Inside this issue:

Commanding Officers Foreword

Well Colonel Kev has flown the nest and is back in Germany enjoying a bit of well earned rest with his family.. and he has left me in charge! What mischief can I get up to? Well well find out over the next couple of weeks. Despite being out here Christmas was actually pretty good. The CO and RSM managed to get around most of the forward locations before the 25th to deliver all the Christmas mail and a special Christmas box to each soldier. It was all very welcome and they reported back high spirits all around. As the Regimental Second in Command I am based down in Lashkar You will be pleased to know the Gah with the Regimental Headquarmoustache has now been removed ters a small team of seven. Whilst Christmas day was fairly a sedate affair, with four of us officers spending several hours on sentry duty to allow the soldiers here some time off, Christmas Eve was lots of fun. It started off with a traditional carol service, well a group of very out of tune staff officers making a lot of noise (I can say this with confidence as I was one of them) and torturing the remainder of Lashkar Gah with 40 minutes of Festive anthems. Despite this we were filmed by a news crew and you may have seen a clip on Christmas day breakfast TV. We were then entertained by the brigade staff pantomime of Cinderella. This featured, amongst a questionably talented cast, our very own Stephen Hawkins, complete with wheel chair, as the voice of the attack alarm, Captain Alanda Scott as a surprisingly good lecherous Prince Smarmy and Captain Jimmy Ryan as the Gimp. Now Im not sure if I remember any of these characters from other versions that Ive seen however they were all very funny. It was great tongue in cheek, slap-stick humour and very inappropriate. It was bags of fun and just what the doctor ordered for the usually very serious staff headquarters. We finished the day in a more spiritual manner with a midnight mass. Given the various circumstances Christmas dinner was awesome with every location getting the full deal. The Army chefs excelled themselves to levels that would put Jamie Oliver to shame. In Camp Bastion the CO and RSM, along with those members of the Regiment who had made it back had a good time too. In 44 HQ & Support Squadron Sergeant Major Misun got up early, for once not because of old mans bladder, but to play Santa Claus and wake everyone up with a cup of coffee in bed and a present from the Squadron funds. Talisman Squadron, dressed in fancy dress, (mainly very dodgy lycra body suits) took a slow jog around the other Squadron locations, with mince pies and hot chocolate at each stop. In the evening they pitted their wits against each other in the TALISMAN top trumps quiz night whilst eating even more food in a squadron buffet.
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29 AES - Is it just me 3 or does the OC look a little too happy to be sat on Santas knee

37 AES - Check out 8 some of the Christmas outfits!

44 HQ & SP SQN Sleigh racing at Christmas

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77 Talisman Sqn and their Space Hoping antics

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11 Field Sqn - Looks 25 like the Ops room was the place to be at Christmas Photo competition 31 Get your photos in quick to be within a chance of winning a Fujifilm s3300 Camera Happy New Year from 32 Baby Hector

The Toejam Times An insight into the life of the Christmas Crinch

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Issue 11 31 December 2011

At 37 Armoured Engineer Squadron the OC and Sergeant Major headed up to see the men in Patrol Base Clifton where the Danes are based. There they had a special Danish Christmas what makes this special Im not quite sure, but they seemed to have a good time nonetheless. Those from 37 left in Camp Bastion spent Christmas making their own special recording of Feed the World followed by lots of Feed the Squadron as they tucked into a three course Christmas dinner, followed by pizza and films in the afternoon. 29 Armoured Engineer Squadron woke everyone up with hot chocolate and muffins. They spent the morning holding a sports competition with football, table tennis and darts. Then Father Christmas paid them all a visit and dished out gifts. Apparently it was Cpl Davies dressed up, although we arent meant to tell the Sergeant Major as he still believes in Santa. 11 Field Squadron were working hard building Check Points and roads as they were involved in an Afghan National Army Operation. The Afghans being Muslims do not celebrate Christmas and did not quite get what the fuss was about for them it was business as usual. So wherever we were the guys and girls were on excellent form and made the best of their situation. Yes, we all missed home but in the absence of our own families we did a pretty good job of enjoying ourselves with our surrogate family here in Helmand. Major Al Mckechnie - Regimental Second in Command

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29 Armoured Engineer Squadron

Officer Commandings Foreword
Merry Christmas! Despite the pace of life it was possible for the Squadron to take some time out and celebrate the festive season, even in some of the more far flung corner across Helmand. We made the most of the day having saved up our gifts from home to open on the morning (all children at heart!), enjoying Christmas dinner with all the trimmings and some strong banter amongst our band of brothers here in Afghanistan. I will not comment on the festivities too much as the articles following say much more than I could. Enjoy reading them and I hope the images on the Face book page help illustrate the occasions and spirit too, we are uploading them as quick as we can. With the New Year approaching everyone is very aware that we have gone through the halfway mark. Thats right over half way now! Our spirits remain high and each troop or section has some clear tasks ahead which will ensure the remaining time in Afghanistan passes rapidly; we even have the dates of the incoming Squadron now so it really is happening! Despite this welcome distraction the standards remain excellent and the work rate professional; I cannot credit the blokes enough on what they achieve on a daily basis and the attitude they maintain. We will tell you more in the next edition but I hope you can forgive the dedication to Christmas during this publication. On my most recent visits to tasks and troops I have been talking with each group to confirm my plans on return to Germany. My hope is that the dates for flights, medals parade and leave have filtered to you. I am unable to list them all in Trojan Times but I would highlight Thursday 29th March - Medals Parade in Paderborn. It will be a wonderful occasion in Paderborn filled with pride, showing achievement and a displaying unity. I hope that many of the family and friends of 29 will be able to travel over to Germany and share in the celebrations; it is a rare military occasion and I would urge you not to miss it if at all possible. It will be an excellent and appropriate climax prior to departing for a well deserved six weeks leave on Friday 30th March. I shall sign off this festive edition introduction with extending the best wishes of the entire Squadron to all our family and friends around the world. Keep safe over New Year; celebrate with style (have another tipple on us!) and good luck for 2012. Best wishes, Si Carvel

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Christmas Day in the Bastion House

