WISDOM IN A NUTSHELL

Dont Sweat the Small Stuff . . . and its all small stuff
Simple Ways to Keep the Little Things from Taking Over Your Life

By by Richard Carlson, Ph.D.

Hyperion, New York, 1997 ISBN 0-7868-8185-2 248 pages

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Authors website: http://www.dontsweat.com

The Big Idea

The co-author of Handbook for the Soul offers 100 simple but powerful strategies for bringing harmony and peace of mind into individual life. The strategies allow for changes in paradigm and changes in practice --changes that can lead to a more relaxed and more satisfying life.

Introduction
Habitual reactions to problems, adversities, and other challenges in life may actually be counter-productive. By learning to reduce your stress level by remaining calm, you could actually increase your productivity and your potential for a happier life.

Chapter 1: Dont Sweat the Small Stuff You could be wasting much of your energy on matters that are not really important. If you can let go of these less consequential concerns, you can have more energy to enjoy life.

Chapter 2: Make Peace with Imperfection Your need to have the world absolutely perfect can be a result of your too much attention on the ways in which the world isnt. Your insistence on perfection then becomes the cause of your own discontent, your own frustration.

Chapter 3: Let Go of the Idea that Gentle, Relaxed People Cant Be Superachievers Perhaps you believe that if you were to become less stressed and less pressured, you will become lazy and therefore achieve less. Just the opposite is true. A more relaxed individual is more creative, more motivated, and is able to accomplish more.

Chapter 4: Be Aware of the Snowball Effect of Your Thinking Perhaps you have thoughts that build upon themselves, multiplying quickly, agitating you, and causing your emotions to go from bad to worse. By stopping these thoughts before they multiply, you can avoid adding them and their effects to your problems.

Chapter 5: Develop Your Compassion Compassion facilitates the adoption of a more positive perspective on life. Compassion can be developed with practice. Compassion, however, cannot stop at intention. Compassion must continue on to action.

Chapter 6: Remind Yourself that When You Die, Your In Basket Wont Be Empty There is more to life than making sure that every item on your to-do list is accomplished. This achievement should not be the ultimate goal of your life.

Chapter 7: Dont Interrupt Others or Finish Their Sentences When you sit at the edge of your seat, waiting for an opportunity to interrupt the speaker and trying to anticipate the speakers next thought or words, you are working double-time-- on his message and yours. You are subjecting yourself and the speaker to pressure rather than allowing both of you to relax. You are depriving yourself of the opportunity to understand, learn from, and enjoy the conversation.

Chapter 8: Do Something Nice for Someone Else --- and Dont Tell Anyone About It Telling others about your act of kindness only reduces the pleasure you derive from the act.

Chapter 9: Let Others Have the Glory A deep feeling of serenity comes with no longer needing to have everyones attention directed towards you.

Chapter 10: Learn to Live in the Present Moment The past is done and cannot be changed, the future is yet to come. By focusing on the present moment, you concentrate on a period that you are capable of influencing and can actually derive pleasure from.

Chapter 11: Imagine that Everyone Is Enlightened Except You By trying to discern what the words and actions of others are trying to teach you, you avoid becoming irritated with others. Instead you allow yourself an opportunity for self-improvement.

Chapter 12: Let Others Be Right Most of the Time Free yourself from the pressure of having to be always right. It is not necessary to always prove the other wrong.

Chapter 13: Become More Patient Patience is a requisite to your capacity to accept life for what it is. acceptance is necessary to the enjoyment of life.

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Chapter 14: Create Patience Practice Periods Rather than avoiding circumstances which may try your patience, intentionally allow yourself opportunities for practice.

Chapter 15: Be the First One to Act Loving or Reach Out Being right is not as important as being happy. Letting someone else be right does not mean you are wrong.

Chapter 16: Ask Yourself the Question, Will This Matter a Year from Now? The emotional energy expended may be more useful in other important matters.

Chapter 17: Surrender to the Fact that Life Isnt Fair Instead of dwelling on the unfairness of life, optimize the possibilities that life offers.

Chapter 18: Allow Yourself to Be Bored Boredom is good. It allows time for your mind to rest and renew its creativity.

Chapter 19: Lower Your Tolerance to Stress Be on the lookout for the onset of stress. Detect stress early so you can back off before the stress level rises out of control. In being less stressed, you will accomplish more and better, and enjoy yourself to boot.

Chapter 20: Once a Week, Write a Heartfelt Letter Writing the letter will remind you of the blessings in your life.

Chapter 21: Imagine Yourself at Your Own Funeral The exercise may prove to be your reminder of the life you really wish to have and of the priorities you truly value.

Chapter 22: Repeat to Yourself, Life Isnt an Emergency Many times, you create the pressure that you suffer with.

Chapter 23: Experiment with Your Back Burner Your mind has many means for solving problems. Conscious analysis is only one of them. You can also make use of less stressful means.

Chapter 24: Spend a Moment Every Day Thinking of Someone to Thank This exercise will help you to recall the positive aspects of your life.

