Yet More Jokes

Yet More Jokes
Yet More Jokes
Get Ready to Groan
With this Saucy selection …
Version: 1/00
Version date: June 2002
Collated by: http://Gasonga.com/
Version: 1/00 Page No: 1

Yet More Jokes
Bestsellers for Silly Jokes from Amazon.com
Totally Silly Jokes

by Alison Grambs
List Price: $14.95
Our Price: $10.47
Sales Rank: 1,252,920 - Avg. Rating: 0 (out of 5)
Released: September, 2003 - ISBN: 1402703643
Crack-Ups : A Very Silly Joke Book
by Mik Brown
Our Price: $3.95
Sales Rank: 70,807 - Avg. Rating: 0 (out of 5)
Released: April, 1994 - ISBN: 185697930X
Silly Animal Jokes and Riddles (Let'S-Try-It-Out)
by Seymour. Simon Dennis Kendrick
Our Price: $7.95
Avg. Rating: 0 (out of 5)
Released: December, 1980 - ISBN: 0070573972
696 Silly School Jokes & Riddles
by Joseph Rosenbloom Dennis Kendrick
Our Price: $13.80
Released: October, 1999 - ISBN: 0833505653
Funny Talk: A Book of Silly Riddles (Read-it! Joke Books)
by Michael Dahl Ned Shaw
List Price: $18.60
Our Price: $13.02
Released: August, 2003 - ISBN: 1404802290
Giggle Fit: Silly Knock-Knocks
by Joseph Rosenbloom Steve Harpster
Our Price: $4.95
Released: August, 2002 - ISBN: 1402701217
Super Silly Riddles
by Keith Faulkner Nik Spender
Our Price: $6.00
Released: February, 2002 - ISBN: 1586538543
Super Silly School Jokes
by Gene Perret Joseph Rosenbloom Meridith Berk Toni Vavrus Sanford Hoffman Meredith Berk
Our Price: $5.95
Released: December, 2001 - ISBN: 0806997389
What Do You Hear When Cows Sing? : And Other Silly Riddles
by Marco Maestro Giulio Maestro
Our Price: $3.99
Super Silly School Jokes and Riddles
by Neil Yamamoto
Our Price: $1.95

Yet More Jokes
New job
A businessman is interviewing applicants for the position of divisional

manager. He devises a simple test to select the most suitable candidate
for the job. He asks each applicant the question, "What is two and two?"
The first applicant is a journalist. His answer is "twenty-two."
The second applicant is an engineer. He pulls out a calculator and shows
the answer to be between 3.999 and 4.001.
The next person is a lawyer. He states that in the case of Jenkins v.
Simpson, two and two was proven to be four.
The last applicant is an accountant. The businessman asks him,
"How much is two and two?" The accountant gets up from his chair goes
over to the door and closes it. After sitting down he leans across the
desk and asks, "How much do you want it to be?"
He got the job.
Silly job ads
Wanted Dog Walkers,

Must be able to take the lead.
Faulty Taillight
"How long have you been driving without a tail light?" demanded the
Policeman.
The driver jumped out of his car and ran to the rear of his vehicle.
“O God NO!” The driver’s distress was so great that the cop decided to
ease up on him.
"Aw, come now," said the cop, "Don't take it so hard. It isn't that
serious."
"It isn't?" cried the motorist. "Where’s my boat and trailer?"

Yet More Jokes
Salesman scam, something for nothing?

