February 2012

What To Do This Month Event Quick Reference Useful Telephone Numbers Classified Ads Costambar Cable Channel Listing The Rainy Day Page And Lots Of Other Fun Stuff!!

THIS CANT BE A GOOD SIGN!

Drivers in Puerto Plata are sighing with immense relief lately as experts are working on new road signage to reorganize traffic in the city. We can all feel so much safer with all the new signs - one way, two way, stop, no u-turn, no parking! Because the one thing we all know is that drivers never disobey road signs in this country. Weve never encountered anyone going the wrong way on a one way street or making an illegal u-turn in a dangerous or inconvenient place, blowing through a stop sign, passing in the wrong lane or parking just willy-nilly anywhere they feel like it. Yes, people of the North Coast, soon driving here will be orderly and uneventful. Traffic utopia is on its way! You no longer need to beep your horns or flash your lights. You can drive secure in the knowledge that experts have solved all our traffic woes with new signs!

Yennys Market Loase Resort/Sams Bar Catamaran Beach Bar Pascuals Happy Hippo Sharkys Bar & Grill MarLous Restaurant Syls Place Galeria de Arte Sol The Anchor Supermercado Tropical Big Lees Beach Bar El Jardin y Algo Mas Restaurant Chino The Meeting Place Maximillians Beach Bar Chris & Madys Ocean World Marina Los Tres Cocos

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Los Tres Cocos in Las Rocas invites you to try something different. Fine dining at its best! Call 809-993-4503 for details. Sams at Loase Resort & Spa is making Sunday a special day. Starting at 10am with a breakfast brunch, then escape the hassle of the beach by using their pool facilities, playing free racquetball or bring a group and play some free wallyball. On February 5th they will hold a Super Bowl Party! And on February 14th they are having a special Valentines Day dinner - please reserve.

Sharkys Bar & Grill in Costambar is bringing the fun times back to town! Hans is back with Darts on Tuesday nights. Wednesdays is the house specialty - Buffalo Wings! Rockin Karaoke with Shawn & Ken on Friday nights! They have a Foosball Table, Pool Table and Satellite TV for all sporting events. AND - Charo is in charge of the menu! Food specials every Saturday & Sunday! Join them for the party on Superbowl Sunday - BBQ & fixins for RD$275! MarLous Restaurant will have new offers for the New Year! Mondays is Costambar Community Nite! Saturdays is Karaoke from 9pm. Restaurant Chino has the best Chinese food on the North Coast! Eat in or take out. Two locations - on the Malecon in Puerto Plata and calle Principal in Cabarete.

At The Catamaran on Costambar Beach youll find great food at great prices enjoyed with a million dollar view! Every day they have Power Hour with 3X1 cuba libres from 6-7pm. Saturdays is Sancocho! They also hold a monthly Flea Market Syls Place has Happy Hour every day from 4on the last Saturday of every month beginning at 7pm. Fridays is her popular Fish & Chips/Onion Rings. NEW - Mondays is Everything Chili Day! 10am. No cost to vendors! Bowls, fries and dogs! Pascuals on Costambar Beach specializes in The Anchor in Costambar invites you to try their seafood from their live lobster tank. Also nighttime menu - beef stroganoff, pork available for parties and events! medallions and more! The Happy Hippo has live music with Melky on February 12th from 2pm and Karaoke with Jepol on February 26 from 2pm. Every Sunday is a Flea Market with tables for rent! Big Lees Beach Bar is aiming to be the new hotspot on the Malecon in Puerto Plata. Try his new steamed hot dogs with all the fixings! American music and free popcorn! On February 14 they invite you to sing Karaoke with Jepol to your sweetie! Look for the 7 foot electric palm tree! Why not try El Jardin y Algo Mas for something different? Why not try their fabulous Swiss Cheese Fondue! Chris & Madys has all your favourite sports including NFL and NHL! Try their seafood and lobster specials! February 5 is their Super Bowl Party and, of course, a special dinner is planned for Valentines Day on February 14th. The Meeting Place has started their winter program. This month offers everything from movies and theatre productions to political discussions. Childrens Book sale February 20 to 24th!! Why not visit Maximillians Beach Bar on the malecon in Puerto Plata! Ocean World Marina offers an exquisite buffet every Sunday from 11am-3pm with American, German & Canadian specialties. Music and use of the pool facilities is included. PLEASE NOTE: Last months Olympit Games have been rescheduled to Sunday February 19th.

