An essay can have many purposes, but the basic structure is the same no matter what.

You may be writing an essay to argue for a particular point of view or to explain the steps necessary to complete a task. Either way, your essay will have the same basic format. If you follow a few simple steps, you will find that the essay almost writes itself. You will be responsible only for supplying ideas, which are the important part of the essay anyway. Don't let the thought of putting pen to paper daunt you. Get started! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------These simple steps will guide you through the essay writing process: A. Decide on your topic. B. Prepare an outline or diagram of your ideas. C. Write your thesis statement. D. Write the body. E. Write the main points. F. Write the subpoints. G. Elaborate on the subpoints. H. Write the introduction. I. Write the conclusion. J. Add the finishing touches. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------A. Choose a Topic for Your Essay Topic Has Been Assigned You may have no choice as to your topic. If this is the case, you still may not be ready to jump to the next step. Think about the type of paper you are expected to produce. Should it be a general overview, or a specific analysis of the topic? If it should be an overview, then you are probably ready to move to the next step. If it should be a specific analysis, make sure your topic is fairly specific. If it is too general, you must choose a narrower subtopic to discuss. For example, the topic "KENYA" is a general one. If your objective is to write an overview, this topic is suitable. If your objective is to write a specific analysis, this topic is too general. You must narrow it to something like "Politics in Kenya" or "Kenya's Culture." Once you have determined that your topic will be suitable, you can move on. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------Topic Has Not Been Assigned If you have not been assigned a topic, then the whole world lies before you. Sometimes that seems to make the task of starting even more intimidating. Actually, this means that you are free to choose a topic of interest to you, which will often make your essay a stronger one.

Define Your Purpose The first thing you must do is think about the purpose of the essay you must write. Is your purpose to persuade people to believe as you do, to explain to people how to complete a particular task, to educate people about some person, place, thing or idea, or something else entirely? Whatever topic you choose must fit that purpose. Brainstorm Subjects of Interest Once you have determined the purpose of your essay, write down some subjects that interest you. No matter what the purpose of your essay is, an endless number of topics will be suitable. If you have trouble thinking of subjects, start by looking around you. Is there anything in your surroundings that interests you? Think about your life. What occupies most of your time? That might make for a good topic. Don't evaluate the subjects yet; just write down anything that springs to mind. Evaluate Each Potential Topic If you can think of at least a few topics that would be appropriate, you must simply consider each one individually. Think about how you feel about that topic. If you must educate, be sure it is a subject about which you are particularly well-informed. If you must persuade, be sure it is a subject about which you are at least moderately passionate. Of course, the most important factor in choosing a topic is the number of ideas you have about that topic. Even if none of the subjects you thought of seem particularly appealing, try just choosing one to work with. It may turn out to be a better topic than you at first thought. Before you are ready to move on in the essay-writing process, look one more time at the topic you have selected. Think about the type of paper you are expected to produce. Should it be a general overview, or a specific analysis of the topic? If it should be an overview, then you are probably ready to move to the next step. If it should be a specific analysis, make sure your topic is fairly specific. If it is too general, you must choose a narrower subtopic to discuss. For example, the topic "KENYA" is a general one. If your objective is to write an overview, this topic is suitable. If your objective is to write a specific analysis, this topic is too general. You must narrow it to something like "Politics in Kenya" or "Kenya's Culture." Once you have determined that your topic will be suitable, you can move on. Organize Your Ideas -------------------------------------------------------------------------------The purpose of an outline or diagram is to put your ideas about the topic on paper, in a moderately organized format. The structure you create here may still change before the essay is complete, so don't agonize over this. Decide whether you prefer the cut-and-dried structure of an outline or a more flowing structure. If you start one or the other and decide it isn't working for you, you can always switch later. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Diagram Begin your diagram with a circle or a horizontal line or whatever shape you prefer in the middle of the page. Inside the shape or on the line, write your topic. From your center shape or line, draw three or four lines out into the page. Be sure to spread them out. At the end of each of these lines, draw another circle or horizontal line or whatever you drew in the center of the page. In each shape or on each line, write the main ideas that you have about your topic, or the main points that you want to make. If you are trying to persuade, you want to write your best arguments. If you are trying to explain a process, you want to write the steps that should be followed. You will probably need to group these into categories. If you have trouble grouping the steps into categories, try using Beginning, Middle, and End. If you are trying to inform, you want to write the major categories into which your information can be divided. From each of your main ideas, draw three or four lines out into the page. At the end of each of these lines, draw another circle or horizontal line or whatever you drew in the center of the page. In each shape or on each line, write the facts or information that support that main idea. When you have finished, you have the basic structure for your essay and are ready to continue. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------Outline Begin your outline by writing your topic at the top of the page. Next, write the Roman numerals I, II, and III, spread apart down the left side of the page. Next to each Roman numeral, write the main ideas that you have about your topic, or the main points that you want to make. If you are trying to persuade, you want to write your best arguments. If you are trying to explain a process, you want to write the steps that should be followed. You will probably need to group these into categories. If you have trouble grouping the steps into categories, try using Beginning, Middle, and End. If you are trying to inform, you want to write the major categories into which your information can be divided. Under each Roman numeral, write A, B, and C down the left side of the page. Next to each letter, write the facts or information that support that main idea. When you have finished, you have the basic structure for your essay and are ready to continue. Compose a Thesis Statement -------------------------------------------------------------------------------Now that you have decided, at least tentatively, what information you plan to present in your essay, you are ready to write your thesis statement. The thesis statement tells the reader what the essay will be about, and what point you, the author, will be making. You know what the essay will be about. That was your topic. Now you must look at your outline or diagram and decide what point you will be making. What do the main ideas and supporting ideas that you listed say about your topic?

Your thesis statement will have two parts. The first part states the topic. Kenya's Culture Building a Model Train Set Public Transportation The second part states the point of the essay. has a rich and varied history takes time and patience can solve some of our city's most persistent and pressing problems Or in the second part you could simply list the three main ideas you will discuss. Has a long history, blends traditions from several other cultures, and provides a rich heritage. Requires an investment in time, patience, and materials. Helps with traffic congestion, resource management, and the city budget. Once you have formulated a thesis statement that fits this pattern and with which you are comfortable, you are ready to continue. Write the Body Paragraphs -------------------------------------------------------------------------------In the body of the essay, all the preparation up to this point comes to fruition. The topic you have chosen must now be explained, described, or argued. Each main idea that you wrote down in your diagram or outline will become one of the body paragraphs. If you had three or four main ideas, you will have three or four body paragraphs. Each body paragraph will have the same basic structure. Start by writing down one of your main ideas, in sentence form. If your main idea is "reduces freeway congestion," you might say this: Public transportation reduces freeway congestion. Next, write down each of your supporting points for that main idea, but leave four or five lines in between each point. In the space under each point, write down some elaboration for that point. Elaboration can be further description or explanation or discussion. Supporting Point Commuters appreciate the cost savings of taking public transportation rather than driving. Elaboration Less driving time means less maintenance expense, such as oil changes. Of course, less driving time means savings on gasoline as well. In many cases, these savings amount to more than the cost of riding public transportation. If you wish, include a summary sentence for each paragraph. This is not generally needed, however, and such sentences have a tendency to sound stilted, so be cautious about using them.

