Whose Kid Is It Anyway 1

Whose Kid Is It Anyway

Whose Kid Is It Anyway, was conceived from years of parenting, coaching,

relationships with other parents and coaches, and my observation of attitudes and

behaviors during and after a youth sporting event. I don’t consider myself an expert on

youth sports or behavior patterns, but observation and experience has been a great

motivator and has taught me that parents can either be a positive force in the success of

their young athlete or a huge detriment to what they’re capable of achieving.

I believe parents can and should be that positive force a young athlete needs to

succeed in their chosen sport because young athletes, between the ages of 5 and 12,

perform primarily for their parents and not for their coach. Young athletes would rather

hear “great job” from their mom and dad than from their coach, unless of course their

coach is also their parent. Most parents, in my humble opinion, don’t really understand

how important their words of encourage are to their child, those words can turn their

normally mild mannered child into a beast, so to speak. Unfortunately, more and more

parents are turning over the reins of encouragement and motivation to trainers, tutors,

coaches and instructors. Although coaches and instructors can be valuable assets in the

life of a young athlete, in regards to teaching them the essentials the ever so important

fundamentals of the sport, but it’s the parents or parent who ignites the vision and passion

needed to inspire self-motivation, the best kind of motivation in my opinion.

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Coaching a player who is self-motivated, who wants to get better, who wants to

be the best they can possible be is an awesome luxury for a coach it allows you to be

creative more open minded about what this kid can actually accomplish despite their age.

You’re willing to bend over backwards for a player or players like that, it’s easy, because

the self-motivated player improves quicker in every aspect of the game they work harder,

they spend more time developing their skills and/or game and they do this extra work on

their own, without a coach or an instructor and that’s the key to rapid growth. Parents, by

their words and their actions can instill in a kid an attitude, which will promote high

achievement and accomplishment the will that encourages more than just mediocrity.

From my experience, the parent not the coach has the greatest impact on the young

athlete parents often supply the one attribute that all athletes need the “mental” approach

to the game. The “I can” approach, the idea that they can play well, they can be affective,

they can get better and they have the right to be on the same field or court with everyone

else, parents can foster this attitude within their kid without spending a dime, but by just

spending some time.

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Its been said, by some people involved in the youth sports programs, that the only

thing wrong with youth sports are the “parents”. To that point, usually when attending a

youth sporting event, the parents seem to be more out of control than their kid whenever

there’s an incident it typically starts in the stands, with the parents or other adults. We

often hear of parents, or other adult family members, in the stands or in the parking lot

fist fighting, going to blows over a fourth grade girl’s soccer game or a pee-wee football

game, that’s astonishing to me. It’s almost comical but on the contrary, it’s not funny at

all, violence and mayhem at a fourth grade girl’s soccer game is beyond ridiculous it’s

down right idiotic.

We’ve all heard some of the stories, a coach beats-up another coach and sends

him to the hospital, a parent assaults a referrer in the parking lot after a game because of a

so called “bad call” and a father attacks another father at the end of a pee-wee football or

basketball game. Unfortunately, in many cases, if a kid sees this kind of behavior from

their parents before or after a game, the kid will follow their parent’s lead primarily on

the court or field. Once a child sees and hears his or her parents fighting or yelling

derogator remarks at the top of their lungs at the opposing team, referees and other

parents that’s the type of behavior the parent and coach can expect from the child. Of

course, this is not true for all children who have parents that can’t control themselves, but

it does seem to be the norm.

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As a parent, I understand how important it is for us to see our children performing

well and to winning, there’s nothing wrong with wanting your child to shine in anything

they participate in. It’s only when, as parents, we can’t accept the not performing well

and the not winning when you see the ugly side of parents whose kid is involved in youth

sport that’s the only time you wish parents weren’t involved and they had stayed home.

