38:8-10; Lev. 15:16; 22:4)
L. Wet dreams - involuntary seminal emissions (Deut. 23:10)
M. Pornography - graphic portrayal of sexual acts. Artificial trivialization of sexuality.
Devalues, dehumanizes, exploits. Idealizes, glamorizes. Cheap substitute; voyeurism, peeping
Tom, peep shows
N. Lust - desire to engage in sexual activities, often fantasizing, scheming, planning to
possess or use another as object outside of legitimate marital relationship. (Matt. 5:28)
O. Sadism/masochism - sexual activities involves domination, abuse, violence, humiliation
which are destructive and dehumanizing, substituting pain for genuine sexual relationship in
gentleness and kindness.
P. Sexual abuse - to engage another in sexual activity by taking advantage or forcing another
on basis of gender, age, size, knowledge, position, authority, etc.; alleged repressed memories
of abuse.
Q. Sexual addiction - uncontrolled, obsession, compulsion in sexual thoughts or actions.
Such preoccupation becomes idolatry. Associated with "fleshly desires" and "besetting sin"
(Rom. 13:14; Gal. 5:16; Heb. 12:1)
R. Sexual fetishes - fixation on objects (ex. clothing), activities, body parts; paedophilia,
necrophilia.
S. Sexual performance - evaluating sexual activity on false bases of sexual technique,
pleasure, simultaneous orgasms, etc.; quantitative evaluation, sexual frequency
T. Sexual manipulation or control - power-plays of coercion or deprivation to control sexual
partner, failing to appreciate that love defers, is available to the other, and recognizes the
mystery of differing needs and desires.
U. Sexual harassment - unsolicited sexual advances, overtures, innuendoes toward another.
V. Sexism - one gender attempting to dominate, rule or subjugate other gender into
submission or subordination. History of male domination; recent history of radical feminism.
W. Sexual denial or inhibition - aversion, unwillingness to admit sexual identity or needs, or
engage in sexual activities, even in proper context. May be due to identification of sexuality
with sin, shame, evil; may be caused by guilt.
X. Nudity - naked exposure of physical body. Contextual considerations (marriage, locker
room, beach); religious attitudes; cultural considerations. Art, movies, etc.
Y. Sexual identity - understanding and acceptance of oneself as male or female sexual being.
Z. Sexually transmitted diseases - ex. syphilis, gonorrhoea, herpes, HIV
AA. Contraception - to hinder conception - coitus interruptus (withdrawal - Gen. 38:8-10),
rhythm, condom, diaphragm, oral (pill), spermicidal substances, transdermal, injection,
time-release hypodermal implantation, I.U.D., RU486, sterilization (vasectomy, tubal
ligation)


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IV. Christian approach to sex, sexuality and sexual acts
A. Acceptance of God's forgiveness in Jesus Christ for all sexual improprieties
1. Overcome destructive consequences of guilt, remorse, diminished personal concept,
depression, panic, phobias, inhibitions, aversions, self-destructive behaviours.
2. Confession of sins and receipt of God's forgiveness, cleansing, healing, and restoration
B. Development of Christian sexual identity
1. Christ in you as male or female sexual being
2. Christ in you lived out in sexual expression
C. Recognition of the grace of God in Jesus Christ for all sexual expression
1. Sexuality controlled by Holy Spirit - Eph. 5:18; Gal. 5:23
2. Character of God evidenced in all sexual expression - love, purity, faithfulness, loyalty,
personal, relational, intimacy, oneness, commitment, respect, openness, vulnerability,
availability, visibility, creativity



UNIT 6 ASSIGNMENTS


Complete the sentence and give the scripture passage where it is found:

1] God divided humanity into..........................................................................................................
.........................................................................................................................................................



2] Where does the English word sex come from? .......................................................................
........................................................................................................................................................

3] What is the purpose of contraception? .....................................................................................
......................................................................................................................................................
......................................................................................................................................................

4] Name at least 5 characteristics of God as evidence of sexual expression

.........................................................................................................................................................
.........................................................................................................................................................
.........................................................................................................................................................
.........................................................................................................................................................
.........................................................................................................................................................







