GOOD PARENTING GLOBAL

NOV 2011 EDUCATION & CAREER GUIDANCE

Article
GOOD PARENTING

Issue 1 November 2011

Create the best possible growing environment for your childs development
Nobody can be the perfect parent and there are no perfect children. Nor does a formula exist for good parenting. But there are a few parenting principles that help raise happy, self-aware and cheerful children who are likely to grow up into respectful and balanced adults. Of course, situations for parents differ strongly, given the circumstances of child birth, the couple's relationship and the economic environment. But regardless of all that, the ten steps below are recommendations for parents who are aware of how fortunate they are to raise children and are willing to commit to their child's development. 1. It's a Science First of all, parenting should be viewed as a kind of behavioral and social science. This does not mean parents have to study academic books on the issue, but they should be aware of the interplay between action and reaction. Doing good things has a positive learning effect on children. Losing one's temper or criticizing without clear reason confuses your child and will eventually lead to disaffirmation and defiance. So give your children the opportunity to love you back, be consistent in your actions, and if there is something to criticize, criticize the behavior and not the child.

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NOV 2011

2. Rules Must be Relevant Don't think that the kind of parenting your own parents used to practice is carved in stone. Set your own rules don't use the same rules as your parents did as they might be outdated. This particularly applies to harsh discipline. Never slap your children, be physically aggressive, or even threaten them. Children will most likely adopt this and be aggressive to their peers because they conceive aggression as a way to solve conflicts. This sooner or later will lead to behavioral problems of a sort you wouldn't like your children to suffer from. 3. Define Limits

5. Role Models An important and highly underestimated part of parenting is to demonstrate a positive relationship with your own partner. Both of you are role models and must act accordingly. Interpret events positively. Don't argue with your partner in front of your child or be disdainful. Always explain why you disagree on issues and sort out the differences by discussing them peacefully. Children raised in a conflict-laden partnership are prone to have problems in their own partnerships later. Show them a partnership which they can use as a model for their future relationships. 6. Money Matters

Set limits and explain them clearly, and also define areas of freedom while leaving room for development. Teach your children to be independent. However, this is difficult if you haven't developed independence in yourself. 4. Show Respect It sounds like a stereotype, but show respect to your child and you will receive respect in return. This, furthermore, will inspire your child to repeat good behavior and to long for achievements. Be consistent with this, otherwise your children will be confused. Practice what you preach, but keep yourself in check even if you are illtempered, angry or stressed. Children take criticism or anger very seriously if they don't understand it.

Teach your child how to deal with money. There is nothing wrong with rewarding the child with a gift when this is well-deserved. But don't link actions such as household chores or buying groceries to a salary'. This may give rise to unrealistic expectations. If it is time to give your child an allowance, it should come with some advice on money management, earning, spending, borrowing and saving. Money matters are a major issue in most families, and must be discussed openly and calmly. Explain why something cannot be bought, not by saying you cannot afford it, but by saying that there are more important things to spend money on.

GLOBAL EDUCATION & CAREER GUIDANCE

GOOD PARENTING

NOV 2011

7. Inspire Confidence Never put your child down, particularly in front of others. This is an insult to the child, and it will cause fear, loss of selfconfidence and distrust. It will eventually lead to a disturbed relationship with your child and rejection. Belittling a child can also be interpreted as a sign of weakness of a parent's personality, and children don't appreciate weakness, because you are the boss and not a friend, though this does not mean the child is a subordinate. 8. Quality Time Manage your day in an organized fashion so you can spend quality time with your family. Children shouldn't get the impression that they have to compete with your for their attention. Explain to them that earning a living is essential, but also show them that they are important to you. Get involved in your child's life and be a good listener. Don't pass on work problems to your kids. 9. Mirroring Styles Coordinate your parenting styles. If one parent plays good cop while the other is authoritative, the child will become confused and this can cause all sorts of problems. If you and your spouse have different ideas about parenting, talk about it and agree on a coherent style, and if this is not possible, seek specialist advice. But don't fight this battle on the back of your child.

10. Say Cheese Finally, be positive. Smile. Allow your children to spend a happy childhood. Have fun together. Cherish them. Motivate them. Enjoy each other. Be a role model like you would have expected it from your own parents. Show affection. You will not spoil your children by showing them you care. *********************

Article By

Mohammad Faisal
Board of Trustees & Chairman of GEM Society

Editor GECG Technical Team