Now open in Costambar Galeria de Arte Sol with a complete program of events and classes. Explore your creative side! This month they are exhibiting works by Gerson Urena on Friday February 3rd at 7:30pm.

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CLASSIFIEDS
FOR SALE 33foot sailboat, Glander Tavana class yawl, good condition/ minor work needed, less than 1500 hours on new 20 horse Kuboto engine and trans. A MUST SEE! Located in Luperon bay. Call Sean @ (809) 782-2534. WANTED Golf Cart, does anyone have an electric golf cart for sale, anything considered broken or damaged included, Tel: 809 639 9393 or email : bobyk@libello.com FOR SALE Hoveround Electric Wheelchair, almost new 1800 USD, Pioneer CLD V820 Laser karaoke machine 150 USD, Invacare respiratory oxygen concentrator machine 200 USD, Two 65 watt solar panels 140 USD, Some used computer parts, hard disks, memory, please ask for complete list. Viewable in Costambar Email. bobyk@libello.com or phone 809 639 93 93 FOR SALE 1992 Toyota 4runner, 4 x 4, v6 auto, 4 dr, cd player, a/c, pw pl, sunroof, newer paint and tires, 133,000 miles. $4900. USD. For pictures email us at rocksontheroad@hotmail.com or phone 829-929-7421 FOR SALE 1995 Diesel Toyota Land Cruiser In Excellent Condition. Manual Transmission, Air Conditioning, 4 wheel drive. Former UN vehicle. A no frills beast of a vehicle with a comfortable ride on or off road. Asking RD 380,000. Located near Maimon. 809-707-9036 FOR SALE Open fishing motorboat, 22 feet, year 2010, Tohatsu 40 horsepower and Tohatsu 9.8 horsepower, specialize for big game fishing! Call for prices: 849 886 1266 Located in Luperon FOR SALE susuki 4 wheels 4x2 ltz450 yellow 2002 new tires new clutch new brakes 4 strokes asking 70,000 pesos paradiserepublic2011@yahoo. FOR SALE OR TRADE Yomoto 150cc Motorcycle, Brand new !!!, unwanted rafle prize, Electric start, Alloy wheels, Alarm, Chrome luggage rack, Crash helmet, White with Chrome Everything!!!32,000 pesos or exchange for an electric golf cart, viewable in Costambar, photos by email on request: Email: bobyk@libello.com Tel: 809 639 9393 FOR SALE Combo 788c features a brilliant color, ultra-high resolution 640V x 640H 5" display, DualBeam PLUS sonar with 4000 Watts PTP power output, GPS Chartplotting with built-in UniMap, and advanced Fishing System capabilities. In addition, it includes dual card slots for maps and saving waypoints, as well as 3 programmable preset buttons to save your favorite views.1,000US or best offer paradiserepublic2011@yahoo. com or 8493534628

LIKE CHECKING OUT THE CLASSIFIEDS FOR GREAT DEALS? OR USING THEM TO GET RID OF YOUR UNWANTED ITEMS? THEN WHY NOT CHECK OUT COSTAMBARS NEW FLEA MARKET AT THE CATAMARAN BAR ON THE BEACH. EVERY LAST SATURDAY OF THE MONTH STARTING AT 10AM! FREE TO VENDORS!!! Costambar Monthly classified ads are free but can only be placed by emailing costambarmonthly@yahoo.ca Or calling 809-970-7507 or 809-449-1820 PLEASE NOTE - free classified ads are only for personal items. Commercial properties or enterprises (including real estate sales or rentals) must purchase an ad. Classifieds will usually be run for one month only unless we are otherwise notified.

www.costambarmonthly.com
OPEN DAILY (INCLUDING HOLIDAYS) Mon-Sat 8am-10pm Sundays 8am-8pm Everything you need from snacks to supper! Delivery Service Available! Calle Principal, Costambar (just inside the gate) 809-970-3028