Once you have fleshed out each of your body paragraphs, one for each main point, you are ready to continue. Write the Introduction and Conclusion -------------------------------------------------------------------------------Your essay lacks only two paragraphs now: the introduction and the conclusion. These paragraphs will give the reader a point of entry to and a point of exit from your essay. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------Introduction The introduction should be designed to attract the reader's attention and give her an idea of the essay's focus. Begin with an attention grabber. The attention grabber you use is up to you, but here are some ideas: Startling information This information must be true and verifiable, and it doesn't need to be totally new to your readers. It could simply be a pertinent fact that explicitly illustrates the point you wish to make. If you use a piece of startling information, follow it with a sentence or two of elaboration. Anecdote An anecdote is a story that illustrates a point. Be sure your anecdote is short, to the point, and relevant to your topic. This can be a very effective opener for your essay, but use it carefully. Dialogue An appropriate dialogue does not have to identify the speakers, but the reader must understand the point you are trying to convey. Use only two or three exchanges between speakers to make your point. Follow dialogue with a sentence or two of elaboration. Summary Information A few sentences explaining your topic in general terms can lead the reader gently to your thesis. Each sentence should become gradually more specific, until you reach your thesis. If the attention grabber was only a sentence or two, add one or two more sentences that will lead the reader from your opening to your thesis statement. Finish the paragraph with your thesis statement. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------Conclusion The conclusion brings closure to the reader, summing up your points or providing a final perspective on your topic. All the conclusion needs is three or four strong sentences which do not need to follow any set formula. Simply review the main points (being careful not to restate them exactly) or briefly describe your feelings about the topic. Even an anecdote can end your essay in a useful way.

The introduction and conclusion complete the paragraphs of your essay. Don't stop just yet! One more step remains before your essay is truly finished. Add the Finishing Touches -------------------------------------------------------------------------------You have now completed all of the paragraphs of your essay. Before you can consider this a finished product, however, you must give some thought to the formatting of your paper. Check the order of your paragraphs. Look at your paragraphs. Which one is the strongest? You might want to start with the strongest paragraph, end with the second strongest, and put the weakest in the middle. Whatever order you decide on, be sure it makes sense. If your paper is describing a process, you will probably need to stick to the order in which the steps must be completed. Check the instructions for the assignment. When you prepare a final draft, you must be sure to follow all of the instructions you have been given. Are your margins correct? Have you titled it as directed? What other information (name, date, etc.) must you include? Did you double-space your lines? Check your writing. Nothing can substitute for revision of your work. By reviewing what you have done, you can improve weak points that otherwise would be missed. Read and reread your paper. Does it make logical sense? Leave it for a few hours and then read it again. Does it still make logical sense? Do the sentences flow smoothly from one another? If not, try to add some words and phrases to help connect them. Transition words, such as "therefore" or "however," sometimes help. Also, you might refer in one sentence to a thought in the previous sentence. This is especially useful when you move from one paragraph to another. Have you run a spell checker or a grammar checker? These aids cannot catch every error, but they might catch errors that you have missed. Once you have checked your work and perfected your formatting, your essay is finished. Congratulations! Examples of Good and Bad Writing Learning to write often works best by example. The following are excerpts from nine first-year student essays. Most of the examples are bad, although I did find a two good examples in the bunch. In most cases, the names and dates from the essays have been changed to not compromise the subject matter for future students (in other words, don't use any of the apparent research

information here in your papers). I have tried to categorize the errors as best as I could. Errors or bad portions are usually bolded to help you identify them. Good Examples Bad Examples o Bad Grammar o Awkward Wording o Hyperbole o Mismatched Words, Phrases, and Pronouns o Misused Words and Phrases o General Sloppiness o Several Errors Combined Good Examples Smith was a religious, Christian man. His notion of monads included contextual references to God. He believed that God controls the harmony of life through these monads. The essay then goes on to discuss these monads in a Christian context. Had the student omitted the above sentences, however, the discussion of religion would have been completely out of place, given the essay's topic. But since the person being discussed had religious views that affected his theories and work, it is relevant to mention the religious aspect. Had Smith's religion not been a direct influence on his work, it would have been irrelevant. Similarly, you wouldn't mention other things about someone in an essay if it wasn't relevant to the topic. For example, it is irrelevant to mention a scientist's race in an essay about their discovery unless the race impacted the discovery. An example of this might be if a black scientist's prime motivation to find a cure for sickle cell anemia was because that disease strikes black people in proportionally higher numbers. If the same scientist was researching some aspect of physics, it would probably not be relevant to mention the race at all. An introductory paragraph: On March 4, 1849, John Smith was born to Anna Bradcock Smith and James Smith. Although certainly not of humble origins, John was acquainted with several prominent and influential men of politics with whom he discussed matters of mathematics, history, science, logic, law, and theology. Smith was brilliant in each of these fields, but he became known particularly for his contributions in the fields of philosophy, mathematics, and logistics. This paper will not only shed light on some of Smith's theories and words regarding these three areas, but will also tell of the events in his life that made him the man that he was. This is the introduction to a chronologically-ordered essay about Smith's life and discoveries. As such, the choice to begin with his date of birth is a good one. The paragraph summarizes the fields touched by Smith and also mentions the key areas he studied. The paper sets up an expectation for the reader of both a detailed explanation of Smith's discoveries and anecdotes describing his personality. The sentence structure is grammatically sound and flows well. Bad Examples Bad Grammar In the late 1650's, Smith's mother returned to London, she then pulled him out of school with the intent to make him a farmer. 1. Apostrophes indicate possessiveness or contractions, not plurality. The decade is the 1650s.

2. The sentence is a run-on. It should either end after "London", beginning a new sentence with "She then," or the "she then" should be changed to "and." 3. To make someone a farmer is to create a farmer for them. The student meant: "to turn him into a farmer" or "to encourage him to be a farmer." Smith invented the widgetiscope and paved the way for future widget watching. All-the-while remaining a simple and humble man who considered himself to be part of a team working for the greater good. 1. The bolded part is not a complete sentence. The entire thing should be one sentence. 2. "All-the-while" does not require hyphenation. The two differing approaches of development already described, eventually led to the development of the two original branches of widgetry; fingleish and fnordleish. This sentence is mispunctuated. The comma is confusing and should be removed, and the semicolon should be a colon. Awkward Wording Another of Smith's ideas was the method of differentiation. The university re-opened after the plague in 1667. Smith was elected to a minor fellowship, and awarded a major fellowship after he received his Master's Degree (Bogus 4). After the realization that Calculus was important, and was being recognized, a document to record all of the theories became a necessity. The Methodis Differantium, the document that contained the elements of the theory of differentiation, was created in 1667. Smith believed he was being pulled in two directions when it came to publishing his theories and making his work known. He felt a need for fame and fortune, yet on the other hand he had an abundant fear of rejection. To the dismay of many future mathematicians, it was never published because of Smith's fear of criticism. Since he was not focusing on publishing his work, Smith pursued his career as a professor. This so-called paragraph is an utter mess. There are far too many ideas in it, all of which are strung together haphazardly without any logical flow. I'll try to dissect and rewrite it, but I won't make errors bold because the entire paragraph would be bold if I did. First, let's pick out the different topics being addressed: 1. the method of differentiation 2. the university re-opening after the plague 3. Smith's ascension through the university ranks 4. the need of a document detailing differentiation, which was eventually created 5. Smith's mental state, desires and fears Now, if we replace each sentence with the number of the corresponding idea, we can see what a jumbled mess this is: 1, 2, 3, 4, 4, 5, 5, 4, 3. Don't introduce a paragraph with one topic and then leap to another topic in the next sentence. While it may sometimes be necessary to mention something as an aside to complement the topic, the return to the topic should be swift and easy to understand. Don't bounce around within the paragraph as this student has done. Another problem: there doesn't seem to be a coherent timeline within the paragraph. Did the university re-open in 1667, or was the plague in 1667? Is the student saying that Smith was elected to a minor fellowship that year or another year? Similarly, when did the major fellowship and Master's Degree come in? It's unlikely to have all happened in one year, though it is possible. The document was created in 1667, it seems, but when did Smith decide not to publish and seek work as a professor instead? Also 1667? It sounds like that was a very busy year for poor Smith!