Chapter 25: Smile at Strangers, Look into Their Eyes, and Say Hello The encounters will be rewarding.

Chapter 26: Set Aside Quiet Time, Every Day By setting aside a quiet time for yourself, you will feel that you have time for yourself and will therefore not begrudge your time with others.

Chapter 27: Imagine the People in Your Life as Tiny Infants and as OneHundred-Year-Old Adults Imagining someone as an infant and then as someone extremely old will allow you to be more compassionate toward him, even if he were someone who irritates you.

Chapter 28: Seek First to Understand Your sincere desire to understand will be appreciated by the speaker. This will facilitate effective communication between the two of you.

Chapter 29: Become a Better Listener Your being a good listener will impact your relationships in a positive way.

Chapter 30: Choose Your Battles Wisely Not all battles are worth the energy required to fight them.

Chapter 31: Become Aware of Your Moods and Dont Allow Yourself to Be Fooled by the Low Ones Moods affect perception. Important life decisions are better made in good times.

Chapter 32: Life Is a Test. It Is Only a Test Each challenge is an opportunity to learn and to grow.

Chapter 33: Praise and Blame Are All the Same You cannot please all people all of the time. Do not resent the disapproval.

Chapter 34: Practice Random Acts of Kindness Enjoy the good feeling that doing an act of kindness brings.

Chapter 35: Look Beyond Behavior See beyond behavior to the good intention, the friendship, the love behind the misleading act.

Chapter 36: See the Innocence Seeing the innocence behind the behavior will allow you to be compassionate.

Chapter 37: Choose Being Kind over Being Right That the other is wrong does not imply that you are right. It is more rewarding to be kind than to be right.

Chapter 38: Tell Three People (Today) How Much You Love Them For some, it is the most important statement in the world.

Chapter 39: Practice Humility Humility and serenity are co-requisites. The less you require the approval of others, the more tranquil you will be.

Chapter 40: When in Doubt about Whose Turn It Is to Take Out the Trash, Go Ahead and Take It Out The need to keep score is brought on by the fear of being taken advantage of. Keeping score requires more energy than it is worth.

Chapter 41: Avoid Weatherproofing Being over critical does not help relationships in anyway. Avoid being over critical.

Chapter 42: Spend a Moment, Every Day, Thinking of Someone to Love Thinking of someone to love helps prevent feelings of resentment from arising.

Chapter 43: Become an Anthropologist Instead of regarding the way others behave and live as objects to be judged, consider the way others behave and live as objects of interesting study.

Chapter 44: Understand Separate Realities Expect others to see the world differently from you. Expect the way others react to a reality to be different from the way you would react to the same circumstances.

Chapter 45: Develop Your Own Helping Rituals Think of something helpful that you can do that does not require much effort. Do it regularly.

Chapter 46: Every Day, Tell at Least One Person Something You Like, Admire, or Appreciate about Them To pay an individual a heartfelt compliment is truly an act of kindness. The compliment brightens his day, also yours.

Chapter 47: Argue for Your Limitations, and Theyre Yours I cant is a powerful statement. It often becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Discard statements which limit you.

Chapter 48: Remember that Everything Has Gods Fingerprints on It Remembering this will help you see the good, the beautiful, the holy even in unpleasant circumstances.

Chapter 49: Resist the Urge to Criticize Your being over critical neither helps you nor the person you criticize. A habit of tolerance and respect produces better results.

Chapter 50: Write Down Your Five Most Stubborn Positions and See if You Can Soften Them You might be holding on much too tightly to some ideas. The resulting rigidity of your position may not be working in your favor.

Chapter 51: Just for Fun, Agree with Criticism Directed Toward You (Then Watch It Go Away) A criticism is merely an opinion expressed regarding you with which you do not agree. A criticism is not a major battle in which you are required to utilize all available weaponry to defend yourself. A criticism is an opportunity for you to learn more about yourself. Stay calm.

Chapter 52: Search for the Grain of Truth in Other Opinions You will get to know others better. You will interact better with others. You will learn more.

Chapter 53: See the Glass as Already Broken (and Everything Else Too) Expect things to break. Expect things to end. Through this, you will not overreact when they do. Nothing lasts forever.

Chapter 54: Understand the Statement, Wherever You Go, There You Are You bring yourself --- your paradigms, your attitudes, your frustrations, your dreams --- with you wherever you go. Unless you change the spectacles through which you see the world, you will continue to see the world in the same way no matter where you may be.

Chapter 55: Breathe Before You Speak Breathing facilitates successful communication. The person you are speaking with will feel listened to. He will be more inclined to listen to you.

Chapter 56: Be Grateful when Youre Feeling Good, and Graceful when Youre Feeling Bad Everyone has bad days. Every bad day ends. Handle it gently until it ends.

Chapter 57: Become a Less Aggressive Driver Aggressive driving is neither good for your health, your timetable, nor for others on the road. Put the time you spend driving to more constructive and relaxing use.

