R.

Ilon Steele
Revised Edltlon

To How

For MenOver35

ACREE REVIEUTERS
o Steele is hardheadedly ing scenarios, emphasis with practical. He's workedout as on strategybasedon underin Men interested sure-firea methodas you'll standing. approach find for bridgingthe sexual a no-holds-barred gap. generation will find this book unique, MICHAELPERKINS one of the most refreshing ScrewMagazine guides Womennot available. o Steele'sunique style is involved in defining chauvinist behaviorwill learn a one nearlyconversational, of pointsasa writ- lot, too. his strongest DIANEDONOVAN reading for er. It makes easy ChicagoTribune and createsan atmosphere off totallylackingin preaching. . Gloves truth!Far more His method of illustrating than a dating book. Bold, key points by telling actual harsh, funny, human, an page of stories his own missteps unpredictable turner.A makesfor mustreadfor divorced and his successes men. EDWARD HALDAMAN an interestingand engaging SingleFathersUnited way to learn.
JOHN DEMPSEY E. DivorcedMen's Council o Solid advice presented in

an entertaining,sometimes hilarious,sometimes touching manner. Read this book!

KIRK MATTHEWS Denver Singles Alliance

o Steele pullson punches as heexplains how to attractthe young, from dresscodesto actions. honest The approach and advice are unusually solidandexplicit- from sex and the young woman to analysisof her real motivationto step-by-step court-

. Otherbooksfor mengive pep talks and can't-miss opening lines. Steele cuts through that crap. His technique setting crossof up routines with the young womenyou are interested in puts you in charge. The Eleven Commandments of Courtship and Ten Commandments Meetingwill of work with women of any age.Justthis detailed advice is worth the price of the book.
RONMACDONALD SingleScene USA'slargestsingles paper

For TheManWhoRefuses To Buy0r BullshitYoung Women

Revlsed Editlon
This book offersrealisticmethods sound and advicefrom a 46 year old man who has dated young women for the past ten years.Steele tells you bluntly who sheis, wheresheis, then how to meet,talk with anddateher. The principlesare basedentirely on understanding young a womanand her real motivationto datea man your age. karn why shewantsand needsto be your lover, then how to let it happen,not makeit happen. ANDERSTANDING 18-24,25-29 AND 30-34 WOMEN IDENTIFTING WHICH ONES ARE INTERESTED IN OLDER MEN WHY S^E[E'S AFRAID AND HOW TO OVERCOMEHER FEARS HOW TO ACT, DRESS AND TALK TO INTEREST AND ATTRACT HER WHERE TO FIND HER AND HOW TO MEET HER SO YOU CAN TALK WITH HER NATARALLY WHAT TO ALWAYS SAY, NEVER SAY COARTING WHEN SHE KNOWS THERE'S NO WEDDING IN YOUR FUTURE GETTING THAT TOUGH FIRST DATE HOW TO BEHAVE ON DATES WITH HER SEDACING HER SLISTAINING YOARAFFAIR WITH HER
ISBN 0-5he0b?r-5-h

TEIEVI$()N SH(IWS
SeeDon Steele battlewith the bellieerent do hostsand the ball busters their audiences: in Montel Williams Jane Whitney JenrryJones Now available! All three showson a 2-hour tape. See informationat backof book.

RADI(I INTERVIEWS
Listen as Don Steele reinforces key pointsmadein the bookwhileheentertains informs.Over 150includine: and John Gambling WOR Ken and Barkley KABC DanrryBonaduceWLUP SusanBray WWDB David Gold KLIF CharlesGovetteKTAR Tom Leykis KFI Jay ThomasKPWR Charlie Tuna KODJ Barry YoungKFW Larry Glick WDH " Mike Pintek KDKA GwenFaulconerKTOK SteveRussellKFAN WCCC Sebastian Joe BohannonWBBM CarolynFox WHJY RandyMiller KBEQ
SYNDICATED Morton Downey Jr. Doug Stephin Now available!Condensed three9O-minute to audiotapes. See information at back of book.

To How

ForMen0ver35

DATE YOUNC WOMEN

ForMen0ver35

DATE Y(lUNG WOMEN

Book and CoverDesign@ DYNAMITE

Caalogilrgin PublicationData Main entry undertitle: R. Steele, Don How To Dae Yourg Women Men Over 35 For p. cm. lncludesindex ISBN 0-9620671-5-6 l. Courship anddatiry 2. Relationships

Copyright @ 1999, SyndeeAnn WhiE. World righs rcserved. No part of this publication mry be storcdin a retriernal or system,tnansmitEd, rcpmducedin any way, includirg but not limited to phoocopy, magnetig or other record, without the prior and of agrcement written permission the copyrightholder as well as the publisher

Printedby CentralPlains in Manufachrred the Unied Saes of America Fint Printing: March 1987 Edition 14thPrinting: Ocbber 1999 Revised

20 19 18 l7 16 15

To: CarlnAnn
The young woman who taught me the most, the hard way. Thanks for the memories.

ACI{I{OWI.EDGMENTS
Every book beginswith a conceptbut it takesconvictionto turn that idea into the printed word. I'd like to thank Barbara Kristenfor havingconfidence me to do just that. It all began in with her supportandbelief. Once writing begins,it takestenacity,disciplineand sacrifice. For your understanding enduring sacrifice,Linda, and my Penny,Sue, Suzan,Syndee and Vanessa, sincereapprecimy ation. Threeyearslater,someone to critiqueit. To everyfriendhas reviewer,thanksfor helpingme seethe forest not the trees,as well as for the vindicationandencouragement. Specialthanl$ to DJ Wilson and John Raphael,truly big picture editors,GeneBellevuenotablegrammarian well as as diplomaticquality controller,and SyndeeWhite, proofreader extraordinaire. Rqis ed Mition Acknowledgements

To MichaelHoy,orwner Loompanics of Unlimited,thanksfor recognizing winnerwaybackin 1988! a A specialthanlc goesto the thousands guys who have of written to give me what a writer needsmost-feedback,good old feedback. Withoutit, this editionwouldonly havein it what I've learnedthe hard wayduring the yearssince L987 .

CONTENTS
IT WHATTS ALL ABOUT? . . ., . . . . o ., . . Whots ReadingThis Book? . . . . . . . . . . . . . What YoutreAbout To Irarn . . . . . . . ., . . . TheProblem........ .................. Physical,Social, EmotionalDanger . . . . . . . . Find Her, Meet Her, thlk Wittt Her . . . . . . . . Intgrest fuId AttractHer . . . . . . ., . . . . . ., .... ... . .... .. .. .... .. .. o.. . . . . . . . ., ... .... .. ..... ... .

U N D E R S T A NH E R , . , D ............... .. ... The Tlpical 20 Ygar Old . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Conflict And Confusion - Situation Normal . . . . . . . . . . The 20Year Oldts Agenda . . . . . . . . . . r . . . . . . . . . . . What She Knows AboutSex . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . UnderstandingAll l8-24Year Olds . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Forgethigh school, big tits, beauty queens,disco dollies . . . RebelsAreThe Ones r r . t . . o . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ...... ... . H e r M o t i r r c s F o r D a t i n g Y. .u . . . . . . . . o. W H I C H Y O U N G W O M E N. . . . .. IntgrestedIn These . . . . . . . . . . WetreNot What A Difference A Year Makes . . . . . . . 18-19,l9-20r20-2lr2l-24 . . . . . . . . . . . The Best Yourrgl.over . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
BOYFRIENDS . o . ., . ., . . . .

T2 13 15 t7

r9
20 23 24 24 25 25 27

.... ... . !... .... . . o. . . . . . . . ..... .... . ........ ..

. . . . . r . . . . . r . . .

Which OnesHave Boyfriends? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 29 BoyfriendsWho Are JustLeftovers . . . . . . . . . ., . . . .. . 30 BoyfriendsOfConvenience . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 32 WHYYOUNGWOMEN...... ........ Why Not A Womm2l To 35? Why Not A WomanMy Age? Great, No Expectations! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . FarMoreThanBeauty . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ., . . . . . . .
UNDERSTANDYOURSELF !....... ! t I. t.. t.. t.

36 38 39 39

4l

Without A Little Help From Your friends . . . . . . . . . . . . 42 Are You Still Alive? 43 YOURMCIIVES.......... .,... 45 r..... .. What A YoungWoman CanrrotBe . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 46 UnrgalisticMotivgs . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . o . . . . . ., . . 46

HOW TO DATE YOUNGWOMEN HiddenMotiras . . . . . . . o. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . o

Only Change Constant Is GET READY FORHER

o....
l o a a a a a a a a t a a a a a a a a a a a a

49 50

53 53 YouRgFriends o.. r. r....... r r r.. t. I r.. r r.... 54 RealWorld Success Story . . . . . . . . . . . ., . . . . . . . i . 55 R e a d y T o T h l k . o . . . . . . . ! . . . . . . . t . . . . . . . . . . . . 55 C h , C h , C h , C h a 4 g e s . . . . . . . . . . o r . , . . , . . . . . . . o 56 YotRiderBrot |....... |....... |.. r......... o 57 YourPlacg ..... r r !.................. ! o.... 58 S m o k e . D r u g s . ! . . o . . . . . . . . r r . . . . . . , . . . . . o . . 58 B u S i n e s s C a r d. . . . . r..... r.. t.....,. o,.. r r.. 59 ReadyToShakg . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . | . . . . . . . . . . 59 .
SlimAndTrim t... r. r r. r.......... t...

60 60 61 62 Haif ................ r r........... r...... 63 MouthAnd Teeth o r . . . . . . . . r, . . . . . . . . . . . . . . o . 65 GlaSSeS r. r. !. r....... r.. r.. o........ o.... 65 Everything Else . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . o . ffi
LOOKINGGOOD ............ r.. ..... t.... o. D r e s s i 4 g W e l .l . . . . . . . . . . . ..... r... oor...... AbsoluteNoNots . ., t . o . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Plastic Surgery . . . . . . . . . . . . . r . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

T H E R I G H T A T T I T I , J D.E. . . . . . O' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' 68 a A - -RelinglikeAnEqual .\tFfr t lnF . o..... o........ 69
V- V - - l W VgY

Slow And Easy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . StepThree-Carch22.. r....... r r. o.... G!+o-D^"- - - Gotta Knory Whgn To Fold tgm . . . Jtgl, l't ltt (r+o" Ei"o - l'rve erEP Understandiqg The Competitors . . . Qran rirL,\ -- Accepting Your Fair Advant4ge . . ! . siv L,t,\/y
Lrr,Yr .r. Yvv
- f

sfen T\wn -

70 7T 7l 72 73 OnNotBeing Too Nicg . . . . . . . t . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 75

. ., . o . . or o... . . . . . . . . ., . . . . . . . o. . .

W o M E N F I R S T. . . . , . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Staning AtThe Ticp . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . o . . . The Big Breakthrough - Almost Women . . . o o . . . . . . . Iose A Battlg, Win Thg War . r . . . . . . . . . . . o . . o . . . .
ETIIICS .. r r............ r........ o..... t t

79 83 83 84 86

An Ethical Affrir With Her . . . . . . ., . . . . . . . . . . . r . 88

MightMakgsRight......

88 o o..... o....... o. r... VtrginsAre Only For Boffiends . . . . . . . . o . . . . r . . . . E8 89 r..... '.... BirthCOnfOl ........ '... r r.....

Contents . C o L J R T H E R. t . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . r . . . . . . . . 9 0 To Marry Her, Now What?, . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9I Too Old Courtship By Conversations . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9l And Tgsts . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 93 Rgluctance,Resistancg PrgssureOr Persistgnce. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 94 PatienceDuring Courtship . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 95 Ifs An Act - ShetsNotAWoman . . . . . . o . . . . . . . . . . 98 Fuck Upts From The Reat World . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 98 After Getting Good At It, Gods Takeover . . . . . . . . . . . . 103 The Courtship ProcessIn Action . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 107 Of The Eleven Comrnandments Courtship . . . . . . . . . . ! . 1I 1 FINDHER. . . . . . . . WhgreTo Inok . . . . . . WhereNotTo lnok . . . No Nots While Looking . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . rr. ... ... ... . . . . ! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. .. .. o. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .113 . . .113 . .tl4 . . .120

t.. . .122 . ... ... . ...... MEETHER ............ AtYourOffice. . . . . . . . . . . . . ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' 'L22 Where SheWorks . . . . . . . . . . o . . . . . . . . . . . . r . . .I23 Wedding ReceptionOr krty . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I24 ClassOr ClubMeeting . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .126 . .126 .e. W h a t T o D o \ W h e n M e e t i n g H. .r . . . . . . . . . . . . OnShakingHands . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . o . . . . . . .t27 The lbn Commandmen$Of Meeting . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 128 TALKWITHHER. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .130 WalkAMilglnHerShoes,. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 130 . DynamicsOf First Conversations . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 131 Onty Whgn ShetsIntgrested . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 132 OpeningLings . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . r . . . . . .132 Talking With Her The First Time . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 134 .. SgcondConversationsAndBeyond.. . . . . . . . . . . . . .136 WhatTo TalkAbout . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .t37 Inwiable Questions- Ethical Answers . . . . . . . . . . . . . 138 FifthCorversationsAndBeyond . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .145 . .147 . . F o o t l n M o u t h s t o r i e.s . r o . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ...148 DAIEHER o.......................... . . . . 149 AccidentalOr keudo Dates . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ., RgalDates- DonttAsk . . o . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 153 Filst Dates . . . , . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . | . . . . . .t54 What GoesWrong Before The First Date . . . . . . . . . . . . . I57

Xii

HOW TO DATE YO(NGWOMEN

Second Dates o . . . . . . . . . o . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .159 Third Dates And Beyond ., . . r . . . . . . . . . o . . . . . . . . 160 SEXWITHHER....... o.... o...... r. r.. An Analogy For Undenstanding . . . . . . . . o . . . . . . Seduction Follows Understandiqg . . . . o ., . . . ., . . Seducing Her . . . o . . . . o . . . . . . t ! . . . . . . . . . P H A S E T \ r y O. . o . . . r . . . . . . . Her Reasons To Keep Dating You . After Grand Times, Problems Begin SheComesThenGogs.... . oo, o..,161 . . . . 161 . . . . 161 . . . .L62

o... r...........166 o . . . . o . . . . . . . . . . tffi . . . . . . . o . . . . . . . . 167 oo. o......... o..1.69 o. ! o.... .l'12

WHoTSINCHARGEHERE? ..........

What She BelievesAnd Really Wants . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 173 ActlikgAMan . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . r . . . . . .174 BengvolentDictators . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .174
THE END . t . . ! r . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .L79

Dickin' Around With Nitroglycerin ., . . . . . . . . . . ., . . 180 Dods RecipeFor Trouble . . . . . . . . . . o . . . . . . . . . . . 180 She Changes, That Ends It . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .t82 D I S A D \ T { , N T A G E.S . . . , . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . , , , . . 1 8 5 . Men Get Hard On's, WomgnGet Hostile . . . . . . . . . . . . . 186 T a k e W h a t Y o u W a n t A n d P a y F o r l . .. . . . . . . . . , . . . . 1 8 6 t cLosING ADVICE . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . t . . . . . . o . . 1gg l t t s W o r t h l t A n d S o l s S h e .. . . . . . . . . . . o . . . . . . . . . 1 9 0 Itll Have My Memories . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 190 UPDATED HELPFUL HINTS FROM DON AND HELOISEL93 SexualFavors . . . . . . . . r . . . . . . . . r r . o . . . . . . . . .t94 AbsoluteNo Nots . . o . . . . ., o . . . . . . . . . . . 195 Updated Whatever Happened To? . . . ., . . o . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .I97 UpdatetST-t95 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . o . . .199
AudioThpes ........... r. o r r...... !..... r. .I99

Body l-anguage:A Guide During Courtship And Dating r99 Office Politics: The Woman'sGuide To Beat The System . . 200 DonOnTV Shows. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .2Ol . Seminars . .. . . ., . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . r . . . . . .2Ol Consultiqg . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .202

FOREWORD Raised Mition

How To Date YoungWmen came out in 1987. Each and every year since, about 400 men who want to know specific how things write to me. Usually the guy didn t understand crucial sometopics and tactics are. So, to help buyers of the revisededition, here'sa sunrmaryof the key points. Readit twice beforeyou start the book. This makesit easyfor your to of subconscious recognize relativeimportance topics as the you makeyour way. and SUMMARY:Followmy adviceaboutexercise gettinginto Find andmeetyoungmenandmakefriendswith the ones shape. youlike. Don t try to dateyoungwomenuntilyouarecomfortable dating older women. Dressing well and looking good are absolutelymandatory.Flip the book closed and read every sentence the backcover.The key: let it happer,don't mnke on it happen. Remember what ajerk you wereat age so you canunder20 standwhereshe'scomingfrom. Only intelligent,independent, youngwomenareinterested olderlovers. rebellious in Many are in Acting 101 at the local Junior College.The youngershe is, the harderit is to meet,talk, date. Theyall wantto getmarriedandmakebabies, consciously or subconsciously, "is this leadinganywhere"is always her so on mind evenafter you get it going.Youare goingto fuck up time and again,so what?Learn from your mistakes. you want to If getmarried,you'rereading wrongbook. the The third most importantthing is to haveTheRightAttitude. Shehaswhatyou wantso you mustbe what shewants- aman, a real man, not a boy.Be a man all the time abouteverything. you She'safraidyou will useandabuse because sees her she aspowerful.Slowandeasy. it happen. Let

you must havea string of pearls at leastthreepearls long to be relaxedand confident. That stateof mind is mandatory. To attract young women, you must be different from boys. Different works. You must be able It takestime for her to becomeinterested. to Get informed.Subscribe to talk aboutthingsshecaresabout. stations. Listento her radio maguzines. olinnand People Cosmop her Don't bother approaching unlessshe's tv shorvs. Watchher the so you cantell from across Learnbody tanguage interested. signals. room. Youngwomensendfar more subtle you mustbe a benevolent dictator.Youmustremainin charge. real men are always Shewantsa man, a real man. Shebelieves to Shewill testyouendlessly seeif you're Be in charge. in charge. in charge. as are of Females all ages manipulative a way of life because use brute force to get what they want from us men. they can't but Someof themcanbe re-trained not many.That'sjust the way acceptandbe prepared. it is. Don t whine. Understand, emotion,worth livirrg for andsometimes Love is the grandest enjoyit, and not worthdyingfoi. whenit happens, if ithappens, You causeher to changefar more her, for as lolg as it lasts. quickly thanshewouldif shehadnevermetyou. Eventually'she witt wantto go on with her life. Whenit ends,asall goodthittgs must,don t 6k, "why ffi, God?' Thkewhatyou uant from life, has everything a price. I sayit's worth anyprice. but remember Enjry the memories. GET YOIJR MII\D RIGIIT Beforesteppingoff onto the slippery slopeof dating young line-by-linethe Read Contenrs women,takea fewmoreminutes. so your subcorncious you learn more easily. It helpsorganize Attitude,whichismandatory Right The Next,bJgindeveloplng and to dateyoungwome"l Uyreadingthe insideof the bac,k front covers. the Okay,now it's time to get on with mastering art of dating "Good Luck!' You won't know what that really youngwomen. meansfor about2OA Pages.

only lessons. Thereare no answers,

SUE TSUNODA-CARROLL January1987

Deep in Decembr,it's nice to remember.

BELLAFONTE

whot',sIt All About?

When you're 75 yearsold, what will give you pleasure? My pleasurewill probably come only from remembering. Thirty yearsfrom now, this is how it will happen. me nudges ThereI am, dozingin my wheelchair. Somebody awake.I openmy eyesand seegiant tits strainingthe zippered front of a white uniform. I look up into the smiling black face She of Mandy, the 20 yearold attendant. grirn a toothy smile, *Time fo' sumsunshin',Donny." I nod politely, thendrop my familiar. I eyes to her large bosom and stare. Something's struggleto remember. She pushesme down the hall toward the verandaof the away. As chattering Villa, pleasantly GoldenYearsRetirement memory.Gradually shetalks, her dialecttriggersmy foggedup percolate up, old images,smells,feelings,sounds,sensations In I flood my consciousness.grin, startslobbering. my mind, It's thereI am againwith my only black young lover, Genette. not 2016any longer,it's 1979. I haveher bra off but I can't get thesetight jeansdown over me her wonderfullybig, 22 yearold hips. To tease sheputs on

HOW TO DATE YOUNGWOMEN

her bestjive talk, "Shit! You whiteboysdon' kno' nuffin 'bout no black ass," grabsthe waist andpeelsthemoff, gigglingthe wholetime. I'm eatingher. She takesmy fingers off her nipples, and thosegiant to without a word, showsme I'm supposed smash her tits against chest,rub them 'round and 'round. Shecomes later shecomesharder.I get on and get us off, hard. Seconds
ttbof us. "

Thirty yearsfrom now what will you remember? WHO'S READING TIIIS BOOK? When Hugh Hefner first askedBarbi Bentonout she said, " "Well, I've, uh, never datedanyoneover 23 before. Hef without hesitation,"That's okay. NeitherhaveI. " responded (Understator resources knowledge. You don't haveHefneros ed, right?) You're 40 plus or minus a few, divorcedor about to be. You don't want to buy a youngwomanwith gifts. the Someof you are experiencing roller coasteremotions immediatelyfollowing divorce or are acting out Middle Age haveto be dealtwith and Crazy.If that'syou, theseconditions practice what I preach. While resolvedbefore attemptingto getting it together,or at least into a pile, prepareyourself. Believeme, there'splenty to do and learn. If you insiston goingafteryoungwomenbeforeyou're done with the emotionalaftermathof a marriageending, you'll set yourselfbacka year,that'sif you havea giantegoandthe skin you'lI be happy you'll get so humiliated of a rhino. Otherwise to keepdatingthat 38 year old divorceewith three kids. in, Finally,you'reinterested ro, that'swaytooweak.You're lusting after young females.Trouble is, you don't have the ideahow to meet,talk with and datethem. slightest WIIAT YOU'RE ABOIJT TO LEARN Seenmany men datinggirls 18 to 24 yearsold? That's not the because mendon't wantto, now is it? Couldit be ten million of them readthe book quotedbelow?The poor sapsthink all * they haveto do is walk up and spewone of the author's 100 Lines." BestOpening to The ftrst, andreallytheonlythingit takes pick up girls,is that'sit. You Basically to talk to them. find a chickwhoturns on dimple youon,youstrollrightupto her,andyouSQ, 'Thrat

What'sh AA About?

your lefrlmeeis absolutely .. sensationnl!' . Ttmt'sallthere is to it. If you can do tlw\ you can really pick up girls. By the tntckloadsl nruC Wfnnn) HowToPickUpGirls:Feahrring Interviews
Wittr 25 Beautitul Girls.

Do you suppose Weberreally believes only thing it takes the "is to talk to them?"Maybethe25 beautifulgirls he interviewed werein his wet dreams? The "dimple" line andhis othersmight work if a Tom Sellecklook-alike"strolled right up" and tried it. That's assumingthe "chick" could keep from laughing hysterically,an assumption very few men with three-digitIQ's would make. This is not a book of interviewswith young women and a guess to whatit all means. writer's disguised as This is a how-to bookby a 46 yearold manwho hasdoneit for thepastten years and continues do it. to I explainhow to makeyour fantasies cometrue but right now that's exactly what they are, fantasies. You are going to learn how white, or raisedwhite, middle classyoung womenthink, what's importantto themandwhattheywantfrom a nnn. You'll know what you haveto be andlook like to attracther. I explain where to find her, how to meet her, what to say to her, principlesof courtingwhenyou're 20 yearsolder than sheis, whather realmotivesarefor datingyou, how to behave dates on and how to seduce her. I tell you the must do's as well as the You're going to know what she has to offer and what you absolutelycannotexpectfrom her. You will end up knowing what it really takes for a fortyish man to date a twentyish woman. My experiences here for you to learn from, good are 'When ones,funny onesandhorror stories. donereadingyou'll avoid many of the mistakesI madeas you learn the complex, delicaterituals andcourtshippractices insisted uponby a young womaninterested an older man. in But you haveto learn by doing. If you want to break, then ride a horsa,? wild youngrnare,you can't reada book thensit on the corral fencetheorizrngaboutit. You have to climb on and get thrown, againand again.Eventuallyyou'll realiznyou must talk gently to her, letting her know you intend no harm, showingno fear while radiatitrg,"I'm in chargehere." When

HOW TO DATE YOUNGWOMEN

you can do that she'll let you mount her and won't buck you off. There are 13 million young womenout there. At this very momenta half a million of themarebeingcourtedby mentwice their age.Tensof thousands havingaffairswith anolderman are right now, loving everyminute.So how do you get involved? You alreadydate women, right? No matter how old she is the steps the same:find-meet-talk-date. are What's the problem then, you ask? THE PROBLEM. Clearly stated,you don't know how to: (1) find her (2) meether and (3) talk with her. Dating follows naturallyif you converse with her correctly,based the rules on you of engagement sheunderstands as them.Presently solvethis problemseveraltimeseachyear, the only difference three-part is the female'sage. Find Her. Where do you find womenright now? At work, in bars, attendingclasses,through friends, at parties and places,like the post office. in sometimes the mostunexpected You find young womenin the sameplaces!No shit, you say. Well, everywhere exceptbars. Forgetthem, muchmore later. My point is, findingher is not a big part of thisproblem.You havetheprimaryresource solveit sittingon top of your neck, to your big head,not to be confused with your little head,which often prevents solutionto any part of this problem. a Meet Her. It's no different from meetinga woman. You you or sheintroduces introduces introduceyourself,someone right llow. herself.You havenearlyall the skills andresources This partof theproblemis solved with only yourbig head,some But chutzpaand learninga few techniques. that's after, only her, what shewantsfrom you and what after, you understand she'safraidof. up Talk With HeF.Look closelyat this one.It is made of two is deliveringan opening thatwon't makeher line tasks.TaskA don't useany her laughat you or scare away.For Christ'ssake, the from How to Pick Up Girls, okay?Task B is sustaining for long enough her to realizeyou are (a) safe(b) conversation interesting (c) attractive. and the ESSENCBOF THE PROBLEM. The substance, essential the difference, core,or, to put it moresuccinctly, entiregod the damned thing comesdown to Task B with its four sub-tasks.

It Wlnt's AAAbout?

Susnined&ntacL You haveto talkwith her for a minimum of four or five minutes.At this point you don't knowmuchabout under 25. You don't yet havethe ability to talking with anyone she carry on a conversation can, like, relateto. You know, like, on her level. Simple, you know, like friendly, relured, You know, like, well, totally casual.No, they're not all air heads *casual' is whateverylastoneof themneeds or valley girls. But to realizeyou'rd not dangerous.She is afraid you might be physically dangerousas well as socially and emotionally dangerous. PhysicalDanger. Shethinlrsyou couldbe the Night Stalker's brother or a dirty old rnantrylng to cop a feel. Being relaxed and friendly makesit possiblefor her to seeyou're safe. You do this with women. Young womenjust take longer. But it isn't how much longer it takesher. The real problem is your lust, your excitement,your impatience,your lack of you your fear of rejection.Thesecombiro, causing confidence, you could to radiatebadvibrations.Shepicksthemupandthinls ul-ater,old man,' be very dangerousLt which point shesays, , with or without words. SocialDanger. You'll soonlearnhow to controlyourselfand your emotiornwhentalking with her. Thenyou mustfigure out how to calm her fear of the threatyou poseto her socially. In simpleEnglish,you learnhow to not be director obvious.You have to be casualenoughso she doesn't have to worry her boyfriend,will ridiculeor reject and friends,peers, possiblyher her if she'sseentalking with you. The problemis not her fear, it's you but not your emotions. It the You haven'tmastered art of beingcasual. is not necessxr!, easy approachwith to often counterproductive, use a slow whentalkingwith a womanin front women.If you aren't casual of her friends, she'snot worried, "He was trying to pick me up. So what?" A youngwoman'snot only worried aboutbeingseentalking with you. Shehasfar more to loseby datingyou. If her friends No find out shewill be ostraeized. youngmanin her circleswill some considerher as a wife, feeling she is usedmerchandise, man'scastoff. The way our world workspeopleonly smirk old her, aboutyou but theystronglycondemn callingher sick, a gold

HOW TO DATE YOUNGWOMEN

digger, promiscuous a slut. With patience, view of you or her associallydangerous betransformed the realization can into you are discreet,subtleand sensitive her situation. to Emotional Danger. She thinks you're so powerful, so you knowledgeable, will beableto sexually her,thendiscard use her. This is her biggestfear. Althoughthis sounds impossible to overcome, isn't. I spend it fewerpages thisthantheothers. on Trial and error, mostly error, will teachyou what to do. INTERESTING At{D ATTRACTING HER. I don't mean to be glib but after you know how to deal with her fears you only have to be yourself. Of course you have to look like someone she'd like to talk with but that's all explained.Then you have to religiously follow the Ten Commandments Of MeetingandtheElevenCommandments Courtship.You must Of alsohave"AnswersTo Inevitable downpat. At that Questions" point you only haveto get up, dust yourselfoff and get back on every time you get thrown. Like Paul Hornung said, "Practice,practice, practice. " TIIE PROBLEM CLEARLY RESTATED She'safraidandyou don't knowhow to put her at ease. There it is in one simple sentence.Some elaboration.The only differencebetweenfinding, meeting,talking with and dating a 37 year old and a 20 year old, is learning how to calm and neutralizethe younger woman's far more intensefear of the Her. To consequences. do that, you must Understand

Helpfulhint: If youdidn'ttaketimeto readtheForeword, take you so a moment It the before continue. sets stage youcanlearn
more, and remember it much more easily.

The only person more conftned about W tlmn an adolescent female is a middle aged rnnn.
UNKNOWN WISE PERSON

Understand Her
I describe unsettled andtroubledtimesof the tlpical the life 20 yearold who canbecome interested datingan older man. in When you understand you onty needto know, on average, her youngeronesareworsein everyway, betterin none.The older onesare better in every way, worse in none. Double the generaldisarrayof this 20 year old's life for a 19yearold. Quadruple for an 18yearold. If she'sstill in high it school,multiply by ten. For eachyearpast21 her problemis reduced twenty five by percent.A 23 year old living away from homehas eliminated two thirds of the 20 yearold's negative situation,if shehasno kids. With evenone,her problems twentytimesgreaterthan are any 18 yearold's. A coupleof yearsout of high schoolher old world falls apart. Friends move away or marry and have kids, others stay at collegeall year. She's standingwith one foot in the teen age world, the other in the adult world, tt 20. However,a femaleof 22retairnall thegoodqualitiesof being young but has discardedmost of the baggageand burdensof youth. With her enlargedsense self she's much simpler to of deal with, requiring far less time and energy on your part initially and throughoutthe affair. But, I had to find out for myself about18 year olds. You will too, probably.

HOW TO DATE YOUNGWOMEN

TIIE TYPICAL 20 YEAR OLD but Shelives with a coupleof roommates only recentlyleft home. She'sneverlived with her boyfriend.Shehasa job or is going to college.She has a car. She doesn'thave a drug problem. She may have had an abortiotr,the odds are 80-20 job it. against Her IQ is 110.Shegaveher first hand at 15, then gaveup her virgimty at the JuniorProm.Her bestsexwaswith in someguy shepickedup oneweekend Palm Springs.He was 26 but nevercalledwhenshegot backto LA like he promised. marijuanaor snortscokeat partiesand at home Shesmokes when she'sbored. Shedrinks at home,at partiesand in clubs herselfas a grown up. She'snot shy and bars whereshesees but not a rowdy extroverteither. Shefollows fashionbut isn't a trendyperson.She'shad the sameboyfriendfor a year and a half. At 23, he still lives with his parentsand has a job, sometimes. her, get your fogged up memory To really understand Whatwasit likebeingpowerless? 20 working.Thinkback years. havea few dollars?What was it like What was it like to only thinking everyonewas watching you? What was it like not knowing what you were doing, having to bullshit your way you whatanasshole were at20. Recallhow Remember through? actinglike you knew all about to totally cool you pretended beo life and love. She'sno different. CONFLICT AT{DCOMUSION - SITUATION NORMAL most valuesour culture sanctimoniously She'sinternalized hypocrisy. preaches she'sbeginningto noticewidespread but the Sheis questioning rationalityof someideasandis considering the possibilitythat manyrulesfor behaviorare wrong, not just for her, but for all societY. by generated her own mutually Strong,conflicting emotions moodsto comeandgo without valuesandgoalscause exclusive for warning. Sheoften feels out of control and compensates it In short,aself-contradicting anything. in by believing something, and blendofJerryFalwell's,Ann Landers' HelenGurlyBrown's rules and regulations. the She'strying to become womanshehastackedup on the herselfto that idealeverydilY, Comparing wall insideher head. aboutlife, love, sex, shefinds herselflacking.Sheis confused

Understand Her

parents, loversandon and marriage, babies, career, boyfriends, on. Her life is a jumble. Unsettled aboutthe future, shedecides "onceandfor all' at leasttwicea month.She'sinsecure because of her lack of knowledge,experience,power, money and independence. Whencomparing herselfto otheryoungwomen, Having no idea sheseesonly their facades self confidence. of her friendsarejust asuncertain,shefeelsisolated,alone.The more insecure is, the more shecoversit up. She appears she to aloof, cool andsophisticated, especially you. Thoughts feelings and arisefrom nowhere. wantsto stab She her Dad and chokeher 13 yearold sisterbecause brat gets the to do everything wasforbidden that age.Shefeels"sick" she at for wantingto feel her co-worker'sbig tits. Guilt ariseswhen announcing doesn'tgo to churchanymore.After masturbatshe ing shewondersif God wasreally watching.Sometimes she's so terribly lonelysheseriously killing herself.To her considers there's no reason for these feelings. Her problems seem monumental. hasno ideait's normal, late adolescent She dues paying. Shehasno perspective from which to judge. For monthssheknowswhat sheis andwhat shewants,then suddenlyshe has a changeof heart. No longer doesshe want to be a CosmoGirl, shewantsto be a trendy teenager again. Six weekslater shechanges imageto YuppieIn Training. her After working in anoffice for a half ayearshercalizes how hard it is to makemoney.Then shegoesto a romanticmovie with Jimmy. They talk aboutgettingmarried.Shedecides she'dlike to stayat home,&trivy covered cottage, raisetwo cutekids. and that Shebelieves if shedoestheright things,eventually she'll be rewarded. her there'sonly oneright way to do anythitrg, To including having a relationship with a male. You're a male. yourself. Prepare "It will be easywhen I'm 25," is one of her deeplyheld beliefs.Shethinksshe'llbe ableto copeeffectively with "men," parents life in general. youngpeoplethink everything's and All supposed go smoothly.They haveno idealife is nothingbut to a seriesof obstacles, feelingGod or fateis punishing testing or them when a problemcomesinto their lives. Whenshemeets malein society's a acceptable rangeshe age sees only a potential husband. andher counterparts She believe

rc

YOUNG TO HOW DATE

in the nuclearfamily andwant to be the centerof onesomeday. The differenceis, in her family everyonewill be happy: She thin*s shecan make it work, just as you and I did. wrong about this Don't argue or try to convinceher shens severely. your views if pressed belief or any others.Only offer with her. Life, andyou're part of life, It is not usefulto debate will eventuallyprove how ridiculousand hlpocritical most of goalsare. our culture's rules, traditionsand gender-specific six yearsold until she from The self conceptshedeveloped startedher period is lurking in the background.Her new self jeopardyassheconfrontsmore is solidifyingbut it's in constant more of what the adult world hasto offer, includingyou. and you'd loveto strangle she Understress turnsinto a brat of eleven or a frightenedfive year old you haveto hold on your lap. She feels tike a failure from her sophomoreyear of high schoolon, if shedoesnot havea boyfriend.It doesn'tmeanshe won't havean affair with you whenshehasone. It only means night. she he ensures won't haveto stay homeon Saturday but Shewantsto be independent fearsbeing alone.Shewas to be a virgin whenshemarriedbut "doesit" all the time raised with Jimmy. Shedreamsof being rich and famous.Sheenjoys pretendlngshe'san adult but likes to be babied. Sheandmostof her friends,maleandfemale,havewhacked divorcingparents, dyrngparents, outparents neuroticparents, parents, possessive Jesus freak parents, alcoholic parents, mothersor molestingfathers.Shewantso-u-t, out. neglectmg oteases' Shehatesher job, it's menialandboring. Her boss her abouttaking her on a "business"trip andkeepswantingto rub her back. d Her friends are only fair in good weather.Debbie,her best friend, ws kissingJimmyat theparty lastweek.But, shewants her friendsto think she'scool. Shewantsto makelots of motrey, spend it on cool clothes, cool cars, cool travel, or betng *totally' cool. She and her counterpartsare superficial not the phorry,but because world's still they are genuinely because a bit too big for them. She is experimentingwith life, testing herself to see how for powerful she really is. At the sametime she's searching a Inarriageor college, itable identity, choosingand rechoosing,

UnderstardHer

II

getting a job and moving out or staying at home and doing nothing. It is a time of stressand pressure you haveforgottenabout. To her the stressand pressure real even if, to you, it is are lightweight,solvablestuff. When shemeetsyou shesuspects you're married and lying about being divorced. Don't press the point. She considers herselfsophisticated beingsuspicious. for She's becoming person still goingto bewhileyou're the she's trying to un-become personyou've been.You're trying to the returnto adolescence. She'sleavingit behind. YOU CAUSE E\MN MORE COMUSION Justyesterday afternoon waslying in your annscontented she asa puppywith a full tummy. Today,after a fenderbender,the whole universeis falling apart. She'sconfused the flood of emotions by you causein her. During one week she feels elated, guilty, foolish, sexual, womanly,appreciated, accepted, curious,ignorant, naive,inept, silly, whorish, glamorous, sad, sensual, romantic,grown-up, lustful, horny, sated, terrified,brave,embarrassed, proud, shy, exhibitionistic, childlike,daughter-like ahundred and you others and I can't empathize with. Carla andI were lying in bed after superborgasmicsexthat lastedfor a half an hour. As the glow faded,shesaid in a tiny, painful voice, "A year ago I was a virgin! Thingsare not like they told me." She thinlc she must be in love, otherwiseshe woutrdn'tbe having suchgrand sex with you. At the sametime shethinls, oftenout loud, *What ilm I doing?"She'sbreakingall the rules and getsa chargeout of doingjust that. But, on her way home shefeels like a cheapslut for suckinga 45 year old cock. She'svolatile,impulsive irrational.Her confusion and drives you $azy. Shepicks a fight so shecanbreakup with you. She cancelsa dateand makessure you know on somelevel she's going out with a boy. She's young, confusd, ignorant and scared.If your affair's beengoing for three monthsor more, add bored. prettynegativ, Sounds right?Well, my friend, I chose tell to you the badnewsfirst. Wtry?Because you think everything's if

12

YOUNGWOMEN TO HOW DATE

golng to be easyor you're not interestd in taking the bad with the wonderful, you can put the book down now. Call up that 38 year old with threekids. Or, you canget back to important activities, like watchingtv or hangingout in bars. If you're serious about young women, keep reading and Digest them. Mull them over. They are absorbthe negatives. her, somethingyou must do before you key to understanding can ever hope to talk with her, let alone date her. In a few you'll get the goodnews. chapters, 20 YEAR OLD'S AGBI\DA TIIE on in She'sprimarily interested gettrnga husband-to-be the her a year of hook. (Much more later in Boyfriends.)It takes going steadyto feel she'sgot him under control. she Oncethis is accomplished wantsto seewhat she'sbeen goesdancingor to partieswith "the girls' where missing.She shepracticesinteractingwith new boys and young men. After begins with a few months she's ready. Her experimentation anotherboy, her naive versionof an affair. but of Sheenjoysthe excitement gettingawaywith somethlng a boy just like Jimmy. Shewantsto try then realizeshe's only a28 on a "man,' so shefindsone,RandyRedPorsche, yearold nightswhen her Hebangs on Thursday professional. singtes'bar she's"out with the girls" andon MondaynightswhenJimmy's "out with the boys." When Jimmy finds out, he breals up with her. But soon, her. ShebegsJimmy to take gets RedPorsche boredandtrashes how much her back. He does.Eachclaimsto havediscovered lovestheotherafteronly four weeksapart.Theyprove he really weddingvows. In reality they're both terrified it by exchanging of the singleworld, so they flee to the "safety" of marriageand a "dependable" Partner. If Iimmy won't takeher back shetries a brief but uninspired literally andfigurativecrackat singlelife. After gettingscrewed two thingsarepossible.Either she ly by oneuserafter another, becomesas plastic as the rest and startshangingout in pickup singles' bars.Or, if you're lucky, shedropsout of the swtngmg world and datesseveralyoungmen sheknew from high school for or met at collegeas she searches anotherhusband-to-be. her after the breakup you have a much better If you meet chancewith her than beforeher first fling. If she'sabandoned

UnderstardHer

t3

the bar sceneyour chances improve ten times. If she and her you're chances boyfriend are working on their relationship are a hundredtimesbetter. "Working on' means she'skeepingher freedomto dateor he is. Theygo out with eachotheronly when lonely, boredor horny. Backup a bit. Let's assume wasn't goingsteady was she but living with her boyfriendfor a year. At first sheenjoysplayinghouseandactinglike a growtr-up, at leastwhat shefantasizes adultsbehave like. As time goesby it becomes apparent is not as much fun as it shouldbe but this shedoesnot discuss with him, sheonly complains her girl it to friendsor her mother. The younger,the more shefeels she's missingout on what her contemporaries experiencing. are If shehasn't given up on her mini-marriage tries to go she out with the girls. He feelsinsecure reacts according his and to personality, machoingout and insisting she stay home or wimping out, actinglike his whole world is ending.No matter which way he reactsshe'sso angry shefeelsfree to cheaton him anddoes,with the first maleof any age who treatsher nice. Her motive is to hurt him and get him to change, meaning shehas to get caught.If Jimmy's too trustingor too dumb to figure it out, she confesses order to create the scene(s) in necess for Jimmyto change. ary You arepayingattentior,aren't you? This couplestruggles alonguntil they get marriedor one of themmeets somebody new, andleaves. a primarymotivefor If movingin with him wasto escape parents, will live neurotic she with a couple of girl friends while she looks for a new husband-to-be. These events typicalfor those are who don't marrywithin two yearsout of high school.Shehas this experience between17 and23, depending her maturity,but for mostit happens on when she's20, plus or minusa year. WIIAT SIIE KNOWS ABOUT SEX Mummy andDaddypounded into her youngheadboysare it only interested one thing. By the ageof 20 shebelievesit. in Every male to datehas tried to pack her pipe within hours or on the seconddate. The exceptionis her boyfriend, he was "honorable"for at leastfor a month.

14

HOW TO DATE YOUNGWOMEN

is Her actual experience mostly mediocreintercoursewith one good, not great,lover. Contrary to the media's possibly in exploitation,mostyoungwomenengage sexualrelationsonly with fiancesor steadyboYfriends. t However,whenshedoesn' haveaboyfriend,a tikable,young guy (22-29)datesher easily and gets in her enoughto marry pantsquickly. He has a wide choiceof young womenand she has knows it. Experience taughther to "get it on" or he won't to be back, thenthere'll be no chance hook a potentialhusband. which takeplacebetween or more of theseencounters After ten theseyoung men are using her boyfriends,shefinally rcalizes intlrrse desireto becomeQueenFor A Day to get her on her playing"The DatingGame"much back.At thatpointshebegins 23 rougherwithall males,includingyou. She'sreached or 24 by then. . . The young men who precedeyou think eating pussy is somethingone doesonly to get head in return. They are not consernedwith her pleasureor enjoymentexcept for Randy youngerbrother, DannyManly. He wantsher to Redporsche's believe he's srryerstud so she'll rave about him to her girl friends. He hopls word will get backto his buddiesso they will thir,ft he's a "real man." Other boys andyoungmen, including her her boyfriend,don't encourage to takean activepart in any exceptwhenthey want a blow job. She'sonly sexualactivities a notch on their guns. But eachand every time, shehopedto be loved. everachieved only Inmy experience afew youngwomenhave result of a young partner'sactions.And, with orgasm6 the accident. an rontr of them,it wasonly an accident, unrepeatable the first few times' as (Don't concern yourself with this and in explained Sa WithHer.)Most just give in to intercourse, it's alihoughit's pleasurable, not like in themoviesor her trashy novels. romance Shebelievessex is okay, it feels good but it's not all that about.After all can'tunderstandwhat theexcitement's great.She hs comesin 30 to Iying to her andmanipulatingher for weeks, just She 90 seconds. andher contemporaries don't haveanygreat they're trying to repeat' experiences young womenrarely needsex like their older counterparts -dir.ouered, by about 28, that priests and all other who've

UnderstardHer

I5

purveyorsof anti-sexpropaganda were, and are, full of shit. Very seldomwill you meet a young womanwho loves sex. Thosewho do began early.They'rerebellious, independent and havelearned takechargeof their own orgasms. she'shad to If an older boyfriendwho couldsustain intercourse, finds sex she wonderful,fun and nourishing. IMR FIRST OLDER MAN she heardaboutdirty old men as shewas growing up. The tone of voice anddisapproving facesmadeher fear older men. Whenshewas 14, Mr. Pious,the Sunday schoolteacher,Mr. Boneher, History Teacher, the Dr. Feelit,her pediatrician, or evenher own Uncle Dick, tried to fuck her. Shedidn't expect it. Shetrusted him. Shethought wouldbesome it stranger hiding in a dark alley. All this is in the backof her pretty head.Don't eventalk like the man Mummy warnedher about. EXPERIENCE CAh[ IIELP, BI,IT Most limit themselves youngmales,you know, marriable. to That's why they're disappointed, unfulfilled and interested in you. An experienced year old's ideaof varietymeans tall 21 a boy, a muscled boy, a blackboy, a chubby boy andfor a radical thrill, Randy RedPorsche's roomie, the 29 year old Sammy SilverBeemer. Living with a boy doesnot help her all thatmuch.It doesget her over themysteryof sex,helpsclearup unrealistic ideasshe had aboutmaleplumbinganddoesawaywith old wives' tales. Those who have lived with their boyfriendsare sexually experienced his level, meaning to they havetried everythinghe knows. She doesn'tget to learn how to really enjoy heiself because is so limited in his knowledge he and ability. If she attempts beassertive intimidated manipulates out to he's and her of experimenting anything with except"swallowingit" or trying the "backdoor." I]I\DERSTAI{DING ALL 18.24 YEAR OLDS Young women, even girls as young a 14, have the same undesirable, unpleasant qualities adultwomen,theyarecatty of andviciouslycompetitive overmales.Don't be surprised you if haveto contend with the 17 yearold sisterof your 2l year old lover vying for your attention and favors. Althoughthissounds it mightbefun, it isn't. It turnsugly like

16

YOUNGWOMEN TO HOW DATE

quickly if either getsher egobruised.One will threatento tell dad or the other'sboyfriend. RANDOM THOAGHTS. The world feels new and fresh to and the young. They sincerelyfeel it canbe changed they think who cando it. Neverbe cynicalor laughat her they're the ones idealism. Young femalesneedto be huggedand cuddled. When you get the chancegive her plenty of both. They are not comfortablewith competitionor competlng exceptwith eachother for males. Don't stresswinning when invoived in any sport if she's around. Don't drive like it's Memorial Day at Indy. Don't play any gitmeswith her if you sharethe view of Al Davis of the Raiders,"JustWin, Baby." gilmeseriously. Don't let her win but don't takea backgammon levels upperandlowersocio-economic Girls fromthe extreme they havetoo younger.Nothingmatters, intercourse experience them. much or too little. I don't discuss is achievement The girl who placeshigh value on academic you while strikeoutcity. Her focusis in thewrongplaceto enjoy or her she'spleasing parents societywith a high GPA. None of them fuck tike they dance.None of them fuck like they dress.They haveno ideahow overdonethey are in these two areas. and televisionprograms trashnovelshave Her soapoperas, with theterritory. She'snot really "sugar"comes her convinced this a gold digger.Shejust thinl$ that'spart of thedeal.Squash conceptearly on and I meanright away. nice to her. Take her However, it is okay to be somewhat thoughtfutgifts inexpensive, placesJimmyneverwould. Small, timeyou'd same Biggerthingscomelater,atthe areappropriate. give tttr* to a woman you enjoyed dating for months and months. your star shinesfar When shebeginsreadingCosmopolitan brighter. Buy her a subscriPtion. There is a period eachyear when you can count on a thin Year'sDay. throughNew of suppty youngwomen,ElectionDay .by nfbst-grit their teeth and endurehorrible treatment their who bores up with a someone boyfriinds or put off breaking Theirworld will end,theyfeel, without"someone themshitless.