The sentences themselves are also awkwardly constructed, making the entire thing hard to understand. I'll make some assumptions regarding the confusing date information. Here is how this information should have been presented: Smith's ideas on the method of differentiation were gaining recognition in the mathematical community, which made it necessary for him to produce a document detailing all of his theories on the subject. Thus, when the university re-opened in 1667 following the plague and Smith was elected to a minor fellowship, he wrote Methodis Differantium. Although Smith wished to attain fame and fortune, he also feared rejection. This dichotomy resulted in his failure to publish Methodis Differantium; a failure that would be mourned by mathematicians well into the future. Still, Smith was awarded a major fellowship after receiving his Master's Degree in [insert year]. Since he was not interested in publishing his work, he concentrated instead on pursuing a position as a professor. Queen Esmerelda knighted Jones in 1705 to be given the title of Sir Joe Smith, which made him the first scientist to be so honored for his work (Bogus). 1. The phrase "to be given" is awkward here. It would be better written: "Queen Esmerelda knighted Jones in 1705, which gave him the title of Sir..." 2. Who else could be honoured for Smith's work other than Smith? It should say: "...which made him the first man to be honored for scientific work." 3. There probably should be a page number listed in the citation. Jones had a main idea of analytic geometry. What does this mean? Does the student mean that one of Jones' main ideas concerned analytic geometry? Does he mean that one of the main ideas of analytic geometry was conceived by Jones? Or does he mean something else entirely? This makes little sense and is very awkward. Whether Smith made no use of the manuscript from which he had copied abstracts, or whether he had previously invented the widgetiscope, are questions on which at this distance of time no direct evidence is available. 1. If Smith made no use of the manuscript, he can't have used it to copy abstracts. 2. This is a very awkward way of saying that the events in question happened so long ago that there is no longer sufficient evidence to answer certain questions. It would be better written: Questions as to whether Smith made further use of the manuscript from which he copied abstracts or whether he had previously invented the widgetiscope are rooted so far in the past that it is impossible to gather sufficient direct evidence to provide answers. This is still a bit awkward. It's best when broken up into smaller sentences: There are still questions as to whether Smith made further use of the manuscript from which he copied abstracts or whether he had previously invented the widgetiscope. Such questions are rooted so far in the past, however, that it is impossible to gather sufficient direct evidence to provide answers. Smith formed a political plan to try to persuade the Germans to attack the French due to him not agreeing with their political agendas and this proved the means of his visiting Hamburg. 1. "Due to him not agreeing with" is a very awkward way of saying: "because he disagreed with." 2. The second bolded part should be a separate sentence. 3. "Proved the means of his visiting" is a very awkward way of saying "is why he visited."

Hyperbole Jones explained ideas too enormous to understand, and simplified problems too complex to approach. Not only is this hyperbole, it's also logically impossible. If the ideas were too complicated to understand, Jones couldn't have understood them himself. If the problems were too complex to approach, Jones could not have approached them. More samples of hyperbole can be found in the collection of items with several errors. Mismatched Words, Phrases, and Pronouns After marrying Elizabeth, Smith's father fell ill for several months. After no sign of recovery, a lawyer was summoned to the manor. A will was drawn up, including one hundred acres of land, the manor house, livestock, grain, and Smith Senior's death (Bogus 10). His mother gave birth to Smith three months after Smith senior died. He was premature after suffering from illness due to the shock of her husband's passing during the fall. 1. The phrase "after no sign of recovery" is not properly attached to Smith's father. Instead, it is saying that the lawyer did not recover from something. 2. A will does not include land, a house, etc. It states to whom such things are bequeathed. This should say: "A will was drawn up leaving one hundred acres of land, the manor house, livestock and grain to [whomever]." 3. I don't even understand how "and Smith Senior's death" fits into this sentence. 4. "His" in the sentence "His mother gave birth..." refers to the antecedent "Smith Senior." Thus, Smith Senior's mother gave birth to Smith Senior's son. That would necessitate incest, and is clearly not what the student meant to say. They should have simply said "Elizabeth gave birth..." 5. Who else but someone's mother gives birth to them anyway? 6. Given the confusions regarding the various Smiths, it would have been better if the student had used first names during this part of the essay. 7. There is inconsistency in capitalization. It is Smith Senior once, and Smith senior another time. 8. The "he" in "he was premature" again refers to the wrong antecedent. Smith Senior was not premature. 9. Smith did not suffer illness due to the shock of Smith Senior's passing. Elizabeth did. This sentence says that Smith suffered the illness. 10. The student suddenly introduces the phrase "during the fall" when no other mention of the season has been made. This could be confused with Smith Senior dying from a fall. Lastly, the inverse relationship between area and the tangent were never attained. "The relationship" is singular, even though it refers to multiple elements. Thus, the verb "were" should be singular as well, and changed to "was." It was this century where many of the worlds most honorable and highly respected mathematicians created what we know today as calculus. 1. A century is not a place, it is a section of time. Say it is a "place where..." or a "time when..." In this case, "It was this century when..." 2. Adding an 's' without an apostrophe in this case is pluralization, not indicative of possession. The student means "world's." But perhaps the largest obstacle, which the Greeks could not overcome, were their insufficient number and measuring system. "Were" is plural, but "obstacle" and "system" are singular. It should be "was."

Tragically at the age of six, Smith's father died. This says that Smith's father died at the age of six. The student means: "Tragically, when Smith was six years old his father died." Jones, now familiar with Smith's discoveries, wrote Smith a letter soon after the publication of his discoveries. After the publication of whose discoveries: Jones' or Smith's? Misused Words and Phrases Jones reasoned that if he could calculate the angles of the projected colour, a new law of refraction could be made. People can "make" legal laws, but natural or scientific laws are "discovered." To "make" a new law of refraction, Jones would have to alter physics. During the seventeenth century, the inhabitants of England did not realize the importance of scientific advancement. 1. "Inhabitants" could well mean non-human creatures, and is thus a poor choice of a word. 2. Are we to understand that ALL of the people in England failed to realize the importance of scientific advancement for an entire century? It would have been better if the student had said "most people in England." At the current time, the dominant belief was that light traveled in wave. 1. The current time is the moment the reader is reading the sentence. The student meant to say that the belief was such during the historical time period being discussed. "Current" should be omitted. 2. The phrase "in wave" has an error. It should either be "in waves" or "in a wave." Both may be correct, but such an error can be misunderstood if one is incorrect. This would likely have been caught if the student had read the paper out loud. Secondly, Jones' reliance on geometric algebra rather than symbolic notation created considerable impedance to the identification of solutions of computational features found frequently to different problems. Here is an example of a student not knowing the proper meaning of a word. Impedance means opposition to the flow of electric current. It does not mean the same as to impede, which is to be an obstacle. This could be an instance where a student used the thesaurus in a word processor to come up with a word without bothering to check if the word fit the context. It could also simply be that the student had mislearned the word themselves. Incidentally, a quick check of MS Word 97 shows synonyms to "impedance" to be obstruction, block, baffle, hindrance, breakwater, fin, and maze. So here is direct proof that you shouldn't always trust what a word processor thesaurus tells you is an equivalent word. Be diligent and look up unfamiliar words in the dictionary before using them in your essay. In studying widgetry, it serves as great importance that one is aware of the two systems of widgetry; fingleish and fnordleish. Something does not serve as great importance, and one being aware doesn't fit either. This is a student trying to sound fancy but instead making no sense. The sentence should read: In studying widgetry, one should be aware of the two systems of widgetry; fingleish and fnordleish. General Sloppiness It was thought that Jones hated his stepfather and his mother, partly for abandoning him at such a young age. 1. Who thought so?

