THE VATICAN IS GOING INTO FORECLOSURE On Monday July 27, 2009 the Vatican was served with a Notice

of Default (NOD) by the Italian branch of Bank of America. Under the conditions of the default they have 35 days to come up with the arrear payments of $800,000,000 dollars plus legal fees and fines, or the bank will accelerate the loan and foreclose on the City within one-hundred and eleven days after the NOD expires. The Catholic leaders and the Catholic community are in a state of panicked uproar. Catholics all over the world have been instructed by their parish and clergy to transfer all their financial instruments and all of their money out of Bank of America and place them in other institutions immediately. Everywhere at the local and international level prominent Cardinals, Bishops and Priests along with well known theological scholars and intellectuals are buzzing with questions and looking for answers among themselves and their communities, holding radio broadcasts and televised open forums at schools, churches and town halls. Blogs filled with words of anger and grief blaze like wild fire across international lines by way of the Internet, Social Networks and the formal Media. No one can fully comprehend how a horrible catastrophe such as this could have possibly besieged this ancient time honored institution. How could one of the richest and most holy cities on earth fall prey to some heartless two-bit financial institution that wont even cover a bounced check or give you a car loan even if you have decent credit? The Pope and his advisors went into a closed door session at 3:00 PM on Monday and did not emerge from chambers until late in the day on Tuesday. Early Wednesday morning the Pope appeared on his balcony overlooking Vatican City. He made his stock patriarchal wave at the crowd and conducted a morning service before getting down to more serious business. As the cameras closed in on the Pontiff he appeared frail and unshaven. He looked tired and pallid from lack of sleep - worry lines ran the gamut of his face. When the service was over the crowd grew silent and the Pope began to speak I took a trip to Vegas during the time of the Pilgrimage, he said with one eye gleaming with childish mischief as he looked down among the crowd from under his Red Saturno, the Papal hat his mother gave him for his birthday. At first I was holding my own at the blackjack tables. It was as if his almighty was speaking directly to me and telling what moves to make. I heard his voice pure and clear as the prophet Moses must have heard it when he stood at the precipice of Mount Sinai and was handed the tablets which contained the Ten Commandments. He stopped for a moment, scratched his thigh and adjusted the back of his robe before he continued. I have had several private communications with God during prayers and meditation, but nothing as profound as this. The Pope reached for his golden staff and held it by his side. And eight of diamonds and a three of hearts hit the board and I heard the Lord say double down. The Pontiff took his staff and pounded it next to his foot twice to punctuate his story with

inflection. So I doubled down and a ten rolled right in. The dealer busted out when he pulled a card against a 15. He looked up at the sky, took off his Red Saturno for a moment and scratched his head and started to laugh. It was a miracle, truly a miracle. The Lords voice remained in my head for a long time as I kept winning hand after hand. The casino bosses must have known from my gleaming eyes and my fearless confident look God was on my side, and they were getting real nervous. They kept on asking me if I wanted to stop and take a rest in one of their luxury rooms, maybe take a nice Spa, perhaps a massage or something in order to break the momentum of the game. But I was hip to that trick and I wasnt planning on getting tired or loosing focus because the Lord was with me and lending me his mighty strength and his mighty courage. He told me to split tens, which is unheard of; I mean it just isnt done. I began to question him but he told me I must take him at his word or not at all - so I split the tens and they came up with double-blackjack. Oh blessed be him, for he knows all of what is right and good and when to split tens and when to double down. What a glorious day it was for the Lord, for the Vatican and Bennie. I lost all track of time I was wrapped up in the Lords time. The casinos, theyre pretty good at manipulating time too, but hiding all the clocks and tinting up the windows does not fool the Almighty. Before you could say busto-chango they were stacking cages with chips from my winnings. I have heard it said that money won is much more satisfying than money earned, and I used to believe that was nothing but misguided wisdom of fakers and fools but whoever said it knew what he was talking about, oh yes he did. Steve Wynn came to my table to see me. He told me how pleased he was that I picked his casino out of all the others to play in. He asked me to bless the city because it had been through some hard times lately from the bubble and the bust and all these other things that I didnt know very much about. I just made this short little prayer and the casino floor went into an uproar this being the first time any casino received a blessing from the Pope, at least the first one I ever heard of. What a magical moment. I hadnt felt such a sense of purpose since the war. It was like I was exactly in the right place at the right time doing the right thing. I kept thinking about all the great things I could do with the money, like help the poor, heal the sick and buy a new Pope Mobile. It was time to go. I had to be in Salt Lake City in the morning. Mister Wynn insisted that I stay as his guest for the night and I felt obliged after taking him down for over fivehundred million. He set me up in a beautiful suite that looked out over the city. I said my prayers and got ready for bed. Before I could get my slippers off in comes a crew of men hoisting a card table. They set it up in the middle of the room with chips, cards, a full bar, two hot looking dealers and players who looked like they belonged on the World Series of Poker. Somehow Mister Wynn knew I had a weakness for cards, especially hold-em poker. We played until the sun came up, and when it was time to leave for Utah I had one of my people call and tell them we would be slightly delayed.