Understand Her

17

special"in their lives duringthe holidays. Even worse, they get seriouswith anyonethey're even casuallydatingin November ensure to they cansharl "the joy of Christmas. Watch outl This includesyou. Tactfully tiep " your distance sendor give her a nice gift. Stayin contact. but She'll recover from this culturallyinduced madn.ri just in time for a truly important event,the superBowl. GENEML ADVICE. Loweryour desire physical for beauty from 9.5 to 7.5 and watch fifty percentof the competition disappeat.If you concentrate 9.0 and above you'll be on frustrated humiliated and mostof the time. Stickwith 6.5,s to 8.0's. From my experience youngwomanwho is average the looking with an averuge figure is easierto meet,a much nicer person,a betterhumanbeing, &swell as being more fun than anystunning lookingone.Shefeelsappreciated thefirst time for in her life. Sheis. Forgetthe high schooleF. headis up her assandwill be Her for two more years.Proms, football gilmes,Friday dances, Jimmy'sbitchin', totally rad, new Vee Dub convertible. Forgetthe bi? tittedgirL The competition pardontheputr, is, too stiff. Everymalewithin500milesis interested. you insist, If nevermentionher figure anddon't evensneaka peekat those double D's. Forgetthe beautyqueen Or anybeauty. The competition is, pardonthe sitmepun, too stiff. She'sableto pick and choose andshe'sheardit all beforefrom practiced experts. Too much trouble,thinksshereallyis a princess. Besides, havetq deal you with the attention attracts matterwhereyou go. people she no noticeand remember beingwith her. Not a gr{atidea. you Forget the discodolly. She'sthe onewho spends hours two gettingreadyfor work, threehoursfor the disio. Her $70 hair cut requires minutesfor curling andspraying.Shewearsthe 90 latest,most expensive clothes,usually$$O worth just to go dancing.She'sconcerned only with image,too insecure be to herself,while lookingfor a discodick to impress marry. and Forgetall born agains.And girls with doves,fish or "I Love " Jesus symbols their carsor around on their necks.They look normal.Somecaneventalk normal.Believebrother,believe. They'remarching thebeatof a differentdrummer.SayAmen. to

18

WOMEN YOUNG TO HOW DATE

WHIM DRMN. The younger,the more ruled by instant to a gratification they are. For example, 22 yearold canagree thenturn down a trip to Palm Springsin two weeksand wait, A a "betteroffer" threedaysbeforedeparture. typical 19 year old hasdifficulty keepinga dateto go night skiing at Big Bear threedaysfrom now. If girl friendscall andwant her to go to due a Vegas few hoursbeforeshe's at yourplace,she'llcall and maybe. apologrr.,e, moreandmoretimewith you themorerealistic As shespends no shebecomes matterhow youngsheis. Justbeingaroundyou ruled hasa tranquilizingeffecton her. No longeris everything two hourby hour. In only a monthshe'sthinkingahead or three daysat a time. Eventuallyshecanplan from weekto week. If from monthto month.You'll nevermake you lastlong enough, it until she's able to think, plan and executesix months in advance. As I'm writing this I'm planninga trip to Hawaii with a 19 year old. Our affair hasbeengoing for nine months.Recently Two monthsinto the to it she'slearned is possible plan atread. she relationship was still so impulsiveshe ruined a three day not weekend beingableto turn downa "betteroffet" at the last moment.We survivedmy ensuingexplosion.I won't predict if it'll be Aloha or Adios in two moremonths. you TEDDY BEARS.The youngersheis, the more suspect frietrd, herTeddyBear,a female along she are.Sometimes drags date.Don't resentit. Shehas to take this on the first pseudo several initial stepon her terms,not yours. Her friend serves body guard, validation of your attractiveness, functions to her, someone talk with or get you overwhelm supportin case her out if you're boring. with you. This feelssafe until your chosen along Teddycomes " dituter excursionsz " spontaneous , dayski trips, beach includes aboutit. IncludeTeddyin all Be enthusiastic else. or anything and conversations fun. Make friends with her. She will be she gradingyou. Remember, hasthe ear of your future lover and will certainlybendit. It's not productiveto flirt stronglywith Teddy but let her and attractiveas a female.If you know you find her pleasant Teddy,you canshineit on, forever. patronrze

UnderstardHer

t9

fuytime there aretwo females involved things get complicated quickly. Teddy, especiallyif she'smore experienced, may have given herself the assignment of testing you under battle conditions. She'll bait you with emotionally loaded questions about sex or religion. Teddy may even bluntly ask how your children handled the divorce! If she's attractedto you she may resent her feelings and try to destroy you in front of her friend so neither can have you. Strange?Yes, but true. If Teddy decides she wants you for herself she undermines everything you've built to date. In the end she will feel like shit for what she did and won't go out with you, either. The younger sheis, the more likely she'll bring Teddy along. I even had it happenwith a 26 year old. REBS AND OTHERS. Young women come in two basic models - conformistsand rebels. Rebs ateoutnumberedtwenty to one but what a great group. They aren't hard to spot. Usually they are wearing somethingoutlandish.I can tell by her walk, confident, arrogant, strong and sometimes like she has a chip on her shoulder. For entertainmentthey intentionally piss off their parents or boyfriends. By being a rebel shedefinesherself asdifferent from her parents, different from peers, different from adults of any kind. But, she'sjust different, having only found who and what she isn't. Rebels are the ones who will date an older man. Learn how to recognize them all. Then identify the one who's interested in you. LOOKIE LOU'S WUI SLEEP WITH YOU. Many havebeen interestedin me only because they were curious. After a couple of datesthey go to bed with me once or twice, then I never hear from them again. They found out what they wanted to know and decided, "ft's not all that hot. " Or they're so guilt ridden about Jimmy they can't continue. The oneswho didn't like me searchfor excitementwith some other grown-up male. Thosewho feel guilty go back to "messin' around" with boys, somehowthat's not bad. Or, they make up for the transgressionwith me by getting engagedand remain monogamousuntil a year after the honeymoon. Relax, acceptbeing a curiosity. Don't feel indignant. She's

20

HOW TO DATE YOUNGWOMEN

just looking. You're an experimentin her life. That's how she learns. Be glad you could help. IIER MOTI\MS FOR DATING YOU You're askingher to go againsteverythingparents,boyfriend, church, society and girl friends have drilled into that pretty young head and heart of hers. Why will she do it? One element of her motivation is the desire to be seriously fucked, the way she's heard it's supposedto be done. As you now know her best experiencedoes not begin to measureup to what she's heard from other girls, read in Cosmopolitanor seen in the movies. And, "fer sure," there is the stereotypeof older men as knowledgeable, experiencedlovers. She knows there must be more to it. But this is one of her darkest, most closely held secrets,slightly behind masturbating and feeling terribly lonely. She fantasizeswhat a "real man" would do with her. If she's a bit drunk she talks to her closest girl friend about what it should be like. Don't get this wrong. She's not obsessedwith sex but wonders if she's missing something important. So far her boyfriend's best efforts aren't much. He wants his cock sucked all the time. He's reluctant to give her head and has no idea a clit isn't a miniature dick, if he even knows where it is. He lasts two minutes after entering her. She and her contemporariesknow, otr some level, there's more to it. Part of the attraction is your age. It makesyou different, plain she's different from and simple. You are attractedto her because Also, 38 year old divorcees.(How's that for anunderstatement?) your age qualifies you to participate with her in a forbidden romance, a turn on to females of any age. She wants to experiencelife. You have the knowledge and money to show her a world she's only seen on television and read about in People. Older lovers have lots to offer says has one. Cosmopolitan One of her girl friend's acquaintances She's ready to give it a try. She may want to shame and degrade her parents. This girl plays a girmecalled The Goy Ploy. Shepicks a male to infuriate and embarrassher parents - a goy if she's Jewish, or a Jew if her parents found Jesus.Others to piss off Mum and Dad bikers, Mexicans, punks or an older man. Paying attention? She has to get caught with you so she can make a giant

Understand Her

21

scene(s)to rub her parent's noses in the whole sordid affair. That'll show them they were bad to her. Then they'll see it's their fault she turned out to be a bad girl. Daughters of the rich sometimesare just bored and want to do something "totally radical." But, poor little rich girls play Goy Ploy, too. Be extra careful. Irate wealthy parents like to prove themselvesblamelessby threateninglegal action or using their connections punishyou "for seducingour sweet,innocent to girl. " baby FOOLISH ASSUMPTIONS. As a married man I was able to easily meet and "date" young women. After a few conversations and lunch she'd realize I only wanted to nail her to the mattress,then to the wall at the nearestmotel. After three of these "affairs" I realized it was not necessary to beat around the bush, so to pun. I only had to be discreet and make it tactfully clear what I wanted. She simply chose to participate in someseriousfucking or diplomatically passed.She knew from my approach and attitude that if she played "chase me, catch ffie, fuck me" I'd lose interest and she'd lose "fuck me. " Courtship was simpler and faster then. No confusion about long term possibilities, the goal was straightforward. My foolish assumption- after getting divorced I would be able to meet and have real dates with young women. WRONG! Married men are toys, nothing to take seriously. When she "dates" a married man she doesn't feel used. She knows what the score is. If she gets entangledshe only blames herself becauseshe reads Dear Abby every day. Now that I'm single, she's confusedabout my purpose and goal He's kind of a potential husband but he's so old. " Everything's muddled. She wants to get married someday but she'sbeenusedand lied to by every guy over 26 she's ever been out with. No matter what I say or do she thinks I am primarily interestedin her slit. I'm somethingshe's not encountered before. I don't want to just nail her. I want to have a caring, romantic, fun-filled affair for as long as we enjoy eachother. Sheknows that on some level from my attitude and approach, sometimes she even asks me directly. "Gosh! An affair? Really?You know, like, I don' know . Jeez.

22

WOMEN HOWTODATEYOUNG

What about my boyfriend?" to To answerthat questionand really understandher,you have to be clear on why she almost always has a boyfriend. But first you needto know Which YoungWomen,otherwise,you'll waste time pursuing the wrong one.

A seven,who will dateyou three times, is a ten.

THE AUTHOR

Which Young Women

Let's divide the femalepopulationinto Women, Almost Women,YoungWomenandGirls. Womenareover thirty,25 to 29 year olds are Almost women, young women are 1g to 24, Girls areunder18. Women break into four groups,eachrequiring a different courtship approach: 30-34,35-39,40-45and over 45. Almost Womenarecourted Over25 or Not 30. YoungWomenonly as: cover seven yearsbut thereare four distinctcourtshipgroups. Girls can be thought of as a fifth" The nameof each group represents your task whentrying to datea member: 2L to 24 - Hard 20 to 2l - Harder 19 to 20 - Hardest 18 to 19 - Impossible Jail Bait - Preposterous TIIE TARGET POPULATION White or raised white, 18 to 24. Healthy,non-handicapped. Upperlower class lowerupperclass.Slightlybelowaverage to to Playmate theMonthlooks.Average genius of to IQ's. Almost virgins to Rosy Roundheels. High schoolgradsto Stanford PhD's. With andwithoutboyfriends, divorced,living or lived together.working, unemployed, under employed,students.

24

WOMEN HOWTODATEYOUNG

Introverts or extroverts. IJrban, suburb&r, small to mid-sized city dwellers. No car, bicycle, moped, daddy's car, own car. Living at home, in the dorm, has an apartmentwith roommate, own apartment.Beer drinkers to advancedfree basers.In short, C minus and up. WE'RE NOT INTERESTED IN TIIESE Jail bait. Over 25 .Ghetto dwellers.Low rider Mexicans.Most orientals. Lower and upper class.Virgins. Standoff Ugly. Stupid. or Hookers. Highschool dropouts.Married, engaged separated. Rural and small town residents.Druggies, biker chicks and all other lowlifes. In short, D plus and down. WHAT A DIFFERENCE A YEAR MAKES No individual young woman will fit the descriptions below. Every blue moon you will meet a 2I year old woman. That's woman, not young woman. At other times you'll find a27 year old who is no more than a high school girl, &tr unemployed, college drop out, spoiled rotten princess, still living at home. 78-79. Working or in college, high school ways guide her life. Just testing herself and teasing you. Lives at home or in the dorm. Is dependent,not independent,even if she acts like but it. Always hasa boyfriend who boresher shitless she'safraid her own. Very limited sexual experience. to break up and be on Sometimes uses no birth control. In general, a hassle. A tremendousamount of time and patienceis required and seldom worth the effort. Brighter, extroverted ones might be worth a few weeks of courtship. Suzy, Betsy and Tina were. I rarely bother any more. 79-20.Has droppedmany high schoolvalues and is beginning realize there may be more to life than cruising the boulevard. to Been to Palm Springswhere shepicked up a boy and "slept with him. " If in college or working in a big office, she's considered "sleeping with" her prof or boss. Gets into bars and clubs with fake ID and feels really grown up there. More able to deal with life and it's problems but she's still moving in old circles. Coming alive sexually but it confuses her when she wants someoneother than Jimmy. About 30 percent are on the pill, most others take precautions. Substantial time and effort required. May be worth it if you like her as a person. When you are making progress she's worth two months of courtship but

Which YoungWomen

no more. Time's a' wastin'. Carla was worth it all. Seethe pageto find out why. book's dedication 2047. See"Typical20 Year Old.' 21-24. Delightful. Over their first love and reachingfor the unknown.But can still behavelike a 14 or 40 year old within an hour. 2L-22, delightful 22-23 delightful plus, 23-24 , into "wannabe married," 24-25, or the delightful, degrading but steeppart of degrading still far betterthan any woman. HOME OR AWAY? The onewho doesn'tlive at homeis alwaysa betterchoice. She doesn't have the daily hassleof dealing with neurotic parents, . brothers With onlyJimmy envious istersandprotective s to snow, she can spendthe night or go away with you on weekends. affair with Jeanover I had an on again-offagain,sometimes yearstretchandan affair of eightmonthswith Tina. They a two required. both lived at homebut wereworth all the shenanigans I'd do it againwith the right youngwoman. COEDS OR WORKING GIRLS? Coeds don't have much money, they have lots of time. Working girls don't have much time but unlike coeds,their world doesn'trevolvearounda lack of money. knowsthe nine planets but A collegegirl is more educated, has little understanding what really makes the world go of 'round. Shedoesn'tknow much aboutmen sinceher choiceis limited to Joe Collegeor dirty old professors. She'sa quick study,havingreadaboutolderloversandsmartenough realize to you couldbe onehell of a goodtime. The working girl is pragmatic.She'sin the real world, not 'em" everyday, theacademic Sinceshe's"out thereirmong one. she understands males of every agemuch better. She has a graspof what makesthe world work. Brighter ones beginner's are quick to realizethe benefitsof an older lover. THE BEST YOI]NG LO\MR The ideal young woman lives away from home, without a boyfriend, with smarts.A coedwho works or a working girl goingto college.She'sserious in aboutgettingahead theworld, as opposedto the one who's savingher salary for a grand wedding.

26

HOW TO DATE YOUNGWOMEN

The bright onesare so much more fun in every way. They have the brain power to look at the world and decide for themselveswhat the rules will be insteadof unthinkingly the accepting should'sand shouldn't'sof our culture. HOW MANY ARE TIIERE? 18 will be 13millionbetween and24.A million there In 1988 * it will be blackwhichmakes nearlyimpossible. 12 millionand counting." Another three million are living in rural areas, "9 impossible. millionand counting." jails, pregnant, who are or hospitals, Deductthosein mental with anIQ below 100 those handicapped, or mentally physically . whiteboys " 5 millionandcountinS." whodon'tdate andethnics . Eliminateanothermillion fatsosanduglies " 4 million and under hotding.Roger.Wecopy.Marriageproblem."Tenpercent *Understood. Ignition. 19aremarried.By 24,half aremarried. Lift off at 3 million." full I live in a paradise of youngwomen,Los Angeles.The a9.2 in Tulsaandshe's is typicalT.2here an 8.2 in Phoenix, thereare 15,000 I've calculated in a 10.2 anywhere Appalachia. within ten miles and up females18 to 24 unmarried,average 5,000 areliving with a guy or areabout of my place.Probably to get married.Geewhiz, shucks,goshdarn, only 10,000to choosefrom. If you live in the suburbsof a large city, your choiceis as wide as mine. You say you've noticed a lot of talk about Boyfnends. Don't be. You'll only know what really makes Disillusioned? you find out why shehasa boyfriend.He makes her tick when to little differenceto her. He mustmakeno difference you.

O Romeo,Romeo! Wherefore thouRomeo?" art

JULIET, for all young women

Boyfriends
After you're able to crack the 25 year old barrier you will quickly find yourself involvedwith a youngwomanwho hasa boyfriend.Why? Only twentypercentof the targetpopulation is without boyfriends or fiances. You won't get anywhere limiting yourselfto thosewithout. WHY SIM IIAS A BOIT'RIEI\D Beyondher naturalneedfor humancompanionship sex, and beyond her conrmonneed to escapeneurotic parentsshe's programmed "need" a boyfriend.Shefeelsit asa real need, to powerful, as any naturalneed. as real, os " But she learnsthis particular"need. Her family, schools, religion, Girl Scouts, television otherinstinrtions teachher, and brainwashher into wantingwhat our cultureblindly considers a timeless value.Couplingyoungandreproducing a 50,000 has year track record of success. Our customsof marriage and reproduction based androotedin, ancienttribal survival are otr, pressure values.Thoselong deadrituals live todayas societal on the youngto pair off for life and makebabies. yearsagoit madesense farm familiesandpoor A hundred for families. Survivalof the tribe (family) depended the children on havingchildrenquickly so therewould be more workersfor the fields, minesor factories.

28

HOWTODATEYOUNG WOMEN

Today it makes absolutely no sense to couple young and reproduce, yet few young women question the reasonableness of marrying one's first or second "love" and having children until it's too late. It's too late when she's27, has two kids, he's staying out all night, there's no money and she's 40 pounds overweight. Her intensedesire to be Queenfor a Day precludes rationality. QIJEEN FOR A DAy - A POWERF'IJL DRTVER The girls who get married are the envy of all female friends and acquaintances.Even colleagues who rcalize 18 to 24 is ridiculously young to make "until death" commitments are envious. The bride is the centerof attentionfor weekspreceding the ceremony, then she's literally, Queen for a Day. Each and every young female in attendanceyearns for the focus to be on her and they all, or nearly all, are secretlyjealous and resentful. Surprisingly they feel this way even when the groom is a geek,unrepentant womanizer, druggie or a shiftless, unemployed dolt. Every young woman wants to be Queen for a Day. A queenmust have a king, any king. MIM.ENGAGEMENTS AND MINI-MARRIAGES For six or more years they lived in, and many still live in, a subculturedominatedby peer pressureand peer values. Their entire mini-society is devoted to pairing up, rehearsingto get married and live happily ever after. As they move toward this and marriages give unquestionedgoal, miniature engagements them a chance to learn, practice and perfect the control and manipulation techniquesthey will use in their real marriage. Mini-engagements are marked by frat pins in the academic world. In the real world a promise ring is used, a miniature diamond set in an engagementring mounting. How cute. The primary reason for a mini-engagementis to make them feel like grown-ups and to cement their relationship. She uses the occasionto lord it over her girl friends and to legitimize her sexual relations. He usesit to ensuresteadysex. When you see his "brand" on her one of two things will be true, she'll be impossible or relatively easy. In my experiencea third of them take him for granted after the mini-engagement.Before hooking him she was preoccupied with getting and keeping a boyfriend but now she's free to discover the rest of the world, including older mell.

Boffiends

29

(living together) mostmini-engagements Mini-marriages and comecomplete with monogamous expectations, requirement the to only havethe same friends,to visit and 'enjoy' eachother's parentsand so on. When they breakup it is a highly charged, severelypainful event similar to divorce in every w&y, with crushedegosand dashed dreams.Even in puppy love the love is real, ?t leastto the puppies. WHICHONES IIAVEBOMS? Every 18 and 19 yearold hasone.In the 20 to 2l agerange, the percentage without risesto ten or fifteen percent.Over 21 andunder23 yearoldsdo withoutto the tuneof twentypercent. Thereis a veritableabundance youngwomenwithouta *rlan' of in their lives in the over 23 group, aboutone in three. Trouble is, there aren't many unmarriedones. If you're dedicated not gettinginvolvedwith someone to with a boyfriend, stick with thoseover 23. By the time they reach the quarter century mark and a few years beyond, only fifty percentare seriouslyinvolved. This cheeringfact has a dark side. There are many desperate-to-get-married 25-30year olds out there and by that agemost seeyou as a prospect. Badnews:the targetpopulation over 22 ishalved,decimated by marriage.Goodnews:onein four of the unmarrieds, any of dge,will havean affair with you, if shecankeepher boyfriend. Therearetwo kindsof girls with boyfriends,thosewho tell you abouthim and thosewho don't. AI\NOI]NCEDBOMS When she mentionshim early on it means:(1) She's not (2) interested. She'sinterested, wantsyou to know the score. (3) Shewantsto flirt with you andfeel serenely indignantwhen shewins the Rapogilme. (Rapo,as in Rape-ois described fully in CourtHer.) Seventy percent the time it's (1). Ten percent of of the time it's heavenly (2). If shedoesn'tsayanything abouthim right awaybut doeslater it means:(1) Shewas kinda interested didn't want you to and fadeaway.After gettingto know you shewantsto havean affair if shecan keepher boyfriend. (2) Shewas interested after but gettingto know you this is how shesaysno. (3) Shewasplaying Rapowith you all alotrg,you've madeyour move, this is how shesays,"'Whatkind of girl do you think I am?' (4) Shelikes

30

HOW TO DATE YOUNGWOMEN

you, doesn'twantto dateyou but didn't feel anyof her personal life was appropriate until now. It's usually(1) (2) or (3). The first two account sixty percent. for Announced unannounced, or there are three kinds of boyfriends. LEFTO\TER BOTT'RIEI\DS If she'sbeenwith him sincehigh school he's only a security blanket.He is her means acceptance the subculture a of in and sex partner but most important, a place to avoid the risks associated with growing up and becominga self sufficient person. takes for granted, She him respect doesn't him, hasonly boring sex with him but shedoesn'thavethe courage break to up and look for something better. him Sheannounces with, "My boyfriendandI wentto Magic " Mountain, or, "Jimmy andI stayed his Grandma's " at cabin. Thelongerthey'vebeen together, easier is to haveanaffair it the with her. Sheonly wantsthe samething you wantedfrom the women you had affairs with when married, thrills, satisfying her curiosityanduninvolved,excitingdistraction. After a coupleof nightsor a few weekswith you, sheruns backto him. She'sfoundout aboutoldermenandevenif it was timesbetterthanwith him, sheis motivated fear. a thousand by She has not beenpreparedby her parentsor the culture to productive an adult.Shewasnevertaught become independent, needed grow toward independence the skills or attitudes to and prepared She selfreliance. hasbeen from birth for only onerole. Even if you openher eyesfor a brief blinding momentto other possible choices, is overwhelmed theheretofore she unknown by part of it. Shehas noneof the tools real world and wantsno needed live there. to Eventhe semi-literates watch"Donahue' andreadPeople who know shehas a sixty percentchanceof endingup back in the real world after threeyearsof marriage.The sadpart is, she inside,with nojob skills, teenager will still be only a frightened no moneyand two kids depending her. on Mary Ann used "my ex-boyfriend"in our first substantial At conversation. the time I only knew shewantedme to know shewas available.

Boyfriends

3t

As it turned out she and Jimmy were just fighting, again, abouthis stayingout all night several timesa week.He decided to showher "who wears pants thishouse'anddidn't come the in homefor two weeks.Sheneeded someone distracther from to pain and loneliness. the After four datesin seven days,threeof themfull of lusty sex shehadneverknown,I called.Shesaidsimply, "I'm backwith Jimmy, can't go out anymore. Sorry. Bye." Epilogue. Shegot married three monthslater, had a baby, thendivorced within a year.Sheis pushing160pounds lives and with her child at Mom's. Jimmy was this "dude's' real narne.In his *honor' all boyfriendsin this book are namedJimmy. He was, ild is, typical. TJI{DERSTAI\DING TIIE LEFTO\MR SITUATION She must sneaktime with you, at first risking only a few minutes.If you're relaxed,fun and appear safe,she'll stay for a coupleof hours.Then she'll "go for it," spending whole a afternoonin bed with you. Eveningsare too dangerous, they have established pattern of after dinner calls, under some a pretext, to checkon eachother. Later, she'll makea datefor the entireeveningwhen she's figured out how to explainwhy shewon't be home. But, she will standyou up without notice if he suspected something and 'Just happened" stopby her place.When he's going to to the mountains desertwith his buddies,she'll spendthe night. or An affair with her canlastmanymonthsif she'sbrighterthan averageand has someinnatecourage.A duration of anything beyondtwo monthsrequirescountingfrom the day you two end up in bed until shereally quits. There is no time deductionfor the in's and out's of the affair on her part. She quits for a week, comes back for two days, quits "forever," comes backfor threeweeksandso on. Withdrawals and re-entriesare broughton by extremefeelingswhich force her to re-examine values.The conflict is sharp.Her goals her are mutually exclusive get back on track toward living happily ever after with Jimmy or continuethe side trip, for awhile, with you down the road of excitement and adventure.

32

HOWTODATEYOUNG WOMEN

Like the rest of us, she wants to have her cake and eat it too. To get a clear understanding of what she goes through, see "Don's Recipe for Trouble" later in Date Her. An affair of any length will be mutually rewarding if you are ethical and up front with her from the start. She learns about the real world and grows up much quicker. This wouldn't happen for years without you. In turn, she teachesyou how to have fun and enjoy being carefree all over again. She gets smarter and older. You get smarter and younger. Such a deal! She's going back to Jimmy and become Queen For A Day after a night, a week or a month. If it lasts longer than a few months she'll realize she deservesmuch better than Jimmy and move on. If it's two, intense, rewarding months she starts wishing it " could "lead somewhere. Ethically you must prevent this. It's hard to inject realism into the relationship once this stage is reachedunlessthe seedsare planted early. You are the one who has to do it. (See Ethics and Talk With Her.) STRING ALONGS, BOYFRIENDS OF CONVEMENCE The young women smart enough to know marrying the Leftover is a bad idea, string him along, clinging to a corner of the security blanket while testing the waters of adult life. Also in this category are girls with any boyfriend they don't want to marry but keep for convenience. This young woman was taught independenceby her parents or becameindependent survive. But, she learnedself reliance to in parallel with conflicting valuesstressingpreparationfor a role as wife and mother. She absorbssociety's belief that her real value as a human being is ultimately measuredin terms of how good a mother she becomes. So, even these, the best of the bunch, face contradictory goalsbefore meetingyou. Thesecause her to have conflicting goals after meeting you just like the girls with Leftovers. This young woman outgrows males close to her age by 20 or after college. Even when she rcalizes how "totally out of it" boys are, she can't conceive of life without a boyfriend, so she gets an "older man" of 27, like Randy RedPorsche.After a few attempts she realizes he and his contemporaries only want to make temporary deposits in her spenn bank.

Boyfriends

33

The independentyoung woman knows: (1) She doesn't want to marry the security blanket she's holding by a corner, although she'd love all that ceremonial attention. (2) Young men four to eight years older only use her. (3) Boys don't know what it's all about. She wants to find out what it's really all about. At the same time part of her says she should get married and make babies, another part says to be independentand make a life for herself. Faced with this dilemma, she's ready for you. But, from her point of view you may turn out to be a turkey or too much for her to handle. She's reluctant to burn her bridges. Besides,she'll havesomefunctionsto attendwhere you can't go. God forbid, shecan't possiblygo by herself, especially on Saturdaynight, Christmasor New Year's. Heavens,people would think she doesn't have a boyfriend! Branded a complete failure at 20 or 2I. The young woman with a String Along announceshim in terms implying she seesother people or wants to, starting with you. Somethinglike, "Jimmy's going to the desertthis weeketrd, so I'm going to the Gamma'sparty and seewhat I can pick up. Hee, hee." Or, shejust wears a promise ring and tells you with her body and eyes she's available. Sometimes she announces him in terms sounding like she doesn't really have one. As a worst caseexirmpleDonna said, "Jimmy? Oh, one of the guys I used to date." She wasn't really lying, he was injail. She felt so guilty for "fooling around" she married him two weeks after he finished his sentence stealing for $60,000 from his first father-in-law! Epilogae. He threw her out with nothing a year later after beating her severely. She got pregnant by the next guy she moved in with, trying to make him marry her. He left when she refused an abortion. At24, she and her baby are living with her divorced sister and her three kids. She didn't get as fat as Mary Ann, only 150 pounds. But Donna started at 110, a dynamite 110, I might add. What a waste of life. Neither Donna nor Mary Ann were future rocket scientists. But they were both plenty smart enoughto not do what they did. They made long range decisions with emotions, not brains. Wanting to be QueenFor A Day, is indeed, a powerful driver.

34

HOW TO DATE YOUNGWOMEN

I]I\DERSTAT.IDING TIIE COIYVENIENCE SITUATION The affair startsout awhvardly if shehasnot hinted or said shecan't be seenwith you. To savefaceshepretends she'snot you. The stress enough ruin everything sneaking time with is to on the launchingpad. My solution is to alwayssuggest of out the way placesand unusualtimes for initial dates. A word of caution.Never ask directly or indirectly if she mindsbeing seenwith you or why shecan't makeit for a date if shecallsandbegsoff. Don't forceher to admitwhatshedoes not want to admit. It's not important. Theseyoung women are teeteringon adulthoodbut aren't readyto dive in. They are prone to get neuroticquickly but if you're relaxedandpatientthingscansettledownto a moderately long relatiornhipof say, five to eight months. After the opening,delicatestages, affair candevelopinto the a marveloustime for both of you. As with the girls who have to steal time and sneakaround,the early stages much the are sirme.However,this youngwomanis braver, eagerto get on proceed a more rapid pace.It's aboutthe with it, so events at 27 sameas with an unattached year old after the secondget together,exceptthis youngwomancan't be seenwith you. If you two are really enjoyingeachother, shetoo, will want it to "lead somewhere.'Again, to be a standup guy, you must plant the sameseeds early on so sanity can be restoredmore (SeeEthics.) easilyif this stageis reached. An affair of a coupleof monthswith you lets her seeshe's up readyandableto makeit on her own. Shebreaks withJimrny girl friend. Without telling andmovesinto an apartment with a you shecontinues seehim, afterhe forgivesher, but sheonly to stringshim alongwhile datingyou and others.In the end, she stringsyou along,too. She'sbraverthanthe oneswith a death grip on the securityblanketbut no more honest.Neitherknows how. *boyfriend" while shebuilds You areher interim-transitional her confidence live in the adult world. You're only a tour to guide. Don't let this be demeaning you or to her. Sheneeds to you your supportwhile learning.Don't forget, she'steaching plenty,too. Yeah, I know I didn't tell you about the third kind of

Boyfrierds

35

in boyfriend,he's explained TheRightAttitude.I didn't cover themforanexplosive either,I'm saving unannouncedboyfriends later oll. surprise her Eventhoughyou now understand better, far betterthan herself, you won't get anywhereuntil you she understands one understand other person,yourself.What you don't know can, and will, hurt you. I'm living proof as you will see,and hopefullylearn from. If you don't know why or doubtyour sanityfor wantingto half datesomeone your ageyou'll neverbe ableto do it. Step believeandthoroughly one is makingcertainyou fully accept, ontheplanet. females thebest YoungWomenare Why understand yourselfabout with the After thatcomes hardpart, beinghonest other motivesyou have.

Wlnt n drag it is getting old.

MICK JAGGER,Mother's Littlc Helper

A mnn is only as old as the womnnhefeels.

GROUCHO

Why YoungWomen
Most of my womenfriendsandacquaintances claimtheycan't understand why divorcedmen only want to dateyoung women. Knowing men are drawn by physical attractiveness they point out, in a thinly disguisd, caffy maruler, "surfaceappearance is a shallowreasotr,' implying they're attracted a nranby his to (Yeatl,right! Newman Redford deeper, morenoblequalities. and are noble.) Themoreintelligentonesquickly add, "femalebeautyis only a culturally derived aesthetic,a mere definition, artificial, learned, not reflecting reality." (So what? It's the standard everyoneusesexceptliberatedmen.) In an attempt to convince me not to "waste time" with younger "A womentheybeginby beingreasonable, ZTyearold can't possiblyappreciate nran," moveup to, "A girl just can't a relatefully to a man," escalate "A youngwonun doesnot to, havetheexperience satisfya man," thenbothbarrels,"It can't to " lead anywhere. (Gee, how nice, they want it to lead somewhere. Do you suppose they want me to get married again,to someone their age?Hummmm?) is When nothingworks, believingtheir perspective the only one from which reality canbe viewd, they retreatto, "'We're rational. You're sufferingfrom temporaryinsanity, acting out MiddleAge Crary." (Couldbe.)

Why YoungWomen

37

Here's another perspective, possibly another reality, that of a divorced, 46 year old man. (I, too, have come a long woy, baby.) WHY YOIJNG? My young lover makesme feel my power and potency again. She causesme to experiencethe life and pleasure I've earned and deservebut never enjoyed. She appreciatesand respectswhat I've accomplishedacross the years. When I look in her eyes I see, reflected back, the image I want to see, one that correspondswith my self-image. To her I am a hero and a success,something my wife could never see. I don't get compared with men my age and found lacking. When she does compareme, it's with college sophomores,then ranks me highest. Whatever I am or want to be is fine with her. No demands to grow up, come home or go to her mother's. There's no power struggle. To her, men are not the enemy. With her I can be soft, romantic, giving and caring. She treasuresthesequalities in a male. I can talk with her about my secondthoughts, eventhird thoughtson life, children and career. I don't have to be strong and rational all the time. She doesn't mind when I cry, in fact, she likes it and seestears as merely human, not a sign of weaknessor fallibility. Shewants and valuesher freedom asI do. Somedayshewants to find Mr. Rite and get married, but for now she's not ready to settle down. She and her compatriotsare free spirits still. Two of her better qualities, ones I've never found in any woman: (1) When I don't feel like going to the office shedoesn't panic and worry about money. (2) She doesn't mind if I watch the Raiders kick ass on Sunday. WHY NOT A WOMAI{ 25 TO 35? *Where Never married womenover25 insistonbeingserious, is this leading?" If you haven't had the pleasureyet, it means, "Are we getting married?" Young women don't ask about my remarriage plans before the salad arrives. A divorced woman in this age range is wonderful if she doesn't look for men in a bar, if she doesn't have children and if she's not off on some liberatedbinge. But, it's impossibleto find a single woman under 35 who isn't in a bar smoking

38

HOW TO DATE YOUNGWOMEN

cigarettes afterthe other,lookingthe malesover like she's one choosing evening her meal.Mostwantonlyuninvolved their sex, way of avoidingloneliness without gettinghurt, again.These dick-of-the-week flies are big time disease bar carriers. No thanl$. If I do manage meeta womanin this agerange,she's to either living with a guy or hastwo children. The oneswith kids havelost their zest,lost their idealism, losttheir interestin experimenting exploring.Theyaretired and every night. They distrustmen. Somehatemen and use them without blinking an eye, rationalizing as gettingevenfor all it the sufferingmaleshavecaused them. With a young woman, "The prick didn't send my child support check"crisisdoesn't exist,neither babysittinghassles do problems andthe otherendless face.I'feel for mothers divorced them yes, but I don't dateanyonewith more problemsthan I have. WTTYNOT A WOMAI\ MY AGE? so most arelookingfor a new husband they In my experience don't haveto stayout herein this big, mean,cold, nasty,cruel world andmakeit. The onesnot looking to get marriedaren't busy losing weight and getting into shape,they're grinding a feminist ax. Stuff what they say aboutbeautyonly being skin marksandwide asses stretch deep.Fat bellies,saggybreasts, are not attractive. Women my &Be,and yours, expectme to be hard, strong, unemotional,rational, their knight in shining armor. I ilm no longeranyone's savioror protector.I don't fix cars, washing is machines anythingelseunlessthe damselin distress under or the 25. Harshwords,yes.TheyreflectwhatI've learned, harsh way. with womencloseto my ageare, "Like, You Relationships " to know, totally, predictable. I know the role I'm supposed to play. Sheknowsthe role I'm supposed play. Throughsubtle, me she not andsometimes so subtlemanipulation prevents from me beinganythingother thanwhat shewantsme to be, expects to be. I end up relating to her the way I relatedto my former wife. There's no room for innovationor freedom,no way to stop the s:rmeold shit from happening.

Why Young Women

39

clonesof my ex and yours, Womenover 35 are behavioral They'refrom values. astired, asjaded,asboring,with thesame the sameera. GREAT, NO EXPECTATIONS! If you want to be who you are now, andwhat you are now, you needsomeone from a different eta, a womanwho didn't grow up thinking a 40 year old man shouldbe OzzieNelson. to doesn't knowwhatyou're supposed be, she A youngwoman your age. with anyone hasno experience To heryou ateanunknowr, a mystery,&trexcitingmale.You canpaintyourselfanyway you'd like, differenteveryday. You canbe a kite flying 13 yearold, atr 18 year old cockhound,a human daredevilof 27 and it's alwaysokay to be a sensitive You don't frustrations, desires dreams. and beingwith feelings, needshiny arrnor. MY PRIMARY QUALIFICATIONS A few yearsagoa womannewsanchorsueda broadcaster, claiming she was fired because wasn't pretty enoughor she pleasant enough.I predictedshe would win, thinking not one to had of her malebosses the ballsto sayhe prefersfemales be and attractive sweettempered. I've got 'em. "AnyoneI datemustbe attractive and sweet " I tempered. I'm still ableto saythat because haveone more requirement "She cannotbe a castratingbitch." Since my , divorceonly four womenover 30 hadthreeout of three.I have yet to meeta ball busterunder 24. Thanks to 'nstrong" women my preferencehas become (Lookatstewardesses immoral it's because anti-egalitarian. these days. Eeccch!)As you know that newsanchoreventuallylost but it wasn't the resultof management's truthfulness. FAR MORE TIIAN BEAUTY If you've spentthe night with a divorcedmother you'll recognizethis "good morning" comment, "Shit, it's only " Wednesday.Whena youngwomangetsup shesees day full a of promise,something wonderfulmight happen. " Youngwomenarefar moreof the goodness "female, far of less of the meanness. They're less angry, less hurt, less less less burdened, demanding, manipulative, morealive, more more emotional,more spontaneous, energetic, more openand yes, more attractive.

40

HOWTODATEYOUNG WOMEN

Youth is alive, excited, emotional, full of enthusiasm,energy and drive. Youth can change the world, and your world. Her positive attitude infects you. Optimism and hope cast out cynicism and futility. When I finally made love with a young woman two long years after getting divorced, I felt whole again, reborn. By touching ffie, taking me inside, enjoyirrg my thrusting, surrendering to orgasm, she anointed me. No longer a banished leper, an untouchable,unlovable, middle agedman, I was reaccepted into the human race. Our culture values youth, period. I'm a member of our culture. I value young women, period. TIIE INTBRNAL ME Ah[D MAYBE YOU A few years ago I discoveredthe gut-level reasonI strongly prefer young women. I used to think it was becausethey are so physically attractive. I used to think it was becausethey are so much more fun. I used to think it was becauseI didn't know how to date them when I was young. I used to think it was becausethey make me feel so male, so alive. I used to think my friends might be right aboutmy Peter Pan syndroffie, you know, never growing up. The soul-searchedtruth has elementsof all these and little to do with any of them. When I look in the mirror I don't see a young man looking back at me. The guy I seehas thinning hair, deep wrinkles and has to lean away from the mirror to get his image in focus. Yeah, I know that middle aged man in the mirror is me but he doesn't look like the me trapped in this 46 year old body. The me inside, the real ffie, the emotional, spiritual me is 27 years old. I ask you, what 27 year old wants to date a 39 year old divorcee with three kids? I want someonewho doesn't look and act like she's old enough to be my mother, at least the mother of my internal self. The me inside wants the sameyoung women the average27 year old wants, Pets or Playmatesof the Month, UCLA cheerleadersand any girl sitting by the pool in Palm Springs during Easter vacation. As stated, I discovered all this a few years ago. I had other reasons and still have some. Let me tell you about both as you begin to Understand Yourself.

Know thyself.
SOCRATES

Yourself Understand
If you're like ffie, whatusedto be important,isn't. A corner office with a walnut wastebasketno longer has much signifiin cance.A nicely mown lawn, a cleanworkbench the garage, who cares?But thoseyoung females,thosebeautiful, alive, youngfemales,now they're right up there, in fact what could really be more important? Well, what? yearof our Lord 2016,I don't think I'll evenremember In the how cleverly I blockedHarry's attemptto transfer[steal]part of my budgetback in'79. If I do recallI doubtit will give me any pleasure evenif he was a formidablecorporate opponent. politics and intrigueusedto be fun. Damn, I used Company to enjoyout thinkingassholes Harry. These like daysI get beat often. Much more importantthings are on my mind, crucial decisions await. "ShouldI call Betsyback or let her wait a MaybeI oughtto call Annefirst, just chat,see coupleof hours? how she'sdoing after our football date, checkwhat the vibes are?Natt! I shouldgo overthere,makean appearance. call I'll Betsylater." Last Monday morning the kiss asseswere busy hovering plotting around alcoholic, our muddle headed DivisionManager, their end run for Tuesday's staff meeting.Jim managed let to me know right after lunch. I could have short cut thosedicks but it would havetakenhalf the night.

HOW TO DATE YOUNGWOMEN

My valuesare differentnow, now that I know I'm going to getold anddie. I spent restof Mondayafternoon the bullshitting with Arure,the big, round,red headin Building 2A. Sheasked " me over "to watchMondayNight Football. Yeah,right. Sure, I got blown away at the meeting.Knowing the grim reaper's waitinghelpedme makemy choice.So I don't make Department Head,I madeAnne, twice. WITHOUT A LITTLE IIELP FROM YOT]R FRIENDS Haveyou learned now no onecantakecareof you except by you?You're goingto get tonsof unasked adviceon how to for get it backtogether you cankeepon keeping You know, on. so how to agegracefully.Heardthis yet? What'sthe mntterwith you?Act your age!Don't makea us fool out of yourself.Don't embarrass eitherfor Christ's Makeup It sake.Stopthis nonsense. can't leadanywhere. person. Put your with your wife. She'san understanding lW back together. 'Fuckoff?'Maybeyou see Wattayamean, should somebody aboutthis. You'reacting crary! To beterrifiedof dyingwithouteverhavinglivedis not crary. younglover lying in your anns,grinninga satisfied, A sated smug smile, can prove you're not crazy quicker than any self-righteous shrink.He'll charge bearded, $50 an hourto tell you: doesat your age. . It's okayto havethese feelings Everyone Thq're just feelings.Feelings aren't wrong.Actionsare you It'Il women. mnke wrong. Go ahead,talk aboutyoung to better.It's norm,al want them. feel Puke.DoublePuke.Takethat$50andbuy Tracya goldankle chain. That's much more productive,as long as you expect nothingin return. me to seems think so except Maybeyou are crary. Everyone I've We on experts middle age. understand. anda few thousand gonethrougheverythingyou're strugglingwith. It didn't kill me. It hurt like hell, yes. But I'm still here and I'm going to Stayhere. I won't go back to a miserable,boring, empty marriage,a mind numbingcareeror beingsuccessful.

UnderstandYourself

43

What goodis "success" you're miserable, if bored,horny, emptyandlonely?Of whatuseareclubmemberships, electronic toys and weekend cabinswhenyou're going to die in the end? Do you wantto look backandremember, wasa big shot.My "I office was on the top floor with a big deskand a credetrza?" It's my turn. I paid my dues.I earned right to exist on the my terms,to bewith whomI want,whenI want.You mustthink it's your turn or you wouldn't be readingthis book. ARE YOU STILL ALI\18? Onceyou know you're going to die it's naturaland normal you're still alive, proof you have life left to seekreassurance to give andshare. Others think we shouldsomehow know we're alive, think we should acceptmiddle &ge, old ageand death gracefully.Othersthink, period. Not me. f wantedto know, not think I was, and arn, a desirable, alive man. I soughtirrefutable,hard evidence. When your young lover takes you into her body you'll interpret actof givingastheultimateevidence arealive. her you She,the essence life itself, of what it means be alive, will of to prove it. Everythingelsewill be, and is, intellectual dog shit. I interpretedit the sirmeway. Making passionate love with her at six on Mondaymorning will be reassuring with a capitalR. Life will be worth living, again.She'lI bring joy, pleasure, softness innocence and back into your world. You will have a reasonto make money, a purpose, something look forwardto. You'll be ableto go out to there again, out there where mediocrity and assholes the call shots. AI{OTIIER VIEWPOINT, MINE Seenthe movie Middle Age Crary?[t's true exceptfor the money grubbing"happy"ending. resigns He himselfto spending the rest of his life in suburbiaafter reconcilingwith his wife. Screwthat. The way I look at it you cango backto beingmarriedat any time. You can go back to datingdivorcedwomenwith kids at any time. At 40, time's runningout for youngwomen. You'll neverhaveanother like chance this. You canstill get your body into good conditionso she'sattracted you on a to physicallevel. At 55 I doubt it, unlessyou're John Derek or

44

HOW TO DATE YOUNGWOMEN

Dorian Gray. Althoughyou're on the downhill sideof athletic prowess canstill makelove like an 18yearold, whenshe's you 20. It's your life, what'sleft of it. The nextten yearscanbe the bestdecade your life if, andonly if, YourMotives areethical of andpractical.

Thereare fnv, tf any, accidents.

FREUD

Your Motives
What do you want from a young wornan,anyway?Do you want to have stimulating conversationsabout competing anthropological theories the originsof religion?Do you want on her to be a sparkling,culturedhostess help clinch your next to you'd like a female big dealby charmingyour clients?Perhaps who'd do your laundry, cleanyour house,feedthe dog, do the your sexual shopping, service needs withoutcomplaint never and ask for money. You're readingthe wrong book, Jack! SPELL IT OTJT Define what you want. Don't be shy. Tell it like it is. Sex, companionship, understanding, friendship? You can want anything. A sexpartner,a lover, a friend. Maybeyou'd like a: fiance,steady friend, nearlysteady girl girl friend, p&rt-timegirl friend, seriousdate, frequentdate, semi-frequent date, life partner, casuallover. How 'bout just a torrid affair? A female you can control? A date for the weekendwith no questions askedon Monday morning? Okay, so you're reluctant.{'ll go first, so you get the idea. I want a femaleunencumbered childrenwho doesnot want by to get encumbered. want her to be unjadedand optimistic. I I want a someone who is aroused easily, excitedby sexbecause shehasn't donethis a hundredtimes before.