By Spr Z Zallman
The day started at 0720hrs as I lay there in my bed, woken by the harmonious, (you were saved if you were tone deaf) tones of the Squadrons Officers & SNCOs singing Christmas carols as they entered our tent. They handed out hot chocolate and blueberry muffins for all of us to enjoy as a Christmas wakeup call. I saw a sight that I shall never forget and that may also haunt me for the rest of my days, the Ech Comd, Captain Mayland, wearing a morph suit with a Scottish flag embossed across it. It covered him from head to toe and reminded me of a comedy sketch regarding some scene Tea anyone? from Brave heart! That morning I would not have expected to have seen Father Christmas, two Pied Pipers of Hameln, a Scottish Morph, a walking Christmas tree, an elf, Elvis, (really, he still lives) a monk and Lt Tomsett, (as himself) all in the same room! The mighty 29 AES Sqn From there on the laughter continued throughout the morning with light hearted sporting events consisting of football, volleyball, doubles on the table tennis and to top it all off that physically challenging pursuit of male prowess...darts. Oh yes, this was a morning of physical challenges but what a laugh we all had. Between each event we had only sixty seconds to change from one to the other, if you werent at the location in time the opposing team could start without you! The Christmas day football, fun commenced and the banter was flowing. seems familiar However, like all competitive professionals, it all became serious with the OC dominating (2IC: Trying to!) all of the volleyball court and Private fast twitch Ogunnusi running around like a headless chicken (2IC: Probably man of the match) on the football pitch. It may have been Christmas day but good will to all men soon left the field Christmas table tennis, not of play, as all of the four teams that were participating were gunning for so familiar the top spot. LCpl Issacs team were top dogs winning a grand prize of goodies including confectionary and toiletries. Exactly what all top prizes should consist of! After the morning of sports we dusted ourselves off and made our way to the welfare tent to be presented with our Christmas Parcels. Father Christmas had flown all the way in especially to hand them out to us, (we had to do a double take as he had an uncanLooking pleased with the pants ny likeness to LCpl Matty Davies). We opened our Christmas parcels sent out to us from the Great British public and the UK4U organisation, receiving lots of useful bits and tasty food, all greatly appreciated.
Santa visits Afghanistan, he must be a busy Santa this year Page 4

We grabbed a quick shower, spruced ourselves up before heading off for our Christmas dinner. This was very enjoyable and the traditional custom of the Officers serving Christmas dinner to the men was observed. This was great and the meal wasnt bad either turkey with all the trimmings including the sprouts had made it to BSN. whilst tucking into this feast we knew that back home everyone was only just tucking into breakfast. Once lunch had finished and I had seen a Christmas with friends from both 29 and 11 Squadron, it was time to make those all important phone calls to the family and loved ones back home. Thats where Ill sign off as that its the stage that Im at now...

I hope you all have had a wonderful Christmas & all the very best for your coming New Year.

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CHRISTMAS AT PB2
By Spr Andy Kenneth McGilleth Mathieson
So its December the 25th, Christmas Day in the desert and the first thing that springs to mind is (quote wizard of Oz) theres no place like home but that wasnt an option this year and certainly not an excuse to be miserable. So in true engineer spirit this is how our day panned out 0700hrs and we were awoken to good old Gunfire except with Afghanistan being alcohol free we were treated to hot spiced apple juice or something similar. Weve had better but with the Santa hats appearing left right and centre we made our way to a good old full English breakfast as on any other day but this time being served by the officers - finally Capt Cox and Capt Miller did some work! As we returned to our accommodation we had a visit from a large elf (Spr Paul Sick Note Coveney) a small Santa (Spr Joe Lovell) and a weird reindeer (Spr Smudge Smith). Pictures paint a thousand words but few are suitable for publication! Santa had everyone on his knee as he handed out an array of Secret Santa presents ranging from an inflatable Zimmer frame for Spr Ash Old Man Knights to a rude shaped stress reliever for LCpl Pax Paxton to (best of all) a bottle of Iron Bru for me! As LCpl Ben Hodsoll had to do some work, we decided to pay him Not your normal Santas grotto scene a visit to give him his present and take a Tp photo. In all honesty it was hilarious, a good start to the day. We then all sat down to a Christmas film which turned out to be Will Ferrells Elf and regardless of age or rank again resulted in fits of laughter from all. Cheers Spr Coveney for your choice! After a quick break for lunch we had a games afternoon consisting of Nails, with some poor chippy, (carpenter) skills on display! The overall winner was LCpl Paxton with 9 strikes. Table tennis and Charades were next with LCpl Presents being handed Scotty Too Hotty Syratt winning the table tennis. Im not really sure which out by Santa team won the charades as many technicalities were called into question - I think a draw was fair and probably safer in the end! The evening meal was the traditional Christmas dinner that went down a storm; the food was great and yet again the officers were serving up Capt Cox and Capt Miller second notable contribution to the tour, they definitely earned their medals now! The first activity of the evening was Sgt Martins charity horse racing night. There were eight races consisting of dogs, pigs and horses with options to bet on and buy the animals. After a good deal of money had been Two happy members of 29 Sqnits won and lost we raised around $80 for the 35 Engr Regt Charity which will be used to help those injured during the tour. After that it the small things.. was Smudges quiz night with an array of prizes and last of all a poker tournament for the die-hard gamblers with gummy bears for chips. Those who didnt play chilled out with a film. On the whole, the day was cracking and there was not a sorry looking face in PB2 despite being away from our loved ones. Throughout the day there were plenty of opportunities to call home and the extra phone credit we were given was greatly appreciated.

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Christmas Day at Jahn Zeb

By 4 Troop 2IC
Just before Christmas, Cpl Debenhams section moved from Atal to Jahan Zeb to help the Afghan Engineers build a road luckily Santa didnt forget them and Spr Akiens tells their Christmas story. Christmas day started off with Santa (Major White) waking us up with presents and chocolates kindly supplied by the British public followed closely by Cpl Burke sticking his head in the tent and getting us together for a festive photo. It was a very relaxed morning with everyone phoning home to speak to their friends and family back in the U.K. Shortly after 1000hrs a Chinook landed on the HLS delivering a chef complete with Christmas dinner and all the trimmings. This was a pleasant surprise because until then we thought it was going to be a ration packed dinner. All the lads in the PB helped to set up the dinner table making the PB festive as possible.

A speech at Christmas .

We sat down for our Christmas dinner around midday and as it was Christmas the SNCOs and Officers served us our massive portions of dinner which I must admit is a tradition I think we should have more often. They also volunteered to cover all the guard duties for the day leaving us workers to relax and enjoy our Christmas. After we had our dinners we all piled into the welfare room to watch a movie and for some to have an old mans half hour. Once our dinner was settled we got down to some serious inter troop competitions. These consisted of a quiz, charades and egg throwing. Unfortunately 4 Tp did not come out on top but came a close second to Team America.

After all the festivities were over it was time for a nice hot shower a quick phone call home and off to bed to sleep off the turkey and get ready to head back to work the next day.

Who is going to be the lucky recipient of the next box?

