Shakes' Peers (Working Title) SHX.

PYR by Larry Nehring

First Draft L. Nehring, February 2011

Larry Nehring 1342 Beach Pkwy. Apt. #1 Lakewood, OH 44107 LNehring@aol.com 216.965.8409

SCENE 1 (1623) ANNES CHAM BERS AUGUST HER FINAL NIGHT ALIVE The bedchamber of a large house in Stratford. Two men, Heminges and Condell enter the room. HEM INGES Why have we come here? CONDELL Ive told you. HEM INGES I do not like this house. CONDELL For what possible reason? HEM INGES I always feel as if someone is watching me. Hovering over me. CONDELL Superstitious nonsense. As are your fears of-HEM INGES Do not speak its name! CONDELL ... That Scottish play. HEM INGES M ock me at your peril. Call it what you will, but I know what I know and I know there is more here than meets the eye of the beholder. CONDELL John, there are days I would swear you make sense despite the nonsense you utter. HEM INGES We have everything we need. * * *

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CONDELL Yet Anne still has more. Wills notes and pages. M ore than we have, surely. HEM INGES But we have enough. It is ready for printing. CONDELL And, out of respect, we have given her the opportunity to advise us. HEM INGES What could she possibly know about his writing? She was only his wife! CONDELL Only? HEM INGES He lived his life in London. He wrote in London. She kept house and reared his children here in Stratford. And she was just his wife. CONDELL With all the years we worked together, did you actually know Will at all? HEM INGES Very well! As much as anyone. Better than you, no doubt. CONDELL Where do you think he disappeared to all those times? HEM INGES All those times when? CONDELL When he disappeared. HEM INGES We all disappear, especially the married members of the company. CONDELL He came here and always returned with new pages, new inspiration, new roles for us all. HEM INGES He visited his wife?

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CONDELL Yes. (pause) HEM INGES Well, thats a disappointment. An aged Anne enters. Her body might be weak but her mind is still sharp. ANNE It certainly wasnt for me. HEM INGES I meant no disrespect. ANNE And none was taken, M r. Heminges. That was precisely the reason why so few people knew when he would visit me. A domesticated artist is rather like a gelding. CONDELL And an upstart crow is more attractive than a swan of Avon? ANNE Who wants to hear a play written by a nice man? Bad boys bring in the groundlings. CONDELL Anne-- M rs. Shakespeare.-ANNE Please, dear, she preferred to avoid comparison in life and will honor her memory by continuing the practice. I would prefer to be called just Anne. CONDELL Never just. Will would never accept just before your name. ANNE You do him a great service with your book. HEM INGES We begin printing it tomorrow. * * * *

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CONDELL Or whenever you feel it is ready. HEM INGES You agree it is ready, dont you? ANNE It is organized well. Comedies, Histories, Tragedies, but why are there no Romances? HEM INGES Romances? ANNE Cymbeline, his Winters Tale, even Loves Labours Lost? Neither Comedies nor hardly Tragedies. CONDELL We thought simplicity was preferable. HEM INGES And when a King dies its generally considered Tragic. The ghost of the young Will Shakespeare enters the scene, unseen by the men. ANNE Some of his titles.... I never did understand why anyone would name Cymbeline after the father. WILL It must always be the King first. ANNE It could have been poetic. Betrayed By Love, or -WILL Betrayed By Birth and keep the alliteration? HEM INGES Too difficult to say. *

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ANNE And this? Perhaps Mercutio and Tybalt ? CONDELL You are not the first to suggest it, but, you should have asked your husband that question. WILL I believe she just did. ANNE You should have read The Brief and Tragical Life of Mercutio. CONDELL Have you the pages? WILL Do not show them. The scenario was barely writ out. ANNE I have not seen them in years. HEM INGES A posthumous play by William Shakespeare! CONDELL Only DeVere could manage to write a play after he had died. WILL All souls conspire against me. ANNE Though the story was complete, the speeches were never written. HEM INGES That is no great matter. We have other writers, Webster for instance, who can do that. CONDELL Should you ever find them...

