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every 10 sec a
woman gives birth to a kid.
a sardar stands up- we must find & stop her!.
8 sardar's wish :when i die,i wana die like my grandpa who died
peacefully in his sleep not screaming like all the
passengers in the
car he was driving..
12 a man asked sardarji, why manmohan singh goes walking at evening not
in the morning. sardarji replied "arey bhai manmohan is pm not am".
13 wife: you always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. why?
darling : when there is a problem, no matter how impossible, i look at your
picture and the problem disappears.
wife: you see, how miraculous and powerful i am for you?
darling : yes, i see your picture and say to myself, "what other problem can
there be greater than this one?
14 girl: when we get married, i want to share all your worries, troubles
and lighten your burden.
boy: it's very kind of you, darling, but i don't have any worries or
troubles.
girl: well that is because we aren't married yet.
15 son: mom, when i was on the bus with dad this morning, he told me to
give up my seat to a lady.
mom: well, you have done the right thing.
son: but mum, i was sitting on daddy's lap.
16 a newly married man asked his wife, "would you have married me if
my father hadn't left me a fortune?" "honey," the woman replied sweetly,
"i'd have married you no matter who left you a fortune"
18 a teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans"..
my father grows beans," said one student. "my father cooks beans," said
another.
then little johnny spoke up: "we are all human beans."
20 its funny when people discuss over "love marriage" and "arranged marriage"
it is like asking a person if he would like to "hang himself" or "shoot himself".
22 guide: "i welcome you all to niagara falls. these are the world's largest
waterfalls and the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, even 20
supersonic planes passing by can't be heard.
now may i request the ladies to keep quite so that we can hear the niagara
falls?"
24 as a old man was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him,
"herman, i just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on route
280. please be careful!"
"it's not just one car," said herman, "it's hundreds of them!"
27 sardar comes back 2 his car & finds a note saying "parking fine"
29 once a sardhar was walking and had a glove on one hand and not on
other so the man asked him why did he do so. he replied that the
weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other
hand it would be hot.
30 sardarji bought a brand new maruti and decided to drive down from amritsar,
where he lived, to jalandar to meet his friend. he reached there in a few hours.
after spending a few days there, he decided to return, and called up his mother
to expect him in the evening. but he didn't reach in the evening and not the
next day either. "
when he finally reached home on the third day, his distraught mother ran and
asked him " arre puttar, ki hoya?
(what happened, my son?)
31 the sardarji got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said, "oy,
ye marutti wale pagal hain, agge jaane waaste chaar gear banaate hain, )
aur pichche jaane waaste sirf ik?" (these maruti car people are crazy! they
have four gears for going forward, but only one for going back!
because all of the first lot had died. a month later he was back at t he dealer
for another hundred chickens for the second lot had also died
'but i think i know where i'm going wrong,' said santa, 'i think i'm planting
them too deep.'
33 2 dost suicide karne gae, pahala : "hey bhagwan muje dunia ki saari
nafrat de pareshani de duk de!" dusra dost : "abe tu maut maang raha
hai ki reliance mai job.
36 .how can a sardar kill a lion ? sardarji thinks n thinks hard &
comes to a conclusion: i'll drink poison n let lion eat me. o' bolo
ta ra ra.
39 papa : beta har parai stri ko apni maa samjho to tumhara character
thik ho jaaega.....beta : lekin papa fir aap ke character ka kya
hoga....???
40 sardar: o banno car ki speed itani ky badha di..? biwi: oji car ki
break
fail ho gayi hai, exident ho jaye iske pahale ghar pahunch jaate hai.
45 teacher : correct the sentence, "a bull and a cow is grazing in the
field"
student : a cow and a bull is grazing in the field
teacher : how?
student : ladies first.
46 customer: if i post this letter tonight, will it get to delhi in two days
time?
post master : yes sir, it definitely will.
customer : i bet you, it won't.
post master : why not?
customer : it's addressed to mumbai.
47 1st thief : oh ! the police is here. quick! jump out of the window!
2nd thief : but this is the 13th floor.
