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Aphorisms + Poems

by Aaron Asphar

aphorisms/poems by Aaron Asphar

Section 1: Aphorisms

title

page

Art, sex, psychosis, society, violence + the body Western Negativity The poetic imagination Musicality, images + perceptual reification Art, cultural negativity + violence Existential resistance + the negative image Capitalism/black nihilo Egoism, irony, authenticity Psychic autonomy, somatic elasticity + existential conviction On the poetic character of the forthcoming revolution Madness, truth and death The modern human is pure bliss that is terrified of itself The body, negation, situation + the theology of capitalism

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Negative aspects of late capitalism + radical human emancipation 59 Last fragments 74

Section 2: Poems

title white blinds #Lost sick poet crow window old cold fields* stoned ray hell flowers fucking on a pile of junk * nay priori* punch fuck holes

page 81 82 84 85 88 90 91 92 93 94

* Published in Closing Invectives by Aaron Asphar, Erbacce Press, 2010 All poems and aphorisms written in 2010 and 2011. copyright Aaron Asphar 2011

Art, sex, psychosis, society, violence + the body

* Fear of nothing is our only fear. * What people call influence in art, music and culture makes no distinction between imitation and radicalization. * An aesthetics or a language prepared to offend in its very being or becoming paves the way for a reconciled communicative order in which aesthetics, which is to say the body, cannot offend in its being or becoming. * Modern art is sick health. Surrealism was the disembodied hence disempowered development of Dada. Art Deco: the transfixed gaze at the glass contours of a new world, or better the same world through a freshly dislocated intellect. * Psychosis is depth philosophy. * Love is pre-explosive language, and art is the language of more or less alienated love. * Sex, philosophy and art can know that knowing is not knowing but becoming. * There is only one kind of pain: monadic pain. Pain shared is called passion. *

Individuation is estranged, ensnared becoming * Individuation is the drive to use yourself as the bridge to get to the other: instead you leave yourself and get lost in the interstices. * Today identity means: identified. * Laughter is social psychosis: and a joke is radical situationist praxis. * Humour is the somatic or emotional radicalisation of ego/social: it is the humanisation of ossification and the negation of real for the concrete-real. * Laughter is the social soma, the structures of feeling, emotional or tribal sociality, a secret subversive under-language which is constantly being involuted and circumscribed by social and historical ossification. * Violent aesthetics is offensive truth, is dangerously unreconciled reality. * Violent aesthetics is offensive truth that shatteres the ideological consensus framework through which we are unable to see each other as human beings. * Learning is an emotional reward system. It rewards you with mental ossification. * Egoism is auto-erotic sadomasochism. *

When identity is done with emancipating it becomes egoism, and its community becomes an egoistic bloc. * The notion of power conflates negativity and hegemony. *

It is easy to know which the false self is: the self it is possible to think of in abstraction from imminent experience: in other words, the self. * Books would be healthy if we lived in a communicative culture which allowed us to draw freely off them as a magma, like our own memory. * To realize your desire for emancipation through a consensus discourse in an egoistic social is not only vulnerability and impotence it is the very sickness of egoism. To avoid dissolving the body must magmarise ossification and realize itself through it, extricate itself from it, break out of it. * In the sublime, psychosis or sex, the sensuous magma collects then runs around and dissolves the formal structure of experience into the fluid form of a total sensuous-emotional becoming. * The bourgeois turned poetry into a psychotic discourse within which to hide from life. * There is no absurd: absurd becomes. We make and remake absurd at every moment. * Show me a worse psychotic delusion than perpetual economic growth. *

Sarah Palin is the concrete absurd. * Love is the concrete real: it concretises the real. Pain and fear embodies the real: in short, soma gives the concrete real.

* Knowing the known is tautology: knowing the felt is poetry. Feeling the known is negativity: feeling the feeling is the sublime or psychotic. * Every depression is a historical violence not to the individual, but to the social whole that was shattered into these individuals. * Every diet is an admission that life is not worth living. However, a diet indicates already they have not admitted it to themselves. * A diet is never healthy. Rather, it is healthy to reject the society which makes health unhealthy. * The cure for Western obesity and addictions is the kind of society where it isnt necessary to drown in food/drugs in order to escape self-awareness. * If Christianity was anorexic, civilization is bulimic. Truth is the anorexic which makes love bulimic. * When you fight fat, or the need to eat, you fight the body, you fight emotional life. A fat person is a strong person who will not give their bodies over to that gnawing emptiness, who

will not starve out their unhappiness. Unlike the reified intellect, the body knows the mortifying telos of feeling too little for too long. * Fight the driving pathology behind Western obesity and you fight society, social history, Western self-alienation, emotional and sensuous impoverishment, powerlessness and heteronomy. * The intellect sees the anorexic as an infantile and irrational, paradoxical person who spontaneously collapses. Empathy sees an anorexic mind too strong for its own good and indifferent to the needs of soma: it is a complication in the ordinary disease of Western socialization, of social self-alienation. The organism would not dissociate: instead the social one starves out the archaic other the complication, the body. * Depression, OCD, self harm, eating disorders and so forth mushroom with late capitalism and pharmaceutical solutions are the replacement for the emotional-social elasticity and empathy that has been liquidated by the social process. In the contest between soma and social history it is the former that always gets mauled, in this case neurologically mauled. * Working in an office, we would eat a cake when someone retired. When a year later that someone died, an email gets sent round: nothing more. * Employment advice is about closing down avenues, pursuing ever diminishing corridors which get smaller and smaller until the applicant dies. * For those who follow the recommended daily allowances of life should ask themselves if they want the recommended day, the recommended life. * When someone has a makeover they also turn inside out.

* wELCOME tO tHE uNITED sTATES oF fRIGHTENED mEAT pEOPLE * We are black sex orphans swimming in the river of an am pig. * No violence is justified or unjustified before it is actual. * Possibility and impossibility are abstractions. Wisdom is not abstract: it is our sickness that we think it wise to pay head to the possible. * Praxis is doing educating knowing imminently. * It is not the case that we live in immoral times: we have a tyrannical moral individualism. Social reality is blamed on social individual. * Resentment is the concrete real * Every time the mind tries to get to the back of something it throws a back against the wall. Every time the eye looks it punches a new corner into the world. * Our aversion to pain is our aversion to life. * Pain was our sensuous connection with the other: our body: the other through empathy

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* Our aversion to pain is the lack of love we know, hence life, because life is love and pain. Without one, the other becomes unbearable and is compulsively disavowed. * A sound plan is a plan without sound. * Social history is the sadistic other of the human body. It whips us with its languages and laws. * Goths refuse the negation of their body by social identity and instead display the socially negated body. * Ideas are fragments of dead egos which today float around in the eternal nihilo left behind by the shattering of all egos. * Still blood is a mirror. * Its only the dislocated intellect that can be offended by the body: that knows ugly, which sees ugly as a property of materiality, of flesh. For a romantic, ugly is deeply engaging and naked. For the egoist, ugly and naked must be assigned an object, and is assigned to the body. * The body confounds all lines and lines annihilate all bodies. * It is only Western civilized life that does not express itself as cohesion and association but rather as dislocation. *

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Truth does not reconcile reality: we do. * Future and possibility/impossibility are incursions on the human body. * The relation between suffering and hope, pain and passion, blood and glitter is its exposure to the light * Egoist: its head fixed up in pain-points: its head points like a nail. * Everything today wants to sublimate or dissolve. * The unity of the work of art is an echo of the unity, the emotional/tribal autonomy of the artist at the point of imminent praxis. * Magic too underwent dissociation: it became sensuous imagination and egoistic lying. * Suffering is a gunshot in the face of objectivity and consciousness. * What we call identity today is ideology feigning to be particularity * The answer is not within or without, but from within outward. * An egoist avoids love and pain. An existentialist, artist, psychotic or philosopher is love and

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pain. * Most atheists are theists who believe in themselves. * The proletariat of today is intra-psychic. * Mind is the painless real: but it isn't your real. * We are not subjects: we are points within subjects * When you think reality through social concepts you create social reality in your tracks and, looking back, think you discovered reality through concepts. * Every work of art is a global-historical revolution in autistic microcosm. * Our fear of abstract nothing is our incomprehension of endless otherness. * Integrity today would be to recognise incommensurability not as contradiction but as the concrete real. * Autonomous thinking today is thinking round in circles that I cannot understand * When thinking is a doing you are free

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* The sick I is that which sinks into its own impression. * When we are free everything flows into everything else. * Over-production and over-socialization are one and the same structural pathology that will collapse as one. People know they must extricate themselves now, and the language of this knowing is anxiety * Each new idea is chaos which realizes itself through estranged order in order to reproduce chaos at a higher level. * Anxiety is prophetic. * The world is running out *

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Western negativity * In the West, smiles are payments for goods about to be expropriated.

sticking in throats lie: white life

* Ego exists only in an act of self running away from self

An idea is a death, and an ideological fanatic is desperate life screaming through death

There is no paradox: just circles that dont understand themselves as such.

The body frightened its idea to death

Negativity is reality inflamed from its suppression by social history.

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Criticism is pleasureless sex

If we can build our consensus around our pleasures/pains, by the feeling of things, empathy, soma, we abolish the vicissitudes of relativism.

All Western criticism is based on the premise that people hallucinate, i.e. deviate from reality, when they are reality.

There is no unconscious just the uncodified. The unconscious is experience that has no voice in language.

Negativity is suppressed actuality.

Visceral is the negative and denied voice of the body, viscerally assisting the negation.

Poets are theists who believe in the world

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An insight is a floor being taken away from beneath language.

Teenage angst is the usually judicious somatic anticipation of absolute social selfmortification.

Pain is nothing but the intense and agonizing fear of its own invisibility to others.

A belief is a compromise structure between something sensuously whole and its socially circumscribed, socially reduced appearance.

We are snakes through dead snakes

The human has produced a strange internal network like holey cheese: history is making it but no-one knows what these holes are for yet.

A cohesive organic social community loves the beauty of its youth. The alienated West is blinded by the pain of lost youth.

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Enlightenment was the silencing of all dead voices of tradition and now have become the dead voices through which we keep ourselves silent.

Man is the estranged woman, who left the womb behind.

Numbers are memories of loss. Each loss needed a proper name. The losses went on forever.

Memory is, like pain, a liquid. You can paint with it or poor it into a glass and drink it.

Saying something is wrong is an intellectual capitulation: a modified religious practice. We capitulate before the profane: what was actual.

Negativity: profane need. It is the whole screaming through the part.

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Objections to human emotion is a death echo: our own death sweeping through us from within-outwards.

Negativity is positivity: the positive violence of alienation, denial, negation.

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The poetic imagination

All your emotional history, your repressed memory, pain/desire is here in the texture of the world. It embodies the world and just as you can unpack a world from an evocative scent e.g. Gran, the fabric of that old scarf, a star fruit, the wheelbarrow, and the word hail, from a smell this exists in everything, everything could be unpacked from the texture of experience if we could hold it for long enough, and we can if we think it in the language of itself. This is why people love music and wine it liberates their emotional and sensuous memory and makes them experience their repressed self, their repressed reality.