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WILL Anne, please spare my eternal soul. ANNE M y husband was particular with his words. HEM INGES We know that too well. That is the reason we havent any printed anything yet. CONDELL Perhaps you could best be his scribe. ANNE Heavens no. A woman playwright? Would even you give it any consideration? HEM INGES What a ridiculous thought! A woman writing plays? Ha! WILL From now on, whenever he utters nonsense I shall give him a hearty pinch. I believe I can manage that much. ANNE Be nice. CONDELL John. HEM INGES But to have a woman-- Ow! CONDELL If it were the widow of the Bard of Avon I am sure it would merit consideration. HEM INGES Right. That is what I meant to say. You neednt have pinched me, Henry. WILL No spine. At his age he should have more sense. ANNE You would assume it was my husbands work. As you should. * * *

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WILL As they always did. CONDELL You have suggestions for the volume? ANNE I do. WILL They are not going to like them. ANNE They will not. CONDELL Not what? ANNE They will not be simple. There are entire passages which are incorrect, many repeated from other plays, and you are missing whole scenes-HEM INGES Impossible. Ow! Henry! We are working from the prompt scripts we have used for years. ANNE And, of course, if it has been done for years it couldnt possibly be wrong. CONDELL Can you tell us what is missing? We can easily add whatever you provide. ANNE In Hamlet, the Norwegian captain scene. Its as absent as Ophelias mother. WILL I knew you would bring her up again. HEM INGES She has never had a mother.

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ANNE She must have had one, and I said it was a mistake to ignore her. WILL The play was too long as it is! We just kept adding speeches for the damned Prince to mutter. ANNE There is an obvious hole in the play. WILL What could she possibly add that Polonius could not? ANNE Imagine the willow speech coming from Ophelias own mother. WILL And you were right, but what could I do? Signora Leonata was brilliant and heart wrenching but so hard to find a young man who could pull it off, and the younger boys could not help giggling. CONDELL Who in the company could play that well? HEM INGES None in the present company, and few in all the years past. WILL So I changed that back. I wrote for my players. ANNE He knew his stage and his actors better than I. He was in London with the audiences. He knew what would work better than I ever could. Would you agree? CONDELL It seems that the words you whispered in his ear could invigorate him. His pages were always brilliant when he returned from Stratford. HEM INGES And never anything scratched out.

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WILL M y wife made me waste half my life copying pages so they would never see any of her handwriting. ANNE It was the best way. WILL You and your pride. ANNE An air of mystery. CONDELL Still makes Ben Jonson rant like madman. How the hell did he do it?! I cant write a bloody stanza without crossing something out! Begging your pardon. ANNE Please, Henry, never edit yourself on my behalf. I was married to William, if you remember. CONDELL Yes, he did relish the colorful words and phrases. HEM INGES We left those out. WILL I should pinch him for that as well! ANNE A decision I support. WILL Thank you. HEM INGES Ow! WILL Wait. Which decision?

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ANNE You were wise to remove the more colorful language. WILL Now whos Betrayed by Love? ANNE No need to court the wrath of future M asters of the Revels. CONDELL Thank you. ANNE You did leave my favorite in, which pleased me. CONDELL Did we? WILL I didnt see any! Where? ANNE Twelfth Night. M alvolios letter? HEM INGES We cant print profanity. CONDELL I need to make sure. WILL Find the damn page, Henry! CONDELL Here. ANNE I placed a mark beside it. CONDELL Her Cs, her Us, and her Ts?

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WILL Yes! Fantastic! HEM INGES I dont get it. WILL No surprise there. CONDELL And neither will anyone else. ANNE You were worried? CONDELL If this is not done correctly William Shakespeare might be as forgotten as M enander. HEM INGES Who? ANNE Whom the gods love die young. WILL Still on the tip of your tongue. CONDELL You know his works? ANNE William read me some fragments he had found. WILL M e? It was you who showed them to me! ANNE Here are my notes so far. But I shall need a few more days, Im afraid. M y eyes need to rest too often. * * *

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HEM INGES We need to get back to London tonight. CONDELL Take as much time as you need. We want this to be the way Will would have wanted it. WILL I would have wanted it done while I was alive and we could make use of the profits. ANNE I shall be as expedient as I am able. HEM INGES You could just trust us.-- Ow! Henry! CONDELL John! ANNE You have your reasons. I understand. I need to give a closer read to a few pages, but on the whole I am sure my husband is proud. WILL Her Cs, her Us, and her Ts. We were quite the dangerous pair. ANNE Now if you will excuse me, I will have my evening meal and set to work. CONDELL Of course. We will call on you tomorrow. HEM INGES When the cock crows expect us. WILL Ill crow your cock! ANNE Will! HEM INGES Ow! *