2. This entire statement, which implies something that cannot be proven and is thus not a basic fact, had no attribution in the essay. Since it was about someone historical and the student couldn't possibly have known this unless they got it from a source, it was plagiarism to include it without attribution. Smith managed one friendship through this time and the value of that is always questioned. 1. Who is questioning the value? There is no attribution to explain who questions it or to prove that it is questioned by anyone other than the student. 2. What precisely is being questioned? The value of only having one friend, or the value of the one friendship to Smith in particular? ...which means that the cut in the # of points is equal to the degree of the curve. Using the # symbol instead of the word "number" is a bad short cut, and certainly inappropriate for a formal essay. Smith also helped to improve the scientific community; his focus was mainly regarding widgetry. How does a focus on a subject help to improve a community? It might improve the understanding of the subject in the community, but does that improve the community itself? This is a badly worded assertion. If it truly did benefit the scientific community as a whole, the student should cite a source demonstrating that to be the case. No attribution was present. In one day, John's attitude towards school changed for the better. A boy ranked just above him kicked him in the stomach. At the end of the day John challenged the boy to a fight. Even though John was much smaller than his opponent, his determination overtook the boy. Winning the fight was still not enough. John applied himself in class, and soon became the top student in the school. 1. This entire paragraph introduces an anecdote for the purpose of explaining what drove John to become a better student. Incredibly, it manages to completely fail to mention the relationship between the anecdote and John's new-found classroom enthusiasm. The relationship is implied and the reader can guess that John wished to beat the boy in more than just a physical fight, and thus worked hard to outrank the boy in the classroom, but that is not stated. 2. The paragraph is very choppy and the sentences do not flow well. Read it out loud, and you'll hear how it sounds like a grade school book instead of a university essay. During this time, Smith constructed a water clock. He constructed the clock out of an old box. This is choppy. It could be easily combined into one sentence. Jones became began to study motion. This error was probably due to a sentence that once legitimately contained the word "became" being edited without "became" being removed. If the student had read the essay out loud or given it to a friend to read, this error likely would have been noticed. Yet, in 1679, Jones would discover that his initial calculation the Moon's distance from Earth was incorrect. Here is another example of a simple error of omission that could have been caught if the student had read the essay aloud or given it to a friend to read. The word "of" should be between "calculation" and "the." That one small error makes the entire sentence awkward and confusing. If the instructor has to reread the sentence to try to understand its meaning, the flow of the essay is interrupted. If this happens often enough in the essay, it gives an overall bad impression on what otherwise might be a very good paper in terms of research.

More examples of errors that could have been caught if the students had bothered to read their essay: According to hi diary... One of Smith's main contribution was his use of... Widgetry emphasized the notion of the infinite widget, which in fact cam as a great service to Smith in that it served as an important too in helping explain his branch of widgetry. Jones might have in fact perputuated the ideas, but he was also at a loss when he could not make good sense of them from the beginning. Admiration for Smith grew in the filed of widgetry. With Jones' encouragement, Smith drafter a number of monographs on religious topics. Smith considers out universe to be a gravitational system... On August 10, 1777, Jones was ent a letter from... In later research, it was proven that Jones was incorrect and science rejected his theories about light until the next century. Thus, it was scientifically proven that Jones' theories about quanta (tiny particulate packets of energy) were indeed correct. The wave formulation was also correct. 1. When was this "later research?" Who performed the research? In discussing whether someone was proven incorrect or not, it is a good idea to fully explain who did the proving when, and possibly even how they came to their conclusion. 2. These sentences contradict each other. Was Jones proven incorrect or correct? Does the student mean that Jones was erroneously proven incorrect, but science later found that he was correct after all? Or was Jones correct about some things and not others? 3. The use of "Thus" implies causality. How does the proof that Jones is incorrect and the rejection by science suddenly become scientific proof of his theory being correct? Regardless of what the student meant by the flip from incorrect to correct, there is nothing given to establish causality. Regardles of whether... It's disappointing to see such sloppiness as this in an essay. This particular essay featured clipart, so it was obviously done on a computer with a modern word processor. It clearly wasn't spellchecked. Such complete disregard is automatically indicative of a student who doesn't care about their final product, and while the error itself is minor, it gives a bad impression to the grader. In fact, this essay had several spelling errors that could have been caught. That's inexcusable at the university level. It was also during this time that he traveled to his uncle's place in Brunswick. "Place" is colloquial. Use "home," "apartment," "residence" or other such appropriate word instead. Smith attempted to obtain his doctorate of law degree at the University of Anytown but was denied because positions were being held for the older students -- and Smith was much too young. Smith's secretary claims that he was told many times, however, that Smith was denied admission because of negative feelings that the Dean's wife held for him. 1. Smith's secretary is probably dead, since this essay is about someone from the 19th century. Therefore, they no longer claim anything. It should be past tense. 2. Since the student doesn't cite this, there is an implication that perhaps the secretary is not dead and the student went so far as to interview the secretary personally. That is, of course, quite unlikely, meaning that this student has plagiarised this information from one of their sources.

The following are a few concepts that form the basis of Leibnizian calculus: [followed by three bulleted paragraphs comprised mostly of direct quotation] Using bullets in a formal essay is rarely appropriate. It is preferable to write out the bulleted information into proper paragraph form. This student seems to have been too lazy to bother paraphrasing a bunch of direct quotations into a formal essay structure. Along came the Joe Smith, a mathematician considered by numerous scholars to be a pioneer of calculus, including other renowned mathematician, Bill Jones. 1. "The" Joe Smith? There has only been one? 2. The student means "another," not "other." Sloppy. The first page of the essay starts with: have been developed (5). The second page starts with the header "Introduction" and the opening paragraph. Clearly, the student stapled the pages out of order. What a sloppy mistake! Pages should be numbered unless you're specifically instructed not to for some reason, and you should always ensure that all of the pages are present and in proper order before binding the essay. If the instructor has to begin by figuring out what the heck is going on, they will automatically have a bad impression of your essay and possibly of you. Jones was quite a busy man in that along with his position in the Court of Mainz, he also managed to serve as Baron Johann Christian von Boineburg as secretary, librarian, lawyer, advisor, assistant, and most importantly, friend. 1. "Quite a busy man" is a bit colloquial. "A busy man" would do. 2. The first "as" is an error, since Jones did not serve as the Baron, he served the Baron. This may have been caught if the student had read their essay out loud. Several Errors Combined His "Chummy," Bill Jones, who Smith shared a room with until his resignation from this fellowship in 1683. 1. "Chummy" should only be included if it was Smith's actual word for Jones. If this is the case, it is a quotation from a source and should be cited. If not, it is colloquial and should just say "His friend Bill Jones..." 2. "Who" should be "whom" in this case. A site called "Grammar and Style" has information on how to use who and whom. 3. This isn't even a complete sentence. Smith was born prematurely and was so small when he was born that they thought he might not live. 1. Repeating that he was born is redundant. 2. Who does "they" refer to? Doctors? Parents? Relatives? Townsfolk? It is a pronoun without an antecedent. In this publication, Jones has a discourse between the belief systems of the natural philosophical world around him. 1. "Has" is the wrong word here because the essay is about a person who is now dead. Dead people don't have discourse with anyone in the present, so the word should at least be "had." But even "had" is awkward, and a better word would be "wrote." 2. "Discourse" means to converse, especially orally. One does not speak orally in a publication. It is written. This word should be omitted. 3. "Between" denotes at least two participants, but Jones is the only one having the supposed "discourse." This too should be omitted.