* Every poetic is an imminent sensuous history, a sensuous genealogy, of its own discord. It is the body echoing itself out in wavebeats through the world, one that beats out into culture, and is culture, and for us, no matter how strong or weak we are, it beats out for as long as our hearts do, and then for as long as the world then carries it. This is not rhetoric: it is discernable in the subtlety of emotional and sensuous (negative) experience and its memory. It is not in the thinking or seeing but in the meaning of this thought or seen: within the sensuous imagery or texture it evokes. It is the kind of depth we go to in dreams, one that exists all the time in our waking life but which we radically abstract from in order to function in the reality we wake up in and all its profound abstractions from imminent experience. We literally radically zoom out and defocus in order to see this reality, which is a massive functional reduction of reality. * When memory is painful and repressed this is indissoluble with the embodiment of reality, so reality becomes painful, and hurt sees hurt in the world, pain sees pain, and illuminates the unjust and painful world, and this produces the displeasure of experience egoist turns away from, that only the artist, philosopher, psychotic or child tend to embrace today. * In urban decay for us whose first memories were from council estates in the UK in the early 80s, there is an intensely complex emotional dialectic full of nostalgia when experiencing it again: a profound sense of love, loss, decay, hope, the savaging of it and so forth. It is a poetic of existence, this moment, and it emerges as a radical element that emerged out and existed only, still exists only, in living experience, but it marks social history in the poetics of culture. It echoes across many moments in my experience much in music and culture, much

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banality and cheap alcohol and DIY solutions to skint nights out etc: but also real loss, real death of protest, subjectivity, life, the death of community and emotional sociality but the poetic itself is borne out of something asocial, primal and radical that was borne out of this: I feel it was the radical imagination of childhood growing and poeticizing this decay, playing out on the streets, inventing games and ways to have fun, cultivating new desires and new ways of being, cut and paste/DIY fashion etc: in my life time I recall we all watched this get silently displaced, very quickly, by mass culture, though this was no doubt personal, perspectival and local: but the poetic echoes far into culture, and I recognize it around. I experienced it throughout my life grow many moments and grown into many more again and again into a fine mist today, a kind of imminent emotional-social history like a fine mist or almost like just a flash here and there, like scent that disappears on arrival or screams out of a dying moment or something. This is our wordless imminent social history at the depths of all our experience of life, radiating through our experience insofar as our lives are allowed to radiate out of us, which isnt far these days. * Our subconscious is nothing more than our thinking in experience our intuition, our wordless thinking in images and movement and neo-sound, which is made of movement somehow. * The reason why nature calms is not its substance but that it is benign for the soul, generally a non-imposing space, and this allows our experience to face outward through feeling rather than become self-conscious or to retreat into the space of mind, hence introspective. It is the feeling of letting your hair down letting your sensuous and emotional defenses down hence letting them out. * Castoriadis theorizes we realize our imagination through a magma of social imaginary significations: through philosophical or existential, negative experience I saw this was concrete memories, these significations, ones which are magmarised and organized into a sensuous river that runs around us and we draw off: I then came to notice that utopian or critical (polemic) poetics were repressed needs, desires or frustrations realizing themselves in sensuous mimesis through the existential memory of pleasure or pain. Next time you experience a fantasy or day dream, for example when you zone out, notice obviously that you have never seen those images before, yet they are somehow familiar, and notice also how you this must have drawn this from a magma of existential memory, how it realizes itself in the form of repressed fears, needs, desires and hopes. Imagination is your existential memory that runs around like a sensuously organized river, like a liquid rainbow, out of which you can make anything.

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* We know from renaissance (and we might infer it in our experience of art, culture and dissolute advertising) how the sensuous form of a desire evokes negatively the real desire: so this is the horrific spell of advertising and ideology, evoking functional desires and functional images that displace our real; desires: but this also means that just as ossification works its way into our psyche and reproduces itself in our subjectivity, so too does ossification turn into negative subjectivity when it calls forth a desire that now must be met through performative adaptation. This is intensely theological: it is the development of the contours of our old religious subjection.

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Musicality, images + perceptual reification

* Music gives in concrete, sensuous analogue the becoming folds characteristic of healthy, intuitive thought: the ego exerts itself in spikes, and in its spiky, schismatic postmodernisms. * All mental sickness is as serious as it feels. * Each person is always both a nobody and a global historical revolution in waiting. * Egoistic thought is movement in black circles. * All Western mental illness is auto-immunal. *

Western social history was first the extension of the body, then its jailer, and now its manufacturer. *

* The consensus structure which secures reason, the conceptual order, science etc has been terminally undermined: another god dies. * All motion is socially and historically denatured emotion. *

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Nietzsche said, think like a child and read very selectively.

Dyslexia is involuntary Dadaism.

* Emotion to motion, soul to situation, cosmos to conceptuality. *

Poetry is precision philosophy.

Reason reveals itself as metaphysics: metaphysics as physics: image as liquid that drains away: the existential as the concrete-real. * With the universal destruction of consensus, all claims that rest on rational or conceptual order become ideological, tyrannical lies.

* People who say you did this and that well, but could have done the other better dont realize this + that depended on the others inadequacy. * The lowest thinkers of yesterday are the highest today. They think in music, or moving images, and are immune to the destruction of reason. *

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Art, cultural negativity + violence

* Art is driven by negativity, negative memory and negative empathy of soma. * Art is radical regression to primordial health. * All poetics can be grasped as a radical somatic dialectic, one that produces critical and utopian poetics in relation to the already-there, the ossified norms, structures and forms in social life, swinging elastically between these polarities, and this somatic dialectic corresponds to the polarities of pleasure and pain, sensation and alienation, unity and disunity. * In nature violence emerged out of the material contradictions between the species. In society it is between the parts of our shattered species. * The consensus structure that is supposed to guarantee intersubjectivity and social justice is shot through with egoisms that allow us to slide further and further into heteronomy, unhappiness, social inhumanity, mental illness and oligarchy. *

* The disgust of violence in society is exactly the same kind of social slavery that produces violence. * Negativity is part of the concrete materialist dialectic of reality; negativity is not metaphysical but physical and emotional it is our anxiety, sadness, regret, fear, inadequacy, need, depression, emptiness anything of this order that causes distress. It drives all our

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Western strivings. * Social negativity emerges as the shadow of things, of having, of social history. * Allegiance to the structures of the social today is our asceticism, a heteronomy profoundly more insidious and total than any religion. It robs us of our capacity to remember or recognise freedom. * Art is matured, socialised emotional expression: it speaks of somatic/existential textures, structures, dynamics, schisms of social reality: it is the body on the world and has not learnt to lie. * Negativity either negates the negation or petrifies under it. * The body speaks the language of sensuous mimesis: thing and representation are one and the same. * Autonomy in a situation and intellectual autonomy are indistinguishable. * The language of negativity speaks through all culture poetically, which is to say subjects social-historical ossification to the laws of soma, a process through which negative soma is redeemed by the body, a telos toward soul. * Isolated, monadic suffering socialized is emotional culture. *

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There was a form of capital Marx knew but neglected to emphasise: emotional capital, social cohesion, without which change is impossible. * The body does not lie and does not accept the principle of contradiction: no contradiction can be found in endless otherness. * Negativity is reality negated or denied by social history: it is feared by the ego as evil, terror, disorder, id etc but is also what we crave as freedom. * The body communicates emotionally through the resonances of structure any structure. * Heteronomy means being governed by something outside yr life: autonomous is where govern yrself. When you plan your life through ideas and ideal places that dont exist like the future, or the nothingness of not knowing, this is heteronomy: social history plays you like a harp without you knowing it. All your failures and disappointments are your own inadequacies despite the vast social and historical through which you are constituted. All this is barely 300 years old. * The problem of today is that our lives are so enervated by the voices of the dead that we have no will to think. * Violence and its damage are two sides of a piece of paper, incomprehensible apart. If violence is wrong: illegitimate: it shouldnt be: therefore you cannot gasp it and instead fear it. The reason why were socialized this way is to prevent us apprehending the real aggressor: social history, which extends into our thought and words forms, our subjective rationality.

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Existential resistance + the negative image

* Black, poor people, women, linguistically excluded groups they feel social and linguistic violence more surely: they feel society and language more surely: they feel their non-identity with it more surely: they feel themselves more surely. * In modernity Western leaders took on the cruelty of the old god and the older nature. * You are troubled by reality: you are untroubled by it. Which one is supposed to count as sanity today? * The West regards only behaviours or actions as wrong: suffering, depression, addiction, poverty etc has no instrumental or strategic importance hence no social significance in-itself. * Agreements and contracts which stipulate a future obligation base themselves on metaphysics: magical metaphysics. By stipulating future they create it out of nothing. * For farm animals ensnared by a consciousness designed by the slaughterhouse, intuition, emotion, empathy and art become radically humane. * If it serves for your children to be stupid and hungry they will be stupid and hungry. * Queer understands more clearly the social-historical threats to fucking: black people to skin: women to self-actualizing frontiers in our total liberation: but it is also a seamless regress to slide into so many identitary egoisms. Emotional-social cohesion is the defence against this, but all eyes, ears and energies are facing the other way, transfixed by the objective problem,

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objective society, where we already found ourselves before, objectively powerlessness. * When we plan our future society plans us through its category future, which estranges us from our life content so that we make ascetic social choices. * Intuition, sensation, empathy are the highest forms of knowing: they know indeterminately, particularity and in total emotional situations. * 'Experimental' has long become ossified, vacuous, postmodern unless it realizes something strange, asocial, radical, negative, primordial, animal or something alive. * It is not about reaching a common sense of life but rather recognising the concrete actuality of all senses of life. * To be radical today it is enough to insist that what is actual is actual. * Execution swung over, smiled * Thinking from the negative, or experiences denied by social language and social reality, is our only critical distance from social reality and our only proximity to ourselves. * Racial, gender, economic inequality is not a debate but a concrete material reality. It stands nakedly in government stats. It is official. Meritocracy is an ideological lie. We both know this and cannot know this. * When the consensus structure shatters all that will remain is this negative, shadow knowing,

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which is nothing but the whole human surface of life as it is felt. When knowing knows this it will lose itself, becoming actual.

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Capitalism/black nihilo
* Any twitch in share price is a fear or desire driven twitch. The qualitative of the market, its predictability, yields to psychoanalysis. * The gulf in quality of life between rich and poor drives all our pathological, self-effacing acts of individuation and performative compliance. Moreover, the social contains and intensifies our fear of aging, failure, sickness, terror which, contained/intensified, further inflames our pathological strivings. * The market is qualitatively a concrete mimetic self-identical representation of the structures of hegemonic feeling: capitalist aesthetics. * The only real politics left is the politics of radical and resolute non-compliance. * Emotions are prophetic memories. * Each share price is a total artwork of late capitalism. * Shoot the world with black songs. * We are gates that on opening present on their reverse side a new gate. * Suffering is the ink that wrote history but we forget and read words instead.

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* The economy is the economy of egoistic, instinctual impulses: it is the ideologically mystified psychic economy of capitalistic hegemony. * Nothing, or Western nihilo, hides a world you grasp if you turn back quick enough. * The dead of today are dancing to car alarms. * We go beyond good and evil when the body walks out of its social history. *

The Westerner is an animal ensnared by a factory consciousness. * If we said emotional reality for social reality we would be free. *

Western education is denaturation - behavioural and cognitive ossification, functionalization of psyche. * To have no faith in truth is to know the truth of truth. *

Westerner: something black is gated in it. *

An emotional person is an empathetic + humane person like a child. The West produces from them striving egoist driven by fear and emptiness.

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* We never understood the many different languages around us, but prior to our intellectual self-alienation, this caused wonder not fear. *

Organising thought emotionally rather than emotion thoughtfully is the certain pathway to existential self-emancipation.

We prod working class kids into an education system that will promise to waste their childhood and give them a mcjob not worth living for. *

If the truth is frightening this is Western heteronomy. *

The reason why the West inflate the egos of children and teens is to explode them more surely as cannon fodder for the cold slab labour market. * America exerted its violent oil grabbing global hegemony so its citizens could munch their way to obesity, depression and type 2 diabetes. *

Dialectics are essential for negotiating with the world but when the world doesn't negotiate its a choice between eruption or petrification. *

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Career advisers are assassins. * The wealthy pay to not feel pain and end up feeling nothing except the relief they are, technically, something. * Children are exemplary models of humanity. Why do we educate them?