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CONDELL John, be quiet. M aam? ANNE Will... you join me tomorrow afternoon? I rarely receive guests with my morning meal. CONDELL Of course. Good night. HEM INGES Good night. Heminges and Condell exit. WILL I should have punched him in the mouth. ANNE You can barely manage a pinch. You are such stuff as dreams are made on, are you not? WILL Was I what your dreams were made on? ANNE And a few nightmares. Now help me read these pages so that your friends can get your volume printed and then you shall be immortal. WILL I prefer The Immoral William Shakespeare. ANNE Your fidelity betrays that title. WILL I was a bit immoral. ANNE No more than I. A spinster seducing a teenager? It was just not done. WILL Scandalous! Twas you who ruined my virtue. * *

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ANNE It was your own fault. You sent me poems first. WILL A handful, mostly stolen from Ovid. And you never responded. ANNE You failed to sign them. WILL That was the romance! ANNE M y mother found them and spirited them away before Father could burn them. It was days before I ever saw the pages and it took time do determine the authors identity. WILL I had given up on you. ANNE And yet you criticize Gertrude for being inconstant. WILL Even one month is as a lifetime to a sixteen year old boy. You waitednearly a year. ANNE It is a bit difficult to be the aggressor when you wear a dress and are caring for a farm and younger siblings. WILL Excuses, excuses. ANNE Boys. Far more fickle than girls, I warrant. WILL All boys pine for some older woman. An older sister of a friend, even someones mother. James longed for my mother, for some reason. Yes, M rs. Shakespeare. M y you look lovely today, M rs. Shakespeare. *

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ANNE And was I your M rs. Shakespeare? WILL Eventually. ANNE Then it all worked out for the best. I was certainly not the first to take a younger husband. Behind closed doors even the parish widows would pat my shoulder and say well done. WILL They wouldnt if they knew your methods. ANNE No matter the course so long as the destination is reached. WILL M ade me think i was in love with a man. I should neve have forgiven you for that. ANNE You loved that first kiss, boy, and dont you forget it. Will takes a sheaf of papers from the table. WILL When you remind me every chance you get? Impossible. But it was those poems that won my heart. They were so passionate. Just reading them moved me so much. From fairest creatures we desire increase, That thereby beautys rose might never die, But as the riper should by time decease, His tender heir might bear his memory: But thou, contracted to thine own bright eyes, Feedst thy lights flame with self-substantial fuel, M aking a famine where abundance lies, Thyself thy foe, to thy sweet self too cruel.-The lights change and we are now in the Stratford Pub. *

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SCENE 2 (1582) STRATFORD PUB LATE SPRING Anne, reliving this memory observes the scene, unseen by the others. Young William Shakespeare is now in the pub and fetches a pint of ale. He sits on a table and produces a few poems he has been sent by an admirer. The pub owner enters followed by his son, James. WILL Thou art now the worlds fresh ornament, And only herald to the gaudy spring, Within thine own bud buriest thy content, And, tender chorl, makst waste in -JAM ES Will! Sit on the bench not the table! WILL --Pity the world, or else this glutton be, To eat the worlds due, by the grave and thee. This is amazing. JAM ES Your filthy boots on the benches will get my mother on you! WILL Is that how your father gets her all hot and bothered of an evening? JAM ES Out on you, now! Id rather not think about that! * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

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WILL Where is your mother? JAM ES She went to Shottery to check on the widow and her daughter. WILL And whats wrong this time? JAM ES Apart from the fact that Annies got a mouth like a adder and is too old to find a husband? WILL Aye, apart from that. ANNE James was a good friend. I have not thought of him in these many years. JAM ES I hear shes up and disappeared. WILL Where to? JAM ES No one knows. Was supposed to prepare the morning meal and was nowhere to be found. WILL Headstrong for a girl. RICHARD Only a month since her father was buried, god rest his soul, and she does this? Well good riddance to her, I says. WILL Shes sure to turn up. If any man has taken her by force they shant hold her for long. Shed talk them to the brink of death and kick them right back again, would she not? * * * * * *

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JAM ES If all the tales are true. ANNE Its a wonder you did not write The Shrew first. WILL I should have done. JAM ES Should have done what? WILL Nothing. Now enough about her. Shes always been beautiful. JAM ES Thats right. I remember you used to pine for that princess. WILL I did. JAM ES But she had no words to spare for the glovers boy. ANNE Or his tiny friend with the ever-dripping nose. WILL I seem to remember you tagging along after her a few times yourself. JAM ES Only after you! And i only wanted up her skirts. I never wrote her no poems! WILL I remember you crying and sniffling about that Hathaway girl has the biggest... eyes. Will gestures about large breasts, though. ANNE They were never that big.