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UNIT 6B SEXUAL ORIENTATION: SECULAR WORLD VIEW

This unit defines various sexual orientations and what they mean particularly in the secular
world view. It will also briefly identify less common orientations that are becoming alternatives to
the traditional understanding of sexuality

COMMON SEXUAL TERMS AND ORIENTATIONS
Asexual: is being considered as a fourth category of sexual orientation by some researchers
and has been described as the absence of traditional sexual orientation. An asexual is said to
have little to no sexual attraction to males or females. It may be considered a lack of a sexual
orientation, and there is significant debate continuing over whether or not this behaviour should
be considered a type of sexual orientation.
Bisexual: The idea regarding the predisposition to bisexuality, was first introduced by Sigmund
Freud, based on work by his associate Wilhelm Fliess. According to Freuds theory, all humans
are born bisexual but through psychological development, that includes both external and
internal reasons, most individuals become homosexual and the bisexual tendencies remain
dormant
Heterosexual: Heterosexuality is considered to be a romantic attraction, sexual
attraction or sexual behaviour between individuals of opposite sex. It also refers to "an enduring
pattern of or disposition to experience sexual, affectionate, physical or romantic attractions to
persons of the opposite sex"; additionally, it refers to "an individuals sense of identity based on
those attractions, related behaviours, and membership in a community of others who share
those attractions". This is in keeping with the Christian understanding of sexuality as prescribed
in the Bible. [Judeo-Christian tradition has several scriptures related to heterosexuality.
In Genesis 2:24, there is a commandment stating "Therefore shall a man leave his father and
his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh" (Gen 2:24) In 1
Corinthians, Christians are advised: Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man
not to marry. But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and
each woman her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and
likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her
husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his
wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may
devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you
because of your lack of self-control. I say this as a concession, not as a command. [NIV]

Homosexual: Homosexuality is described as a romantic attraction, sexual attraction or sexual
behaviour between members of the same sex or gender [two males or two females]. As
an orientation, homosexuality is condsidered to be an enduring pattern of or disposition to
experience sexual, affectionate, or romantic attractions primarily to people of the same sex.
Further, it also refers to a persons sense of personal and social identity.



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The terms commonly used for homosexual people are lesbian for females and gay for males,
however, gay is also used to refer generally to both homosexual males and females. Other
terms used in a derogatory manner are: sissy, queer, faggot, fag, homo and bum-boy.

Incest: Is defined as sexual relations or marriage between a male or female who are closely
related such as: brother and sister, parent and child, aunt or uncle etc. It is a crime that is
prohibited by law in most countries.

UNCOMMON TERMS AND SEXUAL ORIENTATION

Bestial: The term for sexual acts between humans and animals like dogs, cats, horses, snakes,
etc.

Pansexual or Polysexual: Pansexuality and Polysexuality are defined as follows: the prefix
pan means all, as in pansexuals are attracted to all genders, while the prefix poly means
multiple or many, as in polysexuals are attracted to multiple genders. It has been concluded
that both pansexuality and polysexuality are under the bisexual umbrella.

Transsexual: Transsexualism is when an individual identifies with a gender inconsistent or not
culturally associated with their birth assigned sex, i.e. meaning that person's assigned sex at birth
conflicts with what they perceive to be their psychological gender.
Zoophilia: The term denotes an abnormal human sexual attraction to animals.
The uncommon sexual orientations that involve having sex with more than one person or with
animals are outlawed in many civilised countries. However, research has proven that as of
2014, that the practice of Bestiality is legal in several countries in the world and several states in
America:
International: Brazil, Cambodia, Denmark, Finland, Mexico, Philippines, Russia, Sweden
[changing law to make it illegal], Thailand.
United States of America & Territories: Alabama, Connecticut, Hawaii, Kentucky, Nevada,
New Jersey, New Mexico, North Carolina, Ohio, Texas, Vermont, West Virginia, Wyoming,
District of Columbia, Guam and American Samoa. **Alabama criminalized zoophilia in 2014.
Some of the states in the USA aforementioned are looking criminalizing the practice.