It’s almost unbelievable when you hear a parent humiliating their kid in front of a

gym full of people after they have loss or have “performed poorly”, at least in the mind of

their parents. It’s even more mind-boggling to see a parent physically abuse their child

due to a loss a missed shot, a dropped ball or whatever triggers the unacceptable abuse

and lets make this very clear, there is absolutely no reason for any type of verbal or

physical abuse to a child after something as trivial as a youth sporting event. There is

simply no excuse and no room in youth sports for any form of mistreatment to a child

because of what you, as a parent, thought they should have done during the game or how

they should have performed based on your “own expectations”. Any youth sporting event

regardless if it is AAU or recreational is still a meaningless game, win or lose, if the child

performs well or not it doesn’t matter and it should never ever result in abuse!
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Parents often complain about the coaches and the referrers, but not many of them

are willing to become referrers or volunteer their time to coach a team, especially a team

their kid is not a part of. Parents have very high expectation for coaches, referrers and the

programs their kid is a part of they expect everything from making their child a better

player to creating a fun and exciting atmosphere; but many parents aren’t willing to get

involve with the process of creating or developing that atmosphere. How, by cheering in

the stands instead of complaining, by getting along with other parents even the parents of

the other team. By leaving the referrers alone, by encouraging team instead of promoting

selfishness and individualism there are plenty of things parents can do.

It is easy to blame a coach or the program for the poor performance displayed by

the team or your kid and many parents do, they blame everyone but never assumes any of

the responsibility. Very few parents actually take the time to help their kid become a

better player and/or teammate they don’t even take the time to find out if the kid really

wants to participate in the sport they’re playing. Yet, those parents who do spend the time

helping their kid can quickly see if their child really wants to play and if they have the

skills and attitude needed to become a better player in their chosen sport. Getting

involved in your child’s sport and not simply the sport itself, but the program and/or the

club, understanding what has to be done and the time it takes. I believe this will help

parents appreciate what a challenge it is to facilitate parents, players, practices, games

and the rest of the pieces necessary to develop a good youth program and to help “your”

kid become a better player.

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It is extremely difficult to build a program that produces players who can go from

the “little league” arena to a high school setting without missing a beat and many parents

expect youth programs to be able to do just that, but without their support. There are not

many programs or coaches out there, at the youth level, that can make a child’s

transitions from youth sports to high school sports effortless without the support of the

parents, but those coaches and programs that can make the youth athlete’s transition from

“little league” to high school effortless, have complete cooperation from the parents.

Without fail, from my experience, those parents who support the youth program and try

to make the program stronger and better and not just their kid, those parents and their kid

have an easier time moving from the “little leagues” to high school.

With this in mind, there are many things that parents can do to help an average

program move forward and become an exceptional program, other than coaching.

Although it seems that coaching is the most important part of the youth program, it is just

a small piece of what needs to be done to keep the youth athlete encouraged and excited

about participating in sports at the high school level and beyond. Find out how you, as a

parent can get involved to keep the youth programs strong and to, maybe, gain a little bit

of appreciation for those who work with your kid for countless hours throughout the year,

largely for free.

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As a coach I’ve had the pleasure of seeing kids grow from game to game and

season to season, and as they get better at their sport of choice they move from the youth

recreational level, to the youth competitive level, and eventually to the high school level.

At the recreational level kids come to a team, or are assigned to a team and many of these

kids have never played organized sports ever, and the majority of them have no clue

about the sport they’ve chosen or that was chosen for them. They’ve only seen it played

on television or mom and dad suggested to them that they should play so the kid, along

with the help of their parents, decided to give it a try and that’s great. Coaches at the

recreational level get kids who are full of energy and ready to play, but not really ready to

listen, many of them believe they already know how to play the game and convincing

them otherwise is a difficult and funny task, sometimes.

Sadly, some parents or deciding to by pass the recreational level and are spending

a lot of money sending their kid to specialized trainers or programs to jump start their

child’s athletic “career” in an attempt to move them directly into the competitive level.

The competitive level is a totally different ball game no pun intended, there are traveling

fees, coach’s fees and/or club fees, club fees should only apply if your child plays on a

club or select team, of course. There are competitive programs available where coaches

don’t get paid and the teams may or may not travel to other states, obviously there is

travel within the state and there is some cost associated with that as you might have

expected some of those expenses tournament fees, gas, food, etc., and lodging in some

cases.
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At the competitive level these kids know how to really play the sport they have

chosen they have plenty of talent, plenty of skills and they expect their coaches to help

them improve those skills and their parents expect the same. These kids expects their

coach to strengthen their fundamentals, teach them new moves, techniques, plays and

strategies and in most cases I agree with them, as a coach of a competitive team you

should have a higher degree of knowledge about the sport you are coaching. You should

be able to increase the athlete’s knowledge of the game, as well as there skill level.