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JAM ES Very funny! What are you reading, Will? WILL Nothing. JAM ES Give me those. WILL No! Theyre just some papers a guy gave me to look at. JAM ES Pretty sloppy handwriting for a man. Are they love poems? WILL Shut it! JAM ES God save us all! Will is getting love poems! WILL Leave it be! RICHARD Well, good. M aybe youll get married and start a family and then stop getting our benches dirty. WILL Or start actually buying pints from you. JAM ES You have one unique skill in all of Stratford. You can-BOTH --nurse a single pint an entire night! A new customer has entered, a young man a few years older than Will and James. It is a young Anne, now in her late 20s, dressed as a young man.

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JAM ES Exactly. Now clean that bench for me before my mother gets back! WILL All right! JAM ES What can I get you? YOUNG ANNE Pint? JAM ES Of? YOUNG ANNE Whatever this will buy. She tosses him a coin. JAM ES That will buy you quite a few pints. YOUNG ANNE Then two to start with. ANNE I did make a rather handsome young man. JAM ES M y pleasure. WILL These are really good. JAM ES The poems? I hate poetry. Waste of time. If I have to read anything let it be a story about jousts or bathing maidens.

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WILL Listen to this: M usic to hear, why hearst thou music sadly? Sweets with sweets war not, joy delights in joy. JAM ES Thats dumb. WILL Its brilliant! JAM ES Its girl talk. M ushy, gross, why are you reading it? WILL But its all like that. How does she make words do that? JAM ES Do what? WILL M ake me feel things. Like when we had to read Ovid, remember? JAM ES Dont remind me! WILL But all those old stories of love and romance! JAM ES And sex. WILL They were good, right? Even in Latin. They could even scare us, or make us laugh. But this... its kind of exciting me. JAM ES A passing breeze will get you excited. Youve had your hands dipped in dung softening glove leather all day. Like any girl will want those touching her. WILL Someone sent them to me. * *

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JAM ES Did you find them tacked to a tree or something? They cant be for you, you daft idiot. YOUNG ANNE I delivered them to him. WILL There you are! You have to tell me who sent them! Did you read these? Listen: O, change thy thought, that I may change my mind! Shall hate be fairer lodgd than gentle love? Be as thy presence is gracious and kind, Or to thyself at least kind-hearted prove... Who wrote this? As the young Anne enters the scene, the elder Anne fades into the darkness and exits. YOUNG ANNE I am sworn to secrecy. Pint? JAM ES He hasnt finished his first. WILL Thank you. I have to know. JAM ES Give the guy some pity. YOUNG ANNE M ake thee another self for love of me, That beauty still may live in thine or thee. WILL You did read them! YOUNG ANNE I did. JAM ES Its a man. *

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YOUNG ANNE Of course I am. JAM ES No, the poems. No woman could write like that. YOUNG ANNE And why not? JAM ES That kind of drivel comes from schooling. Latin and Greek, and other useless offal. Girls dont learn that. They learn sewing and knitting and how to make babies. YOUNG ANNE They learn to read, too. JAM ES But not to write. Look at that hand! YOUNG ANNE Whats wrong with it? Its perfectly fine. JAM ES Yes, her A and her great B, and her very C very right. WILL Her H is full like mine. JAM ES A goodly big H, but her double L? YOUNG ANNE That O is of a reasonable size! JAM ES And no goodly woman could match her great Ps! James collapses laughing. WILL Why did i not see that coming?

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YOUNG ANNE Her great Ps. You are a dry fool, boy. JAM ES Not if she keeps those great Ps coming! WILL A man? Is it so? YOUNG ANNE I shant reveal more. JAM ES Face it, you got love poems from some bugger. WILL No! But theyre so good! JAM ES If it be a woman, youd best beware-WILL No more great Ps! YOUNG ANNE They must be from a beautiful young woman. Romantic and well-read. JAM ES Or a big poofy lord of some kind. Probably from that pilgrimage that passed by last week. WILL What should i do? JAM ES Burn them and forget them. Thats what i would do. YOUNG ANNE No!