Chapter 58: Relax You can control the way you respond. You can train yourself to respond in a less stressful way to the things that are happening in your life.

Chapter 59: Adopt a Child Through the Mail Become a foster parent. Enjoy the interaction through correspondence. Be constantly reminded of how fortunate you are.

Chapter 60: Turn Your Melodrama into a Mellow-Drama Your life does not have to be a soap opera. You can stop blowing things out of proportion.

Chapter 61: Read Articles and Books with Entirely Different Points of View from Your Own and Try to Learn Something The experience will broaden you. It will help you to relate better with others.

Chapter 62: Do One Thing at a Time This will allow you to get engrossed in what you are doing. You will be able to take care of the matter quickly and with more enjoyment.

Chapter 63: Count to Ten It helps keep you from overreacting.

Chapter 64: Practice Being in the Eye of the Storm Commit to staying calm. You will enjoy yourself more.

Chapter 65: Be Flexible with Changes in Your Plans Make up your mind to be flexible. Do not sacrifice the more important for the less important.

Chapter 66: Think of What You Have Instead of What You Want If all you ever think about are the things that you do not have and the things that you wish you had, you will continue to be discontented.

Chapter 67: Practice Ignoring Your Negative Thoughts You always can choose which thoughts to pay attention to.

Chapter 68: Be Willing to Learn from Friends and Family Usually they know you better than others do.

Chapter 69: Be Happy Where You Are Allow yourself to be happy now. There is no reason to postpone your happiness. Dont wait for you dream comes true before being happy.

Chapter 70: Remember that You Become What You Practice Most Choose the attitudes and feelings you wish to have and practice them.

Chapter 71: Quiet the Mind Try meditation. Inner peace is reflected in outer calm.

Chapter 72: Take Up Yoga It is an effective stress reducer.

Chapter 73: Make Service an Integral Part of Your Life

Chapter 74: Do a Favor and Dont Ask For, or Expect, One in Return

Chapter 75: Think of Your Problems as Potential Teachers Instead of denying them or resisting your problems, accept them and see what you can learn from them.

Chapter 76: Get Comfortable Not Knowing No one can know everything. It is alright not to know.

Chapter 77: Acknowledge the Totality of Your Being No one is perfect, not even you. Treat yourself with compassion and loving kindness.

Chapter 78: Cut Yourself Some Slack Expect to have setbacks and failures. These are a natural part of being human. Do not condemn yourself. Just pick yourself up and continue on.

Chapter 79: Stop Blaming Others You are responsible for your own happiness. What makes you is not the circumstances surround you but what you do in those circumstances.

Chapter 80: Become an Early Riser Have some time reserved just for yourself early in the morning.

Chapter 81: When Trying to Be Helpful, Focus on Little Things Your desire to do great things for others in the future should not get in the way of your being able to do little things for others now.

Chapter 82: Remember, One Hundred Years from Now, All New People When in a crisis or in extreme stress, ask yourself, Will this matter a hundred years hence?

Chapter 83: Lighten Up Frustrations are caused by expectations. Let go of your expectations.

Chapter 84: Nurture a Plant Caring for a plant provides you with the opportunity to practice unconditional love. The practice can later be extended to others.

Chapter 85: Transform Your Relationship to Your Problems Problems will always be a part of life. Instead of running away from problems, accept them and learn from them.

Chapter 86: The Next Time You Find Yourself in an Argument, Rather than Defend Your Position, See if You Can See the Other Pont of View First

Chapter 87: Redefine a Meaningful Accomplishment An accomplishment is significant if it corresponds to a significant goal. Keep on track by prioritizing the attainment of objectives which correspond to major life goals.

Chapter 88: Listen to Your Feelings (They Are Trying to Tell You Something)

Chapter 89: If Someone Throws You the Ball, You Dont Have to Catch It

Chapter 90: One More Passing Show Everything has a beginning and an end. Even the very worst of times will pass.

Chapter 91: Fill Your Life with Love

Chapter 92: Realize the Power of Your Own Thoughts Negative feelings begin with negative thoughts. Negative feelings about your life stem from negative thoughts about your life. Notice, however, that it is the thoughts which are negative, not your life.

Chapter 93: Give Up on the Idea that More Is Better If your happiness depends on satisfying your desire to have more and more and more, you will never be happy. Keep your happiness independent of your desire to have more.

Chapter 94: Keep Asking Yourself, Whats Really Important? Everyday, ask yourself this question to ensure that you remain on track to your life goals.

Chapter 95: Trust Your Intuitive Heart

Chapter 96: Be Open to What Is The acceptance of the present, for what it is, is essential to the cultivation of inner peace and to the enjoyment of the present moment.

Chapter 97: Mind Your Own Business You have more than enough of your own concerns to attend to.

Chapter 98: Look for the Extraordinary in the Ordinary Intend to see the extraordinary and you will.

Chapter 99: Schedule Time for Your Inner Work Make a daily appointment with yourself to spend time just for you.

Chapter 100: Live This Day as if It Were Your Last. It Might Be!