Bhakta: My friend comes with me, she wants your blessings. Bhaktas Friend: Aya, I want your blessings.

Aya: Daughter, what is there for me to bless you? I am also a child of the Iraivan, just like everyone else. Its blessings are always there for you. Turn your mind towards it. Friend: Its my birthday today. I thought I can get blessings from you. Aya: Then you too give me your blessings. (Aya reaches to her feet) Friend: Hah...how can that be so? I'm not a realized saint. I should seek from you, not the other way round. Aya: The Self that is already in you is the same Self that is in me and everyone else. Where then is the difference? Friend: But I don't know the Self. Aya: How don't you know it? You already are it. How can you not know it? Friend: But I don't feel that I've realized. Aya: Can you gain something which you are not? You are already the Self. You don't have to imagine yourself or do anything to know it. Just remove the non-Self and the Self will shine through. Friend: Remove the non-self? Aya: Yes, now tell me, who are you? Friend: I am an Amma devotee. Aya: No, what I mean is who are you? Friend: I'm a woman. Aya: That is only your physical body. Now who is it who asks these questions and seeks the blessings? Is it the body or the Self in the body? Friend: It is the Self in the body. Aya: So in dhyanam be as the Self without associating with anything else and you will soon know the truth. Friend: You mean I should be aware of my mind?

Aya: Be as the Self who is aware of the mind. Listen, of all thoughts the "I" thought is paramount. All thoughts and things that you are aware of have meaning due to being associated with the "I". It is the "I" who has sought the blessings. It is the same "I" who says it is the devotee of Amma. But the simple thing is that if one remains as the "I" without being associated with anything, realization of Iraivan will soon follow. So in dhyanam be in the silence of "I". The truth will shine through. Friend: I might fall asleep. Aya: Sleep is only for the mind. It is not for the Self. The "I" which is a reflection of the Self is the child of the Iraivan. Be aware of this. Though it appears simple, it is the most difficult to do. For the mind will chatter, it will think of this and that. However so, one must try. One must have firm conviction that one is the deathless Self. If one feels one is bound, one will remain bound. It is the Amma who blesses you. If this direct attempt of turning ones attention to the I cannot be achieved, then one must gain strength of mind by japam on the name of Iraivan. This japam will mature into dhyanam. Without doing japam one cannot gain strength in dhyanam. For dhyanam is being singular in thought. The highest dhyanam is holding to the I alone exclusive to everything. Then soon the I will fall and the Self which is the Iraian will shine through. Friend: Is the "I" Iraivan? Aya: The "I" is the reflection of the Iraivan. It is the jivatma. The I is the reflection of the Self in the mind. Bhakta: This dhyanam you said, that which involves being as I, does it involve telling oneself I, or using this as a mantram. Aya: Haha, no, noit is the being as the one who is aware. It is arrived through enquiry and thereafter one stays as the enquirer without any effort or actions. It is remaining in silence. Bhakta: You mean one must close the ears. Aya: No, it means the internal chatter must stop. It means being in silence. Bhakta: Hahthen one will fall asleep. Aya: Yes, it is the deep sleep which is the final veil. Words come from thought, thoughts come from mind, and mind itself comes from silence. In this silence is the fullness. Without grace of Iraivan one cannot attempt this method. One must gain strength of mind

through japam, dhyanam on the name and form of ones ishta and living according to ones conscience. Friend: What do I need to do now? Aya: Do japam on the name of Amma. Be regular in this practice. Do japam before dhyanam. As the japam matures only will dhyanam be easy. Dhyanam is a continuation of japam only. With the earnestness of japam, then only can we gain one-pointedness of mind in dhyanam. One who does not do this step is like a person who is trying to cook without putting the pot on the fire. One will be given to fits and starts in one's spiritual life. In truth the effort of dhyanam is to remove the non Self alone. The Self which is all encompassing cannot be meditated upon. Only the Self can know the Self. The buddhi which operates by light of the Self cannot know or judge the Self. Truly ones Self is non different from the Iraivan. Friend: So is one the Iraivan then? Aya: Ones Self is the Iraivan. One functions with the help of the Self. The realized saint coming down from this union with Iraivan in Samadhi sees himself and others as children of Iraivan. Until one is with the body there will appear some limitations or another. So how can one consider this limited body, the mind or the buddhi as Iraivan? As such understand what is meant by saying we are one with Iraivan. It is the Self which is meant here. Bhakta: Previously you have said that only one Self is, there are not many Selves. Aya: Yes, it is true. There is only one Iraivan, there are not many Iraivans. If there is two or three Iraivan hence one limits another. As such there cannot be two or three gods, there is one god only. Bhakta: Then is not the body, the mind and so on non-different from the Self? How then they are seen as the non-Self. Aya: It is due to Mayai. Bhakta: I dont understand. Aya: Look, in the beginning what would have been? Is it consciousness which would have existed first or nothingness? Bhakta: I think consciousness. Aya: If consciousness existed first can there appear nothingness out of it. How could emptiness occur? Bhakta: I dont know.