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WILL I cant. JAM ES You have to. Or else everyone will know you got them from some pansy lordling. Another pint? YOUNG ANNE Two. James gets up and takes the empty mugs to refill them. WILL How will they know? JAM ES Ill tell them. WILL You wouldnt dare! JAM ES Try me. YOUNG ANNE They are from a young lady. WILL I knew it! JAM ES Thought you was sworn to secrecy? YOUNG ANNE She would want me to tell this. JAM ES You sure? * * * * *

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YOUNG ANNE As sure as i know my own sex. JAM ES Nothing to be yelling about! Here are your pints. Need a new cask. Be right back. James exits. WILL Who is it? YOUNG ANNE I have told you too much already. WILL You havent even told me your name. YOUNG ANNE Adam. WILL Adam what? YOUNG ANNE Close. Adam Whatley. WILL You have to know more about her. YOUNG ANNE I do, but you shall learn more if you wish it. You like them? WILL Yes. They are... YOUNG ANNE Yes? WILL Nothing. I just wish i could write like this. YOUNG ANNE Do you? * *

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WILL In truth I once tried, but found myself unable. YOUNG ANNE You wrote a sonnet? WILL A few. And sent them to a young woman i was quite fond of. YOUNG ANNE And her response? WILL Never came. YOUNG ANNE And she knew they were from you? WILL She must have done. I signed them As your Wills own heart wills. YOUNG ANNE Why not with your own name? WILL It seemed more romantic. YOUNG ANNE M ore mysterious? WILL Yes! The better to woo her! Like in Ovid. YOUNG ANNE Where in Ovid? WILL There are mysteries, puzzles to unravel. YOUNG ANNE But you arent in school now. James enters again.

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WILL Well, no. Too, old for that. Time for a mans work, Will. Soften that hide for me. JAM ES Jesus, M ary and Joseph, heard that enough. WILL And James, get your hide to the cellars and fetch us some cork for the bung hole! JAM ES Ill give him something for his bung hole. YOUNG ANNE Your fathers? JAM ES Hes in the back as we speak asking whos here. Will, I says, and a nimor lordling messenger. And he says, Ask the young fellow if he would like a pair of pints! And here I stand. YOUNG ANNE Another? WILL Thank you. M y life is not what I dreamed it would be. Just another Shakespeare making gloves. JAM ES And carving up the occasional sheep. YOUNG ANNE And trading wool. JAM ES Oh leave off of that one! WILL Dont ever bring that up again. YOUNG ANNE Oh, right.

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JAM ES Another pint? YOUNG ANNE Two, and one for yourself. James again goes for refills. WILL M y father. A good man, respected, familial, but he does not understand people. Why they do things, why they fear things. That is his weakness in matters of business. YOUNG ANNE At least you have a father. M ine died. WILL When? YOUNG ANNE Within the year. JAM ES Would you like to have mine? I will pay you to take him from me. And my mother as well. Only leave me the pub and Im happy. WILL Shall i tell your mom you are orphaning them to strangers? JAM ES They have often done the same to those passing through. Youve seen it yourself on many occasions. Remember that Cornish couple when we was ten? WILL They had you scared that night. JAM ES They even packed me a bag! But enough of familial agony. Where are you from, herald? Why are you coming to Stratford to deliver love poems for some merry lordling? *

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YOUNG ANNE The name is Adam, not... but indeed I am herald to young master Shakespeare today. As a courier I travel hither and yon bearing messages, packages, or anything that needs delivery. JAM ES No guard to protect you between villages? YOUNG ANNE None needed. JAM ES I could knock you over with a breath. YOUNG ANNE Care to try? You wouldnt be the first. WILL James, be nice. JAM ES You heard him. I have to defend my honor. Here are your pints. WILL What honor? Youve never won a fight in your life. JAM ES I have too! WILL Your sister doesnt count. JAM ES She should! Shes bigger than me! WILL And two years younger! JAM ES Be that as it may i could still take this one!

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YOUNG ANNE No doubt in my mind, if you could best your big, little sister. JAM ES Watch it, you! youll get no sympathy being an orphan here. YOUNG ANNE Im not an orphan. I support my family. I have a feed post. JAM ES At least you have some peace. No parents to fight and throw things. WILL Or sell you to Picts. A couriers fees can support an entire family? YOUNG ANNE And we have land, and the harvests. And of course he left a little for my wedding day. JAM ES A son with a dowry? YOUNG ANNE He wished for a daughter. JAM ES Who would wish for that? WILL So you deliver love poems for swishy lordlings? YOUNG ANNE For a certain young lady. WILL Just making sure. Why send them to me? YOUNG ANNE She has always thought you were handsome. WILL So we know each other?