A travelling salesman is about to check in at a hotel when he notices a
very charming lady giving him the eye. In a very causal manner he walks
over and speaks to her as though he has known her all his life. After a
few moments both walk back to the check-in-desk and register as Mr. and
Mrs. Smith.
After a three-day stay the salesman walks up to the desk and tells the
clerk that he is checking out. The clerk gives him his bill for £3,000.
"There must be a mistake here!" The salesman protests.
"I’ve been here only three days."
"That’s right" The clerk replies, "But your wife has been here a month."
Lawyers
A lawyer walks into a courtroom, places his satchel on the floor, and says
"Your Honour, I rest my case."
Unfortunately, he was thrown in jail for showing the judge his briefs.
Shakespeare
A Shakespearian actor is on stage when an insect lands on him and stings

him.
The insect flies off and the actor carries on.
A moment later, another insect lands on him and stings him.
When he gets off stage he wants to know what’s stung him, so he asks
the crew,
"Two Bees or not to Bees, That is the question"

Yet More Jokes
Is it Male or Female?
Item Decision Reason

Swiss army Male Even though it appears useful for a wide
knife variety of work, it spends most of its time
opening bottles.
Kidneys Female They always go to the bathroom in pairs.
Tire Male It goes bald and is often over-inflated.
Hot air balloon Male To get it to go anywhere, you have to light a

fire under it . . . And, of course it’s full of hot
air.
Sponges Female They are soft and squeezable and retain

water.
Web page Female It’s always getting hit on.
Shoe Male It’s usually unpolished, with its tongue

hanging out.
Copier Female Once turned off, it takes a while to warm up.

It’s an effective reproductive device when
the right buttons are pressed, and it can
wreak havoc when the wrong buttons are
pressed.
Ziploc bags Male They hold everything in, but you can always
see straight through them.
Subway Male It uses the same old lines to pick people up.
Hammer Male It hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000

years, but it's handy to have around.
Remote Female It gives men pleasure; he'd be lost without it,

control and while he doesn't always know the right
buttons to press, he keeps trying.

Yet More Jokes

Yet More Jokes
More Q & A
Q: What has 100 teeth and can hold back a huge monster?
A: My zipper.
Q: What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

A: It only takes one nail to hang the picture.
Q: What did God say after creating man?

A: "I can do better."
Q: What did he say after he created woman?

A: "Guess I was wrong!"
Q: What do you get when you cross LSD with birth control?
A: A trip without the kids
Q: What do you call a planetarium in the basement?

A: A stellar cellar
Q: What do you call a piece of wood with nothing to do?

A: A bored Board.
Q: What do you call an escaped gander?

A: A Loose Goose
Q: What do you call a shady place to swim?

A: A cool pool
Q: What do you call a female duck disguised as a male?

A: A fake drake

Yet More Jokes
My Confession
A young man enters the confessional box and says,

"Farther, I’ve had sex with two eighteen year old nymphomaniac twins
every night of this week"
“Disgusting! What kind of Catholic are you?" Reprimands priest.
"I'm not a Catholic,” replies the young man.
"Then why are you telling me this?" say the priest.
"Hey I’m telling everyone!”
The Japanese tourist
A Japanese tourist goes into an Australian bank to cash some travellers

cheques. He is offered 85 yen to the dollar. The tourist shouts,
"85 yen! That's robbery. Yesterday I get 80 yen to the dollar. Why do
you do this?"
"Fluctuations", explains the Manager.
"No! Fluck you Australians!" shouts the tourist. "I go somewhere else!"
It's Illegal
Five Belgians in an Audi Quattro arrive at the French border. The French
Customs agent stops them and tells them: "It's illegal to put 5 people in a
Quattro."
"Oh, no, Quattro is just the name of the automobile. Look at the papers:
this car is designed to carry 5 persons”, protests the driver.
"You can't pull that one on me," replies the customs agent.
"Quattro means 4!"
"Oh, god you are so stupid! Call your supervisor!", requests the driver.
"Sorry No”, say the customs man, “He’s busy with the 2 guys in the Fiat
Uno.

