9 Ways to Plan Women's Retreat

So the Chronically Ill Can Attend

by Lisa Copen

Nearly 1 in 2 people in the USA have a chronic illness and about 96% of it
invisible. Are these women attending your church retreats? Many of them
are suffering silently, depressed, isolated, and feeling very alone. Others are
some of the wisest, calming, most spiritually beautiful women who will
touch attendees at your retreat in ways no planned speaker can. But are any
of them coming?

Rest Ministries, the largest Christian organization that serves the chronically
ill, took a survey about attending retreats. Out of the twenty respondents, seventeen participate less since they have a chronic
illness. When asked why, the responses were as follows:

Three reported, "Accessibility issues (I know I can't easily get to and from different buildings at the retreat)"; 6 people said,
"The pain factor. It's just too draining"; 4 responded, "The unpredictable health issues"; and 10 explained that it was, "A combi-
nation of the above."

So, how could you encourage these women to get involved again in your church retreat?

1. When weighing different retreat locations, consider the limitations of people with chronic illness when asking the retreat
centers questions. Promote that you have this information before people register.

For example, ask the retreat center personnel about factors such as: Are the hills steep? Are there carts available for transporta-
tion? How far are the rooms from the main meeting center? Is there seating available other then collapsible metal folding
chairs? What about elevators? One woman shares, "I stopped going a year or so ago because the retreat planner does not tell
you what is expected, or about walking, stairs, etc. They need to be more honest." Those with chronic illness typically look for
retreat centers held in locations where little walking is necessary and preferably the ground is flat. Large homes or hotels are
also good options. While it's easy for a retreat planner to assume that fifty yards is a "short walking distance," fifty steps may
be exhausting for some people. So provide the actual distances on your promotional flyer. Don't just write "Rooms are a short
walking distance from the main building."

2. Realize that women with illness have a great desire to go on retreats and get to know others, but they also will be on their
own schedule at times. Don't take it personally.

Margaret lives with a malignant brain tumor and uterine cancer. She says, "I don't attend retreats because people don't want to
understand or accept that sometimes I have to retreat from the 'retreat.' I may have to go back to my room to rest. Others decide
that I'm escaping from my problems. They demand that I participate in whatever is happening. I'm not wishing to be anti-social
and I will participate when God enables me to do so; but at the same time, when God tells me to rest, I must rest despite what
the [retreat] 'timetable' states." One way a retreat director can help rectify this is by distributing the retreat's event schedule a
week or so before the event, even if it's just posted on the church's web site.

3. While you are deciding events such as ice-breakers or fun games, make sure there is something that those with physical limi-
tations can participate in if they choose

If people don't want to participate in the relay race where everyone dresses up in costumes, allow them to do their own thing.
Debbie, who has chronic fatigue syndrome says, "Unfortunately, I have yet to find a retreat director who understands that I am
not able to participate, not because I'm uncooperative, shy, or antisocial, but simply because I cannot physically do so; the re-
sult is that I do not attend church retreats."

4. Don't gasp at all they pack

Though all women have necessities they pack to be more comfortable for their stay, those with chronic illness will have extra
stuff. These may include: their own bedding, special cushions for chairs, a few pillows, eighteen kinds of snacks, pain patches,
shades to sleep, and a flashlight and a book to read if sleep doesn't happen. They may pack special water, a humongous pillbox
of medicine (don't comment), and perhaps even a service dog (which she likely would have spoken to you about before the
event).

5. Despite your best intentions, remember that she knows her body better than you do, and she's able to plan for her best experi-
ence

For example, riding a bus to the retreat may throw her back out for the entire weekend, so if she asks if she can ride in a car
with a staff member, this may be an easy modification. If she puts on a headset to listen to music, don't take it personally; she
may need some quiet time to rejuvenate so she can socialize that evening. She may need to eat small, frequent meals and
snacks if she is diabetic. Don't say, "We're going to be eating and thirty minutes so please wait to eat with everyone else."

6. Acknowledge that she's not a prima donna; take her requests seriously

While she may insist that she get the bottom bunk bed and then pull out her own mattress and pillows, it's not because she
thinks she is the Princess and the Pea. Some of her needs are likely medical requirements. One example is having electricity in
the rooms for people who use something such as the CCAP machine which treats sleep apnea. (Out of 20 women surveyed, 2
of them were required to use one). She may also have medications that need to be refrigerated, and an ice pack won't keep it
cold enough. So she may need access to a staff member who can get into the retreat center kitchen. Sheryl, lives with chronic
myofascial pain, and she says, "Make sure there are always chairs available for those who can't stand more than a couple of
minutes." Although it's unlikely you will be able to see the person's chronic pain, she may not be able to stand more than a cou-
ple minutes comfortably.

7. Realize that she may not want others to know about her illness

Marjorie says, "When an explanation is given in confidence, avoid reacting so that everyone present knows that I have a prob-
lem." Anjuli, who lives with congenital myopathy (a form of Muscular Dystrophy) agrees. "Don't single me out!"

8. Make scholarships available

Chronic illness is very expensive and most of these women are on an extremely limited budget. Rarely will they ask for finan-
cial help to attend a church retreat, however, because they assume someone must need it more than them. Quietly let them
know scholarships are available.

9. Delegate someone to oversee the necessities of your chronically ill attendees

Find your "healthiest" volunteer with a chronic illness, or a cancer survivor, in your women's ministry who would be the staff
member to communicate with attendees with chronic illness; one who would try to meet their needs and listen to their con-
cerns. Those who responded to the survey by Rest Ministries still attend retreats and most often contact the retreat director be-
forehand to talk about health issues they may have. But dozens of other people sit in the benches at church and never consider
attending a retreat because they assume it's not a possibility due to their illness. Make a special effort to reach out to women
who have a chronic illness by adding an extra line at the bottom of your promotional flyer that says, "Do you live with a
chronic illness? We have some special accommodations! We hope you'll make it this year!"

One of the most valuable gifts in our church that we often overlook is the wisdom and joy of those who live with chronic ill-
ness and oftentimes daily pain, and love God anyways. Each year in September is National Invisible Chronic Illness Aware-
ness Week, sponsored by Rest Ministries. It's a perfect opportunity to take a second look at your ministry's priorities and dis-
cover who is not being served who could use your encouragement. And don't forget to also include the chronically ill because
the church is missing out on their joy in the Lord, despite their suffering. Get them involved in a retreat soon! One of them may
just be your next speaker.

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Lisa Copen is the founder of Rest Ministries, and author of Beyond Casseroles: 505 Ways to Encourage a Chronically Ill
Friend at www.beyondcasseroles.com—Beyond Casseroles is changing thousands of lives, as churches hand out it around the
country, committing to finding new ideas to minister to those who are hurting.