Aya: Likewise if nothingness existed first, can consciousness arise thereafter from it? Bhakta: No. Aya: Hence understand this truth. Only consciousness is. It is unborn and undying. It is the consciousness which knows, ahthis is empty, this is full, this is good, this is bad, this is me, this is god... Hence by tasting this pure awareness only one gets liberated. The Mayai is in this consciousness only. It is like a magic which thrives on ignorance. The body and mind stems from this ignorance only. The ignorance grows through attachment. Bhakta: How can you say such? Is not the body which I am seeing is real? Aya: It is real because its root support is the Self. But it is just as real as your dream. Bhakta: How is that? Aya: Look, in your dream also you ran, you saw, you talked with others, you cried and did a myriad of things. A person who has eaten falls asleep and dreams he has not eaten. He feels much hunger in the dream and eats. So who actually experienced the dream, who were the person one talked too, by which car did one travel in the dream? Hence understand that in the dream many things appeared apart from ones Self with which one interacted. But all appeared from ones Self only. When one wakes up all melted. One can know this only by waking up. When one is dreaming one doesnt know it is a dream. Bhakta: But I never wake up from the waking state which you term as a dream. Aya: With death this dream will pass. Listen. Yesterday you dreamt, today you will too. Upon waking up you know that you are the person who dreamt, and you might be able to recall a few dreams also. But in the dream itself you will not know you are dreaming, nor can you recall the previous dreams. It is like this also with the waking state. Only when you get liberated you can know this life as a passing dream, that this dream is made of the Self, and you can recall the previous dream births also. If not you will not be able to know. You will be continuously dreaming only. With death, you will be in darkness for a while and again like in a dream you will find yourself in a new body and surroundings which makes perfect sense to you. As such understand that Mayai is the illusion which actually concocts forms using the one consciousness, the Self. The substance of everything is the Self. By attachment and without deep enquiry only we see separateness. Bhakta: So must we not help suffering people in the world saying it is a dream?

Aya: Just as one in the dream needed dream-food, likewise people who are seen as suffering should be helped. But they should be helped with the bhava that one is not truly giving, for one is giving the Self to the Self only. Or in another way everything is Iraivans property, so one should give help as helping ones Self. But does one behave such? One usually holds the other who one has helped to be indebted to one. Bhakta: You said the Self is always present. But in deep sleep I was not aware of anything. Aya: If truly you were naught in deep sleep, you will not say I slept soundly upon waking up. If you didnt exist and experience happiness, none will look forward to enjoying sleep. Also if one didnt exist in deep sleep, who can recall the bliss of good rest. So understand the Self which underlies the three states. Truly all joys are from the Self only. When the mind stops then the joy of the Self shines through. Bhakta: How could this be? I mean is not joy from the objects? Aya: It appears such. But in truth it is when the mind which subsides and falls silent that the joy thereafter appears. However so one falsely attributes this joy to the objects. Bhakta: I do not understand. Aya: If happiness is from the objects, truly one will be happy whenever one gains the object, but this is not so. When one is distraught, or suffering from loss, one will not enjoy the same thing one found enjoyable before. Bhakta: As such it can be known that happiness depends on mind, but how did you say that happiness is from the Self which shines when the mind stops. Aya: Listen. If there is a person whose hands are tied and which caused him great discomfort, after some time if we untie him what will he feel? Bhakta: Happiness. Aya: Likewise if a person is carrying a heavy burden and another who is desperately seeking a thousand dollars, what will happen to them when the burden is unloaded and the money found? Bhakta: Happiness. Aya: But is the happiness due to the untied hand, the non-burden state or the thousand dollars? Bhakta: Hmmm.