Parents spend lots of money with the expectation that their child will be able to smoothly

move into high school athletics, realistic or not.

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At the high school level, on occasion, you have kids who have never played youth

sports, which is sometimes unfortunate for them because they are usually way behind and

hardly if ever, get a chance to play, unless they have some ability and talent. A good thing

for parents to keep in mind is some kids who have never participated in youth sports can

still turn out to be phenomenal high school player. Don’t get so worked up about your

child playing or not playing sports before high school, participating in youth sports does

have its advantages for some kids, but it doesn’t guarantee success at the high school

level. For that matter, neither does paying lots of money and sending your kid to a

specialist for lessons or training for a chosen sport. To often parents want to make sure if

there’s a train headed for a division one college or the professional ranks their kid is on it,

so every waking moment their kid is training, practicing, or playing, wow. The youth

sports participant or youth athlete is typically between the ages of seven and thirteen,

these kids aren’t getting paid there is nothing monetarily coming to them, they get

nothing and all the training in the world at ten years of age guarantees them nothing

beyond the youth sports experience.

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Despite all of the training that many parents put their kids through the odds are

still against them and more times than not the kid gets the short end of the deal, because

mom and dad and even the coaches are using the kid to somehow build their own self-

image and/or self-esteem. Parents will tell you they are just trying to give their child a

head start an opportunity to get a scholarship to a private high school or to a top ranked

college after high school and this may be the intention for many parents and I hope it is

the case, for the child’s sake. Nevertheless, parents and coaches due to their own self-

interest and selfishness sometimes exploit and/or abuse the kid in their endeavor to

produce a “star”, I don’t use those terms, exploit and abuse, loosely either, because they

are serious accusation. However, we have all heard of incidents where a parent, a coach

or another adult seriously injuries a child or burns them out due to over training or

excessive playing or practicing in their quest to “give the child a running start”.
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It is your responsibility as a parent to protect your child, but to often the parents

are the problem or the threat to their own child’s well being if you believe you are one of

these parents this book just might help you. By taking an honest look at your attitude

about youth sports, your expectation for your kid and your behavior when they don’t

meet “your expectations” it will help you in determining if you are helping or hurting

your kid’s youth sports experience. I believe no parent wants to verbally or physically

hurt his or her child over something as insignificant as a youth sporting event so, parents

have to appreciate that there are no ten-year-old superstars, the NHL, WNBA or the PGA

will not offer a ten year old a multimillion-dollar contract, well they haven’t of late. It is

true that kids are becoming professionals at younger ages, but not under the age of

thirteen at least not to my knowledge. For the sake of argument kids who play a contact

sport will never see the professional ranks until they are at least eighteen I’m glad to see

that the NFL is not attempting to draft players right out of high school, in my opinion that

would be disastrous for the kid and the league.

The point is this, try to enjoy the time you have with your kid as a youth athlete

enjoy the inexperience of their play take pleasure in the fact that you get to see them

grow and learn. Let your child be a kid let them make mistakes without your wrath

coming down on them for what you feel is less than their best. You shouldn’t think of

your kid as your ticket to more money, a bigger house or a new car their participation in

youth sports should be used for their growth and their maturity. The odds are against your

kid of ever making millions in the world of professional sports and that’s a fact.

Your Child’s Coach

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The issue of who coaches your child is probably the one aspect of this book I

think parents should pay the closest attention to because the effect that a coach can have

on your child can be long term, good or bad. As parents you have to be deeply concern,

better yet very cautious of who coaches your kid as they go through the different levels of

youth sports, recreational and competitive, regardless if you are spending hundreds of

dollars a month or a small participation fee parents need to remain vigilant. There are a

lot of good coaches coaching youth sports and I believe there are far more good coaches

than bad coaches, however, because parents are expecting more from the youth coach and

demanding that they are experts of the sport and they make “NO” mistakes, less and less

people are willing to volunteer to coach. These days youth sports coaches are expected to

turn kids into a fine tuned machine parents don’t want the dad and mom volunteers

anymore, at least it seems like that’s the unfortunate direction the youth sports programs

are headed. The idea of fun first and the opportunity for kids to be kids and to grow and

learn as they play, and dad coaching the kid and a bunch of his kid’s friends is becoming

a thing of the past.