When the social order becomes brutal so does all wealth. *

An egoist punches fuck holes in it *

The Westerner has an executioner in each eye. *

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Egoism, irony, authenticity

* Art is the body trying to diagnose itself to consciousness and social reality. * A poet is a comedian, only with authenticity for irony. * What are dreams? Concrete, real desires. * You can emancipate yrself: but without emotional-social cohesion you petrify in it. * A psychotic is someone who flies through the desert of social history. A poet walks: a philosopher crawls. * There is only one uncanny: consciousness. It is the less real over the real: it is the real ajar: the real pushed away. * Art is evaluation and validation: it is life. Only non-life, i.e. ideology/social history, asks art to justify or validate itself. * Egoist: spider at the centre of the petrified universe that is itself. * Utopia closes its eyes when our eyes open. *

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Every Western attitude toward art as such betrays nakedly and precisely a real attitude toward the body as such. * If you seek physical beauty you run away from yourself and are eternally haunted by the nihilo you left behind. * Why is there a bee in yr bonnet? Cus yr wearing a suffocating hat over it: yr ego. * Egoistic arrogance is social conformity: romantic arrogance is insurgent authenticity. * Working class/women who manage to steel back a voice for themselves are deemed arrogant and doubted for having existential conviction against the social or hegemonic consensus. * A 60 stone US citizen eating a macdonalds burger would be the most authentic and true and total artwork of late industrial civilization. Nothing more could better capture the concrete fate of late modern Western subjectivity today. * Reified conceptual or postmodern art is social morphine for anxious, over-socialized egoists struggling to maintain a hegemony over their instincts. They like detached contemplate and are put off by warmth: any sex must be masked, gagged and butchered: it must be thoroughly de-subjectivised. *

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Psychic autonomy, somatic elasticity + existential conviction

* Anything that is funny has a really serious, unfunny truth within it: humour is primordial intellectual curiosity. * Those who have an unambiguous view of their or any other nation neither have their own view or a humane view. * There is only one possible critic of reason, language, society, social history, objectivity and so forth and that is the body on the world.Alienation, slavery, ossification etc are only intelligible as somatic criticisms: otherwise itd be normality, employment and progress. * All philosophers really have been from the dominant social strata, but this has nothing to do with education, and neither with money as in the abstract value or the paper stuff with words on. It is the species elasticity, which is to say somatic, emotional and intellectual elasticity, which is distributed today economically, but this is not the only means to elasticity. Gramsci achieved in his prison note books, Hume in his self-imposed domestic prison, Nietzsche in the mountain walks of Geneva: it can be achieved with psychic and physical extrication from social history. * About 25% of women in UK/US over 75 yrs old live alone, in poverty, and have no savings. Any ism that doesnt recognise this is an egoism. * David Cameron admits nepotism this weekend: he changes ideological gear while people are stuffing their faces with chocolate transfixed by royals. *

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The only Western ism that doesnt almost always function as egoism today is humanitarianism, the only ideological veil left for egoism. * My doing teaches my thinking: try and teach yr body to do and it becomes awkward: a totally Western phenomenon. * Ive studied neuropsychology but only to find the answers to what first proved itself subtly in experience. * Explain how the concept orgasm delimited against sex or the body has anything but a destructive impact on sex? * You cannot complexify species elasticity: you cant give it words it is the letting go of these words and these needs. * The body is the strong, wordless moment in dialectical thought and argument. The body is pre-theoretical and wordless. If you accept this, you free your thought: it stands on feet outside itself, without legs of social and historical contingencies. You extricate yourself from Western intellectual heteronomy and turn its word forms into a magma through which you realize yourself. * All you have to do is be sure of what you think, by reconciling it with what u feel not scooting off to books for all yr answers. * Can you recommend a book onyou gagging to be immature arent you. There is no book. * You need to START from the body with thought not find the body through it: the latter habit = our ontological insecurity. And conviction/force is somatically assisted, visceralized

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thinking: it goes much further, made of tougher stuff. When complex thought is replaced by elasticity of dialectical experience-expression it becomes embodied w/conviction/force. * Kids are infantilized into adults. * Its immature to ask your opponent for reasons. Their reasons are their business: its about you not them. Start from self like a child does. * If you gave names for the curves in elastic, free thinking youd find it was infinitely more complex i.e. richer. * I am being: I am nothing: no. If you think like this you are a romantic, and you are a thing. * Today we have to think from within outward not the other way: or that overly conceptual, hence ontologically uncertain and slow social way thinking, which in the egoistic social of today is our social self-negation, our asceticism. * Most Westerners read too much, try and reconcile it all, but forget to reconcile it with their own bodies and experience of life and hence never really grasp it. * The inevitable problem with complex thinkers is they are also profoundly slow thinkers. Your complex thinking developed because youve totally excised the body from it hence yr need for conceptual mediaries. * Organizations are composed of hierarchies of routines plus repressed and coerced soma. This dialectic drives its inner development. *

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It is focusing that leads us nowhere today. * Writers do not struggle with themselves but social history, i.e. language. It blocks their pain, therefore their content. * For social and historical reasons, today there is only one cure for writers block and that is an imminent, existential hatred of language. *

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On the poetic character of the forthcoming revolution

* The Western subject is the one that fears them self as predator. * The secret of the poetic is that language is organised on the level of sense pattern not word i.e. empathetically/somatically/existentially * When reality is animated only by our desires and pain we will know freedom. * Violence is either ascetic or ecstatic * Anyone who criticise human beings rather than the ideas/things/systems which limit and distort human beings practice involuntary misanthropy. * People want to be celebrities, genius or rich for core human reason: love and elastic emotional and social freedom. They give us its spectacle. * Now life is organised through ossification. It is the body that organises language poetically and one day our lives will be organised poetically. * Blues was social pain turned into music, which rescued itself through itself and became Soul: a formula for our historical self-emancipation. *

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True freedom today comes only in the form of a psychosis. * The reason why poetry and philosophy is profound is because they are a kind of nakedness which has been profoundly repressed historically. * Wisdom has never contradicted. The wise paint the same scene from different perspectives and with different artistic materials, and this is what it indicates. The pseudo-individuality of identity will become endless otherness. Self and other will collapse into emotional sociality. Appearance and essence/being and reality will collapse into the concrete-real. The eternity of past and future will collapse into the one eternal present. Soma drives social history: it will get the final negation. * There is only one humane reality and that is emotional reality. If ideas submitted to them rather than the other way round we would know freedom. * If it is so that the measure of our humanity is the way we treats our old, then in the West, where half of over 75s live alone, we are half dead. * It is only the half dead artists, writers, poets and philosophers who do not want everyone to be artists, writers, poets and philosophers. * A working class kid who starts thinking about what is valuable in life is referred mercilessly to ideas through which theyre kept in their place. * We ought to recognise that allot of crazy rock stars have managed to organize life, and to some extent the world, according to the body not the other way round. * Egoists will collapse with the conceptual order when the consensus structure of society no

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longer maintains its integrity. * Philosophy grows through its own history and so must we if we want to realize ourselves. * To stick ardently to the principle that no human being deserve to suffer would be impossibly radical today. How sick have we become. * If we treated psychotics or painfully average conformist like human beings they would all be artists/philosophers. * A philosopher gives birth to themselves through the pain which they empathetically connect with the world. * Skin is only a blank nothing to the ego: for the whole human or soul, its oceanic. * Social negativity is the repressed body. When social history is overcome, negativity and the body will collapse into each other as soul. * The poetic and philosophic is the body on the more or less ossified world. All poetics and philosophics emerge out of the dialectic weaved by soma between itself and social history. It is thinking from beneath. * Maybe we could precipitate the collapse of social history with the prolific invention of new words and languages. * Everything will walk through everything else.

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We are musicality

We are all music. Our personality, our face - all this is in harmonics, and all speak in music. Music is the soul (whole) that haunts our being, renders it mere seeming, reminding us, however, of real being.

I reckon we are music: the tune, the premium effect of the inchoate moments of this experience. Self is the rippling effect on the surface of darkness, and that movement is the species as such, of which we are an embodiment, flesh blood and material social history. I can think 3,000 years ago to Egypt from here: I can think 3,000 miles into space, and thus I am not a self but an embodiment of my species. Myself comes alive between this somatic desire and this somatic experience, and they move toward each other through the pathway of social history, which is tugged and pulled out by the desire, and this gives a birth which the desire spins and spins out and labours on, and then lets go into the world, and a new harmonic springs out between the desire and the object and this harmonic is what we call death - the flood of subject into object, the loss of self and the pleasure of this loss, which is the essence of laughter and the orgasm alike (and the sneeze, the social history being the somatic memory of the sneeze thus not fearing it but allowing it to become). The essence of self is music, and no music is aware of its tune. When the tune is thinking of itself, it has just stopped. Let the self go and you free yourself from yourself.

Ennui is not letting go. It is the self-situation, the self-as-striation. It is the island of the self that has washed itself ashore out of itself and now left itself stranded: it is species essence trapped in face whirling centuries in black glass. We are soma and social history, but I must add, in manifold existentially imminent fragments, two networks in themselves, and we are the many lines through this producing a symphony effect of the self, and this symphony plays through our voices, faces, poetics, aesthetics, history. It is our echo. We are echo, and all fear is seeing this too early. It throws you off balance, for this is what you are: the balance of forces other than yourself. Overcome the angst and you overcome the world. We havent achieved this yet: individuals may have here and there, but they are bad tunes. The species music is yet to erupt through, out of, as us.

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* Hell is other people - ourselves: it is us too early - we are all other people and nothing besides - we are nodal point and we are the negativity between them (this unconscious totality is 'god', which on recognizing itself becomes the whole human). Sickness unto death is self as a bad tune - literally a dead tune, one played by all that is to the is-not, and this is-not becomes a problem that calls itself a self. It is humanitas - the human expanse. The pied piper was the music of Odysseus from one end, and the music of evil in the other, i.e. it was us estranging ourselves from ourselves but we are returning. We are speeding toward this is it seems. It speaks the wordless language of ourselves: we can reconnect with in the absolute silence of ourselves, just behind the darkness - the moving figures of 'angst'. The many is each. If this ever made sense, then language would abolish itself for infinite song - infinity in the immediate, which in our factory farm language, the collapse of the future into the present: the stopping of the clocks.

The mysteries of existence are answered only by existence. The mystery of existence is because we are this asking, we are this very questioning, this insistence - this witness, this looking, this multiple is us, only each of us is everyone else we have ever known, and nothing else - we really are pure negativity: we are music, and this is our nature and it is merely life the other way - through language not between it: we are harmony not monadic psyche - we're music, not thing, but really many, and I really grasp the absolute difference between myth and truth from here: they are the very same thing, but utterly other at the same time, and this is us: ying and yang is the absolute truth, because we are two - the dialectic is us, and we are truth, and we do run into each other like a river: though this is us emotionally and associatively. We are this association - we are this flowing, this is us.

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Madness, truth and death

* Modernism was the inevitable madness of mirrors and light bulbs that followed when illumination illuminated itself (this was Enlightenment). * As Adorno said, philosophy is a riddle: and it has one aim -to annihilate itself, to stop posing life as a problem - to accept it, to live it. * No truth exist that cannot see everything and to really see anything is to see everything. Truth is absolute openness.

Truth is absolute openness and until we reach it, when openness opens it eyes it sees horror (for example in a psychosis).

Calmness is grasping the experience of life which cannot be thought of or said, and this is why all gods have sleepy eyes.