FOR SALE 1986 Volvo Penta model #2003, 29hp, 3 cyl., 3195 hours Transmission 2.36:1 RD$3500 829-633-8521 WANTED WORK WANTED IGLESIA FILIPOS PRESBITERIANA invites you to Anything considered - cleaning, "Karaoke businnes looking for an assistant with experieces as services every Sunday at 10 A.M. Worships are in babysitting, painting, etc. I Spanish. Children activities. Before Costambar Gate a DJ. Dominican welcome! for understand some English and contacts call 809 988 1322 Security, turn on the right side toward the power have references. after 2.30 PM." Call Rosy 809-292-9693 plant, 100 meters on the right side.

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FOR SALE
Apartments for Rent Special Offers Available For Long Term Rentals! Just ask Max! Office 809-970-7312 Cell 809-251-8679 Visit our website www.villasfelipe.com

Waterfront Apartment In Edificio Miramar Costambar One Bedroom Furnished Good Condition

Maximilians
BEACH BAR
First Casetta at Long Beach Malecon, Puerto Plata, R.D. Cell: 809-251-8679

MUST SELL!!!
Contact Joe 809-465-4946
Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married. One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the groom broom. The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely. After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over and said to the groom-broom, 'I think I am going to have a little broom!' 'IMPOSSIBLE !' said the groom broom. 'WE HAVEN'T EVEN SWEPT TOGETHER!'

FOR SALE

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1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was -- Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from Power Hour 3X1 Cuba Libres at Catamaran 6-7pm too much pi. Happy Hour at Syls Place 4-7pm 2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island -- but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian. Community Night at MarLous Restaurant 3. She was only a whiskey- maker -- but he loved Chili Extravaganza at Syls Place her still. 4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from Darts with Hans at Sharkys algebra class -- because it was a weapon of math disruption. Buffalo Wings Special at Sharkys 5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder -- and Quiz Night at MarLous Restaurant got a little behind in his work. 6. No matter how much you push the envelope, -Fish & Chips at Syls Place it'll still be stationery. Karaoke at Sharkys 7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road -- and was cited for littering. Sancocho at Catamaran 8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France -Karaoke at MarLous 9pm would result in Linoleum Blownapart. Fleas Market at Catamaran 9. Two silk worms had a race -- they ended up in a tie. Sancocho at Syls Place 10. Time flies like an arrow -- fruit flies like a Breakfast Buffet at Sams at Loase from 10am banana. Flea Market at Happy Hippo 11 A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall -Brunch at Ocean World 11am-3pm the police are looking into it. 12. Atheism is -- a non-prophet organization. Works by artist Gerson Urena at Galeria Arte de Sol 13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the 7:30pm hallway -- One hat said to the other, 'You stay SATURDAY FEBRUARY 4TH Theatre production of Don Gallo y otros dones at here, I'll go on a head.' Meeting Place 7:30pm 14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger -- then, it hit me. Super Bowl Party with BBQ at Sharkys 15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said Super Bowl Party at Sams at Loase -- 'Keep off the Grass..' Super Bowl Party at Chris & Madys Movie Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy at Meeting Place 3pm 16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital -- his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.' Live Music with Melky at Happy Hippo 2pm The German Jews of Sosua visual presentation at 17. A chicken crossing the road is -- poultry in Meeting Place 3pm motion. 18. The short fortune-teller who escaped from Valentines Day Dinner at Chris & Madys prison was -- a small medium at large. Valentines Day Dinner at Sams at Loase 19. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper Valentines Day Karaoke with Jepol at Big Lees spray is -- now a seasoned veteran.
Arts & Crafts Sale for Blancos Kids at Minervas 10am-1pm The Olympit Games at Catamaran 12NOON Movie The Help at Meeting Place 3pm Karaoke with Jepol at Happy Hippo 2pm Political discussion at Meeting Place 3pm

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.