To make a long story short I got skinned in that game. I asked God to get in the game with me but he didnt respond. I kept loosing hand after hand and start signing markers. I was running short-stacked and in a last ditch effort to make a comeback I threw up the Deed for the Vatican as collateral. My heart lifted when I was dealt pocket aces. I was sure I had made the right move. I smoothed called the bullets on the flop and the guy next to me went all in and so did I. It was heads up and we flipped our cards over. The guy had pocket threes, I couldnt believe it. What kind of schmuck goes all in with pocket threes? The turn came rag and this idiot spikes a three on the river. The next thing I know God was yelling in my ear asking me what the hell I was doing. For Chris sake I said, I had to make the call with one player in while I was holding aces. Where the hell were you anyway when I needed you what you get bored or something? No, God told me, he fell asleep and chastised me for being greedy. I told him I was sorry and he said it was okay I was forgiven. Even he got greedy once in awhile we all do. God asked me if he should burn the place down to the foundation. There wouldnt be any records of the games and losses and I could still get away with a suitcase full of cash in my helicopter that was waiting for me on the roof. All I had to do was say the word and he would lay waste to the joint. Wynn would pick up an insurance check and all would be well within a few months. I thought about it but I told him no, it wouldnt be right, someone might get hurt and it wouldnt be good publicity for Vegas. Obama was making it hard enough for Vegas to get its P.R. back on track, why make it worse for the City That Never Sleeps. God told me he wasnt going to get into details about the whole thing but he burned the MGM down back in the seventies under similar circumstances and everybody came out smelling like roses except for the unfortunate few that jumped out of windows. God said he didnt see that type of thing happening here. We could evacuate the building first by sending out a bomb scare and then blow it up into smithereens. People in Vegas love to see buildings getting blown up and I can do a much better job than those Italian guys theyve been using for all these implosions. He looked me dead in the eye and said it was my call. As tempting as it was I had to tell him no. I got myself into this mess and it was up to me to get myself out of it. God hugged me and told me there was a reason I was pope. He gave me his personal cell number and told me to call him in case I needed anything. I am here today to tell you all that I am sorry for putting our City at risk. I have been in consult with the best Jewish lawyers and accountants in the world and we are working on a plan. There are several moves we can make before Bank of America can foreclose on us. Loan Modification is one option as well as a bankruptcy filing. Worse case scenario would be we have to pull up stakes. Someone close to the Vatican has offered us a piece of waterfront land in New Jersey twice the size of our City. If push comes to shove well strip this place bare and move everything to the last mosaic tile to Jersey where theres lots of opportunity in building facilities for elder health care. Please stay positive and dont get nervous. I am the Pope and though Im old now I still have some moves left. And dont forget, God is on our side. Everybody stay well. I will keep you updated, and together we will get through this. You have my solemn promise that I will stay away from the table for awhile. But God knows I do love Vegs. Vegas The pope took a bow and disappeared from the balcony, and the music began to play:

Bright light city gonna set my soul Gonna set my soul on fire Got a whole lot of money that's ready to burn So get those stakes up higher There's a thousand pretty women waitin' out there And they're all livin' devil may care And I'm just the devil with love to spare Viva las vegas, viva las vegas How I wish that there were more Than the twenty-four hours in the day 'Cause even if there were forty more I wouldn't sleep a minute away Oh, there's black jack and poker and the roulette wheel A fortune won and lost on every deal All you need's a strong heart and a nerve of steel Viva las vegas, viva las vegas Viva las vegas with you neon flashin' And your one armbandits crashin' All those hopes down the drain Viva las vegas turnin' day into nighttime Turnin' night into daytime If you see it once You'll never be the same again I'm gonna keep on the run I'm gonna have me some fun If it costs me my very last dime If I wind up broke up well I'll always remember that I had a swingin' time I'm gonna give it everything I've got Lady luck please let the dice stay hot Let me shoot a seven with every shot Viva las vegas, viva las vegas,viva las vegas Viva, viva las vegas