Does "I" exist? ------ A Teaching given by H.H. Penor Rinpoche November 12, 1999 .

Does "I" exist? Within this world, the most powerful obscuration or negativity is known as the g rasping of self, the "I", or the ego. When one just thinks of "I" and has that k ind of strong ego and pride, then within that kind of mind-stream it is very dif ficult to have these Dharma teachings and practices. Pride or the ego is like an iron ball which pulls us down. If we carefully investigate ourselves, we will not find an "I" existing in reali ty. We think, "I am," and "He is," or "She is," but when we examine truly, these are not existing in an absolute sense. For example, we may think of our body as "I," but when we investigate we can see that the body is not the "I." The "I" f eels happy, the "I" suffers, the "I" has this pain and sickness, and then the "I " dies. But when at death the five aggregates of our physical bodies die, still our external body is there, but it no longer has all those kinds of experiences of happiness or pain. For example, when the dead body burns in the fire, it does not feel the heat at all. When it is buried under the ground, there is not any kind of feeling either. Even when it is eaten by dogs and vultures, there is no pain at all. When death happens, all the pains and sufferings associated with th e body are no longer there. Even right now if we try to find this "I" within our body, from top to bottom, w e cannot really find it. When we investigate, asking: Is the head the "I?" Is th e eye the "I?" Is the nose the "I?" Is the chest the "I?" We cannot find in any part what we call the "I." There is no way we can find our mind, our "I," there. In the relative bodily existence, it is our mind's grasping of subject and objec t through which we think there is this "I" and through which we experience thing s. It is merely created by the conceptual mind. Verbal speech, also, when we inv estigate and divide past, present and future, then we cannot find what is called speech. It is just in our mind What mind is So the mind - does it need to be something which we can see? If we think that wh at has pain, suffering, problems and so forth, that this is what is called the m ind, in this way we have to perceive the mind as something like a round ball. Wh en we investigate into the mind itself there is not anyone who can really percei ve a mind. At the same time, this mind does not really die. From beginningless lifetimes un til now, the mind of Samsara has just been getting rebirth over and over. The mi nd which has been conceptualized by having that thought of subject and object is that which binds oneself here. It is that which projects the external world and then one's body and so forth. But no matter how much we investigate, there is n o way anyone can perceive this mind. All the past Buddhas have explained that there is no way one can perceive the mi nd in the past, present and future. If it is self-existing, then we could see it , like a round pill or something! So why do we think that it has to be perceived as some "thing?" All these "things" are created by the mind. All the experience s of happiness and suffering of Samsara and nirvana - everything is just created by the mind itself. So we will find if we think over the absolute nature of the mind, it is definite ly emptiness. Some people might say, "Oh, my mind is very active and multicolore d! Maybe it is possible somebody might have it!" Or maybe somebody might say, "M y mind is something like a white light!" But it does not really exist in that wa y. When we don't control the mind and just let it be free, then it starts to create all these negative actions and thoughts. That is why in these practices which w e call meditation, although there are many levels of meditations, whatever the D harma teachings that have been taught by all the Enlightened Buddhas, it is main ly to subdue this mind and to tame this mind. It is to recognize the fault of th

e mind is conceptual thought, which is a very dualistic thing where there is alw ays subject and object, and this binds us into Samsara or cyclic existence. At t he same time we try to realize its absolute nature, to realize or recognize this , and that is the most important part of our practice. When lama gives all these teachings, the practitioner receives them and tries to put them into practice and then they say, "Oh! I recognize the nature of the mi nd!" But by just recognizing the conceptual mind, it is very difficult that one could attain Enlightenment. That which creates all these emotions and conceptual thoughts - that is called the mind. But the actual practice is of something whi ch is beyond that kind of conceptual mind, which is known as wisdom. It is that which we need to realize. So we cannot achieve the ultimate happiness just by re cognizing the conceptual mind. There are many kinds of practices which aim to pacify all these kinds of negative thoughts and to control the afflicted mind, to purify and abandon them. When we do these practices and achieve some tranquility through which we can concentrate our mind