Aya: If the happiness is from the state, then those with untied hands, those without burdens on their backs and those possessing a thousand dollars will feel happy too, but is this observed? Bhakta: No. Aya: So understand that the mind is that which moves. It is unsettled. When it is settled and still due it gaining its desires the happiness of the Self shines through. But falsely this is attributed to the objects. The person who is tied up, his mind constantly laments over this trouble. When untied the mind temporarily ceases moving and happiness shines through. It is the same with all other states. So the mind like the monkey which continuously hankers after this and that never finds respite. It is happy for a while when it stops, but goaded by its nature, it moves again. Even if one has everything in ones life, one is never happy, for the mind cannot be still. It doesnt investigate itself and the cause of its misery; it moves about, desires this and that and feels misery without the gaining its desires. After gaining its desires it will be happy for a short while. Soon it will have a new desire and will move in that direction. Like that it will keep on roving till it gets extinguished by jnanam. It is the reason for ones perpetual birth and death. Bhakta: How about conjugal bliss? Is it from the Self also as you have said? Aya: Yes, it is such. Lust is skin deep only. The same person one lusts after, if his or her skeleton is presented, one will feel repulsed. If the skin is peeled one will be repulsed also. Only the covering of the skin makes the mind lust after the body. The mind being tied to this desire and fulfilling the lust enjoys bliss in orgasm. But what happens in orgasm? The mind stops temporarily. One is only aware of a single powerful sensation. It becomes one pointed. One does not think of ones job, nor does one think of ones frustrations, schedules etc. The mind stops in orgasm and one gets bliss. This bliss is wrongly thought to arise from the body. This is the work of Mayai. In truth it is from the mind, which merely reflects the bliss of the Self when unmoving. Bhakta: How about happiness of intoxicating drugs and deep sleep? Aya: The mind comes out to the brain and from there to the senses. Taking these drugs which act on the brain stops the movement of the mind in the brain. Hence it becomes dull and stagnant. It loses its inhibitions. Due to this only one experiences bliss. But if one is already in an angry mood, one might end up in fights and behave like a hooligan after taking the intoxicants. Where is the happiness then? One just acted like a moron and caused misery. Hence it is due to the mind only which attaches to this and that desire that hides the joy of the Self. Gaining the object of desire, it ceases moving and experiences temporary bliss of the Self. It falsely attributes this joy to arising from the objects outside itself. Or in other words one can say that one thinks one derives joy from objects apart from oneself. But in truth how are the objects apart from oneself? It is all reflected in ones mind only. In deep sleep also the mind stops the most and it is herein it experiences much refreshing bliss and rest. Hence all beings crave for a good sleep.

Listen, I will tell you one amusing thing. Do you know what holy ash is made of? Bhakta: It is made of cow dung. Aya: Is it dirty? Bhakta: No, because it is burnt. All bacteria die and also it becomes ash. Aya: If I were to likewise burn human excrement or goat excrement what will happen? Bhakta: Well it will become ash too. Aya: Can you tell the difference if I show you the ash? Bhakta: No, it has lost the form; hence I will not know unless you tell me. Aya: If I give you ash of human excrement will you wear it? Bhakta: Uuugghhabsolutely not!! Aya: How about the goats ash? Bhakta: Yikesno too. Aya: But you might wear it if I just gave it to you saying it is holy ash. Bhakta: Yes. Aya: So the difference lies in the mind proper. See how one doesnt wear the ash of human excrement though it has no smell, nor any impurity, for it has been sterilized by high temperature burning. And its form too has changed. Even if I were to perfume it and make it more aromatic compared to cow dung ash, still people will hesitate to wear it. Yet they lust after the fleshy human buttock which produced this excrement, while they look with indifference upon the back of the cow. Also see how they will not wear ash made from the goats excrement, though the goat too is just a herbivore (vegetarian) like the cow. Due to thinking that cow dung ash is pure only people wear it without any inhibitions. But somebody with a non Hindu origin will hesitate to wear cow dung ash. All these differences lie in the mind alone. Bhakta: Why do we wear ash? Aya: To tell oneself that the body is not the true Self. It will finally become cremated and become ash. The body that is bathed and perfumed, it will be shunned by all when life departs. Soon they will dispose it by cremating or burying it. For some time they will be crying thinking of the departed, but soon all will forget and move on with their lives.