HOW TO DATE YOUNGWOMEN

I want somebody canbe silly with, play with, laughwith, I someone carefree, untroubled. wanta youngwomanI cantalk I to whenI'm troubledandget thingsoff my chest,cry if I have to. Sheneedsto listen empathetically shedoesn'thaveto but understand. I don't want someone cleanandcookfor me. I don't want to or a live-in lover. I don't want a girl friend, steady unsteady. I don't want to be a provider.I don't want to be considered a potentialhusband. You don't Gotthe idea? Well, whatdo you want?Be honest. haveto be realistic you mustknow why you're doing this. but If you don't, you'll soonwonderwhy it's so dark, not knowing your headis up your ass. WIIAT A YOI]NG WOMAN CAI\NOT BE Shecan'tbe a woman.Shecan'tbe your equal.Shecan'tbe of an adult capable long term planning.Shecan't know what you already know. She can't understand what you already understand. She can't give up her dreamsfor you. She is a package deal. you're into long Shecan'tbeyour wife or live-inloverunless frietrd, term frustrationandpain. Shecan'tbe anunderstanding evenif shecanbe your friend, 8sshehasno real graspof adult problerns, trials and frustrations. MSTICMOTIVES Like many thingsyou do, your desireto dateyoungwomen you is often driven by something may not be awareof. The big threemotivesmen hide from themselves: Provingyou arestill a man. Hurting your ex-wife. Trying to recovera lost youth. favorite.Sureit's foolish.Butit's often Thefirst is everyone's you're unless beforeyou cango on with life. However necessary you a userof the worst with her, it makes painstakingly honest kind. The secondis popular, a naturalwant but demonstrates you are a complete as asshole well asa userof the worst kind. beforeyou canmove required sometimes Thethird, impossible, to on. It's themostdangerous you andyour younglover. Before gettinginto the big three,hereare someother classics. If you just want some"young stuff' wear a weddingband,

Your Motives

47

act like you're married,behave like you only want to get laid. It's easyif you're slim and trim, looking good and over your divorce. (That's all explained coupleof chapters a from now.) If you're not slim et al, irld you still just wantto getlaid, hire expensive, youngprostitutes. honest. It's The energy,time and moneysaved will be tremendous, to mentionthe frustration, not ridicule andpain you'll spareyourself. If you're lookingfor a meaningful, long term, love relationship, only datewomenover 30. If you want to be takencare of by a substitute mother,stick with womenover 35. HURTING YOUR EX'WIFE. If you're driven by wanting to angerandhurt your x, believeme, I understand, sympathize and empathize. Here is a muchmore ethicaland effJctiur *ry of doing it. Get a beautifulprostitutewho doesn'tlook like I whore. Arrangeto be seenwith her wherethe newswill travel fast, twice a week for a month. Moneywise, you'll bewayatread evenif she's$100perhour. We're talking, what? $300 a week for a month?Shit, you'll spendthatmuchjust on clothes gettingreadyfor youngwomen. And don't forgetfringebennies. The rentalgirl will get you off ten timesbetterthan any 22 yearold you'll ever mJet. You won't haveto wait until you're over the divorceso you canbehave like a confident,together,maturemale, mandatory to attractyoungwomen.That seems takea yearor two. you to won't haveto wait until you get rid of that pot belly and learn how to dress,which takesanothersix months.But if you wait that long you won't give a shit what your ex thinl* anyway. Seriouslynow, if getting even with your ex is a ptirorry motive,you won't beworth a goodgoddamnmeeting dating *rit youngwomenanyway.Justloseweight,getin shape, learnhow to look good,then after a year of 35 year old divbrcees you'll be properly motivated. PRowNG Yoa'RE yTILL A MAII. you are a man. In reality there'snothingto prove, to anyone.It doesn'tfeel that way insideyou say. yrp, I remember. To feel like a mancompletely, you musthavedirect, tangible evidence femalesare attracted you and desireyou. Not just to any female,either.

48

WOMEN HOWTODATEYOUNG

The more attractive and desirable the female, the more you feel like a man. Okay, I'll buy that. We know, in our culture, how old the most attractive, desirable females are. We know how females directly and tangibly give hard evidence you are attractive and desirable. And, we know you doubt your manliness, shaken by divorce and looming middle age. Now we know one of your motives for wanting to date young women, don't we? You want to prove you're still a virile male with plenty of miles left on your cock. Okay, it's true. You want to feel like a man again. So what? Big fuckin' deal. Every one of the million and a half guys each year who ends up where you are wants the same damn thing. Now the only questionis, will you be honorable as you gather the evidence neededto feel like a man? If you're not honest and realistic with your young lover, and with yourself, about the long run impossibilities of your affair, you will dishonorablyhurt and scarher. You needonly one thing to be honorable,honesty.To be honestyou needcourage.Either you have both or you will never, ever feel like a man. TRYING TO RECOVER A LOST YOUTH. Above I said "impossible." That's not strong enough. I tried "harebrained" "impractical" and "unachievable." Then decided there isn't a word strong enough to stop you from trying. So, I'll tell you my story. That won't stop you either. It may make it easierfor you to honestly search your heart and come to a level of awareness and self acceptance years sooner, with far less heartachefor you and your young lover. Vfith the help of a strong, honest, smart 24 year old who didn't want to get "too involved," I becameawareI really wasn't just having fun and enjoying life with young women. I was shocked. She was right. I was trying to make her my girl friend. Damn. How could I have not known that? I worried about it a lot. I questionedmyself. I talked about it. I thought about it, then I had a second thought, "Who gives a shit how sane,reasonableor productive my needs,wants and desiresare. I have them and by God I'm going to fulfill them. " A year later I fell in love with a 19 year old. I didn't just fall in love, I dived in love, with abandon. I had a hidden motive.

YourMotives

49

IIIDDEN MOTI\TES I've been thislongenough makeeverymistake at to possible, the biggestonetwice. From ultra-sad experience cantell you I a youngwomanis not ableto give you the storybook marriage you may still long for, as I did, anddo. You remember, backin the '50's, the marriage our society indoctrinated with, led us to believein, to seek,to die foi. us We saw it in movies, read about it in fairy tales. Prince CharmingmarriesCinderellaand they live happilyever after. In my heartof hearts that'sthemarriage still wantno matter I how cynical I appearto be, no matter how unrealisticand unattainable marriageis. I boughtthat dream.It is locked that in my everymuscle,burnedin everyfiber of my heart.I want it. I deserve I earnedit. I feel cheated my life did not it. that turn out that way.
There's mnny a change in the winter wind, And a change in the clond's design. There's many a change in a young fgirl'sJ heart, But never a change in mine. I Never Will Marry,American Traditional, by Dollyparton best

You may have a hiddenprimary motive for dating young women. I discovered mine when, for the secondtime, I wai devastated emotionally and spiritually crushedby a young woman.My will to live was at the low point of my entire45 years.I hadno purpose, goal,no hope.I wouldneverhave no my dreammarriage,ever. Life was futile. Why bother? After partiallyrecovering, two monthprocess, asked a I myself, "what am I doing wrong?How could I pick a second young womanto fall madly, totally, in love with, who would break my heart?"I knewit couldn'tbethegodsweretesting again. me It had to be ffie, something was doing. I choseboth of them I from the entireLos Angelespopulation. Whatdid theyhavein common? Personality-wise, absolutely nothing. The first was a quiet introvert, the seconda fu*V extrovert. Physically, absolutely nothing.A beautiful, tall, thin blond, and a short, roundbrunettewith a differentface. They wereboth very bright. Theywereboth ex-Catholics. what? So I opened reluctanteyes.They wereboth 19 when I fell my unconrmittedly lovewith them.I marriedthefirst whenI was in 36.I wantedto marry the second whenI was 461

50

HOW TO DATE YOUNGWOMEN

YOU CAIVT GO HOME AGAIN. My hiddenmotive was to find a young wife, so I could go back and re-live my adult life. It hadn't turnedout like it was to. supposed Goddamnit!Life was going to give me what I dreammarriage. in, longedfor andbelieved a happily-ever-after This time I was ready. There would be no way of messing from two marriages I'd up. I knewtoo much,everything learned gathered during M yearson the planet. plus all the knowledge kind Our marriagewasn't goingto be the idiotic impossible I was raisedbelievingin. Shit, I knew that wasn't reality. No couplecan do that, not even OzzieandHarriet. This marriage to was going to be custommade,designed fit both our needs. thencall for aslong iN possible, We weregoingto live happily it quits. Realistic.Practical.We'd haveeachother as friends, to lovers andpartners.What could havebeenbetter?A chance go back and do it over, the right way. You're theonty guy who knowswhatyour motivesreally are. I didn't taketime to look at mine, too busylooking for a young wife. Take the time. Have the courageto look genuinelyand deeply insideyourself. It is not shamefulto long for a chance to live life over again.It is foolish to try. Why is it? ONLY CHANGEIS CONSTAfT. Thinkback.Wasn'titlight who you were at21. Were you yearsfrom 16to 2I? Remember 30? What's importantto a L9 year old is anythinglike that at to insignificant a 25 yearold. You are nearlythe personyou'll be for the restof your life. the to At 2I or 22, she'sbeginning become personshe'll be. ten changes times fasterthan you. After a year At her ageshe with you her goals,world view, sexualneedsand lust for life will be so differentfrom the girl you fell in love with your head will spin. In the decadeatreadshe will becomea completely differenthumanbeing,emotionally,spirituallyandpsychologically. Each day she will gain more self knowledge and self will Life's possibilities Her confidence. horizonswill broaden. and real to her. Her goalswill change.Her becomenumerous Shewill judge you by thosenew values. valueswill change. Sure, being with her acrosstime will changeYou, it will to or you radically. But not enough fast enough keepup change with her. Even if you like the new her, shewon't like you. She

YourMotives

51

wantsmore. More "what" shedoesn'tknow. Sheonly knows you can't give it to her. I marriedSharon whenshewas 23.I was 36. We divorced when shewas 29. We neverhad a chance. The yearsfrom 23 to 29 are five times more change-filled than thosefrom 36 to 42. We hadtwo yearsof happiness, year of boring neutrality a and endedwith threeyearsof misery. I met Carla on her 19th birthday. I fell self abandonedly, madly,totally in love with her two months later. I let love come like a giant tidal wave, crash over me and sweepme away, reborn.Justlike in the movies. The joy of life shebrought.Her face lighting up when I'd just surprise please Whatpleasure, talkingandbeingwith or her. her. Whathappiness. Whatlack of emptiness. This wasthe one I waslookingfor, the youngwife who couldgive me onemore chance living my life over. at What did I do? Pressured subtly and not so subtly to her return my love. What did she do? Pickedfights so she could breakup with me or hurt me so much I'd breakup with her. We had a romanticbut stormy, otr again-offagain 18 month affair until finallyoshequit, fed up with it all. Without her I hadno plan, ro dream.I waslost. I promised to stoptalking aboutliving together,to stopthinking aboutthe futureandlive our affair onedayat a time. Miracle of miracles it worked for threegreatmonths.Then her boyfrienddumped her, "To find out who f am." Two weekslater she said she'd like to work toward living together.Jesus! Did I leap in, heartand soul! During the next painfully, eversopainfully apparent, two monthsit became she wasnot interested, willing or capable sustaining relationship of a with me or anyone else,for that matter. Shehurt me so deeplyandso oftenby lying during thattime, she destroyed love I had for her. I felt like sucha fool. I all wantedto die. Later, I could seeshehad beentotally confused aboutlife, love, sexandcommitment. She'dmadethat offer only to ensure I'd be therefor her like a devoted puppyuntil shedecided what she wanted from life, boys, young men and men. I was a convenient anchor,nothingmore.

52

HOW TO DATE YOUNGWOMEN

If Carla and I had married her changeswould have made Sharon'slook like minor ripples. Carla was so much stronger herselffartherandfaster, andbraver. Shewould havestretched growing more, changing more eachyear until more, becoming shemovedon. SinceCarla, I am ableto simply enjoywhatmy younglovers haveto offer. As always,I'm honest,ethicalandfair. If I start falling in love I diplomaticallyreducethe internity level, so as not to makeher feel rejected.If sheinsistson knowing why I aboutmyself ambackingoff, I tactfullytell herwhatI've learned from Carlaandmy unrealistic loving a youngwonurn motivesfor pace. and hope shecontinues a reduced at And yet I still find, back there in the corner of my heart, a longing for a youngwife so I cantry again.I stayawareof my motiveandof the impossibilities. WhenI startfeelinglike I may be slippingovertheabyss, look in themirror andshout,*S.y, I yearsold. Let's not go on that fool! She'stwentygod damned " trip, again.Justenjoy, while it lasts. You'll hearmore aboutCarla later on. Therewereplenty of goodtimes,too. But, right now, it's timeto GetReady Her. For

Thefirst attraction waspurely physical.

ROD STEWART

There'sno suchthing as luck, only preparation meetingopportunity .

COACH LOMBARDI

GetReadyFor Her
Soon you'll have to talk with her aboutthings she's interested in. First you must look like somebody she'd like to talk to. Translation: Someoneshe'd like on top of her. Let's not bullshit ourselves, okay? She's already what you want. You have to become what she wants. Lard disgustsher! SLIM AI\D TRIM You're not even ready to talk with her until you're within ten pounds of your weight at the end of boot camp. You don't need muscles, you need to be slim and trim. Either get there or buy a video of "Teen Nymphos Unchained" and whack off to it for the rest of your life. There's just one way to lose weight - eat less and exercise more. Only running works. It's effective, measurable.There's no way to rationalize. You can run anywhere, anytime with nothing but a pair of $30 shoes. Bicycling, skiing, tennis, swimming, racket ball and so on, are pseudoexercisewith builtin excuses. Fuck dieting. Stop eating so god damn much. Get your fat ass out there and put those miles on. Everything else is self deception. A six percentweight loss is "well on your way.' If after two months of running and eating less, you aren't well on your way to slim andtrim, you're not serious.Resignyourselfto divorcees over 35. They don't mind fat, it mixes well with theirs.

HOW TO DATE YOUNGWOMEN

Be intelligent about it. You took ten yearsto get so flabby and out of shape,don't try to get back to your fighting weight in a couple of months.Buy somebooks. Develop a plan, a yet scheduleand a daily routine with measurable, affainable to goals.Everythingin your life hasto be adjusted your fitness progr:lm.Nothing interferes, dating,not work, not travel, not works. not holidays.Only resolveandperseverance When you can run thirty minutesa day, tt a ten minute per class.Keeprunningon mile pacejoin a coedaerobicexercise get in that class,you'll meetsome the daysit doesn'tmeetbut new friendsof both sexes, under 30. YOIJNG FRIEIYDS Making friendswith asmanyyoungpeopleaspossibleis the most importantpart of gettingreadyfor her. You know second what's the mostimportant don't you, BeerBelly. While you're gettingtrimmeddown,find, meet,talkwith, andbecome friends with anyone under30. Smileandsayhelloto youngfolks at work, comingandgoing at socialor aroundyour complexandespecially any gathering, with to Thismakes mucheasier starta conversation it otherwise. him or her whenyou meetagain. Young females are reluctant to talk with any male who approaches them,let alonea 40 yearold potentialmasher.But you merelyknow someone does,you havea built in she when of "reference,"you're not an undesirable any kind, reducing her tensionand fear quickly. The more fear you can keep out the of the initial encounter, easierit is to attracther. junior collegeor collegeclasses under 30 both sexes Take youngpeople will relaxandopen will be in. Duringthesemester end up to you if you act like an equal.At semester's you will to whereyou'll havea chance become be invitedto a celebration good friendswith thoseon your wavelength. I took Film and TelevisionProduction,Radio Production, I Film as Literature and Photography. madea lifelong female and male friend. They formed the core of my after-divorce circle. Join a health club. Visit severalclose to home or work. one Choose that'snot a pickupbar withoutthebar. Getto know all youngmales.Make friendswith the onesyou like.

GetReady Her For

.55

Invite youngmento watchfootballor any othersportfor that matter,get to know eachotherbetter.Drink beer,talk andtell jokes and other "manly" pastimes. They'll get to seeyou're a nonnalperson.You'll get usedto youngpeople. After you arefriendswith a guy under30 the entireprocess becomes mucheasier.Whenhe introduces it's a stirmp so you of approvalfrom the anti-dirty old man league.The young womenin his circlesaccept you quickly if you're friendly and aren't on the make.Eventuallylightningwill strike. REAL WORLD SUCCESSSTORY Last week I went to the supermarket grab somebeer for to theMondaynightgame. Jenny,from my film class, wasworking as a box girl. I stopped chatted and with her on the way in. On my way out the cute cashiersaid, "Hi, Don," and gaveme a big smile. I racedthroughmy memorybankssearching a for name or where, or when, or how she knew me. At Mark's party?The collegeworkshoplastmonth?Blank, nothingl Shitl I glanced her nirmetag. "Cathy?Sorry. I don't remember at you." Shelaughed told me she'dasked and Jennywho I was. We talkeda bit andI left. I wentbackto her checkout standthe next day and the next and the next. On Sunday went to brunchand talked, got to know each we other. Shewas aboutto be engaged her boyfriend,away at to school.Without sayingso shewanted havea fling beforeshe to settled down. I obligedher, happily. You neverknow whenthegodswill providethe opportunity. I wasprepared. paid my dueswith Jenny. I'd READY TO TALK If you can't talk with women you can't talk with young women. Read,How To TaIk To AnybodyAbout Anything,by BarbaraWalters.Learnhow to converse, with womenfirst. If you can talk to women without getting tonguetied or inappropriately suggestive, only needto learnaboutthings you that interestyoung women. Get informed.You don't haveto becomean expertbut don't be ignorantlike her father. You'll highlight the agedifference. What's an 18 to 24 yearold interested Clothes,males, in? music,cars, movies, television, skiing,travel,partying, drinking anddrugs.Okay,nowthatyouknowwhather interests what are,

56

HOW TO DATE YOUNGWOMEN

Even better, do you alreadyknow shemight find interesting? you can learn from her? what doessheknow to Setsomeof your car radiopushbuttons her musicstations. Make yourself listen. Pick out the music you like. Buy the "artist's" albumsandtapes. She doesn't expect you to be into her music but if you knowledgeof the current music sceneyou will demonstrate her impress quickly. Burn your Elvis andSinatraalbumsor put them in the garagewhereshe'll neverseethem. or Prince,Madonna Depeche You mightnotbeableto discuss your facewhen Mode. At leastyou won't havea blanklook on she'stalking aboutthem.You may not like the rockersshedoes but you'll know who they are so you won't be like Daddy or You will be different, one of the most important her teachers. keys to being ableto dateyoung women. CH, CH, CH, CIIANGES When you're almost down to boot citmp weight change bars,socialclubs, coffeeshops, restaurants, Change everything. The youngwomenwho alreadyknow you ate sp&,everything. just you not goingto be interested because finally got it together. as new companies you're gettingthe Interviewwith several numberof youngfemales flab off. Pick the onewith the largest divisionsof your change on the payroll. If that'snot possible, presentcompany.Don't go until you're slim and trim. forget it. It's too late. All If you stay at the sirmecompany, youngoneshaveseen how you look at them.They've seen the you fat anddressed a dork. They won't careif you change like now. California,divorced40 year old buys The typical, southern complexin Marina and movesto an apartment a red Corvette the world. After two monthsof Del Rey, the singles'capitalof The peoplewho why he can't get anywhere. trying he wonders places pro's, solidplastic.TheyreadPlayboy's are live in these BarsIn the Countr!," thenrushto the closest. "HottestPiclcup You can't find a betterway of meetinga youngwomanthan and at a friend's house.The quickest bestway is to moveto an or apartment condocomplexwheremost tenantsare 25 to 40. buitdingsnext to the The bestwould be oneof thoseapartment The college,if it's not ninetypercentstudents. noisewould be and overwhelming you'd look out of place,thus suspicious.

Get Ready For Her

57

Find a placewherethepeoplearenot swingingsingles.Talk to everyone work. Ask around.Readthe ads. Then get up at off your assand go out looking. Don't bothermoving in until you're slim and trim. You don't want to make any poor first impressions. YO'RrDE, BRO' For all her younglife boyshavetalkedandtalkedaboutcars. the Sheaccepts importance a male having a cool car. of Your wheelsare important,not crucial like your slim, trim that reeks figure and dressing well, but don't drive something of middle age. If you have a four-door Olds, sell it and buy priced that's sportyor has someclass. comparably something her to go for you Don't spendbig bucks on a car expecting of because what you drive unlessyou want to attract gold diggers. VW Rabbit or bug, 914 Your car can be too young little picltuptruck or any Vega, Pinto, MG Midget, Porsche, cheap, tiny car. It canbe too old, literally if it's fadedandworn stationwagon.It canbe or, figuratively,like a nine-passenger She like too ostentatious a Cadillacor big Mercedes. hatesbig or or cars,evenconvertibles T-topssuchasEldorados Lincolns are it's unless trendyas '59 Caddies now (1985). 190'sare the BMW's, Volvos, SaabTurbosand Mercedes currentYuppieloves.They'll do fine if you canmakeyourself join the pack. Touring cars are doublebarreled, classy and sporty Porsche944's, ZX's, Vettes 300 ,IagXJS's,Maserati QuatroPortos,dreamon. Sporty two door cars like the Supra,Accord, Impulseand four T-Bird all aregoodchoices. Acceptable sporty/classy door madeby Jag,Volvo, BMW, Mazda,Hondaandthe sedans are sportyAmericaniron (mid-sizeonly). her You musthavea "totallybitchin"'stereo. loves music She good. Anythingover $300will do. Do not loud and sounding your finances. your moneyto spend far more on overextend Save importantand productivethings in the future, like flying with can't catchyou afterthat, her to LasVegas.Youngcompetitors no matterwhat they're driving.

HOW TO DATE YOUNGWOMEN

YOI]R PLACE yo'sef. You Don't havea faggotdecorate for you. 'Spress it don't haveto haveexpensive furniture.You musthavea great stereoand her music. A good television and stereoVCR are helpful. Dressing well is far more importantif bucksare tight. palace.Water Your bedroommust not look like a pleasure period.No bedsarouse suspicions. Masculine comfortable, and mirrors! Keep your place neat and clean. There is no better first you impression canmakeon a youngwomanthanto havea well kepthome.She's usedto thefilth youngmenlive in. And, she's used to being expected cleantheir dumpswhen she visits to them. Don't evenask her to help straighten until the third up month, thenbe extremely polite. Most youngwomenlovechampagne. Theythink it's romantic. Pragmatic whatI think. The carbonation the alcoholinto is gets her blood streamfaster.I keeptwo bottlesin my refrigerator at all times. They love junk food. Once she's there don't interruptthe flow to go out. Stockup, thenkeepyour fat hands off it. SMOKE Get rid of your cigars,period. Pipesarejust as bad except for the rare youngwomanwho fantasizes aboutmakingit with a professor-type. Stink up the garage until shementions liking pipes. Cigarettes another are you story. Shewill not hold it against if you don't smoke.Many dislikecigarettes muchthey will so dismissyou instantlyif you smoke,aboutthirty percentI'd guess. resteithersmoke don'tcare.Don't, until you see The or her lighting up or until you can find out where she is on this intensely emotional issue. Most don't careif you get high smoking marijuana. Eighty percent join you. I estimate five percent rejectyou will only will for alteringyour perception. nevermet one.Abouthalf of I've the oneswho smokedopewill teaseyou aboutbeing a wimp if you don't but nonewill hold it against you. DRUGS Alcohol is her favoritedrug. Shelikes everything from beer to Long Island Iced Teas.Youngeror less experienced ones preferfoo-foodrinks.I've neverevenmetonewho didn't drink.

@t ReadyFor Her

59

After you start moving in youngercircles you will be able to buy anythitrg,includingheroin, within a few hoursof asking peoplewhotrustyou. If you wereinto theSammy aroundamong Suburbia-Harriet Housewife scene duringthe 60's and70's you are a potential drug experimenter. I've abandoned except all Miller Lite, cheapchampagne Kona Gold. and Young women,especially rebellious,independent the ones interested an affair with and older man, take drugs for the in thrill of it andto testthemselves. Many love cocaine,someto the point of ruining their lives. Nonewill write you off for not snortingbut someconsideryou a heroin addict if you whiff a coupleof lines. This is an issue requiring a sensitiveapproach.Younger females aren't differentfrom older onesin this area.However you dealwith womenandcocaine fine. Youngpeoplearenot is portrayed in the media. I strongly the Hoover vacuums recommend nevertouchingthe stuff. Speedand downersin all forms are usedby fifteen percent in my experience.They won't hold it againstyou for not ingesting thesechemicals any others,if you don't preach. or from a too painful Someyoungwomentakedrugsto escape reality. Between 1979and L982I sawa beautifulyoungwoman endup on heroin,another up in jail with her boyfrienddead end of an overdose. Someone with a drug problemmay be attracted to you. You canplay savioror bail out early. In my experience, you can't saveanyone. BUSINESSCARI) Design classy, a tasteful, expensive, interesting business card. you It is a present her, your first. It separates from the boys to andmakesher feel grownupand important.Make it something to talk about.Cute, different,unusual. READY TO SIIAKE You must havea firm, masculine handshake.If you don't, developone. Have the balls to get advicefrom your female friends.You needn'tsaywhatyou're practicingfor. Feedback is necessary change.(Much more on shakinghandswith her to is comingin Court Her.'y You can do everythingin this chapterwhile losing that gut, thenyou'll needa whole new wardrobeto startl-ooking hod.

The clothes mnke the mnn.

UNKNOWN WISE PERSON

Brown ShoesDon't Make It

FRANK ZAPPA, title of a song

Looking Good
The young woman out there waiting for you is infatuated with clothes. She talks about them, readsaboutthem, loves shopping for them and appreciatesany man who wears them well. You won't get anywhere looking like her Daddy. Gather up all Daddy-look-a-like clothes. Don't put them in a bag for the SalvationArmy. Burn them. Burn them right now, like evidence convicting you of father rape and mother murder. Next, buy and read thoroughly , Looking Good by C. Hix, published by St. Martin's and The Truth About What Women Really Want In Men, published by Playboy Press. Pay attention to how male models 35 to 60 are dressed in magazineslike Playboy, Esquire and G8. Don't be trendy. That's trying too hard. Follow fashion. After you've read the books and understand the principles involved get up off your wallet and go shopping. If you have a young female friend, or even one who's a burned out hulk of 28, take her along. Tell her you want truthful opinions and advice. If you don't have an under-3Ofriend, enlist an acquaintance but friends are best. They aren't afraid to tell it like it is. DRESSING WELL You must look good and dress well all the time if you're serious. That doesn't mean jacket and tie. It means wearing tasteful, fashionableclothing, appropriate to the situation.

Looking @od

6I

you I suggest dressas sharplyaspossiblebased what the on permits. In somesettingsT-shirts are fine but a polo sinration shirt would not be over dressed sharper,especially color the but you look bestin. I get the most compliments dark greenand in black. You know what yoursare. It givesyou an edge.W. e. Fieldsand I only want "a fair advantage.' gives the impressionyou are stury, the Being overdressed Daddyis stufff. Teachers kissof death under2l possibilities. to to are stury. You're a,casual,relaxedman who just happens yearsolder than sheis. Dressthe part. be 20 even withoutbeingwell dressed Never,neverleavethehouse The if you areonly goingto thesupermarket. onetime you don't takethoseten extraminutesto look goodwill be the day Laurie Longleggsis working as cashier,alone,bored and only you to talk with. Clotheswill not makeyou look younger. Sheviews a nran of 40 dressedlike a 22 year old the sameway you look at a turning her off, it will fiftyish womanin a mini-skirt. Besides causeyou to be secretlyridiculed everywhere,includlng your you'll Don't makea fool out of yourselfon purpose, company. accidenton this quest. do enoughof that by ABSOLATE NO NO'S. BeforeI get into it, re-readZappa's are quoteabove.Brown shoes worn only with beigeor brown attire.Got it? Brownbelts,brown socks,brownjackets,brown any-damn-thing,only goes with brown. There are a few exceptiorn,readthe books. booksare excellentbut they concentrate The recommended on the "do's." Here aremy biggest"don't's." To avoid looking like her Daddy, a patheticSugarDaddy or just a putz, never wear bright colors or anything blatantly polyester.Avoid the rest of thesethe sameway you avoid womenwho are fat, angry ball busters: alohashirts,any hat, includinggolf shoes, Two-toneshoes year olds wear, long boxerunderwear, ball capsunder-3O white jockey underwetr,any undershirt,Bermudashorts, trunks, patentleathershoes,elevatorshoes,high Speedo pantsor jackets,loudties,white or heels,plaid or patterned pastelsuits,mostcowboyboots,tank tops, muscleshirts, Wallabys, boots, Beatle sandals socks, with slippers, bedroom

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HOW TO DATE YOUNGWOMEN

jump pajamas, slacks, Top Siders,Hushhrppies,sans-belt shawl pants suits, suspenders, pockethandkerchiefs, sweaters, warmupsuitsand matching sweaters, buttonfront sleeveless any 60's or 70's attire such as bell bottomsor tie-dyed T-shirts. well The bookscover accessories but as a rule, "When in Mandatory do-without's: doubt,do without." watches pinky rings,gaudy,gold ostentatious Gold chains, . andrings,goldbracelets. . Time out! If you're wearing more than $200 worth of jewelry and including wrist watch,lou're trying to impress the accessories, her with your money.You wanther to wantyou, not what you 500 can buy her. Let the fat, phony pricks driving Mercedes like that. They're the oneswho must buy her. SEC'sbehave Time in! glasses a string aroundyour neck, lapel Any necklace, on paging glasses, buttons, largebeltbuckles, half-lens beepers, or or sweat bands head bands, on tie, anytie clasp tack, clip pen watches, calculator shirt pocket-protecting holdersand any60'sor 70'sorn:rmentation turquoise, like silveror beads. There are hundreds other no no's. Pay attentionto the of modelsin the magazines mentioned. Study"the look," copy it your own. at first, later, develop PLASTIC ST]RGERY Faceandeyelifts arefor menobsessed wrinkles.If you with fit in this category don't go for the economy model. Go to the same doctors the stars do, and then only after considering carefullywhy CharlesBronsondoesn'tbother. But wait, this is not something joke about.Plasticsurgery, to matter. evento get rid of the bagsunderone'seyesis a serious This is a decision Doctorsscrewup just like auto mechanics. investigation. requiring extensive My adviceis, don't take a you're 55 andlook 75.I havethreewomenfriends until chance one who havehadplasticsurgery.After two operations now has evenafter tits shecanlive with. The othershadbadexperiences goingto the bestin BeverlyHills. The first "only" hadher crow's feet "fixed" for $3000.She now looks scaredall the time. After crying a lot she's suing.

I-ooking @od

63

The otherhadher nose"fixed. " After winninga threeyearlegal battle she had to go through it two more times. I think she lookedbetterbefore.If it ain't broke,don't "fix' it. IIAIR Don't combyour hair in anelaborate to "disguise' your way bald spotor receding hair line. That hasthe sirmeimpacton her as wearing white patentleathershoes,lime greenleisure suit, openshirt, five gold chains,a gold nuggetwatchanda diamond pinky ring, InstantDry R.rssy. physiological If you wanther to havethesame response, wear a toupee. Hair transplants, hair weavingand other "new" methodsto make your hair thicker only makeyour wallet thinner. Forget it. You needyour moneyfor muchmore importantmatters,like taking her to Palm Springs. Any youngwomanyou talk with doesnot expectyou to have a full headof hair. Shewantsyou to be real, to be a man. Boys She havehair, mendo sometimes. wantsa man,nota boy. Hair, or the lack of it, doesnot makethe man, his clothesdo. For thoseof us gettingthin on top, short hair is mandatory. It gives the appearance more. Short means,short all over. of Not short with forty long hairs combedback in the middle or to other futile attempt pretendyour hair is not downthe shower drain. For thosewith plentyof hair, shorterhair is still the best.It on makesyou look younger.The lengthdepends the shapeof your faceandneck.The besthair style is onethat looks natural and casual, borderingon wind blown. Studythe modelsin the magazines. The well dressed man never looks like he needsa hair cut like hejust got one.Don't be shaggy have"white walls.' or or Unlessyou work for IBM, don't taperthe hair aroundyour rnart.No 50's business earsand in the back like a conservative hair styles either, especiallyanything resemblingour heros, The James Dean,Elvis, Fabian. 60'sand70'sareout, too. Mick Jagger, Bob Dylan, Frank Zappa,et al arehasbeen's.Getwith it. you, thenyou don't dateher. Anythingthatlooksstyleddates Hair helmetswere popular in the early 70's and are worn by

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WOMEN HOWTODATEYOUNG

men still living in the early 70's. Their hair is straightenedby blow drying, styled over the ears, edges turned under, then frozen in place with hair spray. Jimmy Carter's L976citmpaign photo is The Hair Helmet. Jack Kemp was wearing one a couple of years ago, now I don't know. I've lost interestin such trivial shit like who's president.I'm focusedon bigger things, younger things. Colored hair on you, contrary to the ads, looks as phony to her as bleached or blue hair does to you. The slightest bit of artificiality preventsverbal intercourseleadingto the other kind. She thinks, "If he dyes his hair, he probably needs a penile implant to get it up. " Gray and graying hair is a magnet, if you've got a decent body to go with it. If you don't, she only seesa fat, old man. Your slim, trim body comes first with her. If it happensto be attachedto gray hair, all the better. HAIR ON YOaR FACE. Facial hair makes you look older. It also makesyou look like a leftover hippy. Don't dateyourself. exceptin Tulsa You'll only dateyour fist. Sideburnsareuseless, or Appalachia. If you live either place move first, then take time to shave. for Trying to compensate a bald head with a beard only looks like you're trying to compensatefor a bald head with a beard. Mustaches or beards make you more attractive if you have certain facial features. Do without unlessyou have an upper lip a mile wide or no chin. If your features require facial hair it rnust be neat, short and well trimmed at all times. Don't sit at the table wondering why she's smirking. There's a piece of fettucini hung up in your 'stash. Constantmonitoring is required when eating or drinking. The rest of the time, combing and constantgrooming is a must. Blade shaving seemsto take off a couple of years. I do it in the morning or before she comes over in the evening. The rest of the time I use the Norelco in the car and shave on the way to the supermarket, coffee shop, restaurant or sporting goods store. I never know who may be working there. HNR ON THE REST OF YOaR HEAD. The hormonal changesyou begin around 35 and continuethrough 55 make you want to fuck like an 18 year old. That's good. The samechanges causehair in your earsand noseto grow like Topsy. That's bad.

Looking Cood

Don't let her find a bushin your earwhensheslipsher tongue in there.(You know whatI wasgoingto sayabouther bushand your tongue, don't you?)Hairsstickingout of your noseareas as attractive a booger.Trim all these hairseverydamned week. Develop a routine. Don't you dare forget "Yucky" is her . descriptiveword for thesehairs. Bushy eyebrowsmust be trimmed.No discussion. BODY HAIR. Thick backhair or chesthair protrudingfrom your shirt makesyou look like a gorilla. Keep it trimmed. It appeals only to Middle Easterners. haveno interestin them. I Nope.I know who I like. It's neveranyone Racist? who can't speak king's English. the MOUTH AND TEETH Tobacco stained, broken,poorly capped missing teethput or you in the infarnous lime greenleisuresuit and cause sirme the vaginalresponse. will ill fitting or obviousdentures. So Don't you'll do enough thataccidentally. makeher dry on purpose, of A great smile is worth the bucks. Ask aroundfor the best cosmetic dentist.With denture problemsfind the one who fits them for the rich people in your area. If you're still in Appalachia afterwhatI saidaboutsideburns, lou're out of luck, but don't worry, bad teethfit in there,fine. Keep your teeth clean,breathsmellingsweetat all times. Don't be looking goodthenruin a chance meetingwith Nancy you Nicetitsbecause havehalitosisor food stuckbetween your chompers. GLASSES If you can wear contacts rid of your glasses. get Consider some of the tinted ones. Don't try to be a Paul Newman look-alike.Anythingevenslightly phonyputs her on guard. If you canseefairly well withoutglasses, wearthemaslittle aspossible. Squinting see across roomis notattractive, to her the however. Trendy glasses always wrong, &s is anything trendy. are Glasses look old fashioned alwayswrong, &sis everythat are thing old fashioned.Old fashioned her is five years ago. to Lensesthat changedarkness with the lighting conditionsare simplydorky.

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HOW TO DATE YOUNGWOMEN

Vfearingbifocalsor trifocalsis like rolling over to her in a wheelchair with a shawlon and saying,"That dimple on your to If sensational.' you needglasses read, left kneeis absolutely get somethat don't look like readingglasses. ,includingsunglasses, a string otr Don't have any glasses, aroundyour neck.Only old menor DiscoDicksdo. Don't push your glasses on your forehead, up only old mendo. Don't push Assholes yoursunglasses ontopof yourhead, onlyWestwood up andDisco Dicks do. whenyou'rehappy in Go to a placespecializing fitting glasses on your prescription. for Ask the salesperson advicebased with the shapeof your face and try on several varieties of the style and frame. Then, try on everyother shape, recommended color in the place. Look in the mirror. Ask the salesperson's different stylesandsee opinion. If you can't decidebuy several which get the best reactionsduring the next few weeks. Get in readingglasses the samestyles.Pick out someframesfor whenyou're there.You may look better prescription sunglasses in "shades"of a differentshape.Experiment. distrustyou, thinking Females Never wearmirrored lenses. you're staringwhile hiding. If you like to girl watch,just do it. It rurns many on if you aren't blatantlycrotch gazing. clean.It turnsheroffto look into your eyes Keepyour glasses are. only to noticehow grubbyyour glasses ELSE EV]ERYTIIING In A suntanis a solid "fair advantage." wintergo to a tanning there.The rest who arealways salonbut avoidtheplasticpeople of the year get your assoutsideas often as possibleor, if you That'swhat whenpossible. live in theSunBelt,eatlunchoutside I do. Neatly trimmed, clean finger nails are mandatory. Her boyfriend's are always dirty from working on his cool car. Young womennoticeeverything.You're so different, they're alwayscheckingyou out, comparingyou to a young man. *like anold rnan's." l,ouiseoncetold me thatmy toeslooked My routine of trimming them every Sundaybefore a 10 K had beendisruptedfor a coupleof monthswhile I let a sprainheal. cologneall the time. I havea bottle Buy and use expensive in my cil, anotherin my office desk.

LookingGood

6T

TIIIS LOOK IS OI{LY TEMPORARY Most of my advicehelpsyou preventher from having the physiologicalreaction mentioned.The look and principles described therecommended in booksaid in attracting largest the numberof females under25 but it hasa wonderfulsideeffect, it attractsfar more over 25, making the upcomingadvice in WomenFirst mucheasier follow. to you must express Eventually, your individualtastes and the personyou arewith your clothes overallappearance. and Your goal is to find and datea youngwomanwho likes you as you are, not the you dressed the book. by Youngwomenpreferan older lover who wearsa uniform of sorts- GQ model,tennis bum, cowboy,machocop, business man, professor, movie producer,trucker, agingrock star, or whomeveryou are or want to become.I'm a kicked-back Hawaii-to-mainland transplant whennot in the office. At work, I'm a semi-traditional business man with a soft edge. Gradually begin modifying the prescribed look to one your personality. expressing Staywithin my boundsand those in the two suggested booksfor at leastsix months a year at , yo'sef. most.Then, 'spress While you're slimming down, dresswell and always look good. At the sametime you can begin to developThe Right Attitude.

END OF CAREER INTERVIEWER

Thq called you Mr. Clutch. Seconh lefr, behindby one, you wantedthe ball. Yearafier year you madethosepressurecooker gamewinners.How'd you do it?
WEST JERRY

I tried to rememberit's just a game.

The Right Attitude

evenif you Without the right attitudeyouwon't getanywhere are slim and trim, looking good, living in the right complex, driving a beigeJag, listeningto her music, working in a new company,partyingwith youngfriendsanddating32 yearolds. Young women are attractedto a man who won't kiss ass. They are stronglydrawn by indifference,feignedor real. She will date you, an older man, only if you're friendly, aloof, relaxed,powerful and confident. Your unspoken attitudeis: "I amthe catchhere,not you. I'm you. SureI'm friendly, I'm friendly with all not goingto chase It interested. might be possible the girls. Yeah, I'm somewhat if you, younglady, playyour cardsright. Well, gottago, there's a nice young womanwaiting for me. Catch you later. By the way, you're not bad.' "Goingout with me is natural.I'm Later,it's still unspoken: to attracted you, you're attracted me. You havea choice,a to manor lots of boys.Well, gottago, there'sa niceyoungwoman waitingfor me. ShelikeswhatI do with her. You will too, when you grow up." it's: And evenlater,still unspoken, "If nottonight,ro biggie, we will. I'm in no hurry. Let's watchtv for awhile." it's: "No. I haveplanstonight.Look, I've Finally, spoken, comingover withoutcalling saidthis before.I don't like anyone don't do it again,okay.What?Sure,I'll call you." first. Please

The Right Anitude

69

MR. CLUTCH'S ATTITT]DE You're old enough to remember Jerry West. If you ever caught one of his interviews you saw The Right Attitude I'm describing. He was friendly, relaxed and slow. He was not impressed with himself or his ability. To him it was merely a fact, simply the truth, he was the best ever. To unseeing eyes he seemed humble, he wasn't. He was confident, genuinely confident. But notice in his quote above, "tried. " He knew, and accepted,that once in a while he didn't have The Right Attitude. Neither do I and neither will you. Even if talking with a young women is 'Just a game" too, it feels like life or death the first, oh, two or three hundred times. TWO KINDS OF ADVICE I don't offer uselessadvice like "Don't be afraid." Selling books with idiotic counsel like that is fraud, at a minimum. There's no hidden button you can push and become unafraid. Of course you're scared, it's all new, the rules are unknown. You might get laughed at or even slapped. When first meeting and talking with a young woman I'm always nervous. Opportunity without danger is only a pushover. I am not completely confident now and never expect to be. I'm preaching reality. You'll never ". . . pick up girls. By the truckloads," neither will Weber or any cretin who tries one of his 100 best opening lines. My advice is simply to tell you what the right attitude is, then explain how you begin developing it. You'll never get there, sincedevelopmentis an ongoing never-endingprocess.You only get better, never perfect. STEP OI\"E - FEELING LIKE AI\ EQUAL Developing the right attitude begins with the belief and the inner feeling you're the equal of young people. If you think your age makes you better, you won't get anywhere. If you feel inferior to youth, you will be. When you doubt your equality she will pick up those vibrations and turn you down. Achtung! You vil follow orders as given in "Young Friends." Being around youth day and night lets you see,feel andbelieve, they're not much different, you've just had more birthday parties.

70

HOW TO DATE YOUNGWOMEN

MY EIRST STEP.Long ago and far away in anotherlife I decidedto go after some "young stuff." I wits forty pounds overweight,couldn't run aroundthe block, had a corneroffice and wore sideburns mustache, in with ulcer, dressed polyester, " to DeVille, lived "in theheights, listened dentist drovea Sedan office musakand was unhappilymarried. old I felt old, acted old, thought andwasold, in spirit. In fact, I was 32 going on 52. I felt inferior to youth. They had, both I'd magical,something lost half something malesand females, and it my life ago.I wanted back.Deeplyfearing['d be rejected laughedat, I had to force myself. I beganat work, going out of my way to say hello and be under35. EventuallyI madefriendswith friendly with anyone me Within weekssheintroduced to a 20 year old receptionist. many other youngpeople. Six monthslater I was running 10 k's with some "dudes" from work. A monthlater,I wasdrinkingbeerwith themat their partieswhereI met and talkedwith females16 to 25. afraidto try. But just by talking with I didn't get anywhere, to theseyoung womenI grew accustomed youth and was able presence. few monthsI realizedthey After a to relax in their were they ever superior weren't superiorto me but my Jesus, to older females. and A few monthslater I was able to approach havesecret, youngwomenat the office. As you puresexaffairswith several I know by now they werewith me because wasmarried, not in someway, you spiteof it. But at leastI got started.Somehow, haveto get started,then endup feelinglike an equal,too. STEP TWO _ SLOW AI\D EASY I'm neverrock solid confidentevenafter all theseyearsin either, confident You're nevergoingto be completely the arena. peoplearenot in a hurry, not so work on beingslow. Confident Movingslowlyandtalkingslowly pushy,notnervous excited. or First impressions of at leastgivesthe appearance confidence. Takeyour time. are lastingimpressions. Waiting to talk to her is not what I meanby takingyour time. If you go into her work andshe'sbusy, conductyour business elseand leave.You're confident.If not today, with someone tomorrow. If not her, then Stacyor Gina.

The Right Attitude

7I

STEP THREE - CATCH22 It's just like trying to get your first realjob, not the one as a box boy. "Have you everbeenan Assistant Manag You et? haven't.Sorry, we're only hiring experienced personnel.', Here's the circular trap whentrying to dateyoungwomen. Success comes onlyfrombeing relaxed confident. and Relaxation comes only from confidence.Confidencecomes only from success. The campaign gain self assurance done slowly. It is a to is two pronged attack. You arerelearning datingskillsandbuilding confidence yourselfasa man.There'sonly oneway to learn, in by doing. Therefore, you muststartout pretending be confident,so to you can be successful, then you can relax because you're confident. You create the required, self sustainingloop of success-cottfidence-relaxation by: AchUnglYou vil do asordered in womenFirst.A preview.After you'vebeendatingMaggie, 34, for a few months you'll havethe confidence needed start to courting Darlene,28, night manager the restaurant at you've beengoingto for threemonths.Five months later, whenyou're dating Darlene,start working on Jean,the 23 year old at the bankandKathy,'22,over in Payroll. You canonly climb backdownonerungat atime.You begin with women, gradually workingyourwaydownto Z}year olds. If you're a real masochist keepgoing down until you're you happyyou canattract18 year olds. A good fight manager builds his youngboxer's experience slowly, neverovermatching him, not giving him pushovers. He doesn't wanthis boy to takea whuppin'andlosehis confidence. He doesn'twant him to havefalseconfidence, either. Build your confidence, don't crushit. Think aboutit. plan it. Schedule Don't be in a hurry, neitherRomenor Roberta it. weremadein a day. If youhaveanunrealistic hidden or motivedrivingyourdesire for youngwomenyou will neverdevelopthe right attitude. STEP FOI]R _ GOTTA KNOW WIMN TO FOLD'EM Much of the right attitudeis your willingness walk away to from her. You mustdo it, notjust imply it. In fact, this hasto be your attitudethe entiretime you're in the relationship with

WOMEN HOWTODATEYOUNG

she'll climb into the driver's seat.(Much, much her otherwise more later. SeeWho'sIn ChargeHere?) I hadbeenworking on Marilyn for a coupleof months.She and was stronglyinterested showedit by touchingme often as we talkedand "accidentally"bumpingme with her delightful, a tiny tits. I suggested drink after work. Shebrought a teddy bear, Stephanie. anotherdate.Shedidn't show. The next week we arranged Shestill with a weak excuse. A few dayslater sheapologized smiled and touchedme a lot with severalbody parts. I only waited. brunch.I told her I was me After a weeksheasked to Sunday tnrth. The Raiderswere on at ten, the busy, which was the othertime. GottagO." Cowboysat one. "MaybesOme I Don't be anxiousor too interested. probablywould have if I had not beendatingTina, then it would not goneto brunch haveturnedout as it did. Two weekslater Marilyn askedto come over to my place the "just for onedrink." Two dayslatershespent night. Folding" Nothing elseever works. your handworks sometimes. STEP FIVE - IJT{DERSTAI\DING TIIE COMPETITORS Having the right attitudemeansyou know who and what you You don't overestimate, don't underestiyou'reup against. the mate.You understand realities,then and acceptor decline the challenge. LEftOVCTS BOYFRIENDSAS COMPETITORS.RemembEr man.Knowledge against andStringAlongs.With themit's boy Fearnot. Your and ineptitude ignorance. versus andexperience lack of hair and slow reloading time mean nothing. Both Leftoversand StringAlongs are eitherstudsor dudsor shits. fimmy Stadty.After a year she's only a sourceof steady his in pussy.He'sjust interested shooting loadandgettingback with Studly'sconcerned whatthey to his four wheelin'buddies. just a girl, a "man." he "proves"to himselfhe's'Wouldn'tShe's think as he be surprised? "men?" what would sheknow about Jirnmy Dudly. The niceyoungman.He's wantsto marry her him, He's loving andcaringbut shedominates andhavebabies. him. He's her safetynet. She him anddoesn'trespect controls one. She'll him only as a 'nfersure" datewhensheneeds sees

The Right Attitude

lie andusehim all the time. But whenhe getstired of it, meets someone andquits,she'llgo afterhim with everything new she's got, with no time for you. Don't makean assout of yourself,
movg oll.