*** It should be noted that Bestiality is illegal and punishable by law in the Commonwealth of
The Bahamas.




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UNIT 6B ASSIGNMENTS


1] Explain the following terms as it relates to sexual orientation:
Asexual
Zoophilia
Incest
Transsexual
Bisexual
Bestial

2] Name the countries were Bestiality is still legal.

3] In which states in the USA where Bestiality is still legal.

4] Write a 200 word essay on the following topic: Consenting adults can do whatever they want
sexually. Do you agree or disagree. Give examples and reasons for your point of view.












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UNIT 7 CHRISTIAN DATING & MARRIAGE

This unit seeks to provide rules for Christian youth who are ready to date and eventually marry
according to Gods purpose and plan.
Glenn T. Stanton states [who wrote the article Human Sexuality as a Picture of the Inner Life of
God] God creates man and woman as reflections of the image of the Trinity. He continues
that, We cant overlook the significance of this: God creates man and woman as reflections of
the image of the Trinity and the first command is to engage in the sexual embrace. This means
that when a man and woman come together in marital sexual intimacy, somehowmystically
they mirror the wonder, beauty, and creative power of God like no other part of creation.
Therefore it is imperative that Christians, follow some simple guidelines as it relates to dating
and marriage.
Following are guidelines adapted from the ChristianAnswers.net:
1. Guard your heart.
The Bible tells us to be very careful about giving our affections, because our heart
influences everything else in our life. Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the
wellspring of life (Proverbs 4:23).

2. You are known by the company you keep.
We also tend to become like the company we keep. This principle is closely related to
the first one and is just as important in friendships as in dating. Do not be misled: Bad
company corrupts good character (1 Corinthians 15:33).

3. Christians should only date other Christians.
Although it is fine for Christians to have non-Christian friends, those who are especially
close to our heart should be mature believers who are seeking to follow Christ with their
lives. You are to be guided by the Holy Spirit. Do not be yoked together with unbelievers.
For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can
light have with darkness? (2 Corinthians 6:14).

4. Is it really love?
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 defines real love. Ask yourself these questions:
a. Are you patient with each other?
b. Are you kind to each other?
c. Are you never envious of each other?
d. Do you never boast to or about each other?
e. Is your relationship characterized by humility?
f. Are you never rude to each other?
g. Are you not self-seeking?
h. Are you not easily angered with each other?
i. Do you keep no record of wrongs?


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j. Are you truthful with each other?
k. Do you protect each other?
l. Do you trust each other?
If you answered yes to the above questions, then 1 Corinthians 13 says that you truly have a
loving relationship. If you answered no to any of the above questions, then maybe you should
discuss those issues with your boyfriend or girlfriend.
The question is asked by many students, How far should I go on a date? Following are some
points of reference that will help you decide what appropriate behaviour is on a date:
A. Does the situation I put myself in invite sexual immorality or help me avoid it?
1 Corinthians 6:18 says to "flee from sexual immorality." We cannot do this if we are
tempting ourselves through carelessness.

B. What kind of reputation does my potential date have?
When you accept a date you are essentially saying, "My values are the same as your
values." That in itself can put you in a position you may regret later. Remember 1
Corinthians 15:33, "Bad Company corrupts good character."


C. Will there be any pressure to use alcohol or drugs?
Don't give up your values for a date.
D.
Am I attracting the wrong type of person?
Make sure that the message you send with your actions doesn't attract people who will lead
you to compromise your values.

E. Am I aware that sin is first committed in the heart?
Matthew 5:28 says, "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has
already committed adultery with her in his heart."

F. Are you going to the right kind of place for a date?
Many good intentions have been forgotten because the temptation and opportunity were too
great.

G. Am I doing anything to encourage sexual desire?
Don't engage in any impure contact that is sexually motivated, such as petting. God is
faithful and just to forgive our sins if we confess them. You can start fresh with God anytime
you want to.
God is holy.
His word tells us that sexual sin is wrong, and He knows what is best.