Once a year they will put a photo, show light to it and after a while they will chatter and joke amongst themselves. This is the truth. So why worry too much unduly about the world? One just needs to do ones duty without expectations. The task which is truly important for the seeker is to find his or her true Self. Who is it that died? Is it the body or is it the Self? By enquiry and by firm faith, one will finally fetch the Self and get liberated. Friend: Oh, how many doubts one has. How many things yet to learn? Aya: Why bother about all that. Know the I who knows that he doesnt know and all doubts will vanish. Friend: Is there no words of benediction for me? Aya: Listen daughter. Think of the Iraivan, it will think of you. Forget your shortcomings, but be as a child with innocent love. Do not be proud of your bhakti. For it is a trivial thing. The love that Iraivan has to its children is incomparable. Out of their own making they suffer and blame the Iraivan. When they gain the happiness and riches in life they forget the Iraivan. The Iraivan doesnt see your shortcomings. It sees the pure love only. Only if it decides to know you, you can know it. It is the one who gives us the strength to overcome our shortcomings in the path. But if one wants to realize the Iraivan this instant, one must say, let other things come and go, let my desires get satisfied or not, I dont care, let me seek and gain Iraivan first. If one feels such, then one will gain the Iraivan quickly. But if one thinks, oohhow can I be bereft of the world, let me gain a family, let me gain children and so onone will experience all these first. Thereafter can one say one will have the strength to not be attached to what one has enjoyed? The true lover of Iraivan will not say, let me be in the world and let me have Iraivan also, nor will he say, enjoying is not wrong. He will not think about all these things. He will just think of gaining the Iraivan by any means. Either the world remains or goes is not of much importance to him. Only such a one can see the Iraivan face to face. The rest can only get the tidbits they want from the Iraivan. In truth gaining the Iraivan, all else is gained, so why worry? If one runs after a train with luggage on ones head, thereafter boarding the train does one still carry the luggage on the head? One will just put the luggage down and let the train carry both oneself and the luggage. Likewise trusting the Iraivan and entering the path, why carry unnecessary luggage on the head? Friend: I heard you are Amma bhaktan. Can you bless me as the Amma bhaktan? Aya: Daughter, do you know the Iraivan? Friend: But it is my right to see it as a woman. Aya: Why, does it become less when of Iraivan when it takes the form of a man? Friend: No, but I like the Mothers form more.

Aya: Is it because of its form of a woman? If one is so enamored with the form of a woman then can it be said that one shows much reverence to all beings that has a female form? Surely there are many women one doesnt like or are indifferent towards, so how can one say that one truly likes the form of a woman? Friend: It is the motherly love that I want. Aya: Why? Cant men be loving too? As a woman, one craves for a man and vice versa. If truly one thinks a mothers love is enough is one content in being with women alone? Or is one truly reverential towards ones earthly mother? Friend: But men are the cause of womens downfall. We dont get respected. Aya: Let the foolish men bury their foolish kind. Why do you worry about it? One doesnt like male chauvinists. Yes, one can counter it with equally bold feminismand then?...you will reach the same state of spiritual ignorance the male dominated temples have perpetuated. Do not do the same mistake. First know that the form of Iraivan is love, bliss and deathlessness. This is what all beings seek, though they seek it from various ways. Look, even those who act under pride, jealousy, revenge or lust, why did they do so? It is to gain happiness and peace only. Will one seek to fulfill ones hunger just to become hungrier? One wants peace and bliss alone. The form of the idol you see in the temple is man made. Thinking this is the form one likes, one gets bliss from it. If the mind is in turmoil, will one feel this bliss? So pray to the Iraivan to reveal its true form to you. And give your bhakti whenever the Iraivan is invoked, even if the form is just a mere brick. Show this impartial unflinching bhakti, and the Iraivan will show its impartiality to you. If at the outset itself one thinks, hahthis is the form I want the Iraivan to be, then the Iraivan will forever remain as the stone idol and pictures for one. Listen to this thing daughter, and then you decide for yourself. If I were to give gold to one, say in the form of a beautiful jewel, or a ring, or a bracelet, what will one do? Friend: If given a choice sure one will want all. Aya: Okay, listen to another thing. If I present a beautiful necklace to one, studded with sparkling gems, polished and looking pleasing to the eyes, yet is thoroughly fake being made of iron and glass crystalsand I present you another which looks like an old plain ring, but made of pure gold.which will you choose? Friend: Surely the gold ring. Aya: Hence understand that it is the gold which has value. Due to the love for gold, all forms which are made of gold, be it bracelet, necklace or earring are yearned for. And also even the most beautiful fake necklace is bypassed for a simple gold ring, just because it is gold. Likewise too one must yearn for the Iraivan and love all forms associated with it. If one has such love for the Iraivan, just as one has love for the paltry gold, one will surely gain the Iraivan. But if one is just merely attached to forms, one will

get cheated with fake jewelry. The fake jewelry is the world of Mayai we live in. The worldly people love the gold and hence all things made of gold are appealing. The womanizers chase after women and thereafter different forms of women become palatable. The glutton loves all tasty dishes of different forms. The capitalist loves all currencies. Likewise too love god with such devotion. Why be partial? Bhakta: But have you not once said to choose a particular Ishta? Aya: I asked you too choose when one is a novice. A weakling unable to stomach a few dishes eats just a paltry leaf. The strong gobble all down. Bhakta: I dont get what you mean. Aya: The beginner unable to give the same concentration of mind when he frequently changes the form he meditates upon, he is asked to stick with a particular form and meditating daily on this, soon gains concentration of mind. So he should stick to one form (ishta). But he should know that he is holding to this practice because of the weakness of his own mind. He should be steadfast in sadhana and know that there is only One Iraivan. If the Iraivan decides to give you a vision in a shape of a little boy are you going to chase it away (for it being male)? That is the meaning of this. The purpose is not to become fanatically engrossed with one form while looking down upon another, yet failing to achieve concentration of mind in dhyanam, nothing is achieved. For only the concentrated mind can shine the Self and nothing else.