1st thief : hurry! this is no time for superstitions
50 they say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is
love; after marriage it is self-defense
53 after finishing mbbs, dr. munna starts his practice. he chcked 1st
patient eyes, tongue & ears by torch
& finally said bole to.......... torch theeeek hai
59 do sardar jee motor cycle per bomb lay kar jarahay thay,
rastay main speed breaker ki waja say jhatkay lag rahay thay,
sardar jee ka dost bola yaar aaram say gari chalao kahi bomb na
phatjain,
sardar jee...oo tussi fiker hi naker assi kay pass dosra bhi tu bomb
hay. :)
60 aik sharabi raatkay waqat apnay dost kay sath jaraha hota hay. rastay
main talab per nazar parhti hay tu us main us ko chand dikhta hay woh
apny dost say
kahta hay yaar ye kia hay.dost kehta hay chand hay. sharabi hairan ho
ker
yaar hum log itnay upper aagaiy
61 santa singh goes to a tv shop and asks, 'aap ke paas color tv hai
kya?'
'haan' replies shopowner. santa singh says, 'ek hara vala dena!'
62 a sardar calls another sardar on the phone & says "hi, main bol raha
hoon".
the other sardar replies "kamaal hain,ithe bhi main bol raha hoon!"
63 ek pathan cycle chalaty aur gungunaty howe kahin ja raha tha rasty
mein ek aurat se takra betha.
aurat chilla kar boli "break nahi maar sakty thy kia ??? "
pathan herat se... "pora cycle mar deya abhi break mar kar kia faida."
66 ustaad: bete, aap jab hanste hen to aap ke dimples parte hen aap bohat
ache lagte hen dil chahta he aap ko piyar karloon.
68 <o:p>aik lerki apny boy friend k sath nai garri main long drive par
ja rahi thi
achanak larki kehnay lagi.....suno !
kia tum aik haath se garri chala saktay ho ?
kioon nahi.....larkay ne bare fakher se garden akraaii...
larki ne aahista se kaha........ ..
"to phir doosray haath se apni naak saaf kar lo "
77 hi u all
i hv one puppy 4 u
1puppy 4 ur friend
1 puppy for ur fri ke fri
u know why???
becuz....... .....
ajj hi meray dogi nay 10 puppies ko janam dia hai
86 janab patan: eak dookan per jata hai aor kata hai40 wala chawal hai.
dukan daar: je hai
janab patan:eak kulo dado
dukan daar: je janab
janab patan : 40 wala chawal kitna ka diya hai.
87 aik haseen-o-jameel adaakara ke ghar aag lag gaee ..aag par qabu panay
main 10 minut lagay.....aor. ......aag bujhany walon per qabu panay
main
40 minut lagay
88 aik aadmi apne dost ki qabar par phool daal raha hota he
aur brabar men bhi aik aadmi apne dost ki qabar par chawal daal raha
hota he.
pehla aadmi doosre se kehta he " ye tumhara dost phool sunghne kab
uthe ga?"
doosra dost:"jab tumhara dost chawal khane uthe ga
89 uncle aik bachay se kehte hain : beta aik acha sa jhoot bolo agar
mujhe
pasand agaya to main tumhien paanch rupay doon ga
bacha masoomiat se : yeh lo ! abhi to das rupay kahay thay .... !!!!
90 aik dost dosray se : yaar har party mien tum yehi kurta kyun pehantay
ho
dosra dost : kyun ke yeh mera khandani kurta hai mere par dada ne
pehna
phir dada ne pehna phir mere walid ne pehna iss liye main bhi pehanta
hoon
pehla dost : ohh acha .. khier yeh batao k tumhari umar hogai hai
shadi
ki tum kartay kyun nahi ..kya koi larki pasand nahi ati
dosra dost : nahi yaar larkiyaan to bohat pasand ati hain
pehla dost : to phir kyun nahi kartay
dosra dost : yaar mere par dada ne nahi ki dada ne nahi ki mere walid
ne nahi ki to phir main kaise karloon ??
92 the equation:
7 glance = 1 smile
7 smile = 1 meeting
7 meeting = 1 kiss
7 kisses = 1 proposal
7 proposal = 1 marriage -
and that 1 bloody marriage has 777777777777 problems.
so beware of glance!
94 exams:
exams are like girl friends;
1,too many questions.
2,difficult to understand.
3,more explanation is needed.
4,result is always fail!
96 girlfriend : and are you sure you love me and no one else
boyfriend : dead sure! i checked the whole list again yesterday.