and make it very stable, then we can perhaps concentrate our minds on the emptiness through which we may achieve some realization. So when we practice meditation and manage to get kind of settled and stable, even having just a lit tle bit of experience of emptiness is really beneficial and can accumulate lots of merit. Emptiness and the idea of emptiness Emptiness is not something like just remaining there without having thoughts or anything at all. It has been said in the texts that if one does not know how to meditate properly on emptiness, then one can fall into the wrong pot. So one has to investigate the true nature of the mind in order to really establish its abs olute nature as emptiness, and this must be maintained through the practice of m editation. Emptiness which is merely emptiness, and the emptiness which is the nature of mi nd, are two different things. The one emptiness is kind of like nothingness. Thi s kind of nothingness emptiness in the Dharma teachings is explained by the exam ple of the rabbit's horn - something which does not exist at all. But the emptin ess of the mind, which does not have any form or colors or shape, is in certain ways non-existing, but at the same time this mind is everything. It is that whic h creates all these samsaric phenomena and all the nirvana phenomena. When you do meditation practice, it is good to cut through all these conceptual thoughts. To be without any such thoughts and then to remain in meditation is ve ry beneficial. This is what is known as samatha or tranquility meditation. If on e carries through with such meditation practice for awhile, one begins to have s ome stability of the mind, and then it is easier to achieve the vipassana or ins ight meditation practices. All Dharma teachings and practices have to follow through the proper lineage. Th at is to say, the lama, the master, must be really qualified to give these teach ings. Then the disciple, the practitioner, if he or she has really strong devoti on or faith, can understand through his or her actual practice. There is no othe r way to give and receive these teachings. So the lama, the master, must have that quality by which he can "read" the disci ple's mind. When the lama has that quality - the knowledge by which he realizes the mind-stream of the practitioner - then according to that knowledge he can gi ve the right introduction of the nature of the mind. For example, when the lama examines a practitioner, he can directly experience whether or not the practitio ner has the actual recognition of the nature of the mind. Other than that kind of direct mind-to-mind interaction, there is no way to expl ain, "Oh, the nature of mind is something like this." There are no words to hand le it. If there was any kind of expressway diagram about the nature of the mind, then we could just draw it and then explain, "Here! This is the nature of mind! " So it is important to carry through all the practices, constantly watching thr ough the samatha meditation practice, getting used to that kind of concentration of mind, so that there can be a way for one to have the true recognition of min d. The Tibetan word, "lama," means the Unsurpassable Teacher. The "la" is based on

the quality of the realization and the "ma" symbolizes the mother, the loving-ki ndness and affection that one needs to have, just like a mother gives to her chi ldren. All the past, present and future Buddhas obtained Enlightenment by relyin g upon the lama. There is not any Buddha who just by him or herself attained Enlig htenment. The lama, the master, means someone that has complete knowledge about all these practices. So all who just have a red cloth are not lamas. Those also who wear y ellow clothes, they are not necessarily lamas! Someone who has true purification and realization internally is who is known as the lama. And the lama's mind-strea m must have the genuine Bodhicitta to benefit all sentient beings. Meditation the Dzogchen Way Many of you are interested and have asked, "Please give us the Dzogchen teaching s." But even I myself don't know what is Dzogchen and I don't have anything to t each you! Anyway, as I explained to you earlier, if one practices the Bodhicitta, that kin d of pure intention to really benefit all other sentient beings, and then the sa matha meditation practices to establish one's mind in full concentration, then o f course there will be the Great Perfection ("Dzogchen") meditations. But if one cannot cultivate the Bodhicitta within one's mind, the path to Enligh tenment is already broken. Without Bodhicitta, there is no real path. Bodhicitta is that which is without any partiality. The pure intention of Bodhicitta, the thought to benefit all sentient beings without any exception, can be understood by realizing that in one or another lifetime, each being has been one's parent. If we understand this and think of how dearly they have taken care of us, then w e will feel grateful to all the parently beings and we can generate Bodhicitta t o all of them. This present body of ours is here because of our parents. If we did not have par