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God is caring.
God knows that going too far before marriage tends to break up couples and leads to less
happy marriages. He knows that most guys do not want to marry a girl who has been intimate
with someone else.
If you follow the steps listed above using Gods word as your guide you should have healthy
relationships that will grow and prosper according to HIS will and purpose for your lives.


UNIT 7 ASSIGNMENTS

You are to write two [2] essays on the following topics. Each essay should be a total of 150
words or more. Please give examples and biblical references to support your point of view.

Essay 1 Bad Company corrupts good character. Do you agree or disagree with this
statement?

Essay 2 What does it mean to flee from sexual immorality?














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UNIT 7A THE MARRIAGE BED: WHATS OKAY, WHATS NOT


At this point we need to discuss what is acceptable in the confines of the marriage bed.
Hebrews 13:4 says: Let marriage be held in honour by all, and let the marriage bed be kept
undefiled.
In todays society the world view is that anything goes, however this is not the case as it relates
to the word of God. Our instruction guide for marriage and all that it entails comes from Gods
word to us in scripture as follows:
1. The Bible tells us to abstain from immoral sex and indicates the following are sin:
o fornication/unmarried sex (Galatians 5:19, 1 Corinthians 7:2 & 36)
o adultery (Exodus 20:14, Matthew 5:27)
o homosexuality (Leviticus 18:22 , Romans 1:26-27)
o bestiality (Leviticus 18:23 & 20:15-16)
o prostitution (Leviticus 19:29, Deuteronomy 23:17, Proverbs 23:27, 1 Corinthians
6:15-16)
o incest (Leviticus 18:6)
2. We are to have sex only in marriage; one man with one woman. (Matthew 19:4-5, 1
Timothy 3:2 & 12)
3. We are expected to lovingly meet the legitimate sexual needs and wants of our spouse (1st
Corinthians 7:3-5

The abovementioned are all direct biblical commands. In addition there are requirements set
out for us as believers [which we should apply to our roles as husbands and wives], which add
the following restrictions:

Love for our spouse, respect for the bodies and minds God created and, requires us to avoid
anything which can cause problems: [Ephesians 5:29 & 33, 1 Corinthians 6:19]

o physically
o medically
o emotionally
o mentally
o spiritually
o relationally

We should never push our spouse to compromise their beliefs. (Romans 14:1 & 14 & 23)

We should not be controlled by anything. (1 Corinthians 6:12 & 10:23)





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Anything that doesnt violate these main beliefs should be okay within the marriage bed. Having
said that, it's important that your sexual activities benefit your sense of intimacy and oneness as
a couple. It's also important for a couple to have regular intercourse, if they are able to. While
the Bible does not speak to this, science has shown that all sex is not alike, and intercourse has
an effect on our bodies, minds, and emotions [and we also believe our spirits].
In order to understand the variety of sex acts possible, and recognizing that each couple is
different, we liken the marriage bed to a recreational area. Around this area is a fence which
separates a couple from sexual acts that are sinful, dangerous, or simply unacceptable for
Christians. As a couple you need to determine where the fence around the recreational area is,
what will be allowed inside and what will be outside that fence. There are some specific
bedroom activities to be considered which are in keeping with Christian principles mentioned
above. None of the activities are being recommended as the way to go, rather we want ensure
that couples have a framework to decide what sexual activities will build and strengthen their
marriage or which may damage it beyond repair. As a couple how you feel about these things
will be influenced by personal preferences, past experience, and your understanding of the
Word of God. Some of the sexual activities that are considered for the bedroom are as follows:

MANUAL SEX: Manual sex is using the hands to sexually stimulate your spouse's genitals. It
can be done as foreplay, or as a way of causing orgasm. Manual sex does not violate any of the
principles we have given, and there are even strong hints of it in the Song of Songs. We can
see no reason not to use our hands to arouse each other before intercourse or to have an
orgasm before, after, or instead of intercourse. Manual sex can be a good way to deal with
seriously mismatched sex drives. While some people think of manual sex as a "juvenile" act of
limited pleasure, it's possible to become very skilled at giving a great deal of pleasure with your
hands.