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VIVERO!!!
Open to the Public
All ypes of T Palms, Flowering & Foliage Plants Landscaping & Garden Maintenance Services Available BEST PRICES ON THE NORTH COAST
Open Monday-Friday 8:30am to 5pm And By Appointment

PLANT

A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window. For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, 'I'm sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me.' The frightened passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much. The driver replied, 'No, no, I'm sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my first day driving a cab................... I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years.
One evening a Husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife, 'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in 'Slim Fast'. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!' His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded. The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. 'What the Hell is this?' he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud appeared when he shook them out. 'April', he hollered into the bathroom, 'Why did you put Talcum Powder in my underwear?' She replied with a snicker. 'It's not talcum powder; it's 'Miracle Grow'!!!!! !

Call George (Lettuce) 809-543-8041

Km. 11 Carretera PP-Imbert (In front of PARADA DINAMICA) Just past the fish places

DO YOU NEED A HOUSE SITTER?

Former New Jersey Police Officer is available! Long/short term Call 829-540-2818

Man who run in front of car get tired. Man who run behind car get exhausted.

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Order Your Health Insurance Now!

RD$955 Includes Dental (with Drugs RD$1190)

Tuesday Feb 7 & Mar 6

FOR DETAILED INFORMATION

Big Lees Beach Bar, Puerto Plata 5pm Biekes Bar, Costambar 6:30pm Or Call Petra & Marcel Bahr 1-809-885-2155

If I was a banker, I think my favourite pick-up line would be "I just want to get you a loan.

Massage: Relax, Reduction, Deep Tissue, Facial Massage, Reflexology, Acupressure, & Hot Stone Physical Therapy, Paraffin Treatment & Lymphatic Drainage Manicure & Pedicure: Regular & Intensive Braids & Hair Extensions & Mens Haircuts Facials, Waxing , Peeling, Hydration & Nurse Services Natural Health & Beauty Products
ASK ABOUT OUR SPECIALS. Open Mon-Sat from 9:00am / Sundays by appointment Service to the home. Transportation available. #14 Penon St, Costambar Tel: 809-970-7522 Cell: 809-993-2944

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Rafael Aguilar #38, Los Cocos, Puerto Plata, R.D. 809-440-1430 English 809-440-1420 Spanish daniel1010@netzero.com
U.K. Trained Mechanic with over 30 years experience
Diagnostics, Maintenance and Repairs Tire Service & Car Wash

AVAILABLE
Feb 7 & Mar 6 Big Lees Beach Bar Puerto Plata 5pm Biekes Bar Costambar 6:30pm

A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which she ended by saying: "God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa." The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye grandpa?" The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like thething to do." The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence. A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this: "God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma.." The next day the grandmother died. Oh my gosh, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side. Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say: "God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy." He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home. When he got home his wife said "I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?" He said "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life." She said "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning the milkman dropped dead on our porch."
SOUND RENTAL

NE W IN ! R. D.

Karaoke Tropical
For Any Event Of Your Choice With Animation in English, Spanish, German and French Lyrics in 7 Languages International Music, Videos and DVDs

809-204-4172 Email dj.marilyne_karaoke_tropical@hotmail.com

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CLEAR FIBERGLASS 33-LB PROPANE CYLINDER TANK

Always know how much gas you have! Lighter than steel and don't rust! $320.00 new in US Now only 2450 pesos Call Colin 809-449-1819

FOR SALE

26' Ocean Reef Fishing Boat Good - Very Good condition Built in Florida 1982 Solid sea-vessel Economical 4 cyl. Isuzu Good for fishing or touring. US$42,000 Info 809-392-0077 sailinnn@yahoo.com

TRYING TO SELL YOUR BOAT? GET MORE EXPOSURE BY ADVERTISING IT IN COSTAMBAR MONTHL Y!

L U P E R O N

"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shame Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."

"My wife has left me after saying I think more of football than her. I was gutted, I've been with her for five seasons".

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SOLUTIONS ON PAGE 13
SUDOKU PUZZLES Fill in the missing numbers so every row, column and quadrant contains the number 1 through 9.

VALENTINES DAY
Find and circle all of the words that are hidden in the grid. The remaining letters spell a special occasion for families.