Posing with the UK4U boxes in their very own Santas grotto

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37 Armoured Engineer Squadron

Officer Commandings Foreword
I hope everyone had an excellent Christmas back home. I think we certainly made the most of it here and you will see all the events and activities that went on across the Squadron on the day in the articles below as well as the additional photos that will get posted on to Facebook. I was fortunate to spend the day with the Sergeant-Major (as I spend every day!) and 8 Troop in Patrol Base Clifton. The troop has been working all hours there to upgrade the base and it is now really starting to take shape. We enjoyed an excellent Danish Christmas Dinner on Christmas Eve courtesy of our brothers in arms and then the SergeantMajor and I, ably assisted by Mr Abbott did some barbecuing on Christmas Day which turned out pretty well, if not a touch burnt (although to be honest I think Mr Abbott's strengths lie in the deadlift, rather than his barbecuing ability...) We have received a vast amount of mail over the period which has been very gratefully received, and I know many of you have put lots of effort in to sending out excellent presents, so thank you for that. It really makes a huge difference to morale so please do keep it up in to the New Year if you can. In other news, the funeral of Sapper Elijah Bond took place on 22nd December in Cornwall. The Regiment and Royal Engineers were represented by some very high ranking officers and Sapper Bond was laid to rest with full military honours. For those who wish, a number of local press organisations covered the day and various pieces can be found on the internet using a search engine. Plans are starting to take shape for our return, and although it is early days, the Medals Parade has been confirmed as 29th March with leave beginning on 30th March. By the time you read this we will be in to January and time will fly by I expect. I wish you all the very best for some excellent New Year's celebrations - remember to raise your champagne glasses to us, and of course for a safe and prosperous New Year. Keep safe. Major Guy Boxall

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Christmas celebrations at Camp Price

by SSgt Timothy Scotty Scott 7 Troop
So its that time of year and everyone is getting really excited, apparently even Santa had clearance to fly around Helmand (unlike the Royal Flying Corps)! So as the big day approached I was getting into the festive mood and putting my feet up for a well earned rest (the rest of the troop are all away busy building stuff). Then the first clanger droppedTroopy, AKA Lt The Coleface Cole couldnt fly up to FOB Khar Nikah to see the lads and had to stay here in Price, Great says I, thinking thats ithes going to want to play scrabble or sing carols all day yet all I want to do is have a lie in! Worse was to follow Capt The Carrface Carr, the Battle Group engineer ,also decided it would be a damn fine idea to send me out around the Patrol Bases to check up on Yes ladies I am single... Engineer related stuffTWO DAYS before Christmasnormally I wouldnt have minded but this close to Crimbo risking getting stuck in some out the way place and more importantlymissing Christmas dinner!!!! Well I wasnt too happy I can tell you. So off I set with my Lego-Builders escorts (our affectionate nick name for the Danish Infantry) to head to their bases and conduct my Engineer tasks and take some pictures so I can look ally when I show me Mum on R&R.All was going well until I arrived at PB Wiarla, this little base is held by a platoon of Danish Cavalry in the dismounted Infantry role and these guys are nuts! I think they havent had a shave since.well ever really, and their haircuts are even worse! (The OC would not be impressed!) Anyway someone said..I think we might be stuck here for Christmas because the vehicle is broken down..now I cant speak Dutch but I figured out what this chap was trying to tell me..all I could think of was bang goes my Christmas turkey guttedIn my best Polish I explained to these dear friends of mine (at gun point, only joking) that they had best move heaven and earth to get me back to Price (all my prezzies were there) and I didnt want to be the lone Brit in that camp for the big day. Luckily the Norwegians (ok ok theyre Danish but I love winding them up) sorted their admin out and got me back to Price in time for Christmas day! The highlight of Xmas day was watching Lt Cole find out last minutethat he was on guard duty at 1400hrs (Christmas lunch time)with Capt Carr.PAYBACK!!!! Then when he got back he went off for a run the nutter! (hes got some catching up to do with the OC, SSM, 2IC and Lt Abbott). So that left me and Craftsman Willow Wilson to get on with out original plans of eating food and watching chick flicks in the welfare tent all day, winner! (Eds comment: Staff you big girl!) Finally a big THANK YOU to everyone back home in Germany/ UK for sending us out tons and tons of cracking Christmas gifts and thank you to the Ops Room lads back in Bastion who moved heaven and earth to get our parcels out for us in time. Nearly there folks, keep smiling. Scotty
Page 9 A big kid loving Christmas in Afghanistan

From 8 Troop to the Armoured Support Group for Christmas

by LCpl Wright
Recently I have moved from 8 Troop where I was a section 2IC (second in command) to my new job as a crew 2IC in the Armoured Support Group (ASG). There isnt that much difference between the two jobs. In the section I had more lads to look after making sure they had the right equipment and helping my Section commander run all of the construction tasks that we have been working on. My new role is much the same but we work as a much smaller 3 man crew with a lot more equipment to look after (the tanks are very high maintenance). (A bit like Troopy Abbott). Since being on Op Herrick Ive found that weve all bonded more within our Sections than we would back in Germany. We all work, live and eat together and know each other inside out. You become a family, you look after each other and you are there for one another. Across the Royal Engineers the armoured ethos is ONE IN ALL IN. Thats what I was taught by my previous crew commander Cpl (Cliffy) Owens and now that I am with Cpl (Ginge) Dodson its the same ONE IN ALL IN. You will find the lads in field sections are jealous of us armoured gods because we can do their job but they cant do ours, so you always have the banter[pause for grumblings from across the feildies.]

I am lucky enough to spend Christmas this year with my armoured brothers. In addition to our Christmas lunch in the cook house we all got together on our tank yard for a darts competition and even had time for a couple of photos. We also had a water balloon fight, which soon turned into us throwing volley after volley at 29 Squadron who were attempting to play volleyball. In the evening we finished celebrating JCs birthday with a few movies and some pizza (to work on our famous armoured waistlines). (Eds comment: No one is sure which direction they are aiming for??)

Any outfit is a Christmas outfit providing you have a Christmas hat

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Life In The Fast Lane

by Sapper Gooch attached to 8 Troop
The evening I was told I would be going from working in the Operations room at Camp Bastion to 8 Troop was one of apprehension and excitement. I joined 8 Troop at Patrol Base Clifton the following day and it was straight into it. I had to take over my vehicle as soon as I arrived and I soon realised that life out here was going to be fast and furious. Although things are hard we always find the funny side, well nearly always. There is nothing better than looking back at something that was quite hard and laughing about it and the lads in 8 Troop have got that skill down to an art. Ive worked on a few of the Troop tasks in my time in 8 Troop and I have to take my hat off to them, I always knew the guys worked hard but you never really know exactly what it all entails until youre jumping in and out of Hesco baskets or youre stripping out a roof in your body armour and helmet.

A few members of 8 Troop dressing up for Christmas. All part of the warm welcome for Sapper Gooch no doubt!

The guys out here work very hard and Im glad to have had the opportunity to help out and share some of the highs and lows of everyday life with 8 Troop.