Part 2 Bhakta: Is there any thing wrong in being fanatical? Aya: One will grow in pride, then how will one gain jnanam? Is not the sacrifice of anavam which fetches the jnanam? Bhakta: If I look down upon another form of Iraivan will it hinder my progress? Aya: Look, Shakti is half of Shivan and Shivan half of Shakti. Then what is there to differentiate? Hari (Vishnu) and Haran (Shivan) join together and is called the HariHaran (Ayappan). Murugan is also called as (HaroHaran) and addressed as Thirumal Marugone (son in law of Vishnu). So in different ways one sees the same divine Self. One who is a Kali bhaktan strives to reach her feet. But then Shivan is eternally at her feet. So why look down upon Shivan? If one thinks one needs blessings from a Kali devotee will it make any one lesser by gaining the blessing from Shivan who lays at her feet? Listen. All the saints and jnanis have pointed towards unity only when it comes to Iraivan. Even we strive for unity amongst family, amongst community and so on. But when it comes to Iraivan why follow sect and creed? It is the anavam (selfish ego) which entices us to do so. It is the Mahisasuran, it is the Mahisi (buffalo head). A parent wears different clothes and wears the hair differently. He also assumes multiple characters according to the function or chores he does. But essentially he is the same and one person. If the children think the parent in one particular dress or attitude is more appealing then the other, it is their right. But if they start looking down on other children who dont share their taste, is this a good thing? It is sheer stupidity if they think the parent in different clothes or hair is a different person altogether. And if they dont recognize the same parent under the different garb, whose mistake is it? Even a baby recognizes the same parent in different clothes and attires. But grown up males and females do not recognize the same Iraivan under different garbs. Hence they must strive to know the Iraivan. Thereafter they will recognize the Amai-Apan (Iraivan as ones true parent). Just like the child showing single minded devotion to its parents, the sadhaka should do the same. Bhakta: How to practice this? I can only focus on one particular ishta.

Aya: It is quite easy. Whichever temple one goes or whichever idol one faces, just pray as one prays to ones ishta. Just address it as the same mother or the same father. What is the difficulty in this? Bhakta: Must one forsake ones devotion to a particular ishta. Aya: Due to our own weakness only we accept a particular ishta. This single minded devotion helps to gain single minded concentration. Only the concentrated mind can disentangle from the anava and shine the Self. But some people who are yet novices simply say by lips that shivan and shakti is the same without following it in their hearts. Yet they hesitate to go to shaktis temple if they are shiva bhaktan. Another group of people will say that some forms as lower deities and some as higher deities. The Iraivan is one only. Only true idiots will say one form is lower and others higher. The ones who say they are satvic and look down on the form of Kali or Muneeswarar, they truly are fools only. In their hearts they still harbor lust, greed, avarice and so on. Yet they talk like this. All these actions stem from ignorance proper. It is the anavam which makes one do all this. It gives the us against them mentality. But when it comes to money, they will accept without seeing difference in race, creed, status or gender. So which is it that they truly worship? Is it the money or the god? The air we breathe is the same. The sun which shines overhead also is the same. It is the Iraivan which has given us this body. It gave us the panchaboodham to sustain this body. It gave us arivu (buddhi) for us to think. It gave us bodily strength. Through it we amass wealth, name and fame. Yet if these properties truly belong to us, will we lose these? In old age we lose power of buddhi and the senses become dulled. Soon in ripe age we get diseased, get chucked into a corner and soon wither away. So what is that which is truly ours? But if one gains the Iraivan, all is gained. Without doing this man out of stone builds a temple and an idol and prides much in this. His body is also made out of the earth. The temple he built is also made of the same earth. When he dies the body returns to the earth and yet he wants the puny temple he built to stand forever. Is this out of bhakti or pride he does this? If he thinks that the Iraivan resides in the temple he built, is Iraivan then lacking in his own body. Temple is built by humans using the things found on earth. The gross physical body is designed by Iraivan using the same. If man thinks Iraivan will come to reside in the temple he built with his god given buddhi and strength, will Iraivan cease to exist in something which itself designed (the gross fleshy body)? So which is the temple? It is the body only. The temple built according to sashtras is built according to the human body. The Iraivan became the nature. It gave itself to be controlled by its children. But the foolish man thinks that he can control Iraivans power by burning some twigs in the fire or by arranging some stones in a particular way and chanting sonorous sound.