ADMIRER ADORE AFFECTION ATTRACTION BEAU BELOVED BOYFRIEND CANDLES CANDY CHOCOLATES

COUPLE CRUSH CUPID DARLING DATE DEAR DEVOTION FANCY FEBRUARY FLAME

FLOWERS FONDNESS FOREVER FRIENDSHIP GIFT GIRLFRIEND HEARTS JEWELRY LIKE LOVEBIRDS

LOVERS PARTNER PROPOSAL RELATIONSHIP RESTAURANT ROMANCE ROSES SENTIMENT SUITOR SWEETHEART

Across 1. Vague 5. Pass through 6. Stir up 7. Storm Down 1. Pariah 2. Sports structure 3. Steal the show 4. Adjure

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LANDSCAPER OF THE YEAR AWARD!

12 22 28 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 40 42 43 44 46 49 CNN FOX ABC NBC CBS KIDS TBS CNBC ESPN-1 WGN CDN TNT USA ESPN-2 DISCOVERY DISNEY HBO 70 71 72 74 79 80 81 83 84 85 SPORT BOOMERANG 51 56 57 64 66 CINE SPEED ANIMAL PLANET SCI-FI FOOD 69 DISCOVERY WEATHER CINEMAX SHOWTIME STARZ NASA JETIX CARTOON TNT LA HISTORY THE FILM ZONE CANAL

This months recycling tip! Beer can curlers!

Police Office Police Car APC Office APC Gate Security Codetel Edenorte - emergency Edenorte - office Costambar Taxi Stand Canada Britain U.S.A. German Italian Clinica Bournigal Clinica Brugal Los Tropicos Pharmacy 809-320-8510 809-320-8840 809-970-7877 809-970-7015 809-220-1111 809-261-1844 809-586-9823 809-970-7318 809-586-5761 809-586-4244 809-586-4204 809-586-6995 809-320-7601 809-586-2342 809-586-2519 809-970-7607

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The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment... Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. Ashley said, 'My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs went flying, broke and made a mess.' 'What's the moral of the story?' asked the teacher. 'Don't put all your eggs in one basket!' 'Very good,' said the teacher. Next little Sarah raised her hand and said, 'Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is, 'don't count your chickens before they're hatched.' 'That was a fine story Sarah.' Michael, do you have a story to share?' 'Yes, my daddy told me this story about my Aunt Karen. Aunt Karen was a flight engineer in the Gulf War and her plane was hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a machete. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break. She landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade broke. Then she killed the last ten with her bare hands.' 'Good heavens,' said the horrified teacher, 'what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?' 'Don't mess with Aunt Karen when she's been drinking'. Try Our SWISS CHEESE FONDUE!

Restaurant Chino
Best Chinese Food On the North Coast! Two Great Locations! Eat In or Takeout!
Xiang Wan Jia Plaza Neptuno, Malecon, Puerto Plata 809-261-5609 Calle Principal, Cabarete 809-571-0385

Open Tues-Sat 4pm-11:30pm/Sunday 11:30am-11:30pm Calle Felix Nolasco #55, Urbanization Atlantica, Puerto Plata 809-261-0416/829-568-1475

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BEGINNER

INTERMEDIA TE

HIDDEN MESSAGE
Valentines Day Card

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Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter came and took their drink order. 'I would like a Sprite,' said the first little piggy. 'I would like a Coke,' said the second little piggy. 'I want water, lots and lots of water,' said the third little piggy. The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner. 'I want a nice big steak,' said the first piggy. 'I would like the salad plate,' said the second piggy. 'I want water, lots and lots of water,' said the third little piggy. The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert. 'I want a banana split,' said the first piggy. 'I want a cheesecake,' said the second piggy.. 'I want water, lots and lots of water,' exclaimed the third little piggy. 'Pardon me for asking,' said the waiter to the third little piggy, 'But why have you only ordered water all evening?' The third piggy says 'Well, somebody has to go 'Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!

INTERNATIONAL GOURMET CUISINE & AUSTRIAN SPECIALTIES

I speak my mind Because It hurts to bite My tongue!