Yet More Jokes
Five Kinds Of Sex
No Type Description
1 Smurf Sex. This happens during the honeymoon. You both keep
at it until you're blue in the face.
2 Kitchen Sex. This is at the beginning of the marriage, you'll have
sex anywhere, anytime, even in the kitchen while
she's trying to wash the dishes.
3 Bedroom Sex. You've calmed down a bit. Have kids, so you’ve got
to do it in the bedroom.
4 Hallway Sex. This is where you pass each other in the hallway and
say, "F*** you!"
5 Courtroom This is when you get divorced and your wife screws
Sex. you in front of everyone in the courtroom.
Problems, Problems.
A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, you got to help me!"
"What's your problem?" asks the Doc
“Every morning I wake up with my morning flagpole... I give the missus a
quick one, and then go to work. On the way to work, I carpool with the
next door neighbour's wife who gives me a blow job during the ride. Once
I get there, I do some work and then at morning tea time, I go into the
photocopy room and crank one out with one of the young office girls.
At lunch, I take my secretary out to a hotel and give her a good bonking.
For afternoon tea, I give the boss's wife a good servicing. Then, I go
home and slip the maid a few inches. Then at night, I give the missus
another screw...”
"So" asked the Doc. "What's your problem?"
The guy replies, "Well, it hurts when I masturbate!"
Y2K Jelly
Have you heard, the creators of KY Jelly have produced a new product?
It's called Y2K Jelly. Why's it so special? Well, it allows you to get four
digits in your date instead of two!

Yet More Jokes
Little Willy
Little Willy keeps disrupting his third grade class by farting loudly. So his
teacher keeps him behind after school and insists on knowing why.
Willy says, "I do it, because I can do it better than anyone else!”
The teacher says, "If I show you I can do it better than you, will you
stop?" Little Willy agrees.
The teacher places two sheets of paper on the floor, and covers them
with equal amounts of chalk dust. Willy drops his pants, squats over the
paper and farts. He blows all but a tiny little speck of dust off the paper.
The teacher drops her knickers, lifts her skirt, squats and farts. When
she finished and there is not a trace of chalk dust in sight. Willy is
amazed and asks if he can see her do it again.
She is willing and repeats the process. But this time Willy peeks up her
skirt.
"No wonder you won!" he exclaims indignantly, "You've got a Double-
Barrel!"
Yard word
A guy gets into his grubbiest clothes on a Saturday morning and sets
about all the chores his wife has been hassling him to do for weeks. He
cleans the garage, prunes the hedge, and is halfway through mowing the
lawn when a very attractive woman pulls up in her car. She yells out of
her window, "Say, what do you get for yard work?"
The guy thinks for a minute and answers,
"The lady that lives here lets me sleep with her."

Yet More Jokes
Top Ten Rejection Lines Given By Women.
No Reason What it really means

1 I think of you as a brother You remind me of that inbred
banjo-playing dude in Deliverance
2 There's a slight difference in I don't want to play with my dad.
our ages
3 I'm not attracted to you in You’re the most ugly bastard I've
'that' way. ever laid eyes on.
4 My life is too complicated right
I don’t want you spending the
now whole night as you might hear
phone calls from all the other
guys I'm seeing.
5 I've got a boyfriend I’d rather spend the night with
the TV and a half-gallon tub of
Ben and Jerry's.
6 I don't date men where I work I wouldn't date you if you were
the only guy in the country let
alone the same building.
7 It's not you, it's me It's you!
8 I'm concentrating on my career Even something as boring and
unfulfilling as my job is better
than dating you.
9 I'm celibate Or I’d rather be than sleep with
you.
10 Let's be friends I want you to stay around so I can
tell you in excruciating detail
about all the other men I meet
and have sex with.