Re-joining the Troop

by Spr Jones 8 Troop
At the beginning of tour I stayed behind on the Rear Operations Group in Germany. On rear ops my daily routine was work Monday to Friday and fitness 3 times a week getting fit for Afghanistan. The guys on standby all had to do a weeks training package in Camp Bastion, and then return back to Germany once the training had been completed. I did mine at the beginning of December. Once I completed my training I was mobilised and sent to 8 Troop on the ground, I wasn't sure what to expect as it was my first tour. I was soon welcomed back into the troop with the lads again. Camp life was much different than living in a barracks in Germany, living out of food bags and shower bags was strange at first but I soon got used to it. Work was mainly building up the camps accommodation and the wash area. On Christmas Eve the whole troop cracked out the Christmas hats and tinsel and decorated the tents. That night we all had Christmas dinner with the Danish Amy based with us. On Christmas day the troop got a well-earned day off, waking up to green boxes at the end of our beds with presents inside. After a lie in, the troop enjoyed a lunch made by the OC and the SSM and watched Christmas films for the rest of the day. Roll on Easter
Looking festive with Christmas hats. Page 11

A very Danish Christmas

by Lt Abbott 8 Troop
The Troop have been living with Danes in a patrol base for the past 3 months. We have turned the patrol base which was a frog into a prince, which has taken many long days and lots of dirt. This has meant the Danes have had to accommodate us Brits, and accommodate us they have. So at this festive time of the year we thought it would be fitting to cook the 100 man camp a Christmas BBQ on the 21st of December. Little did we know the Danes could eatand eat they did. Sapper Mackrill and Craftsman Stevens were given the afternoon off to cook and by the end of it they looked like they had just done nine rounds with Mike Tyson. However the burgers, sausages and ribs were greatly received and as a wise man once said It is the thought that counts. It also meant that on the 24th of December when it came to consuming the feast that they had prepared, no guilt was felt! We had Duck, Turkey, Beef, Potatoes, cranberrys and some funny white rice dish which looked like a side dish but turned out to be a pudding, however I only found this out after dunking it all over my duck much to Major Boxalls amusement. Christmas day was filled with more Rom Coms then I would like to admit but it would seem the Sergeant Major has a thing for them and unfortunately he normally gets his own way. We managed to get the OC and SSM to cook Christmas brunch which was surprisingly good, and they are now known as the Ant and Dec of the cooking world. After a tough few weeks, it was a well-earned rest for the Troop. Boxing Day gave us time to reflect as we watched the service which was held at Bastion for Sapper Bond, he has not been forgotten and his presence was sorely missed by all during this festive period.

How many Engineer Officer does it take to light a BBQ? Z it takes one SSM

Neck exploding weight lifting on Christmas day.

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44 HQ & SP SQN NEWS

Officer Commanding Foreword

Christmas has been and gone with the Sqn enjoying the festivities of the day, as much as you can whilst being on tour. We are all now waiting with much anticipation for the New Years entertainment organised by the Deployable Engineer Workshop team. Cpl Coops Cooper has taken up the mantle of organiser as his team crumbles around him due to priority tasking and the odd lucky individual finishing his tour. The theme for the evening is Winter Olympics with skiing and snowboarding planned as part of the fun, should be interesting to see where the snow comes from. The Sqn continues to work hard over the festive period supporting the Engr Fd Sqns with manpower, stores and equipment. The morale of the Sqn remains high and the impetus remains strong. A large share of this momentum is generated by you with the continued support you provide in the form of emails, letters, phone calls, Facebook and what seems like a never ending supply of parcels, thank you. Chris Darke

Santa even made it to the RSM

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Christmas Day at 44 HQ and Support Squadron

SSgt Mick Pearse, Engr Gp LAD
The day had finally arrived and it was time for Santa to pay his annual visit to the HQ Sqn, however this year it was to be the OC (HQ) and his trusted Elf (SSM) delivering the Christmas cheer. They set about the task early that morning roughly 0930hrs evidently too early for some, delivering not gold, frankincense and myrrh (Mur) but beanie hats and PX gift cards. The presents seemed to go down very well, Sgt Carrington was particularly happy with his hat, as he no longer had to employ the tea cosy to keep warm.
Santa and his little helper

Once the last present was delivered the Sqn then gathered in the welfare area to enjoy a warm drink and one or two mince pies, whilst chewing the Christmas fat. Everybody had entered into the festive mood and considering the time of year being one for families, regardless of cap badge the family that is 35 was clear to see. It wasnt long before Camp 124 was under siege from 77 (Talisman) Sqn, some of the costumes were truly admirable begging the question how & where they were acquired. The visit was brief and it was soon time for them to continue on their quest of visiting the other Field Sqns. Enjoying a morning cup of tea and a mice pie or three! The moment had come for the main event, the fancy dress Sleigh Race. The four teams, LAD, Combat Support Troop, Resources and Dew plus SHQ, moved to the start line with their hand built sleighs of engineering excellence, well maybe not Resources. The race started with the unthinkable, a crash involving LAD and Combat Support Troop, this was a clever move from Capt Toby Green (OC LAD) as the LAD had eliminated the main competition from the race. The other two teams had built up a considerable lead. The requirement to complete a 180 degree turn at the half way point meant the steering design of the sleighs was What is the best way to burn off the mince pies? called into question, some faired better A sleigh race! than others. The return leg saw the LAD take the lead and despite attempts from Cpl Cooper to sabotage their sleigh, the horse power within the Corps powered onto the finish line claiming victory. The event had clearly taken its toll on all participants, as the sound of coughing, spluttering and retching could be heard up and down the Sqn lines.
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The Sqn proceeded to the BSN DFAC to enjoy a well earned Christmas dinner with all the trimmings as served by all Officers and Warrant ranks. The rest of the day was spent relaxing by the majority of the Sqn minus those carrying essential duties such as Sgt Chandler manning the Ops room. All in all it was a joyous Christmas day and yet another marker in the tour surpassed, the light at the end of the tunnel is gradually getting brighter!

Christmas dinner in Camp Bastion 1 Afghanistan

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77 TALISMAN SQUADRON NEWS Officer Commanding Foreword

Dear Friends and Family of the Talisman Squadron, Not quite sure when you will be reading this but Christmas will have definitely passed and the New Year will be pretty close. We hope you had a fantastic time over the Christmas period. I understand that most were able to have a chat with those at home and so you may have heard what we got up to on the day. It started with a bit of a lie-in, that most took advantage of, before being woken up at about 8.30am by Santa (the QM) and his band of helpers. Once we had found individuals deep in their labyrinths (that were once tents) Secret Santa and charity donated presents were distributed to all. This was accompanied by a cup of coffee to represent the traditional gunfire drink that is normally associated with a soldiers Christmas wake-up call. At mid-morning we all paraded in loosely themed Christmas attire for a light jog around camp. After a lively and pretty mal-coordinated warm-up of beach aerobics to Mariah Carey, led by Sgt J Bizzle Betts, we proceeded on our route to visit the other Squadrons and wish them all a Merry Christmas. After the jog we had a short photo session and some strange, but very funny, races on two man space hoppers! A fabulous traditional dinner followed which resulted in no food fights but a few short siestas! In the afternoon some played volleyball; some entered the competition to see who could out run a Protection Dog in a padded suit (the person was in the padded suit rather than the dog!); and some were less active and simply enjoyed a relaxing afternoon under a clear blue sky. Later on the Squadron came together again in Buffalo Bills tent for a Christmas Quiz and a buffet. SSgt Taffy Williams ran an outstanding evening that was enjoyed by all; especially 10 Tps Hydrogen Bomb team who pipped the officers of Miami Vice and the Humbugs REME team to win the Quiz. All in all Christmas Day turned out to be more Christmassy (and even fun) than we expected. For those of us out here, it was certainly one we will remember. I would therefore like to thank everyone here and at home, for making Christmas away from our loved ones a Christmas nonetheless. We are now looking forward to Talismans got Talent on New Years Eve, our BASTION half Marathon on New Years Day and breaking in to 2012 and our home runThe guys and girls have just completed a particularly busy 4 weeks, although there is still much to do out here. They continue to do an extremely professional job, in a forward leaning and positive way ~ you should all be very proud! Much of the strength that enables them to do this comes from you and so thank you for your unswerving support. Sam Hughes Officer Commanding
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Christmas fun with 77 TALSIMAN Squadron.