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The transcripts of a few Nashville,TN's real 9-1-1 calls: Dispatcher : 9-1-1 What is your emergency? Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner. Dispatcher: Do you have an address? Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why? Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency? Caller : Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich . Dispatcher : Excuse me? Caller : I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it. Dispatcher : Was anything else taken? Saturday, February 4: 7:30 Caller : No, but this has happened to me before and Teatro Blsamo: Don Gallo y otros Dones, three I'm sick and tired of it! allegorical stories for children 5 to 100 by the reknowned Juan Bosch - with English interpretation. Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency? Caller: I' m trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it. Dispatcher: This is nine eleven. Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nineeleven are the same thing.. Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid. Dispatcher: 9-1-1 Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing I'm all out of breath. Darn....I think I'm going to pass out. Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from? Caller: I'm at a pay phone - North and Foster. Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic? Caller: No. Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing? Caller: Running from the police. And the winner is........... Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What's the nature of your emergency? Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart Dispatcher: Is this her first child? Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!
Sunday, February 5: 3 pm. FILM CLUB. Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy: with Oscar nominee Gary Oldman as George Smiley in a brilliant film adaptation of the Le Carre novel. Sunday February 12, 3 pm: The German Jews of Sosua. A visual presentation of the story of the Jews who fled Hitler and built Sosua, with Joe Benjamin and other members of the community. Sunday, February 19: 3 pm. FILM CLUB. The Help, the tale of domestic workers in segregated Mississippi at the beginning of the Civil Rights era. Sunday February 26. 3 pm. A representative of one of the major party candidates for president presents the partys program and what it means for Puerto Plata and the Dominican Republic. (See our website for details.)

Puerto Platas non-profit English Bookstore and Resource Center

PREVIEW OF FEBRUARY 2012 PROGRAM

CHILDRENS BOOK SALE: FEBRUARY 20-24

Books normally priced at up to 250 pesos will be on sale for 25 and 50 pesos. M-F 11:00 5:30.

Come and see our unique exhibition of: Historical Pictures of Puerto Plata

809-261-7393

829-455-6110

Juan Bosch 60 (2 blocks NE of Central Park, Bus B)

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Dearest Redneck Son, I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of your home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address because the last West Virginia family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so they wouldn't have to change their address. This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure about it. I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain. We haven't seen them since. The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days. About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Billy Bob said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out. Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out what it is yet so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle. Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated, he burned for three days. Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Butch was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down! There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much out of the normal has happened. Your Favorite Aunt, Mom PS I would have enclosed $10.00 for your birthday but I had already sealed the envelope.

Galeria de Arte Sol

Presents The Works of Artist
Friday February 3rd 2012 7:30pm

After an argument with my Girlfriend, I like to tighten The lids to all the jars just So I can say Oh? So you need me now?

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LED HEDU RESC

A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly. 'Quick,' said the woman to the lover, 'into the closet!' and she pushed him in the closet, stark naked. The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet. 'Who are you?' he asked him. 'I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone,' said the exterminator. 'What are you doing in there?' the husband asked. 'I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths,' the man replied. 'And where are your clothes?' asked the husband. The man looked down at himself and said, 'those little bastards!.'

RESCHEDULED TO FEBRUARY 19 2012

TWO WOMEN TALKING IN HEAVEN 1st Woman: Hello! My name is Maggie. 2nd Woman: Hello! I'm Joan. How'd you die? 1st Woman: I froze to death. 2nd Woman: How awful! 1st Woman: It wasn't so bad. After I stopped shaking from the cold, I began to get warm and sleepy and finally died a peaceful death. What about you? 2nd Woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected my husband was cheating, so I came home early expecting to catch him in the act. But instead I found him all by himself in the house watching TV. 1st Woman: So what happened? 2nd Woman: I was so sure there was another woman somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched and then down into the cellar. I went through each wardrobe and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died. 1st Woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer. We'd both still be alive!

COME FOR THE GREAT FOOD AT GREAT PRICES AND THE MILLION DOLLAR VIEW!

SATURDAYS SANCOCHO!
FLEA MARKET!!!
EVERY LAST SATURDAY OF THE MONTH Starting at 10am FREE TO VENDORS!!!