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Many of the coaches, at the recreational level, are volunteer moms, dads, aunts

and uncles these people give up a lot of their time to do something they may or may not

really enjoy. Not all who volunteer have the experience in coaching, or even playing the

game they’ve decided to coach in some incidents they don’t necessarily want to coach,

but because they care for the kids involved and realize many would miss out on the

opportunity to participate, these people step up to the plate. To all of those individuals

who volunteer to spend countless hours at practices and games, my hat is off to you and

you are greatly appreciated by me and many other parents. The individuals who volunteer

keep the youth sports programs operating they make the programs worthwhile and

enjoyable for everyone involved.

Despite the well-meant intentions of these volunteers there are others whose

intentions aren’t so commendable, which makes it very important that as a parent you are

attentive, that you be present at as many practices and games as you can. Regardless of

the level your kid plays you should never just drop your kid off at a practice and use the

coach and the program as a babysitter or a kids practice as a time for you to take care of

your personal business. Unfortunately, too many parents get into this habit and it’s a

natural responds to begin to trust your kid’s coach, especially when the coach seems to be

doing and saying all the right things. At this point I have to reiterate, I believe there are

far more good coaches than bad coaches in youth sports, but we all know detrimental

issues can arise and it doesn’t matter if the coach is a paid professional or a volunteer. It

makes no different if your kid plays on a recreational team, club ball or is part of a select

team the threat of an inappropriate act by a coach on your kid is still very real.
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The majority of youth sports programs ask that all current and potential coaches

go through a screening process and background checks, which is absolutely vital for the

safety of the children. Sadly, some programs don’t ask for background checks, however,

even with a background check seedy characters can still slip through the cracks of the

process, which makes it critical for you as a parent to pay special attention to who is

coaching your kid, even if the background check comes back clean. I believe it is

absolutely expectable and justified for a parent to ask the program director or the person

facilitating the background check about the information obtained from the background

check of a potential coach. However, I don’t think the parents have right to obtain a copy

of the background check, but to ask if there is something on the report that they should be

aware of, absolutely. It is difficult for me to talk about this topic because as a coach I

want parents to trust me with their kid I want them to be comfortable enough, with me, to

just drop their child off at practice or a game without fear of any type foul play.
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Regrettably, I know there are coaches who want to take advantage of you and

your kid and you have to be on guard for that at all times and you should teach your child

how to recognize the does and don’ts of a coach. Be visible, walk up and talk to the

coach, if he are she is not approachable you might want to reconsider that team or that

person as your child’s coach. I realize not everyone is a social butterfly, but a coach has

to be able to relate and/or communicate to the parents in some fashion, I mean whose kid

is it anyway. To me it is, without a doubt, reasonable that as a parent you want to know

something about the person coaching your kid. Coaches have to be willing to answer

questions about themselves, of course no parent has the right to dig into a coach’s

personal life, but some basic questions should be answered. Questions such as what do

you do for a living everyone talks about where they work, do you have any children

playing on the team, are you married, how long have you been coaching at this level, hey,

these are simple questions that shouldn’t be a problem for any coach to answer. If your

child’s coach has a problem having a simple conversation with you that should be a red

flag, there is no reason for a youth coach to be that evasive about a few simple questions

regardless of how introverted they my be. If you are polite, respectful and courteous, and

have approached the coach at an appropriate time, before or after practice, there should

be no reason for the coach refusing to speak with you.

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It doesn’t matter if your kid’s coach is getting paid or just volunteering you have

the right and the responsibility to survey them you, as a parent you must present a

protective hedge, a visible protective hedge, around your child. In most cases you won’t

even have to have a conversation with your kid’s coach just being present says a mouth

full, and will allow you to see what kind of a coach and person they are. I am not

knocking coaches I’m a coach and have been for sometime, but what I’m attempting to

do is to help you protect your child. Protecting your child should be your number one

priority and if your child’s coach is not familiar to you or even if they’ve been your

child’s coach for years these suggestion may help you, because protection of your kid is

paramount.

o Form an alliance with the other parents.

o Be at every practice you can.

o Don’t have the coach pick your child up for practice or take your child home

from practice.

o Pay attention to how the coach and your child interact.

o Ask your child how he or she likes the coach.

o Ask lots of questions about practice, what was said and done.

o Attend all of the games.