Jimmy ShW. There'sonemore kind of boyfriend,the guy who treatsher like dog shit. He keepsher under his thumb, beggingfor morewhile he doesexactlyashe pleases with other girls andwith his buddies. This guy's easyto cut in on but it's impossible keep to dancingwith her. After a monthyou'll be so glad to hear her proudly announce, "I've absolutely, finally broken it off with Shitly." In a coupleof daysShitly will be a little drunk and secretly want a blow job. He'll call her at two in the mornitrg,crying, promising to change. She'll rush to him and drain him completely, happyto rewardhim for finally becoming man the shewantedall along. Two dayslater, at a party whereothers will notice, he'll bang Debbie, her best friend. Crushed, disbelieving, she'll comebackto you, until he calls, again. When Shitly's in the picture, change channels. MF. Rite. The youngwomanwithout a boyfriendwill drop you like a rock for Mr. Rite. You haveno chance him. against you don't, marriableandmarriable.Once He hastwo qualities shemeetshim you're history. Don't behave like a dick. You knew the score. Young Husbands.Avoid married young femaleslike you 'When avoidthe girl who says,"[t's only a cold sore. " he finds out he will be humiliatedand enraged beyondher cheating far with just another boy. The younghusband knowshe, himself, is just anotherboy. He can't competewith you, thus must eliminateyou (kill your ass,in plain English)or her, or both of you! STEP SIX _ ACCEPTING YOT]R FAIR ADVAhITAGE Be realistic,you havethe edgeoverall boysandyoungmen. You havefar more experience life, sex,money,travel and with females. You haveacquired some class with your age.You reek with naturalpower and don't haveto be a braggart. putsyou in adifferentleague. Moneyalone Expensive cologne smells ten times better than his Brut. You can go to fine

HOW TO DATE YOUNGWOMEN

restaurants night, notjust afterthe SpringFormal.The two any you canspend night at a luxury hotel,right on the water, the of just for the fun of it. Moneymakes possible travelwith her to it to faraway placeswith strangesoundingnirmeslike Hawaii, Tahoeor Las Vegas. Let's take cologneas an example.Young women,ilo, any female over 17 has a keen senseof smell, enablingher to Onceshe"picks recognize appreciate betterfragrances. and the up your scent" she's instantly aware you're different and right outof thechute? something special. How's thatfor anedge Don't leave home without it! Not even to run down to the market. But you know all this. I want you to feel confidentbecause guaran-god-damn-tee you'll needit in abundance. I you're a gentleman. light her Thebestandbiggest edge, You cigarette, openher catdoor, hold her chair,orderfor her, wait until shelifts her fork andall othermanners discarded most by men,including for awhile,at thedemand "strong" women me of in the 70's. You register a hotelwith her at your sidewithoutbecoming at arxiouslike Jimmydoes.That'sa first classhotel, of course. You don't lectureher on why sheshouldhavetakenher car to the gasstationinstead to the dealer,&she doesto provehe's of so smart. You don't grab her tit in public and laughaboutit. You know how to listen and empathize when sheneedsto get something her chest.You're different.More later. off You are perceived her as powerful, not physically,but by powerfulin dealingwith life, with her, with anything.Females of all ages attracted power.As oneHankKissinger are by called "the ultimateaphrodisiac." it, Don't brag.Don't put downthe competition. men Confident don't haveto. Your clothes makeit easyfor her to quickly noticeyou and then realize she's looking at an exceptionalmale. They immediately recognize, admireand areattracted to appreciate, a well dressed man. Make certainyou're alwayswell dressed. Ensureyou havethis particular"fair advantage" Phase in One Two. and Phase

TheRightAnitude

75

ON NOT BEING TOO I{ICE This is not the seventh step.Not beingtoo nice is a mandatorY, all inclusive dictate you must follow to have the right attitude. Shewantsyou to treat her nicely, fairly and with respect. What you considernice, fair and respectfulis not what she exp'ects. Why?Because your younglover is anindividualhuman beingwith her own storyto tell, her own personal goals,values and morals,just like you. Shehas a uniquehistory of bad and goodtimeswith males,beginning with Daddy. I love beingnice. It is my natureto be nice to anyone like I and evenmore so, to youngwomenI enjoy. By "nice" I mean considerate, polite, open, vulnerable, giving, attentive, appreciative,wann, accepting, gentle, demonstrativeand expressive with my affectiotr,and such. Treatmemean, treatmecntelbut ,rrr#rrr; During theearlyaftermath my divorceI foundwomenover of 30 to be unappreciative, evenoffendedby my tendencyin this area. I hopefully expected youngerfemalesto appreciate my niceness. was shocked disappointed. I and Nearly all find this behaviorunacceptable any male. Therehavebeena couple in of wonderfulexceptions eventhoseyoungwomenresisted but beingtreatedwell at first. wHY IT'S NOT IMPORTAI{T. Meeting someonenice disorients I don't knowif shethinls it's too goodto betrue. her. I do know many young women saw me as a wimp or pussy-whippable lost respect,as well as interest,quickly. and How do I know? Because got tired of striking out and asked I in simpleEnglish,"What did I do wrong?"Goodold feedback. Thereare two possibilities. poorly One, she'sbeentreated for so long by Daddy and her boyfriends,it seemsnormal, manly.Two, she'shadher asskissed long she'stired of it. so Jimmyadores her. Daddyspoilsher. Shewantsyou to "act like a man." Who knows?Who cares? Nice doesnot work. ONLY COMMODBS ACCOMMODATE.Beingaccommodating is absolutely kiss of death.You know, adjustingyour the schedule hersor evensomething unimportantas yielding to as to her choicefor Chinese over Mexican. "Commode"sounds

HOW TO DATE YOUNGWOMEN

to technique " like "accommodate.tlse this memoryassociation preventyour affair from endingup in the shitter. Just Don't Do It. In the beginningit was so delightful to finally be aroundthem, talking and flirting but not yet dating. Even I was so happy I'd be nice as well as accommodating. not thoughI'd learned to, thehardway, with wometr,I returned to my naturalways.WRONG! your nicetreatment of Eventually,shemay be ableto accept and phonecallsjust to talk, flowers, back rubs, presents her, so forth. But early on shewill simplydrop you. She Part of her motivefor talking with you is the challenge. her wantsto seeif shecanget you. Don't disappoint by being I of It no contest. goesalongwith the concept aloofness preach. It stimulates them. I enjoy stimulatingthem in every possible manner. I resistmy strongdesireto be niceuntil we've datedat least four or five times.After that, I'm only onetenthas niceas I'd like to be. Oncein awhileI still losecontrolif she'smy cup of tea. Of courseshebacksoff. ThenI haveto go out of my way to be indifferent,evenmean,followedby daysof being "too busy" attemptingto get things back to the way they were, enjoyable. your it because works.Sometimes doesn't Oftenthis maneuver She niceness damaged relationship the forever.Translation: lost marriageit is not respectfor you. I learnedfrom my second productivefor eithermyself or the horse,to beata deadone. Chalk it up, moveon. REAL WORLD LESSON - ROI]hID Oh[E six Mary was25,beautiful, bright,extroverted, feettall, with We an assthatmademe cry. A solid9.65 on my scale. worked I at the samecompany. hadmy eyeson her nearthe endof my marriagebut during thosefinal monthsI had no energy or capabilityto go after her. I did talk casuallywith her as often obliquely. my indicating interest as possible, I together, wentfor After my divorce,whenI wassemi-back she sheconfessed had beeninterested her. On the second date in me for a long time but knew I was married, so controlled herself, sayingshehad beenburnedby a married lover once way, thensaid, lookedat me in anunusual before.Shepaused,

TheRightAttitude

77

"And besides, was living with my boyfriend,' pause,beat, I beat, look of hopeful approval,*and I still do.' oNow?' I blurted, finding it incongruous single people *fooled around" like marriedones.Jesus, \ilasI naive! She quickly explained she wanted to go out with me but wantedto be honestabouther situation.Okay, no problem. I was accommodating the max. We went out on her schedule, to where she wanted, when she wanted,cost was no object, &d nauseam. On the fifttt and final dateof round one she said she didn't want to seeme any more, offering shedidn't enjoy beingwith me because madeher so neryous.*Oloy," what else could I personmutter, right? an accommodating ROUND TWO. Eight monthslater I had changed companies and finally gottenthe message to be nice after receivingit not severalmore times from other young women. Shelet a friend of mine know shewas living aloneand wantedto seeme. We went out. I related this9.65like shewasa 6.0, moderately to interestd, somewhataloof but pleasant.After two lunch datesshe was standingin my kitchenwith her blouseunbuttoned, lipstick her smeared over both our faces,working on her third Margarita and rubbingher crotch against thigh while I caressed my those magnificentbuns. I took her handand startedfor the bedroom.Sheheld back, "I have to tell you something."Being aloof and indifferentI said, "You're a virgin andyou wantme to be gentle?' No, that wasn't it. Shehadherpes right now it wasn'tactive.I said, but *Okay," and startedfor the bedroom.Sheresisted, down. sat told ffie, awlavardly,it's wasn'tjust herpes She holdingher back. Shealso had venereal warts, a vaginalinfectionand she might be pregnant,"I thoughtyou'd want to know, first. " I didn't scream,"No Shit, Sherlock!' like I wanted but stayed to in the living room andtactfully inquiredwho had caused her all problems. The live-in boyfriend wits responsible the herpes and for warts.Her marriedlover for thesuspected pregnancy. (Yes,the marriedlover shehadbeenburnedby before.)I didn't inquire aboutthe infectiotr,gotus another drink andwondered how long

HOW TO DATE YOUNGWOMEN

she'd hang around. She got the hint and split twenty minutes later. You can seewhy Mary didn't have the slightest idea what to do with someone treating her nice. Mary is not typical. She represents, in the extreme, just how rotten some of them are treated. Either she was used to it and considered it normal or she didn't have enough self respectto insist on being dealt with like a human being. I never bothered finding out. Okay. You know what the right attitude is. You know everything elseneededto court her exceptwhy it's WomenFirst.

Eighth, and lastly, they are so grateful.

BEN FRANKLIN

WomenFirst
your courtshipskills are corrodedand useless I've assumed afterten or twentyyearsof marriage.(If you easilydate27 year olds skip this section.) A relured, confident manner is mandatoryto date young women. Catch 22, again. Reluration comesfrom confidence which comes from repeatedsuccess.Nothing succeedslike success not an emptyphrase. is Relearnsocial skills and build your confidence courting by you havea good chance being successful only thosefemales of with. If you insist on beginningwith young'women or not spendingenoughtime masteringthe fundamentals, you'll get a good whuppin'. Be a good fight manager-promoter, don't overmatchyourself, youngeris harder. Sure, at your LEe,it's humiliating, frustrating,expensive, corny,lonely,painful,et al. But relearn must,if you're ever you going date that 22 year old, red headedreceptionistat your dentist'soffice. You know, Ginny, thefriendly onewith thebig white teeth,big greeneyes,big soft tits andbig roundass. WOMEN DEFINED Womenare over 30, divorcedor living apartfrom a former live-in lover and have supportedthemselves five years. for Women are realistic about money, time and sex, as well as what's possiblewith you. They know who they are. They're

HOW TO DATE YOUNGWOMEN

as of with and accepting themselves human more comfortable mattersand beings.They worry far lessaboutinconsequential on keepa long rangeperspective life. They permit themselves to be different, resistingtrendsand fads. similar to A womanlooks at the world and seessomething what you and I see.Sheis not cynicalbut she'snot brimming with optimismandhopeas a youngwomanis. Shehaspicked out her nicheor is working on it. START WITH WOMBN You can't go directlyfrom high schoolto DodgerStadium. You haveto pay your duesin the minors.But don't wait until you're setting bushleague fire batting.473.Whenyou're the on ableto partially functionin the next lower agebracket,move. You can't play, let alonescore,in the majorsuntil you can hit big league balls.But you can't evengetwoodon a high fast hard oneuntil you've stoodin the batter'sbox andseen,again and again,the heaters, well as the junk, not to mentionthe as curvesthrown by youngerwomen. You'll get suckeredby those curves and kiss the dirt, afteryou'vebeenbeaned coupleof times.But hey, a especially Reggie's beenhit, Carewwas brushed back, Rosegot fooled screwgee. ups wavedat Fernando's by change andeveryone's is Not manybat over .250. My average only .190 evenafter I've learned patiently to wait for my kind of pitch. Translation: interest. Muchmorein CourtHer andMeetHer. until sheshows When there's Beginningwith womenreduces pressure. the less at stakeyou're relaxed,you functionbetter, so you're Catch22 defeated. successful. by to It's easy meetwomen.You're surrounded themat work givingyou afarwiderselection. andwithinyourexisting circles, third and If you don't do well with the first, thereare second, waiting in the wings. forth choices WOMBN YOU'LL DATE. You will meet four types of women,all divorced.I doubtyou'll meeta womanwho never married,I didn't. The Ex-Housewife.After yearsof being only a housewife singlestatuswhen it and mothershehasa hard time accepting comes.Shedoesn'tknow much aboutthe real world and how of to survive.She'sfrightened the futureanddoubtsher ability facingher. to handlethe problemsand responsibilities

Women First

BI

She'sbitter aboutthedivorceaswell asaboutlife andresents men. In spite of this, she wantsanotherhusbandas soon as possible, she'swilling to daterecentlydivorcedmen. so This woman,evenif she'sbeenon her own for a coupleof years,is quiteyoungsociallybecause wasstuckat homefor she ten or fifteenyears.So, she'll teach you the crucialimportance of takingyour time andbeingpatient,requiredcourtshipskills for youngwomen. If recentlydivorced,she'sasuncomfortable aboutdatingas you, so she'san understanding person.Shewill help you get pastthe fear of approaching talking with a female.This is and a first step,something everyjourney requires. SinceI told you of her questfor a new husband won't you blow up when she wantsto know your plans for remarriage before the saladarrives, right? You'll just tactfully use my answers inevitable to questions, laterin thebook,thensmileand "Passthe salt,please. say, " The Swingin' Single.Sheavoided housewife the trap. She's far lessfrightened goingit aloneanddoesn'tusuallyturn out of to be a secret manhater.She'snot lookingfor another husband right away,if ever.Her agenda similarto yours.If she'sbeen is divorcedlessthantwo yearsshe'smakingup for lost time and lost youthby datingandmatingwith acceptable malesat every opportunity. This womanandher "sisters"canhelp you the mostas you easedown the age ladder because she insists on rituali zed preliminaries requiring the male be confident, casual and indifferent.Shedoesn'tmind if you pretend you musthave but that attitude.The goodnewsis the prancinganddancingphase canbe as shortas twentyminutes,after you get the hangof it. Thesewomen are nearly all shallow and defensive.They weren't that way when divorced. They changedfor self protection. You caninadvertently up a disastrous about pick idea youngerwomenfrom theseswingingsingles.You may think all single females behave believe these and people Wrong. as do. Young women are nothing like them exceptyou need to be confident. Although much of what you learn meetingand talking with themis directlyapplicable youngwomen,thisphase these to and

HOW TO DATE YOUNGWOMEN

your ego will get women will be hard on you. Occasionally smashedand your feelings brutalizd. Some of them are This is only a learningstopover cold anddishonest. unbelievably be on the way down. Don't let the overallphoniness discouragniceones.Don't spend ing, &stherearesome,a few, genuinely more thanfour monthsdatingswingin' singles.Too muchtime here will makeyou as hard, cruel and phony as they afe, then you'Il haveno chance with real females,young, or any others. OU Girls. She's an immaturefemale in an aging body, a of the who hasn'tgrasped essence therealworld. She's divorcee aboutwhen happy single life she fantasized trying to live the married. financially in This "girl's" hallmarkis irresponsibility general, at in particular.She'smovingbackin with herparent(s) age32. job for being absent often, stayingup all night too Shelost her snortingcoke. Her ex wonderswhere the money went. Sheblew half the on settlement a new wardrobe,new furniture, new stereo,new television,new refrigerator,new everything.Sheblew half of what was left going to Hawaii for a month, "l deserveda " vacation. After returning, shegot rid of the rest as the down paymentfor a red 300 Turbo ZX and the first and last, plus security deposit to move into the Singles SanctuaryLuxury Apartmentsin Marina Del Rey. were$630. Therentwas$875plusutilities.Thecarpayments Her salaryis a whoppin' $2300a month. process. They in are Thesefemales useless your re-education haveall the bad qualitiesof youngwomenandnoneof the good yourselfto getsomemoreice for your drink when ones.Excuse telling you what bad luck she'sbeenhaving. shebegins TheIndependentWomnn Womendivorcedfor a long time, includes or ex-housewives not, areself sufficient.Their agenda aboutmen enjoyinglife, period. They are muchmore selective sincethey are contentto be alone, not attemptingto makeup for anything. They are interestedonly in stable, long term and relationships judge you accordingly. divorcedlessthana coupleof years, anyone dates Sheseldom menaretroubledandtrouble. the havinglearned hardway, these to the easiest talk with but spotsbullshit at fifty yards, She's

Women First

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havingheardit all before.Shedoesn't requireaffected behavior. Sheinsistson sincerity. You can have the most fun and learn much aboutyourself datingthese women,from 45 to 30. That'safteryou're ableto go out with onemore thanthreetimes.Whenyou can, if she's closeto 30, you're readyfor the AlmostWomen. STARTING AT TIM TOP Mistakes teach.Learnfrom everyoneyou make.Eachof us learnsat a differentpaceandeachof us hasa differenttolerance for failure. Adjust your descent down the age ladder to stay slightly abovethe failure rate you can endure. Each fifth birthday puts a womaninto a different courtship group:30 to 34, 35 to 39, 40 to 45, ffid over 45.I didn't make up thesebrackets, that's the way sheseesherselfand the way societyregards her. If you'vebeendivorced a year,arenot emotional for an basket caseandlook under50, beginwith the 35 to 39 group. (Those who don't meettheserequirements haveto beginhigheron the ladder.) After a relativelyshort time, a wild assguessis six months,you canslidedownto the 30 to 34 agerangeif you've mastered basics:find-meet-talk-date. the yearoldsyou will learnhow womenwho While dating3A-34 arespiriruallyfar youngerthanyou think, behave what they and value.An added benefitis meeting makingfriendswith even and youngerpeople.Anotherwild assguess,it'll take you a year at this level beforeyou assault under30 barrier. the You canbeginwith 30 to 34 yearolds if you look under40 unlessyou are a wreck emotionally.Spenda year. You'll be doing four things at once: re-learning meeting and dating; developingthe right attitude, outlook and behavior toward femalesin general;learningfrom your mistakes;and making youngfriends. Remember, morethana few months no with Swingin'Singles in anyagebracket. You're learning howto relateto realfemales. TIIE BIG BREAKTHROUGH . ALMOST WOMEN You can meetand talk with these,next to the best, females only if you'vemadefriendswith younger people.You'll be able to datethemif, and only if, you're easilydatingwomen30 to 35.

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HOW TO DATE YOUNGWOMEN

with Althoughtheyhavemuchmoreexperience howtheworld most with their youngercounterparts, really works, compared nicer qualities of youth. Their tastesin retain many of the clothes,musicandmalesis radicallydifferentfrom women's. They relateto men more like coedsthanwomena few years older. It will be easier,later, to date22 and23 yearolds than the first 27 yearold. Don't whire, just pay your dues. quickly. marriedgetpossessive whohaveneverbeen Theones marry. Who knows,Youmay just You're only a bit too old to fall in love and nevermake it down to the next rung. The more recenther divorce, the crazierit gets. During the 30to first yearsheregresses 20 or 21, evenif approaching It's know exactly her way of makingup for a lost youth. You should how shefeels. Or THE 29 YEM OLD, A SPECIAL CASE. DiVOTCEd NCVCT to the mid-life similar upheaval married, shefacesan emotional we malesconfront. This womanis offendedby someone crisis to your ageattempting dateher. Your interestis hard evidence when she she'snot youngany longer. Don't takeit personally rudely rejectsyou. Shedoesn'thave any more againstyou as a human being than you have againstwomen over 40. You shouldknow exactlYhow shefeels. WARNING! not Want a .35'l hole in your chest?Date any separated, divorced,woman.You can get two holesin your chestif you battle.Go to her place. involvedin a custody go out with anyone Her ex's ego and dreamshavebeencrushed.He's waiting to midnight and six between seewho comesout of her apartment he is the more dangerous is. in the morning. The youngerhe *machoman" you're dead. If he's a cop, firemanor any other Do not get involved with thesewomen. LOSE A BATTLB, WIN TIIE WAR whenyoumoveinto a lower bracket If you can't getanywhere your attitude,outlook andmannerare lacking. It could be you went down the ladder too fast. or, you could simply be an to Just asshole. wanted makesureyou're payingattentioll.Move No your confidense. war wasever Re-establish backup a rung. won without a singleretreat.

WomenFirst

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But, this war is different. Since you're a man, not a boy, ffid she's only a young woman, you must have Ethics and not play by the rule Disco Dick and everyoneelse is following, "All's fair...,"

Baby, baby, don't get hookedon me.

MAC DAVIS

Ethics
Call off the battle of the sexes.Young womendon't know there'sa war goingoll. and are You're enteringa world wherethe females harmless smallcombat thin walls, minor wounds, Theyhave defenseless. scars, little animosity toward males and few manipulative oblige.[n thiscase, . Noblesse you techniques haven'tseenbefore oblige. knowledge can Any knowledge be usedfor goodor evil. You candrive or an arnbulance a getawaycar. How you use what you know your worth as a rnan. That's man, as in hu-man determines her yourselfethically.Deserve trust. Enjoyher, being.Conduct don't useher. your relationship The with her is oneof unequals. inequality conducted everything's ensuring you dictates takeresponsibility, manner. Honesty and fair ptay on your part is in an ethical mandatory,ro matterwhat shedoes. of to I'm committed honesty,tactful honesty course,in any that I humanrelationship. learned thehardway, too. Dishonesty a especially caring ruins everythingandmakesanyrelationship, hypocriticalsham,a wasteof time. Relations one, a disgusting, Serviceare the exception. with the Internal Revenue Whenyou get to Talk WithHer you will find ethicalanswers I questions. tell you there,as I tell you here, it is to inevitabte

Ethics

87

not necessary lie. It is not honorable lie and it's not to to effectiveto lie, aboutanything.Don't lie. Tn Court Her you will find out why it is not evennecessary or productiveto misleadher. But, the most importantreason is - you haveto look yourselfin the eye, in the mirror, every morning. You want to seea man, &sin hu-manbeing looking back. Besides, honesty works, nothingelsedoes. You don't haveto slapher facewith, "Hey baby,this can't last. I'm way too old to marry you." But you are absolutely honorboundto plantseeds thoughtearlyon sotheyhavetime of to sproutinto the concepts needed re-orienther if shestarts to wishingit could "lead somewhere. " SEED1. No, I don'thavea girl friend.Don't like 'em, gets just too complicated, like to havefun andenjoylife. SEED2. I propose toast.To a grandtime, for as long as a it lasts. SEED3. Yeah,I've hada couple[affairsJ. Whathappened? oh, you know, timeschange, peoplechange. gonnamake I'm anotherdrink. Want one? SEED 4. What happened with Bobbi and me? It was great for oh, 'bout sevenmonths.Shestartedacting like I was her boyfriend.We'd talkedand stuff but oh well, times change, peoplechange. Whoseturn is it? Did I movethat forty two? SEED5. My second wife?Too youngI guess, changed lot a fasterthanI did, ended wantingto havea baby. . . . silence. up . . . what? oh sure,we'd talked,had an agreement, kids [o but peoplechange you know, forget what they said. SEED6. I haveplansWednesday. How 'bout Saturday? SEED 7. I don't like it when anyonecomesover without calling. Please don't do it again.(The first time quietly, the second time loudly with four letterwords.) SEED8. where wasI all weekend? . . silence. . . What's . thematter? Well uh, it's getting, well, you're actinglike I'm uh yourboyfriend. (Thesecond delete "uh's," add"I don't time the think this is working.") SinceI've tried the impossible twice I don't let myself get too far down the road toward emotionalentanglement. You'll learn that the hard way, too.

HOW TO DATE YOUNGWOMEN

AT{ ETHICAL AFFAIR WITH IIER you takesplace.Sheteaches how to enjoy A grandsymbiosis the now, you teachher how the world really works. only a joyous way station She'snot your final destination, your roadto oblivion.You arenotherfinal destinationeither. on way stationon her road to marriage, You're only a pleasant childrenand living happilyever after. people,parents,young of Shareyour knowledge business, There to men, collegeandpracticalsolutions her life problems. time to be had by both of is a wonderfut,mutuatlyrewarding you as you help her discoverThe Joy of How Life Really Works. Part of what you bring to this party is your ability to showher whatshemay not find out for eightmoreyearswithout you. intensity, In return, she sharesher optimism, enthusiasm, of and responsiveness acceptance you as silliness,playfulness, Thereis a wonderful,mutuallyrewardingtime a humanbeing. to be had by both of you as shehelpsyou discoverThe Joy of Living, again.Partof whatshebringsto this party is her ability to showyou what you will neverfind out withouther. MIGHT MAKES RIGIIT beenthat It's get males thebestfemales. always Thestrongest way, it is that way and it will alwaysbe that way. was Stronger-older-male younger-best-female goingon 50 goes on openly in all It million years before Neanderthal. openlyinour middle somewhat relatives, of societies ourprimate It society. will be goingon eons and class blatantlyin our highest shit. Live now but play fair. after you are recycledas worm VIRGINS ARE ONLY FOR BOTT'RIENDS Somewit oncesaid, "I don't seewhy malnutritionisn't a is." virftrewhenchastitY A virgin doesn't get the joke. She has values and beliefs radicallydifferentfrom yoursandthus,is incompatiblewithYou, at a minimum. Shebelieveswith all her heart shehas a gift of equallyvaluablein somethmg worth andexpects immeasurable return, like marriage. or religioustrpbringing a lack of a Virginity indicates severe or sensuality plenty of neurosis,usually all three. A young you must only feel sorry for. woman in this stateis someone

Her spirit andmind aredistorted,her values,beliefsandgoals are in direct contradiction with nature.Sheis abnormal. Sheis five yearsaway from being capable an affair with of a man. That's right, five years away from being capableof learning, understanding and enjoying an older lover without beingscarred damaged. arenotto "help" her. Shemust and You find her way backto reality withoutyou. Sheneeds boyfriend, a a real boyfriend,not a man, to help her work this out. If you'd evenconsider deflowering youngwoman,ffi&yyour a nuts fall off, tonight. BIRTH CONTROL The year you read this book twelve percentof unmarried femalesunder 2L will get knockedup. They all know about contraceptives few of theyounger but onesuseffiy, feelinglike they're committing premeditated fornication.The onesslightly older hopethe boy will protectthem. Strangely enough,even intelligentonesplay Vatican Roulette,preferring the rhythm methodto blatantresponsibility, like the pill. You are responsiblefor not impregnatingher. You are responsible determining she'son thepill or if she'slying. for if You areresponsible diplomatically for bringingup the subject at anappropriate time,notthreeseconds penetration. before You are responsiblefor being prepared,vasectoffiy,spennicide suppositories, foam or condorns. You areresponsible everything.She'sa youngwoman, for you ate a man. Remember that as you Coun Her.

Thereare two phasesof a relationship. PhaseOne is everythingbeforepenetration. PhaseTwo li everythingafier.

UNKNOWN WISE PERSON

Court Her
in by Courtshipis practiced all species which the male is a and that supplicant, is, thefemaledoesnot instinctively actively has Eachspecies a ritual thatmustbe followed seekcopulation. carefully for the male to be permittedto mount and penetrate. and of Theritualsall involvedisplays dominance aggressiveness on and on the part of the male, reluctance submissiveness the part of the female. an Adult gorillastakefive hoursto complete intricatedance four hourslonger than and of gestures branchwaving. Thatos single'sritualsof: Lying About the to it takes conduct Westwood Your Blvf\il lvith Alpine What You Do For MGM, Mentioning Stereo,FlashingYour Gold AmericanExpressCard, Talking All About How Boring AspenWas, Ad Nausealn. that, just to get herpes. AGGRESSIVE MALES Femalesof atl speciesexcept one, refuse to mate with Luckily is males.The exception homo sapiens. non-aggressive past30. limitedto neurotic,ball busters is the aberration mostly You will get nowhere with young women if you are not to They havenot lived long enough becomec/:ary aggressive. male.They haveonly limited courting to seeka passive enough of and experience no knowledge how or whentobetheaggressor the been submissive or evenhow to be anequal.They'vealways to when attracted the shy boy at one excepton rare occasions

CounHer

9I

school. And then they were only aggressive enoughto start a conversation two until he got the idea,thenthey satbackand or let the "rnan" be in charge,"the way it's supposed be." to TOO OLD TO MARRY IrER, NOW WIrAT? The young woman you've chosenhas what thousandsof competing malesfrom 15 to 80 want. What will convinceher to give it to you when sheknow's there are no weddingbells in your future?The answerhastwo parts. Part One: Shemust think havingan affair with you is her idea.Part Two: Shemust haveat leastthefantasy possibilityof a romance with you before shewill havean affair. You must be aggressive get thingsunderway.Then you to haveto slow downandcourther. Justbe your silly old self and havefun with her until shediscovers would be wonderfulto it havean affair with you. Part One solved. Young women do not see intercourseas the purpose of courtship.Their ultimatedestination the altar. To solvePart is Two, you just don't burst her bubble.During the early stages of courtshipyou must not s&y, "I'm never getting married again, you darenot showobviousinterestin otherfemales " and you cannotbe smoothand experienced. In her headandheartsheknowsthe realisticchances a life of long romancewith you are slim. Don't lie, cheat, steal or manipulate. Whenshe'sreadyto havean affair, shewill create "thefantasy possibility"soshecanrationalizeand proceed. Keep this in mind as you readfrom hereto the end of the book. See how everythingis designed let, not make,thesetwo things to happen. COI]RTSIIIP BY COIWERSATIONS We humansconductcourtshipby talking. The complexbut mandatory,ritualistic displaysof dominance and submission, aggression,reluctanceand reassurance take place during all conversation.Although the words you and she choose are important,evencritical, mostcommunicating donewith facial is expression, toneof voice,postureandthe mannerof touching. Buy, don't borrow, its manybookson body language you as can find. Readthem thoroughly.Studywomen,young women andgirls engaged conversation in with a maleof any age.Don't listen to the words, watch both people. Begin to notice the

92

WOMEN YOUNG HOW DATE TO

book is BodyLangunge of exchange signals.The most famous by Fast, It's by a writer who interviewedexperts and then presented disguisedopinions as fact. Ever heard of that his before?It's okay as a first whackbut lame. Used book storeshave them. It's worth $100 to get the non-verbal languageof courtship down pat. Watch females until you're ableto instinctively anywhere talking everywhere, in tell when she'sinterested the male she'stalking with. her, A MINI-SCENARIO. You approach an actof aggression. You She smiles, an act of reassurance. smile back, an act of In aggressive. response, You reassurance. sayor do something or aggressive reassuring. submissive, something or does shesays The ball's in your court. and it If she'saggressive maybe a testof your courage worth you or shemight be frightenedandneedto be reassured intend no harm,thenagain,shemaywantyou to dropdead.Reluctance Readon. How much?Depends. requiresmore aggression. It's with aggression. been don't respond If she'ssubmissive at established, leastfor the moment,you're the dominantorle. her Showher thatyou won't hurt or embarrass by beingbriefly Then be a submissive, smile, a bit of boyish awkwardness. If aggressive. shereassured You,do the same. Depends.On what? Your ability to How aggressive? as determinewhat's neededfor acceptance dominantwithout her chasing away.How long will it taketo learnthat?Depends. How goodyou are,right now,with women.Of course On what? others by off you'll haveto scare a few andgetdismissed several passive beforeyou figureoutwhatnotto do. About for beingtoo fifty of eachwill do it! WIIERE SIM'S COMING FROM her When approached, fearsare the sameas any female's. or Shedoesn'twant to be attacked groped.Onceher primary concernis satisfied,she's afraid of the samethings you are: She duringcourtship. hasher or beingused,humiliated rejected just asyou do. Shecan'trespond directlyto your advances pride, without risking rejectionby you. her Sheknowsshecanattractboysbut doubts ability to attract a man. You may be the first man, exceptfor obviousdirty old in men, to showinterest her andshe'snot sureit's real. She's

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93

in unfamiliarterritory. The rulesof courtship sheknowsthem as may not apply. You couldjust be flirting with her. If shecomes back with openness receptivity you might laugh at her for and taking you seriously. She cannotresponddirectly until she's feeling more confidentin her ability to handleyou. Her deferues up. She'sextremelynervousand will talce are flight, physicallyor emotionally,if sheexperiences of this any astoo dangerous. This asanencounter with afar morepowerful malethanshe'susedto dealing with. She'sunsure her ability of to manipulate you. Will the ploys sheuseswith boys work on a man? She's doesn'tknow what she must do to avoid being dismissed as unworthy, thinking she's way overmatched. Appreciatehow powerless feels. she There's a thin line betweenbeing a powerful male and too powerful for her. The lessconfidence has, the lesspower she you show while remainingpowerful. To understand emotional her stateevenmore clearly, rcalize shethinksyour ageand experience enable to charmher will you pants off before she wantsthem off. Add the elementof self judgment. Shemay find herselfguilty of perversionfor being interested someone enoughto be her father. in old Directingandcontrollingher desirefor you is aneverpresent fear of the consequences. you, the worst that can happen For is your friendsandthe restof society,excludingyour company, will clucktheirtongues, smirkandsaysomething like, "ol; Don Boy's trying to provehe's still got it. " She'sthe onewho will be chastised, ostracized, critici zedoranyother"sized' you care to name. The younger, the more concerned is aboutnot looking she pervertedby showinginterestin front of her peers. Shemust maintain her image, whatevershe thinl$ it is, when they're around. fuid now, thegoodnews.Shelovesthenoveltyandexcitement of flirting andbeingthe objectof a man'sattention. you don't If scareher awayshewantsmore, more, more. RELUCTAIYCE, RESISTAI\CE AI\[D TESTS Young womendon't respector like you if you take any of their shit. They seeit as a sign of weakness an indication and they alreadyhaveyou by the balls,just like their boyfriends.

HOW TO DATE YOUNGWOMEN

Shewantsto know, "Is this guy a real man, or what?nShe has to convinceherself you're worth it. You must passher "entrance"exams.Thesebegin when she pretends to be not interested. She'stestingyour sincerity.If you persist,mildly, she'sconvinced. thesitme In conversation thenext,sherejects or you gently, seeinghow you'll handleit. If you get angry she figuresshe'salreadygot you, the end.You alsofail whenyou act hurt, like a little baby boy. You haveto reactlike a man, the one describedin The Right Attitude. She doesn't want anotherboy, shewantsa man, evenif it is scary. you don't gain entrance, Whenyou fail her entrance exams, to her. It's necessary showinterest not too much,certainlynot to but to the point of giving her control. You have to maintainthe appearance aloofness, of to she'llgetaround you when otherwise she'sdonewith everyone who doesn'tchase her. you stronglyis her way of avoidinga situation Rejecting she can't handleor you cameon too strong.Then again,shemay of thinkyou're a dick. It happens. Keepmy battingaverage .190 in mind. PRESSI]RE OR PBRSISTENCE If shefeelspressured will dig in her heelsand you will she be far worseoff thanif you'd just waiteduntil you "accidentally" crossed path again.Determineif you're doing it right her by checkingyour inner state.If you feel like you'll die if you don't get to go out with her, you're doing it wrong. You mustreally feel, believeandknow with all you're heart and soul you can do just fine withouther. That, my friend, is achieve andonly if, you learnfrom if, the stateyou'll eventually your mistakes. timesyou'll realizelife After ruining it enough goes on no matter which one turns you down. True enough, you'll feel like dog shit. It passes. up Later, when you've screwed enoughtimes, a light will your head.You'll seeyoungwomencancomeand comeon in Achieving go without it killing you or makinglife a paradise. for this statewasa five yearprocess me. It still slipsaway,now or and then. Don't panic in your second third year.

Court Her

LESSONS IN PERSISTENCE AI\D MORE. I met Kim, a sharp looking, slightly chubby (my favorite) six-footblondwhenshew:rssittingwith a wonuurfriend of mine at a local restaurant. joined themfor a leisurelydinner. Good, I goodvibrations. My friend went to the rest room getting readyto go home. I took the opporftrnityto suggest lunch to Kim, askedfor her numberandofferedmy card. Shesaidshe'dcall me if it seemed like a goodideawhen shewasn't so tipsy. I was stunned. She wils at least 23, old enoughto have been here severaltimes before. Shedidn't call. I told my friendwhathappened, "Don' know, said she liked you, isn't dating anyone. I gaveher my card, " and askedher to give it to Kim and say I wantedto hear from her. Friday night Kim called. We chattedand madea datefor Sunday brunch.I askedwhy shedid not call before, "I had to be sureyou really wantedto go out with me. You did.' During brunch it was obvious we were not on the same wavelength. quote directly, "I'm tired of gettmgscrewed To her andlied to. I want to dateoneguy who only wantsto dateme." Translation: "f'm 26, going on 27. Desperate,gotta get married." I broughtthis on with, "I like to getto know someone slowly.' Lessonone: Persistence pays. Sheknows you're sincerely interested. lrsson two: Never-married's over 25 arefocttsd only on onething. Want a clue?It's not havingfun andenjoyingthe benefitsof an older lover. PATIENCE DT,]RINGCOT]RTSHIP I'm not a patientpersonby birth, upbringingor habit. I've learnedby trial and error, mostly error, I must havepatience to dateyoungwomen.It was easyto figure out. I just watched onesweetthing after another walk away,not call, lie aboutwhy shedidn't showup and "forget" dates.The youngersheis, the more patient you must be. Even after ail these years my impatience causes to makefatal mistakes. me 4 bushor two in thelnnd is wonh anybird.
TIIE AUTTIOR

If you didn't meet at a party where you knew someof the youngpeoplein attendance weren't introducedby a mutual or

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HOW TO DATE YOUNGWOMEN

friend, prepare yourself for a two-month or longer siege, depending her maturity. That's if you can put yourself in on front of her threetimes a week. It takestime for her to getusedto the ideaof havingan older lover. Shehasto resolve feelings guilt, thenstopdoubting her of her sanity.After that, shemustaccept risks andgenerate the the courage take a chance. the sametime she'smakingsure to At you're notjust goingto useherthentrashher. And finally, when she'sgottenover the pervading feelingof "There's something wrong with me for wantingto go out with someone enough old " to be my father, she'll accepta pseudo date. This is not something that happens overnight,next week or nextmonth.Thistakes time,energy, effort,moneyandpatience. THE GODS WIIL TEST YOU. The other-worldof young womenis ruled by godswith a perversesense humor and of bizarcetiming. They severelytest every older man who dares enter their kingdom, lest he prove unworthy to partakeof the delightsofferedby the young femalesin their domain. godshavedevised particularlycrueltrial for you after These a you're slim andtrim, dressed well anddatinga28 yearold. The pricks will wait until you're engrossed the sportspage on in Mondaymorningat thecoffeeshop.Thenthey'll senda pretty, well endowed19 year old to sit down besideyou. Proveyour worthiness reactingappropriately. Make this by yourtouchstone: "Startouteasy, canalways you comeon hard." If you startleher, radiatelust or evenmomentarilyembarrass her during the crucial openingmoments,all is lost. Make only a friendly, relaxed move. Smileandsay, *Hi. " Resistthe urge to take charge.This was the hardestthing for me to master. Don't get me wrong. There aretimes when she'll be most yourdirect,strong approach. However, excited interestedby and you will make few, if any, fatal mistakes waiting to seeif by When she'sunder25, comingon hard is what'sreally needed. coming on hard is right only three times out of a hundred. PATIENCE PREV ZiNTSMPO. Rapo,asinrape,isagilme females of all ages play to avoid the possibilify of being to emotionallyhurt if they permit themselves care for a male. Play. I've been in It's described Eric Berne's,The&mes People play ones,of any d9a, hadby themall, from 14to 40.Immature the most.

CourtHer

gT

Shetalksandflirts with you, givingtheimpressionyou should makea move,now. You do. Sherecoilsin horror, exclaiming, 'What kind of girl you do think I am?"or the equivalent. Youtll hearthis equivalent few (thousand) a times "I can't, I havea , boyfriend. " Shewantsto know she'sattractive proveit to the world. and By rejecting you in front of others she's saying "Look , everybody, madea passat me. I mustbe attractive. At the he " sirme time shewantsto showthe boysin the audience she'snot a bad little girl. She'smarriable,not interested men. She in thinksher actions translate "Look boys!I'm a goodgirl. I to, chased that bad old man away." Okay. Here's anotherof thoseworth-the-price-of-the-book tips. Identify a Rapoplayerby how smooth,calm and relaxed she is during her interactionwith you. She's not afraid. She knowsit's only a gitme.Compare with the tlpical excited, her nervous,awkward,an:rious year olds you court. If it's too 20 goodto be true, it ain't. A STRINGOF PEARLSMAIGS YOUhATIENT. Always havea stringto work on at leastthreeyoungpearlslong. With only two, whenyou *fold 'em" with the first, you'll only have one, that's the sameas havingnone. The more of themyou're working on at once,the lesslikely you are to comeon too strong.Your attitudewill radiate, "If it doesn'thappen hereI canmoveon." You will be perceived as confident,relaxed,not desperate a datewith her. for Whenfocusing only one,for you, the stakes high. She on are feelsthepressure would ratherfold thanstick aroundto see and your hand. Young womencome and go out of your life instantly. She is unstable,impulsiveand irresponsible. She is quick to get married, engaged hook a boyfriend.New boyfriendsdon't or get cheated for a year. She'sinterested immediate on in change whensomething wrong. Shequitsherjob aftertwo frustrating is days. Shechanges apartments, roommates phonenumberi and fasterthanyou change your socks. Just after you managed talk with her three days in a row to down by the pool and then had her over for a drink last night, shedecides, "DebbieandI aremovingto Oregon.We want to get out of the smog,live a naturallife. " hrkel

HOW TO DATE YOUNGWOMEN

Keep the hopperfull. Have at leastthree, more if you can get handle it gracefully. I can't. As one disappears, another going. Keepingyour optionsopenis goodbusiness, matter ro you're in. what business IT'S AI\ ACT. SIM'S NOT A WOMAN The young women you'll be dating lack the ability and to confidence relateto you like a womancan. They don't have much experiencewith older men and a series of successful encounters make them believe they can handleyou. Most to pretendto be confident and mature, assumingyou won't be if interested sheactsher age. She'll haveyou believing,*No problem.Shedoesthis all the " it time. f canmakemy movenow. She'll handle like a woman. You trying to takeshortcuts. Treatingherlike a woman means on she'snot afraid,based her behavior.You don't take assume your time and maintain the mandatoty, casual indifference neededfor her to think the affair is her idea. Dropping the pretense,you communicate directly, trying for too much, too soon. her. To saveface, she'll You won't evenrealizeyou scared control herself and continueacting like a womanuntil you're gone,then lose control, of her bladder. pissingin her panties, she'lltell theothergirls where Besides she works or where you both work, you cilme on to her. It She two purposes. wantsto know if you're a notorious serves playboy and shewantsall the other femalesto be jealous. FT'CK UP'S FROM TIM REAL WORLD Let's start with my classic.I rate it at the top out of, oh, probablya thousand. Shellywas 2t. Shewasphysically,spirituallyand mentally everythingI find megaattractivein any female,young or not. She had a sharp mind. She was brave and strong. She was Her arrbitiousandeducated. absurd,silly sense conscientious, of humor was backedby a grand, toothy smile and sparklitg, devilishblue eyes. Physicallyshewas delightful. I don't know how to get this weird, but shelookedlike she'dburst through across,it sounds her skin. I think shewasso full of energyandlife it just looked like that. It's not important.It turnedme oll.

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In the beginningI did everythingright. I was sitting in the bar at a restaurant frequented, I bullshitting with a few of the girls who worked there.It was Shelly'sfirst night as cocktail waitress. ignored f her. Her friendDebbywasin visiting,giving moral supportand having a few. I engaged Debby in a conversation aboutHawaii. The two of them were going when they graduated from Cal Statein a few months.Shellyjoined the conversation whensheheardme discussing placesto stay. They askedtonsof questions. cheap I volunteered bring in the information state to on cabins."When do you work?" Pretty slick, eh? I waitedfour days.I satat the bar andcasuallywent over the cabinsandsuggested some hikesaroundthere,thenignoredher, had anotherand left. A week later I sawher car in the parking lot as I was driving by. Whoa! Suddenly was Miller time. it On my way to the bar she stoppedffie, excitedand happy, bubblingaboutgettingreservations thankingme for saving and hersomuchmoney. said,"No problem. I You'rea waitress too, huh. I'll sit with you next time I'm havingdinner.Later.' How did I know her car, you ask. I'd bentthe conversation that way the first time we talked. Pretty slick, eh? Threedayslater I wasworking on a mild buzz, flirting with Sue,the bartender. knew Shelly'sschedule, I didn't expectto seeher, but shebouncedin, bouncedover and ploppeddown besideme. Shehad on tight bluejeans,tight t-shirt andno bra. Jeeesus, I underestimated. had Great medium-large tits, great curvaceous hips, greatlegs,great,just fuckin' great.The burz, you know. I bought,we talked,Hawaii, backgarnmon, troublewith her advanced accounting, inability with math, sorority snobs, my ffid, tah dah, our mutualdislike of the bar scene. Thebooze wasworkingon usboth.Soonshewastellinggreat "dirty" jokes and laughingat mine. Her signalswere subdued but definitelypositive. My little headstartedyammering,"Shit. She'sready. Just lay this on her, 'Let's seeif you're asgoodat backgammon as you say.We cango to my place.'She'llgo for it. You cansuck thenipples right off those tits. Let mefuck herdoggiestyle.You jiggle." can watchthat big ass

r00

HOWTODATEYOUNGWOMEN

My big headregainedcontrol when sheleft 'to powder my nose.' I knewI shouldsaysomething tactful to testtheprogress pastmistakes just said, in an and her interest.Remembering I manner,I thoughtshewasattractive.Sheblushed oh-by-the-way slightly, "You're not bad yourself.' I went to the men's room to get a hold of myself, both ways. I knew onemore drink andI'd blow this opportunitybeforeshe blew me. After finding out her schedule a waitress promised I as to come in and have dinner when she was workitrg, then said I had to go. Pretty slick, eh? On the way homeandfor the next two days,I thoughtabout her constantly, focusingon importantthings,like whatthosetits would look like floppingup anddownwhile I wasrammingher. ShouldI go downon her right away?Wereherpubesdarkblond or brown?I'll bet shelikes beingon top! She ceased being a 2I year old, living at home, finishing just too inexperienced college.I decided,"She'sprettymature, to initiate it. She's only needsa tactful invitation. No needto wait. I'll haveto be relaxedand sureof myself, though.' Thursdaynight finally arrived. I dressed sharplyand threw downa coupleto makesureI was "confident." WhenI got there I was feeling so "confident" I forgot to seewhereShelly was comingfrom. I wasso *confident"I started offthe conversation, after amenities, inviting her to comeover to my placeafter by work and beatme at backgammon! Pretty slick, eh? Shetactfully declinedwith a semi-plausible excuse finals of coming up and having to study. I was so "confident" I didn't realizeI hadjust blown it. After daysof fairtasizing was a she woman,I persisted if sheactuallywere a woman. "'We can as keepit short. I'll just beatyou threestraight.You'll be home " by midnight. Shesaid,"No, really.I gottastudy,"andleft with my order. I knew sheliked me. "Damn! Shewas so happyto seeme when I came in. What the hell's wrong? Maybe I'm not 'confident' enough.' So, I had anotherconfidence builder. I wasso "confident"I couldn'tseethe right call wasto drop backand quick kick. It wasearly in the first quarter.But to my "confident" way of thinking I was on this woman's,not young woman's,oneyard line. "So what if it's only the first quarter.

Court Her

rcT

You gottascorewhenyou're this close.Powerit in. Fullback over left tackle,ott two." You know what happened, right? I droppedthe snap, then bootedthe ball. Shelly picked it up and walked, not ran, the lengthof the field for a touchdown. Wannahearthe fumble?"Look Shelly,we don't haveto play theseuseless singles'bar games. f'm attracted you, you're to attracted me. Comeon ovet." Sheturnedpale and walked to away. Anothergirl broughtmy check. A monthpassed. wassittingin a coffeeshop.Shellywalked I in, saw ffie, cameover to my boothand sat down. Shesmiled that big toothy grin, "What you beenup to?" I controlledmy excitement managed and We with greatwill powerto be casual. talked for awhile. The vibes were kinda good, so I figured, "What the hell, can't blow it any worse from here, and " lunch. Shehesitated, suggested then declinedwith no excuse. I figured, "What the hell, I'm not going to make it with her. Let's find out whatthe scorereally is." SoI said, "Why not?" Shelly lookedme right in the eyesand said, "You're too smoothfor me." I asked whatthatmeant.Her reply, in effect, was she liked ffie, thoughtI was attractivebut, "You're just it trying to fuck me and I don't appreciate onebit. " I figured, "What the hell, it's truth telling time." I said indeed,I wantedto "go to bed" with her but that wasn't all I wanted.I told her truthfully how wonderfulI thoughtshewas, how I'd love goingplaces andhavingfun together. Shelistened thoughtfully. waited.Thegistof herreply:That I fatefulnight, shehadproudlytold another waitress wascoming I in to havedinnerat her station.That deargirl saidI wasa slut, alwaystrying to pick up the waitresses. I remained calm with greateffort. I told her it wasnot true. I was friendly andflirted but I'd neverasked Sure any of them out. (I hadn't.) I wantedto know who had said thesethings, suggesting names those considered cattiest. wouldn't of I the She tell me. It made difference, no had irreparable damage been done " by my "confidence. We parteddiplomatically. I Somehow had madea deadlyenemyat that place without ever knowing it. Or, the girl who calledme a slut was one of those cunts (I can nanrecall, too.) who can't standit when anotherfemaleis successful.