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"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."
:
American Oldies Music! English Conversationand Spanish, French & German too! Free Popcorn for all customers! Hot Dogs on Steamed Buns with all your favorite condiments too! ALWAYS OPEN BY 11AM!

CHRIS & MADYS

Playa Cofresi

TUESDAY FEBRUARY 14TH Bring your Sweetie & sing her a song! JEPOLS Karaoke - DJ Jean-Pierre
To follow ALL our current activities and photos too, GO TO our web site:

www.bigleesbeachbar.com

SUPERBOWL PARTY! SUNDAY FEBRUARY 5TH

MENTION THIS AD FOR A FREE DRINK WITH DINNER!

An old guy was working out in the gym when he spotted a sweet young thing... He asked the trainer that was near-by, "What machine in here should I use to impress that sweet thing over there?" The trainer looked him up and down and said, "I would try the ATM in the lobby."

An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting." Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep. A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me." Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep. Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my neck." Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed. "Where are you going?" she asked. "To get my teeth!"

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here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt. 1. Birds of a feather flock together . . . .and then 12. Did you ever notice when you put the 2 crap on your car. words 'The'and 'IRS' together it spells 'Theirs.' 2. A penny saved is a government oversight. 3. The real art of conversation is not only to say 13. Aging: Eventually you will reach a point the right thing at the right time, but also to leave when you stop lying about your age and start unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. bragging about it. 14. The older we get, the fewer things seem 4. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat worth waiting in line for. 15. Some people try to turn back their have gotten to be really good friends. 5. The easiest way to find something lost around odometers. Not me, I want people to know why I look this way.. I've traveled a long way and the house is to buy a replacement . some of the roads weren't paved. 6. He who hesitates is probably right. 7. Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for 16. When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth, think of Algebra. forty (40) are XL. 17. You know you are getting old when 8. If you think there is good in everybody, you everything either dries up or leaks. haven't met everybody. 18. First you forget names, then you forget faces. 9. If you can smile when things go wrong, you Then you forget to pull up your zipper. It's have someone in mind to blame. worse when you forget to pull it down. 10. The sole purpose of a child's middle name is 20. Long ago when men cursed and beat the so he can tell when he's really in trouble. ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. 11. There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting Today, it's called golf.

s cial nday Spe & Su bar! d Foo urday t the Sat rd a ery he boa Ev k t c Che

Costambar Monthly page 20

MEANWHILE, SOMEWHERE IN THE D.R. Bert & Margaret are an elderly couple who live

BREASTFEEDING IN PUBLIC CAUSES TRAFFIC JAM! It has been determined that the most used sexual position for married couples is the doggie position. The husband sits up and begs. The wife rolls over and plays dead.

Tennessee. Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home. Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?" Margaret looked him over. "Nope." Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots. Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different NOW?" Margaret looked up and said in her best deadpan, "Bert, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow." Furious, Bert yelled, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?" "Nope. Not a clue", she replied. "IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!" Without missing a beat Margaret replied, "Shoulda bought a hat, Bert. Shoulda bought a hat."

Costambar Monthly page 21

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' "Can you read this?" the optician asked. "Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her Husband stalking around with a fly swatter. "What are you doing?" She asked. "Hunting Flies" He responded. "Oh. Killing any?" She asked. "Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied. Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell them apart?" He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."

PASCUALS PLAYA COSTAMBAR

Specializing in Live Lobsters & Seafood
Open Daily

For Parties, Events & Reservations

Call 829-434-9404/829-464-4071/829-637-6487

THE NEW FOOD PYRAMID

OPEN FOR DINNER Thursday to Sunday 6pm-10pm (last orders 9pm)

Monday to Saturday 8am-2pm Sunday 8am-1pm

When people ask Dumb questions, I feel obligated to give Sarcastic answers.