Bhakta: So are following ritual wrong then? Aya: Rituals are for the purpose of concentrating the mind in devotion. That is its true purpose. When mind gains sufficient strength as it progresses, it will not even need any outside aid in the form of rituals. But without gaining this the fools imagine they will get some power and shakti by doing all such rituals. And for what? Is it to gain mukthi? It is only to gain name, fame and wealth in one form or another. Part 3 Bhakta: Is it wrong to cut goat in the temple? Aya: The entire universe there is Iraivan, so where can one hide? Bhakta: No, I really want a true answer for this. Aya: Son, Iraivan only wants your love. It has created everything you see. Now let me ask you. Is it offering with bhakti to Iraivan which is important or simply offering anything? Bhakta: It is with bhakti which is important. Aya: If bhakti stems in the heart will we stand the plight of butchering the dumb animals as sacrifice for the Iraivan? Bhakta: No. Aya: The atma in the goat, to whom does it belong? Bhakta: To the Iraivan. Aya: Hence it is the child of Iraivan also. Due to ones own nature, one eats meat. But why should one incorporate the same practice in devotion also. Even the hooligans behave in their own weddings. Will they sacrifice their own children? As such there is no need to butcher dumb animals. The bhakti is the most essential thing. Iraivan accepts pure bhakti only. That which is to be done to progress in sadhana is to sacrifice ones anavam. The anavam ramifies through jealousy, greed, anger, lust, pride, fear, shame, disgust and ignorance. Collectively they make one forget ones true Self. To sacrifice an animal is not a difficult thing to do. They do it for money in the market and restaurants. People do it for their stomach at their homes.

Sacrificing the anavam is the most difficult thing to do. Sacrificing animals are not. Doing this you will remain in ignorance and get continuously sacrificed by Yama. Yama holds one through anavam only. Hence it is depicted as riding on the buffalo. For the anavam is symbolized by the buffalo headed Mahisasuran only. Likewise Mahisi who is killed by Ayappan also has a buffalo head. The buffalo is a dull witted creature which has no sense of gratitude for its own master. It will kill the owner if its mad. We should also not remain in spiritual ignorance by being dull witted. And thereafter get angry if our puny beliefs are challenged. Look. The enemy outside will only succeed in killing you once. But the enemy inside (anavam) will get you repeatedly killed (by repeatedly entering the cycle of birth and death). Part 4 Taaye inthe kovilile Vasitirukkum tennileve Palamadangu tavirntha pothum Mannitthu arulnthaye Kodumaigalil muluginen Matreverai kurai sonnen Marainthirunthu seyalpatrinilum Nalavanai katchalithen Enna seithu enna labam Udaintha maramai nindrenne Taye un padamalarai Tiramal tigelbeno Taaye inthe kovilile Vasitirukkum tennileve Palamadangu tavirntha pothum Mannitthu arulnthaye Chakaudalil tayitanthai Alavodu alakindrayai Unmayana annainiye Tiiramal kaakindrai Anavathei tunai pagirnthu Avamanam perugiyathe Kanmudum pothilamal Unnei naan maravane

Taaye inthe kovilile Vasitirukkum tennileve Palamadangu tavirntha pothum Mannitthu arulnthaye Mother who resides in this temple, Who gives honey like bliss through moon (mind), Though I commit wrong repeatedly, Yet you forgive and bless me repeatedly. I do many sinful things, But I bad mouthed others (pinpointing shortcoming of others), In private whilst I indulge in my sin, Yet as a hypocrite I portrayed myself as a good person to all. But what is the profit having done all these, I become as a lone broken tree (in the end), But gaining your lotus feet, I will live on eternally. Mother who resides in this temple, Who gives honey like bliss through moon (mind), Though I commit wrong repeatedly, Yet you forgive and bless me repeatedly The parents in the gross fleshy body Will bestow their love measured, But you (Iraivan) who is the true parent, Protect and love me eternally, By friending the selfish ego, Only humiliation has become ramified, Let me not wait till death to think of you, But forget you not always.