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SincethenI've beenextra I quit goingto that bar-restaurant. or bartenders with any waitresses, carefulnot to flirt seriously Who knowswhenanother, cocktaitgirls at my other hangouts. as asdynamite Shelly,will startworkingthere.I'll wait. When she does, I won't forget she'snot a woman, tro matter what I fantasies haveabouther. MORE FLICK IIP'S. IrEY, TrrAT'S HOW YOU LEARN wheresheworked.After a few visits andseveral I met Sandy friendly conversations, weather,UCLA versusUSC, ffiY the recent trip to Hawaii and others, she invited me to lunch. "Here'soneof those adult19yearolds.We rarebut wonderful, " I thought! won't haveto dancelong, I A few days later on the way to the restaurant askedif she had trouble getting served.When she said yes, I "cleverly" and suggested stopby my house havea Margaritaor Tequila we point I *knew" I wasdealingwith Sunrise.Sheagreed. that At a 19 year old, capitalW, woman. Soundfamiliar?Don't feel bad whenyou're a slow learner. This was six monthsafter Shelly! t We talked aboutcollege,her job and other safesubjects. the had anotherdrink and "cleverly" maneuvered conversation now, I'd talked with this young to relationships. Remember womanfor a total of aboutone hour before getting her to my place. comfortable with the topic. Shesaidher 22 year Sheseemed him old boyfriendwasher dreamlover andconsidered *the man " I'm goingto marry whenI graduate. I talkedaboutmy ex and she had another drink. I had another drink and "cleverly" comfortableand managed bring up sex. Again, she seemed to recent of virginity, diplomatically loss somewhat talkedabouther he how emphasizing patient and understanding hadbeenfor six and went to the restaurant. months.We had anotherdrink "Patientandunderstanding?" Threetequilasmadeit easyfor me to ignorethat. more.Thevibesweregreat.I was We talkedanddranksome maturity. After four tequilas by so excitedandaroused Sandy's I said,"You knowwhatI want?" and I felt rich, handsome sexy. She looked at me sensually,leanedforward, revealingD-cup said, "No. and cleavage in her bestCosmoGirl impersonation

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Whatdo you want?"Her toneof voiceadded, "You big, strong, powerful man." Now I felt bulletproof! In my bestCaryGrantimpersonatior, "I'd like to havea torrid affair with you." Sheresponded, "I'd like you to takeme home, as any L9 yearold would. " Whenyou screwup like this takeheart.At leastoncea year I still hearmyselfsaying,"You've doneit again,asshole! right " after she gets angry or scared and walks out of my life. "the time Sometimes on thefourthor fifth date.I've decided it's hascome," ignoringmy mandate wait until shethinksit's her to idea.I forgetabouthavingpatience startbehaving she's like and an adult woman.Always and foreverWRONG! Patience not a virtue, it's mandatory. is WHAT ELSE CAT{ GO WRONG? Once you've masteredthe basics you're not usually the problem.It takestime for her to get usedto the ideaof being in interested an older man. A week to her is like two months possibilityin her you to us. Althoughshesees as an interesting life, her attentionspanis limited. Fateintervenes matterhow patientyou are.Old boyfriends no get parents comehomefrom college the service, neurotic her or or separated shemeetsMr. Rite, wherehe works at the pizza parlor. RememberMr. Rite and his two outstandingqualities, marriableand marriable? shedoesn'thavea boyfriendshe If wants one. She'll forget aboutyou and "go for it" when a candidate appears, candidate. any Things only go wrong at the right time, destroyingmonths of preparation. just like the restof your life, nothingexcept It's what you do is controllable. Everythingelseis up to the gods. AFTER GBTTING GOOD AT IT, GODS TAKE O\IER You'll havedoneeverything correctly.You'll havemet her and after severalweeksof "getting to know you" talk, she's happyand excitedto seeyou whenyou comein. You' ll havementioned fi something about shingandshe'll have said, "Gee, I alwayswantedto go fishing but Jimmy'd never take me." You'll not havejumped on that but two days later you'll have casuallymentioned you're going pier fishing on (knowing it's her day offl with Mary, a friend of Wednesday

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yoursandanacquaintance hers(abuilt-inTeddy).She'llhave of you smiledandcoyly asked to takeher along.On Mondaynight she'll tell you excitedlysheandJimmyaregoingto Europefor Typical. the summer,leavingWednesday. happen while they're over thereor even Who knowswhat'll more important,when she gets back. If you pout about the for fishing expeditionor indicateanythingbut happiness her, developing so you'll haveno chance. You've spent muchenergy this, work on savingit. A long shot is betterthan no shot. card. Write Handleit like a man. Give her your interesting your homeaddress theback.Ask herto sendyou a postcard. on Then mentionsomeof the placesyou think she and Jimmy'll like without trying to one up him. AT{OTIIER WIIAT-WENT-WRONG? shook Shewas2I, a solidB plus. You mether on Tuesday, her hand,smiledandtalkedfor a bit, thenparted.On Thursday you moreandtold sheremembered andsmiled.You talkedsome her you'd seeher on Monday.Shesaid, "Okay, havea nice " weekend. Mondly, shewasn'tthere.You knewbetterthanto ask. Today, Tuesday,you didn't notice she wasn't paying talking. Shebarely to attention you. You were excited,started replied. You left feelinglike a jerk. What happened? Reviewher last few daysto get a rough ideawhat her world is like and how that world, &swell as fate intervenein the best laid plans of mice and middle agedmen. She has pressures, peoplepulling andpushingon her all the time: (1) Yesterday skipped she work to takeher bestfriend to the wouldn't find out. Her boss abortionclinic so the girl's parents saidthis morninghe'd fire her if shemissedanotherday. (2) An hour after she went to bed last night her old high schoolboyfriendcalledagain,crying andbeggingfor a chance to to makeit work, threatening kill himself.He's a cokefiend. late (3) Thismorning,Tuesd.y,shewas20 minutes for work. Her car wouldn't start. Shecalledher boyfriend.He wanteda blow job ashe droveher to work and got "totally mad" when shewouldn't do it. (4) Last night her girl friend was trying to convinceher to lie to Jimmy so they could go to Palm Springsthis weekend. it She'sconsidering after the way he was this morning.

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(5) Her never-married older sisteralwayswantsher to baby sit. Whenshesaystro, asshedid tenminutes beforeyou walked in, her sistermakesher feel guilty. Yeah,it's an exaggeration. all of theseand**y, many But more have happened young womenI've been courting or to dating. [f only one of thesethings happens, you're not real importantto her, today. Take heart. Don't quit. Go back on Thursday Fridayandgive it another or persevershot.Patience, anceand tenacityare virnresnecessary prevail. to Understanding universe her won't makeit mucheasier date to her. But whenthingsfall apart,knowingwhatshemaybe going through will give you the courageto try with her again. SOMETIMES GODS HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH IT When she tells you not to do something, don't do it. The telling is not done directly. You have to pay attentior, then remember. Early on after meetingJanice,she told me she was bored shitlesswith her live-in boyfriend of three years. "But," she *I confessed, don't have the balls to really cheaton him." I sympathized kept my mouth shut. A few monthswent by and and we becamegood friends. She excitedlytold me she had gottenup the courage wasgoing to go out with a guy from and her work. A week later I askedabouther "date." She said, "First time was great,wore his cock off. " Then told me that two dayslaterhe broughtflowersandsaidhe'd foundthe love of his life. Angrily, she said, *I told him I was living with someone. just wantedto messaround.The dick." I Now thisyoungwoman was"hot stuff" by my standards. She was20, had agteatsense humor,wasgoodlooking,rowdy, of rebelliousand loved to party. I lusted for her but was being patient,waitingfor Janice realizel wasjust whatsheneeded. to A month later she said, under the influenceof champagne, "I'm ready to fuck my brains out, going ctuf,y. How 'bout Wednesday night?" Patience rarely honoredthat directly, is okay. Wednesday night finally arrived. I handedher a rose when shewalkedin. Shedidn't sayanythingexcept,"Thanl$," then askedfor a drink. I took my time andwaited.After an hour she said, "Sorry. I just want to be friends,okay?"

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the In the threelong daysI hadto anticipate wild delightsof this lusciousyoung womanmy brain must havequit working. Shehad told me how not to behavetwo monthsago. Handing her her a rosewas like slapping in the faceand saying,"'What you doing here with an old man?You shouldbe home, are loyally waiting for your faithful, boring boyfriend.' If you in in missed reading,whatI missed the realworld, readit again then keepyour earsopenwhen you get out there. COI]RTING TACTICS enemyyou faceis from within - your The most dangerous manner, your too confident,too aggressive lack of confidence, evenwith These toughto overcome, your lackof aggression. are practice, so the best generalstrategyis to be unpredictable, swingingbetweenbeing nice and being coldly indifferent. It you to maintainan effective keepsher off balanceand enables perspective therelationship. Withouttheright viewpoint,you on are liable to be wrappedaroundher 22 year old finger in a coupleof days. Whenyou're obviousor up front aboutwantingto go out with her there's no longer a challengeor the excitementof not that, she's knowing if you'll make a move or not. Besides your interest, convinces she about So, scared. whenshe'scertain is herselfthe outcome so obviousshedoesn'thaveto take any and chances evenmakea pseudodatewith you. This entire enterpriseis complex but it's not that much different from the prancinganddancingwe haveto go perform with someadult woman.Young oneslike to mind fuck, too. you. From all the to Pay attention the signalsshe'ssending going on most of the booksyou'll know what's body language time. But, if it feels like she's :oming on to You, evenwhen she you can point to as evidence, is. there's nothingconcrete That's what courtshipis all about. Someyoungwomenareblatantin their comeon's. Thereis of But what'shappening. be suspicious her if she's no mistaking like it seems she'sreallyinviting Evenwhen and relaxed smooth. you to make your move, it may be nothing more than bait to and getyou inpositionto rebuffyour advance winthe little gitme Raposhe'splaying. of

CourtHer

r07

DIFFERENT WORI(S.Shehasanunlimitedchoice males, of relativelyspeaking. hereyou arestanding a very long line, So in trying to have an affair with her. If you competewith young you'll neverget to the front of the malesusingtheir weapons, queue. You can't be like the young competition except in one importantwa/, you mustbeyoungatheart.During thecourtship you must show her you are exactly that, young at heart. You run four miles a day and edoy physical, outdoorsports. You like to play girmes, havefun, laugh,be silly andparty. Shedoes not want to havean affair with a serious,tired, jaded malt. New is excitingbut you wanther to seeyou're not only new, you you're radicallydifferent.Theonly chance haveis by being different.Differentlooking.Differentacting.Differenttalking. Different in what you want from her. When talking and interactingwith her don't make sexual how greatyou are,hedoes. he comments, does.Don't talk about Let mannersand etiquetteshow, he doesn't or doesn't know her, he does.At the sametime, let how. Don't try to impress her seeyou haveattributesand knowledgeshe'll benefit from in the near future. When it fits, alwaysmention someof the thingsyou like to do a youngman doesn'tdo - attendplays, run, go to Santa Anita andwatchthe thoroughbreds or drive to brunchat the BeverlyHilton. Beverly Hills for Sunday Don't, that'sDon't with a capitalD, s&yor do any of these you're tryitrg, her. If sheevenslightlysuspects thingsto impress it ruins everything.Shethinls she'sgot you. You're from a different world. Shewantsto find out what your world's like. But, everythingmust be done carefully. You don't want her to Differentis excitingbut alsodangerous. think she's not mature enoughor smart enoughor whatever your world so she to enough, explorea differentworld. Present her. It will be fun, knows nothing adults do will embarrass exciting and different. Different works. TIIE COI'RTSIIIP PROCESSIN ACTION my and I went to the supermarket replenished liquor supply. I looked over the cashiersand got in the line with the best looking one. Her nametag said, "Liz." She smiled and gave the standardAlpha Beta greeting. I excepta it volunteered was a week's supply, got no response

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her polite smile,so I shutup andwatched ringingup the booze. *Now here's When she got to the Cuervo Gold she said, somethingworthwhile!" with a happy grin. Without thinking but I told her I loved it in sunrises didn't shootit like "real and men." Shelaughed saidshedid. After somesmalltalk about tequilaI told her I'd be backto seeher next week when I ran againand said, *Okay." out. Shelaughed I went to the store the next few nights but she was never there. Then one eveningI had a date with Lisa. She wanted I and nothingbut Kamikazes. gallantly went to the Kamikazes store,alone,for lime juice. the Liz was working! I grabbed limes and a fifth of Gold. I She anything. looked pushed Cuervoforwardwithoutsaying the I the up andsmiled,"Finished big onealready?" said, "Nope. I bought this one to drink with some wild and crary young checkerI met." Shelookedat the clock, lookedat the tequila, " and soon. I smiled said, thenatme, "Nottonight.But sometime "You've got a date," andleft to down Lisa anda few Kamikazes. Lizwas nevertherewhenI wentbacknight afternight. After to a weekI asked.Shehadbeentransferred a storea few miles supennarkets. away. I changed Shenoticedme in her line and lookedaroundneryously.I She got the hint. When it was my turn I was all business. was frightenedbut glad to seeme. I askedher when she worked. " hours,theholidays. Shekept Shehurriedlysaid,"All different on watchingthe checkers both sideswhile ringing up my stuff. and I kept quiet, saidgoodbye pleasantly left. I wentbackmanytimesduringthenextweek,shewasnever there. I lost my patienceand askedthe managerwhen Liz look worked.He gaveme a suspicious andsaidhe couldn'tgive like that. Oops!Too pushy.Time to be patient. out information Two weekslater I wassittingin the loungeof a local dinner . houseafterwatchinga blackedout Lakersgameon satellite Llz walkedin, still wearingheruniform. I waited.Sheneverlooked around,just kept her eyesgluedto the tv. cameor, I walkedover and said, "Hi, When a commercial Liz." Shedidn't smile, didn't say anythingand lookedscared if me she to death.I rcalized didn't recognize so I asked I could

CounHer

I0g

buy her a Gold shooter.Shegrinneda big smileof recognitiotr, *sure!' slid over andpattedthe seatbesideher. After amenities told her a short versionof what happened I when I went looking for her. I explainedI didn't want to ask nnny questions her new store because didn't *know her at I situation.'nShethankedme for that and said she had beenon vacation. After anotherdrink sheshyly volunteered neverwent to she barsandcertainlywould neverlet a manbuy her a drink. I was smartenough just wait. Within a minuteshe"confessed'she to wils angry with her boyfriendanddidn't want to go homeuntil he left for work on the midnight shift. After some safe small talk and another shootershe said, "Sorry I was nervouswhenyou camein.' BeforeI could say anythingsheadded,"Ed's sisterwasworkingtheregisterbehind you." I didn't haveto ask who Ed was. My cock stiffened.I mumbled,"LIh huh.' We madesomeawlanrard smalltalk, thenI asked,*Whencan you come over and work on that fifth of Gold with me?' We madethe arrangements two nightslater. Shesaidshe'dhave for to leaveat 2 eu because sometimes he c,alled his first break. on (Remember Mary Ann's andJimmy's checkup cdls?) Twenty minutesafter shecamethroughthe door we were in bed. We had a passionate, monthaffair. It endedwhen she two startedfeeling too guilty. Let's review this courtshipeffort from the beginningandsee why it worked. I was ready, ils always, for the first meeting, clean and dressed neatly.I put myselfdirectlyin front of her. I didn't keep trying after gettingno response my attemptat conversation. to I waited, aloof and indifferent. When shedid say something I replied with informationaboutme. I could haveruined it right off whenI resorted humorbut to that's the real, spontaneous I was able to reply as I did me. having written off my chanceswhen I got nothing but a response businesslike after I hadgivenher the perfectopening. In other words, I really was aloof. We both were able to indicate interest without risking rejectiotr,as shownby the way I closedthe first conversation with a pseudooffer for a dateand got a pseudoyes.

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I was tenacious,going back until I found her. Then, wits we relaxed aggressive, suggesting drinktogether, and confident, and got at least a "sometime soon.' Was confident and " again,saying,"You've got a date. aggressive Knowing I was going hometo face certain orgasmicdeath and to at Lisa'sdelightfulhandmadeit easy beconfident relaxed whenmakingthe proposition. The dealI offeredLizwas safe,no onehadto losefacesince eitheror both of us couldpretendit wasn't a "real" passif she It wasn'tinterested sheknewI wasstronglyattracted. wasn't but "Let' s havelunch sometime. " Her reply, "sometime soon," was safefor both of us, too. It could mean *maybc,' or it could mean, "Not tonight, but " soon,we'll drink a bottleof Cuervoandseewhathappens. The just did it and so did she. whole exchange was instinctive.I Nobody can plan atread how or what to say and pull it off. Sometimes when I hear "maybe" or a versionof it I react negatively with fatalresults evenif shemeant"possibly"instead jerk," which is usuallywhat "maybe"means. of "Stuff it, My negative reactiontakesthe form of attempted facesaving words, followed by defeated and body language facial expression. After that she writes me off as a wimp even if she was only: (1) stallingfor time because rattledher (2) seeingif I I wits sincerelyinterested waiting for me to try harderor (3) by testing the steel content of my balls. Confident men are indifferent or positive when responding "maybe." I was to confident.It was easythat time, Lisa was waiting. From the beginningI was careful to be discreet.When she wasnervous thenew store,I did nothingandsaidnothingthat at would causeher fellow checkersto notice me. And, after going to creatingsuspicion her numager's mind, I stopped in the store.WhenI told her aboutthatin thebar I chosemy words carefullyto imply I wanted her, boyfriendor not, *I didn't know " I her situation. And, wg couldhavepretended meanther work
sinration if either of us neededto save face.

Having her walk into my life wasnot all luck. Shechosethe young peopledon't look for eachother dinner housebecause by there.Shedidn't wantto be seen anyof her contemporaries. I I was therebecause only operatea few miles from homeand never, neverhangoutwhereyoungpeopleon the make go.

Court Her

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Notice the phrasingof, *When canyou comeover andwork on that fifth of Gold with me?" Confident men assumeit's "when" not "will you?" The time andthe vibeswere right for an aggressive, confidentmove. Liz w:rs ready for an affair but was so attractiveshe could pick and choose.She wanted someonesafe. *Safe" meant someoneknowledgeable enough not to get her discovered, it, someone who understood situationand accepted as well her ils someone could keep emotionaldistancefrom and who she like a jealousboy. would not behave After Boyfnendsyou know most haveone. Assumethe one you're courtingdoesand let her know it's cool. Endangering guarantees you, not she,will be the person that her relationship washingyour cock real fast in the shower. Liz, and all others who don't hangout in bars, desired who didn't just want to pop her twice and drop her, someone making her feel like a piece of meat. I had shown genuine, for interest.I met her requirements a safe affair by sustained And, I behaved occasions. discretionon several demonstrating like a confident,relaxedmanwho was attractiveenough.I was met opporhrnity. well. Preparation slim and trim, and dressed S OF COT]RTSIilP THE ELEVEN CO youngass? Verily I sayunto Dost thou covetthy neighbor's of thee,to gainethsuch,thouhastbut obeythe coffis courtship: I. II. III. IV. V. VI. VII. VIII. IX. X. XI. Thou shalthavea slim trim body Thou shaltbe well groomed Thou shaltbe dressed right Thou shaltsmell good. Thou shaltbe relaxedand confident Thou shalt shakehandsand smile Thou shalttalk at her level Thou shalt radiateno lust Thou shalt laughappropriately. Thou shalt remainadult Thou shaltgenuinelycompliment,once.

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Five is the No Onethroughfour aremandatory. discussion. well actedimitationwill hardest.Don't despair.A moderately permits you to be genuinelyrelaxedand work until success confident.With only a bit of practicesix is easy.The seventh to only forbids attempting impress. BreakingWII is fatal 85 percentof the time. WII(a) is: Thou at shaltstealno glances thoseperky tits. you're into macho,nine will be hard to obey. Drop the If act. Laughingat yourself is evenbetter. Ten Clint Eastwood simply forbids acting young and hip. Eleven is hard for introverts.Simply focuson her, what shehason or looks like. Zerc in on onething you sincerelyadmireandtell her. Not that greattush, either.Noticeit says"once." fn MeetHer and Talk With Her, there'smuchmore aboutwhy. Mastering throughfive will haveyou datingher lessthan one yearafterfinishingthis "bible." After you'reableto obeythem a all, Hefner will come to you for lessons.Seriously,these commandments no differentfrom the original ten. You can't are observe every olle. Relax.Onlyonethroughfour absolute. getmoderately Just are adeptwith three or four of the others. Verily, brother,woebe untothee,if thou doestnot obeythe first commandment. presentworld and thy hereaftershalt Thy inhabited divorcees two score of be with only fat, ball crushing years. So far you understand her, you know what you must do to get readyfor her and now you havethe basicsneeded court to you Fird Her. her. Here's whereandhow

Whenhunting ducks, one mustgo where the ducksAre.

FIELD MARSHALL ROMMEL

tind Her
While you get fatter watchingthe tv newsman you about tell another dyingof leukemia kid visitingDisneyland, another wreck onthefreeway,another arsonfire inthe garment district, another benefitfor AIDS "victims," another of your life goesdown day the drain. There are thousands young womenout there right now, of within five miles of your place. Severalof them would be delightedto havean affair with you. No matterwhatWebersaysinHow ToPick Up Girls, finding her andmeeting aredifferentbut intertwinedsteps. her The only practical placeto find heris where will havea semi-plausible you reasonto say something her and thenhavea safesubjectto to talk about. You couldgojogging at the high schoolwhenthe seniorgirls gym classis on the track. I usedto whenmarried.fesus,it was marvelous being passed fifty giggling 18 year olds. They by smelled good.It wasdelightfulwatching so theirtittiesbouncing. But it's absolutely no use.Mommy told her, "Don't talk to of strangers!" told you, *The only practicalplaceto find her is I whereyou will havea semi-plausible . ." Remember . it. WIIERE TO LOOK Any placeshe is not trying to meet a young mar. Find her working in restaurants, bar-restaurants, offices,shops,stores.

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female-type organizations, campus Look for her in classrooms, classes,resorts, vacation spots, tenniS cOurts, health SPS, issueclubs,political clubsandparticipating parties,weddings, charity eventslike End Hunger Walkathons. in community 18 between and21 In 1988therewill be 8.7 million females in collegesor other in the country. Six million will be enrolled Whatareyou doingsittingherereading institutions. educational collegeclass Getyour assinto a universityor community a book. room. Whoa! Comebackhere.Takea showerandput on somenice over your face. cologne.Run that ra:zor clothesand expensive Don't let her first impression Be confidentof your appearance. of you be that of a scruffy, middle agedman. The ten minutes there's no suchthing because this takesis worth every second meeting. . . . as luck, only preparation Pick a classwith irfieraction,not onewhereyou get lectured on to. I met at least40 potentialyoungloversmy first semester the I ajunior collegecampus. datedthree.Onebecame life-long before. friend mentioned WIIERB NOT TO LOOK Any placeshe'strying to meeta youngmall. Anywherethe crowd is mostly under 25. In a classlike Investmgin Kntgerrands. In your living room watchingMonday Night Football. Any seminaron How to Meet People. Any pop psychology workshopsor any gatheringfor singles.Never look in any bar a or club, especially slngles'bar. menard women,ffid many WHY NOTBARS?Mostdivorced who never married, end up behavinglike the young malesof our culture. Well , ?t leastthe peoplewho are in bars looking for to meet someone the night or the rest of their life. young male. Rememberwhen you were 22? You were a You'd say anythitrg,do anythingto get laid. That's how the single world is. It's populated by desperate,defensive, manipulative,gameplaying liars of both sexes. else'sass.Nobody up blowingsmoke everybody Everyone's themall, *Do tutto teaches wantsto gethurt, again.Experience others,beforethey do unto you.' placesto look for her. Singles'bars are the worst possible three on Whenshe'son theprowl she'sfocused finding someone

Find Her

Ils

to sevenyears older. She won't even notice you. If you are stupidenough approach to her, you will get shotdown rudely. She'strying to impress "him, " so shepubliclyembarrasses you. If sheisn't trying to meetsomeotr, reasons goingto her for a bar are to: testher powersof attraction, practicetalking with malesin her agerange,satisfyher curiosityaboutbars, enjoy being lookedat, prove to her girl friendsshecanattractmales, play Rapo for her own enjoyment as well as her friends' get pretend entertainment, awayfromherboyfriend, she'sgrown up or just dance. Besides havingmotivesthat don't matchyours, her arxiety levelis off the scale.Some it is created thegeneral of by tension in the air at thesemeet-to-meat marketsbut most of it comes from her own fears of being rejectedor humiliatedor, the are ultimatefailure, tro guy evenmakesa pass.Her defenses strongerthan a case-hardened chastitybelt. mostmenbelievea She'snot experienced enough realize to girl is in a bar to meetmen.She'sgenuinely whenyou offended "hit on" her. Her indignant reply is never pleasant,often humiliating. If this isn't enough makeyou look elsewhere, me tell let to you what happens evenwhen you are doing well with one of them.Whenit comestime to closethe sale(phonenumber,go *My God, I've elsewhere) realizes she what'sreallyhappening. beenpickedup by an older man, in a bar!" The shockcauses her to mumblesomething about takingher girl friendhome,then shebolts for the door. Or, shegivesyou her numberandthen bolts for the door. When calling her a few days later my experiences include hearing,"Gee. I'm really sorry. I didn't meanto give you the wrongimpression I hada fight with my boyfriendthatnight, but, we're backtogether. Or, "I wasdrunk anddidn't realize " what I wassaying." Or, "You wereso persistent didn't know what I else to do." The most humiliating was calling what I thought wits her nurnberand gettingDial-A-Prayer! Even Weberhimself, wouldn't try, "That dimple on your . places. . .' in oneof these He's gota "surefire"line for singles' bars though. I savedit for the next chapter,Meet Her.

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God does work in wondrous and mysterious ways, his miraclesto perform. You may find her amongall the plastic losers.I, however,am of little faith. After wastinga yearof my the afterdivorce life t only learned oneI want is not in anybar. Saveyour moneyandyour ego, skip this part of my education. GET READY TO FII{D IIER Get out of that nice saferut. Get away from thosenice safe Don't wait "friends." Get up off your assand do something. Think. For example,riding for it to happen.Make it happen. are stables full of youngmares.I hatehorses,otherwiseI'd try get it. If you're neutralor like horses going, she'sthere. Librarian andhaveher Visit the library. Talk to the Research Pick the onesyou help you list all local clubsandorganizations. think people under 30 would join, Young Nazis for Social Join ten. Go to a meeting.Drop the Changeor the equivalent. onesyou werewrong about.Try thesefor sure:Societyfor the Preventionof Cruelty to Animals, GreenPeace,Sierra Club, Young Democrats. Young Republicans, Join the sH, hiking or any other club at work. Becomea member or managerof the company'ssoftball, bowling or whateverteam. within 15 minutesof There are plenty of young waitresses your homeor office. Don't go to eat when the crowd's there. Get thereearlier or later if you want her to becomeinterested. Limit your huntinggroundsto an areayou cancoverquickly andoften. Stickcloseto homeandwork. You haveto be in front of her as often :N possible,like every day, to meether. More importffit, most undet 22 are reluctantto drive more than 20 minutesto your place,distanceis intimidatingto them. a Onceyou've established small circle of youngfriends and Invitethemall.Telt throw apartyfor anyreason. acquaintances, to bring friends. Pay for everything. them You'll daily who's hospitalized. Breaka leg or visit someone find ten CandyStripersand young nurses. at Takenight or dayclasses thelocaljunior collegeinteresting between18 and 30. She'sin Sewingfor Beginners, to females Trainingandsuch.Read Paralegal Acting I, Word Processing, at and the listing of classes figure it out. Take classes the local YMCA or evenbetter, &t the WVCA.

Fit d Her

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Get your hair and nails doneevery week by a studentat the local beautycollege.Not by one of the fags, of course. Go to the beacheveryday. Become "local." After the sun a goesdown, hangout in the restaurant/bar wherethe under 35 crowd goes.Beachtown barsare different.They're like, you know, dude,really kickedback, casual the max. to Rent a houseat the beachright on the sandfor two weeks or longer.Sit on the front steps getto know the localyoung and men. Drink beerwith them.Sooner later youngwomenwill or appear. Summerresortsare the placeto be if you don't live neara beach.Get a cabinsituated you cansit on the stepsand get so to know the youngmen who spendtheir sunrmers there. Drink beerwith themandjust like at abeach the house, youngwomen will soonappear. At a resorttown like Palm Springs,get thereearly Friday. Situateyourselfso late arriving womenhaveto walk pastyou use techniques asthey checkin. On Saturday afternoon thesame methods work in For to described MeetHer for weddings. those you must have broken the ice oncebefore with a low level, non-threatening, subtle,friendlyfirst move.Saying"Hi, " to her on Friday when shewalks pastyou is just that. Get invited to every wedditrg, any wedditrg, anywhere, anytime. No matter how old the bride or groom is, young will rather, women beeverywhere. youhave If balls,crash, steel wanderinto, any reception after it's beengoing for an hour. FINDING IIER AT A WEDDING Sincethere is a wide rangeof agesamongthe guests,you blend in. This makessending and receivingsignalsof interest possible withoutcausing problems. her Catty competitiveness rampant.Females all agesare is of enviousof the QueenFor A Day. If you're slim andtrim, and well (you'd betterbe) someof the girls, &tleasthalf the dressed youngwomen,morethanhalf the womenandsomeof the older womenwill havean eye on you. Keep a low profile until the signs of interesthave been exchanged. Narrowthefield to oneor two andmakeyour move. No matterwhat you do you will be talkedabout,prejudged andwatched closely.This is thepriceyou pay for not "knowing

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your place," which is going hometo weedthe yard. But ro, you're goingto smokeweed,with a21 yearold bridesmaid, in the limo's backseat. FII\DING IM,R AT YOIJR WORK Your office building is a prime huntinggroundbut most of us have seen the consequences high cost of personal and involvements work. You maypreferto not risk your position at andfunrre evenfor that 20 yearold centerfoldworking over in Accounting. If you havesteelballs andbrain power, you can ignorethe unwrittenrule of not dippingyour penin the company well. ink I do, ffid did, andwill, ils you will see.Discretion mandatory is on her part aswell asyours. You cancounton yoursbut you'll neverknow abouther until theheatis on. Proceed accordingly. Focuson the youngwomenwho areemployed someother by corporationif you work in a large multi-tenant building. Use theyoungfriendsyou've madeat your company find andmeet to the young womenworking for one of the other companies. To find and meet a young womanon your own who works on a different floor or for anothercompany,you'll have to "bump" into her severaltimes or be lucky enoughto be in the right place at the right time, and by now, you know what Lombardi and I think aboutgetting lucky. Get up off your assand go down to the snackshop several times eachday. Sit there. Sip your coffeeand readthe paper with an eye on the door. Most of them are creatures habit. of Go ten minuteslater everyday until you spother, thenbe there eachday until you can figure out how to meether. Be pleasant say "Hi, " whenyou "bump" into her from and day to day. Graduallyshewill startto feel like sheknowsyou, after that you'll be able to strike up a conversation when "preparation meetsopporhrnity.' Keep everythingcasualexceptfor a few brief, moderately intenseglances.Until you're sure she's interested, show no obviousinterest herotherthanjustfriendship. otherwords, in fn don't stareat her anddon't look at her asswith lust in your eyes as she'sleaving.Her friendswill be watchingyou. "Hi's" for a few days, time your After you've exchanged return to the elevator to coincide with hers, without being

Find Her

I19

obvious.It's easierto talk to her beforethe elevatorarrives. Onceinside,she'seven morefrightened because there'sno place to run away from a potentialdirty old man. If you do it right a few times you can drink your morning coffee with her as a first pseudo date. FIIYDING IMR AT YOI]R NEW COMPAIVY Remember what I told you way backtherein GetReadyFor Her aboutchanging companies? Here'swhy. I wasworking for a company with 3000employees, I'm workingwherethere now are only 400. Onereason changed the high percentage I was of young womenat the new place. Therewere manymore at the old job but few were in my building on the 100acrecomplex. Now, they are all in the sirmebuilditrg, not more than 300 feetfrom my deskandI haveto "bump" into themall day, every day. I am only smiling andsaying*Hi" as I passeachof them in the hall or any otherplace,andat the sametime, I am taking inventoryandnoticingwhich onesarefriendly andextroverted. This is just the second weekandI've identifiedthreepotential candidates, As yet I don't knowwhichonesaretruly available I know but two areinterested, basedon body language eye contact.I and ilm taking my time. I want to pick a winner, not a cock tease. Everyone knowseveryone. WhenI makemy move,therestwill problerns. find out then lose interestor cause This weekI amjoining the slow pitch softballteamandsoon will be drinking beerwith the youngermalesafter the games. After a coupleof weeksI'll be invitedto a party whereI'll be ableto meetandtalk with all thefemales easily.However,since someyoungwomenfrom the company will be there,I'll only in engage mild flirting, otherwise, "He's a slut," will get back to the office and my chances picking one from the many of disappears forever. Besides meetingyoungwomenat theparty, I will meetyoung men who don't work for the company. will hit it off with one I or moreof themandwill eventually included their circles, in be whereI will meetmoreyoungwomen,with theadded advantage problems. of no girls from work to cause As you can tell, finding a young womanthrough work and friends is my favorite and primary method.It's relaxedand

I2O

HOW TO DATE YOUNGWOMEN

naturalto find, meetandthen talk with her at a friend's house or evenjust sitting out by the pool. She's not defensiveor playing gitmeslike sheis when looking for Mr. Rite in a bar. When you've finally gottenyourself into this ideal situation and you're ready in every other way, someof the young ones what it's like to sit on your face.They don't will be wondering is want you to know, so keepit casual.Patience mandatory! NO NO'S WHILE LOOKING Don't look lustfully at the girls working in the coffeeshop where you're becominga regular. Don't do it at your new companyeither. They are all watchingand checkingyou out, too. Looking at morethanonewith drool on your chin makesyou the a very dirty old man. Looking at only one like this causes you her, so sheignores evenif thingshadbegun. othersto tease You must be above suspicion.Talking to one about liking the anothercauses sirmething to happen. PICKING AT{D CHOOSING the Remember adviceI gaveyou a hundredpagesago: (1) discodolliesandborn again's,as well Forgethigh schoolers, is girls andbeautyqueens, competition stiff. (2) the asbig titted is Go wherethe competition limp, stick with 6.5's to 8.0's, they're better human beings and more fun. If she's Miss Teen-AgeAnatreim,packinga pair of 38 D's, wearinga $75 hair cut, with a dovearoundher neckyou won't bother,right? three Shouldyou be lucky enoughto havea choicebetween you will be smartenough 2O year olds, all equallyinterested, the to choose 7 .3 not the 8.7 or the 9.2 won't you? When more than one is showinginterest,be patient. The one'sprobablya gameplayer.If they'reaboutthe sirme smooth &ge,pick the one who showsthe most genuineinterestafter a level of interest the coupleof hours.If they'reall showing same yearold and the third is 23. and one is 19, one is a typical 20 she Pick the oldest.The chance is on the pill, driving her own car and living away from homeis a hundredtimes greater. to It requiresfour timesasmuchpatience get an affair started with a 19 yearold as it doeswith a 23 year old. Onceit starts, necessary two the youngoneneeds daysto setup the subterfuge to come over for an afternoon. She has a boyfriend, and a

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mother, and a father, anda brother, anda nosy girl friend and shecan't spendthe night. The 23 yearold comesover anytime her boyfriendcanbe bullshitted. Did you get that back there at the beginningof this chapter about finding her only where you have a reason to say you'll haveto get a new copy I something. hopeso, otherwise of How To Pick Up Girls, anduseone of Weber'strusty lines to Meet Her.

So if you happento be in one of these singles'bars somecrowdedFriday night, and you seea girl you dig, don't hesitate. Don't knockyourselfout thinkingup a witty approach.AU you haveto say is, 'Hi, how ya doin. '
ERIC WEBER, How To Pick Up Girts

Meet Her
Gimmea break.Do you suppose putzreallybelieves the that? Christ, I hopeso. May he try it everyFriday night for the rest of his life. It might work if you're RobertRedford,otherwise I submit,disrespectfully, thereisn't any 40 yearold man who can walk up to any 20 yearold womanandget anywhere with any opening line. In the past ten yearsI've neverbeenable to date a young woman I met in someother way than being introducedby a mutualfriend, sheintroduced herselfor I introduced myselfat: a socialgathering, class,a club meeting,ffiy company her a or work placeafterfrequenting asa customer weeks. then it for But I nevertriedjust strollingup and saying"That dimple on your left kneeis absolutely sensational!" Tiny testicles, guess. I The purpose meetingher is to talk with her long enough of for her to ". . . realize you are: (1) safe(2) interesting (3) and " atttactive. I hopethat sounds familiar. Whenyou'reintroduced hardpart'sover.There'snothing the left to do excepttalk with her but that's the next chapter.This one's aboutmeetingher all by your little ole self. AT YOTJROFFICE Acknowledge existence her with a friendly "Hi' as you go by her deskor passin the corridors.Nonverbally her know let you're slightly interested not dying to meet her. You're but becoming familiar,nota stranger. "Hi's " atefirstconversations, makingsecond oneseasier.

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withoutbeingobviousfor a week Do this asoftenaspossible or so. You're looking for any sign of intereston her part, a smileor 6'Hi" in return,plus the everreliablegoodvibes. "How's it goin'?" from her is great.But don't stopandtalk on level based your personaliwith her now. Replyon the same "Oh 'boutC plus,workingon a B. " Tomorrowor' ty. Mine is, even better, the day after, go back and, under any pretext, "Hi. I'm lookingfor relatedsaysomething, preferably business office. Do you know whereit is?" Jim Fulkerson's know, fine. Your response If shetellsyou, fine. If shedoesn't iSsimilar."Thanks,"or, "Oh well. I'll find him." Thenextend " your hand, "I'm Don, work over in dataprocessing. She'll you her name.Don't chatlong, moveor, you're and shake tell only slightly interested. 22, I noticedSuzanne, walking to her car in the parking lot *Hi' when passing I in the cafeteria. had smiledand said and She occasions. and someco-workers her in the hall on several werebullshittingin the aislewhenI wason my way to the third floor to seeGus. and saidto all three, "I can't find my way out of I stopped said, Suzanne to the this maze.Where's stairway thecafeteria?" myself and shookher "Follow me." On the way I introduced smalltalk. Two dayslater We hand.Shereciprocated. exchanged "had to" seeGus again.On the w&y, I went pasther cubicle I and chattedbriefly. and said "Hi. " On the way out I stopped Two You know, whereI worked,the dumbshitsin purchasing. chatslater we madea lunchdate. I run a sportsbettingpool at every opportunity.It givesme a reasonto introducemyself and to talk with her by trying to sell her a squareor a team. Later, I go back with a progress report or to let her know who won the "big bucks" and talk abouthow closeshecitmeto winning it all. WHERE SIIE WORKS to reason talk to her - waitress, She'swhereyou havesome storeclerk, tibrarian.Do the samethingsyou do at your office. to It takeslongerand comingup with something say is harder. and over. It makes Keep putting yourself in front of her over her feel sheknowsyou. It's easierfor her to talk with you if stranger. youorenot a complete

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Gina, 20, was the morning cashier at a coffee shop near my office. I had been going there for a month and although we'd only exchangedamenitiesmy eyes had said "What a tush. I'd love to eat you." Her eyes had said, "Maybe." I met her by saying, "Jesus, am I hung over," to her usual, "How y'doin t'day?" She gave me some aspirins from her purse and commiserated, relating she had one Friday. The next morning sheaskedif I'd recovered.We talked about drinking. I suggestedwe have one together. Two days later we met for a Margarita when she got off at three. She was not subtle. After asking how old I was she laughed and changedthe subject abruptly. With one more drink she confided she'd lusted after a 50 year old at her dad's company when she was 16. We lasted nine weeks. WEDDING RECEPTION OR PARTY The process is the same but compressed.She's going to be gone in a couple of hours. You must start faster, build faster and think of something to say faster. Startfasterby sayinga friendly "Hi" to eachandevery person you see from the time you park the car until you're situated where you can look for her. You're building a foundation to work from. This gives you the chanceto say later, "Hi. Saw you on the way in. I'm Don. Work with Jim, " or friend of the bride or went to school with Sally. Build faster by using this line to introduce yourself and have conversations with as many different people aspossible.You're setting it up to meet her. Keep it short and move on. The more people you meet the better your chances are. It makes no difference what sex or how old. When you seeher talking with one of thesepeople you'll be able to join their conversationmuch easier. [n fact, you might even get introduced.And, it's easierfor any of the sweetyoung things interestedin you to join a group you're in. They know the people you're talking to. In fact, you might even get introduced. Got it? Acknowledge her anytime you have the chance. Say "Hi," nod and smile on your way to or from the rest room, bar, kitchen, pool. You're just being friendly. Remember, these "Hi's" are first conversations. the sameas passingher desk It's

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at work or being her customer day in and day out. You won't conversation. be a strangerwhen you start the second onthisonewhen THE PHOTOGMPHER PLOY.I stumbled volunteering to take informal shots at a friend's wedding. love to havetheir picturetaken,period, Domatterhow Females much they protest. to Takea camera partiesandweddings.Don't be an obvious assand only take photosof the girls. Shootlots of picturesof to It everyone. givesyou a chance meetandtalk with evenmore guests. When a youngwoman'sin a shotaskher, "Would you like to on e?' get copiesof thes Depending her reply you haveoptions. including tone of voice and body language, Her response, to translates "Jam it, old man.' You s&Y,"Jim'll havethem, your mind.' (Adios, bitch.) if probablySaturday you change If she radiates moderate interest with her words and non-verbal signals, you s&Y, "They'll probably be done, (Smile, offer your hand.)I'm Don, friend of the Wednesday. 'When you shake hands,her vibrationswill let you know " bride. (Adios, bitch) or if you say what'sjust below, if you tell her when the signalsare positive. "Gee,you're SaY, eyes Shereplies,"Sure!' andhersparkling *Let'Sfuck!" Not drifting off, right? kindacute.' You SaY, Okay. You really say the sitmething, "They'll probablybe (Smile, offer your hand.)I'm Don, friend done, Wednesday. handsnoticeif her vibrationsmatch of thebride." As you shake what you think shesaidwithout words. Whenthey do, respond with, "Nice to meetyou Debbie.I work in Anatreim,live over in Whittier," and wait. You just put the ball in her court. she's so new at this she doesn'tnoticethe ball Sometimes she'sseeingif you're nuts are comeover the net. Sometimes you're so excitedyou don't asbig ils you're mouth.Sometimes game,after a couple there.Like a chess seeher Daddystanding optionsate endless. of movesthe In the nameof optimismlet's pretendshesays,"Oh yeah? card, business " I live in Fullerton. Hand her your interesting say, "Here's my number. Call me at work. I'll meet you Okay?"Leave. or withthemon Thursday whenever. somewhere half an hour. Talk with her. Dancewith her. See Go back in a what "develops."Yuk, yuk.

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THE DO-YOU-KNOW-HIM GAMBIT. Here's another wonderful methodI discovered accident.Siruateyourself by whereyou canconfidentially to her, "Do you knowthatbald say guy's name?I've met him, can't remember.Don't want to embarrass myself.' If shedoes knowor doesn't, thankher, then moveon to thebaldguy. Partwith, "Wish me luck." See, just like at the office. Move on now, comeback later. I've usedthis to get her to noticeme and as an openerafter signsof interest from her. You can't lose.It's innocent looking and sounding. She feels empathy. Everyone's forgotten somebody's name.You havea reasonto move otr, leavingto talk to the bald guy. And, you havethe perfectexcuse talk to with her again.She'swonders how it went with the bald guy, soyou go backandreport,right?It worksat anygathering, wet or dry but wait awhileif peoplearedrinkitrg,boozeloosens her up and stiffensyour spine. CLASS OR CLT]B MEETING The principlesare the sameas meetingher at your office. She'sgoingto be there,sogo slow. Let her knowyou're aware of her existence acknowledge Justsay"Hi" andnotmuch and it. else. Don't appearto be anythingbut friendly and slightly interested. discreet front of anyone Be in else. Let her become usedto you. Get to know otherpeoplefirst. She'll feel lessthreatened threeor four peopleare going to if thestudent unionfor coffeeat breakor to therestaurant-bar after the meeting. Getonthesame subcommittee student or projectwithoutbeing blatantly noticeable.When the situationis right, under any pretext,ideallyclassor club related,startthe second conversation. Remember shake handandintroduce to her yourselfa few minutesinto it. YOI]R ATTITI.]DE WHEN MEETING IIER This sound familiar?She'sdrawnby indifference, feignedor real. You're friendly, not dangerous somewhat and interested, aloof but possible, sheplaysher cardsright. "I am the catch if here,not you. I'm not goingto chase you." WHAT TO DO WIIEN MEETING IIER When introducedor when introducingyourself extendyour hand,shake handfirmly, look her in the eyesandsmile.Be her alive. Laughand relax. Seriousis not attractive the young. to

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In Californiapeople under25 areon a first nilmebasis.I don't know aboutelsewhere here it's uncool to ask for or use a but last nameearly on. I don't like it. I confonn. After a few minutesof talk, compliment on anythingyou her genuinelylike or admireabouther, especially clothing and her accessories, her great tits. This has to be real or you're not dismissed a bullshitartist.Praisingsomething chose,like she as a braceletor her shoesis the best. Everybodytells her shehas beautiful eyes. You're different. Only one complimentper though,/ou're only mildly interested. conversation ON SIIAKING HAI\DS Shakingher hand makesyou different from the boys and youngmenwho nod andsmilewhenmeetingher. Sheinstantly knowsyou're in anothercategory,"Men." as A ton of real data is exchanged you two touch for these What you learn is gut knowledge.She can't three seconds. and bullshit your stomach you're a fool to ignoreits judgement be her eyes rnd, for a few seconds, rnrlnerable. of her. Look into Let her seeyou. Seeinto her. It confirmsor deniesyour other of impressions her. If you know what she's really like, as to to opposed what she appears be, you're way aheadof any and approach around.You canadjustyour courtship competition paceaccordingly. when Althoughsomeof theyoungeronesarea bit disoriented you offer your hand, they quickly recover and reciprocate. as manner,sometimes a sexual it's Sometimes in a submissive as sometimes the openingmove in a gameof Rapoand equal, like bore. sometimes a dead-pussied I've savedmyself far more than the price of a drink by excusingmyself at the earliestopportunityafter shakinghands in with someof them.I'm not interested gameplayersor teases. looking beautynrrnedout to be nothing but One sophisticated I a shy, frighteneddoe. Not my t)rpeat all. On two occasions based One of wasableto skip ninetypercent Phase preliminaries eachother in this only on the sparksthat flew whenwe grasped manner. socially acceptable Carla told ffie, a month into our affair, she had beenquite impressed, felt so ladylike." Not one was ever repelled. "I

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OF MEBTING TIIE TEN COMTS you are from the beginning.Never Showher how discreet elsefor that makemoveson her in front of her peersor anyone she'sgot in her. Don't matter,ro matterhow muchchampagne comeon so low key or so aloof anddistantshefinds you cold be cannot stuffy. Readthese You absolutely anduninteresting. of slowly. Think aboutall theimplications each commandments of Commandments Courtship. are one.These not like theEleven You can't breakevenoneof these. I. II. III. IV. V. VI. VII. VIII. IX. X. Thou shaltnot stareat her tits or ass Thou shaltnot mentionthe ex or children Thou shaltnot look at other females Thou shaltnot talk over or down to her Thou shaltnot be slick and smooth Thou shaltnot be negative cynical or Thou shaltnot mentionsex Thou shaltnot ask aboutboyfriends Thou shaltnot touch, exceptto shakehands Thou shaltnot indicatea standing interestin her.