The truth is in two directions from us: the death we run away from, and the life that has replaced itself with running.

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Love is absolute openness, that which we rehearse in sex for our real life and death (freedom). * All fear is over the one: we fear this life/death thing, this ying/yang (freedom)

Truth is touched when all thought is behind, not in front.

All truth annihilates its bearer.

We have always known truth: and it numbers only one. It is one and the same contradiction (freedom).

The poetic is speaking that doesn't carry its dead.

The truth cannot be understood, only touched.

An insight is where the world falls into it.

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Truth to ideology is the journey from spinal cord to frontal lobes.

Time is the journey from the act to the conception.

It is only at the mature point when language is dying and breaking up does it yield its true content.

Health meant wholeness, unity. What does it mean today? A billion little pieces of data. It betrays a life turned inside out.

The truth of human existence is this: it is heading not for its culmination but its birth.

Wanna cure the drugs problem? Create a world interesting enough to detain us.

There is only one direction to sanity and health and that is the cohesion of the body. When it centers reality, reality centers itself and becomes 'life'.

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'Wrong' is the effect of theology on life, the product of which is 'evil'

The truth about life is this. What is actual is actual. The truth about everything is itself.

I/you is inside outness in-itself but not for-itself.

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The modern human is pure bliss that is terrified of itself

Reality is the profound functional reification of imagination. When function ceases to dominate life, imagination will open its eyes and see itself for the first time.

Psychosis is too early and too late. It is the eye of life opening on a world that has its eyes shut.

Life is negativity - existence as movement, being as becoming - praxis.

To understand impulsivity, crime, destructivity and so forth look at its other extreme: what we used to call virtue and then piety: conformity, workerholism, absolute artificiality and anorexia. It is this which is death through life: bulimia is the life drive fighting death, a violent struggle that takes possession of the whole organism. Recovery is crime. It is a crime that can radically instill a dialectical grasp of reality, but it is always a fight to keep ahead of death. When the dialectic is distilled, at moments it might even be still, and then it is a mirror on the whole, which is to say self/other/world as a continuum within which you grasp the essence of the illness: normality.

After death and before birth is the same: the experience we return to each time we orgasm: and in artistic creation, which is its natural religion: imagination.

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Everyone is alive and dead.

All laughter is psychotic, the voice of the chaotic: truth is this voice and freedom really does speaks in tongues. The towers of difference fall in a river of endless otherness.

Poetry glows in worlds upon worlds of sameness upon sameness and prophecies each time this endless otherness, the missing ingredient without which heaven seems like an eternal prison. The concrete reality of endless otherness, which is our eyes fully open to ourselves and the world, produces the will for eternal recurrence because there is an eternity in the imminent and endless present.

A religion is still the essence: it is self-alienation hiding behind its petrified image as its own theology, ideology, mythology and so forth. The essence is ourselves petrified into an image of ourselves and worshiped: our mistake was believing we had ever moved beyond this theological reality, this human self-alienation.

Artists, philosophers and psychotics are dying of the same disease: living, which is to say knowing, too early.

The frightening beyond petrifies life into an image of itself which, once recognized as itself, is overcome.

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There is no real answer to anything besides itself: the concrete, imminent experience. The latter is the answer to its own self-as-question.

If you approach a person, thing, reality, anything, in judgment, you forgo the possibility of understanding it: it becomes concrete ideology.

All criticism has become anachronistic because the myth of consensus has been negated by the concrete actuality of desensus. When criticism becomes aware of this it sublates in its object and becomes life.

If you articulate your immediate desires, dispersed as they are amongst osseous non-things, butchered segments of a divided life, you find in them the secret of the whole: if you articulate them in a whole, you see yourself staring back.

Truth is always an eye shutting. When it remains open truth overcomes itself.

Wholeness, ones, truth are one: the truth as both. Birth/death, female/male we become both. It is the radically penetrating and being penetrated by experience. It is absolute openness toward experience, effacement before it. With the eyes fully open they recognizes themselves staring back: the world tumbles into itself like a river, life tumbles into itself like a river.

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In a relationship, sexual life tells the absolute truth about the relationship. Its measure is absolute openness, which is the measure of sexual health as it is of truth.

Truth is birth: contractions clears the rooms, and then it follows.

Truth tumbles into itself like a river.

The divine and the death drive are the one good.

When each of us recognizes ourselves as the measure of the real the riddle of existence solves itself: religion and philosophy are our tumbling toward this answer.

Truth is not death, but touching truth is touching death. It recognizes itself in the world staring back it is the world: so it is no more.

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Hegel achieved the truth: he recognized himself in the world.

To find the truth, dont be anxious of yourselves: the truth is you.

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The body, negation, situation + the theology of capitalism * Psychoanalysis is a concrete inversion of life, but by no means false consciousness. Life has been concretely inverted. However, for emancipated subjectivity, psychoanalysis needs to be inverted: and then it becomes a concrete existential situationism. * All philosophy is musicality: it is the study of movement. * The drive for certainty culminates finally in the certainty that you are no longer. * You want to know what the abstract nothing is - the mysterious not knowing behind the known? It is you dispossessed of your knowledge, consoling yourself with the reassuring belief that you cannot know your life hence you bow ascetically to the giver of knowledge, i.e. the shaper of your sense of reality, your life, and if you cannot find pieces that fit you are happy enough to distract yourself from this empty space for those regions that are not empty. This completely empty, un-mastered aspect of your life is both your psychic life and your concrete, real life: but to recognize it as such youd have to endure the responsibilities and uncertainties of understanding it for yourself so you can be it and live it. So you ascetically avoid the problem and this is not the killing of your father but the killing, by your father, of your womb - your capacity to create.

* Yr body is yr black soul transfixed on its eclipse * The philosopher, poet, artist is the same radical subaltern: the body punching through mental, linguistic, social or material form. Somatic, emotional or existential investment is the strength of the idea and by extension its reach. The body is awoken by sensuous desire, calling forth the emotion, i.e. movement, force, and here is located the truth of the idea: the truth of a doing, not a done. It occurs prior to language, in spite of language and its realization is the violation of language: yet because it leaves its marks on language we reduce it to language, to the idea, its autonomous movement.

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* Tautology is the feeling of somatic and existential disembodiment, i.e. the non-feeling of alienation, the somatic sense that it is merely following the co-ordinates of social reproduction. Reality comes to feel petrified and this feeling is of the eternal recurrence of sameness, of death. When tautology breaches and is flooded with desperate need, it is the death drive. When it is set alight by desire, on the other hand, the eternal recurrence of death, which is our Western nothingness or nihilo, unmasks itself as eternal recurrence of endless sensuous difference, which is not nothingness but freedom. This is Nietzsche's eternal recurrence: a will, not a disputable fact or truth claim but a reality for the body. * Nietzsche said truth was a woman: I agree. It is soma, mama, the bow that shot the father into the unknown, estranged as the known, that left behind its womb, thus mama/soma became subject to the unknown, limited by it, castrated by it, eternal subject to the abstract father god, so woman was degraded into man, which is woman who left behind their power to create life for themselves, who alienated it to god. * In the West, enlightenment today can only mean emotional enlightenment. * Egoism is a brain disease that leads first to emotional blindness, and then to emotional death.

* Everyone is forgetting that appearance is life stripped of its content: that appearance has a richer, older, repressed excess. It is in this way that what we call emotional embodiment, which is to say a reality that feels and does not merely appear, risks being one day written off as mere literature, which is what happened to our soul, our sublime, and our sublime logos. * If we want to make anthropological sense of genesis I suggest god made the heavens and the earth is our historical-philosophical dialectic: emotion and sensation, being and nothing, the synthesis of which produces something, and when something grows, the dialectic of civilization, which is soma and something (social history) emerges. After each act of creation god was well pleased because this is our concrete, human life realizing itself, the process known to be driven by instinct, known thus to be cathartic process.

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* We used to thank god for the life we had: now we blame ourselves for the non-life we have. * In the West today, we bury our sickness under health and this is our theological social asceticism. God is now society as given, and sin is to appear ungrateful for it. * Who are you? You don't know. You haven't discovered yet: no-one told you. You know you are an objective thing, however: why then cant you find yourself? * You need to grasp all negativity associatively, as one, just as Christianity did, in order to grasp the dialectical whole of late capitalism, as Western negativity is the old Christian evil hiding behind identity. Without doing so, nether ossification (social history) or negativity (life) can be understood today. * That Kant negated emotionality for-itself was itself an emotional necessity: otherwise hed have lacked the masochistic investment that drove his work. * Development of scientific disinterested, rationalism, realism is not separable from instincts or values but rather are disembodied or self-alienated instincts (living labour) and value (positivity): the capitulation of its emotional content is the relation between soma and social history it cannot be understood without empathy, as social form is the survival of emotional form stripped, but can be read still as emotional force if we examine its movement, its coming to be. This mere form continues to evaluate life as intensely if as it ever did, only the values are meaningless and violent to life. * The demand for proof negates thought because thought cannot grasp its own antecedents; hence thinking is abolished, replaced by anxious tautological performance. *

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All animals lead a philosophical life. * When it isnt grasped through empathy, emotion becomes metaphysical angst or power, evil or the uncanny: emotional reality in intellectual dislocation. * It is only when you go through death, negativity or pain that you realize it curves back around through birth and into life. * The secret to the aspects of sexual behavior that are oral, is that it rehearses being hunted and killed. This is the essence of the symbolism: death is the act, birth is the conception. * What has happened is our life process stopped providing pleasure, and reality became painful, so the human animal became the negator of pain, bringing pleasure into starker relief in order that they can be mass produced and sold back to us - a profound reduction and estrangement of our life content. * Freedom and orgasm are precisely the same: absolute openness toward and effacement before the experience. * As soon as the animal gives up struggling against pain this pain becomes pleasure, for example in tears of sadness, which feels like tragic beauty, so long as there is no interference from the ego apparatus. * An orgasm and pain are precisely the same somatic phenomenon: the radical differentiator is our desire or aversion to this phenomenon, and in the orgasm we have the secret of the whole. It is only our struggle against death that causes us pain (i.e. civilization) * A depressed person is an animal dying in their socialized slave-cage of a psyche.

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* Western nothing is the absent womb. It used to be called god: it will be called freedom. At the moment it's called hell/boredom/psychosis. * There are two worlds for us: the world we just experienced and the world in which things happened. The two are radically incommensurable: the latter a functional reification of our real life, but the only life we end up remembering or thinking when we repress our emotional life. * Suddenly I understand every mental sickness Ive ever encountered especially Alzheimers. They are still there. They are even more alive: it is the animal with feelings behind the old sickness, the old symbiosis thats died but not shrunk back into itself. If they could free themselves from it theyd be like a child. They have no history only experience: its all imminent. Connect with the feelings and you redeem them of their history, their sickness, and they become really alive. * In each choice the ego terminates life which has to start again. * Each psychotic is too early. The aim of the philosopher, and the 19th century individual, was to reach the end - this psychosis, which is to say absolute freedom, consciously and to remain sane and peaceful. When we achieve it we've reached the womb again, but this time in the concrete-real (absolute spirit). * All the negativity and the nihilo, disorder, discontent of social life can be made sense of as the denied and repressed experiences of the body. The anorexic is a radical critical poetic: they complete the social negation, as does the OCD. The others bulimia, self-harm these polemify impossible psyche/subjectivity, as do violent aesthetics. Criminality polemicises both impossible subjectivity but often in their deep conformism to the principles of capital they radically polemify capitalism, and this element would be a postmodern critical poetic.