4. "Natural philosophical world" is confusing. Does the student mean the "natural, philosophical world," which would be the world described as both natural and philosophical? Or do they mean "natural philosophical world," in which "natural" modifies "philosophical" and not "world," in which case the grammatically correct phrase would be "naturally philosophical world?" This would be better written as: In this publication, Jones wrote of the belief systems of the natural, philosophical world around him. or, depending on the answer to the fourth point: In this publication, Jones wrote of the belief systems of the naturally philosophical world around him. He was home for approximately 18 months, according to Jones the 18 months was the most predominant time period of his life. 1. This is a run-on sentence. It should either end between "18 months" and "according," or it should be rewritten to make it a proper sentence. 2. "18 months" is repeated for no reason. 3. "18 months" is plural, so it should be "18 months were" not "18 months was." 4. "Predominant" means superior especially in power or numbers. Something cannot be "most superior." "Most" should be omitted. 5. "Predominant" is not the best word in this case anyway. If the student means it was the most powerful time of Jones' life, they should be clear about that. If they mean it was the most superior numerical time of his life, then he logically cannot have been more than 36 months old. Simpson was content after his ability to reproduce Smith's experiment. Jones was not that easy, the two men fought constantly. 1. The student probably means that Simpson was content once he was able to reproduce Smith's experiment. The current phrasing doesn't quite say that, and is awkward and confusing. 2. Jones was "not that easy" to what? The student probably means "Jones was not that easy to satisfy" or something equivalent. 3. This is a run-on sentence. It should end after "easy," or be rewritten to be grammatically correct. 4. Which two men? Simpson and Jones or Smith and Jones? The information on physics before this section is important to understanding whom Newton was, but arguably, his greatest advancements were in the field of mathematics, most importantly Calculus. 1. Incorrect use of "whom." Should be "who." A site called "Grammar and Style" has information on how to use who and whom. 2. There should not be a comma between "arguably" and "his." 3. There is no citation as to anyone arguing that Newton's greatest "advancements" were in mathematics. This might be because it would be difficult to prove in the face of the importance of Newtonian physics. 4. "Advancements" is probably the wrong word. "Achievements" or "discoveries" would be better. Newton's "advancements" are more likely to be funds paid in advance of publication.

5. The addition of "most importantly" is awkward. "Particularly" would have been a better word. 6. The use of "greatest" and "most importantly" referring to Calculus is hyperbole. Given that this essay was for a Calculus class, it sounds like a kiss-up. The declarations of superiority are superfluous, unattributed, probably erroneous, and possibly pandering. It's all very ugly. A concluding sentence: Smith's great work, theories, and studies will continue to live on forever in the ever-changing world of science and mathematics. 1. How can the student know that Smith's work will "live on" forever? That's an impossible assertion to make. 2. Work, theories and studies don't "live." They exist, but they are not organic creatures. 3. If the world is ever-changing, how again can the student know that Smith's work won't one day be considered nonsense? Or lost entirely? 4. "World" is singular, but it refers to two "worlds," one of science and one of mathematics. 5. This conclusion reeks of hyperbole. (So does the phrase "reeks of hyperbole," but this is not a formal essay.) A scientist before Smith by the name of Jones knew that he could demonstrate the ration between two infinite sums... 1. The phrasing here is a bit awkward. It would be better phrased: "Jones, a predecessor of Smith, knew that..." 2. "Ration" is the wrong word. The student meant "ratio." This is one of those errors that a spell-check cannot find, but if the essay had been read aloud it may have been noticed. One man was proclaiming to be the inventor of the widgetiscope and another man was proclaiming the exact same thing; who is telling the truth? 1. The main problem here is the change in tense. You can't go from "was" to "is" if the subject remains fixed in time. Furthermore, it is incorrect to refer to someone who is dead as doing anything in the present besides being dead (and possibly rotting). A dead person is not telling anything right now, but they were in the past. 2. Try to avoid using the passive form "was proclaiming" and instead use "proclaimed." 3. This particular statement is also bad because of the subject matter. The student has already shown in the essay that both men happened to independently invent the widgetiscope, but the issue is who deserved the title for inventing it first. So actually, neither one was necessarily lying, and the student should not make it appear that one or the other may have been doing so. You must be careful not to libel people. 4. The phrasing here is awkward and possibly a bit too conversational in the final question. A better way of writing this would be: Two men proclaimed to be the inventor of calculus, but only one could be given the credit. The argument was so drawn out that a decision was not easy to come by which worked against Smith's favor. Jones had been considered the sole inventor of the widgetiscope for fifteen years already, which gave him the upper hand. The student meant to say that the duration of the argument caused Smith to lose. But because the student failed to put the necessary comma between the bolded words, this sentence actually says, by means of a complicated string of multiple negatives, that it was not easy to come to a decision against Smith, meaning he won. This sentence would be better worded this way:

Because the argument took so long, Smith lost. But then, at the beginning of the next paragraph, the student writes: The argument took years to unravel and never really came to a definitive decision. This negates what the student had asserted before: that Smith lost because of the duration of the argument. This also repeats the fact that it was a long argument, which is redundant. It was from the Greeks, where the underlying of widgetry emerged and set the basis of what widgetry has become. 1. The Greeks are a people, not a place, so things come from "whom," not "where." 2. The comma in this sentence should not be there. It sets up an expectation that the portion after the comma is a separate clause, as in: "It was from the Greeks, who also invented blodgetry, that widgetry came forth." Note that because the "who" is in the separate clause, it should not be "whom." 3. The underlying what? You can't just say the underlying of widgetry. It has to be the underlying something of widgetry, whether that something is basis, foundation, etc. Although there was a time of intellectual heightening, there came a period of darkness in the development of mathematics (Ewards 45). 1. "Intellectual heightening" is an icky, awkward phrase. "Intellectual development" would have been much better. 2. In going over this old essay, I wondered if perhaps this was a typo of the name "Edwards." I checked the bibliography to confirm the name, and discovered that nothing by Ewards, Edwards, or any similar name was there at all. Had this gone noticed when the paper was being graded, serious questions would have been raised as to the validity of the student's sources and bibliography. Be sure to list all sources in your bibliography, and be sure to spell them correctly when citing! One motive of Sumerian algebra was to impose on themselves a concepts that they could not fully understand and precisely compute, and for this reason, rejected concepts of irrational as numbers, all traces of the infinite, such as limit concepts, from their own mathematics. 1. "Motive" applies to "Sumerian algebra," not "Sumerians." Therefore, that motive cannot be imposed on "themselves." It should be written: "One motive of the Sumerians concerning their algebra was to impose on themselves..." although that is still an awkward phrase. 2. "Concepts" should not be plural. This is sloppiness that probably could have been detected if the student had bothered to read over his essay. 3. The sentence should end after "compute." A new sentence should begin, "For this reason..." 4. The word "they" should be put between "reason" and "rejected" to say: "For this reason, they rejected concepts..." 5. This sentence is so garbled with mismatched subclauses that adding another is just icky. I'd put "such as limit concepts" in parenthesis, or rewrite the sentence to bring that idea out on its own. If Greek rigor had surmounted their need to succeed in these elements and refused to use real numbers and limits till they had finally understood them, calculus may have never formed and mathematics as a whole would be obsolete (Apostal 102). 1. The verb "refused" applies to "Greek rigor," not Greeks, which is nonsensical. Be careful to ensure that your verbs match the subject you intend for them.