Meat eating god? Bhakta: How did the practice of offering goat and chicken in the temples came by? Aya: There are a few reasons. Let me tell you one by one. In most cases offerings of these types usually happen in temples associated with the class of people who are laborers, mostly menial. As they are poor, meat is a luxury. Hence only during such occasions like the yearly temple festival would they feast on high quality meat like mutton etc. Also there was a practice of caste previously. Due to this the landowners of the higher caste usually do not interact physically with their lower menial laborers. But on a yearly basis they arrange a feast for their workers. As such they donate the goats and chickens to the temples owned by their workers whilst not partaking in the occasion at all. The foolish people also drink the toddy, eat the meat and get satisfied. Even the later colonials adopted this style by having toddy shops (kallu kadai) for their workers entertainment. You can see that one will have a little shrine by this kallu kadai also, usually Muniswaran, Muniandy or Madurai Veeraan. These can be seen even to this day. If one goes to the Kallu Kadai in Brickfields one sees this. If one goes to the Kallu Kadai near Sg Pari Road one sees this. If one goes to Penang also the same shrines are there. All these silly practices stem out of ignorance. The poor remain poor and the rich get richer. But both get to die in ignorance and to be reborn according to their deserts. The proof is that even if today one goes to a temple where non vegetarian is served and one cares to check its history, chances are that these will be associated with the class of people we have mentioned. Only nowadays they are starting to build temples as a fad and starting to cut unnecessarily. Bhakta: But then in some places the deities like Muniswaran and Madurai Veeran in trance do ask for these sacrifices. Aya: What are you talking about? Muniswaran is just a form of Shivan. Do people give meat to Shivan? Then why condone cutting for Muniswaran. As for Madurai Veeran he is just a warrior who died. The people later deified him. This practice can be found amongst tribals and Africans too. The warriors who died protecting the clan will be deified. Thereafter they will set up a shrine for the deceased warrior. Since the person who while alive ate meat, they will serve the same in his shrine. Bhakta: Is this a wrong thing to do? Aya: It is up to the people. They can either pray to the Mandavan (the dead) or Andavan (the one who rules the Iraivan). It is their wish. Later on some of these smaller shrines adopted or associated themselves with Shivan or Shakti. That is how the practice became blurred. Bhakta: But some say that Kali symbolizes death and need to be pacified?

Aya: To whom is death, to the body or the Self? There is no death of Self. Even when one says there is death to the body, does it mean the body to have completely been annihilated upon death? In truth it merely changes form. The body returns to the elements. Energy is never destroyed, it merely changes form. This is elementary school science. So why harp on death? Look, after death is it the end of one? Hasnt one died earlier to be reborn in the present incarnation? After death one merely gets another body. So why worry and associate Kali with ferocious death. Nobody truly dies, no one truly gets destroyed. Look, even now the Self is in the body, why does one not realize it? Bhakta: On account of Mayai? Aya: Where is the Mayai? Bhakta: In the mind. Aya: As such it is the mind which binds the jivatma to the gross fleshy body. The link between the mind and the body is the prana shakti. This is connected through the air we breathe and the blood that circulates in the body. By the help of prana shakti only the manam can be concentrated in Sindhu. Thereafter only can it sever its attachment to the body and shine the Self. Sindhu is in ones head only. It is the Kailasam. Hence it is shown as Kali holding a severed head and a pot beneath as if to collect the blood. Also She drinks the blood which is severed from the Mahisasura (selfish ego) so that he doesnt sprout. Hence Kali symbolizes the grace of Iraivan only. By the grace of Iraivan the manam gets concentrated in Sindhu with the help of prana shakti. Ordinarily this shakti flows downwards which makes the mind unable to be sustained in Sindhu. Thus only ordinarily the jivatma is not aware of the Self. The jivatma uses this prana shakti to be further attached to the gross physical body under the impulse of the anavam. The anavam is the Mahisasuran. Not gaining this prana shakti for further ramification the anavam dies and the mind gets fully absorbed in the Sindhu (head). Thereafter it will shine the Self. Sustaining further it will soon merge into the Self in the heart and one reaches the pinnacle of mukthi. Without knowing all these, the stupid people will say Kali came and drank blood. Truly one is the undying Self. That is why all beings treasure life and one wants to live eternally in happiness. This is ones true nature. But due to Mayai only one gets attached to the body and one feels bound. Why this association of blood thirstiness with god? Touch your heart and tell me, does one really like the God one worships to be blood thirsty or is it simply to portray a ferocious image of oneself? Will one marry a blood thirsty spouse? So without deep thinking people do all kinds of stupidity and simply pass on without gaining jnanam. Bhakta: Okay, I get it. Is it wrong then to give meat to a temple where there truly are poor people?