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I think the poetic is the knowing of god because it can say the world. It can say everything: there is something in what I just said that got really swollen with Nietzsche: his madness. How one became what one is it is the radically different self: now it knows its own history it knows it is coming-to-be through the poetic and it can go everywhere: but in a dissolute real in which you are only god well this I think was something of his madness: it is that which we fear so much in being alone: the confrontation with ourselves as the all-powerful with no why to life: madness would surely be redemption in that hell. It would be the radically meaningless life-as-bad-trip. : I think he was really absolutely profoundly alone in this. It isnt loneliness or pain but those two things shared disappear: if she could share his sickness, as he did through writing, but nowhere near to level that we all know now was warranted: his madness I think was sublime redemption. There was no struggle, distress, uncertainty God. the poetic: Ive really confronted something in it: it can go anywhere it is like god: it is psychosis: but all psychosis is real: it is the full extent of the power to shape the world, expressed negatively and asocially as schizophrenic: everything thinkable is true: it is all real: the world is infinite in every moment an infinity of possibilities defines the world for the body: the absolute power here is what we alienate from ourselves into god/society/history/the world and so forth: but to do otherwise is frequently psychosis today.

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Negative aspects of late capitalism + radical self-emancipation * Marx talks of our own human imagination confronting us as an objective power: so too Castoriadis in his "social imaginary", and for me the formal aspects of social history is the husk of imagination, the force having realized itself as form, appearance, which, as appearance for the ego-consciousness, possibly even to that of its creator, has had its essence/content negated, and is felt to be the beginning of itself and without history, understood only negatively in relation to the norms of identity, and any deviance cancelled out (and I stress again, this is our feeling toward this moment of experience, not the form it takes). For me, form is the reified appearance of force, and 'power', 'laws of history', 'laws of nature', 'reason', 'the divine', and indeed 'laws of the economy' and 'society' are reified essence: us - that which creates all these laws out of ourselves, some the most universal and transcultural laws, for example the realization of emotion toward desire, and some, far later, which negate and render negative these ominous primordial laws which re-confront the human as evil/ominous/dissonance. There is no power food or the battery do not have power: we might say these are power, but this can only mean power for-us, one that depends on our making of it and our using or digests and extrudes of it. All 'power' and all 'movement' is driven by desire realizing as force: that this movement is often mediated and expropriated, that it often outpaces its life-content, that emotion wares down into pure motion is no real separation but rather its theological alienation to society.

The sublime is recognising force outside of yourself - in nature: the force of the social is the dissolute, degraded and alienated sublime, and the moments of sublime - finite and infinite are not at home innervating experience with life but out there, as an alienated, dissolute god and the abstract, unbearable ennui of its infinite time and space, which is our imminent eternal quite literally, inside out as a power that terrifies us all today....

Having was the old bourgeois subjection to the concrete-thing, while appearing is the absolute subjection to ego-consciousness, consciousness of mere appearance, through which it seeks to construct a false unity, false because it is a radical dislocation from the essence of the subject: their emotional needs, which are negated and masked on the level of unified appearance, that which almost all Westerners still strive toward today, except for the growing masses of totally negated identities and, increasingly, dejected youths. The latter are the dialectically displaced of today and, moreover, often the most existentially, primordially

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confident groups within the sphere of alienated workers and non-workers alike. This seems like one of our few hopes because let's face it, where is our proletariat? Heteronomous, alienated wage-slaves who don't know what a union is? Politics and effective social criticism has been obliterated in the West, and for those of us who don't recognise as much, we have our heads in the sand. We need to wake up to this because we've never had a weaker state and nothing cohesive is going on to redeem ourselves from this form of manifest infarction of subjectivity, negation of subjectivity, inequality and compulsory non-living.

We need to grasp beneath the artifice of social appearance in our analysis of capitalism today: we need to grasp it negatively. When the markets go down, this is always related to the instinctual or emotional economy. The angst of traders or in the case of consumers losing their faith, or conversely, finding fulfilment in their actual lives, translates immediately into loss of corporate earnings. Moreover, these emotional or instinctual deviations subjects withdraw from the labour market, so we have to recognise the centrality of the negative moment in all analysis of capitalism today, and this includes our historically unprecedented levels of Western negativity, emptiness and depression coextensive with our historically unprecedented economic growth. Otherwise we really are skimming the surface of the problem, and this is theological. We believe the market is lessez faire, controlled by the power of god or money or nature or something. It is only us: it's a self-enclosed human system. We are theologically alienated from its essence: us, the noumena behind all these ominous 'forces' or 'powers' genealogically related to the power of the old god.

Social reality is us, human life: though it presents itself as a world of many moments apart, including ourselves. We come to understand ourselves and our whole life content negatively in relation to this whole, an essentially theological inversion, and hence a specula concretereality as 'over-there', felt as ahistorical/natural, as being-thus-and-not-otherwise, even though we 'know' (sic) that it is historical (we don't know because feeling is knowing another aspect of this theological estrangement to think knowing is thinking).

Non-life is disembodied appearance, because all movement is us: autonomous movement is non-life, i.e. life with its content negated e.g. emotion negated and turned into pure motion ('power' a theological notion). Just like the old theology, social reality in its ideal self-

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understanding mediates soma and the concrete social form of its historical unfreedom, hence the spectacle, i.e. 'social reality', is really our dissolute religion, wherein the commodity order, and the labour and leisure markets, are equivalent to the religious practice integrating emotionality/negativity into the structure of social self-reproduction, so the old Catholic confession might be compared to the contemporary make-over or diet, through which we appease our sins, or the old hymns replaced for those we absorb mindlessly and passively from the TV set and in all seriousness, this is worse than theology - a theology without its emotional reality, hence without any truth-content, and we all feel this it is not accessible to reified social thought, only when reflecting on the quality of our experiences.

I suggest that for today, we are annihilating the essence in any critique of subjectivity or social appearance insofar as we are not grasping the negativity concretely in the language of itself: because today it proclaims itself from every point of the systemic psychosocial, economic and historical crises we are seeing today. We need fundamentally to indicate what is dislocated from the total process - the non-identical, as we all know the objective reality of our unfreedom, and need better to grasp the subjective possibilities of real freedom. However, we have to overcome what we are initially confronted with: at first, a hopeless situation. Commodity production and the labour market withdraws social negativity and monadic emptiness into itself as capital: both integrate soma and social history, producing a situation within which to pursue our negated needs and desires serves to reinforces and entrench the structure of our unfreedom, leading further from the memory or hope of such freedom, hence preserving and accumulating need/emptiness. The emptiness of labour drives us into consumption, and the emptiness of consumption drives us in two labour. This is the negative capital of our economy, a noumenal, shadow capital which is the real essence of positive capital today. What we call the "inter-subjective", a notion as reifying as could be, nonetheless adequately infers the quality of our social interaction: we are a community of mutual negation, where our negative emotions, owing to the conditions of social life, are a) individualized as self-hate, b) misanthropically and divisively blamed on other individuals or groups, and c) sublimated through the cathartic practice of exploitation, usury and moral or normative judgments. All social communication within a heteronomous social order is mediated by negation, and this can be illuminated in all social communication that have any degree of intentionality within, because intentionality is the instrumentalization of the situation, including the conversation, hence the intentionality of ego-consciousness turns the other into a thing to express its own value, something Marx found in the relation of one commodities value to another, and the former is the development of the latter. All the negativity generated by the social conditions are channelled into intersubjective hostility hence mutual mistrust, leading to insecurity with regards the other(s) and asceticism to the conditions of social unfreedom, as alienation acquires a premium as a refuge from the angst of social life. As such, negativity is sloughed off, at best, into consumption and striving and at worst, we are sloughed off into mental illness, homelessness, suicide, addiction, or if we

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survive the social, we are now more likely than to be sloughed off into the most dissolute retirement consisting of absolute social isolation, usually to die in some institution or other in the presence of complete strangers or else no-one at all.

Our capacities are split out into moments, our emotions and needs cathecting manifold objects without when our full species capacities, our radical imagination, our fearlessness and our radical existential certainty is to be located only in the autonomy and centration or elastic unity of these capacities, bringing them back home into the one place - the imminent, existential. It amounts to the one existential situation: we are ying and yang - our positivity, conformity, functionality, our ego-consciousness as against that which drives it: our own negated subjectivity, our emptiness or nihilo. Unless we reconstitute this primordial elastic autonomy between our parts we cannot overcome our own self-alienation, and this would be a pre-requisite for any large-scale, organized effort toward social self-emancipation. * We must recall that the weakening of the subject, the dispossession of their capacities to create hence realize their desires in the world, is the fundamental basis of all Western striving, and this life now overtaken by striving is the essential emptiness which institutes and inflames our commodity fetishism, or better, our reality fetishism. Insofar as our imagination and dreams have taken on the form of such fetishism, we can really call time on the subject.

Art and emotional-sociality died with the emergence of egoism, which is to say the feeling that everything and everyone is the beginning of themselves, because they are experienced as always already for-me (a 'thing') hence is felt to have no history, particularity or emotional content: it is reduced to mere identity or its more lurid form -'personality'.

From the nineteenth century onwards, reality was displacing experience: thinking was displacing feeling: definitions were displacing meaning: seeming was displacing being: judging was displacing seeing: behaving was displacing creating. In this way we seamlessly walked out of all our autonomous capacities, because it is the essence that has dropped out: by appearance all else remains the same. It is thus only by experiencing, feeling, meaning, being, seeing and creating that we can unmask this cadaverous non-life for what it really is,

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and thus recover our capacity to walk out of it.

We must try and recall that for tens of thousands of years, the human was experiencing and creating their meanings. Today we are identifying norms and performing through definitions and their injunctions, which is to say the river of life is curdling and clotting around its own dead and dying moments.

Experimental art/writing is negative freedom: its essence is the nihilism of compulsive performance. It is a disease which mimics otherness, but is the antithesis of otherness which seeks to annihilates and burry the memory of all otherness.

We lose creation ex-nihilo for intentionality: we switch from readers to consumers, writers to produces, limitless ends to endless limits.

Those who believe that their emotions are not their surest truths are trapped in a theological self-estrangement through which they understand themselves negatively in relation to social norms, forms and injunctions. They are thus objectively an object a kind of behavioural machine.

The world is more miserable than it ever was.

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The noumenal shadow of our negativity, our negative emotions, is the dark rift between body and mind: our negativity is the sunken space we used to call 'soul'.

The individual of the nineteenth century was being for-itself, borne out of a moment of radical intellectual independence, which itself was borne out of a sense of space and a capacity for solitude. Taking its place were the subject anxiously being for-others, borne out of a total society, its masses and its insidious norms, the centre toward which we all scramble out of our fear of silence and solitude.

The decline of poetry owes itself to the displacement of our sensuous signified, which is to say, our own sensuous memories, with accretive social definitions, and on the level of denotation, poetry cannot be remotely understood.

The death of the subject/subjectivity/creativity is inaugurated when force ceased to realize itself as form and instead to realize itself through form, hence we extend and entrench the ideological and structural hegemony over ourselves and over our children, as if the species process were nothing but the digging of its own grave.

The death of autonomy is the shift from being for-ourselves toward being for-others: the death of subjectivity is being-through-things, and its living death is being-for-things.

The absurd/angst of the early twentieth century was the expression of a profound loss of meaning, and implicit here was mourning. The specula/decentred subjects of the late twentieth century are different only because they no longer remember meaning hence can't

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mourn it.

Something can never be 'wrong'. The very existence (experience) of a moment is its own proof, and its own meaning, yet it means nothing beyond itself, and the latter is its partiality. Its essence is the experiencing being that is seeing/feeling it, which is to say it is the experiencing being and what they or their social history has realized out of itself, and nothing besides. To recognise this emotionally, not merely intellectually, is the destiny of our species process, one that has never felt so distant, hence our angst, which, when overcome, sublates into its antithesis that it has never been so close. The sublation tells us that actually, it is neither and both: our history is and has always been creation ex-nihilo, because the being of desire is nothing until it is realized through creation.