Wishing you all a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

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77 Talisman Squadrons Christmas

by Spr Joe Paterson, 10 Troop
77 Talisman Squadron decided to celebrate Christmas in a manner very much suited for operational life. We all took a day off from the long and arduous task of leading and clearing routes and swapped fighting spirit for Christmas spirit. The morning started for me with the sound of a zip opening and light poring into my room. I then heard HO, HO, HO as the many officers of our team walked in dressed up as old big red. With a cup of coffee offered, presents were given out to the lads. This interesting awakening was follow by the gents of 10 troop singing carol songs in their Santa hats giving out even more packages. Getting into the flow we all paraded for a morning run; but today we thought to add a little Christmas flair. In costumes big and small, covering a lot or not much at all we warmed up A Christmas day warm up with a bit of aerobics to the sound of a steady speeded beat. After a quick dance we assembled ready to get some distance into our legs. Jingles and jangles rang as the team made way, first stop 29 then a visit to 44. With everyone smiling and not those just on the run, 77 got back to the place they call home. With a quick shower and change we had the rest of the morning to relax. Midday came soon enough and it was time to get into our uniforms but still wearing our red and white hats. 3 rows standard we waited to see, it the youngest lad would be ready to march us from A to B. Dinner at Christmas is always something great we all know and the cooks out here put on a damn good show. Filled to the neck Christmas was going well so far. The night was creeping in but the day had not ended yet. We all gather in a meeting place to play Christmas games. I was not with my family this year but could not help but wonder that in a way all the guys and girls working out are kind of a family. During the games we had a quick bite and before you knew it, it was late at night. A long call to home to wish them all a great day it, I grab a light, cigar and smoked it away. The cold air hit me and I thought time to go, back inside even though I see no snow. Christmas could have been better, yes if I was at home. But considering we are here. I was happy as far as Christmases go.
Space Hoping?

I hope everyone in 35 Engineer Regiment both soldiers and their families had a good Christmas.

Not long now until were back home!

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CHRISTMAS TALISMAN & NON-ALCOHOLIC BECKS

By Spr Goode 11 Troop
It was 0830 on Christmas day the lights came on (I would say without warning but we all knew it was coming) but nevertheless none of us were happy with the sudden arrival of the quartermaster dressed unconvincingly as Santa, if that wasn't surprising enough we were given a small uk4u box and a cup of coffee. As I sat there uk4u box in one hand and the coffee in the other noticing that everyone else had the same confused look on there face as the group of well wishing officers and seniors came into the room we all realized that Christmas day had truly arrived and soon we would be running about camp in full festive attire a task that I certainly did not feel up to but never the less we all sunk the coffee and rummaged through the box of objects and trinkets that uk4u had put together for all the serving soldiers in theatre. By mid morning it was time for the run and it all kicked of in classic fun run style with a aerobic workout that the true intention was to make us all look like fools for the cameras, unfortunately it is not the kind of thing that one refuses to do unless you have a yearning for crawling on sand for extended periods of time so we all donned Santa hats and left for the other squadrons. the first stop on the 77 train was 37 and 29 which where inconveniently stationed on Bastion 1, when we got there they were in the middle of a volleyball game, which is a civilized way of spending Christmas morning I thought, after giving them a good well wishing we left, the next stop on the train of Christmas fun was 11 and 44 who were situated together (thankfully) after dodging the constant incoming rugby ball barrage, provided by our responsible grown Ups we pulled up to 44 to be greeted by mince pies which turned out to be excellent energy food for the return journey. We entered the cookhouse to enjoy what turned out to be a lovely Christmas and a free can of coke and more mince pies that you could shake a Santa hat at, I personally took advantage of the mince pie situation of which I regretted later when the evening meal buffet came around and more mince pies came out I took a page out the search do's and don'ts book and deployed the mark and avoid tactic, the rest of the evening was filled with a difficult Christmas quiz and the Sqn lottery, all in all it is a Christmas I won't forget soon and I also personally learnt that mince pies aren't best eaten in bulk a lesson I feel I wasn't the only who learnt that the hard way.

Spot the odd one out.the one without the hat

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My First (Tour) Christmas

By Spr Jack Hopkins 11 Tp
This was my first Christmas away from everyone and everything I know, how did I find it I hear you ask, it was alright actually, I might even do it again, just hopefully not in Afghan I was woken up at 0830 to presents and coffee, courtesy of the higher ranks, which if I am being honest is probably better than I would have got at home. I then got to open some presents (thank you welfare) and drink my coffee in bed! We followed this with a fun run, now I stand by statement that any kind of run is not fun, but, one this one occasion it was fun surprisingly, with different fancy dress and Santa hats as a minimum everybody was soon in the mood. We ran between the different Bastions spreading cheer and festive tunes as we went. However I do have one complaint from the day, no bread sauce with the Christmas dinner, I was not impressed, but I was still suitably full. Later in the evening we had a quiz, which I pleased to report my team, The Team with No Name, consisting of SSgt Salter, LCpl Alf Davies, Spr Archie Archbold and myself came forth, now you may think this does not sound good, but you didnt see the quiz!! So for a first Christmas away it went well, I had fun, which for me personally I think is the main part of Christmas (minus the religion).