2. Don't use "till" when you mean "until." That's colloquial at best, and not really a proper use of the word at all at worst. 3. The proper phrase is "have never been formed." To say something never formed begs the question: What didn't it form? 4. Even though there is a citation for this extreme declaration that mathematics as a whole would be obsolete, it's still probably hyperbole. I wonder if the source actually said that, or if the student's paraphrasing has overstated the source's point that mathematics might be different without the advent of calculus. Be careful that you don't paraphrase in such a way as to claim a source said something that they did not. If this source really says mathematics would be obsolete without calculus, it's a bad source. Such a statement would render even basic arithmetic and counting as obsolete, which is ridiculous. Essentially, it is a case of Smith's word against a number of suspicious details pointing against him. He acknowledged possession of a copy of part of one of Jones' manuscripts, on more than one occasion he deliberately altered or added to important documents before publishing them, and a material date I none of his manuscripts had been falsified (1675 had been changed to 1673)(Bogus, 78) 1. "Essentially" isn't technically incorrect here, but students do have a tendency to use words like "essentially" and "basically" too often. It's somewhat conversational, and possibly colloquial. Try to avoid it unless something is truly essential. 2. "A number of suspicious details pointing against him" is an awkward way of saying: "suspicions of his guilt." But what the student means is not suspicions, but points of evidence. 3. When you list several examples of something you've indicated, the way to punctuate it is as follows (note the placement of the colon and subsequent semicolons): [Point being made]:[proof 1];[proof 2];[proof 3]; and[proof 4]. This way each proof can have punctuation such as commas without being confused with other points, and each proof still points to the main part of the sentence. 4. The "a material date I none of" doesn't seem to make sense at all. I think the whole thing is there in error, but for all I know the student was trying to say something different. I can't believe the student read this over and found it comprehensible. 5. The parenthetical comment is important enough to be in the sentence properly. The student likely put the information in parentheses because the sentence was too awkwardly full of commas and clauses already. Had the student properly punctuated the list of evidence, they would have been able to put this date information in as part of a proof segment. 6. The sentence has no period, which is sloppy. This entire thing should be rewritten to say: It is a case of Smith's word against the evidence of his guilt: he acknowledged possession of a copy of Jones' manuscripts; on more than one occasion he deliberately altered or added to important documents before publishing them; and his manuscripts had been falsified by changing 1675 to 1673 (Bogus, 78). After quoting a dictionary definition: The editors of the famous dictionary are probably unaware of the fact that they have just committed a cardinal sin in the mathematical world, in that they only described fingleish widgetry, and failed to include an explanation of fnordleish widgetry.

1. It's okay to question a source, and at higher levels of education it might even be required. But if you're going to do it, be careful to do it well and with evidence. This just sounds presumptuous. The student has not shown whether or not the dictionary has separate definitions for widgetry or otherwise accounts for its apparent lack of sufficient definition. 2. Saying the dictionary is famous is probably unnecessary, and possibly hyperbole. 3. A "cardinal sin" is a sin of fundamental importance. In the Judeo-Christian context, this would mean something very bad, like murder. Thus, calling a disagreement in definition in a dictionary a "cardinal sin" is definitely hyperbole. 4. Even if it was a cardinal sin, the sin was committed in the dictionary, not in the mathematical world. The student meant "against the mathematical world." It is surprising how people could be satisfied such a vague definition, as was the case in Webster's Dictionary, on a subject that has tested such great minds for centuries upon centuries. 1. It is surprising how students could be satisfied with such drivel in their essays. That sounds nasty, doesn't it? That's because it is. Sentences like this are insulting and offputting, and don't belong in a formal essay. 2. "Such great minds" requires an example. The word "such" should be omitted. 3. "Centuries upon centuries" is redundant. Just say centuries and leave it at that. Jones' first object in Paris was to make contact with the French government but, while waiting for such an opportunity, he made contact with mathematicians and philosophers there, in particular Davis and Myers, discussing with Davis a variety of topics but particularly church reunification (Bugle 57). 1. An "object" is a thing. The student means "Jones' first objective..." 2. This is a bad run-on. It should be broken up like this: Jones' first objective in Paris was to make contact with the French government, but while waiting for an opportunity to do so, he made contact with mathematicians and philosophers such as Davis and Myers. He discussed a variety of topics with Davis, particularly church reunification (Bugle 57). Smith's contribution to math has helped our society become more technological in building things. 1. In this particular case, Smith made many contributions, not just one. 2. "Math" is the colloquial version of "mathematics." 3. Did Smith's contributions only help "our society?" What about other societies? 4. "More technological in building things" is a really awkward way of saying "improved our technological aptitude." Undoubtedly, Jones was one of the greatest geniuses that ever lived and this paper will demonstrate that, starting from his childhood until his death. 1. Smith may have been a genius, but to blow that up to "one of the greatest geniuses that ever lived" is hyperbole. Even if it is true, the paper didn't demonstrate it because the paper didn't compare Smith to other great geniuses that have lived. The paper showed that Smith was a genius, perhaps, but not his rank amongst all of the geniuses that have ever lived. 2. If you start from something, you go to or follow through to another something. The phrase "starting from his childhood until his death" actually means you're starting from the section of time inclusively between his childhood and death and not saying where

you're going. Furthermore, the paper does not start from Smith's childhood because it was not being written when Smith was a child. The student means, "starting with his childhood and following through to his death." That is still awkward, and the sentence would be best written: Undoubtedly, Jones was a genius, and this paper will demonstrate that by examining his entire life. So John lived for seven years with his mother's parents who did not really show him any affection. 1. "So" in this context is colloquial and should be omitted. 2. This really should be cited. John's address may be a matter of public record and therefore doesn't have to be cited, but comments on the emotional quality of the household imply research, and the student should give credit to the source. 3. "Really" is colloquial, and should be omitted. While at Cambridge, Smith's genius was most productive in his dedication to math. 1. Who is Smith's genius? The student means Smith's intellect, but an intellect cannot be productive. It facilitates productivity, but it is not productive itself. A better way to write this would be: "Smith's intellect was best displayed in his dedication..." 2. "Math" is colloquial. It should be "mathematics." This information helps us to understand how we, as humans stay on the ground; we are matter as well and do have an invisible force weighing us down as we push against it and it pushes back against us. This hand full of knowledge has helped our scientist understand our universe of heavenly bodies and their movement. It has also allowed scientist to delve further in exploring our galaxy. 1. Does gravity only affect humans? Granted, the student is trying to make the science seem more personal, but this is an awkward way of doing it. It is also something that seems to indicate an essay geared to children. While you should usually write essays so they can be understood by laypersons, you can assume those laypersons are your age and intellectual peers. 2. The description of the invisible force is very awkward. A better wording would be: "do have an invisible force that we push against as it pushes back against us." Gravity does not, in fact, weigh people down. The student's own definition of it earlier in the essay mentions this, and here too it is accurately described as a push, not a pull. To add in the bit about it weighing us down is contradictory. 3. The student means "handful." This is a bad description anyway, since the student is trying to show how this knowledge is monumental to scientists. 4. Both instances of "scientist" should be pluralized. 5. One delves further into something, not in it. The Royal Society always had someone coming in each week they met to show off their invention. 1. "Always had someone coming in" is colloquial and awkward. It should say: "The Royal Society hosted a guest each week..." 2. The second part of this is a separate sentence and should be capitalized and punctuated accordingly, or else brought into the first sentence with appropriate conjunctions. 3. "Show off" is colloquial. "Demonstrate" would be better. 4. Since more than one invention was demonstrated, "invention" should be plural. A concluding paragraph:

Jones was a great man who made an impact in all of our lives. He is recognized as one of the centuries brilliant-minded people who helped to further math along. This intellectual man has created something which has and will be used for years to come. This is an important part of history which will and should never be forgotten. 1. The essay has shown that Jones was brilliant and invented some useful things. It has not, however, demonstrated that he was a "great man." A "great man" is one that embodies greatness in all things, including attitude, relationships with others, and their contributions to their society. Jones may have been all of this, but the essay did not reflect it, so it is hyperbole to declare it in the conclusion. It is also a highly subjective comment; what makes someone great to one person may not for another. 2. "Centuries" is the plural of "century," not the possessive. The student means "century's." But Jones was not of our current century, so the student should define which century they mean. 3. Impacts are made on, not in. 4. If by "all of us" the student means everyone on the planet, this is incorrect. Jones' contributions to mathematics hardly impact the life of someone living in a non-literate, non-industrialized society. Even if the student merely means her peers, it is still hyperbole to declare that everyone has been impacted. 5. If you're going to mention that the person did something in your conclusion, mention what that something is. 6. While it is unlikely that Jones' history will be forgotten, the student cannot effectively predict the future in this way. Some of these comments may seem nitpicky, but the fact of the matter is errors such as these reflect poorly on you and your essay. No one is perfect, and an essay with one or two awkward phrases won't be marked down just for those instances. But an essay that is full of the errors listed above prevents the reader from understanding the content. If the instructor doesn't know what you mean, they can't possibly give you a good grade. ADMISSION ESSAY WRITING TIPS Updated on Thursday 30 September 2010 It may be only 500 words, but the admissions essay portion of a college application can mean the difference between acceptance and rejection. How you write your personal essay shows the admissions committee why you are different from everybody else. It provides information about you that test scores, grades, and extracurricular pursuits just cannot. You can use the essay to describe a favorite activity, to tell a story about yourself, or even a story about your dog, but make sure to really use it -- in a way that captures the readers attention and shows that you are exceptional. Step One - Brainstorming the Essay You should expect to devote about one to two weeks simply thinking up possible essay subjects. From this process of brainstorming, you may find a topic you had not thought of at first. Here are some questions to consider: What Are You Like?