Recognition is experiencing the other fully, which is always radically particular, rather than experiencing them as identity, as thing, as being-thus-and-not-otherwise it is experiencing them afresh every time, which is, indissolubly, experiencing yourself afresh at each time, being musicality with the other, your music playing through each other. Music is the ancient language of feeling that used to erupt and animate the cosmos, as expressed in the cosmological harmony of Heraclitus and modern intimations of the sublime. It is the basis of our sense of the eternal, the universe and universal. We resonate through every moment because everything is us: our body gives it to us afresh at every moment.

'Projection' is the emotional movement of desire through imagination, and then is created on the outside in creative praxis. This process is mother of all civilizations. When socially accretive, dead imagination displaces the subject from their creativity it divides imagination into itself and 'reality', but they really are two moments in one coming-to-be. This is the negative essence behind the positive appearance life as much as in Hegel. His was a true dialectic, one articulated from the standpoint of consciousness which sees the being of imagination as nothing. To take the standpoint of desire, we see in imagination not nothing but our own culmination of recognition/knowing.

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Postmodernism was the recognition that the signified had petrified under the definition. Their war games were no longer about commanding or recovering language, but rather the compulsion to try and destroy words on paper, as if you could destroy the tree by way of the leaves they shed. However, it is natural religion: its negative importance is the attitude toward the leaves, against identity, and this prepares us for our species return to the mother of all of this: the tree, which is us, only facing the right way round.

Owing to the profound loss of cultural memory we come to take our own unfreedom and unhappiness as axiomatic, hence the death of all criticism, politics and movements for total social-emancipation. Moving beyond this hiatus, both on the level of subject and species, is walking out of the nihilo left these husks and all other husks, and it is always out of this species nihilo that our real answers spring.

The enlightenment, the French revolution, eighteenth and nineteenth centuries, the two world wars were contractions, and the twentieth century was our great first push. There was an ominous rest in the nineties, interrupted ten years later by Iraq, Afghanistan and the crisis of the political, economic and hegemonic aspects of the social. Our current species crisis, which is in-itself but not for-itself, is our body breaking up as we prepare to give birth.

Just as Hegel and Feuerbach grasped, religion did not lie, and is not a different language to philosophy. The dialectic is the concrete announcement of civilization, and announces each stage of its coming-to-be. The second coming is an aspect of all dialectics, yet so too is a final coming-to-an-end.

Only recently can we apprehend the destruction of tradition dialectically. We feel liberated from its hegemony over form, but mourn the death of meaning, of cultural memory, of our

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capacity to understand ourselves historically, of our capacity to estimate the real magnitudes of loss, this all part of the same thing.

Once, we would lose ourselves in art, music, social-soul and the other. Now we are losing ourselves through them, and everything in culture and social life becomes means to this one ends absolute nihilo.

Musicality is the mode that radicalizes our grasp of history and each other. All motion is emotion: everyone on this plane or on this train or in this car is moved by desire realizing itself through its petrified history. The desire to function, experience, escape, achieve whether as means or ends, all movement is driven by desire: all motion is emotion toward desire, and this is the force of history. All form is emotional: when we recognise this, the world breaks out in its profane, noumenal music. This is not metaphysics but the concealed real its only when we accrete these forms as extraneous laws the 'laws of nature' or 'history' or 'god' that they are experienced as over-there, as 'metaphysical', yet such ideas came about when we were becoming metaphysical, specula, and modern. This is the negativity of speaking of loss through language, yet we apprehend it only on the level of form, hence believe such insights are discoveries rather than losses.

Heteronomous situations produce the 'self' and its incumbent sense of inadequacy, weakness and powerless. We all want the non-alienation of elastic, expressive, emotional and creative relationships based on autonomy, and this is the wordless need behind all our unhappy strivings: the black oil that drives and fuels the very opposite of this need.

In the twentieth century, time annihilates all space: and all life/subjectivity eclipses between future/past. This is Western nihilo. When we centre life within the nihilo of negated experience, we see the whole in its dialectical, antagonistic unity.

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When we lose our capacity to think, create, read or write because we feel empty or unmotivated, we will radicalize our situation by experiencing and enduring the nihilo within, and letting it move us instead. When we try and escape this nihilo into writing, we preserve the nihilo and mortify the writing.

Experience is the only actual. It is consciousness that is the negation or the emptiness of the actual. When consciousness finds itself back to experience, it finds its birth place and its return: appearance finds its essence, and seeds its negative essence, which was and is absolute emptiness, for its eternal essence, which is everything.

Experience, including that of our most painful emotions or profane desires, is the only concrete-real. The negation of the socially real, which is our life ajar and alien to us, is the negation of universal mediation - thought. When we overcome the latter will become experience.

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We know we are to overcome the distinction exchange and use value, self and reality: what this implies is the elimination of the mediation between the two, and the experience of their concrete unity. What mediates them? What mediated us and the world before? God. What did it become? Thought. Exchange value and self can only be thought, not experienced: use value and object can only be experienced and remembered as experience, not thought. But does thought still mediate the two? Thought has turned into tautology and experience. What mediates thought and experience today is social reality the reality principle, i.e. functionality, that which negated free thought. How does thought overcome its negation? By taking experience as its reality. When thought understands this it returns home to the infinite self-identical richness of the world of experience, and this is what is meant by the overcoming of the finite and infinite. Experience is the mother of the thought, the mother of everything have ever known, said and made, and when the prodigal son of consciousness returns to its mother, experience, we have the one embodied, endless concrete-real. This transforms us in a way that can only be approached today by notions such as a spiritual enlightenment. It is the expansion of the whole self, the abstract future and past coming back home to this endless presence, and the reason why we cannot understand this is because it isnt true yet, but it will be. We cannot think otherness, we can only experience it, and experience is, emotionally, our highest knowing. When everything is otherness, we know everything: nothing is unknown, as everything is real.

The non-womb, which might be called alienation, is moreover the referent of all our negative emotions. Religion was its negative language, and through religious experience the negative emotions expanded themselves into an imaginary of the non-womb, held up as a negative image (myth) of estrangement as the womb, supported that sense of self beyond the mere self that we used to call soul. In religion we externalized the negative image of what we were seeking to reconstitute as the social whole, but when religion was negated by its offspring, thought, as expressed in Hegelianism the dialectic of being and nothing re-emerged, and the soul was negated, leaving behind nothing, which generated our emotional negativity particular to modernity depression, emptiness, angst. This inflamed the alienated strivings of civilization, so the re-constitution of the womb becomes a desperate and violent process as the social whole, the evolving womb, itself became the mythical image for the non-womb. When we recognise in its appearance its essence, our emotionality, the musicality of history, the two flood into one and this is absolute spirit or social-soul.

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When we recognise the world sensuously and identify with it emotionally, we really do feel a sense of infinity as captured by Kants notion of the sublime, this through my own experience out of which I have developed this recognition. Emotional possession is the urform of having, but when property comes about the ur-form was alienated to god, and god was the spiritual species possession on the one hand, and who we belonged to and who created us on the other: but let me tell you god is mama/soma, hence the self-mediation of this primordial having is the alienation of our bodies and creative capacities. What happens when subjectivity is liberated and connects the two sundered halves of total life? In the psychotic or artistic radicalization alike, it brings back eternity, but this eternity is in the existential imminent, not any future/past. It is the returning of this latter eternity back home into the present. This is going to happen to all of us in any historical self-emancipation I think, and is a hair breadth from everyone, and my work is devoted to trying to explain this so I want to try and give voice to in a manic and caffeine fuelled voice. The experience of eternity comes back its everywhere, even in the Brighton bus I rested my eyes then hand on the other day it felt like it had such body and depth that goes way, way beyond me and this depth is me all thats happened is my sensuous and emotional memory is making this bus me, my experience, my associative, primordial faculties embodying it and hence it goes beyond me but into me forever, and this is why everything is speaking to me and is me. Its only in moments but embodiment is the radical magic within which you are redeemed, because as paradoxical as this must sound, you really are both finite and infinite: reality goes on forever not through time but space, only this space is not outward but somehow inward at the same time: also over there is even more over there but so are you in your looking: its almost like you are zooming into it it really feels like you travel into things in your looking. It really is an overcoming of self/world and I feel it will stabilize as a constant experience of being if it is strengthened and maintained. Its intermittent, on and off just as Heraclitus inferred or Kant in his experience of the sublime, but listen: it wasnt rhetoric it was a kind of freedom that maxed out then atrophied but is coming back.

Universal/eternity has two meaningful senses, both of which are the two moments, the bow and lire, essence and appearance, Dionysian and Apollonian. It is emotion and the primordial, transcultural processes on the one hand, and that which is socially universalized through exchange of language/thought forms, flows in and through minds hence is a transpersonal species possession. In realizing our essence (desires, hence with the force of emotion) we embody and develop, and this includes consciousness of our social reality as well as our language, and this is key. Second, in the emotional and indeed emotional-social sense, what we would find if experience rather than language organised our self-understandings and

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language, so too would emotion become transpersonal and bleed into an emotional-sociality, which corresponds to his notion of ethical life, as each moves right through us and into the other, and move into us from this or that person or textual/artistic experience or empathetic social experience, and extrication self-emancipation radically liberates this experience which is felt not seen or conceived. It is that which embodies or completes all conceptions.

Desire is soma realizing itself through experience or its memory but in its realization soma is detached from desire and this is emotion becoming motion toward desire. If emotion realizes itself, it becomes objectivity, as we call it, and if it doesnt it becomes absolute motion the killing lines of egoism, ideological fanaticism and late capitalist civilization. The killing lines themselves cause fear, the theological fear that keeps soma enclosed into the system.

The body is surrounded by void. This void is both within and without: it is the negative soul, which is not a metaphysical concept but an emotional reality. All emotions seek to expand being into soul, and the void, our experience of alienation, is difference between being and soul. Soul is the prophetic memory of the non-womb: emotion is its movement. Today it suffers its negation down to the estranged body, its negativity and its realized negativity (nonwomb) and emotion (movement toward desire, realization of the concrete-real).

I think that there is only one theory to go with any praxis today: your body and its wordless language of desires and needs, its demand to be whole and to expand itself which is to say expand its love, compassion and life, against your ego and its language of judgement and anxiety, its butchery. The latter is your enemy within the former your redeemer. It was alienated into god and what we never grasped was how the sense of eternity and all knowing and eternal compassion/love and all having is original to us. It really is an alienated species

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power, in ways ill understood, but it returns home when you are absolutely open and elastic with yourself and to the world.

Healing is not a labour but a kind of primordial species response that simply follows liberation from heteronomy, and sometimes this might be opened up in forms of social practice, praxis and in moments and pockets here and there, but absolute autonomy will turn everyone into healers, whereas heteronomy turns everyone into producers and concealers.

There is fear and anger around positivity: desire is negativity. Abolish positivity and reality becomes desire.

Experience transcends self-hood, i.e. self sublates with the world: self is somatic estrangement from experience which now becomes thing/things which are identified. This is fundamentally the character of the use and exchange value. In use value subject/object or other are recognised as two ends of one thing our body. The body inheres in the sensuous object/other, the object/other in the sensuous body, hence they are one.

What we call self-loss in creative subjectivity or in the Buddhist doctrine of non-self is actually infinite self-expansion an expansion of self into the infinite present.

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When the human learned to produce they learned to produce desire and estranged themselves from desire into its pursuit.