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JAM ES She thinks will here is handsome? He has the face of a stoat. Cant even grow a proper beard! YOUNG ANNE She knows you, but you do not know her heart. WILL I know all the girls my age in the area, and as far as Snitterfeld. (west to... east, north, south, etc.) YOUNG ANNE True. Havent you and your friends tried your best to sample the areas crop? JAM ES Of course, but we have not become fathers nor been caught by any fathers yet, blessed be the saints. Remember when John Snugg nearly got caught by Julia Chandlers da? WILL (playing the girl) Wilt thou be gone? it is not yet near day? That was the nightingale, and not the lark. JAM ES (as Snugg) It was the lark, the herald of the morn. I must be gone. WILL So bad with words, but so good with maids! (as Julia) Yon light is not day-light, I know it, I. JAM ES (as Snugg) I must needs be gone. WILL (as Julia) Let me be ta'en again. JAM ES (as Snugg) if you would be taen, then let me be put to death! (himself) and they go at it again! WILL Then her father yells up, (as father) Julia?

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JAM ES And then she throws both Snugg and his clothes out the window! YOUNG ANNE And he never found out? WILL Worse! Her father finds a pile of love notes from Neddy! YOUNG ANNE Neddie? WILL Ned Gardner, the grocers boy, and takes off to find him! YOUNG ANNE Oh lord. WILL Poor Neddy, he never knew what hit him! JAM ES Or who! I need another pint! You? WILL Please. YOUNG ANNE Three. On me. So what happened? WILL They have three babies. JAM ES Only two now, remember. WILL Right, two. But those are two healthy children. Criers, i hear. YOUNG ANNE He married her? * *

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WILL Not much choice in the matter. JAM ES By jesus, but he always fancied her. Plagued her with bad poetry. Twas she that was stuck. She bosses him around, and none of the children look like him, so who is the losing party? YOUNG ANNE Who indeed? I hear no stories of you two. JAM ES Well, william, here has had little luck with the ladies. YOUNG ANNE I find that hard to believe. JAM ES With that stoat face and hands that smell of a dung heap? WILL Hold your tongue, you! Or i will tell him about your Nell! JAM ES You wouldnt! YOUNG ANNE Nell Fairchild?! JAM ES You know her? YOUNG ANNE The kitchen wench from the M aiden Head? Who doesnt? She casts the largest shadow in Stratford! JAM ES Now that isnt fair! WILL Shes nearly spherical!

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YOUNG ANNE I could find countries in her! WILL In what part of her body stands France? YOUNG ANNE In her forehead. WILL How so? YOUNG ANNE Twas armed and reverted, making war against her hair. JAM ES You can both rot in Hell! WILL Where Spain? YOUNG ANNE Faith, I saw not; but I felt it hot in her breath. WILL Where stood Belgia, the Netherlands? YOUNG ANNE O, sir! I did not look so low! JAM ES M ake fun all you like, but at least i have been with a woman! WILL I have too! JAM ES You have not! You cannot lie to me! Im your best friend! And what about you messenger-boy?

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YOUNG ANNE Not a night goes by that theres not a lady in my bed. JAM ES So you say. Prove it. Anne produces a perfumed handkerchief. YOUNG ANNE The perfume is fresh from this morning. JAM ES That means nothing! Anyone could have a handkerchief. YOUNG ANNE Or a greasy kitchen cloth? JAM ES A.H.? YOUNG ANNE Her initials. Do you like it? WILL I love the smell. YOUNG ANNE Good. JAM ES Were out of sack and Oldcastle is due any day. Be back in a moment. Hey, Da! James exits. WILL Are these from you? YOUNG ANNE No. M y handkerchief? WILL Sorry. Here. How many pints have I had? * * *

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YOUNG ANNE How many do you usually have of an evening? WILL One. YOUNG ANNE Youve had more than that. WILL M an to man, I am not used to drink. Id never survive in London. YOUNG ANNE Does the world spin a bit? WILL Yes. For you, too? YOUNG ANNE A bit. I have had more years of drinking than you, boy. WILL Im fine. Ill just stay seated for the moment. YOUNG ANNE Wise choice. Another truth for you. I am not from Stratford. WILL And you have a girl in love with you? YOUNG ANNE I have no interest in girls. WILL A woman, then. To be honest, i have similar tastes with you. The girls my age are no end of annoyance. All they wish to talk of is how their husbands will provide for them better than their fathers blah blah blah. But look around. this is stratford. None here will ever go farther than warwickshire. We will become our fathers and our sons shall become ourselves. M e making gloves, james pouring pints. We cannot escape. There should be a banner over Stratford. Abandon every hope.