These are just a few suggestions on how you can protect your child and if you

give it some thought I’m sure you will be able to come up with some ideas of your own.
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A lot of parents come to the conclusion that it’s easier to just coach their kid’s

team and doing so can turn out to be an amazing experience. Coaching your own kid is a

great way to build a strong parent child relationship the bonding that goes on between a

kid and their parent during this time is priceless. You can learn so much about your child

and in turn they learn much about you as well, qualities that otherwise may not have been

revealed to either of you ring clear through this experience. Of course, there are those

who think it’s not a good idea for a parent to coach their kid, or rather coach the team

their kid is a part of. I see no problem with it, as long as the parent coaching can be an

objective coach. The objectivity of the parent is usually what is in question, that’s the

problem most people have with a parent coaching a team the parent’s inability to

recognize the team is not about their kid only but about the entire team, that’s the real

issue. When the parent-coach is able to do this, stay objective; the experience for them

especially if they have never coached before, can be remarkable a great time of learning

for them, the kid, and the team.

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Conversely, there are those occasions when parents, while coaching, ruin the

entire youth sports experience for their kid, the other kids, the parents and themselves.

Ruining the experience can happen in several ways, but for me, here are the most

common ways a parent, as the coach, can ruin the experience. First, the parent tries too

hard not to show favoritism toward his or her child and often in the parent’s pursuit to not

show favoritism toward their kid, the parent is too relentless on their child, over board

you might say. For example, the parent corrects their kid on every single occasion not

allowing any room for error and insisting that their kid do extra drills and demanding that

he or she does them perfectly. Of course, this type of behavior or coaching style is not

necessary and in most cases can damage the parent child relationship, and takes away

from the total team concept. The second most common way that a parent, as the coach,

can ruin the experience for their kid is by showing favoritism toward their child. In this

situation the parent allows their kid to do whatever they want and whenever they want.

The parent allows the kid to float through the drills and conditioning with little or no

effort, but is irate when the other players attempt to do so. The coach’s kid may not have

to participate in some of the drills during practice, but will still be one of the starters for

the next game and/or play more than the other players, who participated in the entire

practice.
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Finally, the parent expects too much from their child. The parent expects their kid

to know all the plays, make no mistakes and carry the team to victory. They

unrealistically expect their kid to win the game for the rest of the team because they’re

the coach and that’s their kid. The kid should know what he, the parent, is thinking and be

able to share that with their teammates, a coach on the floor as it were. These types of

behaviors as the coach of your child’s team can wreck your relationship with your child

and destroy the experience of youth sports for both of you, and the other members of the

team. However, if you, the parent, do decide that you want to coach your kid’s team here

are a few things that you should consider to protect yourself from any misunderstandings

or accusations.

o Insist that parents are at practice with their child.

o If they have to leave during practice insist that they are there when practice

ends.

o Never volunteer to pick players up for practice or take them home from

practice.

o Never volunteer to pick players up for games or take them home from games.

o Allow parents to ask questions before or after practice.

o Make sure they have your phone number.

This is just a list of suggestions, however, these are to protect you, the parent,

when taking on the task of coaching your kid’s team. And it’s defiantly possible that if

you sat down and thought about it you could come up with many other suggestions to

protect yourself as well.

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This book is not the say all and do all for parents who have kids participating in

youth sports, neither is it a guide to help parents produce a ten-year-old “super star”. The

book is intended to help parents help their kid find fun and growth in youth sports, to help

parents protect their children from unwarranted advances from adults in the youth

programs and to remind parents that they are the secret to their kid’s success. The points

presented in this book, I feel, are necessary for helping you enjoy your kid’s involvement

in youth sports, and by no means am I saying this book is the only way to approach the

years your child will spend at the little league or youth sports level. What I deem the

book to be is an instrument for parents to use, so they and their child can have the very

best youth experience possible in youth sports. Youth sports is a great time for kids and

their parents, these years will be gone before you know it, so enjoy them.

In the book, Sports Quotations Maxims, Quips, and Pronouncements for Writers

and Fans, Second Edition, Spiro Agnew said “I believe that sports, all sports, is one of the

few bits of glue that hold our society together, one of the few activities where young

people can proceed along traditional avenues, where the desire to win is not only

permissible but encouraged.”