Negative soma realizes itself as blues (damaged soma) than as healed soma (soul). Soul is the negative projection, the self-posited aim of self-realization, the possibility of which is taken away by this world. Negative soma seeks to realize itself first as force (motion), then emotion (blues) until it becomes soul (world). The latter is the body unmediated, in a state of elastic autonomy, hence in emotional possession of the world, and if realized socially, there is an emotional possession of everything, including that which mediates the other, hence in possession of the other, just as Marx saw in species being.

Modern sexuality we never want sex, but it is our only access to a particular kind of wholeness social soul, shared soul, like that memory which the addictive personality is enslaved by only no-longer monadic. We capture it in utopian social moments: but such are always unfolding out of the indeterminate, and are themselves indeterminate, fragile moments, so we crave it as sex, sex as drug, which leads to the perplexity Im not finding what I want. It isnt even sex: sex here is sign not signified. The signified goes on forever.

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Last fragments

Burning desire and need desire, inflamed and manipulatively by all Western social order, robs you of the world that is not itself. * We all avoid our greatest hopes owing to their impossibility in relation to our worst fears. This is made easier by the fact that only the latter are conscious. * All system are mental systems, and all cognitively annihilate the particular and make the actual seem impossible for example, emotional empathy seems impossible within the framework of individualism (its called telepathy). * I had thought of the reality of separate interests. What a violence: what a violence to anyone who has them. No-ones real interests are in themselves: this is such a violence. No-one should need such attenuated, narrow preoccupations: it is a terrible violence that our needs are so close at hand that to be an alienated self, as attached from anyone else, could be a need, or could delimit need. Who has found happiness in separate interests? It is a terrible mark of alienation, and the world is ridden with alienated selves and their separate interests. * It is, alas, our reified, socialized intelligence that attributes an identity to an emotion. * Hope is a necessary condition in all philosophical and critical thinking; otherwise private interests or future threats become the secret object of this activity. * There is no social or historical consistency in how we designate or judge feelings or emotions: sometimes they are evil or divine, sin or morality, for us, all too often, they are good or bad. The true substance is the experience themselves: and they are, actually, they only subjectivity we have. They are our being in-itself and beyond our control. They are necessary outcomes of their whole physiological and social, environmental context and they just are. * Choice and authenticity are incompatible. A choice is being over-ruled by the policeman in yr head.

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* I feel it is healthy to throw everything away and start again, though I struggle to achieve this: there are deep ambiguities about throwing away certain things that have memories of the past, or potentiate enjoyment in the future. I feel this is a classic problem of attachment, one that I am well seeking to overcome: then I really know what I have nothing, out of which is borne everything. * If you cannot look upon social reality as your reality you cant think past it, hence cant see through it. * I was awake perhaps 3 or 4am, and I felt the impulse to go outside while it was still dark, to experience no self. I could tell I was in some kind of confusion: the night previously I felt that I had lost myself, which in the ordinary sense would be nothing new and indeed something to be grateful for, though the sense in which I meant it was that I had lost the unity of self and world through my activity, which had become a means uncertain of its ends, owing to the existential threat of my circumstances. It was bearing on my thinking and doing, undermining them. Perhaps I should say I went off track and didnt notice. I felt like I wanted refuge from the city lights and this meant going along the sea shore. My feelings very quickly came to the surface. I was experiencing all kinds of more or less wordless insights, and as I walked back homeward, the sun was near off the horizon, which was read, and shone its carpet emerging light like a long shadow in front of me cast over the peers and along toward me, and there were birds in the air, and suddenly I experienced great awe at them, each speaking deeply to me as a whole, as a being as indisputable and undivided. a flock I was approaching took off, and I watched them all and looked back toward the peer and the houses on the shoreline, form this point of nature, from this beneath as it were, and felt this balanced apprehension of the one world, one in which the violences and diseases of civilized life were an indissoluble part, but that this was nonetheless necessity realizing itself into the world. This is the bitterest pill for me, an insight I've encountered over and again recently, that suffering is the process, and that until suffering is recognised in-itself it will remain the process. This absolute blackness is, ironically, the missing moment without which none of this could possibly have any meaning at all, hence we all shrink back into the dissolute narrowness of our special interests. * This was a note from my journal: "Things were fucking utopian walking out in the streets today: it was perfectly bliss. I really felt at home in a divine feeling as I was completely all the movement and people before me: yet I was there because I was this blissful feeling and this impulse to say thank-you though just to say it, not to say it too someone because who would be saying it? Its hard to give precise words for this kind of experience: lots of people have it but unlike me they dont make a tit out of themselves when they try because they

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dont i.e. Buddhists. They should creatively try and put more of this into language I think cus theyre closer to the experience then me: I would say the same of schizos, but they do put it clearly in language we banish it to the non-existent world of imagination in the derogatory rather than radical/creative sense." However, I wrote the next day: "Every day I seem to wake up with new irresolutions, because I have already began to do something, usually read, even though all signals of my body are telling me no: so Im thrown on my own coextensive emptiness, which I know how to embody with life and wisdom, but every single day? Why the resistance? So used to the inertia of the world. My way was always to slunk back into the womb, yet moments of existential bliss are pleasures for which there is little comparison in its feeling and its purity it is like the first time I took ecstasy or when it was good, cocaine, yet like giving birth memory robs it of its content, and it feels unreal to think about. I feel like saying the experience is less intense then those drugs, but when I think back existentially this latter statement feels doubtful, because it was rapture: yet I remember largely the rapture as mere form for a content I cant recall." * The particular relationship teens have with music: the kind of pleasure and sustenance it provided was secured when really all that was outside of school and compulsory conformity/performance was purposeless pleasure, that kind of pleasure preserved from childhood, lost the minute we have to make choices, i.e. limit ourselves further and further: what GCSEs shall I do? What A-levels/degree etc? This is the point at which you start really being-for-others, for-the-whole, and lose yourself, and with that loss is the terrible autonegation of purposeless pleasure that installs the emptiness for which life becomes a compulsive paying back or ameliorating. * Its beginning to dawn on me that to eliminate my dependency on finite sensuous desires is a way of bolstering a life that ought to be transformed so that it realizes its infinite desires, and purposeless desires are always infinite in the sense Im thinking of them: without limits or clear delimitations of the possible/impossible. * This is another ambiguity for me: I notice that with suffering, the weakened or anxious soul reaches out as if to mama, but actually to losses as such: old friends and relationships, accompanied by the emotional pain of dispossession or memories. Enduring such is actually a kind of pleasure for me, ambiguous because feelings present themselves, which I love, even sad or suffering feelings, but on the other hand, there was this awareness that in a heteronomous world where we so easily become estranged from each other, pain of past that is no longer actual, something unthinkable in an organic culture where even in death a person survives as emotional-sociality and shared, meaningful memory, such past losses are no longer my life, and it encourages me toward the view that it might be well of me to throw away all such memories (i.e. emotional/sentimental things). I have lots of photos/letters/old tapes and music recordings which I feel are kind of owned emotionally by the others as

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much as myself, so my impulse would be to give them, not to throw them, which would feel really kind of violent, yet they are not in my life and may never be again, so the heteronomous/alienated circumstances make such ambiguous. * This may seem self-important but its self-as-problem. I am aware I am concerned with Irelated things and with finite problems, but I think Im trying to bust through the finitudes and reach beyond them, so this is where Im at. Its a hard thing to sheer my work and being of its purposiveness and its for-others, which is precisely that which would prevent it from being humanly meaningful to others. This kind of knotty and ambiguous thinking is not what I like but it all relates to my incarceration in the real and my kind of sense of duty to share the suffering that I feel I have managed in principle to avoid: the sharing of the social burden. * What hope as a heteronomous Westerner who has never experienced such? It is the reason why I think euthanasia becomes such an apparently clear cut case for its advocates: objectively life is no longer worth a thing. Suffering is untrue and should be eliminated, even though it is though suffering that the subject can grasp the true and the infinite though how little we could expect such recognition and if we could, how difficult it would be at the illness stage of life. They need others, they need total emotional recognition, they need those who grasp the underside of suffering, and without such then it does appear that euthanasia can mean redemption for some. * The idea that there are no universal truths is one I can no longer accept. There is, as Adorno recognised, a language beneath language and although it is radically particular, even constantly self-deviating within the mind of a human from one moment to the next (i.e. dynamic and indeterminate) this language of particularity is communicable otherness, just like aesthetic or emotional expression, but in language stable word forms convey the particular imaginative experience, something picked up by Silbernagel. Such universals are birth, death, god, and certain mythological and narrative aspects. The universals, however, are subject to historical development and differentiation, which may sound like a contradiction but the development is axiomatic, tree like, and the most fundamental universals give birth to others. For us, the dissociative psyche, or in other expressions, heteronomy or self-alienation, becomes a universal, ones recognised negatively and critically by movements which overcome such, e.g. Buddhism or critical, philosophical, artistic or revolutionary praxis. The dissociation of self from experience is part of a species process, and within this nihilo or being/nothing becomes a universal. * My schizophrenic brother made a suggestive comment - about an original negative experience of darkness, and the obvious referent to me would be how, in the West, unlike many tribal cultures, the infant is introduced to their own bedroom, without having others

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sleeping with them something unprecedented in the long human history we must recognise. I do wonder if the aesthetics/critical philosophical poetics of nihilo/emptiness/nothing etc that becomes a crucial language in 20th century Western culture has drawn on something like this (clearly not to say they derive from this! They derive from negation of imagination I think). * There are no boundary stones between you and eye: only headstones. * One utter tragedy of the human today. Just as the tribal stray, lost in an alien and threatening land, becomes hyper-aware of this discontent, so too can we get lost in the alien and threatening land of our own lives even our own selves. * The truths of the notion of god include: that we do not live in a meaningless world its meaning is concealed and for us, as yet, unfathomable. What we call god, and what I call soma, i.e. us less mind, is all powerful: with the mind, it is also all knowing, though this knowing is for us in separated compartments. It is infinite, because there is no greater world for us than our known world, and it is all loving, because we are all loving: but we are also hating, not knowing, powerless and finite the latter being the to do world of god (hegemony/civilization), that human remainder which we refer to as satan/evil. After the reformation god changed its name to society. * Today, the centre of all political is on the inside looking out: this is the only place where politics begins and ends. The outside is its mere happenings. * Western emptiness without spiritual or artistic redemption is a modern invention. Each of us is socialized into an innate lack which leads us to seek in everything eternal redemption, hence were driven to the best tasting this or the most rejuvenating that, i.e. into commodities which afford just a moment of pleasure, confidence or feelings of attractiveness, and each such experience is sought and repeated forever (brand loyalty). This can never bring happiness because desire and need can only fulfil itself and can only do so through imminent creativity, either that of the suffering subject or the healing friend. * Commodity fetishism and the movement of all capital and trading markets cannot be explained objectively or economically. It can be explained theologically, emotionally, existentially or psychodynamically. *