Aya: If truly the temple is associated with the poor, and if really the poor will come to eat, then serving meat is of no harm. But this act is for the sake of mens stomach only. However so if under this pretext they simply gather to eat, drink arrack and fight amongst themselves, it is better abhorred. Worst still if one were simply to feed the already well fed. These merely stuff something into the mouths and throw the rest. What do they know of the pangs of hunger? Bhakta: In the north they have temples like Tarapith and Dakshineshwar where they offer meat to Kali. Aya: Look, the north was the place which withstood the invasion of the Muslims. Some over-religious zealots who happened to be Muslims tortured much Hindu brethren. As such some sadhus became militant. It is normal for the warriors and seafarers to eat meat, just like Madurai Veeran. The Nagu Sadhus and Aghoris are remnants of these militant sadhus. Being persecuted by the Muslims they lived a mendicant life in disguise. Some like the Sikhs disguised themselves in outward appearance like the Muslims. That is why the Gurudwaras too look like mosques. But the Sikh gurus got really tortured and it is Gobind Singh who introduced this practice of militarism, but minus meat eating. As for the Hindu militant sadhus the people revering them offered them meat. The militant sadhus dont stay in a place and roam from place to place, unlike the Sikhs. Hence they didnt live on agriculture like their Sikh brethren but like nomads ate meat. All those holy tirthas that are associated with them soon gained notoriety as tantrik pithas. In a way these sadhus actually protected the Hindu Matham and the people revered them as saints. They attributed their behavior with the terrible aspect of nature and associated it with God, creating a path which tries to see divinity in destruction, pollution and the likes. As such only they associate it with Shiva in his destructive aspect and Kali who is his companion. They also associate themselves with cremation grounds and such. In one way it is a good thing also because of the docile and orthodox Hindus who bothered much about pollution. And the pollution that is meant is strict observance of caste, cooking and the likes which involved non touchism, not forgetting Sati and child marriage also. It has grown to the extent of stupidity. Hence there were a few good things which became ushered by the Tantriks and Aghoris. It opened the peoples eyes to an extent. Bhakta: Its not a bad thing then? I mean offering meat to God if one is a Tantrik or an Aghori. Aya: The truth is these paths were created out of a necessity, which is to counteract a foreign invasion. But it can be given to abuses. However so let me say one thing. If you ask them the reason they follow this practice of offering meat, is it due to God who needs to be pacified, or is it the man who wants to see divinity in the apparent destructive aspect of nature.what will the answer be? Today the need for militarism is not there. But the sects still exist. And ask yourself, what is it that gets destroyed? Is it the Self? Forever in this dream world there will be creation, sustenance and destruction. It will go on endlessly till the dream gets shattered. But the true Self is changeless. It is never

created, does not need reason for sustenance and doesnt get destroyed. It is the one which sustains this and all the worlds. And this Self can be fetched in ones own self. The Self is the Iraivan. And wherefrom can one say that the Iraivan needs blood and sacrifice? It is man who is torn between his animal nature due to his ego and divine nature which is an echo of his Self. Hence he is in the dilemma. So in truth this practice is for the sake of the practitioner, it is not for the Iraivan. But without explaining all these, the people will falsely attribute bloodthirstiness to Kali itself. Vamakshepa and Ramakrishna are modern saints who have reached the Iraivan taking Tara and Kali as their ishta respectively. None condoned killing nor participated in these sacrifices. All saints, siddhars and jnanis have strived to stop unnecessary killing of dumb animals under the name of Iraivan, but who listens? Kaya Siddhi Bhakta: Recently there is a group of people who call themselves siddhars saying there is a way to attain moksha with the body. The body doesnt have to die, they say. They say siddhars of yore achieved this. Aya: Yes, these people will claim all such nonsense. They self style themselves as siddhars, wear some white saree or white clothe on their head and speak such nonsense. Has any of their disciples seen the siddhars of yore? Bhakta: No. Aya: So, one can see these self acclaimed modern siddhars only. But the truth is, these too will pass away (die) one day, then what will become the fate of their disciples. Listen, I will tell you this once and last time only. Listen carefully. The undying thing which is meant is the Self only. The body comes in between. How can it last forever? Even they say in the Sashtras that Brahmas (the creator) days are numbered, though he lives for aeons. As such how can this puny body last? When we go to sleep, we will dream. Then a body will be created for us by the mind itself. This body moves, sees, hears, enjoys and suffers just as the body in the physical body. So understand the stupidity in all these. The Self is the source of all. It is ones true abode. This body is just a temporary abode. Dying, one will soon find oneself in another temporary abode (embodiement). The siddhars have renounced all attachments. How can they be attached to the gross physical body? Cease listening to all these rubbish and strive to attain your true Self.