JAMAICAN JOKES ENT.

Cant stop laughing

Yuh a go dead wid laugh!
By: Christine H. Christine

Jamaican Jokes

This is just a few jokes to keep you laughing . It is said that laughter is good medicine, so after reading these jokesyuh a go dead wid laugh! Some content are for adults only, so use discretion around children under 18 years of age.

Table of contents

Chapter 1 . Accident Report Chapter 2 . Big Shot Jamaican Chapter 3 . Dig up the Garden Chapter 4 . Dulcie in Court Chapter 5 . Dwight Nelson Chapter 6 . Aliens in Jamaica Chapter 7 . Jamaican Child Letter to Santa Chapter 8 . Jamaican Comedy Videos & Books

Dont forget your Jamaican CookBooks

http://www.amazon.com/Real-Taste-Jamaica-Rev-Ed/dp/1894020863/?tag=crs0a-20

JAMAICAN JOKES (KMR) Kiss Mi R. Dead Wid Laugh!!

Accident Report

A Lady was travelling along Caledonia road in Mandeville, when she was involved in a traffic accident with a man who was driving a car. They both agreed to go to a nearby police station to make a report. Here's the dialogue of her conversation with the police officer on duty: Lady: Mawning offica Officer: Mawning Maam Lady: I'm here to report an accident Officer: Go ahead Maam Lady: Offica, mi seh mi a cum enuh, and when mi realise the man a cum too, mi start blow the man, and all di blow mi a blow the man, him still cum inna mi. Officer: Lady it look like a sex argument yuh a talk bout. Lady: No offica, but look how the man mash up the whole a mi front.

Big Shot Jamaican

Joe grew up in Jamaica, then moved away to attend college and law school. He decided to come back to Jamaica because he felt he could be a Big Shot at home. He really wanted to impress everyone. So he returned and opened his new law office in New Kingston. The first day, he saw a man coming up the passageway. He decided to make a big impression on this potential client when he arrived. As the man came to the door Joe picked up the phone. He motioned the man in, all the while talking. "No. Absolutely not. You tell those clowns in New York that I won't settle this case for less than one million. Yes, the Appeals Court has agreed to hear that case next week. I'll be handling the primary argument and the other members of my team will provide support. Okay, tell the DA that I'll meet with him next week to discuss the details." The "conversation" went on for almost five minutes. All the while the man sat patiently as Joe rattled off instructions. Finally, Joe put down the phone and turned to the man, "I'm sorry for the delay but as you can see, I'm very busy. What can I do for you?" The man replied, "I'm from Cable & Wireless, the telephone company, I come to hook up your phone."

Dig Up The Garden

An old man lived alone in St. Mary, Jamaica. He wanted to plough his field to plant potatoes, but it was very hard work, and he was unable to do it alone. His only son, who would have helped him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his predicament. Shortly, he received this reply, "Papa, beg yu nuh dig up the garden, that's where I buried the GUNS!" At 4 a.m. the next morning police and soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, without finding any guns. Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened, and asking him what to do next. His son's reply was: "Now plant yu potatoes, Papa. Is the best I could do at this time."

Dulcie In Court

Late ketch Dulcie, suh she decide fi tek a short cut. As she a mek har way through di bush, two man ole har dung an rape har. She report it to di police, who ketch di man dem afta couple a days. When di case reach a court, Dulcie had to tek di witness stand. Here's a bit of the court transcript ... Clerk of the Court: Miss Black (Dulcie), please describe to the court what happened on the night in question. Dulcie: Well sah, as a was mekkin mi way through di bush, dem two man deh just jump out pan mi, hol mi dung, tear aff mi draws and push dem c*cky inna mi p*ssy! Judge: Please, please, please, please, Please. Miss, could you please be kind enough to use the proper names for the body parts in question! Dulcie: Wah yuh mean sah? Judge: Please say he pushed his penis into your vagina. Dulcie: OK sah. Clerk of the court: Please continue Miss Black. Dulcie: As a wuz sayin, dem ole mi dung and push dem, ahm ... excuse mi sah, a wah yuh seh a di nickname fi c*cky an' p*ssy is again?