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YOUNG ANNE All ye who enter here. A bit forbidding, dont you think? your father should have posted that when he was mayor. WILL His mayoral tenure only helped his wool dealings. and only temporarily. YOUNG ANNE So you prefer an older woman? How old? WILL A few years. Twenties. How old are you? YOUNG ANNE Twenty six. WILL M aybe not that old, but you seem younger than that. Nor do I want to be someones father. YOUNG ANNE So no children? the Shakespeares have a fair brood. WILL Well no, i mean i want kids. I dont desire to play the father to my own bride, if you get my meaning. Nor do i need another mother. YOUNG ANNE An equal? WILL A peer, yes. YOUNG ANNE You set a lofty goal. WILL I know. But what can i do? There are attractive maids who think little, ugly maids who think too much, and never the twain shall meet.

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YOUNG ANNE Perhaps you need to look more closely. WILL This poet. What does she look like? YOUNG ANNE What kind of woman would you have to wive? WILL I have my thoughts, but it would be folly to speak them to you. YOUNG ANNE Why folly to speak your hearts desires? WILL As my mother says, my dreams of a wife are more my dreams of leaving Stratford. YOUNG ANNE Certainly not folly. What shall this woman be? WILL Rich she shall be, that's certain. Wise, or I'll none. YOUNG ANNE Virtuous? WILL Aye, or I'll never cheapen her; fair, or I'll never look on her. YOUNG ANNE M ild, or come not near me. WILL Noble, or not I for an angel. YOUNG ANNE I should add to my own list, of good discourse and an excellent musician. And well-versed in Ovid and the Greeks. WILL If I were to put pen to the perfect partner, I should wed for no less.

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YOUNG ANNE And her hair? WILL Shall be of what colour it please God. YOUNG ANNE And this paragon shall carry you to greener pastures? WILL Perhaps not greener, nor pastures, but I dare not spend the rest of my life gazing on none but the fields of Warwickshire. Can your poet be all these things? YOUNG ANNE I dare not speculate. WILL Of this inventory which can she fulfill? YOUNG ANNE Oh, heavy burden. Not least of which is the last request. WILL So i still remain with the warnings of my mother. And your poet cannot win my heart. YOUNG ANNE She is not without some small means, and promise of some little more. WILL And wisdom? YOUNG ANNE She is more than a match for the likes of you as can be shown by her intact virtue. She is accounted fair, but her wisdom dare not let her be too mild. She paid me an angel to deliver her missives, which are themselves proof of her good discourse. None but the noblest of hearts would show such propriety. WILL As to her skill at music?

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YOUNG ANNE Here she falls short of your required graces. She has never been able, with sheeps' guts, to hale souls out of mens bodies. WILL Tis strange. Such a list has won my curiosity but she will never win my heart if i cannot see her. YOUNG ANNE You have and you shall. WILL And she is older than me? YOUNG ANNE I never said that. WILL There is none with such breadth of spirit that could be younger. But now I fear she might be of an age with my mother. Is she? YOUNG ANNE No. WILL Of what, then. Your years? YOUNG ANNE Yes. WILL Thats good, though, unless she has not aged as well as you have. YOUNG ANNE She is of my complexion entirely. WILL Even better. Your face on a womans body would be a welcoming sight. YOUNG ANNE You think so?

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WILL Were yours a females face any man would desire it. If you will forgive me, your features do tend towards the fineness of a woman. YOUNG ANNE So i suspected. WILL Which is why i fear that you have written these yourself. YOUNG ANNE No man wrote your poems. WILL In truth, i care not who wrote them, the words are supreme, but were it a man i could not return the feelings in a similar vein. YOUNG ANNE No pansy lordlings for you? WILL You have seen my friends. the church might simply excommunicate bugger-ers. M y friends would do far worse. They would not let you hear the end of it till your dying day. YOUNG ANNE A fate worse than death? WILL The peace of the grave would be far preferable. YOUNG ANNE But what of your poet friend? WILL She, if a she, and her words, if hers, have my heart and soul. YOUNG ANNE Are you certain of that? WILL She shapes words like a conjurer. She speaks to me, yet she says nothing at all. Tis but ink on paper, but what of that? She is glorious to this night. (MORE)

43. WILL (CONT'D) She is a winged messenger of heaven and I am but a wondring mortal, falln back to gaze as she bestrides the lazy-puffing clouds to sail upon the bosom of the air.