FOR THOSE OF YOU WITH STEEL BALLS To meeta reallygoodlookingone,remember she's being"hit on" all the time. She'sso usedto flatterythe man or boy who compliments makesno impact.She'sboredwith the same her old shit when someone's trying to pick her up. She has no respect for them. They try so hard or kiss her ass. left Use a different approach, that rattlesher confidence and one causes doubtof her lofty status. hershehastheugliestshoes Tell you've ever seenand walk away. The next time you go back you'll haveher attention.Play it by ear. Your only chanceis to blasther andshake herdefenses you canpenetrate them, up so and her, later. You havenothingto lose. It doesn'thaveto be shoes,it could be an ugly ring, hair piece,anythingthat's out of place.Don't criticizeanythingshe can't change, nose,her fingers. her It won't do any goodto say, "You're so pretty,but you ruin " Thoseare it all with thoseugly shoes. To the point. "Jesus! " ugly shoes.

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You knowhow to find her andmeether. But you've onlyjust 'We begun. homosapiens conduct courtships with conversaour tions. It's time to Talk WithHer.

begin, Oncenegotiations

it's onlya mntterof timc

before castle walls crumble
or mnidenhead breached.
CHURCHILL

SINGLE MALE, explaining*them" to the authorcirca '79

Whena girl soysyes, she meansmnybe. yes. Whenshesaysfto, shemeans Whenshesaysmaybe,she meansno.

Talk With Her

The first conversation only to show her you're safe and is (A interesting. second, important purpose to makecertain but is sheisn't a SWAT teammember's friend.) Your goal in all girl subsequent conversations to let her seeyou're an attractive, is discreetman, someone would be fun to havean affair with. it WALK A IVTILEIN IMR SHOES You're 20 yearsold, make$5 an hour andlive at home.The world you live in revolves around friends,college partying. and Your oldestfriend is 24. Self esteem derivedfrom your car, is your clothes,how *cool" your friendsthink you areand your girl friend's appearance. Seven differentgirls havebeenout with you, the oldestwas 20. You got hand jobs from four, French kisses and titty squeezes from all and "did it" with three. one was Rosy Roundheels, other two were steadygirl friends. the You haveno ideawhatyou'll be doinga weekfrom now, let alonetwo monthsfrom now. In the backof your mind you plan to marry before reaching30. You're a coupleof beersinto it at a gatheringwhere there are peopleof all ages,soy a weddingreception.Three of your buddies are standing right over there, beside your uptight parents.Your girl friend's over there, about 2A feet away, dancingwith her brother. An attractivewomanof 40 extends her hand, introduces herself and startstalking with you. How

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do you want the woman to behavein this situation?Got the picture? At 2A yearsof ageyou want the s,rme thingsfrom her as the young woman you approachwants from you: (1) Don't be pushy,I'm not goodat tellingpeopleto buzz off. (2) Don't be obvious,althoughI may be interested, don't want everyone I in the room to know. (3) Realize I've neverdone I'm scared, you asvery powerful this beforeand evenif it's exciting,I see you're a grown-up.(4) Be casual, friendly anddangerousJeez, . and relaxed,it'll help me stay that way. Don't show you're nervous, it makes me nervous. (5) Keep the conversation superficial,further into it, leave a few openingsfor me to tactfully indicatehow we're doing and if I want to continueor not. (6) Lateror, whenI'm moresureof myself,don't askfor to too much. Give me room to maneuver saveface, mine and (7) Don't act like an asshole I turn you down, you yours. if this. started ON NOT BEING DIRECT obliquely during the early All young adults conrmunicate it phases courtship.If you're straightforward throwsoff her of her, and makesher feel you're timing as well as disorienting you skillsn' not playingby the rules.Forgetthe "communication or learnedfrom your marriagecounselor therapist.They are completelyineffectivein the singleworld. At a minimum,direct talk makesher think you're out of it, whenyou're comfortable with each or crary. After a few dates other, you can graduallystartbeing more to the point, but in thebeginning,indirectexchange informationis the only way of to fly. it them Singlepeoplearenot directfor two reasons: protects from the humiliation of rejection if the other person isn't interested and, indirectness makesit possibleto use the other personwithout the risk of emotionalinvolvement. gameplayer.She'strying to protect Everyone a suspected is herself.Hey, too bad,that'show it really is. I didn't makethe playingby: All's fair in love andwar. rule everybody's DYNAIVilCS OF FIRST COIYVERSATIONS In the gameof backgammon, openingmovesare so crucial It's in is the outcome oftendecided thirty seconds. the samein

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this g:tme.When you do and say the right thingsin the critical first moments,the moments turn into minutes.The longer you sustaincontact,the easierit is for her to seeyou're safe, then interesting.Only after that, can shefind you attractive. Once she'sdecidedyou're not a threat, she checksyou out physically.If you're slim andtrim, dressed anddon't break well any of the Ten Comnrandments Meetitrg,threeminuteslater of she'sdecidingif you're a playboy.If you've donenothingand said nothing to leadher to believethat, she's wonderingwhat you'd be like in bed and considering it. She'shadfew opportunities be pickedup by an older man to who wasn't an obviousdirty old tnan. After a few minutesshe knows that's exactly what you're trying to do. But, she's wondering why you're talking to her. She is confused,not realizinghow attractiveand exciting sheis to a lnan. As you interactemotionalvibes and signalsare exchanged. The longer you talk the better,up to a point. Five minutesinto the first conversation,it's time to move orn for awhile. Remember,to strongly attract her you must have the right attitude.Demonstrate you're only slightly interested walking by away. ONLY WIIEN SIIE'S INIERESIED Either you say something shedoes.If shesayssomething or first it's nearly impossible messup. to I've learnedto go first only when she's shown interest,a smile,sustained contact," accidently"touching preening eye he, afterlookingmy way, breaking eyecontact lookingdown her by irntead of aw&y,facing me with her body while talking with someone else, et al. Readyour body language books, you'll know when she'sconsidering mustache ride. a A few moments after you seeshe'sinterested, only after and she's interested,get your ass over there and say something beforeyou talk yourselfout of it. I start thinking aboutall the bad thingsthat could happen, then all the reasons isn't that she attractive,why the other one's more interested, bla, bla, bla. If I "JustDo It" anddon't think, analyze worry, it getsdone. or OPEI\ING LIIYES There's a knock at the door. You're not expecting anyone. You answerit andfind a smiling, well dressed youngmanwith

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you doorandhands a brochure, the He a briefcase. opens screen a "Hi. I'm Dick Brain. We're conducting suryeyin spewing, and your neighbo.."You cut him off, "Not interested," close with you, a manwho's heard the door. The boy hadno chance manytimesbefore,right? bullshit openings don'tuseoneof those"clever" DiscoDick For Christ'ssake lines from the bar scene,"Want to comeover to my placeand like look at the ceiling?" Something that confirmsher darkest of suspicions older men andyou. What's your major?Do you comehere What's your name? before?That dimple on I seenyou somewhere often?Haven't Thoseare high schooland your left knee!You're a Scorpio? from boy lines.You're a man. Showher the difference college the git go. different from a man. She certainly She wants something you to be obvious.Shewantsyou to be graceful doesn'twant that can only be taken as friendly and oblique. Say something but casualinterestin her as a humanbeing. REAL WORLD EXAMPLES city Sonia,!9, assistant, library, after goodeye contacton acrossa week. I askedher to run my card three occasions I through the computer,pretending couldn't rememberif I'd had a collegesweatshirt on. brought all the booksback. She I "You going to Cal StateFullertor, Library Science? went there,English.Easy,you know." on aftergoodeyecontact a Donna,18, coffeeshopcashier, decalsand Shehad Rolling Stones daily basisfor two weeks. o'Saw your all bumperstickers overher VW. As I paidmy bill, concert. fan. I'm stickers. a Stones Couldn'tmakethecoliseum Had to work. D'you go?" in Angie,24, print clerk at a company the samebuilding as over a week'stime. Shewas in the me, after goodeyecontact day I did. *Hi. We started personnel office hiring in the same day the same lastweek.(Offeringmy hand.)I'm Don. How do you like it so far?" aftergoodeyecontact reception, Jean,18, girl at a wedding noticing her listening in on some of my over an hour and I conversations. butted into one of hers, "Get all the student if you grants can.Lie on theapplication you haveto. You'll pay in it all backto the bastards taxesafter you graduate."

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Suzie, 22, accounting clerk at a company,after great eye contact over two weeks in the cafeteria. She was sitting "accidentally"two tables awaylookingat me. I lookedright at herandbit my applelike I waseating her. Shelaughed. walked I up to her in theparkinglot afterwork. *Hi. (Offeringmy hand.) I'm Don. I'd like to meetyou." Kerri ,22, day waitress, thebar asa customer evening at one after serving me a few days before. *You're really a good lookingwomanwhenyou don't haveonthatpolyesteruniform. " Deanne computer programmer a company, at aftergood ,2L, eyecontactanda smilefrom her the day before.I wasdriving to anotherbuilding and saw her walking but talked myself out of stopping. wascomingup thesteps I wasleaving."You She as walked over here in that heat?I was going to stopbut figured you must'abeengoingto 207. Sorry." Margie, 19, girl at mixed ageparty, mild eye contactfrom time to time. I was working on a buzz, waiting in the kitchen for her to comenearme. "Hi. I'm Mike's volley ball friend. (Offering my hand.)Don. You work at his office?" The buzz providedthe courage, the way. by Start it off differently. Keep it going by stayingdifferent. Different works. TALKING WITH IIER TIM FIRST TIME If you're not formally introduced therearethreekindsof first conversations, arranged easiest impossible: to She'll be theretomorrow. She'll be therefor a few hours. She'll be goneunlessyou say something. I coverthe first two. Buy anothercopyof Weber'sbook for sure-firemethods pick up chicksanywhere. to Let's stayat the weddingreception whereyou walkeda mile in her shoes,so you'[ remember what shewantsfrom you as you talk with her. AFTER INTRODUCINGYOURSELF.Thefirsttopic is how you andsheknow thebride or groom.You go first andtell her. If shedoesn'treciprocate, something s&y like, "You know Sally from college?" The youngwoman'scold!? Hey! You were supposed be to talking with her only if sheshowedinterestin you. Go over to

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up thebar, look in themirror. See,your head's your ass.From signsof now on only talk with her if you two haveexchanged interest. Okay, from thetop. The first topic is how you andsheknow the bride or groom. You go first and tell her. If shedoesn't e?" like, say reciprocate, something "YouknowSallyfromcolleg get pastthesefirst You This stepis necessary. haveto help her she few moments.Give her something can handleeasily, ro matterhow arxious sheis. It makesno differencewhat she says, you respondwith yourself." Ohyeatr? knownSallyfor three I've about information volley ball teamasole Roger,over years.Shewason the same there,andme. You play volley ball?" just pictureyou took, after whose She's like theyoungwoman the openingmovesthe optionsare infinite. The key is giving her information about you, so she'll feel free to give you to abouther, thenyou'll havesomething talk about. information " You can say "Nice reception,great band. Or, "Great , statements " we're having. It's safe,not helpful.These weather as areusefulwhenyour brain freezes, it will from time to time. You have to defrost it quickly though and get back to yourself."Seen RoadWarrior III? I liked it, but I kept revealing 'What's Tina Turner doing dressed like up sayingto myself that?"' Or, "Sally andAllan alwayscometo my annualRaider Party. Shedoesn'tlike footballbut lovesto party, ffie too. You like pro football?" What do you do, right now, when talking with womenthe first time?This isn't muchdifferentonceyou get pastthe first yourselffirst, then minuteby helpingher. The key is revealing giving her the chance do likewise, "You know Sally from to college?""You play volley ball?" "You like pro football?" Only show your interest non-verbally so she can reply non-verbally, that way no one's afraid of beingrejected. movies,television yourselfwith safetopics- recent Reveal Hawaii,skiing,backpacking, drinking,parties, colleges, shows, cars, sport teams, the beach, weather,where you've been recently,or are aboutto go. just like the girl you met at the office, you talk briefly, She's right? Excuse then move on. You're only slightly interested,

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yourselfandgo to the restroom, get a hold of yourself.Let the champagne loosenher up. SECOT{DCOIWERSATIONS AND BEYOIYD At this reception comebackfor moreafteryou wanderaround andmakecertainyou're notmissinganyone better.Translation: a few yearsolder. Stopandta.lkto that stunning yearold in 35 the red dress.Showthe youngwomenwhatthey'reup against, it makesthem try harder. You may not evenhaveto go back to the one you just left. Onceshefeelscompetitive might she cometo you. Silly games, right?But oh so necessary. The purposeof the second conversation . . This is a test. . Flip back to the first paragraph this chapterif you don't of remember. Okay, we're going to stay at the reception. When you can weaveit in without being obvious,disclose yourself single available, as and "WhenI gotdivorced, bla." bla "My ex-girl friend usedto, bla bla." Don't follow my advice blindly, follow your instincts. Remember being able to back there in Court Her I mentioned skip PhaseOne preliminariesbasedon a hand shake?If she wantsto smokea hooter in the parking lot three minutesinto the second conversation, discreet,but get on with it. be TACTICS. You have to show interestin her. Not strong, direct interest, as it makesher pants wet, the wrong way. here.Too much Remember, casual. You're walkinga thin edge indifferencemakesher lose interestand quit trying, too much interestmakesher hesitate from fear or makesher feel she's alreadygot you. You want her to wonderand not be sure of herself. feel Some thatby just talkingwith you andbeingfriendly they you. Whenyou don't showsome interest her she's in arechasing you're really humiliated,the end. With others,oncethey see interested,they write you off as a pushover.All this was explained inThe RightAnftudeand CourtHer. Whenin doubt, re-read. In generalit's bestto makeher feel like shehasto try harder to get you to makeyour move. It makesher shit or get off the pot andkeeps guessitrg, well asthinking aboutyou when her as you're not around.The bestcourseto follow is showingbrief flashes intense sexualandromanticinterest.Not with words, of

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right? Separatethese with long periods of being nice but relativelyaloof. Be meanoncein awhile.Throw in a few digs to irritate her, too. This upsetsher balanceand breaks her flirting. harmless in, rhythm of engaging what sheconsiders, betweentalking with her and talking with a The difference womanis, slow andeasy'sneverwrong. With a wonranit can be fatal. aboutyourselfare best, followedby a question. Statements questions carefully.Don't seemnosyor trying to find But ask child molester.She out where she lives. You're a suspected doesn'twant you following her home, at leastnot yet. More aboutthis delicatetopic in a few paragraphs. WHA'T TO TALK ABOUT bill. Remember in. Anythingshe'sinterested Not thenewtiuK but Keepthetopicssuperficial show in her shoes? walkinga mile That's to reciprocate. yourself,give her plentyof opportunities is what verbal intercourse all about. andthird conversations. Revealmore of yourselfin second et of music,cars,clothes,food, restaurants, al you What kind if the time is right, revealwhat you like. Later, or, evennow, like to do radically different from her boyfriend. you'vebeenor aregoingis alwaysgood places Talkingabout her. If you're able as you comeacross trying to impress unless her with all the places travel without trying to dazzle to discuss you havebeen,it is a good, safe,usefultopic. Shewantsto travel. Shehasno money.Her boyfriend'sidea on of travelis goingdownto SanOnofreandsleeping thebeach You're apotentialvehicle so he cansurf early in the morning. nitmes. sounding for visiting farawayplaceswith strange As always,you go first to find out if she'sgeographically too. Delicatelyweavein whereyou live and which desirable, town you work in. Justlike whenyou weretalkingwith Debbie when shewanteda photo, you're puttingthe ball in her court. to she'sattracted You,even Giving you this info is solidevidence " manner. Sheknowsit, now you if donein an "oh-by-the-way know it. Don't pushthis. Right now it's not import&rt,so don't blow or great. If not, wait a few sentences it. If she reciprocates, on. Don't put anypressure It canbedonewith grace paragraphs.

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andsubtleness, thata longdrive from whereyou live?" after "Is shementions whereshegoesto college,or works or plays. If that didn't get it out of her, I wait a while, then my phrasing is "So which town do you live in?" but only whenthe time is right. "'Wheredo you live?" is direct andmakesher stumble, aswell as feelingpressure. "You from aroundhere?"is a bush league,boy's move, demonstrating stronginteresttoo soon. Keep talking. Keep revealingyourself.Listen for anything shesaysthat makesit feasibleto suggest future contactfor any reason. Date Her, the nextchapter, In just how to do you'll see this but right now let's focuson why you're talkingwith her. At a weddingor party your primary goal is to haveher want to talk with you again,somewhere, somehow, some way - the partyyou'rethrowing weekhence, one Bruce's Ram-Raider bash Sunday night, lunch at the CharleyBrown's a coupleof miles from her office andyours on Tuesday. Endless semi-plausible reasons exist. LJse your big head. Your secondary goal is to get her away from here for any reason,a first date, so to speak.A run to the storefor more booze,cigarettes, somecoffeeto soberup, a musictapefrom her car to get morepeopledancing. Caution.Don't try for too much too soon. This is a young woman, not a woman. Remember Shelly! Let's suppose can't comeup with anythingthat's even you semi-plausible. Further,let's assume party is starting fade the to alongwith your chances settingup a third conversation of and you're at least60 percent certainshe'sinterested you. Now in what?Well, ffiYman, it's time for somesteelballs. Discretely andI meaninconspicuously, handher your interesting business cardandsay, "r've gottagetgoing.I enjoyed talkingwith you. Give me a call. Let's havea drink sometime " soon. Thenyou mustleave.The oddsof her callingare20 to 1, but a long shot is betterthan no shot. Beforegetting into second conversations when she'sgoing to be there tomorrow, and all other conversations, need you answers. ThIEVITABLE QITESTIONS- ETHICAL AhISWERS This is a recording.If gettinglaid is your motive, put on a weddingring and act marriedor get a younghooker.

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Do not lie! Tell thetruth. If you lie she'llknow. If shedoesn't know, what the hell do you want with her? You're interested in havingan affair with a niceyoungwonurnwho likes you, not somedick you pretendto be. she'sinterested, The minuteshestartsaskingthesequestions attracted cornideringwhat it would be like to havean older and lover. The more of theseshe asks in any single meeting,the talks after more interested is. It usuallytakesfive separate she get through all of these. with her to the secondconversation Have your versions of my answersdown pat. Notice it's arrangedso what she asksis translatedinto what she means, likewisewith your answers. in Debbie.' How old areyou?['m interested you.l You.'Two years lie now. You'd go outwith olderthanMickJagger. [Don't him wouldn't you?l Debbie:How old, really?[f you're too old to marry me, I Jus' translation: wanna don't wanna waste time. Possible second know how old'a guy I'm goin' out with.] You: Forty six, going on twentyseven. ['m youngat heart.I don't lie, I tell thetruth.J Debbie.' you married?tI hopenot. This is lookingbetter.l Are You: Nope.Got divorced.You married? knowyou're not but tI let's seehow you handlethis first pass.I'll decidewhereto go after finding out.l Debbie.' you haveanychildren?[ hopenot but I suppose Do you do. Damn, what'll they think of me?l You: tlh huh, one. [Here'sa hardreturnto your backhand.Let's seewhatyou do now.J Debbie.' How old is he?[Please God,don't let him bemy age. Is he too old or too young to be a problem if we date?l You: She'sL7. ['m old enough be your dad. So what?] to Debbie: Does shelive with you? [ hopenot. I don' wanna haftameether. Gawd, what would I say?J You: Shelives with her Mom and stayswith me every other weekend.[Ain't no problembabe.l Debbie: How long you beendivorced?['m not so durnb. I readCosmo. are Guyswhojust gotdivorced trouble.lYoz; Five years.[Ain't no problembabe.] Debbie: Why'd you get divorced? [This is looking pretty

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good. You aren't a drunk or anythingare you?] You: Oh, you 'We just couldn'tget along. fl'm kindanormal.Ain't no know. problembabe.l Debbie: Are you going to get married again?[Are you one You: When of thosemid-life craziesI readaboutin Cosmo?J on I meet the right Girl. (Emphasis Girl.) It's not that great being single. f['m okay. Not one of thosecrazies.I've gone throughall that. And, I'm not breakingyour bubble.I you with If shesees somewhere a youngwomanor you'vetalked for with her oftenenough her to realizeyou dateyoungwomen, takesplace. this sequence Wasthat your girl friend with you at the restaurant? Debbie.' in thoughtyou were interested me.J You: Nope. Just a girl I girl friend. Don't like 'em, gets too I date. I don't have a just like to have fun and enjoy life. [Ain't no complicated, Well? Let's get problembabe.Now you reallyknowthe score. on with it.l How old is she? Debbis.' [Shelookedasyoungasme. Oh my in GawdlHe really is interested me.JYou: Deniceis L9. [Ain't no problembabe.J Debbie:Why do you datesuchyounggirls? ['d like to go out with you but isn't that sick?] You: I like young Women. (Emphasis TVomen.) on [Are you a Womanor just a little girl, afraid of a man?l Debbie: Why? ['m a little afraid, Yes,but I might take a You:They'rejust if chance you giveme a goodrationalizatroll.l in interested havingfun and enjoyinglife. They don't want to and getmarried,right now. [There'sa goodrationalization now you really know what I'm offering. Okay, babe?l comesup whetheror not Debbie this Sometimes next question you out with a young woman. The remainder of the saw comeup no matterwhat. questions 46 datedsomeone yearcold? What if your daughter Debbie.. to it's not so sickwill you let her do whatI'm about do?Pass [If to shelearned makeup her this test,Jackll You: I raisedher so

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she own mind abouteverything.Shedoeswhatever wants.She's prettysmart.Doesn'tdo drugs.Doesn'tdrink anddrive. I don't make rules for her. I think if my parentshad donethat with me I wouldn't havebeenso wild. [t's not sick, okay?] Debbie: When are you going to get married again?[Do you and I have a chanceof endtngup marrid?l You: When I meet on the right Girl. (Emphasis Girl.) [You may be the one. No your bubble.IJt's get on with it. promises.f'm not brealcing You're startingto soundlike a 27 year old.l 'What do you do? [Are you rich?] You: I'm in data Debbie.' processing. fl'm not sayinganythingaboutbucksuntil you learn I'm not gonnabe your sugardaddy.l Dehbie: Do you havea girl friend? II hopenot. Things get, up, like, you know, messed I'd feel like a homewrecker.l You: just Nope. Don't like 'em, getstoo complicated, like to have fun and enjoy life. [Ain't no problem babe. Now you really know the score.Well? Irt's get on with it.J Debhie.'But, I havea boyfriend?[Tell me it's okay to have a fling, please!It's not that bad to fool arounda little, is it?I You: I don't mind. [Not only is it okayto havea fling, it's great. I'm no jealousboy. Ain't no problembabe.l When I've talkedwith her correctlybeforeshestartsasking work abouthalf the time. The rest ffiy thesequestions, answers of the time eitherI pickedthe wrong oneor shedoesn'tlike the truth. I won't lie. I want to havea caring, romanticaffair with she her because likes rle, the real me. If you only want to get laid, call up one of thoseswinging singlesyou met on the way down the ageladder.That's all she brought complications the wants,too. You don't need horrendous on by lying, not to mentionhow little you'd think of yourself for using an innocenthumanbeing. She will be lied to soon enoughbut don't you be the one who makesher behavelike a fly. manipulative, ffigry, singles'bar I-etitcomefrom defensive, or Danny Manly, RandyRedPorsche SammySilverBeemer. she Whenyou don't getanywhere, didn't like thetruth or you Don't pickedthewrongoneor you need re-workyou answers. to start lying. Think aboutwhat you said. Think aboutwhat she was really asking.Figtrreout a way to keepyour integrity with

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a re-wordedanswer. Some versionwill work for you, half thetime, onceyou learn your mistakes. not lie. Thereason from Do you're doingall this is to date a young woman who likes you, not the nnn you pretend be. If you bullshither into datingyou, it won't make to you feel like a man. It will makeyou feel like a callousprick, which is what you are whenyou lie. She'sout there.Patience and honesty will find her. SECOI{D COIYVERSATIONS AI\D BEYOIYD WIIEN SIIE'LL BE TIIERE TOMORROW Connectwith the first conversation mentioninganything by shesaidthefirst time. If shetold you whereshewentto college, sayyou readin the sportspageUC SantaCruz is changingthe name it's teamto theFightingBanana of Slugs.If shementioned going to, tell her you heardit was a sellout a concertshewas or the reviewerdidn't like it or anythingyou know abouther world. Get the subtlemessage her headyou'vebeenthinking in abouther. FORBIDDEN TOPICS. Never, absolutelynever say "I'm nevergetting marriedagain.' Nevervolunteer you'redating that other females.Never knock marriageand children. Never be cynical aboutsuchthings until much later in the affair, like a year. during the early conversations. Don't bring Sex is verboten in for up thesubject anyfashion.Don't swear five conversations evenwhenshesays"fuck' everyotherword. You're different, remember. Don't respondin kind to her sexualinnuendos *dirty" or jokes.Change subject withoutmaking feelsheconrmitted her the afaw pas. Don't pretendyou're offendedas an attemptto be her funny. Shemay think shedid shockyou. That'll embarrass or makeher think you're "out of it.' joking aboutsexwith Deepdownshebelieves talking or even when her someone barelyknowsmakes a badgirl, especially she he's a grown-up. Although she wantsto know she can attract yoursor hers, a manit's too muchfor herto dealwith sexuality, early in the courtship. in At the sametime she'stestingto seeif you?reinterested her as a sex toy or as a person.Passthe test.

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After you two know eachother, sexcanbejoked about,then discussed, tactfully at first andlater, straightforwardly. this But is one early mistakeyou cannever, and I meannever, recover from. It's alwaysfatal. See"Foot In Mouth Stories' at the end of this chapter. Don'tbelittleherbeliefs,values Keepyourcynicism ortastes. to yourself.Don't makefun of how youngsheis. Don't mention or evenlook at anotherfemale. Fantasy, reality, is important.Talkingaboutor explaining not Supply SideEconomicsis certainto makeher face reality. Never ask how old sheis. If you askher, she'll askyou. It forcesthe agedifferenceissueinto the open.Shedoesnot want to admitshe's19. Shelikespretending. youngwomen Besides, perceive asfive or tenyearsyoungerif you're dressed you right. Let fantasyprevail. To anyone20 years old, something more than sevenyears ago is ancienthistory. Vietnamhappened the stone x9a,and in so did you, if you talk aboutthe bad old days. ALWAYS SAY. During eachconversation genuinely compliment her once, and only once,espcially on something othersdon't normally notice. Not her beautifulhair, not her beautifuleyes. Not her beautifulcomplexion.Maybeher teeth.But, if you can notice somethingthat revealsher personaltaste, she knows you're different, special. Her clothes, shoes,jewelry and accessories the ways shemakesa statement are aboutherself. DON'T ACT SAPERIOR. Don't actlike a parentor teacher giving advice,it only emphasizes agedifference.If sheasks the for advicelike she'd ask a good friend, carefully saywhat you think and talk with her as an equal. If she asks for advice indirectly,beg off or play dtrmb. Coming across like someonevastly superior to her in knowledgemakesher feel ignorant. Explain anythinglike it's simpleand only a matterof looking it up or knowing whereto look. You just happento know this because you read about it or do it for a living or whatever.Shecouldhaveknown it, too. Tactfully done,talking aboutsomething she'sasked aboutor wantsto learn aboutis dynamite.It clearly showshow much betteroff she'dbedatingyou in additiontoherboyfriend,who's only interested his car or how much beer he can drink at a in party.

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You wantherto comeawayfrom learningsomething thinkitrg, "Gee,he'sthekindaguyI'd like go outwith, learnhow to scuba " dive." As opposed "Wow, is he smart. to, HAMOR IS DAI{GEROUS.Humor canbe.an whenyou ally useit to showyou're not a serious fart. Laughing yourself at old is best.Beingsilly andjoking aroundto pokefun at life andthe absurdityof it all is pretty safe. But to attemptmaking a point with humor is often deadly. wondering with how she'scomingacross, She'sconcerned that you don't want a if she's acting like a woman,unaware misses thejokeand, She's busyworrying, usually so she woman. of coursethe point. Then,eithershefeelsstupidor thinl$ you are. Fatal. car clothes, or anything Jokingabouther figure, appearance, risk. Young peopleare elseabouther is taking an unnecessary hurt far more abouttheir imageandgettheir feelings sosensitive easilythan old fools like you and me. being funny andbeing crudeto There is a fine line between a young female.Never attemptto be witty aboutsex. The girl attracted,can, who showedinterestandwas startingto become write you off asa dirty old manif you offend andwill, suddenly with onesentence. her. You canruinthreehoursof preliminaries This is a recording.You're different. You are a gentleman. SETTING IT UP TO DATE HER. The set up includes disclosingyou're singleand availablein the samemanneryou at conversation a party or wedding. usedduring the second includethinking of someway shecould do you Other setups with a WV convertible a favor. Like askingif sheknowsanyone onefor saleto tell you. Anythingto get for saleor if shesees her to think aboutyou whenyou're not there. a I let her know I work on cars as a hobby. Perhaps week later, or more, shemight ask me why her car keepsstallingat she'saskingme out. lights. I can assume What canyou do a youngwonrancan't?Hook up car stereos and recorders othermysterious videocassette andhomestereos, Can you do incometuc returns?I can edit electronicdevices? term papers.I rewrote one that led to a two and a half year job affair. Canyou get her a srunmer whereyou work? Think. you can do beforeyou meether. Make a list of what

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FIFTH COI{VERSATIONS AI{D BEYOI\D thingsyou like to do Continuerevealingyourself,especially in. she's nevertried and her boyfriend'snot interested Other than that, you only haveto talk abouttopics of interestto her. It's not muchdifferentfrom a womannow that she'sinterested. one interesting pageautobiograSit downandwrite a slanted, phy. Commit it to memory. She'll ask, probably after two aboutyou andyour history.On thefirst realdate, conversations like a pedigree.Don't she'll want to know details,somewhat that brag. Do say what you've accomplished you're proud of. yourdivorcehonestly withoutsadness and Be readyto discuss or regret in your eyes,tone of voice or on your face. If you can't do this, ]ou're not readyfor youngwomenno matterhow readyyou are in all other ways. Don't be afraid to say you've up. screwed It makesyou a humanbeing. But don't dwell on case.It took me two like a loseror a basket it andcomeacross years 96 tears 36 boutswith self pity and at least26 ruined , , first dateswith womenunder 30 beforeI was ready. ImR IID(ED I]P IIEAD, NOW She believesin boyfriend-girl friend, Jimmy and Debbie youngcouples arecheating who But, togetherforever. sheknows turn after only one year of marriage.She'sseenacquaintances into blimpsafter onechild anda yearof daytimetelevision.She knew a girl at collegewho "slept with' her Englishprof and wonders,now that you're in the picture, if it might be fun. It takestime for her to realize she can have fun and learn somethingwith you. If you try to be directly honestwith her beforeyou get to know her well, that is, until you've beento bedwith her numytimes,you will fail. Shedoesn'tknow what to do with straight talk. It is a foreign language her. She to communicates obliquelyandby implicatiotr,ffi mostpeopledo. You can't rushit. Shemovesat a paceshefeelscomfortable with. You can't level with her. You can't talk sense, makeher you'll get, *Oh, fer sure,on 'Days seewhat she'smissingor of Our Lives" and stuff, older men with girls but, you know, I don' know. Gee, gottago, pick up my brother. Seeya." Wait until she seesit for herself. She will, eventually,if you're patientandfun to talk with. Continue beingyourselfand acting like a man, not a boy, and she'll rcalize what she's until shesees missing.You're just beingfriendly andenjoyable

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the light. Then, when she doesgo out with you and realizes you're a fun date,you can relateto her like a 27 year old. of with the moral rightness datingyou. She She'sconcerned you dateyoung women. it expresses as a question,aboutwhy another.She You canpreventher askingthis oneby answering her mind open when she asksaboutyour marriage and leaves why it didn't work out. PLAI\TTING SEEDS early in the courtship.Later you'll Sowthis intellectualseed Evenif I bunftled into seeds. be ableto plantyour chromosome it by accident,it's worth a $1000,plus the price of this book. in Sendyour cashier'scheckto the address ClosingAdviceaboutwhathappened a question to I washonestlyresponding to my first marriage. In a long ranrbling answer covering I boredoffi,eachof us changingacrossthe years,&dnauseam,

We sideof the mountains. only went out with, well you know, just other young people. And when we got older we were fun, important." curious,felt like we'd missedsomething young women are curious aboutmarriage and ask intimate about cheating,sex frequency,kinky sex, what it's questions titceafter a coupleof years,what it's like to get divorced.They haven't met anyonewho would tatk frankly and openly about meetsopporhrnity. they want to know. Preparation something of factly. Your attitude is that sex is Discuss sex matter only after wonderful and natural. She asksintimatequestions shetrusts You, along aboutthe tenth conversation. plant this seed itself, Youwill reap presents whenthe opening *I've learned hard the thecomingmonths, in harvest anabundant you date.' It's usually haveto marry everyone way, you donnt a when shementions girl friend who's havinga hard time after breakingup with someone. *It's importantto jttst One moie seed.Say in plain English, come enjoylife ar6 havefun whenoneis young.Responsibilities her. Do this whentalking sobnenough.' But not to her or about aboutthe daughterof one of your friends quitting college.

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Drop subtlehints to get her thinking aboutthe advantages of older men, not you in particular.Suchas, what dicks young males are, how you used to f, t and f 'em, too. Or, how importantyou usedto think havinga cool car was. Think about jerk you were at Jimmy's age.That'll help. what a genuine FOOT IN MOIITTI STORIES Ginny was a surprisingfirst date. Shewore me out. I was astounded her ability anddesire.We hada second by datebetter than the first. A few dayslater we had lunch at her request. Obliquelyshewanted knowmy viewsonmarriage. to Directly I said, "I'm nevergettingmarriedagain. I didn't get to date " her again.Two months latershemarrieda blackjack dealershe had known for two weeks.Shegot divorcedin six months. I hadgottento know the22 yearold, beautifulDianethrough one of my friends who worked at the sirmerestaurant. When Dianefinishedearlywe would talk andplay backgammon while I waitedfor my friend. After severalevenings this acrosstwo weeksI askedher of to lunch. Sheoneuppedme and suggested movie. Shehad to a work Saturday night and Sunday, we left it at she'dcall me so Mondayand we'd figure it out from there. We kept playingandtalking aboutmenandlife andrelationshipsandmarriageandwaterskiing andsuch.Shelookedat me andsaidsuggestively, 'm not goingto bedwith you whenwe "f go out." The right response andis, "Okay." But [o, I was was working on abuzz,so I waswitty andclever, "Yeah right. Not until we're married, and laughed.So did she. " Shedidn't call. I wentto therestaurant asked something and if had come up. She said, *You just want to screw me." I responded, after a few moments recoverfrom the shock,"f 'd to like to get to know you." Shereplied, "I won't wastemy time with anyone who doesn'twantto get married. A three-second " remark destroyeda month's work. Drinking and driving is almostas dangerous drinking and talking. as Maybe you'll learn something, little, from my mistakes? a If so,)ou won't talk your wayout of a Dianebeforeyou've even hada chance. And you won't destroy potentiallygrandaffair the with a Ginny. Canyou learnfrom themistakes others? of We'll see,after you learn how to Date Her.

I don't cArewherewe go, I don't cArewhat we do, I don't carepretty baby,just take mc with you.
PRINCE

Let's spendthe night together.

MICK JAGGER

Date Her
What is a date?fire next-to-laststep of courtship.It's any in activity undertaken the pretextof havingfun, giving her time if or to decide,coruiciously subconsciously, she wantsyou to take the last step. her to time It tookpersistence, andpatience interest andprove yourself. Even now that she's attracted,more of the sameis her. requiredto reach,then take the last step, and penetrate WIMRE SIM'S COMING FROM and The oldestguy she'sdatedwas 28, RandyRedPorsche, you know how he treatedher. Shedoesn'twant tlrat happening again. Sheenjoystalking with you, flirting with you and seeslittle risk in being a casualfriend of yours or for liking you ils an person.But you're not a boy. You've readthis time interesting male. and time again, she seesyou ils a powerful, dangerous but, you is the big time. It's new, exciting, glamorous Dating "Gee, pretty scary,too, I don' know.' On a date she knows there will be a new role for her, one at radicallydifferentfrom theoneshe'sbeenptayrng your office or ather work acrossthe past weeksor months. She has no in to experience draw on andno confidence her ability to handle you. Shethinl$ you havea magic, slick way of gettingher on her back before she evenknows what happened.

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She'snotjust worriedaboutdealing with you, she'sthinking aboutthe consequences. "'Whatwill Debbiethink if I, for real, go out with him. What if we're seentogether? What if Jimmy finds out? What if? What if?' Shehasto answer questions those herself.Don't acknowledge them. Anticipateher concerns. Suggest datethat'll dispense a with most.You knowher. What'ssheworriedabout? Useyour big head. She'sstruggling against parents, everything church,society, boyfriendandgirl friendshavedrilled intothatprettyyounghead andheartof hers.It's nearlyimpossible her to makea date for with you, the first time. It's like a Hell's Angel askingyou to come over to his place for someanal sex. It usually takesa pseudo dateor two beforeshe'sreadyfor a realdate. ACCIDBNTAL OR PSEIJDODATES Ideally,thefirst date*just happens.' " Whenit "just happens, her resistance going out with someone can't marry is to she dissolved.She doesn't have to take responsibility,it 'Just happened. " Remember Freud'squote backinYourMotives? Thingsdon't really "just happer," now do they. Make it "just happen"the first time. "Just happen"to needa ride homefrom work, the club meetingor class."Just happen"to be at the sirmeparty. "Justhappen"to know how to hookup her stereoor adjusther carb. If you have a string of pearls,Katy at the coffee shop, Deniceat theprint shopandLaurie at the office, the opporhrnity for it to "just happen"is tripled. Whenit doesn't"just happr, thebestfirst dateis a pseudo " date,onesheviewsascompletely innocent, something she'ddo with a friend. To her, andanyone she'sworriedabout,it sounds like andlookslike she'sonly "going to do somethirg,"not go out. Shecantell herpeers aboutit withoutraisingtheireyebrows andher own suspicions. Evenif shesuspects, mostdo, shestill needs pretendit's not a date. to The purpose a pseudo of dateis for her to be with you in a new setting,enjoy herselfandbe attracted stronglyenoughto want a real date.The purpose real datesis for her to enjoy of herselfandbe attracted stronglyenough wantyou to takethe to last stepof courtship.

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DEFII\ING DATES A *real date" is when you suggest future get togethera meetingher for a drink, lunch, brunch or dinner, a game of tennis, racket ball or a bicycle ride. Teachingher how to do something, backgammon, tennis,scuba dive, ride a motorcycle, drive a stick shift. Taking her anywhere,beach, mountains, desert,a friend's pool, the movies,a conceft,a play, a Laker game,the ComedyStore,day skiing, dirt bike riding, evena ride to look at homesdecorated Christmas. for " A real dateisn't real if it just happens "spontaneously.For example,you *just happen"to be in the coffeeshopaboutthe contest time she'sgettingoff. Shementions homedecorating the going up to look the winners up in the heights.You suggest over, addingyou haveto back herein an hour. Then, you two go directly to her car (shefeelssafer,morein control)andleave. *Kinda dates"arewhensheasks you for a realdate.Thebest! how to do something from her is not a real date. Learning just showing you how to dive, play tennisor anything else She's youngteaching old. But you have wherethe rolesare reversed, to meether there, not takeher. And, when askingher to teach you, it cannotsound,look, smellor feel like you're askingher out. It 'Just happened.' "Pseudo dates"are- fixing her car, hookingup her stereo, helpingher move,editinghertermpaper,doingher incometax, working on a classor club project together,going out with a bunch of peoplefor a few after classor to lunch from work, maybehaving her help you pick out somenew clothesat the mall. Make these'Just happen,"too. PSEIJDO DATES to to The pseudodateappears help her or it appears be safe don't ask.'Bring your caroverto my house andfurl. Command, at 10 on Saturday.It soundslike somethingI can fix in 20 minutes."Or, *I'll hook it up for you, tonightabout7. Won't Maybethis, "I'm going up take long. What's your address?" to the college about 5 and shoot somebaskets.Come on up. I-et's seehow goodyou really are.' Whensheasksyou, don't be obviouslydelighted.Takeyour time. Pretendyou're thinking aboutit, then time limit it. For example,she asks, "Could you take a look at my car? It's making a funny noisewhen I put it in park.'

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You're response, aftermulling it over, considering you can if put RaquelWelch and LaurenHutton on hold is, "Yeah, but I can't tell much unlessI canjack it up and get under there. Bring it over whenyou get off. Here's my address. live just I up thestreeta few blocks.f 've got to go out at7, though. This " is from my real world, Janet lasted threemonths after ,20.We two falsestarts.Shewas skittish,I waspatient. Somegirls will shakethosetitties and ask you to work for them,thenhavenothingmore to do with you. Who cares? You didn't have much else to do on a Saturdaymorning. Getting taken is the only way you learn to tell the usersfrom the rest. YOUR ATTITADE WHEN SArcESTING A PSEUDO DATE. Relaxedand casual,one friend to another.It's not importantto you if it's yesor no. You're only commanding or suggesting "doingsomething, not asking for a date,sowho " her careswhat shesays.Whensteeled rejectiotr,you will be. for WhenSheDoesn'tAgree.If she's " busy,"no biggie. Maybe next week.Don't saythat,just radiateit. She'llsay"no" or "maybe"because toosoon it scares it's and her, or she'sjust not interested. Drop it. Talk aboutsomething else.By suggesting pseudo a datesheknowsyou're interested. By not persisting,show her you're not that interested. you If applypressure, she'll say "yes," thenstandyou up. Trying to talk her into it doesn'twork. It detracts from her imageof you. Any manwho's strongandpowerfuldoesn'thave to try. If you do, shefinds you lessattractive and it forcesher to facefacts:shewantsto dateyou. That'san issueshe'sbeen avoiditrg, subconsciously waiting for it to *just happen. If " you're patientit still mightbut if you push,you'll nevergetthat first datewith her, the one you've workedmonthsfor. Don't push. But guess what?A few hoursafter decliningshe'll tell one of her friendsyou askedher out. You're on her mind. She'll wonderwhat it wouldhavebeenlike to go out with a man. Self doubtbegins,can she"get you?" she's challenged. Don't goback to her for a week.You've got her right where you want,thinkingabout andhopingyou'll try again.Don't. you Just smile and be friendly, kinda happyto seeher. Shemust believe she's not going to get anotherchance.You're just

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friends.Talk aboutskiing or whereyou've beenon a trip. Ask her what she'sbeenup to. Now she really beginsto wonderif she's "got it. " Strange game? Yes. Necessary? Damnright. Be patientfor two weeks. Wait for her to ask you but use your big head, give her an opening.If shedoesn'task, go to the next pearl. Don't come back to this one for a couple of weeks,then be friendly but beg standoffish. hasto askyou or practically you to askher. She If it's absolutely thenbe indifferentto her necessnr!, command, you'vemetyour If answer. shemakes excuses, congratulations, first youngcock tease.There'll be more. HER ATTITADE ON A PSEaDO DATE. On somelevel and sheknowsit didn't 'Justhappen.' She'snervous on guard. This is much different from talking with you at the office, her work or after class. In the back of her headshestill thinl$ you may be the Night Stalkereven if she's gottento know you pretty well over the you past coupleof months.She'salso concerned may be just anotherdirty old man trying to screwher. She's new at this and feels pressure.She's never around anyoneover 28 unlessit's at work. She has no idea what to expect,has no idea how to behaveor what to say. To her, adultsdo that's different. The more attracted there'ssomething sheis, the moreexcited,but the moreworried aboutembarrassing herself. HOW TO BEIIAW ON A PSBUDO DATE. Keep it all If business. shecameover to haveyou look at her car, work on it. Offer her a beerif you're drinkingolle. Offer her another and Stayin thegarage don't try to move whenyou haveanother. into the house.If she endsup hangingout with you after the car'sdone,fine. finally, to showheryou'remuchmore You've gotthechance, interesting,far more fun andattractivethanany boy. Talk with her. Showyourself,your valuesandlife view. Plantthoseseeds itself or if you can tactfully create if the opportunitypresents the opening.Mention different things you like to do, unusual *safe"herboyfrierd Somettring places go, adult,fun activities. to would never do. A matineeplay, lunch at the Sherator,skeet shooting. Jimmy takes her to 5-keg parties, Stallone-kills-

DateHer

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everyonemovies, or for a really big thrill, to the Grand Prix up of Motocrossat the coliseum.Shewantsto get dressed and go out, like a woman. you'rewilling to betyour entire unless Don't makeanymoves future with her on it, not to mention all the time and energy 'sweep me you've put into this so far. Even if she'sradiating, off my feet,' nothingis lost by beingpatient.Shewouldn't be You've comethis far after six hereif you didn't havea chance. weeksof talking with her. Don't ruin it now by being a pushovgr. She'sprobablytestingyou to seeif you really area niceguy. her In that caseany passis the silmeas slapping face. If she's naive enoughto think you're only working on her car, making evena liule passis the sameas grabbingher tits. dates to let her seeyou're a man,much is The goalof pseudo she than boys, someone could have fun with, someone better she'dlike to date.Don't forgetit. REAL DATES _ DON'T ASK phrases: "Wouldyou like to, " use To kill your chances, these " don'taskpermission. "If you'renotbusy, "Canyou." Suggest, Lt "I like talking with you. Let's havebrunchSunday, Charlie positive. in charge here. You're Be Brown's." Makestatements. and Whenshehasotherplans,stayrelaxed confident.Remain cordial and friendly. There's tomorrow and a tomorrow after the that. If you've built the foundation, rest will follow. If you pressure she'll agreethen standyou up. her it's conversation too lateto suggest At the endof a sustained If a date. It must happen"naturally" during the conversation. you wait until she'sleaving,you look desperate, unattractive. a Do not, I sayagain,do not suggest dateon the first pseudo date.Let her go awayandthink to herself, "He's pretty cool, for being so old. I like him." After that soaksfor a coupleof days,talk with her underany pretext.Slow andeasy.Ask how the car's doing or the stereo's working. Seewhat the vibesare pseudo proceeding. second datemay be best. A like before pagesago? your unspoken Remember attinrdefrom seventy "Going out with me is natural. I'm attractedto you, you're to attracted me. You have a choice,a man or lots of boys.' You're relured. You know shewantsto go out with you, will

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go out with you, if you propositionher the right way. You'd like to dateher but you're not dying to. It would be cool but if shesays"no," it's not evena slightripple in your world. FIRST DAIES the across past Use your big head.What hasshementioned a Suggestingdrink is fine. It's not muchto askfor, two months? her it's got a built-in time limit andit makes feel grownup. But if you think she'sstill arxious, neutralturf makesit easierfor her to accept.Sheknowsbarsand clubs areyour territory. her do Lunchat thepark, like adults it impresses andshefeels from distant nota girl. There,you'rebothequally like a woman, home base. No one is too defensive.But it's more of a you add, "I've got to be backby 2." You unless commitment only needan hour, the first time. hotel is great, if during the Sundaybrunch at an expensive at it's suggestion clearyou haveto be somewhere 3 PM. This puts on the time limit, making it easierto accept. A dinnerdateis evena bit muchfor a womanto bite off. It impliesdinnerand. Saveit for third or forth dates. Shehasto be on guard.Suggesting Your placeis verboten. her placemakesher think you're married.She'snot so dumb, shereadsCosmopolitan. HERATWTADE ON T'HEFIRSTDATE. You're something brand new to her. She'sbeenout with a boy or a young man of hundreds timesbut nevera man.To her, it's like thefirst date with Jimmy whenhe took her to theprom in his dad'scar. She didn't know what to do then, she'snot sure what to do llow. You're that different.
It's exciting and scary. Shedoesn't want to look like a foolish little girl in front of a man. She's afraid you'll laugh at her or pull some smooth maneuver and screw her. The younger she is, the more likely it is she will stand you up. She gets scared at the last minute and is too ashamedto call and tell the truth or to even lie. More later on handling this cornmon occurrence. She's not like her 27 year old counterparts.She doesn't want to hurry into the bedroom on the first date. She has to have, and needsall the preliminaries. She does not want to be a notch on another RedPorsche's gun and she isn't interested in putting a 43 year old notch on her gutr, like some 30 year olds.