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The notion of criminal responsibility is theological. It denies the impossibility of subjectivity hence conformity is the eternally, immutability possible and desirable. For many crime is resistance to mental illness, suicide, depression and drugs. Mental sickness and crime in the West is always redemption from impossible social subjectivity this also is the driver of all art and style, these latter being uncommitted crimes, as Adorno said. * Evil and sin has an anthropomorphic significance: it means sickness the sicknesses caused by the good society. Judgement day is thus the day of diagnosis. The doctor is empathy. * The secret of 20th century music is that the base asserts a back arching into an I, which is the treble, this through the drumming of the state apparatus. Tension between base and treble motifs offers the attitude, and our propensity to walk a song betrays its actual signification. Each offers an attitude to life. Harmony and major chords imply acceptance or resignation: short, sharp and tight, cyclical motifs indicate resistance and attack: emotional musicality indicates imagination, desire and pre-linguistic, pre-ego consciousness: discordancy between treble motifs indicates transcendent subjectivity and so forth. However, all these aspects only signify in relation to the unfolding imminent normativity, which itself is based on accumulative musical history, hence is decoded dialectically in relation to the musical episteme of the time. * Yesterday I realized deeply the deep meaning content of much advertising. What seems like absolute false representation of society is nothing of the kind. Many, if they were not an absolute insult to life as it is, would be anticipations of utopian aspects of life: even the most mundane is deeply meaningful: the small is everything: everyone is smiling. Yet butchers, knowing we wish this feeling could last forever use our deepest social-utopian needs to become hooked on its product, marketed always as an experience, including the experience other people have of you, hence your feelings of attractiveness can last forever. The forever, however, was the eternity of right now, the same kind of eternity known by a baby or small infant. Eternity through time is eternal absence, and could never bring happiness. Such cruelty. Everything in culture (we need a new name for this anti-human propaganda of death for profit) is cruelty today. The only culture that deserves its name came from withinoutwards as the realization of desire for-itself (expression) all intentionality is death and the desperation of intolerable suffering at the hands of self. * Our fears slowly mortify us unless and until we overcome them. *

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To understand ourselves we are understanding our whole experience, within which there is no self, and to expand ourselves we experiencing beyond our experience, into that of the other where once again there is no self, only another. * 'The divine' (as opposed to the sublime) was the experiential outcome of a slow, gentle somatic self-healing, and is still accessible to us so long as we abstain from intervening in ourselves with thought, and from resisting such intervention by the world. * If you were merely identity you'd be a cardboard cut-out. Actually, you are non-identity. The world violates and can rupture your non-identity, and if we soberly recognise it like the insult of bad weather, we survive instinctively around it. The moment we merely think against it, in our thinking we reduce our non-identity to identity and easily lose ourselves again. * Energy does not emerge when walled in, and we are walled in by the outside world, between the future and the 'past', and these starve the existential of all oxygen force us into the emptiness of mind. * Every day you spend in solitude will move you closer to clarity: every day you set aside all communication or consciousness of the outside, and it is also crucial to grasp that sensuous pleasure feeds itself and it is heteronomous. You must feed yourself, learn how to feed yourself and strengthen yourself with nothing: then you will find your strength. It will get you down: this is your seriousness. It will be suffering and this is your blessed redemption. You have won consciousness of your suffering, through which you can walk away from your unfreedom.

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white blinds

pose envy, good interview sense the nothing we had is swollen fat of love attend a rock boyfriend: lonely corrosions sad cans: a million yeah denote: sitting in reverse she printed off my thoughts. fact fact fact I feel terror

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#Lost

Enola terminates in nihilism in a particular impossible. Excised by a basal extinction that no-one understands, these terrible, terrible themselves. Grew happiness: yr new green disinfectant. obesity comes with that, and squared fashion. Just born, you fear you see a bog in your bowl life: you panic. Eruption: shop for everything, reality, the ordinary life - thats anorexic. Situation: unhappy. Focus: loose the whole for spots, accrete these crystal mothers. Another body: leather-bound bones with no age-rings in, I was born of bone civilizations. The self edge centers this striation of a world, some inside of an outside I dont own. An alter-illness mimics happiness, some rectangular life. I that which means bad conscience because not spontaneous, being, least of all has fingers: it grew out a bulimic man. Underweight, inhuman, a certain kind of puke. Reasoned separations exist in you: sliced through. Open segments of yourself, I am shopping-there, seeming. Dislocated: sickness segments I am this negativity Existence So you fly into your girl car alienated total son mind, refer yourself to a bowl of drowned cake the form I take for many years, mind refer yourself to a few people that you hate escape its depths in those ashtray eyes plagued by what exist within Broadly, cold fields, many, Its style is Lengthy endless, excess of an endless overrun, this cosmical accidental, this inner drift of mind who, grasping, says itself in a death echo. Carpet violence. Drugs, Anyway, I [emotional full stop] against screaming: hes not influential enough. Dreaming. Required. Revolted: borne, arbitrary beautiful, my fashion: an infinity of psychiatrists. Ambulance world: to that beautiful, pathological return, the internal return, that aiming at loss, singing into its knees, needed, standing, doing, with it: body, that lost bomber: the industrial above. I have argued, nothing. Standpoints. The circumstance of utensils. Death driving into them: no-will. The end of why. Splattered in precepts. You cannot emerge out of these paradoxical concepts. Dead statements jabbing into your heart-world: they have wanted this life, the original birds.

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They demand spontaneous blankets, because they are anorexic. The tyranny of touch: there. Just off this impulse pulling me off my feet out into the inertia, I am money, no convey, all things size zero. Costumes: less original than glass, the horror of these pasts. Bulimia. It walks itself within the law. Walking inspired by the shudder of life, baulking. Youd quiver as if been through. This bad freedom shut up with indifference. The accommodating syndrome: life dies standing up Bulimia. Visitor: someone unsteady as an intellect open to doubt: walk away, they are like the old Bulimia. Aggressive: Available on the lips, heard more soma than person, imagine: not even parallel. The given think: a carpet of grown weeds. They offer a blanket for everything, onto you, now you can place yourself in an I centre of your own. Weights align there. Understand: you exist fixed up in/in painpoints: sound has changed to time, projected as a life, and the intellect is the immutable afraid, life lines stretched out: three sided actualities, content postponed; Capitulated. They are angry mothers, therefore, amazement at floors. Striving fat woke up not loved in the mirror of an island worker. No psychiatrist lies. The little other in the you-language: put it away for the architects. Smiles. Control. A pulse shoots into the sand hand, hits the brick wall economy of dead hands. I the restricted you in Arian language registers binding all I see, illuminating just what to say. Running understands its world through its feet: striving, hands, lead into pathological activity and colostomy bags. Remember clothes: the particulars: tying the sign to the anorexic.

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sick poet

london to dorset; heal my black rock. They threw it at a car I think I saw shadows. Moving suspected me: black motives in love knots sting. when you call out my name I volunteered many moments of evening I will mouth the garden rain, black loves you chris town flow slick suicide loves you so closed room: no weight in a sign sound suicide, xx WAR XXX Kill xxx get on the phone down, down, down, derpreesssssweed repreesssssedd go. go. rock. sink. OK Im morality war fair now fag has faggot maggot mouth dirty dirty, yr mouth raped by rhymes. shine whole foetus: yeah, under lines. thats the trouble no no no will no no will will depreeessssed right through the opened paid to shine

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crow window

angle pained tear in the corner light tap speaks taps its emptiness spilling into time: its a vacuum corner. Wind: Clear. I sketched a hear X in the glass with the axe winch turn the eye And the world is egg sound. etch. Etched. everything is screaming and we believed these things please, please asking the question of itself. We think we are immune to them. we, think, we, are, immune, Crow window on my hands on my hands give negativity a window. dont run away from me trying to work Dhal into this pit hooker this vodka for the cattle telos: Back splits off, yr a shoe problem now. Individual, a belly infected By, Hard, Code, Cohesion: eat. I the he is think. Think Soma dies away. earned walk earned walk earned Just falls away.

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Crow window Disinterested in disease. Inability to Duty. Rat boredom. Fortunate, period. That slippery impotence From The factory of the last phonographs, and between their wheals, is an absolute waterfall. Concrete hell. system scientists still trying to remember, from whatever factories, 1914, that promenaded inorganic planets, unquestioned, established, the crust that spoke of past torment. Of torment past: it's a real black river. Black sugar: Iraqis floating over. Writers store up from it: Its a real fatty liver. Burnline. All matter, human: all water is a tear of course. and everywhere the already-there is found filtering the world of its endless difference this need for ringworms, is detail enough, capable of deflecting, these mystic needs of the telephone, plastic downloads, practice management aesthetics in that manner of speaking excrement Intersections. Insects. Actions. Pharmacoma. Academicians. Electric spasms from the hand machine Encourage the hands into sensuous irrefutalisms, Bans. tax, Ajax: You petrify in this.

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liquid houses teeth receipts for multi-impulsive bulimics soul of the social: anorexics well-warn phantoms split open like a tortoise shell. world girl world for a moment Glitter knives out. Eyes shut the window Bad gross From bank throats. ... ... ... ... ... ... Out of time. another mama dribbling out reflected in abortion sound. liked it. didnt. Ego mice nails slamming the hammers down. ... ... ... ... ... ...

Skill is death in the Western sketch/engraved its name on yr face black mask Dead mother on a glass ... ... ... ... ... ...

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old cold fields kimberly out on the frosty old cold fields serious as worship for a sunday shepherd flocked by white mists rolling up the valley seas adrift an extremity of limestone a belt of rocky ridges cleave open an erosion valley north and south, between which I see a lion ship ghosts burning in industry on the hill survey the factories at 5am from the old cold field if they are heaving lungs of industry I might well bow: straining the arriving stations so early imposes a monday and an office for a man transfixed in transcript white shirt short shrift death-capped worldviews the usual reserve a land fresh as clean work-ware stitched in Asian bruises respiration illnesses a thicket of mature facts now gather and cover paper white my old friends

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a night so drained of force rolls down the coast Frau you amble in my sleep my healthy box of disabled malice husband had a cat and a god malignantly few two valleys keeping head precipitously above the sea

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stoned ray hey whats happening ray sparkling staccato today shaking off rain say smoking angels in the haze raising fire waves, I reach the opium. reach for the kiss joy no yr mouth, heroine in romes apollos given up the logos. wont you take your hand off the book and reach around the sun-spinning 45 and mug shots over hangover faces passing out in smoke

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hell flowers

sun towers hell tendencies in a glass tube eyes would starve themselves out; committed. teacher, coffee, angel; get drunk o sleeping in through the ordinary real. walking heart as the arms Ma; aligned it echoes through a world of brain Bath: black Ma, a man sucked from a hate context. Passion on parole; a shaved exchange

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fucking on a pile of junk

dusty boxes, Gilbertson hand in back spine fingers curl fucking on a pile of junk, legs and face fast frozen, merged leg-face Picasso butchered us made us wait in stringent knots straining groaning trunks collapse roll untroubled hand in back creaking boxes flex and strain creak back into shape again I wonder why looked so hard while life was clotting, nauseous while life was oceanic hate now life is hanging on a butcher-hook ............ scratch marks capture well human striving human hell skin falls off wire pain from a line fine black spun out of head of heady cruetly stirred by pregnable things

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nay priori its Western Road they walk so slowly like a museum old lady silver lipstick tarantula eyes smiles and waves a dirty glove eight foot tranny has a puddle makes like her waters broke daddy in the middle yells "it stinks!" face punctured like a food ball they cry "ward round" can I think every two hours awake? alive? dream my head is skewering the toilet where I am spewing

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punch fuck holes Word coffee: success my bride: an airbrushed anorexic subjected body friends eating, my blood simply a question that gets asked like the writing over a life mortified by barbed moments. So I starve out of this pentagonal life an old slagheap of ideas which drains away and reveals a panopticon word corridors around the emotional a world of co-belongings skin things surfaces scald their black reaches with cold process and the volcanos coughing up rocks are like originary birds only black and ground to sand sun heated they hiss at the sea and Im moving into them These cattle streams crow-footed, creased foetuses, inversions are exposed and hanging as dispositions that crawl through words old black fingers bought me ideals, rooms, empty cycles I am growing out through them unfolding in this dissolute space a universe that dies between its own fingers spun out from a circular horror by the sun now gone down on this world blooms back through its hollow . .

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Aphorisms + poems
copyright Aaron Asphar 2011

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