98 teacher : what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no
longer interested?
pupil : a teacher.
100 my father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current
affairs.
102 tom : how should i convey the news to my father that i've failed?
david: you just send a telegram: result declared, past year's performance
repeated.
103 teacher : now, children, if i saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him,
what virtue would i be showing?
student : brotherly love.
104 teacher : now, sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
sam : no sir, i don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
108 sardarji opens his lunch box in the middle of the road....why ?
just to confirm whether he is going to or coming back from the office
109 a woman had 8 sons all named kevin. on asking how she managed to call one in
particular
she replied: that's easy. i call them by their surname !
110 koi apni biwi ka antim sanskar karke ghar ja raha tha ki achanak bijli
chamki, badal garje, jor se baarish shuru hui dukhi aadmi bola:
lagta hai pahunch gai :-)
111 sardar enters kitchen and opens the sugarbox. sees inside and closes it.
wife observes the whole episode
again he comes and does the same stuff. wife askes why are you doing this?
sardar replies: doc told to check sugar level regularly
112 what is the full form of singh: s-sardar i-insaan n-nahi g-gadha h-hai.
113 angry sardar-oye mein is duniya ko mita dunga - mita dunga- mita dunga.
another sardar standing besides said mein tujhe rubber nahi dunga.
114 santa singh: can u spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
banta singh: post office.
115 sardar on cycle hit lady accidently, lady says," break nahi mar sakta tha
kya?
sardar replies "break ka kya hai, poori cycle to mar di....."
116 sardarji zebra crossing ke black & white patte par bar bar idhar-udhar chalte
the, woh kya soch rahe honge....think. ......... ...
"sala ye piano bajta kyo nahi"
119 sardar: doctor help me, mein jab baat karta huun to muje sirf awaaz sunaideti
hai, aadmi nahi dikhta.
dr: aaisa kab hota hai?
sardar: phone karte waqt.
120 sardar jhad pe bethkar gaa rahe the, achanak ek sardar jhad se ulta
latak ke gaane laga, dusre ne pucha ki ulta kyon latka he, sardar bola oye side b
gaa raha hun.
121 sardarni asks her lover,"santa dear, if we get engaged, will u give me a
ring?"
"sure" replies santa. "whats ur phone no?"
123 one day sardarji was sitting in his office on the thirteenth floor of a
building when a man came running in to his office and shouted "santa singh
your daughter preeto just died in an accident" ....... since sardarji was in
panic.
not knowing what to do he jumped from his office window while comming down when
he was near the
tenth floor he remembered he didn't have a daughter named preeto.
when he was near the fifth floor he remembered he was not married.
124 *** banta singh finished his english exam and came out.
his friends asked him how did he do his exam, for that he replied "exam was
okay, but for the past tense of think, i thought, thought, thought ... and
at last wrote - thunk !!!"
125 a sardar was going on the road.then he sees a man who has met with an
accident.so he picks him up puts him in his car and takes him to the
hospital.then the sardar realises that the man should have brought by
ambulance.so he takes him back where he picked him
sardar was driving a car. suddenly one tyre was puncher.he took spear tyre
and changed in the place of punchered tyre. but unfortunately he misplaced
the four screws to fit the tyre on its place . he was so confused ,,now
what to do,, a pagal(mentally retaired) person was watching this incident.
he came near to sardar and said," do one thing,, take each one screw from
the remaining three tyre and fit it in this new tyre.there after u can go
where ever u want to. sardar was so happy and said aree yaar duniya tume
pagal kahate hai lakin i dont think u are a pagal. pagal replied sir,, i m
a pagal but i m not a sardar.
132 teacher: johny, name one important thing we have today that we
didn't have ten years ago.
l-johny: me!
135 teacher: how can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
l-johny: don't bite any.
138 question: there are 10 elephants swimming in a pond. a boy jumps inside and
140 teacher : what a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is
green and one is blue with red spots!
l-johnny: yes it's really strange. i've got another pair of the same
at home.
141 teacher: now, johny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before
eating?
l-johnny : no sir, i don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
142 teacher: johny, your composition on "my dog" is exactly the same as
your brother's. did u copy his?
l-johnny: no, teacher, it's the same dog!