ents, there is no possibility that we could have these bodies. And if we don't h ave this physical body, then we cannot accomplish any kind of worldly or Dharma activity. So our mothers are indeed very kind and we should be grateful. Of course, there are many kinds of parent-child relationships in this world, but we should remember that whether or not we are close to our parents is based on our own desires and our own thoughts. Beyond that sort of thing, the main meanin g here is that without our parents, we could not have this body, and because of this we should understand and be grateful for their kindness. So first one reall y concentrates on generating Bodhicitta based on one's gratefulness to this life 's mother, and from that one can extend this Bodhicitta to all sentient beings e qually. So the most important points are to have faith and devotion in the Dharma, then meditating and contemplating on Bodhicitta and compassion. Then one can apply th ese into practice through the meditations on emptiness. In the Dharma practice one should not think, "Oh, I am doing all this practice f or the benefit of this lama or for these Buddhas." Never think in this way. The Dharma practice is for yourself. Each and every one of you as individuals has to liberate yourself from Samsara. You are attaining Enlightenment for yourself. Y ou are attaining Buddhahood for yourself. By your practice, your lama is not goi ng to attain Enlightenment nor is Buddha going to attain Enlightenment! Buddha h as already achieved Buddhahood! And if you cannot attend to Dharma practice in t he proper way, then it is yourself who will fall down into the three lower realm s. It is not the lama or the Buddha who will fall into the lower realms! So, though it is important to think spiritually of one's own benefit and how one can attain Enlightenment, still the acheivement of that kind of liberation is b y the path of benefiting all other sentient beings. Without that kind of Bodhici tta one cannot attain complete Enlightenment. The Bodhicitta we can generate right now, however vast, is beneficial. In the fu ture, when one attains Enlightenment, according to the vastness of that Bodhicit ta, that many sentient beings can benefit and liberate themselves from the suffe rings of Samsara. Right now we cannot really perceive all that fruition, but if we continue to practice, then in the future we will realize it as a direct perce ption.

Keeping Courage Buddha Amitabha, for example, ultimately achieved that kind of result from his g eneration of Bodhicitta and his accumulation over many countless years of practi ces of commitments and aspiration prayers. So even as the Amitabha Buddha achiev ed Enlightenment over a long time based on aspiration prayers and the commitment to benefit all sentient beings, so we as practitioners must constantly apply th e practice of the six perfections to benefit all other beings. The Buddha Amitabha did not just do these aspiration prayers once or twice, or m ake this kind of commitment just one or two times. It was over many aeons that h e practiced these aspirations and commitments, such that whoever hears the Amita bha's name and does supplication prayers to Amitabha, they will instantly be bor n in his pure land. If one has single-pointed devotion to Amitabha Buddha and on e carries through all of these supplication prayers, then even oneself as an ord inary person with an afflicted mind can be reborn in his pure land. It is all be cause of Amitabha Buddha's special aspiration prayers. So although there are cou ntless Buddhafields, the Amitabha Buddha's pure land is very special because of these reasons. We all could also achieve that kind of completion when we attain Enlightenment i f we continue on the path and carry through our practices, generating Bodhicitta in as vast a way as possible. So we should not lose courage, thinking, "Oh, I c annot do it. I could never attain that kind of Enlightenment." It is not good to lose one's courage like that. Think instead that all these past Enlightened Bei ngs, all the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas, they also attained Enlightenment and ulti mate realization by beginning the same as us, standard beings, and if they could attain Enlightenment, we can also attain that same kind of realization. So today, though there is much that has been taught, if one can just try to keep in one's mind to have one hundred percent devotion to Buddha, Dharma and Sangha , and if one will train one's mind by generating Bodhicitta and carry though the practices, then one can definitely have this kind of fruition. We can all do as piration prayers, that in the future we can all attain Enlightenment within one mandala through these Great Perfection ("Dzogchen") meditations. Just as in the past such great Great Perfection ("Dzogchen") realized masters like Garab Dorje and Shri Singha and so forth attained Enlightenment through these Great Perfecti on ("Dzogchen") practices, similarly we can also have that aspiration prayer to attain Enlightenment. Thank you! Translated by Khenchen Tsewang Gyatso Rinpoche.