Christmas day pictures

An Afghan Christmas with 77

By LCpl Ben Squire 11 Tp
The day began at 0830 with a wake up call where we were given a welfare box and a cup of tea or coffee, not sure which, without sugar!!!! (You cant get the staff these days). We then paraded for a fun run around Bastion to say morning to the other Engineers on camp, my favourite part was the warm up, with showed just how uncoordinated we can be, this was followed by Tp and Sqn photos, which I hope you like. The Christmas Dinner was to the same standard as our food everyday, which I am pleased to say, is excellent. Once dinner was out of the way I enjoyed a good couple of hours present opening and some quality Facebook time and my favourite pastime besides the gym, SLEEP! Early evening the Sqn put on a quiz, hosted by SSgt Its Platinum, not grey Williams which was a lot of fun and very cheeky. After a couple of rounds there was a buffet put on, which for a supplement guy like myself, had the nutritional value of a Kit-Kat. After the food was disposed of I took part in my favourite activity out here, 11 Troop together at Christmas
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TWAS THE MORNING OF 12 TROOPS CHRISTMAS

BY LCPL LEE GORBUTT 12
Twas the morning of Christmas with no people stirring no kids and no spouse, 12 Troop laid in their tents sleeping, dreaming of beer and sprouts. The aircon was hot and the stockings were up, waiting for Santa (QM) with his sacks full of joy. Then all of a sudden down in the corridor a loud noise of giggling we did adore. Twas Fat Boy Santa and his merry little Troopys, who burst open our doorways to give us our gifts along with the armys finest norgy full of Coff-tea. The lads awoke with such smiles for their presents we were to receive, a wind up torch and a free box of posh tea. Later that morning with such cheer and joy we went on our fun run to spread our Christmas joy. To all of 35 we did go and visit, most dressed up as Santa but Spr Pritchard not surprisingly dressed as a she. A few hours later we were marched down to dinner by the youngest of our boys now dressed as a He. With no hope of throwing we ate it all up. The QMs now not smiling and has eyes of a Hawk. We drank down our free cola and returned to our tents to get our heads ready for the quiz soon ahead. No one could imagine the questions that were asked, to hard for us all but mostly for the young. Our Corps history was treacherous and our song knowledge poor , but still 12 troop elders still managed to come 4th. As our Christmas day was closing to an end we thought of our families who werent stuck with us in this sand. (Editors Note, it was actually 11 Tp who came forth, but it served for the rhyme)

Havent we seen this picture before?

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A Christmas Mubarez
by LCpl Carter 12 Tp
It was so early it could be classed as late from the previous day and we are at the CMA for another OP Mubarez supporting a CLP in-load of supplies Stand up if you and stores. The weather is terrible, its foggy and are the real Sancold and too much moaning it was decided to ta early and cold for our logistical cousins and the Op was postponed for a day. However, it did mean that the rest of the day was fairly relaxed as everything was already good to go so we headed back to our tents. The next morning we got a lie in as we didnt have to parade until a normal working time. Again the weather was freezing cold, foggy but this time we got the green light and off we went, as we headed down out of Camp Bastion, we couldnt see very far the fog was that thick. But Talisman arent scared. We hit the main highway and everything was going to plan, we were heading to the North of the AO and as Ops go it was a fairly standard Op due to the route being predominantly tarmac. All was quiet with hardly any traffic out and about until we got to Gereshk where the traffic began to increase and we prepared for the challenge of getting through past all the market stalls, animals and vehicles that were always in Gereshk. We watched each of our vehicles to make sure no-one tried to pinch anything and with Spr Rivards driving and Spr Buckleys hawk eyes on the weapon we surged through the city in no time. Before we knew it we had turned off the highway and were making our way up north, as we had anticipated the Op was going well and we made it in no time at all. After a few kilometers we had to go cross country leaving the nice new blacktop road behind us and dynamic route select instead. It was a slow and bumpy process, and if there is anything in the world that will make you appreciate the motorway, this is it, we made it to our first destination in good order where the RLC dropped their first in-load, concurrently Ever the professionalbody armour the troop sprung out across our route and Santa hat while the second packet we escorted performed their task. An hour or so passed and the tasks were complete, we set off in an orderly fashion and headed back for Camp Bastion, once back in Bastion the morale was high another OP complete and another successful day. To top it off Christmas was just around the corner so we were all glad to be back in camp.
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LAD Xmas by
SSgt Simpson
There was no respite in the run up to Christmas with three of the fitter section being out on the ground with and not getting back to camp until Christmas Eve. Due to inclement It looks warm.trust us it weather there were several delays in operations and due to an imminent was not R+R flight, Cfn poppet Wainwright was flown forward to replace L/Cpl Grinch Walker. Thankfully the weather lifted and all troops were able to return to camp for the Christmas festivities. L/Cpl Walker is the first to admit hes not the most festive person in the world therefore, whilst he was out on the ground, the remainder of the section decided to decorate his bed space in the hope of bringing festive cheer and merriment to the miserable git! Needless to say Craig was overjoyed with our efforts and was the embodiment of festive fun thereafter as you can see from the photo! As always, no matter how busy we are, we still have time for darts. This last week has seen both Cfn Sean sharpshooter Mellam and SSgt I wish I was REME Williams both hit impressive 180s. We are unfortunately losing Sean to LAD main and gaining Cfn Josh Barnes in return. The way Sean has been throwing darts of late it will give the rest of us a chance of maybe winning something in his absence.

Is that a Bulls eye?

Christmas day has now been and gone and work continues as usual. A great day was had by all. An early morning wake up from the senior ranks with a brew and present followed by a fun run around the other squadrons from the regiment. An excellent lunch with all the trimmings was provided by the catering team and then we had a squadron quiz in the evening.

Another Bulls eye? There must be something fishy going on there

We would like, as always, to thank all friends and family for their continued support especially over the Christmas period.

