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About discovering productive ways of handling conflict, about understand why the others are different
Ways that make a difference in all areas of our lives
Work Colleagues
Individual Assignment
LEADERSHIP LAB MSC
Report on the situation, on your behaviour and the taughts you have about it, and your personal plan established at the end of the session
Minimum 400 words Portuguese, French or English
By 16th of October, 23h59
AGENDA
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Understanding Conflict
Understanding Conflict
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Conflict
what does that cover? What does it mean to you? (write down to after share with the group)
Think of a conflict which has been handled in a destructive way. What are some of the outcomes in such a case? Think of a conflict which has been handled constructively. What are some of the outcomes in such a case?
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Conflict is . . .
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any situation
in which your
concerns or desires
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Levels of Conflict
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Levels of conflict
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Discomforts
Incidents
Misunderstandings
STAY ALERT!
Tension
Crisis
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Tools
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Just as a tool can be used in many situations, so too can these skills.
We can use the same skill dealing with our young brothers and sisters, as we might with a colleague at the university or at work or with our parents or our superiors at work.
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Conclusion
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Ah, CONFLICT!
WHAT AN OPPORTUNITY!!!
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How many of you hearing having all your wishes granted thought there are to be a winner and a loser? That it was a competition? Who discussed it with the partners?
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avoiding
raised voices
threatening
facial expressions withholding information
pre-empting
agitation body posture
shouting
hostile gestures silent treatment
no eye contact
. . . others?
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Flight
Fight
avoiding
withdrawing withholding information
threatening
pre-empting getting others to take sides shouting hostile gestures
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Distancing = Walk-aways
Coercion = Power-plays
FIGHT
Aggressive
The intention which may be unconscious, is to come down hard on the issue, with little concern for the person.
FLIGHT
Passive
FLOW
Assertive
The intention is to solve the issue whilst respecting everyone in the conflict.
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A story
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Assertiveness
Cooperativeness
Skill
Situation
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Copyright 1996 by Xicom, Incorporated. Revised binder 2003 by CPP, Inc. Xicom, Incorporated, is a subsidiary of CPP, Inc. Permission is hereby granted to reproduce this overhead for workshop use only.
From Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument by K. W. Thomas and R. H. Kilmann, 1974, 2000. Mountain View, CA: Xicom, Incorporated, subsidiary of CPP, Inc. Copyright 1974, 2000 by CPP, Inc. Used with permission.
The Dialog requires the Cardinal Rules: 1) No Walk-aways We must stay in the room 2) No Power-plays We must not impose one-sided solutions
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Conflict follows a predictable path through each of the three aspects of human experience
Trigger Repetition
Power-plays
Acting out
Behavior
Actions taken to protect ourselves in response to the perceived risk
Walk-aways
Perception of threat
Cognition
Thoughts Ideas Perceptions
Protection
Emotion
Anger Fear Hurt
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Cost factors:
#1: Wasted time #2: Opportunity cost of wasted time #3: Lowered job motivation and productivity #4: Lost performance due to conflict-related absenteeism #5: Loss of investment in skilled employees #6: Conflict-incited theft, sabotage, vandalism, and damage #7: Restructuring around the problem #8: Health costs #9: Degraded decision quality
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Conciliatory Gestures
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Apologizing Owning responsibility Conceding Self-disclosing Expressing positive feelings Initiating both-gain
stimulates
produces
Person As Inhibitory Reflex
stimulates
Person Bs Conciliatory Gesture
2003, 2006 by Dana Mediation, Inc. All rights reserved.
produces
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Breakthrough
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Step 1: Find a time to talk A conversation about having a conversation No communication = no solution Step 2: Plan the context Remove the land mines Protect the dialogue Step 3: Talk it out Do two simple tasks Use natural forces toward harmony to produce the Breakthrough
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trust)
No risk of physical violence
Mara, as the initiator of Self Mediation, must define the business problem in the form of an issue statement . . . I would like to talk with you about X. What is X?
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Issue Statements
Criteria:
Unbiased - impartial to either of us?
Objective - does not place blame? Specific - so the other knows exactly what is to be
solved?
Resolvable do we have the authority to solve it? Concise brief?
A problem well-defined is a problem half-solved.
General model:
Im concerned about the business outcome at risk.
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The Approach
Choose when and where
Choose to Dialogue!
The Request
A checklist
Where?
Physical comforts
When?
Tissues?
Enough time?
No scheduling conflicts
How soon after Step 1? Too tired?
Other considerations?
What does Mara accomplish in her opening statement? How (and why) does she invite Jordan to speak? Once their dialogue begins, what tasks does she perform?
1) Expresses appreciation Thanks for joining me. 2) Expresses optimism 3) Reminds about the Cardinal Rules Ive made arrangements to not be interruptedhave you too? 4) Puts focus on the issue to resolve My understanding of the problem were here to solve isand yours?
Ref.
Retaliatory Cycle
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What does Mara accomplish in her opening statement? How (and why) does she invite Jordan to speak? Once their dialogue begins, what tasks does she perform?
Start the dialogue by listening, not by telling. Help me understand you. Reduces his perception of threat
Ref.
Retaliatory
Cycle
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The Opening
State the issue The Invitation Help me understand you The Dialogue Task #1: Remain in the Dialog
The Breakthrough
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Balanced
Both of us benefit. We share sacrifices and compromises.
Behaviorally specific
What we will do, not what we may think or feel.
Written
A record of what each one will do in the future.
I argue very well. Just ask any of my remaining friends. ~ Dave Barry
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Competition
Cooperation
Integrative dimension
Creating value Enlarging the pie
Distributive dimension
Claiming value Slicing the pie
Key idea: Take into account other partys interests without forgeting your own interests
Self mediation
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Self Mediation for successful dialogs, a practical communication tool for resolving conflicts between yourself and others . . .
When to use . . . How to use . . . When not to use . . .
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Develop a personal action plan for putting your learnings about Self Mediation into practice
My Action Plan (Name:________________________________________) Good intentions at the close of an inspiring workshop can fade when the crush of daily duties nudges them out of awareness. An action plan can help ensure application of learning's you have gained during these sessions. Write in detail: What Im going to do:
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Congratulations