Costambar Monthly page 22

The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated Mahatma Gandhi The life of Dominican animals is not one of comfort at the best of times. Stray dogs and cats live in filthy germ-ridden environments. They eat spoiled food from trash cans, sleep in dirty areas and are highly susceptible to a wide variety of fatal diseases. Many of these diseases are preventable by vaccines, which are unavailable to stray animals. There is hardly any pampered pet status in the Dominican Republic. The association Amigos de 4 Patas in Costambar want to do something positive for the cats, dogs and other animals that have no hope and no one to care for them. We do our best to promote animal welfare and to assist in vital animal aid work that is so desperately needed in the Dominican Republic. Amigos de 4 Patas is a nonprofit organization that offers free neuter, spay, vaccinations and emergency care for stray and wild animals and offer the same package for pets if the owner donates at least the usual vet-fees. We do our best to find homes for abandoned or wounded animals. With the support of generous contributors and the commitment of area veterinarians and volunteers, we have been able to provide these services for hundreds of animals already. How to help us helping them? We are in constant need of funds to help the animals and your donations are greatly appreciated. If you would like

DID YOU WIN?!?!?

Heres the latest list of winners from the Amigos de 4 Patas raffle. The drawing was held December 28th at Sharkys: 1. Diving Travel Guide: Schramm 2. Jewelry certificate: Bobby McGuire 3. Lunch for 2 at Estrella del Mar: Ingrid Ph. 4. Vivero Green Thumb cerificate: Annette 5. Dinner for two at Bananas Place: Nanda Cavalli If you havent claimed your prize get in touch with Carolina at 829-520-7265. Remember tickets are available for RD$50 at Happy Hippo and The Anchor all winter and lots more great prizes are still to be won. Keep reading Costambar Monthly to see if youve won! to support us you can become a registered member of Amigos de 4 Patas. For only DOP1000 a year you will get a membership card which gives you lots of benefits and freebees in return. Theres also the possibility to donate without becoming a member. The best opportunity you have is during the raffles How do we spend the money we receive? Most of our income is spent on vets bills because though the Salud Publica donates the rabies-vaccination, we have to pay for everything else ourselves. With your donations we can pay for antibiotics, wormers, flea treatments and any other medication the animals need, as well as for any surgery they require, x-rays, consultations etc. We also spend money on special diets for animals which are underweight or have particular health problems or allergies. These are foods which normally are not kept at the kennels. Lets show the world the greatness of our international community by the way our animals are treated! Contributed by Ingrid Koolbergen

Costambar Monthly page 23

HAPPY HOUR!!! 4-7pm Cuba/Santo Libres 2X1 Bohemia peq RD$45 Presidente peq RD$50 Watch for Surprise Drink Specials!!!

MONDAYS! ALL THINGS CHILI! BOWLS OF CHILI! CHILI DOGS! CHILI CHEESE FRIES! FRIDAYS!!!! FISH & CHIPS/ONION RINGS!!!
ALSO SERVING A Wide Variety of Sandwiches, Salads, Soups & Desserts

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa - half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful! Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe well-developed and open to trade, especially for something of real value. Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain - very hot, relaxed, and convinced of her own beauty. Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece - gently aging, but still a warm and desirable place to visit. Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain, with a glorious and all-conquering past. Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel - has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice, and takes care of business. Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada - cool, self-preserving, but open to meeting new people. After 70, she becomes Tibet - wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages.... an adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge. Between 1 and 80, a man is like Iran - ruled by a couple of nuts.

Costambar Monthly page 24

When you are feeling nostalgic come to

Play It Again
At Loase
Much of What You Loved About Sams In Costambar!

SUPER BOWL PARTY!! SUNDAY FEBRUARY 5TH

Open 10am for Breakfast Brunch And Full Menu

Tues toSat 12pm-8pm??? Sunday 10am-8pm??? Closed Mondays
Call for reservations if youwant to eat later than 8pm

SUNDAY FEBRUARY 5TH Super Bowl Party TUESDAY FEBRUARY 14TH Valentines Day Dinner Please Make Reservations EVERY SUNDAY 1-5pm Come and swim, play free racquetball and wallyball! Get away from the noise and hassle of the beach!
VILLA FOR RENT BY THE WEEK

GREAT MENU + SPECIALS! FISH & CHIPS RD$200 MEAT LOAF CURRIES & MORE!
Ocean

Sams

Loase Resort

Calle Sanchez

Casa Obear/ Loase Villa