The team looking as happy as you can be in Afghanistan over Christmas

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A New arrivals perspective

by Spr Cockcroft SQMS Dept 77
After 3 months of being on the Rear Ops Gp doing "great" jobs I finally arrived out here and joined the Regt on 7 Dec. Unfortunately though my timing is as Impeccable as always and I have come out here just in time to spend Christmas and the New Year away from home and more importantly the pubs. When I first got here I was very surprised at how good the accommodation was; I thought we would be sleeping in tiny tents with holes in the ground as toilets. My first week here was a life draining RSOI package which was way too cold to learn anything. I hadn't been In the What is this.no Santa hats? Regt long before deploying so I have begun to get to know the 77 Sqn Legends from being out here and so far so good - it doesn't take long to see why 77 has such a fearsome reputation! I am working In the QM's (Mecca) Dept while being here which, although there's always work to be done, I don't mind as I'm in the warmth and I get unlimited brews (although in fairness I am the one usually making them). As I mentioned earlier I spent Christmas day out here which was a lot better then I first expected. First of all I was woken up by Santa and his little elves (AKA the QM, the OC and the 2IC) with a decent cup of tea. Following this there were a couple of little presents. After opening our little goodie bags and comparing who got the best between us, we got ourselves dressed into some running gear. This was not the Christmas I was expecting, but I have to do what I'm told I do (hence why Im writing this article)! So the warm up consisted of Sgt Jay "BIzzle" Betts Introducing us to "The Squaddie Two Step" integrated into Dance Aerobics. I found rhythm I never thought I had. What has the army taught me? How to pull In Mangos on my return using a simple squaddie two step through 3 complex stages. Cheers Jay. Anyway, once the dancing warm up was over we got on our way! The plan was to visit each of the Sqns within the Regt and say 'Hello'!!! It started off really well, and then some genius bloke introduced a rugby ball. It was perfect if you were at the back of the squad (you could see the ball coming). Every now and then a person would unfortunately be wiped out by someone else's accurate shot. At first I wondered why we were running to the other Sqns who would undoubtedly be chilling out, relaxing, doing nothing....enjoying themselves.......and we were running. Then we got to 44 Sqn and the cunning plan hit me. Thats more like it, a sea of Santa hats NIce one OC, eat their pies, drink their brew kit and do one!! As I'm only doing half a tour it's only 3 months till I come back home and I'm already planning what I'll be doing on my post tour leave. I can't wait!
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PADRES PROGRESS
New Year is obviously going to be different for this year for many of us. In the past I have spent it partying around the Tron Kirk in Edinburgh in the freezing snowsetting off fireworks in Germanygoing from house to house as a student, always looking for the bigger and better partysitting around a meal table with friends and good food and wineor occasionally curled up in front of a few good DVDs with a bottle of champagne saved for midnight. Looks like this year it is going to be like the latter but without the roaring fire and the bottle of champagne! Like Christmas, it is going to be without family, without home comforts and without fireworks. And those resolutions made somewhere between setting out in the evening full of expectations and the following morning with its hangover and regrets? Those ones that seem to make sense at the time but within a few days have lost their sparkle and attraction. Is it something to do with all the emphasis on only looking forward when we should be looking back in equal measure? Looking at lessons learnt? We have New Year's resolutions. What about Old Year reflections? It would seem that resolutions that stick are almost always backed by a strong personal commitment to change. And commitment depends on deep reflection, including an honest look at what has unfolded during the recent past. Much of this reflection is done individuallyor over a pint or twoor around dinner tables; when it's done at all. The arrival of a new year gives us the perfect nudge. In order to do this we need to reflect on the past year. It is something that I have noticed that the Army does reasonably well...the lessons learnt scenario. But perhaps this year we could apply it to our lives and relationships as well. Here are some thoughts to start that process: If a headline and news article were written to capture our family and relationship accomplishments and high points for the year, what would they say? Forget all the task-driven achievements and measurable stuff for a moment. What are we plain old proud of from this past year? Can you recall what values were most important to us as the year began 2011? Where were we then? What values seem to be paramount right now? Why the change? What would we do differently if given the chance to circle back and relive one week of our choosing? What did we learn about our families, friends and relationships this past year, and how did we learn it? Did we stay in touch with our deep interests as individuals? How well did we nurture a sense of community and teamwork in our workplaces while valuing and enabling other people's unique knowledge, talents, skills, and interests?

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Questions like these will spark other questions and open the way to a meaningful conversation. It won't be the easiest or quickest exchange in recent memory, and at first, it might make you quite uncomfortable.. But it could be the most honest and revealing conversation you have all year. Thoughtful answers to questions like those above will point you and others to just the right resolutions for the coming year. Some serious reflection on the past will shine a much brighter light on how you and your family and friends can shape the future. One of the traditions in the church at New Year is to pledge again ones commitment to faith. A new starta commitment to change. Part of a prayer that is often used says this: I am no longer my own but yours. Your will, not mine, be done in all things, Wherever you may place me When I am troubled and when I am at peace. I willingly offer all that I have Somewhere in this prayer may be words that echo our need for a new startwith or without the fireworks!

God keep you all PADRE CLARE CALLANAN

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THE COMPETITON IS OPEN TO ALL PERSONEL INCLUDING THE ROG. THE WINNING PHOTO WILL BE FRONT PAGE OF THE END OF TOUR PHOTO BOOK. SUBMIT YOUR PHOTO THROUGH YOUR CHAIN OF COMMAND IN JPEG FORMAT, WITH THE ENTRY FEE OF ONE DOLLAR FOR DEPLOYED PERSONEL, ONE EURO FOR ROG PERSONNEL. COMPETITION CLOSES 15TH FEBRUARY .

FOR FUTHER INFORMATION SPEAK WITH YOUR CHAIN OF COMMAND OR IF YOU ARE PART OF ROG SPEAK WITH THE UNIT WELFARE TEAM.
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Baby Hectors Page

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The Christmas Grinch

Become a Squadron Second in Command they told me advertised it well they did, if I had a job description this is what it would read like from all I was told. Wanted, senior Captain with wealth of experience to run Operations Room in Bastion. Hot showers everyday, cosy bed and plenty of food. You will be required to coordinate, de-conflict and manage three troops across, 8 different locations including the scoping, development and resourcing of all infra-structure for two different areas of operations. Candidates should have previous management experience as you will have 100 subordinates to carry out your orders. Fun, exciting, challenging you say I know I was sold. Count me in I said. But this is not the reality now I know youve all been in suspense these last few months wondering just what it is I do so here, for those that are interested (of course thats probably all of you) is a day in the life of the Second in Command of Engr Field Sqn 1, 37 Armd Engr Sqn. 0700hrs: Alarm goes off, I should really get out of bed and go for a run as Im on Pegasus Company soon but Im far too tired, Ive been kept awake by those damnable helicopters again. Why do the pilots feel the need to sit on the pad for 60mins before taking off I mean come on! I hit snooze. 0730hrs: Alarm goes off again: I really dont want to get up, its cold out there I mean -5 degrees in the desert no one warmed me about THAT! I hit snooze. 0735hrs: Alarm goes off again, I hit snooze. 0740hrs: Alarm goes off again, sod that, I hit snooze. 0745hrs: Alarm goes off again, I hit snooze. SSM Driver gets threaders with me and throws something (good job the QM isnt here he gets really grumpy with my alarm.) 0750hrs: Alarm goes off again (cue expletives from rest of tent) I get up its far too warm in this tent and Ive woken up with a carpet in my mouth again, pretty sure all the oldies I share my tent with cant feel the warmth! Cold blooded old gits! 0755hrs: May as well have a shower and go to breakfast too late for a run now. I eat Rice Crispi's and a yoghurt. If I eat slim then I dont feel so guilty about not going for that run. Before breakers I go to check my emails just in case something exciting has come in over night or I have an important email to action. Nothing doing as always sigh somebody will think Im important at some stage. 0815hrs: Into the office. Check emails again, still nothing. Open up a few of my spreadsheets and start tinkering. Im a real master at these now, they are so complicated that no other bugger will ever be able to fathom out how to use them. They are absolutely guaranteed to cause Troop Commanders heads to instantly explode if read. 1000hrs: Pleased with my spreadsheet efforts I make myself a brew, a nice cup of hot chocolate no one else ever makes me one sniff; that Hubbard fellow is too busy off playing with OCs Tac and Cpl Foden is too busy playing with the Bowman again. I dont see the interest personally, SSgt Rowland has got a whole ISO full of some stuff called Crypto or something frankly I have no idea what the man keeps wittering on about but he is persistent, so I smile and nod a bit until he leaves me alone its seems to be working so far.
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1015hrs: Back to the spreadsheets; think Ill experiment with different coloured cells today! Not really getting much work done as the OC and SSM will insist on talking toot behind me. They say I have a habit of ignoring them, seriously I dont they are just SOOOOOO boring! All they ever talk about is how massive their guns are and why I dont have a girlfriend yet. Hah, I dont see them introducing me to any available sisters or cousins. Tried my luck with a medic type officer but kept getting distracted by the rubix cube on my desk, got the completion time down to 3mins 15 seconds now. Thinking of putting myself on one of these dating websites when I get back, think Ill open with my cube prowess. The Troop commanders keep phoning and bleating about manpower and other trivial problems, so tiresome, dont they realise how time consuming it is changing the borders to extra thick on all your spreadsheets to make them look a little cooler? 1300hrs: SOOO hungry, this spreadsheet writing is hard work you know. I have now worked out how to interlink over 10 different spreadsheets, and have hidden them around the web with various random passwords; hahahaha lets see them try to figure that out, theyll all think I am totally invaluable now! Right lunch time, OC and SSM seem to have stopped giving me grief. Oh apparently they have been waiting outside for me for the last 10mins better go. 1315hrs: Salad again today, eat slim to be buff. Gives me a good chance to see if there are any single ladies in the cook house there are not (boring). 1400hrs: Back to work, still no emails of import. Some rubbish from the Regimental Second in Command about work for next year (boring), driving courses (boring, ignore) and some other toot (boring, ignore, delete). Ah man, the Troopies are still calling, so damned demanding, thank fully I have two battle group engineers (BGEs), Laura Carr and Davey Robb; I pretend to sound interested in the Troop Commanders and then make the BGEs deal with it. I can go back to Excel in peace now actually I think Ill take the phone off the hook and have a snooze at my desk. Zzzz. 1630hrs: Time to report to Regiment, no idea what the blokes have been doing, building stuff probably; I cut and paste the troop up-reps without reading them, theyll probably be boring anyway. Regiment phone me to ask questions, I point them to a link to one of my spreadsheets, by the time they work out the maze I have created theyll have forgotten why they phoned works a treat every time. 1700hrs: Regiment baffled its time to hit the gym. I am looking MASSIVE right now. Pop to bathroom to check out my muscles in the mirror, then lie on bed planning my next set of exercises - Ive made this spreadsheet in my book and am transferring it to an excel one its going to be the best one yet! 1800hrs: Damn it, spent too long on my planning again, no time to go to the Gym, just about enough time to pop to the bathroom to admire my guns in the mirror , have a shower and get back to the Ops room for the up-rep. 1830hrs: Have to sit through 30mins of yapping while everyone tells the OC what they have been up to, boring I already know, building stuff (yawn) feign interest, OC keeps asking me questions, honestly does he think Im a BGE, its like he expects me to know stuff! I ask you! Fob him off with highly complicated answers involving Pythagoras theory and Maslows hierarchy of needs. He seems content. 1930hrs: Finally dinner time, no carbohydrates for me, want to look cut after all that hard work at the gym, I might sneak a chocolate cake and eat it before I get back to the table, if no one sees me eat it, it doesnt count! OC and SSM are waffling about something again, cant be arsed to listen, its probably boring anyway! 2000hrs: Back to the office, check emails, still nothing interesting, trawl the share point to see if Cameron or Gostling have done any interesting work that I can pass off as my own. Nothing, typical the lazy so and sos Gostlings excel sheets are getting better but she still hasnt mastered the art of the formulas yet, Im on level 18 now! Cameron is busy doing some Engineering thing sounds boring.