Dwight Nelson - I CAN'T RECALL Jamaica's Minister of National Security, Senator Dwight Nelson, occupied the witness stand for several days at the Manatt/Dudus Enquiry. During numerous exchanges, lawyers for the People's National Party who attempted to question him, found that his standard answer to most of their probing questions was the now infamous line, "I CAN'T RECALL". Apparently Minister Nelson couldn't remember much of the details of just about anything! Picture Disclaimer The pictures here are intended solely for entertainment purposes and simply meant to help bring humor and entertainment to Jamaicans and fans of Jamaica all over the World. Ultimately, we mean no disrespect or mis-intent to any one individual or group of individuals. We believe that the picture featured here is not subject to copyright, however if an individual or company has a specific claim as the creator or owner of this item, please inform us and we will have it removed immediately.

Aliens In Jamaica

There was this couple sitting on the porch in Westmoreland, Jamaica watching the sun go down. All of a sudden this shooting light went across the sunset. Wife: "A wha dat?" Husband: "A mus' one space ship." Wife: "Spaceship???? You damn Eeediat!!" A little while later the couple went back into the house. Suddenly there was a knock on the door and the husband opened it. There was an alien couple on the doorstep. Alien Male: "Good evening, we come in peace. May we rest in your dwelling while our space ship is fixed?" The husband's eyes almost popped out of his head because the female alien had a WICKED body. Husband: "Come een, come een. Of course you can come an' res' yuhself." So the husband and wife fed and watered their guests and showed them to their room for the night. Male Alien: "Where we come from it is our tradition to swop partners when we have guests." Well, the husband was up to it, because the female alien was seriously turning him on with her looks. Husband: "Well, dats alright with me." Wife: "Oh, I don't know, because I don't really believe in dat kind of t'ing." Husband: "Come on honey, is only a lickle bit of fun, an nobody nuh gwine know." Wife: "Well, OK then." The male alien takes the wife into his room, and, knowing that she wasn't 100% comfortable with the idea, he was very gentle and gave her plenty foreplay. When they got into the swing of things the male alien asked, "would you like a bit more length?" Wife: "Likkle more length,? hee! hee!, a wha yuh mean? How you gwine do dat?"

So the alien twists his right ear, and presto!, his willy gets longer. Well the wife was having a whale of a time when the Alien asked, "would you like a bit more width?" Wife: "Width! Well, OK then." So the alien twists his left ear, and presto!, his willy gets fatter. The following morning the wife wakes up with the biggest smile you can imagine on her face and walks into the living room to find her husband looking vex sitting on the sofa.

Wife: "Hello darling, did you have a good night last night?"

Husband: "Stuups ..... No! All night long di damn woman just deh deh a twis up, twis up mi rass ears dem".

Jamaican Child Letter to Santa

Dear: Santa, I know u probably wonderin why I writin yuh one day after Christmas, but afta openin mi presents dem mi did haffi write yuh.

Santa mi was a very good girl, mi listen to mi mada and help har out. Santa mi study real hard inna School, hard till mi all come fuss inna mi class. Mi mek it mi duty fi be Nice and not to be Naughty Santa. Santa when mi write mi Christmas list dis year, mi ask yuh fi a Barbie Princess Doll, ah Dora Di Explora TV, an a Cabbage Patch. So Santa, How di BLOODLCOT afta readin di list, yuh left mi a Fuccin light up YoYo, one plastic Tea Cup Set, and a Rass no name dolly wah look like she have Polio an a dead from Marli Gripe. Iz Edda yuh blind ar yuh cyann BLOODCLOT Si !..

YUH Si ALL NEXT YEAR, NUH BADDA TRY SQUEEZE YUH BIG FAT DUTTY RASS TRU MI CHIMNI !!!

Dont forget to pick-up these great Jamaican items from Amazon

Get some of the best Jamaican comedy videos below

http://www.amazon.com/Bashment-Granny-Garfield-Reid/dp/B001KGDNLQ/?tag=crs0a-20

http://www.amazon.com/MAN-THIEF-VARIOUS/dp/B002HXVT6M/?tag=crs0a-20

http://www.amazon.com/Soh-Wi-Joelle-Cohen-Wright/dp/0982998406/?tag=crs0a-20

Movie Videos

http://www.amazon.com/One-Love-Ky-Mani-Marley/dp/B000WFGQIS/?tag=crs0a-20

http://www.amazon.com/COP-BADMAN-VARIOUS/dp/B004HHJ3BO/?tag=crs0a-20

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