Yet More Jokes
Top Ten Rejection Lines Given By Men.
No Reason What it really means

1 I think of you as a sister. You're ugly
2 There's a slight difference in You're butt ugly
our ages
3 I'm not attracted to you in You're ugly and you’re making me
'that' way. feel sick thinking about it.
4 My life is too complicated right You're ugly. But stick around 10
now. beers might change my view!
5 I've got a girlfriend And she’s better looking than you.
6 I don't date women where I Do I look desperate?
work
7 It's not you, it's me I’ve got a hang over and can’t
drink the required amount of beer
for you to look anything but ugly.
8 I'm concentrating on my My secretary is better looking
career. than you and I’m seeing her
tonight.
9 I'm celibate. Get lost its football in TV tonight.
10 Let's be friends. I need some laundry doing would
you mind doing it?

Yet More Jokes
Advice For Men While Golfing
10. Back straight, knees bent, feet shoulder width apart.

9. Form a loose grip.
8. Keep your head down.
7. Avoid a quick back swing.
6. Stay out of the water.
5. Try not to hit anyone.
4. If you are taking too long, please let others go ahead of you.
3. Don't stand directly in front of others.
2. Quiet please! While others are preparing to go.
1. Don't take extra strokes.
Opps, Wrong list this is how to Peeing In Public list.

Yet More Jokes
Men are like...
Men are like... place mats.

They only show up when there's food on the table.
Men are like... mascara.

They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
Men are like... bike helmets.

Handy in an emergency, but otherwise just look silly.
Men are like... government bonds.

They take so long to mature.
Men are like... parking spots.

All the good ones are taken.
Men are like... copiers.

You need them for reproduction, but that's about it.
Men are like... lava lamps.

Fun to look at, but not all that bright.
Men are like... bank accounts.

Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest.
Men are like... high heels.

They are easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.
Men are like... miniskirts.

If you are not careful, they'll creep up your legs.
End

Yet More Jokes

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Yet More Jokes

Get Ready to Groan

With this Saucy selection …

Version date: June 2002

Collated by: http://Gasonga.com/

Version: 1/00 Page No: 1

Bestsellers for Silly Jokes from Amazon.com

Totally Silly Jokes

Version: 1/00 Page No: 2

A businessman is interviewing applicants for the position of divisional

Silly job ads

Wanted Dog Walkers,

Version: 1/00 Page No: 3

Salesman scam, something for nothing?

A Shakespearian actor is on stage when an insect lands on him and stings

Version: 1/00 Page No: 4

Item Decision Reason

Kidneys Female They always go to the bathroom in pairs.

Tire Male It goes bald and is often over-inflated.

Hot air balloon Male To get it to go anywhere, you have to light a

Sponges Female They are soft and squeezable and retain

Web page Female It’s always getting hit on.

Shoe Male It’s usually unpolished, with its tongue

Copier Female Once turned off, it takes a while to warm up.

Hammer Male It hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000

Remote Female It gives men pleasure; he'd be lost without it,

Version: 1/00 Page No: 5

Version: 1/00 Page No: 6

Q: What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

Q: What did God say after creating man?

Q: What did he say after he created woman?

Q: What do you call a planetarium in the basement?

Q: What do you call a piece of wood with nothing to do?

Q: What do you call an escaped gander?

Q: What do you call a shady place to swim?

Q: What do you call a female duck disguised as a male?

Version: 1/00 Page No: 7

A young man enters the confessional box and says,

The Japanese tourist

A Japanese tourist goes into an Australian bank to cash some travellers

Version: 1/00 Page No: 8

Five Kinds Of Sex

Version: 1/00 Page No: 9

Version: 1/00 Page No: 10

Top Ten Rejection Lines Given By Women.

No Reason What it really means

Version: 1/00 Page No: 11

Top Ten Rejection Lines Given By Men.

No Reason What it really means

Version: 1/00 Page No: 12

Advice For Men While Golfing

10. Back straight, knees bent, feet shoulder width apart.

Opps, Wrong list this is how to Peeing In Public list.

Version: 1/00 Page No: 13

Men are like...

Men are like... place mats.

Men are like... mascara.

Men are like... bike helmets.

Men are like... government bonds.

Men are like... parking spots.

Men are like... copiers.

Men are like... lava lamps.