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2100hrs: God Im bored, OC and SSM chat is just getting worse, think Ill go to bed. Everyone seems to be in a good mood, apparently it was Christmas yesterday, Im not convinced, no one gave me any presents. If I sit and tinker with my spreadsheets a bit more everyone will think I work really hard. Oooo just thought of something really clever to say at the next Regimental 2ICs meeting, everyone will think Im dead clever. Must right it down Think Ill make a spreadsheet to store clever comments for different situations. 2200hrs: Ah bed, so comfortable, Im really not tired, think Ill watch films for a bit. 0100hrs: Boring, boring, boring oh well at least I can pretend Ive worked late again. Right better set the alarm and go for a run tomorrow, P Company soon, itll be so easy - Im massive from all my gym work, Ive got a spreadsheet explaining just how massive I am did I tell you its. Zzzzzzzzz. As you can see from the above, I am pretty damn important and without me the Squadron would ultimately fall over and what do I get for my trouble, irritating phone calls, lots of micky taking and I never, ever get to sleep in past eight I mean come on! And another thing - a few things that need clearing up

It's not a hairdressers' car thank you... it was very expensive! I am rubbish with the ladies; but at least I'm a gentleman. I am not crazy, I just have wonky eyes. And I am NOT THAT OLD, thank you very much.

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Glossary Ranks Spr - Sapper LCpl - Lance Corporal Cpl - Corporal Sgt - Sergeant SSgt - Staff Sergeant WO2 - Warrant Officer Second Class WO1 - Warrant Officer First Class Capt - Captain Maj - Major Lt Col - Lieutenant Colonel Afghanistan specific terms Op - Operation, mission, task (not surgery) PB - Patrol Base CP - Check Point SANGAR - A watch tower which is manned 24 hours a day to provide protection to a base Stag - standing in the sangar keeping watch and providing protection JOB - Joint Operating Base FOB - Forward Operating Base NES (S) - Nahr-e Saraj South NES (N) - Nahr-e Saraj North NDA - Nad-e Ali TFH - Task Force Helmand ISAF - International Security Assistance Force ANSF - Afghanistan National Security Force ANA - Afghan National Army ANP - Afghan National Police IED - Improvised Explosive Device SAF - Small Arms Fire SOP - Standard Operating procedure Sub Units Tp - Troop Armd Engr Sqn - Armoured Engineer Squadron Fd Engr Sqn - Field Engineer Squadron Hq & Sp Sqn - Headquarters and Support Squadron

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HESCO - Large flat packed containers made of thick strong wire containing a large sandbag. The sandbag is filled with sand to produce a large protective brick. The individual HESCO blocks are then used like giant bricks to produce a protective wall for our bases. HLS - Helicopter Landing Site Barma - Our drill used to find Improvised Explosive Devices with a hand held metal detector. Equipment MASTIFF - Large armoured truck with a with a heavy machine gun for protection. TALISMAN - A series of vehicles used to clear a route of improvised explosive devices. HUSKY - Another type of large armoured vehicle. MWT - Medium wheeled tractor (dump truck). SLDT(P) - Self Loading Dump Truck (Protected) - A small dump truck. Apache - Ugly looking attack helicopter. Chinook - Large helicopter featured in the film Big Friendly Giant. Sea-king - Royal Navy helicopter used as search and rescue in the UK. Merlin - Medium to large Royal Air Force and Navy helicopter used to move Troops around from base to base. Messages from the Editor Thank you again for all your support. Happy New Year to you all, may 2012 be a prosperous and happy year for all of us.
If you hear any news about anything that might have happened in Afghanistan, which gives you cause for concern in any way, please get in touch with the Welfare Office on +495251101213. We will ensure that the team holds the most up to date and accurate information so that they will be able to advise you appropriately or deal with the issue. In the event of any casualties they will be able to clarify the situation, in accordance with the wishes of the individual or family. Many thanks

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