Date Her

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YOARATTITUDE ON THE FINSTDATE. FirstdatesArE tensetimes for everyoneof any age.She'sespeciallyuptight to old beingwith someone enough beherfather.Don't talk about the age differenceunlessshe forcesthe issuedirectly. It does not exist. to It is asnaturalassunrise be out with you. Thereis nothing unusualaboutthis date. Don't ptan and scheme.Let things happennaturally. Just enjoy her company.The more reluredyou are, the more she'll her. Be yourself.Expectnothing. relax. Don't try to impress Therehavebeenseveralyoungwomenwho havecomeover to my place "just for a drink" andpulverizd my pelvis. That. thinking andhopingit would. As after I stopped only happened I preach, it wtrs her idea. I was surprisedevery time. Expect nothing. your place. That's Yeah, I know I told you not to suggest during the first two yearsat this. After that you'll haveenough confidenceto pull it off. Want to seeif I'm right? Go ahead punk, makemy day! Bet eight hard weeksof work on a three" ten-word'suggestion. second dates YOURHEAD ON THE FIRSTDATE. This appliesto evenfifth and eighth, evenpseudodates.A high spermcount dramatically interferes with everything you try to do. If necess , takemattersinto your own handbeforethe first date. ?r! boredomor lack of sobriefyalsopreventyou from Loneliness, too I doingtheright thingsat therightmoments. guarantee much point. Control prevents correctdecisions eachturning at booze thyself. unableto read More thanthreedrinksandI'm too aggressive, I usuallydon't haveenough her correctly. Absolutelystraight, the steel in my balls to even suggest first date. Building my "confidence"with Shellyhelpedme beginto know myself, and how! Know thyself. HOW TO BBIIAW ON THB FIkST DATE. Be prompt aboutpicking her up or meetingher. Haveher homewhen you said you would. Don't get swept up in the whole thing. you're a gentleman. Keep your wits aboutyou. Demonstrate Don't drink too much and get loose.

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Tactfully control her intake. She's scared,using Dutch courage, too. If shegetsplowedthat will be the end. The next dayshe'llremember, "My gawd.I pukedin his newJag. She'll " judge herselfthe complete asshole. biggestfear cametrue. Her In front of a man, shebehaved a naivelittle fool. She'll be like so ashamed she'll neverseeyou again.This happened that to me twice, not in a new Jag(damn!)but it ruinedeverything all the sulme. No No's. Don't talk aboutsex,your childrer, ex-wife,what a shit your bossis. Don't be impatient with otherdrivers,slow waitersor becynicalabout life. No nostalgia trips about 60's the or 50's. No flowersor gifts. No blatantflirting with her. No, absolutely lookingat otherfemales. questions ro, No regarding boyfriendstatus. No matter what happens, don't be a pushover.This is a recording.You're only moderately interested. YesYes's.Touchher at everysociallyacceptable opporhrnity from thefirst to lastmoment, helping with hersweater, admiring (carefulBuddy!) her ring or finger nails, bracelet,necklace Patting her on the back for a great joke or other excuse. period.Shecantouchyou. no Otherwise, touching, lightcigarettes, Open doors, orderfor her,walkontheoutside andothergentlemanly only behavior. She'lllove it. Otherwise, attentiveness. moderate Keepthis affair out of the shitter! No You her. acconrmodating. makethedecisions withoutconsulting Be a man. Be in charge. Champagne fun and exotic. He drinks beer. Openinga is second Don't cause to think, "He's trying bottleis obvious. her to get me drunk so he cantake advantage me. Mother told of guyslike this." Therearebig, notblatantly meabout big, bottles picnic,beach of champagne,.5 liters.Buyonefor thefirst-date 1 you concoct. trip or whatever Talking. Keep the conversation light and pleasant.Avoid your likesanddislikes movies, in controversial subjects. Reveal food,travel,drinks,games, such.Ask her about tv, sports, and similar subjects. Arranginga second dateis mucheasierif you find out whereyou two fit togetherother than anatomically. thingsyou like to do andplaces Work into the conversation questions, you like to go. Whenshereciprocates, some ask then add, "That sounds like it might be fun. Let's go there some-

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time,' andseewhat her reactionis. Don't firm it up evenwhen she'svery positive.Wait. you If sheknowshow to do something don't, seeif she'dlike to teach you, *sometime.' If she knows of an interesting *sometime.' agains&/, "it mightbe fun' to go there restaurant, Seaing Up A Secondl)ate. If sheasksyou, with a time and and dry, fine, she'smatureandserious.Go atread makea date. like ftin. I-et But when sheasksin general,sry, "That sounds you.' I'll me checkmy schedule. call or to Don't appear haveanopencalendar to be willingto shift things arourd to fit her offer. You're a man, a busy grown-up doing grown-upthings.You're powerful. You don't accommodate (soundslike?) your life to a young woman's schedule. You're the catchhere. Got it? I ended with mattersin my own handeverytime I've said, up *When can we get togetheragain?' or, "When will I seeyou again?' and even, '[-et's do this again,soon.' I.et her know beingwith her. Don't in plain Englishyou hadfun ander$oyed date. a suggest second A SECOND DATE, I\,IAYBE wait a few days, then beensemi-sotup, Even if something's call andtalk for a while. Seehow the vibrationsare. If they're date.If positiveor neutral,suggest, don't ask, a non-romantic she'snegative,shineit andwait for her to call you and ask for a date.It'll be a long wait, like the rest of your life. After the first date, it's the sirmeas with a woman. If she doesn'twant to go out with you again,shewon't. There is this difference,a youngwonurnhasto dealwith her guilt for going out with you, someone enoughto be her father and for old cheatingon Jimmy. There's not much you can say or do, she feelsguilty, period. For her to want a second datewith you, the first datehasto You wanther to think, be a greatexperience. Havefun together. "Gee, I went out with a man! It was fun, not perverted.He's goesto cool places.Wonderwhy he didn't eventry to kiss me good night?Maybehe doesn'tlike me." WIIAT GOES WRONG BBFORE TIIE FIRST DATE boyfriendbut shewantsto go out with Julie hasa sometimes girls who work with her and who know me me. The other

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encourage to "go for it. " We were going to get together her tonightanddo someslammers. saidshe'dcall after taking She her motherto the airport. Shedidn't. Two yearsbackI would havebeenon the phonea half an hour ago. Now, I'm goingto finish this paragraph, havea beerand watch "sports Center. " No matterwhatthesongsays,you still havetime for thewaiting gilme, evenin September. I should haveknown.Shecouldn'thave,withpre-meditation, come over here after taking her mother to the airport. She wouldn't haveto go home.Evenif shedid wantto wearme out on the first date,shewantsit to "just happen. Planningit and " schedulingit makesit too real. Seewhat I mean about not your place?I shouldknow better!I wrote the book. suggesting I'll move on down my string of pearls and wait for my subconscious figure out a way to makemy first datewith Julie to "just happen. " There'ssucha thingaswaitingtoo long. Youngwomenhave like short attentionspans.Threedaysto an 18 year old seems trying. After tendays threeweeks us. Youngmales always to are pearlon her string, too. you're history. You wereonly another If shesaidshe'dcall anddidn't, wait a coupleof days.Call If her. Be pleasant casual.Wait for an explanation. one is and not forthcoming,moveon to the nextpearl. NothingI've done is effectivewhenshedoesn'thold up her endof an agreement. She'stoo afraid to dateyou. There'snothingyou can do to Revieweverything her change mind. Learnfrom your mistakes. on thatwenton. UsuallyI came too fastor too hardandsheonly to it agreed call because waseasier thansayingshedidn't want to dateme. distraction.It wasfun You werean interesting dangerous but aboutriding you, andexcitingto talk with you andto daydream but whenit camedownto actuallypicking up the phoneshegot in frightenedand felt pervertedfor being interested you. I've found, "Well, call me when you're not so scared,' is no more effectivethan being pushy. She thinks I said, *I'm I willing to wait for you because don't haveany balls." 'em, stepback and focusyour efforts It's necessary fold to Don't wasteanymoretime on her beingpatientand elsewhere. persistent. After a coupleof more monthsof boys and young men shemay be readyto take the plunge,maybenot.

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IIELPFT]L HINTS FROM IIELOISE AI\D DON Let her drive your mr if shedoesn'tscareyou to death.She loves to drive and it makesher feel grown-up.Have her sign . your credit card voucherfor the samereasons Let her make using your credit card number. room reseryations She tells her roommateyou're "just a friend" not a lover. Carla told Connie that and Jean told Mona the silme thing. she Cooperate, is afraid her peerswill think she'sloose, crury to or both. It is necessary charmthe roommate(Teddy) when the time comesand win her approval. your means datesonethrough on moneybeyond Don't spend three, then try to saveon the forth date. She'll get withdrawal pains. Doing something unusualshecan tell her friends about is better. SECOI\D DATES different, big, Thehorsera@s.A play. Something something mendo. Nothing romantic.Not dinnerat an elegant something Nothing at your place. restaurant. I am not willing to go to a rock concert,period, evenwith and or a 9.8. I do not like the scene the peopleattending I feel placeaswell as "out of it to themax.' I cantolerateclub out of of sizedperformances rockersI like. You cannotget tired on her. Take a nap so you canbe alive You mustkeepup with her. If you're in aerobic andenergetic. shape, you'd betterbe, you will haveplentyof endurance. and as Everythingis doneabout same thefirst date.Expressing the her more likes anddislikes, encouraging to do the same.Look for matches and fits. Depending everything,yes, everything,your instinctsin on particular,you can, possibly,perhaps, maybe,suggest third a date, during the secondbut not at the end of it. Calling her a few dayslater is still the best courseto follow when in doubt. This is a recording.You're only moderatelyinterested. There should be more touchitrg, some of it not socially appropriatebut too romantic.Depending everything,yes, not on everythitrg,a gentle, not lustful, good night kiss is possible. Listento your instincts.Tina fuckedmefour timesonthe second date. That's right, she, fuckedffie, the wonderfully insatiable 19 year old thing. We're in the eighth month of our affair as I'm writing this.

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TIIIRD DATES AND BEYOI{D Prepare takethelaststep.She'sno differentfrom a woman. to Now is the time for romanticdates,movies,dinners,walks on thebeach, kissingandhugging,some fondling.It's only a matter of time whenyou've gottenthis far. "LJse Force,Luke, usethe Force." Payattention your the to feelings.It may be appropriate suggest corn in front of pop to the fire placeor champagne horsd'oeuvres your house. and at paragraph I don't needa transition here,do I? You can't wait to turn this page!

Into your bedroomshe brings: someexperience linle knowledge, . and great expectations
THE AUTHOR

In the gameof love it's not important tf you win or lose but whetheror not you score.
WOODY ALLEN

SexWith Her
Her motivation'snot a bit different from a woman's, she But, shewantsit like it's been wantsa cockinsideher, thrusting. the across pastfive years. in her secret daydreams fantasies and Ah[ ANALOGY FOR T]hIDERSTAI\IDING Shehas a new body, relatively.It's only four or five years old. It's a hell of a lot different from the one shehad for 15 seems years.This model'sgot big, roundcurvesandsometimes gottenusedto it, to have a mind of it's own. She'sgradually kinda. "But it's, you know, like, well, like, I don't know, She empty,uh, like, not full. " Translation: alwayswantsmore. Sheowns a powerful new motorcyclebut hasno idea what it's got or how fast it'll go. Jimmy rides it but never gives it muchof a workout.He doesn'tget very far. After gettingit all rewed up, he popshis clutch and stallsout. It feels goodbut frustrating. Shewantsit takento the limit, red lined in fifth gear. She'sdying to know, *What'll it really do?" Troubleis, shewantsto fly but she'sterrified of crashing and burning. SEDUCTION FOLLOWS UNDERSTANDING Shedoesnot want to feel out of control. She'sexcitedand scaredat the sametime. Don't overwhelmher. Make her feel goodbut don't give her the *full on" demonstration what it's of like to get seriouslyfuckedevenif that was, ffid is, one of her for main reasons datingyou.

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She can't appreciate full spectrumof your knowledge, the ability and experience until she getsusedto the idea of being in bed with you. The fourth or fifttr time you cangive her what she'sbeenwaiting for. That doesn'tmeanthe fifth time the first night either, you satyr, you. Shedoesn'twant you to think she'sinexperienced, embarrassed,ignorant, naive or innocent.Be strong but gentle and sensitive. Don't let your little headdo the thinking. Concentrate her. Payattention whatgivesher pleasure. on to Don't expecther to tell you, readher mind andher body. LJse your experience knowledge.Ensureshehas a wonderful, and pleasurefilled time the first few engagements. Boys comefirst, literdly. Young menarenot ableto sustain her This alonegivesyou the edgeto become lover. intercourse. job but not for weeks.That's Don't blow your edge.That'sher all Jimmy ever wants.You're different.You love to go down on her and don't expecther to reciprocate. SEDUCING IIER This date with her, the third, forth or tenth, is natural and normal. Act thatway. You arenot goingto try anything.It will She'll go to bed with you. It may not be her ideaat her speed. but shewill. It is not now or never. be tonight And, you certainlydidn't inviteher oversayinganythinglike, *Don't worry, I won't makea passat you.' Let fantasyreign. inyourbedroom, Whenshewasherethelasttimeandglanced palace,did it? Tell me therearen't it didn't look like a pleasure any mirrors on the ceiling or even on the walls! It doeslook masculineand it better be neatand cleanlike the rest of your place. There are no fernale products or leftovers anywhere. The wholehouselookslike only a singleadultmale lives here. You don't havepicturesof your childrendisplayed.You don't even haveany picturesof your ex. the The living room is not setup for seduction, lights down glowing and romantic music on softly. The low, fireplace is champagne in the refrigeratorwhereit alwaysis, not waiting gullible youngmen who read in an ice bucket.Impressionable, Playboydo shit like that.

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you to be confident,powerful and in charge.Be Sheexpects that. Don't act like a boy, in a hurry to ram it home. You're to not like Jimmy.Takeyour time. She'sdifferent,special you. you're different. You're specialto her because a A boy hurriesdownthefield, usingplaysshe'sseen hundred By timesbefore.He neverdoesanythingunexpected. the time up, he's "insidethe ten," she'sbarelywarmed but he's wound puts in the short yardage up, only focusedon scoring. She He defense team(strong,pushyresistance). forces.Shetightens the He the defense. fumbles.Sherecovers, ball as well as her oriented. and defense composure, becomes Control your drinking. Keep your wits aboutyou and your her focuson her body language overallmood. Understand and resistance when it comes,as it will. It meansyou're moving your power.You're response downfield too fastor she'stesting radiated,"Okay. If we don't tonight, every time is unspoken, no biggie.We will." Whenthekissingandfondlingstart,no matterhow receptive sheis, don't pouron full voltage,you'll shortcircuither. If she feelsout of control her only solutionis to panic stop. Build the excitement,then back off and let her keep control. After you start again she'll be willing, ffid able, to go farther without slammingon the brakes.The whole eveninghasthis pattern. Your gameplan is different.You keepher offbalanceduring especially:ts the the preliminariesby doing the unexpected, you foreplay is nearing completion.By being unpredictable preventher from makinga goalline stand.That'swhatshedoes to a boy. Don't be a boy. Her Thoughts.Mmmm.Nice sofr lips. Yuck,wlnt if he hns good.My, he false teeth?Oh, I guess doesn't.Mmm.He smells what a romantic he is. Mmmm. ShouldI play hard to get? Ummm.. . W'd he stop? Go to the bathroomand listen to me one more time. Don't let her get to the point whereshehasto dig in her heelsanduse her will powerto prevent"going all the way." Build and stop. Begin againbut go farther,then stopagainuntil you're on the one yard line. That's the last time I'm going to tell you. Now go backout thereandtalk for awhile. Then startagain.

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Her Thoughts.Nice stronghug. Ummm.Oh, he's goingfor nrytit. Should pttshhis lwrrdaway?Uran,feels good. Ummmm. Whyam I getting so wet? She loves her tits squeezed. You're kissing and hugging passionately. Slide your hand up there. Don't stay long. Be different. Her TTtoughts. Shouldn'tlet him up . . . ummthere. . . uhlt. Am I dri*ing too much?Oh . . ul*t! . . . Unmmm!He stopped? You shift a bit asyou slowdown. She"accidentally" brushes your cock. against Her Thoughts.Jeez,pretty big, but not as big as Randy's. Get up and makeanotherdrink. Then take the phoneoff the hook. While you're doing that: Jinurry'll MaybeI shouldn'ttonight.Nextweek Her Thoughts. be at the races.I wonderwhy he stopped? Bring the drinks and sit down. Talk for awhile. Then begin again. Take your time but go farther. Her Thoughts.Heb so gentle.Oooh,he knowswhereit is. Oooh,oh, he'sputtingrrylwd Wlntif I smellfunny? Ummmm. on his thing. Mmmm.He's really lnrd! to pardonthe PUD, score.After It's fourth down, six inches, *Full what play shouldyou call? drive a two month, sustained backover right guard,takeher right hereon the couch?' Nope. She'susedto powerplayslike that,from boys. Too predictable. Keep your pantson! age.You got Stabler's Comeon! You'reKenny"The Snake" you're going to here by being different from the competition, scoreby stayingdifferent. Time out! Go put on anothertape. Huddle with yourself. Think about *Let's see it. While you're doing that her curiosityis yelling, *You slut! is what it's really like.' Her conscience yelling, You're cheatingon Jimmy.' But then, her throbbing pussy pleads,*Go for it! Lock onto that cock.' just To you it was no big deal. You interruptedthe session gettinginto it. You're different. when shewas Call the quarterback Don't power it in, do the unexpected. you can mn it in yourself, pitch option. As the play develops back, of, if it's all blockeduP, pass,back out to the sweeping *wide open.' the across grain to the "tight end,' shewill be

Sex With Her

"Triple optionright. On Two!" Time in! Let the kissingand fondling go on and on until she'swhite " hot. "Hut one. Her Thoughts.This is too much. Comeon! "Hut Two!" Don't ask,just do it. Takeher by the handand confidentlylead her to the bedroom. She wantsyou make love to her, not screw her. Do that, her. with thewayyouundress Now thatyou're in bed, begiruring you want, gentlybut firmly. don't ask,just do whatever Her Thoughts.My, OH MyW. I neverknewa tonguecould feel . . . Ohh my . . . UMMuh . . . !s, YES! to She'saccustomed a minute,maybetwo, after he rams it in, then he comesand rolls off. Enter gently. Sustainyour rhythmic thrusting. Her Thoughts.Umm. . . Umm. . Oh my . . . Umm. . . . nice. Ummmm . . He's good. . . Ohh . . . Am I doingit right? He's . . . breathing. . . Uh Uhhh. . . so hard. Uhhh. . . What if he has a heart attack . . . Ohhhh. . . here it comes. . . Uh Uhhh Iessss. UMMUHH . . . UHH . . OHHH . . . More. More. . . MORE! her She'llhavea burstof guilt, feellike a slut. Acknowledge feelings,as non-verbally possible.Do not lectureor give as advice.Hold her gently,sensitively. Later,compliment on makingyou feelgood.For Christ's her sake,don't askher if shecarne. Thingswill be differentnow. PhaseTwo hasbegun.

I ain't sayingyou ain't pretty, All I'm sAyin's,I'm not ready For any person,plnce or thing, To try and pull the reins in on me.
LINDA RONSTADT

PhoseTwo
The Courtship:find, meet,talk with, anddatemadeup Phase One. It lastedone day or threemonths.The Affair: date,talk with, makelove anddealwith eachother,makes Phase up Two. It can last two nightsor two years. It' s anew,forbidden impossible filled with pleasure, situatiotr, fraught with danger. The everyday relationship isn't much trouble.The routinestuff s aboutthe same with a28 year old as except for the problems associated with your young lover's immaturity but that's not the big difference. The big, ffid I meanmajor, differenceis the far, far greater you intensityof emotions both experience. highsfeel twice The asgood,thelowsfeelbottomless. However,you two mustmake passionate love for weeksbeforethesefeelingsbegin to cause problems. IMR REASONS TO KEEP DATING YOU In PhaseTwo with Jimmy she must always behavelike a has funrrewife. She to manipulate continuallytomaintain control relatiornhip. Withyou, Phase of the Two's different.Sheknows therewill be no weddingbells. Shecanjust relax and enjoy. you, Sheappreciates looksforwardto her time with you. You behave like a gentleman,always treating her with respect. you her Experience across yearsenables to understand moods the personallywhen she's a bitch. You listen and not take it sensitively,without internrpting,to her problems.And, when

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it her, accepting comes,you comfort and console her anguish without telling her to stop actinglike a baby, os Jimmy does. When shemakesa youngperson'smistakeyou don't give her hell for not knowing what she shouldhave done, like Jimmy the does.You know what makes world work, easilyfixing life problems Jimmyhasno ideahow to evenbeginsolving.Always you takeyour time in of thoughtfuland considerate her needs, bed. You don't wantblow jobs all the time, Jimmydoes. to You're as special her as sheis to you, as differentto her as sheis to you, as excitingto her as sheis to you. But things getcomplicated Phase pleasant in emotions Two whenpowerful, arise. AFTER GRAT{D TIMES, PROBLEMS BEGIN You two havejust returned from your first romanticweekend togetherin Lake Tahoe.Every night was filled with caring, sensual, satisfying Thedayswereeach excitingadventure sex. an of new, fur, adult activities.Don't let her havemore than24 hoursawayfrom you. After this intimate,delightful time togethershe innocently wantsto shareher joy. She tells her friends how happy and excitingher life is. EtrtW CAUSES SECOND THOaGHTS. At least one "friend" will feign pleasure the news,then,within a minute, at in sneak a comment designed devastate It will be innocent to her. sounding advice or innocent sounding concern or innocent question:"You wouldn't wantto marry someone sounding that old, wouldyou?" It makes difference no whatthe "friend" says, his or her purpose to makeyour lover feel cheap,foolish and is immoral. Another"friend," in the guiseof savingher, will lectureon the immorality and impracticalityof continuingwith you, "I know this really is noneof my business BUT, I don't want you to gethurt. You'd better careful.Those be olderguysare,well, uh, he might be usingyou." Her "friends" haveno understanding empathy.They are or notpleased her andsee happiness threatening. for her as Perhaps putsthemin touchwith how boringandemptytheir own lives it are,datingthe same boyfriendfor two years,grindingawayat a menialjob or endlessly trying to finish college.Secretly they

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too, want to have a fling but don't havethe courageof your younglover, so they try to destroyher. to enough realizewhy her Your youngwomanis not together her. She'snot yet seen to "friends" woulddo this except o'help" else's on how smallandviciouspeopleare, stomping someone are they, themselves, unhappy. because happiness crapto explain this Don't wait until aftershehears destructive She wants to be a good the motivation and resultsof envy. downthe adulttrail to know, really personbut isn't far enough know, deepinsideshehasto live by her own rules, not those drummedinto her by our culture, then invokedby "friends" their petty ends. whenit serves presents itself in Tahoegentlymentionto Whenthe opening her what may happenwith her friends when she gets back. of is Prevention the only cure for the disease envy. Evenwithout "friends" HER OWN SECONDTHOUGHTS. like this, beingalonegivesher too muchtime to think. It's been of the so goodshebeginsconsidering long run possibilities the you she Suddenly remembers two won't be getting relationship. married and living happily ever after! In a stateof shock she critically reviewsexactlywhat her own rules and regulations the permit. She startsto feel like a bad girl. The excitement, andfeelingspecialvanishas her pleasure beingappreciated of for whatherreasons being flows. Shecan'tremember adrenaline with you are, or rather,were. " has Every relationship to "lead somewhere.The longershe for she generates never seeingyou has, the more "reasons" again.Soonshesees,ethically,the only thing to do is breakit her off. Oncethis happens brakesget locked. She'sin a four skid. When you try talking with her she'll be steeled, wheel It invinciblein her armorof rationalizations. goeslike this: it's just couldn'twork out, she'sso sorry, didn't not fair to you, it meanto hurt You, ad nausealn. Think, think of a way of not letting her havemore thana day to herself for a futl week after the two of you return from the You want if Set first grandweekend. it up beforehand, possible. it's wonderfulhaving her to havesolidproof it's not only okay, she an affair with you. The only hardevidence cangraspis how is and how good she feels. Only this can prevent happy she

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friends *helping" her. This alonemakesit possiblefor her to dismissself doubts. SIIE COMES TIMN GOES Julie didn't wantto getup andgo home.Shewantedto spend the night like "real lovers." "But," I objected,"you saidyou had to go because Jimmy was going to call at 11 and maybe come over. You can stay all night any time. Let's not take chances.' Shedeveloped planwhereby wouldspend nightwhen a she the goingto the desertwith his buddies.She'dtell him Jimmy was she was going out "with the girls." When he calledat 2 tur, like he probablywould, andget no answer,her story would be shegot blitzed and spentthe night at Debbie's.Complicated? Yes. Necessary? huh. Did it everhappen? Uh Nope. By thetime Friday got thereshechanged mind. Spending her the night was somehow bad. But going to bed with me in the afternoon whenhe wasat work wasn'tgood,it just wasn'tbad. A few weekslater shefelt like evenhaving lunch with me was bad and stopped seeing altogether, five whole days. me for Her guilt trips ebbandflow. You haveno morecontrolover this than you do over the ocean's tides. Don't let it freak you out. Hang in. Be patient.Listen and be empathetic don't give adviceor try to manipulate into but her spending time with you. Shehas enoughtrouble dealingwith all her otherfeelings.Justtell her you wantto seeher anddrop it. Shehas to proceedor withdrawby her own values,based on her own needs and goals. WIMN GOOD GETS BETTER _ \ryE ALL WAI\TTBEST It makesno differenceif shehasa l-eftover, a String Along or no boyfriend,she'shavingquitean experience. doesn't She understand why or how shecanfeel so goodandhaveso much ' fun with you whenthereis no chance it "leadingsomewhere. of After six weeksshestopsquestioning just accepts and it. But thebetterit is, for theboth of you, the sooner begins she wonderingwhat would happenif shebroke it off with Jimmy. She forgets what you told her aboutthe impossibilities. She wondersif the two of you can make it work. She wants it to "lead somewhere'not just continueas it is.

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Everyhuman beingwantssomething goodto getbetter.She's no different. But, shemust regainher perspective madness or beginsfor you both. Ethically, you must put your foot down, gently at first and not let thingsget out of hand. This will be hard, as she will try to manipulate you, subtly at first. When you standfirm she'll threaten end it and makeotherpower to moves.You haveto stopwith her at this point, for a few weeks or forever. Don't getcocky!You're vulnerable the same to feelings and desires.Thereare hiddenmotives,secretlongingsand unmet needs lurking in your soul, too. More on that in a few pages. POSITIW LEN)S TO NEGATIW. As time passes, the wonderful,positiveemotions both experience enjoyso you and much cause negative feelingsto arise. Someof her unpleasant onesare: (1) Insecurity andfear you'll rejecther for an older (2) Fearyou're too powerfulto control. (3) Guilt for female . enjoying sex with you when it isn't going anywhere.(4) Rejectionwhen she can't participatein normal activitieslike going to your company's picnic. (5) Guilt for datingyou and (6) Fearher boyfriend,parents, friendsor peers her boyfriend. will find out. (7) Confusion anger and overyour erraticbehavior (8) in caused yourfeelings. Fearshewill fall deeply lovewith by you whensheknowsit can't work. too: You havepowerful,disorienting emotions, (1)Insecurity and fear she'll drop you for another man. (2) Anger and confusion over how to relateto her when she'sactingerratic for and of because her feelings.(3) Guilt, confusion shame not propriety,love, sex,honor, of living up to your own standards or courage, al. (a) Fearyour company otherswho canharm et her you will find out. (5) Rejection whenyou can't accompany like to normalevents a sororitydance.(6) Fearof falling deeply in love with her whenyou know it can't work. HonestyIs Always The Best Policy. There'snot much you you're not qary understand except emotions cando aboutthese when she beginsexhibitingerratic behavior,or you do, and of some theproblems worse,whenyoubothdo. You canresolve by caused your feelingsby sharingthemwith her. Adult womenexpectand want you to be strongand rational at all times. Nearly all young womenlike it and can handleit

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and you will, when you're not. After you act like an asshole, but apologize try to explainwhereit camefrom, whatyou were feeling and thinking to makeyou behaveso badly. and She's going through similar things. She'll understand accept.You must do the samewhen she screwsup. Let time pass.Cool down, both of you. Have courageand good will. Beyondthis, you and shecan only decidehow much craziness you can live with, then call it quits whenthe limit is exceeded. she Sometimes can see it was fear, frustration, confusion, doubt or whateverbehind her bizarre behavior. It doesn't do much good to tell her that's the cause. Nobody accepts psychological analysisevenfrom a shrink. by In short, there are problemscaused the strongemotions Two differentfrom thosewith a woman.You will be of Phase the sourceof some, she will be the causeof others and our depends the on culture'sruleswill create still more. Resolution courage, of honesty, dedication strength you andyour young and lover. That's no different from any human relationship.The relationshipwith her is just far, far more emotionallyintense. I love it, evenafterblowing . . . well you'll seein a few pages. Thereareproblemsnot caused emotions,they arisewhen by it's not clear Who'sIn CltnrgeHere?

Son,you haveto be smnrter than the dog, to train her.

SENSIBLEFATHER, of the author

Here? Who'sIn Charge

In the early daysI foolishly believedI didn't haveto be on top, to be on top. I wasso naive.Not knowingit wasnecessary on I to be in chargeof everything figuredI could compromise me I asked After a few trashed everythingexceptmajor issues. They told me in plain English,"I like it whenthe for feedback. " You're too nice. man'sin charge. wasa myth thatmenandwomencould Backin the 70'sthere of have a relationship equals.Well it wasjust that, a myth. Thereis no suchthing and cannotbe. Onepersonis alwaysin in conversation can control.The relationship be a three-minute year marriage.The a pickup bar, a six month affair or a ten most is person charge theonewho won't takeshit, theperson in willing to say,andthendo it, "No more.I quit." MAI{IPT]LATION IS IIER WAY OF LIFE Doesthis soundfamiliar, ". . . mini-marriages? Remember wheretheylearn,practiceandperfectthecontrolandmnnipulathey tion techniques will usein their real marriages." you. To her, Sheseesnothingimmoral aboutmanipulating That'stheway Mommy controls mustbe manipulated. all males Daddy.It's how her friends'Mommiescontroltheirhusbands, and it's how how sit-comMommiescontrolsit-comDaddies, operamales. control soap soapoperafemales

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person, it'sjust all sheknows. unethical She'snota malicious, is Straightforward not in her repertoire.Shethinks it hasto be this way. It's normal, everyonerelatesto eachother like this. Evenrelationships withher girl friendsarefull of guilt inducing, finagling. Nobody's direct with anybodyin her world. WIIA'T SIIE BBLIEVES AI\D REALLY WAI\TTS She wantsthe man to be in chargeand considersit proper and morally right even if she fights agairnt it and tests you weekly. She doesn't like, admire or respectanyoneshe can control. Shedoesn'twant anotherboy, she wantsa rnan. Not a machonran who demands time submission. full But, you'd betterbelieveshewantsyou to makeher submit, from time to time, sexuallyand every other way. A stronger one will constantlychallengeyou even over extremelysmall issues seeif you're still in charge.If you to aren't, she'sangry and let down. Shedidn't really want to be the boss. Strongor not, shetestsyou by standing you up, then calling with (1) "Sorry 'bout yesterday. Jimmycameby, couldn't call. Don't be mad. He's goingto the desert tomorrow.Can I spend the night?" (2) Shewon't call until the next day andpretendshe didn't test you. She says excitedly, ol can spendthe night. Jimmy'sgoingto the desert.' (3) She'll go to the beachinstead of coming over in the afternoonas agreed,then cops a plea, "Sorry, Pam, fly bestfriend from schoolcameby. I couldn't tell her 'bout you. Don't be mad. Can I spend the night tomorrow?Jimmy's going to the desert. " This is theonly response works, *f 'rr pissed We had that off. a date.You didn't call. (Pause effect.)No you can't spend for the night. I have plans. Maybe someother time. Goodbye." CLICK! Shemustbelievethe possibilitiesincludeyou will never see her again. It takesan iron will to turn down a night with her early otr, but turn it down you must if you hopeto continuein a pleasurable way. If you talce shit now it only getsworse. her Beingled aroundby the dick is only fun in the early training you know, when sherewardsyou for taking crap by sessions, rubbingyour cock with her tonsils.If you tradeblow jobs for just her irresponsible behavioryou loseher respect,becoming

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pussywhipped boy. Everytimeshegets"a betteroffer" another house she'll take it, knowingthat soonyou'll be a completely brokenpuppy. of Some you maythinkyou canregaincontrollater,believing your way back to the helm you can maneuverand manipulate aftershefindsouthow greatyou reallyare.LombardiandI wish you luck. ACT LIKE A MAIY or If you won't be manipulated lied to, you will retaincontrol Standfirm and refuseto be treatedbadly. of the relationship. and like Behave a manwith plentyof self respect you'll do fine. Don't retaliate.Let her know in clear, easyto understand behavior.Do not bluff. Shewill call termswhat is unacceptable you get calledyou two will be finished When it, I guarantee. or you're in for a long run of her shitty behavior. I am absolutelycommittedto not putting up with anything, early on. I learnedthe hard way it's tough enough especially to trainingher in the first place.It's impossible re-trainher. Be smarterthan the dog, stay fully in chargefor months. BENEVOLENT DICTATORS She knows you two are not equal. She knows you are the person.In her view you arethe morepowerful,knowledgeable you are the leader.Get it through your head, male, therefore sheonly knowsone way of relating.You must live up to, and act out, her ideaof what a man is. whereto go for dinner but It's a shame evenlettingher decide decide to her. Shethinks,"The manshould is a signof weakness experienceshe reads these things." She has such limited (sounds like?) as diplomaticasweak,considerate accommodating as no balls. forgiveness if you're not willing to be in chargeyou will be out of from now, aftersherealizes control.Lateron, like four months shecan't take over, you canback off a little, not much. Too bad control is an issuein older man-youngerwoman it's but relationships it is andafterthefirst few dates "the" issue. dictator. it. But be a benevolent it. accepted Accept I reluctantly STANDBY FOR SBLF DBSTRUCT Most young womencan havefun and enjoy being with you in and out of bed only if "'We're not getting serious." She

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prefers lust in your eyesto love in your eyes. Her boyfriend adoresher or ignoresher but he neverlusts for her. If shestartsto fall in love it's okay in her mind only if you In for don't reciprocate. this statetheaffair cancontinue a while longer. Shouldyou losecontrolandsayor evenbehave ways in that mean"I love you" the end is at hand. Shecan't handleit. My guess? putsher in touchwith what It 'When she'sredly doing,falling for someone cannot she marry. you come back with similar feelings, expressed words or in otherwise, hasto faceit. Confronted she with The Fact:You're 'Let's endthis right here, right not marriable,her conclusion, now. It can't go anywhere.' The worst part is she endsup running the show when she thinks, feels or believesyou care for her more than she cares for you. Even if you are insanelyin love with her don't express it in deeds verbally. If you do you'll alsolosecontrolof the or relationship. Whatdo I mean *also?' Simple,you'vealready by lost control of your feelingsfalling in love with someone half your age. Love, Iove, love Love is all you need AU you need,all you need I-ove is all you need. For John,Paul,George Ringomaybe.But you andDebbie? and Phase Two hasonemorebig problem,thebiggest. Well, let's seewhathappens wher, not if , Love Rearslts BeautifullyInsane Head.

Love hurts, Iovescers, Love woundsand harms, Any heart, not tough Or strong enough, To take a lot of pain, Takea lotta pain.
BOUDLEAUX BRYANT

Love Reorslts BeautifullyInsoneHead

moretension. month.Tension, It's neartheendof thesecond archesin orgasmicecstasyand She clenches,moans, then of all You thrust harder, abandoning semblance self. release. surrender. The flurry bringsyour sweet,oh so sweet,absolute you feel the pulseshootinto her andseeher smile.The second jerks back. pulsespraysforth, shefadesfrom sight.Your head Ego gone,id rampsgs, descends. Blackness envelops. Whiteness pumpingand spewinglife into an emptyuniverse. with ontoher. Sheembraces As darknesrlifts,you collapse you tight. Empty, fully empty, yet youthful strength,holds tomplete,lying there,facein the pillow, dimly awareof sweat of with you, slightlyconscious hernearly she everywhere blends cock. Slowly, you notice your softening srt.d vaginacaressing it's in rhythm with loving, warrnhugssheneverquite releases Tighter,thentight. You lift your headin an attempt completely. to turn toward her. She refuses,pressingher cheekfirmly to yours. you yield, and wrap your arnrsaround,joining her in oneness. of an embrace vulnerable beforeshebreaksthe silence.Shereleases An eternitypasses her grip slightiy. With mouthbesideyour ear shesoftly utters the forbiddo[, "I love Youso." in The long ago, self-inflicteddeadness your heart slithers away.You melt.

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your headlovingly. Sadness Shestrokes wells,you tense, try to deny, try to resist,too late. A few hot teardrops fight past clenched eyelids,trickledown,ontoher cheek.Sheknows!You try to escape. you to her with powerful, Shemerely crushes gentleacceptance, innatemotherly-womanly with understanding far, far beyondher years. You yield, surrendering thegrief, theempty,meaningless, to lonely yearsof pain denied.You cry, deepfrom the soul, deep from the heart, anguishedsobs of hurt, of rejectior, of helplessness. only holdsyou tighter, more tenderly,more She understandingly. When it's over, ashamed try to rushaway,somewhere, you anywhere.Shewon't let you, makesyou lie thereand look at her. With wordsunspoken, realizeshe you you, respects admires you area You, not in spiteof your tearsandpain but because Inan, a hu-manbeing. You two sit up on the edgeof the bed. Shetakesyour handand looks into your face.Shesmiles,you smile,tearscomeinto bothyour eyes.You startto explain,she you. shushes She goesto the bathrooffi,you go to the kitchen and blow your nose, washyour face in the sink. As you're drying she glidesinto theroom,unashamedly nude,throwsher annsaround your neckandsmiles,you smile,shegrins,you grin, shelaughs, you laugh. n'Hey man,canyou get old thisup again?"shesays,grabbing and flopping your flaccid memberaround.It stiffensslightly. Shelaughswith mockastonishment, "Not bad." Shestrokes it, you hardena bit more. Shebendsover and takesyou into her mouth,all of you. Ramrod!Shefakes gagging, giggles leads and you by the protuberance the bedroom,throwsyou playfully to on to the bed and climbs aboard. You weareachother out during the next half hour. No tears this time, only exhaustion. lie thereholdingeachotherand You drift off to sleep,the sleepof contented animals,Bengaltiger and his youngtigress. By the middle of the third month thesepowerful, intense emotions have done theirwork.You'veforgottenthe impossibilitiestoo, andgivenyourselffree rein. You've saidthe forbidden words, from the heartmany,ffiffiy timesandyou're enthralled by the purejoy of loving again,giving again,living again.

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overyou, through Everyday life-regeneratrng feelingssweep you, into you. You're excited, energy coursesthrough your veins. Born again!Happy for the first time in, what's it been now . . . My God! fifteen years. Fifteen yearssinceyou last felt like this, fifteen yearssinceyou knew what it meantto be Everythingelse alive, fully alive. Your perspective changes. unimportant.Your thinking is clouded.You losesight becomes of realrty and wish, then try to makethis last forever. FREE ADVICE it Justbecause can't last forever is no reasonto not love her andbe lovedin return. Shit, it didn't stopyou the first time you fell in love, with your wife, did it? Don't let it stop you this time, either. So it doesn'tlast. What does? the My adviceis simplyto keepyour perspective, perspective 40 yearson this planethasgiven you. Use what you know. You know it can't last. But, if you don't know by now that, "Love is the grandest emotion,worth living for andsometimes for,' you haven't learneddiddly squat in four worth dying decades. The high of love hasa low. When it comes,as it will, don't like whineandbehave a27 yearold. You know thereis a price for everything.Pay the price. I say love is worth any price. Decideif you're willing to pay thepiper beforeyou takethe brakesoff and go barreling into the abyss.Shedoesnot know believesshe it cannotlast, she'sa youngwornan.Shehonestly you foreverwhenshesaysshecan. Shesincerelyfeels canlove deep,abidinglove for you when shesaysshedoes. When The End comes,acceptit, then thank the gods for to having had the chance love again,to live again.

Youcan't stepin the sameriver twice. Only changels constant.

HERACLITUS

Thanks the memories. for

BOB HOPE

TheEnd
You've readaboutsomeof my affairs.All goodthingsmust come to an end. The longestwas two and a half years, the shortest eleven days.Thesecond longest two years,thethird was longest,eight months.The rest, threemonthson average. Of coursethere were untold numbersof young women I scared away,offended whojust plain didn't like me afterone or pseudo date.I wasted plentyof time with many Rapoplayers, sometimes evenweeksbeforesherevealed herselfor I got my headout of my ass.Let's not forgetcockteasers. guess I'd there wereat leastfive, onein particular, Jennifer, still onmy mind. is My God! What a bod! Hugh Hefnerwould get down andbeg. Many only spent night,some a came backonceor twicemore. They wereonly curious,not interested an affair after all. At in leasttwentycouldnot bring themselves enterPhase to Two after monthsof courtship,several pseudo real dates.Therewere and threegold diggers,the longest lasted four weeks.Noneof these were really affairs but they endedall the same. WTIAT IIAPPENS? It endswhenguilt overwhelms whenher erraticbehavior her, overwhelms her, You, whenyour erratic behavioroverwhelms when her immaturity drives you crazy, when your lack of immaturitydrives her ctary, when shemeetsMr. Rite, when you meet Ms. Rite, when her boyfriend quits her, when she

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meetsa man she likes better, when you meeta young woman you like better. it Plus, it endsfor all the sirmereasons doeswith a woman. (1) but herearetwo examples: you get You know mostof them wanting to know . bored or she does (2) she gets possessive, whereyou were, who you werewith, why you can't seeher this weekend. it's However, when you get possessive erratic. You know betterbut the first few times you'll tend to forget the inherent and impossibilities start actinglike she'syour girl friend, not a delightful, fun young womanyou're having an affair with. foolish, yes. But that endsit. Erratic, suspect, DICKIN' AROUND WITII MTROGLYCBRIN her It makesno differencethat she announced commitment with that no to Jimmy. And, it makes difference you werehonest her aboutthe long term impossibilities.The first time you fall in love with a young wonnn things get crury quickly. If she doesn'thavea boyfriendor if they breakup during your affair, But it doesn'tget crury, it getspsychotic. whenyou fall in love boyfriend, advanced with her and she has an unannounced infectsyou both. Justfollow this recipefrom my schizophrenia own kitchen.
DON'S NECIPE FOR TROUBIfr Begin with: A month's worth of lusty, hot, hard, wet sex, with her wanting and taking all you've got. During the secondmonth add giggle-filled gilmesof tag in the park, playful wrestling on the living ioom floor, clowning with silly faces, some pillow fights and laughter, lots and lots of laughter. Mix all this with pleasant,quiet love making in the afternootr, ice cream cone-walksby the sea, evenings by the fire hotding hands, gentle touching and face caressing. In thefifrh weekbegin slowlYadding: 1 Cup Her Guilt for lying to you and to him. 2 Cups Her Double Guilt for cheating on her boyfriend with you and cheating on you with her boyfriend. 3 Cups Her Self Condemnation for making love with two different *men' within hours of each other.

The End By the eighth week dump 1 Gallon Her ConfusingSexWith Love over multiple orgasms with you when he can't last long enoughfor one. I Gallon Your ConfusingSex With [.ove over how alive and masculineyou feel with her. for 2 QuartsHer Disorienting Embarrassment thinking of you *do it' while she suckshim off once she feels too guilty to with him. Stir well for two weel(s.Suddenlyadd: I Bushel Your Hurt Feelingswhen your foolish dreamsand mighty ego are smashedonce you suspecthis presence. Blend with: 2 BushelsYour Indignant Ragewhen she lies and continues to lie. 2 Truckloads Your Jealousycreatedby of confidence. and lack

3 Truckloads Your Humiliation for the scenesyou make behaving like a foolish, love struck boy. (Add this twice a week until the end.) )n* everysceneadd:

2 Barrels Your Promisesnever to do it again. For salty flavoing throw in: Her Tears, Your Tears, an oceanof each. (Add as required, usually every other night until the end, then nightly for weeks.) Slowly stir, quickly adding: 4 Barrels Her QuadrupleGuilt for lying about lying, to you and to him. Combinewith: 2 Tons Your Fear it's about to end, 2 Tons Her Fear it's aboutto end, 4 Tons Her Double Fear shewill loseyou both. Mix well for two mare weelcs. Observe it comesto a rolling boil all by itself. Standback! It's explosive!

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I was blown up only once. This recipecanbe usedanytimeyou fall in love with her. It just takeslongerto reachtheboiling point whenher boyfriend's or announced shedoesn'thave one. The principle ingredients are the same,grandsex, laughter,fun, hiddenmotives,guilt, fear, confusion,foolish dreams,loss of touch with reality, promises, unkeepable lies, istic unreal expectations, rage,scenes, jealousyand tears,lots of tears. insecurity, The Secret:Never use evenone ounceof commonsense. SATETY PRECAUTIONS Stepone is to engrave, can Someexplosions be prevented. on the insideof your foolishly proud, 1950model,male ego: I I I hns She a boyfriend. wassecond, amsecond, will always be I cannot first. I will not try to befirst. Wecan be second. onlyhavefun and enioylW. I acceptit. I don't like it, I acceptit. An explosionalwaysendsit. Thereare other ways. SIIE CHANGBS, TIIAT EhtDS IT powerand knowledge, Shegetsthebenefitof yourmanliness, money. Stte learns about the world and what makesit really work. you get the benefit of her beauty, aliveness and You femaleness. learnhow to enjoylife again,how to live right here, right now. It is a goodtradefor you bothbut it cannotlast acrosstime. Three months, a year, perhapstwo but longer is so just not possible,shechanges quickly. Two yearswith you is the sirmeas eight yearswithout you. lf she's 19 when you begin, by the time she's 2L she knows more abouteverythingthan any wornanof 31 who marriedher high schoolboyfriend at 20 and lastedsevenyears. And, she knows more than 27 yeat olds who nevermarried. In five months with you she learns more about the male thanshecanwith boysirt five years.A 20 yeatold will universe young malesbetter than a qpical, never view and understand married25 yearold. Her perspectiveon life, sex and what's morally right is

The End

183

changed her relationship by with you. You gentlygether to look attheworld differently.Sheloses constricted view of what's her possible. She thinl$ after only a few monthsshe's a real woman, a CosmoGirl, capable movingin the world of adultmalesand of handlingherself.Armed with what she'slearned from you she wantsto go out and explore,alone.She'stastedthe forbidden fruit and wantsto "eat the whole thing." You openher eyesto The Joy of Sex. Shediscovers not it's bad, immoral or wrong. It's wonderful.Shewantsto make it with someboysotherthanJimmyjust for fun. She'll lie to you about of it, thendropyou because feelsguilty. Or, you'll all she figure it out andbe so hurt you'll drop her. If you survive that, a few monthslater she rcalizesmen are much more fun than boys and seesthem in a new light. Soon shewantsto try another manto find out if they're all the sirme. She'snot nearly as afraid of them as sheusedto be way back six monthsagowhenshefinally spent nightwith you. She'll the want to seeif shecan controlone now that she "knows" what she's doing. Plus, with her new found power she wants to competefor men, against women,just for the pure hell of it. Shewill. She'llfuck him goodon thefirst date.If he'snotcontrollable he'll treat her half as nice as you do, ratherdid, and keepher onhis string.He getseverything workedsoharddeveloping. you Jesus, doesthathurt. What a pisser.If he's controllable she'll keephim andyou on a string, alongwith Jimmy. It's the same aswith boys,she'lllie aboutit all. But you two will be finished. Jimmy'll find out abouther new man or you and drop her. Thenshe'llgo afterJimmywith everything she'sgot. Or, you'll realize she'sgot a manandyour crushed will makeyou drop ego her. Or, she'll feel so guilty shedropsyou andkeeps new her man.He's moreexcitingandbesides, neverknewaboutyou. he Whenthingsgo wrong out therein the real world she'll call and attemptto re-establish relationship a with you. It's your choice.I did once,neveragain.Whenthat affair re-ended felt I like the biggestfool sinceWalter Mondale. All goodthingsmustend,just as all relationships with other

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HOWTODATEYOUNGWOMEN

gracefully, femalesbefore her did. The end must be accepted other way, but it must be accepted. or any whenmytwoyearaffairwithCarla suicidal I wasdangerously ended.Nothirg, I meannothing in my entire life crushedme asthat did. Not my fatherrotting awayfrom cancerfor months wife I loved beforemy eyes.Not my divorce from my second but beyondeveryone Carla. After horrible weeks of grievitrg, followed by days of my expressing fears,doubts,insecurity,ffid the worst, feelings to of mid-life hopelessness, a good friend, I realizd this too, shallpass.It did. In threemonthsI was right back at it again with Tina, lovely, lovely 19 year old Tina. There are more. The endrngis one of the Disadvantages.

hos Everything its disadvantages.