1. What is your strongest personality trait? Does any attribute, quality, or skill distinguish you from everyone else? How did you develop this attribute? 2. How would your friends characterize you? What would they write about if they were writing your admissions essay for you? 3. Consider your favorite books, movies, works of art, etc. Have these influenced your life in a meaningful way? Why are they your favorites? 4. Have you experienced a moment of epiphany, as if your eyes were opened to something to which you were previously blind? What Have You Done? 1. What are your major accomplishments, and why do you consider them accomplishments? 2. What have you done outside of the classroom that demonstrates qualities sought after by universities? Of these, which means the most to you? 3. Have you ever struggled mightily for something and succeeded? What made you successful? Have you ever struggled mightily for something and failed? How did you respond? 4. What was the most difficult time in your life, and why? How did your perspective on life change as a result of the difficulty? Where Do You Want to Go? 1. Of everything in the world, what would you most like to be doing right now? Where would you most like to be? Who, of everyone living and dead, would you most like to be with? 2. What are your dreams of the future? When you look back on your life in thirty years, what would it take for you to consider your life successful? 3. How does this particular university fit into your plans for the future? Why do you want to spend two to six years of your life at a particular school?
Step Two - Selecting an Essay Topic As these thoughts start to solidify into an essay topic, think about execution. What sounded like a good idea might prove impossible in the writing. Most importantly, think of how you can make the subject matter original. Even seemingly boring essay topics can sound interesting if creatively approached. With an essay question in mind, think over the following questions:

1. Will your topic only repeat information listed elsewhere on your application? If so, pick a new topic. Don't mention GPAs or standardized test scores in your essay. 2. Can you offer vivid supporting paragraphs to your essay topic? If you cannot easily think of supporting paragraphs with concrete examples, you should probably choose a different essay topic. 3. Will an admissions officer remember your topic after a day of reading hundreds of essays? What will the officer remember about your topic? What will the officer remember about you? What will your lasting impression be? Choose a Story The best essays tell a story about the applicant. The essay does not have to be the story of your whole life, but rather a small glimpse of it, one that is rich with meaning and alive with imagery. It often helps to think about the impact that past events have had on you. In one admissions essay written by a student who was accepted to Harvard, Princeton, Dartmouth, and Stanford, an ordinary story is told in a unique and captivating way. In this narrative about hiking up a

mountain, the student also conveys a deep appreciation for science, as well as a dedication to the hard work required to fully understand the universe: 1. Although the first few miles of the hike up Mt. Madison did not offer fantastic views, the vistas became spectacular once I climbed above tree line. Immediately, I sensed that understanding the natural world parallels climbing a mountain. Much like every step while hiking leads the hiker nearer the mountain peak, all knowledge leads the scientist nearer total understanding. Entitled "Hiking to Understanding," this essay tells the story of one hike, but at the same time, gives a complete idea of the authors values, interests, and philosophy. Thus, the essay presents run-of-the-mill subject matter in an out-of-the-ordinary way. Step Three: Writing the Essay You must bear in mind your two goals: to persuade the admissions officer that you are extremely worthy of admission and to make the admissions officer aware that you are more than a GPA and a standardized score, that you are a real-life, intriguing personality. But before you can convince an admissions officer of this, you must first grab his or her attention. The Introduction Most admissions officers spend at most 2 minutes reading your essay. With this reality in mind, spend the most time on your introduction. One technique is to create mystery or intrigue in this first paragraph. At the very least, you should not give away the whole story right at the beginning. Give the admissions officer a reason to keep reading. As an example, the first sentence of the "Hiking" essay reads as follows: 1. Surrounded by thousands of stars, complete silence, and spectacular mountains, I stood atop New Hampshire's Presidential Range awestruck by nature's beauty. This first sentence sets the mood for the essay, it draws the reader into the scene, but it does not state the authors argument or even the plot of the story to follow. The reader has to continue reading in order to learn what happens next. The Body After the first paragraph has been perfected, you must ensure that the body paragraphs relate to the introduction. It helps to have a theme or phrase that runs throughout the entire essay. In "Hiking to Understanding," the author uses the mountain as a unifying image: 1. Some people during their lives climb many small hills. However, to have the most accurate view of the world, I must be dedicated to climbing the biggest mountains I can find. Too often people simply hike across a flat valley without ascending because they content themselves with the scenery. The mountain showed me that I cannot content myself with the scenery. Also notice that the author uses simple language. Many students think that big words make good essays, but powerful ideas are often best expressed in simple and elegant prose. Another way to impress an admissions officer is by using specific examples and evocative touches of imagery that stay clear of cliches. The application essay lends itself to imagery, since the entire essay requires your experiences as supporting details. Successful essays stick to the mantra, "show, don't tell." Here's one example from the "Hiking" essay:

1. When night fell upon the summit, I stared at the slowly appearing stars until they completely filled the night sky. Despite the windy conditions and below freezing temperatures, I could not tear myself away. This passage shows how description of the stars and cold can make us both imagine the scenery and understand the authors point of view. It tells us what the author feels and thinks, more so than if the author had spelled it out for us. Finishing Up The conclusion is your last chance to persuade the reader or impress upon them your qualifications. Expand upon the broader implications of your discussion. The "Hiking" essay does this successfully, both expanding on the description of the scene as well as on the scenes meaning for the author: 1. When observing Saturn's rising, the Milky Way Cloud, and the Perseid meteor shower, I simultaneously felt a great sense of insignificance and purpose. Obviously, earthly concerns are insignificant to the rest of the universe. However, I experienced the overriding need to understand the origins and causes of these phenomena. Don't be surprised if the writing process takes many days. Few writers can dash out a quality essay in just a few sittings. It takes awhile to find the perfect structure, wording, and imagery. If you have the time, spend a week away from your draft; when you return to it, you will read it with fresh eyes. Ask friends and family for help. Other readers will find small mistakes that your brain has ceased to recognize, and they will answer the essential question, "what makes this essay memorable?" 15 Ways to Score Higher in Your College Entrance Exams When ones future depends on the quality of education that he gets, there are a number of ways with which you can ensure a high score in your college entrance exam, explains Rossana Llenado, president of AHEAD Tutorial and Review Center. Here are just some of them: Before the test 1) Review the various subjects included in the exams. 2) Psyche yourself up so that you can perform well under pressure. 3) Visit the venue so that you wont be stressed looking for it on the day of the test. 4) Prepare your clothes the night before. Dont wear new clothes or shoes because they might turn out to be uncomfortable. You wouldnt want to be distracted by a constantly itching back or a throbbing foot while taking one of the most important tests in your life. 5) Dont sleep too early or too late the night before. On the day of the test 6) Wear comfortable clothes and shoes. No miniskirts, plunging necklines, or cropped tops. Avoid tight jeans and high heels as well. 7) Dont drink milk, especially if you are lactose intolerant; you run the risk of getting an upset stomach. 8) Dont eat anything too heavy; it can slow down your mental functions. Snacks must be ready-to-eat. Dont bring anything messy, anything that has to be peeled or will require washing