YOUNG ANNE You are touched by the same muse. WILL If i have a muse it is she. YOUNG ANNE As you are hers. What would your friend James think to hear such words from you? WILL James jests at scars that never felt a wound. YOUNG ANNE You have a silvered tongue. WILL I long for her to know that. YOUNG ANNE What would you do if she were here? WILL I would lean close like this. YOUNG ANNE Only lean? WILL And grab her thus by the shoulders. YOUNG ANNE You have her well in hand. WILL And then... YOUNG ANNE And then?

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WILL I would... YOUNG ANNE What wouldst thou? Will kisses Anne, long and hard. When they pull back and make eye contact Will is shocked at the realization that he has just kissed a man and Anne is also shocked to discover that she might have ruined her disguise. JAM ES (off) I dont believe this! James enters. WILL Twas all in jest! YOUNG ANNE It was the ale! JAM ES M y father is sending me to the Hathaways to help my mother look for that wench, Anne! YOUNG ANNE Whats happened? WILL Shes not returned yet. You know her? YOUNG ANNE I am... acquainted with her. JAM ES Then you know how impossible she is. She will never marry. What man would have her? Fair looks, indeed, but with a mind and tongue too sharp for her kind. I doubt she has ever even kissed a man.

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YOUNG ANNE You would be wrong, I promise you now. WILL I have to go. YOUNG ANNE Another pint? JAM ES He hasnt finished that one yet. WILL I have had too much already. JAM ES Come with me to Snitterfield. YOUNG ANNE I cant go like this! JAM ES Not you. Him. WILL I should go home. JAM ES Will! WILL What? JAM ES Whats wrong? WILL We didnt kiss!

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JAM ES What the hell are you talking about? You need to walk off those pints before you go home. Your mother will have your head. Come with me. WILL Fine. JAM ES Great. YOUNG ANNE Will? WILL Yes? YOUNG ANNE I will pass through again in a few days. JAM ES So? YOUNG ANNE I could have more poems. If you would want them. WILL M y spirit is torn. I should not want them, or these. But I cannot contain my souls wishes. If you bring them, you shall find me here. YOUNG ANNE As you wish, Will. WILL Adam. YOUNG ANNE James. JAM ES Charmed. Will? WILL God speed.

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Anne exits in a hurry. JAM ES By Gods knickers I still think he wrote those poems himself. Good thing I stopped you from drinking more. You might have ended up kissing him, you know? WILL Youd never let me live that down. JAM ES Only if you never mentioned Nell again. WILL You lie. JAM ES True, but it sounded good in the moment. We have to go. Its a long walk. James and Will exit as the pub becomes the bedchamber again.

SCENE 3 (1623) ANNES CHAM BER AUGUST She has brought out more manuscripts from the mattress of the bed. Begins edits. Reads comedy of errors and memories form. ANNE M y heart nearly broke in that moment. I remember it still so clearly. If you had guessed my nature, or denounced me for the kiss in public my life would have been ruined. But you did not. I could see something in you change. The ghost of young Will reenters.

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WILL I had no idea you were not a man. I spent the walk to Snitterfield a torrent of questions with not an answer to be found while James droned on about the evils of Anne and why girls should be pretty and stupid, or plain and stupid, or even ugly and stupid. And I heard little of that. In my head all I heard was, What were you thinking, Will? What would James say if he found out? Should I tell him? What would happen if I did? Could I ever hope to stay in Stratford? Where would I go? ANNE You were still in a panic when I walked into my home. WILL I was... until you gave me that handkerchief to wipe my brow. ANNE I should have kept the disguise still. WILL No, you made the right choice. I would not have received you well when you returned to the tavern next. ANNE It was a gamble that paid off in the end. WILL And I carried that handkerchief every day of my life. ANNE And you were entombed with it close to your heart. WILL I watched you place it there. ANNE I always know when you are near me. There can be no greater comfort in my advancing age. I could quote you lines from Lear if youd like. WILL There is no need. In my eyes you are still as young and lovely as when we first met. ANNE And dressed in hose?

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WILL Scandalous, isnt it? You see? I am immoral. ANNE How could I fall in love with such a base rogue? WILL How could you not? ANNE We have plays to correct. WILL You should sleep, you are tired. ANNE I could read these all night. I do quite often. WILL I know. Where shall we begin? *