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Preface
This article was not created to add more guilt or burdens to you. My hope is to remove burdens from you and give you true freedom in Christ. Furthermore, the reader must understand that no one can truly forgive without the helper, The Holy Spirit. This does not mean that the Holy Spirit does all the work! You must purpose to do God's will before the Holy Spirit will help you. Gods will for you is to become conformed to the image of Christ, and Forgiveness is one of his major attributes.
Consequences
So, what happens if I don't forgive someone. There are eternal consequences. We are told to "bear fruit in keeping with repentance;" (Matthew 3:8, Acts 26:20). We are also told to work out our salvation with fear and trembling (Philippians 2:12). If you don't forgive someone, you obviously are not bearing fruit in this area. This has potential consequences with respect to your salvation. I believe that the part of you that can not forgive will not enter the Kingdom of God. John the Baptist said that Jesus will "burn up the chaff with fire". (Matthew 3:12). In wheat, the chaff is the part of the plant that is not "fruit" or useful. Many of the parables of Jesus talk about fields and the fruit of them (Matthew 7:18-19). I believe that we are the "field "and the bad fruit (sin attitudes, fruit of sin) will be chopped down and thrown into the fire for every person that has been born again. The part of our heart that refused to be conformed to the image of Christ will not enter into the Kingdom of God (1 Corinthians 3:15). The parts of our hearts that were transformed (2 Corinthians 3:18) will certainly enter into eternal life and the presence of God. By not forgiving someone, you are spitting on the sacrifice that Jesus made for you. Jesus died on the cross to pay for your sins. The consequences of your sin were a debt that you can never repay (Matthew 18:27). By not forgiving, you become wicked (Matthew 18:32,33) because you have not acknowledged the awesome sacrifice that was made on your behalf. The sin that you commit by not forgiving allows the enemy to attack you. This may manifest itself as o Self-destructive social behaviors. Example: Lets say that your father was very domineering and nothing you ever did was good enough for him. Needless to say, you're having trouble forgiving him. Lets also say that have a boss that reminds you of your father. Chances are that you'll end up acting towards your boss as you did towards your father. This will almost always results in a great deal of friction between you and your boss. Since your boss doesn't understand the source of the friction, he'll do his best to avoid you. You can probably expect to receive negative performance reviews, and all this because you couldn't forgive someone from your past. o Mild Paranoia: People that don't forgive often assume that everyone else is as vindictive as they are. o Mental disorders: o Physical sickness. Not being able to forgive often fosters bitterness. Bitterness can result in numerous diseases including Arthritis.
Gaining perspective
Here is an analogy that may help you gain some perspective. Let's say that you were someone that had created a strain of bacteria. Let's also say that something happened to this strain, and the bacteria were all getting sick. What if the only way to save them was to become one of them? To empty yourself of everything: your intelligence, your power, and all the other things that make you human. You'd have to become just as insignificant as the bacteria, and die as one of them to save them. Would any of us do that? We might sacrifice ourselves to save our children, but I doubt that anyone would die to save something so much smaller and insignificant than we are. Jesus did. God naturally expects you to "forgive" the small offense you suffered (in comparison) because of what Jesus did. I know that some of you have suffered horrific things at the hands of others. I'm not trying to downplay the
pain that you suffered. However, you must remember that in all the evil that was done to you, there was a coconspirator, Satan. It is my experience that most human beings are not very good at committing evil acts without some help. Satan and his pitiful army are always looking to drive someone to true evil to get back at God. The enemy (Satan and company) know that they are going to loose the battle. However, that doesn't stop them from pushing people to do evil. The enemy often lies to the person they are influencing. The enemy uses the self-centeredness of human kind to bring about true evil. Since we are all self centered, no one can say that they haven't at one time or another succumbed to being pushed into an evil act. The trick is to hold the unclean spirit that "helped" responsible, not the human. So, you must forgive any human that hurt you. The silver lining is that you should never forgive the enemy. You have God's full permission to hate the enemy and all his works. Just remember to separate his works from his unwitting accomplices.
Tools
If you are having trouble really forgiving someone, try these things: Pray that God would help you. God sent the Holy Spirit to help us, so let him help! Make a list of all the ways that a particular person hurt you. Now make a list of all of the ways that you may have hurt them. It's OK if your list of hurts is much bigger than theirs. o Now, go through the list of hurts that you've received one by one, and forgive that person. Depending on what you've suffered, you may only be able to deal with one issue at a time. If you find that you can't forgive something, ask God to help. Don't go to the next item until you sense that you have really forgiven the person for that item. o If the person in question is still alive, make an attempt to ask for their forgiveness. Don't bring up their sins against you! Also, do not "document" your sins against them. You can talk about how you hurt them, but it is unwise to write it down and send it to them.