of hands, anything that has a strong odor or makes too much noise when eaten. 9) Make sure you are at the testing center 30 minutes before the exam. This will give you time to relax before plunging into a long and arduous experience. 10) Find out where the restrooms are so you dont waste time looking for them. 11) Read and follow instructions carefully. Listen to the proctor intently as he gives instructions. 12) Dont spend too much time on one item. Skip difficult items and go back to them only when you have time left to do so. 13) Dont leave the room until you are finished or the time is upeven if you are the only one left in the room. Dont get intimidated by the speed of other examinees. 14) If you are finished and there is still time, review your answers and go back to items that youve initially skipped. 15) Be confident that youll make it. How to Improve Your Memory Whether you are an honor student preparing for tomorrows graded recitation, a high school senior reviewing for your college entrance exams, or a college sophomore failing in Chemistry, memory plays a big role in your academic life as success boils down to effectively retaining memory. This is the ability to store information, which you can effectively recall later on. Short-term vs. long-term memory Heres how our brain works. Information first enters the brain through our senses. If you are paying attention, the data will enter your short-term memory. This covers what holds your focus at any given moment. Unfortunately, a big chunk of anything stored in your short-term memory will be lost in 24 hours. But if you keep processing that information, it will be transferred to your long-term memory, which is more or less permanent. This is why cramming is not effective. You process all that information in one shot, relegating everything to your short-term memory. Cramming vs. regularly reviewing Countless studies on human memory show that youll only be able to recall 19 percent of the information you picked up today after a month. Thus, if you want a better academic life, you must process information into your long-term memory. This, you can do by reviewing regularly to keep the information fresh and familiar. The more frequent you go over your stuff, the more efficiently you will be at storing and accessing over time. Result vs. process Suffice it to say that it is difficult to process and retain a large amount of information at a short length of time. According to Francis Abao, a full-time tutor at Ahead Tutorial and Review Centers Megamall branch, the secret is focusing on the process and not on what you are planning to get out of it. Dont focus on the result; focus more on the process. As a tutor, I basically share a way of understanding the subject. He adds, If you know a way to factor in the learning that is easier than what was previously taught to them, then you share that. Its another way of looking at the problem or lesson thats much simpler. The bottomline is that you understand the item being discussed, and then you can get good results.

Indeed, there are two ways to improve memory: learning through repetition and learning through understanding. You can use a combination of both methods for better results. While you can accomplish the first method via frequent review, you can manage the second by asking someone more knowledgeable to help you out. Getting help vs. winging it While you can always approach a friendly teacher or a smart classmate to help you in subjects youre having difficulty in, you can seek the assistance of professionals from a review and tutorial centers like AHEAD. The important thing is to get someone to help you understand and master the material. The same holds true when reviewing for important exams like the UPCAT or the ACET. If you dont want to cram, periodic and regular reviews are only possible if you start early. --END---Plan B What to do when you fail your college entrance exam So OK, you failed. You took the college entrance exam of the school of your choice but then, you failed. We know that you must feel miserable right now but life goes on. Take a hold of yourself. Dust yourself off. Pick yourself up, and move on. It may seem like you have nowhere else to go, but this is just a temporary setback. You are not the only one going through this predicament. Every year, a huge chunk of the student population is confronted with the same disappointment. Rather than sulk, seize the opportunity to explore other options. 1 Take a break A break in between high school and college? This might strike some people as unconventional wisdom, but there are times when a break is needed. A breather, or what is more commonly known as a gap year, is a brief pause from the usual pace of student life. It brings a muchneeded respite from the daily grind of school and will allow you time to recharge before returning to the classroom with renewed enthusiasm and a fresh perspective. The harried student is stressed, without a clear direction and lacking the proper drive and motivation. If you need to take a break, discuss it with your parents. It worked with other students; it might work for you. 2 Explore your hobbies The learning process never stops. Enrichment activities abound for adventurous and voracious learners. Look for those where you can apply your skills and talents. You may also pursue other interests that may have been dormant all these years like music, sports, art, or language. The goal is to develop and hone other aspects of yourself, pursue neglected interests, and catch up on unfulfilled dreams. 3 Keep an open mind

A break is also a good time to examine yourselfyour strengths, weaknesses, expectations, and aspirations. Are they still relevant? Do they still hold true? You owe yourself the chance to see things from a fresh perspective, and examine possibilities you may have overlooked or dismissed before. Keep an open mind as far as your self-development is concerned. A potential will always remain just thata potentialunless it is nurtured and bears fruit. You will never know if you have the aptitude or talent for something if you wont give it a try. 4 Prepare for a rematch Whether this entrance exam is your first or second attempt, give it your best shot. Wise students enlist themselves in professional sessions offered by tutorial and review centers all over the country. Just as seasoned athletes hunt for the best trainers, the prudent way is to check out tutorial centers with a proven track record. These ubiquitous review centers are testimonies to the fact that parents are willing to invest more in the education of their children. Their services can fill the gap where you may be inadequate or lacking in mastery of a certain lesson or subject. AHEAD Tutorial and Review Center has introduced patterned review courses, a program that is tailored to the specific requirements of each university. It customizes the students preparation towards specific schools and their respective entrance examinations. Just like a boxer, you train uniquely for a particular opponent. The vast majority of students who go the extra mile reap the benefits. They are drilled in simulated exams that mimic the actual admission tests administered by different colleges. The result: higher scores, passing rates and, certainly, happier students. AHEAD boasts of an 85 percent passing rate for the UPCAT, ACET and DLSUCET. 5 Get a job While reviewing and preparing for another shot at an entrance test, there is always the possibility of getting legitimate employment. You have a lot of free time so you might as well put it to good use. At this point in your life, earning money is not so much about how big the salary is, its about the satisfaction and fulfillment when you receive your paycheck. There are many part-time or project-based jobs that you can try, which can serve as good motivators for personal advancement. It will also make you realize the importance of a college education. Theres a whole world out there with numerous and exciting possibilities. Dont let one failure get you down. Chin up! Soldier on! Good luck! --END---How to Review for Your College Entrance Exam With or without a review center, success at the college entrance exams will depend a lot on the

student himself. Some will find the UPCAT a breeze; others challenging. Malu Rule, who supervises the college entrance programs of a review center in San Juan, has several tips for testtakers. Months before the exam. . . 1) Inquire about the coverage of the exam and review the subject matters covered. 2) Look for a review center that offers patterned programs designed specifically for the admission test of a certain school. This is important because every school gives a different type of exam in terms of coverage, level of difficulty, and format. 3) It is not how long you review that counts; what matters is that you go through the topics most likely to be covered in the exam. 4) Read. Certainly, bits of information will be retained in your memory. They may come in handy during the exam. 5) Visit the exam venue. Familiarize yourself with the place so that you will be a bit relaxed during the actual examination. Look for the nearest washroom. 6) Seek the emotional support of family and friends. 7) Pray. It really works! The night before the exam . . . 1) Prepare your bag. It must contain at least six sharpened pencils with erasers, a pen, a sharpener, a small ruler, your test permit, ID, a jacket, a hand fan, and the right kind of snacks and drinks if allowed. 2) Wear an easy-to-read wristwatch (without a calculator function since it will be disallowed) for you to use while taking the exam. Use it to budget your time when answering the test questions.
3) Prepare your clothes and shoes. Choose your most comfortable outfit. Do not wear

anything new. 4) Do not eat anything that you are allergic to or anything that can give you indigestion. 5) Do not sleep too late or too early. 6) Do not study 24 hours before the exam except to glance occasionally at your notes. You have to psyche yourself up; prepare your physical and mental self. Relax. On the day of the exam. . . 1) Check if you have everything you need for the exam. 2) Be at the venue at least 30 minutes before the exam so that you are not tense or anxious during the exam. 3) Just before the exam starts, go to the washroom so that you need not go while the exam is in progress. 4) Make yourself comfortable during the exam. Sit properly and relax. 5) --END----