ORAL SEX: Oral sex is using the mouth to sexually stimulate your spouse's genitals. Oral sex
can be done as foreplay, or to bring about orgasm. As with manual sex, there are no hints of
prohibition in the Bible, and many scholars of the Song of Songs are convinced that several
passages describe oral sex being performed on both the man and the woman. See the Song of
Songs 2:3, the woman performing oral sex on the man, and Song of Songs 4:16 and possibly
8:2 for the man doing it to the woman all appear to be demonstrations of oral sex between the
parties. Some persons have an aversion to the idea of oral sex, due to some teaching that is
less than accurate, or a negative feeling about the genitals or sex in general. It is not wise to
pressure such a person for oral sex as it will result in hard feelings and arguments. On the other
hand, there are those who think they are missing one of the best things sex has to offer if they
don't experience oral sex. While oral sex can be very enjoyable, it is not the end-all of sexual
acts, and there are other ways of producing similar pleasure. Couples who are at odds over oral
sex need to give each other some room, and they should each privately examine their feelings
about oral sex.


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MASTURBATION: It is our belief that masturbation is not essentially wrong, but there does
seem to be some valid concerns about masturbation by married folks. We are commanded to
meet our spouse's sexual needs, and any masturbation which limits our ability to do this is
wrong. Additionally, if we feel a need to masturbate, that may well be a sign our spouse is not
meeting our needs. However, what if one person has a much stronger sex drive? It seems to us
that this does not "relieve" the less-interested person of responsibility for meeting their spouse's
sexual needs. If masturbation is needed more than occasionally, it may well be a sign of a
problem. It is especially a concern if a person's spouse is unaware of masturbation, or is
unaware of how frequent their spouse masturbates. What if one spouse in unable to have sex
because of sickness or physical limitations? In this situation, masturbation seems a reasonable
option, but we would suggest it is best done in the presence of the spouse. This significantly
reduces the chances of wrong thoughts, and allows the partner to be a part of the activity by
holding the one masturbating, offering some form of stimulation, or describing what they could
be doing if they were both able to have sex. There is also the matter of mutual masturbation
where a couple watches, each other masturbate. Most men and some women find this very
arousing, and it can be informative as well. As a frequent alternative to more interactive sex,
mutual masturbation could be a problem, but we know of no biblical or medical reasons why it
would be wrong or unwise to do this from time to time.
The above information is not conclusive, but will be helpful and give Christian young adults a
framework for discussing things and a way of determining whether something will build or harm
their marriage relationship.
It is for this reason counselling before marriage is strongly recommended. You are
encouraged to talk and pray together to find what is right for you. It recommended that during
these sessions, methods of contraception should also be discussed and decided upon.













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RESORCES & ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

The Building Blocks for Spiritual Growth and Living Manual was compiled by Mrs. R. Cecilia
Askew using the following resources with adaptations where appropriate:
Canon Harry W. Ward
Anglican Diocesan Family Life Ministry

Justice Rubie Nottage
Nottage, Miller & Co.

Spiritual Themes [Structured Exercises in Healing], Volume 2

ChristianAnwers.net
http://christiananswers.net/

Christ in You Minsitries
http://www.christinyou.net/pages/sexuality.html

Pastoral Care Inc.
http://pastoralcareinc.com/Articles/CC/ThoughtLife.php

Global Dialogue Foundation
http://www.globaldialoguefoundation.org/files/FAM.2009-mar.CaribbeanFamilies.pdf

Cape Sociology
http://capesociology.org/does-matrifocality-characterize-caribbean-families-361.html

Bahamian Kinship and the Power of Women
http://www.nicobethel.net/nico-at-home/academia/bahkinship.html

Different Sexual Orientations
http://straightout.weebly.com/different-sexual-orientations.html

Zoophilia & Bestiality
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zoophilia

Pure Intimacy
http://www.pureintimacy.org/h/human-sexuality-as-a-picture-of-the-inner-life-of-god/

The Marriage Bed: Sex & Intamacy for Married Christians
http://site.themarriagebed.com/sexuality/sexual-play/