WORLDLYW$E GRAI.IDMA, of the author

Takewhat you want ard pay for it, sayethfud.

SPANISH PROVERB

Disadvontoges
combined At20, sheis a very earlyadult,very lateadolescent in one headand one heart.
confused,wild mood swings, insistent, ADOLESCENT: unpleasant, imprudent, know it all, rude, irresponsible,easily bored, sporadic, inconsistent, indiscreet, impudent, apathetic, unfocused, restless, scatterbrained,e)ttretre, reckless, obstinate, in@nsiderate, disorganized, garish,preoccupied, thoughtless, awkward.

She'sthree to ten yearsaway from being a woman. Got it? functions. You cannottakeyour younglover to any company That's rubbing their noses in it. Do not create enemies She unnecessarily. will do that unwittingly when you take her anywhere,especiallyamongfriends. Thereis a price for havinga younglover. I don't mind paylng it. I don't think you will either, after you get over the shockof how your *friends' and othersbehave. MEN GET IIARD ON'S Male acquaintances friends, of dl ages,judge her as a and personwith no principles for dating someone your x5e, thus considerher 'fair game.' They try to cut in, friend or not, seeingonly a pieceof meatand a pieceof assfor themselves. Someof the marriedguyswon't makeanymoveson her, but will attemptsabotage, wantingyou to be happy.They don't not

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WOMEN TO HOW DATE YOUNG

want to admit they're unhappyor don't have the balls to get divorcedand do what you're doing, living life, enjoyingthe beautyof youth. The husband a womanfriend andI wereplayingbackgamof mon in a bar. f was working on a youngcocktailwaitress.As to the eveningwore on sheagreed havea drink with me when shegot off. Five minutesafter shejoined us he begantrying to aboutdatinggirls half my age, me embarrass with snideremarks storiesof my behaviorunder the influence,all in exaggerated 'We had a loud talk in the men's room. the pretextof humor. you with talk of motrey,theirjob Divorcedguyswill one-up titles, their trip to Paris,andso on, thentry to movein, hoping themdown, that'show you got her to dateyou. Whensheshuts It's they'll makean effort to destroyyour relationship. always with ones,the oneswho arefat, wearingpolyester, the envious they buy her. They no chanceto date anyoneunder 40 unless to don't want to put in the effort and time needed becomean attractiveman. Believeme, they're trying to ruin everything, innocent. evenwhen it appears GET HOSTILE WOMEN I've beenliving with, marriedto, of datingyoungwomenfor 16 years.As my long term femalefriendsnear30, they make catty remarks or get downright hostile to my young date or as are currentlover. These peopleI've counted loyal, trustworfriends since 1970. They go back to being thy, dependable perfectlynormal whenI'm alone.I've had to call them all on it, after the fact of course. she Not oneof them realized wasbeingso cuntly.They were profusely.Christ, even and apologized stunned,embarrassed like an alley cat a 24 year old friend of five years,behaved Ree-ooow! hissss! towardan 18 year old date.Phisssst, TAKE WII.AT YOU WAf.lT AI\D PAY FOR IT to All you need knowis othermendon't wantyou to succeed, Friendif they are marriedor living with someolle. especiatly any of your older ship?Loyalty?Don't counton that stopping malefriends.Theywantto fuck her in theass.Further,you only and needto know everyfemale'senvious jealousof your young the ex-wife andendingwith your secretary. lover, startingwith

il

Disadwntages

187

If you prefer kissingyour young lover's pink, erectnipples to suckinghmp, 38 year old, brown ones,just to get one half way up, acceptwhat your ex says.You're neurotic, trying to prove your rnasculinityto yourself and the world. If you prefer your young lover who comesafter only a few intenseminutesof clit kissingto a womanwho only beginsto get wet after ten minutesof everythingyou can dreamup, live with your ftiends telling you to grow up and act your age. If you prefer holding handswith your young lover, sitting in front of the fireplaceto sitting in the kitchen while a 37 year old divorceeragson andon aboutwhat a shit her supervisoris, suck it up and survive the gossipaboutyou. If you prefer watching your young lover's flat, smooth stomachtensewhile driving it home, to looking at a flabby, belly wobblewhile you try to stayhard, tolerate stretch-marked judgement you as a Middle Aged Crazy. of society's you prefer, asI do, to watchfootballall day Sunday while If your younglover "doesher thing" somewhere else,to a Sunday outing with a divorcedmother and her two childrer, yield to up. "their' wisdom.Your prioritiesare all screwed for If you preferbeingaccepted respected who andwhat and you are by your young lover, to being ridiculed and put down by *successful' 40 year old womenwho comparethemselves it. to you, powerthroughandaccept You're a "failure.' Then again,you could confrontthem all and say "I happen to like energetic,optimistic, non-ball busting femaleswith sparklingeyes,shinyhair, smoothclearskin, stronghandsand tight vaginas, anns, well kept nails, perky tits, flat stomachs, who enjoyme andappreciate who don't try to ffie, firm asses, own ffie, and on and on and o[, and on.' I wouldn't adviseit unlessyou'd enjoy looking over your shoulderfor the next few years.Don't messwith the carefully constructed imagesandpseudoself esteems others.It's self of you. There are disadvantages to not importantthey understand Makeyour choice,ild live with it. Let them*live" everything. with the choicethey've made. OTHER DISN)VAI{TAGES There is no long term tranquility. Her life is full of major "life-or-death' situations. Most of themare caused her lack by

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thus like of experience, abilityto solveeverydxy,lifeproblems a carthatwon't start,a back-stabbing co-worket,Lmanipulative brother,an incorrectphonebill or a periodthat'stwo dayslate. Any oneof thesethrowsher whole life, andyour affair, into within 24 a turmoil for three or four days.When two happen hours, she reacts like you would if the Division Manager your company's A movingto Dumbfuck,Nebraska. announces fight with her roommateover whose turn it is to clean the diagnosis colon of is to bathroom asdisrupting her asa tentative canceris to you. Her 6-6, 235poundboyfriendmay breakyour facewhenhe how she'lldropyou like a rock for Mr. findsout. You'veheard Rite or to reduce Shitly's spenn count to zero when he with tears.Don't forgetit. "apologizes" of livesin thehearts youth.Getused The greeneyedmonster jealous.It means you genuinely care to it. Shewantsyou to be for her and are seriousaboutthe affair. Oncein awhile I put her. Onceit wasn'ta show. on a showif wordsdon't convince like a fool. I didn't whip up I felt jealousrage and behaved "Don's RecipeFor Trouble" out of thin air, you know. Feastor famine is reality when limiting yourself to young women. There are times I can't get a datefor weekson end, and there are weeksmy dick hurts from so much grand sex. . natures unpredictable None,save theirwhimsical, Explanation? ass Now andthenyou'll feel like you arethe dumbest on the planet.It happens whenyou realizeshe'sa gold digger,a penis collectoror just a touristlookingat the curiousolderman.I've met these types and never realized it until a month into the Not relationship. thatI mind beinga sexobjectyou understand, stupidI didn't know it from the it's just that I feel so damned begiruring. timesbeforebut I'm going to tell You've readthis several too and changes expects much.Time you again.Acrosstime she her. changes Knowledge her. changes her. changes Experience her. It can't be helpedbut it's her. Money changes You change the biggestdisadvantage. Okay, it's time to go. A few more pagesand you're outta here,Jack.On your way to losethat gut, makeyoungfriends, 'cause you're gonnaget old, and everything startliving, change thendie.

Wlw annng us is sman erwughto leant

of Irom the mistakes othcrs?

VOLTAIRE

Doing thesunc thing overand over, differentresuhs, expecting is thedSnition of crary.

I.'NKNOWN WISE PERSON

ClosingAdvice
IVhen I got divorcedsiqglemale andfemalefriends from 19 to 45 tried to help as I attemptedto date young women. The most they could do was give an opinion on what I had done wrong, time aftertime. Theydidn't haveany sure-firemethods, neitherdo I. My mistakesand what I've learnedfrom them are here for you to learnfrom. What weremy biggest? Numberone: trying to dateyoungwomenbeforeI wasready. Nurnbertwo: wanting the impossiblefrom them. Nunrberthree:being too straightforward. Number four: being too nice. Number five: not understanding the difference between a married sport fuck and a potentialhusband. If you quickly adopt the philosophy I eventually adopted, everything will be far less pairrful: "I will learn from my you'll be mistakes.' I know two you'll make.In the beginning so hot to datea young wonranyou will comeon too strongand scareher or be so accommodating will disgusther. it After you ruin it, think aboutit, whenyou're donewhipping yourself of course. [,ook the sinrationover from her vantage point. Re,play everythingfrom the beginning, includethe final scene.Think, think, think. oHow did sheperceivethat?tilhat could I havedone insteadof what I did?"

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It took threeyearsafter my divorce for me to becomeadept at meetinganddatingyoungwomen.Don't expectto be going you out with the Playmate the Month because havea how-to of yearsfrom now, afterthreeyounglovers,you will book. A few easilymeet,talk with and dateyoungwomen. It's necessary fail. Like learning to ski, falling down to you teaches whatwon't work. Acceptit. You're gonna blow it time and time again.That's necessary learningany new when skill andbelieveme, makingyourselfinteresting attractive and to youngerwomenis a skill. Learningtakestime andpatience. projectshavea wheel All at spinningphase thebeginning. Whenyou havenothingto show for monthsof effort exceptan empty wallet and a neck full of frustration, keepin mindthat'snormal.Don't quit, at least don't quit for long. I gave up often, once for three months.Thinking back, I thingsover realize hadto quit whenI did. I wasdoingthe same I differentresults.Justlike the quoteabove, andover, expecting I crary. But I alwaystried againbecause believed,and always will, they are the best females the planet.Having a young on lover is exhilaratitrg, easy. not IT'S WORTH IT AI\D SO IS SIIE Nothing is betterthan spending long eveningmaking love a with a youngwomanyou caredeeplyfor, wakingup with her, making love again, arriving at the office, walking acrossthe parking lot with a full heartand an emptyscrotum.Nothing in my life hasfelt betteror beenmore fulfilling. Nothing. My fondest memories are, and always shall be, of the nightswith days wonderful,soft,life-filledmatchless andendless my darling Carla. It was worth everytear, everyheartrrpping lie. I'LL IIA\M MY MEMORIES Way back there on page one I talked about my memory at getting triggeredby a large breasted, black attendant the Villa. When that happens,I hope Golden Years Retirement from floodingmy awareness. old there'sno stopping memories After smiling and drooling over Genette I want to cry afternoon the old bittersweet, man'stearsremembering happiest of my life. It wits simple,yet miraculous.

Closins Advice

19I

By the s, watching the sun go down, nran and young wonnn. We didn't speak,didn't touch, didn't kiss, didn't even look at eachother,just satthere,part of theuniverse.Happiness swelledwithinme. I became uncomfortable, recognizingthe not emotion. It grew, became undeniable. softened,allowed life I andjoy to overcome me. Alive! Me! I was alive, truly dive. A livitrg, breathing,happy humanbeing, genuinely,perfectly happy. Not pleasd, not satisfied,not content.Happy, simply happy. After a few minutes coulds&y,*Carla,Gd, I'm sohappy.' I Shesmiled and took my hand. Christ, in 30 yearsI hopeI canstill feel, like I cannow, her lips pressedagainstmy hand in tender reassurance when she noticedtearstrickling from my eyes,lls I watchedour earth's sun, slip sadlyaway. It was worth everythingto have that momentwith her. To know, to understand, accept,to feel what it's really like to to be alive. Never before, yet I hope somedayagain, to feel happiness complete.I know now, it is possible. that Oh,thosewere thedoys, myfriend. Wethougluthey'd errd. never We'd singanddance . , . They do end, unforilnately. They begin anew, if you don't quit. PARTINGSM You won't have an affair with very nnny, at least not just percentage-wise, like women. Somewill like you but you won't like them, and vice versa,just like women. You'll fall in love andonceor twice your love will be retuffiod,for a time, just like women. Overall it's not much different, just far, far, far more exciting, exacerbating,exhilarating, exhausting, expensive, explosiveand yes, far more exquisite. During your affair she can, and will, change direction dramatically in less than two week's time. You will be the innocent bystander struckby her careening truck of life. Always keep your circle of young friends intact. When the tire tracks acrossyour chesthave disappeared can start again. you Young women are sent by the gods to test you ys, but to keepyou hurnbleas well. Whenyou endup sitting acrossfrom

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DreamCoedat thatwedding reception dinner,try to remember, "ft's just a game. EvenJerryWest,the greatest " clutchplayer of all time, missed few whenit was all on the line. a You haveto be the aggressor. will not cometo you. Get She out there and find her, meether and talk with her. It's all up to you, everything. Don't forgetwhatLombardisaid,"There's " no suchthing as luck, only preparation meetingopportunity. BODY LAI\GUAGE SECRBTS A Guide During CourtshipAnd Dating In all editionsof HTDYw, emphasize crucialimportance I the of body language. Other books on this topic suck! to put it mildly. So, over the pastfive years,I wrote my own. As with everythingfrom SteelBalls Press,it's absolutely guaranteed moneyback no questions asked.Here's what one said. reviewer
Steele has written the benchmark book on courtship body language. Nothing else comes close. Money well spent.
TOM FRENCH, MIAMI IIERALD

This book helpsyou find, meet,talk with and datethe right kind of woman. I tell you honestlyand bluntly how you can makethe right impression a havebig impactat everysocial and gathering.50 photosplus provenmethods practicaladvice and let you know whatto look for, aswell aswhatto watchout for! Learn how you can tell from acrossthe room if she's and her interested her gestures the way shechanges posture. by find out if she'sonly beingpolite or if During conversation, interested you. she'ssincerely in Pay attention what she'ssayingwithoulwords.Don't get to Here a who is not interested. shotdownby approaching wornan are some signs of interestsent from acrossthe room. The the of sequence the list approximates courtshipsequence.
I'M INTERESTED Sidelongglance(s) Looks at you a few times Holds your gue briefly Downcast eyes, then away Posturechangesto alert Preens, adjustshair, attire Turns body toward you DON'T BOTIMR ME Never sneaksa peek Fleeting eye contact l,ooks away quickly l.ooks away, eyes level Posture unchanged Does no preening Turns body away

ClosingAdvice Tilts head Matches your posture Smiles Eyes sparkle Licks her lips Thrusts breastsslightly Head remains vertical Postureunchanged Neutral, polite face Normal or dull eyes Keepsmouth closed breasts Sagsto de-emphasize

From Across The Room. In thefirst photo, she loolcsat the mnn she wants with a slight smile on her face. Notice that her wine glass is not directly infront of her as a barrier. Also notice that her empty hand is relaxed on her lap. In the secondphoto, she has looked at him again. Note that she lns removed her qe glasses (barrier) and has barely tilted her head. Her smile is slightly bigger. In the third photo, she has put her wine glass and her qe glassesdown. Her posture lms shiftedfrom relaxed to erect and ready. She has turned so tlnt her breastsface the nutn directly. Notice the open hand on her lap and uncrossed legs with feet Finnlly, notice andreadine.ss. flat onthefloor, signsof openness preening by checking her earring. she is

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In Summary.Frequency eyecontact,the more the better. of Amountof time sheholdsyour gura,the longerthe better.How shebreaksoff eye contact,down beforeaway is great! Shineof the eyes,the brighterthe better.Directionof body, towardyou is good. Overallposture,erectand alert are good. Tilt of head,verticalis bad. Where drink is held, in front as a barrier is bad. Hand activity, clenched,squeezing pinching is bad, but open, or caressing strokingis great. or Preening, adjusting checking any or ofjewelry is good.Also fluffing up her hair or straightening attire is good. her Get this book! It givesyou that confidence-building edgeyou needas you starton this adventure. Later, with experience and you'll be able the self assurance comeswith your success, that to skip muchof the preliminarybullshit! $24 postpaid. OFFICE POLITICS The [YoungJ Woman'sGui"deTo Beat The System I guarantee to be a fool-proof conversation this starteranywhere. Better, it's the perfectmeansto makeher think about you when you're not around.And betteryet, sheseesyou its the from. You just discovered a guy she can learn something of this in Talk With Her. importance Write your nameandaddress the insidecover.Stickyour on the s i nter esti ng conversation-startingbusi ne s cardbetween pages arises,lend it to her. as a bookmark.When the opporhrnity Now, shehasyour office andhomephoneplus knowswhere you live. Shemay drive by and *accidentally" bump into you. an Or, you might experience unusualfeeling that she "was Helpfal Hints.) nearbythe other day.' (SeeUpdnted Many guys give it as a gift to get her attentior, then move on up the courtshipladder! Non-committalbut personal.As a gift it says, without words uYou're smart. I like you." , via Dynamite!$24 postpaid priority mail. DON'S I,JPDATE On page191I said,*. . . theybeginanew,if you don't quit." Tina 19, Betsy19, thenMartha?A,who was After Carlac:rme Next was Sue, 28. We madeit in so responsible comparison. for over a year with no grief of any kind. Humrnm?Perhaps this is better?Then cameAnn, 26. We lastedfour years!

ClosingAdvice

195

It wasJune.Every afternoon wentto Bob'sBig Boy to cool I off with a Diet Cokeandthe sportspage.I was53 andthought I had quit foreveruntil my waitress, Joanna 19,bentway over , to wipeoff thetablebeside - Jeezeeus buru! Six weeks wlwt me later,insanely love.Now, five years in later,lunch.Two months later, we're happilymarried!

From page45, There The moral?Don't quit. The message? confessed aref*v, if any, accidents. monthsinto it, Joanna Six that shehad bent over to get my attention. I morethanlife, morethanall others Gentlemetr, love Joanna That alone, really mearui. We areone,whatoneness combined. has madeeverythingyou've read aboutworth the effort! Our

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commiffd, d*p, abidinglove makeslife's strugglea joy when it's easy,andendurable whenmisforhrne strikes,asit does.She is the one I was looking for when I set out on this questway back in '82. Somedxy, may you find your Joanna! LTPDATE1997-1998 So many guys, more than 4000, havewritten sinceHTDw wasfirst published.Over400 haveattended seminarand 1000 a plus havebenefittedfrom counseling. Guys who write usually always ask one or more of these: What haveyou learnedsince 1987? What other bookshaveyou written? What elsedo you sell? AT]DIO TAPE SET To solve the problemsof more than half of my readers,I developed threegO-minute cassettes. During the first hour and a half, I sharewhat I've learned hard way since L987.I talk the candidlyaboutmy successes fuck-upsaswell assomethings and I've changedmy mind about such as losing weight through chemistryand using singlesadsto find a date. I answerconrmonquestions from the letters I've received over the years.Therearesomenew methods developed. I And, I expand a few finer pointsthatsomereaders on havehadtrouble gettingright. On the next two tapes, for three hours, I reinforce your you! To create knowledge I entertain as two these tapes,I edited the best of my radio interviewsinto an exciting, easyway to master the key points. Fundamentals amplified. Crucial are pointsare reiterated. Humor is rampant. The tapes are fun to listen to. It's an effortlessway to reinforce,throughrepetition,the principlesyou must learn. Your ultimategoal- don'tmakeit happer,let ithappen. Play thesetapesover and over asyou drive back andforth to work. your knowledge. Intensifyyour understanding you strengthen as Don't wastethat commutetime! If you liked my senseof humor in this book, I guarantee you'll love thesetapes!Four and one-halfhours of me at my via best! Only $39 postpaid priority rnail. JustDo It!

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2-HOUR VIDEODON SIEELE veniusiTV SHOW HOSTS Plus! Body Langwge From Seminars WatchmebattleJenny \ilhitney, MontelWilliams Jones, Jane and the ball bustersin their audiences. Everybodyloves this! Me too! After the shows,I addedhomevideo from my seminars on body language. The basicsarecovered you're prepared so to you. noticethe signals she'ssending JennyJones attempts ambush because a TV virgin. to I'm me But, I manage get in manykey points,andsomeof the finer to points,in spiteof the bitch. After losing my TV cherry, I was on with JaneWhitney. During this show, I generate supportfrom a few of the better looking young women!I explainhow, who and why as I give my views and ideas. By the time I madeit to MontelWilliams,I hadfiguredout TV's con gitme.The hosts,in cahoots with paid shills in the bashmale guests audience, because housewives watchingTV arepissedoff at their husbands ex-husbands. or I'm ready as I lay in wait for the angry, middle-Age, ugly ball busters stepinto my trap! You'll enjoyit!! to With eachshow, you learn more aboutwhy young women are the best and more abouthow to find, meet, talk with and datethem. Plus, 8s you watchme handlethe loadedquestions and the enraged womenin the audience, you'll becomemore confident about dealing with thesame typeof crap .$z4postpaid. DRESS FOR SUCCESSWITH YOI'NG WOMEN Body l-anguageSecrets;Peopleform 90 percentof their you opinionabout in thefirst 90 seconds. Nonverbal signals have five timesmore impactthanverbalsignals. particular,your In appearance communicates. wayyouaredressed The dictates how othersrespond you. to So what?you say.Get this video! Body LanguageAnd DressFor Success 2-Hour Video Joannais spectacular! Frank! Funny! Bold! Honest! We captured everything tapingwith two cameras entiretime. by the We shotit beforea largegroupof guyswho ownBodyLanguage Secrets well as How To Date YoungWomen. as Joanna, volunteers I demonstrate signsof interest and key and

r98

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disinterest,from acrossthe room and when engaged verbal in intercourse. Emphasis placed how subtlesome is on signals are, aswell ashow to tell which oneis a RapoPlayerandwhich one is a genuinehumanbeing! Joannapresents views on no no's, hair, teeth and any her guyswanted hearabout.Sheranges subject the to from sexwith a youngwomanthroughtoupees, SUVs,pickuptrucks,t-shirts, jeans, sideburns,music, hair dyes, long hair, sports cars, earrings,Dockers,penny loafers, and on and on. Extremely informativeas well as fun and entertaining. You get a 9O-minute audiocassette the highlightsforfree! of Watchthe video! Slamin the audiotapewhile you drive. I am a firm believer in REPETITION as the key to learning this indispensable of courtshipand dating. skill Seeit. Listento it. Understand RETAIN it. Watchit again. it. Make notes.Listento it again.Readthe book again.Within a few weeks, entiresubject burnedintoyourmemory.Ther, the is you are sitting in a cafe doing Body LangungeSecrets when (watching homework the couples notlisteningto words)your and storehouse information is readily available.BAM! body of languagebecomessomethingyou speak, read, transmit and you aredressed success entiretime. receive!Of course, the for via $39 postpaid priority mail.

VolumeII Advonced Skills

After L2 moreyearsof learning hardrvay,R. Don Steele the returns!Tightenyour jock! Readhis brutallyhonest answers to questions what-if scenarios and from more than 6000 readers. counseling Stir in theresults 32 seminars, of over 1000 sessions, 274 radio interviewsand4 nationalTV appearances you're and in for an exhilaratingexperience. Realisticmethods soundadvicefrom a guy who hasbeen and at this sincehe was 321Now 58, andmarried,yes, married,to his Joannd BardotLopez,24, Steele forcefullyexpands kickass, no-nonsense approach. hasincludeda lengthychapter,For He Married Men Over 35! 352 pageslong! comparedwith the Edition's208! Revised

Closing Advice

EXCERPTS LENGTHY
mustbe obqed. Nature, to be commnnded, BACON T597 FRANCIS

VW ShePicks You
night at a sprawling, You areat a crowdedparty on Saturday home in the hills. Peoplefrom all walks of life are expensive is in here.The crowd ranges agefrom 12 to'18. The occasion party. host's annualSummerSolstice the Imaginea 27 year old, naturalblonde,about5 feet 5 inches tall, weighing I20 lean, meanpoundswith C cups,baby blue 'We all agreethat eyes,perfectwhite teethand an IQ of 140. .2 on a scale 10. of she'sa solid9 red dressaboutfour inches She'swearinga fire-engine sheath below her knees.It is split up the back to about four inches aboveher knees. by Her hair is long andwavy. She'sstanding the kitchensirrk glassof champagne looking the leaningagainst countersippinga the as over the party guests they sample hors d'oeuvres. brother, She'sneverbeenmarriedbut RandyRedPorsche's two DannyManly, a firem&r, broke off their engagement years ago. For the past few monthsshe'sbeencasuallydating a 32 year old guy who is worth abouta half a million. He usesher a28 yearold surf bumwho lives asan ann charm.Shealsosees worker He's a construction half a block from her apartment. when he needsmoney.He could take her or leaveher. She makes $32k as a Contract Administrator for a big company. Shegivesyou the quick onceover, then looks away.A few minuteslater, you seeher studyingyou out of the cornerof her eye. Knowingwhatyou do abouther, whatdo you think shewants from you?How will you haveto comeacross whenyou talk with her?Doesshewant you to tell her shehasbeautifulhair?Who is your competition? What doeshe havethat you don't have? What do you havethat shewants? You notice a 24 year old brunettelaughing loudly in the dining room. She's5 feet 3 incheswith extremelyshort hair.

HOW TO DATE YOUNGWOMEN

Tight jeans reveal a set of hips like Marilyn Monroe. She's underher cottont-shirt, packinga pair of 34 B's. We'd braless all sayshe'sa 7.8 looks-wise. IQ is about115. Her Two yearsago shemovedto LA from Minnesotaafter she brokeup with her collegeboyfriend.Sheworksfor aninsurance pushingpaper,making$23k. Shehad a 25 year old company boyfriend for six monthsbut he treatedher like shit. A month to agoshegot up to courage moveout. Sheliveswith two other
young women. She holds your glance, smiles, looks down before returning to the conversation with two college guys. Knowing what you do about her, what do you think she wants from you? How will you have to come acrosswhen you talk with her? Does she want you to glance at her bralesstits? Who else wants her? What doeshe have that you don't have?What do you have that she wants?

BEAUTY CHOOSES likespot two youngwomen Do you think eitherof these

bellies?How 'bout a few strandsof hair combedover bald heads? to My point?It is within the power of your commonsense you are NOT in the no chance,Jack category make sure that women. of good-looking the Desirablewomenchoose men they want, not the other womanfindsalluringis up to her. way 'round.Whata desirable You must be what shewants. VALI'ES AI{D GOALS PLUS hIEEDS Dependingon her ageand history of good and bad times at the handsof men, beginningwith Daddy, she has an overall The youngonesmusthavea boyfriendaboveall else. agenda. If she's a divorcedmotherof 28, she is looking for stability, When she's 34, divorcedwith no children,she's if possible. entirely different. looking for something of A woman makeschoicesbecause what she believesin, where shewantsto endup and what's lacking in her life. Her on decisionalso depends which hormonesare dominatingher jumbled, that brain chemistry d"y, ornight! It's a contradictory, by priorities that serveas the standard set constantly-in-flux of your worthiness. which shedetermines

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A womandoesnot sit down ard rationally dcide where she is andwhereshewantsto go whenshetakesan older lover. She just doesit. Of the victorious maleswho court her, she selectsthe man More in a few pages. shefinds the most desirable. The choice a wonnn makeshas much to do with where we all camefrom 60 million yearsago. WHY BEFORE HOW happens, If you know why something You can learn how to control what happens.The quotemy Grandpaused when he taught me this lessonwas, *The nran who knows how will always have a job. But the ilran who knows why, will be his " the boss. The next chapterexplains why. AUTHOR COMMENTS I have receivedover 4000 lettersfrom guys. In September publication of 1997,my newsletter, Men Of SteelBalls,began as well as being postedon the internet.Over 2200 guys have sincethen! emailedme with their feedback and questions This book is a combinationof what guys have askedabout and what I havelearned hard way since L987. the

Table of Contents
Why ShePicks You Sex Is NumberFour Summary Understand Women No More Mr. Nice Guy Get Out Of Your Rut IncreaseYour Confidence Success And MistakesTeach PolishYour Skills Where They Are How To Pick Up Girls? Start At The Top Angry fuid WhackoWomen Meeting Twelve StepProgram Body I-anguage Elaboration DressFor Success 1 5 12 23 3l 45 54 62 87 99 t16

r23
131

r39 r56 r62

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HOW TO DATE YOUNGWOMEN

PhoneAdvice AIDS Absurdity Sex Children? Let's JustBe Friends Dating Weight Control RandomTopics DeathAnd Divorce End Of Inve Seduction HuntersNot Gatherers Reality Check UpdatedHelpful Hints Married Men Over 35 Books Recommended Key Points

188 r97 204 213 2t7 219

24r
246 259 265 279 287 292 297 309 319 327

SUCCESSWITH YOI]NG WOMBN-I{EW VIDEO on focused thedictum, July '99, we heldanall dayworkshop 20 The ClothesMake The Man. Four youngwomenevaluated guys in writing anonymously using a seriesof specialforms e shownon pag I87. Theyjudgedtheman'soverallappearance, plushis radiance TheRightAttitude.Theguys of style,andtaste and were standitrg,walking, sitting, introducingthemselves talking with the young women. outfit. At noor, We beganwearingJohnMolloy's business began partyattire.Theevaluations casual into changed everyone The again.The mentried on threedifferentcolognes. women's reactionto eachscentwas secretlywritten on a sheettapedto backof his chair. the featuring youngwomenanswering A lengthypanelsession any and all questionsfrom the men, ranging from views on clear, Mostly,menwanted and prostitutes argylesocks tattoos. to on feedback how andwhat to improve.They got it! concise about gain franksuggestions: weight,bemoreexcited Honest, youhaircut,tell meabout in, you're interested wayshorter what talking with don't askaboutffie, stopwearing70sshirts,when jacket, lose 30 me-don'tbe so controlled,burn that polyester and longersideburns, much,muchmore. pounds,get contacts, eventof the day was a party until midnight in our The final

Closing'4dvice

203

gaveindividual,customized suggestions whereJoanna backyard guysheardher views on to any guy who asked any subject.The on rock and roll, psychotherapy,wine, suntans, hairstyle unbuttoningshirts, rild on and on into the night. changes, On their way out the door aftertheparty, eachguy wttsgiven 'We or wantd themto not bug Joanna Don his packetof forms. about what do you think this meansor why did she say that about this? They signed up to get brutally honest feedback They got it. anonymously. Related footage fromotherseminars some Don'spublic and of lectureswill be added. This 2-hourvideo (price to be determined) not be ready will until March 2000. Write for price and availability,please. A&E TAPES JOAI\NA AI{D DON.I{EW VIDEO October '99, the Arts and Entertainment Channelcame to Whittier and tapedJoannaand Don. They beganat noon and endedat 10 PM! During early negotiations what the shootwas about, the on producersaidhe legallycouldnot give us his footage.We had two of Don's fanstapewhatever A&E crew shot.No matter the where we went, thoseguys got it on tape. A&E began interviewingDon on camera anhour plus. by for Joannawas interviewedfor 20 minutes. Next, the producer wantedto capturea mini-seminar. Joannaand Don coached three guys who haveread Volume I. They did a bit of everything:body language,not wearing brown belts with blue slacks,manipulative women,answering leadingquestions, introducingyourself, revealingwho you are during conversation on and on. and Finally, we went to an art exhibitionandreceptionwherethe older threeguys interacted with sevenyoung womenprovided by the producer.Afterwild, eachof the guys and someof the youngwomenwere interviewedon camera aboutthe experience LOVE CHRONICLES begins A&E mid October'99. Our on show is titled AgelessLove. It is an hour long, scheduled for December,exactdateunknownat presstime. There are only M minutesof air time to cover 15 segments ten different and experts.We geta nril( of seven minutes,intercutandjuxtaposed with contrary or complimentary views and subjects.

204

HOW TO DATE YOUNGWOMEN

This 2-hourvideo (priceto be determined) not be ready will until March 2000.Write for price and availability,please. CRESCENT PT]BSINTERVIEW Don talkswith Alex Patterson, Editor of Playgirl, Managing Cheri, Hawk andLive YoungGirls. Get this tapeof the entire As interview,uncut,uncensored! alwsys,brutalhonesty.(Borun! RadioShows!) TV Onehour of excerpts from Seminars, Shows, to angst.What happens Dealing with their post-adolescent tells Why to RedPorsche. Steele themat25afterexposure Randy the his readers truth: "You'll only be able to date 10 percent of them.This is not easy.You will notbe gettinglaid a few days " and time,patience persistence. my afterreading books.It takes guy. Why you have Theidealyoungwomanfor a 40ishdivorced thru of to be a Man. The foundations BodyLanguageSecrets his training by NathanielBranden.Why youngwomenare so subtleandhow to dealwith that. Mandatoryreviewof On Not BeingToo Nice. PHOI\E CONSI]LTING and Most guyswho call areworkingon a youngwoman things Havingblown it before,they don't want to aregettingintense. step she blow thisonebefore . . . So,theypause, backanddon't phone My Get Ask questions. feedback. feefor one-time chase. is consulting $50 per half hour. Sendyour checkwith the date phone andtime you'd like to talk. Includeyour day andevening an alternate. I'll numbers. call andconfirmor suggest FREE NEWSLETTER! by subscription Men Of SteelBalls, Get a free three-month mail or for yearsvia email.Write or e-mail.Latesttechniques with correctivemeasures stories,mistakes and tips, success writes a columnbasedon your questions, Joanna suggested. AnswersOnly A YoungWomanKnowsandgivestips on how With YoungWomell. to DressFor Success by will answerconcisequestions e-mail, or Don or Joanna a snail mail, if you enclose SASE. Sendto SBP, Box 807, Whittier CA 90608.
com e-mail sbp@steelballs.com website: http://steelballs.

Closing,4dvice

MEN OF STEEL BALI-S DISCUSSION GROTJP W Don hostsa FREE online discwsion group for any guy who owruithis book. [f you want to Get ReadyFor Her and develop The Right Attitude quickest, join immediately. Go to http://steelballs.som look for the CLICK HERE TO JOIN and THE ONLINE DISCUSSIONGROUP.Readthat websiteand sendthe requested info. TIIE NIGHT ATTITADE IMPRO\MMENT WORI(SHOPS plus four moreyoungwomen,conducttwoDon andJoanna, day workshopseverysix monthsin LA. They focuson teaching you how to sit, stand, walk, dress, talk and act like L Man. yourself appropriately.What youngwomen Learnhow to assert honestlywant is malceclear to you. The next one is scheduld for January15-16,20(X). you missit, write us to find out the If datefor the next. Good 'luck.' R. Don Steele,rilhittier, California, October, L99g My daughter,Syndee,becamethe owner of SBP in April of 1999.All of the www improvements, newvideos,new seminars ile her ideas.If you have any thoughts,ideasor complaints, write to her at Box 807, tWhittierCA 90608.Or you can email her at syndee@steelballs.@m.

PLEASETURN THE PAGE FOR UPDATED HELPFUL HINTS

His toupeemnkehim look 20 yearssillier.

BILL DANA

UpdatedHelpful Hints
After thethird conversation, underanypretext,explainwhere you live and mentionthe address.*I live acrossfrom the " McKenna's,you know that family who alwayshasparties. I everyone . . "Really?You don't knowtheMcKenna's. thought and did, on the cornerof Descending Oak Canon.I live across Drive." the streetand down one house 2910Descending , The nexttime you seeher say, "You know, a coupleof days feelingyou werecloseby. Wereyou?" ago,I hadthe weirdest her No matterwhather wordssay, scrutinize reactionto seeif and was she drove by. If she did, she's extremelyinterested yourneighborhood hopingto bumpintoyou aswell asappraising andhouse. you By aSkitrg, are saying,"I think aboutyou." An oblique of exchange interestis the only way to fly, in the beginning. are at Acting classes junior or regularcolleges filled with the kind of young women who will date someoneyour age: tolerant non-conformist, avantgarde,independent, extroverted, or think or act like the crowd. Some of otherswho don't dress and knock outs. are all of this, plus they are stacked Get your tush into as a classtoday. You will get to readfor of many partsjust because your age. That meansyou get to acting interactwith youngwomenon an intimatelevel because requiresbeing emotional.Many wann-up and getting-in-touch exercisesrequire being nrlnerable, emotional and, tah da! physicalcontact!Dynamite! You're theonly man,with a capitalM. Shelikesyou because you you're differentfrom thetioys,notbecause do or don't have actingtalent. Different works.

AfutdMpfalffiints

207

mentionyou With any young wonran,in early @nversations movies.Add thatyour friendsconsideryou a romantic like these Heiglus,AficerAndA &rtleman, fool: esablanca, Wuthering Away. Enclwtted Cottage,@ne Wth The Wind, Ghost,Swept Whenshe'sreadyto watchamovieat yourplace,insertSwept you haven't seen Away. Say it's a foreign film with sub-titles Have a chilled bottle waiting. in years. Pour the champagne. Servepopcornand snacks.Write to me with the results. If you don't havea femalefriend to take you shopping,buy your sizeof theentireoutfit(s)on mannequin(s) upscale men's at Only do this after stores.That includes belt, socks shoes. the and you talk with the young wonranwho works there to find out ever5rthrng which outfits shelikes. Don't mix thepieces because must fit togethertastefully as it did on the mannequin. Get the latesteditionof Molloy's DressFor Success. Follow ' it religiously. If shedoesn'tlike champagne, Asti Spumante. get Cour her to take a sip by saying, "It tasteslike spumante crearn. " ice Californiaspumante 12percent. is Morebangfor thebuck. Bang away at her inhibitionswith the uriversal aphrodisiac. SEXT'AL FAVORS Many young womenwill forever adoreme because introI ducedthemto vibrators. Timing is everything,aswith the rest of love, andlife. The seeds mustbe plantedin a oh-by-the-way rnanner.Here are the actualscenarios some. of BarbaraKristin (Aclotowledgements) I were three hot and weeksinto it. During pillow talk sheconfidedthat shehad only come once, at the hand of her boyfriend. In a sharingw&y, I saidmy ex-wifehada similar"sinratiotr,"addingcasually,*We solvedit by gettinga vibrator. If you want . . . I'll get one?' Three nights later shecameat leastfifty times. Wow! A few weeks later, she and her best friend were laughing about"Going out with Vic.' Later, I asked who Vic wils. Barb whispered,*That's what Terri namedher vibrator. I got brave and told her aboutmine.' SueTsunoda-Carroll, and divorcd (quoted the themc 28 as pageof thisbook)wasanengineer. Like manyin thatprofession, she was saddledwith a rigid reserye. After two weeks she revealedthat she had never comewith, or for, anybody.That

208

HOW TO DATE YOUNGWOMEN

night after sharing much universal aphrodisiac I declared I wanted to watch her masturbate, sincerely adding how hot it would make me. It took her 10 minutes of hard finger rubbing to come, but she was proud and so pleasedto have surrendered, finally. On the next date, with grand ceremotry, I gave her a giftwrapped vibrator with hand-written card, "Good for one free lesson.Love, Don. " On Sunday,shetook it home, "to practice." The next weeketrd,and for the next year that we were involved, she came every time, often three times a night. The advantagethat old farts like you and me have is that by being on the planet this long we can rcalize that it doesn't matter how she arrives, as long as she comes. The spiritual, mystical benefit is that she will never forget you, no matter what. In that sense,you'll live as long as she does! You owe your young woman! Do this for her becauseof what #she is doing for you-giving you a new leaseon life. htt your 1950smodel, male ego in the trash and enjoy her ecstacy. I]PDATED ABSOLUTE NO NO'S hiking boots, constructionworker shoes, Pony tails, goatees, flarurel shirts, grunge clothing . . In short, never anything trendy. Absolutely do not try to look young by wearing what the young wear or driVe, like Jeeps.

Sexpecfations
Women Talk FranklyAbout SexAnd Dating
I discovered a powerful new book and recommend it highly. It got a kickass review by PI'4WOY. You get strong reinforcement of the knowledge and understanding you've already developedfrom reading How To Date Young Womell. And, it will help you know the young woman's mind more clearly, with emphasison her values and goals. You will grasp firmly what she thinks and believes about sex and sexuality. It rings true with my 27 years of experience! Get it today. to Ron Louis presentswomen's responses questionsall men want answers to. Unlike other all other "authors" who asked women what they want from a man, Louis got women to tell the truth! Everything they say corresponds exactly with my

UpdatedHelpful Hints

209

experience as a single man. Most powerfully, his sections on the ones we're interested in, Girls Next Door and the subject we're most interested in Romance and Dating are stunningly true, practical, useful and realistic! Sexpectationshelps you finetune what you learn from my books. PIAreOY, October 1997. Ron Louis interviewed women about their sexual and dating experiences. One bit of advice offered that rang true was the worst taboo was to be needy. Further, you don't build confidence by asking women out and working through rejections. Louis suggests going to any place that truly interests you and women with similar interests will follow. You don't find women, they find you. R. Don Steelesays,Amen, brother. Letit happetr,don't make it happen! Ron Louis brings a unique male perspectiveto the interviews. His gritty and straightforwardstyle gets you women's practical advice to men on how to approach and succeedwith women. Prepare to be entertained and aroused, shocked and amused. Sexpectationswill open your eyes to the wide spectrum of women's sexual experiences and desires. WARNING! I have gotten many complaints from guys who object to the frank descriptionsolder women use to explain what they like. If unusual or kinky turns you off, as it does ffie, do what I did andjust skim thoseparts.[Definitionof KINKY: what other people like that you don'tll There are very few books that are realistic and practical. This one is useful to older men learning how to date young women becauseit validates and vindicates what you have learned by reading How To Date Young Women Volumes I and II. Sexpectations also preparesyou for someof the older women that you will date as you gradually move down the age ladder. That is, it prepares you so that you won't show how shocked you are when a woman you've been dating for several months boldly proposes something you have never tried. Hey! I was shocked, stunned and amazed several times. It didn't kill me. I wish I had known that many older women like what I consider to be weird. My face probably wouldn't have looked so, uh, uh, pale?and, uh, uh, my eyesprobably wouldn't have, uh, bugged out so far?

210

HOWTODATEYO(NGWOMEN

Threesome
How to Make Your Favorite FantasyCome True
Lori Gammon I havegottennothingbut ravesfrom the men, and women, boughtthis! I agree! This is the only book ever written that explainsexactlyhow to make your sexualdreamscometrue. If you can handlethe most powerful and dramaticchangeyou'll ever make in your sex life, keepreading. Lori Gammon her advenftres uses ownintimate bi-sexual over for this stepby stepguide. Shelays out a carefully craftedplan that makesit possiblefor both menand womento learn what it takesto enjoy a threesome. A man discovershow to delicately,and sensitivelyfan his passions a until shebecomes passionate, wife's or lover'ssecret of willing seducer the womenneeded. Men and womenwill learn exactlywhat to say and when to you time, Lori prevents sayit for maximumimpact.At the same desire.You from usingwordsandactionsthat instantlysquelch evenlearnhow to dressfor success! their girlfriends and female Womendiscoverhow to seduce L,ori or of with acquaintances no danger rejection embarrassment. explains why shy women can't openly admit they want a that techniques open tactfulseduction She threesome. thenreveals floodgateof eagerfemininedesire. a and women wantthey bisexual understand Lori helpseveryone want. Thus, everyonecanfollow her simple,expertadviceon to moreappealing bisexualwomen,the how to makethemselves womenall of us needto fulfill our favorite fantasy. Single men learn how to recruit bi-curious and bisexual can women, one at a time, so a threesome be createdin the how guys,marriedor singlecanintroduce future. Lori explains shy womento eachother. And of course,sheexplainshow a guy can tactfully broachthe subject,then explainhis desires, successfully! that I I've have never, ever found a book on relationships could standbehinduntil this one camealong! a with my menage trois The adviceringstrue andcoffesponds

UpdatedHelpful Hints

211

Except for two, every young womanI datedfor experiences. more than a few monthsrevealedshe was bi-curious or had sexualencounters with other young women. Threesome written by someone was who hasbeenthereand donethat for 15 years!Her chapters seduction, on alone, are worththepriceof thebook.You get232pages reality:how, of who, when,where,why andwhatto do to arrange threesome. a It's like my books, factual, practical, realistic and basedon experience. Lori hascovered aspects, all your questions anticipated and has ways to keepyou from screwingup this grand adventure! Orderthis book!

A Man's Guide to Women

This book hasbeensentto me by about50 readers! The first time I readit, I keptsaying,"Thesefucksrippedoff my book!" I'd look at the copyrightdateand s&y,"Nope!" I love it no matterhow geekyit is. The subtitletellsyou that, A ManualFor Understanding Opposite The Sex.No matter,it's full of usefuldataevenif it is only 80 pages long andreadslike a TechManual.I'd betbig buckstheauthors aerospace are Tech Writers. It's not entertaining. is powerfullypracticalfor everyMan, It guyswho are inexperienced recentlydivorced. especially or T]I\RECOMBOOI(S Guysoftenaskabout Ross Jefferies. reply: If you've seen My him, you'vegotto knowhe'sa phony!Ugly, skinny,suspicious and repulsive. Sweatyhands, bitten riails, cornered-rateye movements body language. you haven'tseenhim, he's and If a fast-talking snake salesman victimizeslonely, socially oil who ineptmqn. He promises these desperate, guysthat his hopeless will $895seminar getthem.If thatdoesn'twork, hehasa $30@ seminar. PaulJeffreyRoss,his real narne,hasa "sure fire solution" that'snothing.Used sales car talkandhlpno-psychobabble stolen from AnthonyRobbirn,the informercialparasite who promises powerless peoplehe will makethempowerful. Paul Ross is a loser who couldn't get laid on Sunsetwith engravings Ben Franklinpasted over himself. of all

SBP,BOX807,WHITTIER 90608 CA
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REAIIERSACNEE
O A superb book, well worth the price! Page after page recount mistakes I made. After I followed your advice, what a difference! Ttranks. DOUGPAI"ASCHAK Ventura CA o You have made a signifrcant contribution to the mental health of every divorce, over 35 guy who is crary enough to want the best life has to offer. At 4L, I spent a glorious vacation in the tropics with a 23 year old as part of a torrid one-year affair. I am really grateful. EUCLID MEJIA, New York I\fY O I learned so much that I'm now dating a 25 year old and am making progress with a 22 year old at the local spa! I'm 42. Thanks sincerely. BARRYBOCCHIEN,TrentonNJ o I just turned 40 and am divorcing. Your book will save me years of pain and anguish as well as add years of pleasure, truth and beauty to my life. Thanks! HonoluluHI DA\m FERGUSON, o I am 43 and am currently cultivating a 2O and 23 year old while dating a 27 year old. Your book is better than my two older brothers combined. You opened my eyes to many possibilities and much that I never even considered before. TOM BILLOTTI, Massapequa M o I made every mistake you brought up, but you explain the whys, now I understand what I did wrong. It has been a valuable education that will continue, I'm srlre. WOLF P[WC, Union City CA o A book for adults, shockingly candid. It's for every man who has longed for the perfect beauty that is only embodied in a young woman. I've found that beauty! JOHN L. QUEL, BellinghamWA o Im 4L. I used techniques from (Jnd.erstand, Her, court Her and Th,e Rtsht Attituda I'm dating 26 year old Bettia and about to score with Motly, 19! Thanks a million, bro,! DOUGSMITH, W pat- BeachFL

TEI,EVISION SHOWS
See Don Steeledo battle with the belligerent hosts and the ball bustersin their audiences: Montel Wlliarns fane Whitnq Jenny lones Now available!All three shows on a 2-hour tape. See information at back of book.

RAIIIO ITITERVIEWS
Listen as Don Steelereinforces key points made in the bookwhile heentertains informs.Over 1.50 including: and John Gambling WOR Ken and Barklq KABC Danrry Bornduce WLUP Swan Bray WWDB David Gold IilIF Chnrles GoyetteI{TAR Tom Lqkis KFI Jay ThomnsKPWR Chnrlie Tunn KODJ Barry YoungKFW Larry Glick WDH Mike Pintek KDIU GwenFaulconer I{TOK SteveRwseU KFAN SebastianWCCC foe Bolnnnon WBBM CarolYnFox WHJY RandYMiller IGEQ
SYNDICATED

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