Unconditional Love
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True love is an unconditional act. It is a deep devotion to an object or in our case a

person, your child. Loving them regardless of what they do on the court or field, or better

yet, what they don’t do. Your kid above all else is looking for your approval they want

you to be proud of them and love them as much as they love you. He or she wants to

know that however the game turns out and however they play you will be proud of them

and most of all you will still love them once it is all over. Children, from what I have

seen, love to perform for their parents, especially when their parents are attentive and

encouraging. Unconditional love doesn’t care if the child scores two touchdowns or

fumbles five times. It doesn’t care if the child throws the ball away every single time he

or she touches it or score points every time the ball is in their hands. Parents should

always be on the side of their kid cheering and encouraging them no matter what

happens, no matter how offal you might have thought they performed. Parents should

always express to their kid that his or her performance in a sporting event has no bearing

on the amount of love they have for them. The kids performance in a youth sporting event

and your love should never go hand in hand they shouldn’t even be mentioned in the

same breath not even on the same planet.

Your kid already feels the tension and hostility from the opponent and their fans

they are looking to you for comfort, stability, and need I say support. Parents must keep

in mind that winning is not the most important thing to the child usually, participating and

performing for their friends and family is what’s important to them. What matters the

most is that their parents attends the sporting event, cheers them on and continues to love

them despite their performance and/or the outcome of the competition.

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Parents spend a lot of money sending their children to instructors who specialize

in specific sports and skills, hoping and/or expecting that their kid will emerge as this

terrific player and some kids do. Some kid’s skills and knowledge of the game improves

greatly and the kid’s ability to do certain things on the court or field will also increase,

but so does the “parent’s expectations” for their child. Along with expectations comes

disappointment “the failure to satisfy” and that has nothing to do with unconditional love,

as far as I’m concerned. We all invest in our children, we teach them, we spend money on

them, we show them how and we help them with things, any time spent with your kid is

an investment, but expecting a return on your time or your money is not an unconditional

investment.

Webster defines unconditional as having no conditions or stipulations it is

absolute and absolute is without reference to anything else money, specialized

instructions or your own self-interest. If all the training and coaching you’ve paid for

doesn’t produce the results in your child you were looking for or expecting don’t let that

be the determining factor on the degree of love you have for your child. Because there’s

one thing I know for sure, no one cares about or loves your kid the way you do and not

many will go to bat for them either. You are the Minister of Defense, when it comes to

your kids, there will be all kinds of advice offered up on what you should do for your kid,

to your kid, about your kid, where to take your kid, where not to send your kid and on

and on. The bottom line, you have the final say, out of love and concern for your child

you and whomever you trust the most should determine the next steps for you child, I

mean whose kid is it anyway!

Don’t Be Disruptive
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Every parent believes their kid is the best player on the team they think the team

couldn’t function without their child, wrong! When this is a parent’s attitude they tend to

make negative comments about the coach and/or other players, and there’s no harder task

for a youth coach than to overcome the pessimistic comments made by a parent to their

kid about the coach and/or his or her teammates. In youth sports a kid may not hear a

word the coach says in the huddle or that is yelled from the bench, but they will always

hear the slightest words spoken from their parents. As a coach you’ll look out on the floor

or field and you’ll see one of your players pouting or sobbing uncontrollably, so you’ll

call a time out because you’re thinking they’ve hurt themselves or something, and when

you finally get them to the sideline you find out it was just the kids dad, he yelled out

something that completely traumatized your player; and because of dad’s untimely and

unwanted command, getting junior to regain his focus is extremely challenging.

The negative comments and complains said to a child by their parents during the

ride home from practice, the ride from the game, to the game and many times during the

game, can really disrupt your child’s ability to fully commit to the team and the coach’s

philosophy. Criticizing your child’s coach and/or teammates makes it very difficult for

your child to concentrate on what he or she needs to do to be a solid team player. The

parent’s attitude toward the team and coach confuses the child, in my opinion; the child

may feel “if my parents don’t like the team and/or the coach, than why am I on this team

and playing for this coach”. More than anything else your child wants you’re approval

they want you, their parent, to be proud of them to approve of the team they’re apart of.
Whose Kid Is It Anyway 24

Your child wants to know without a doubt that you are happy with the choice

they’ve made on choosing a team this matters to them more than most parents realize or

care to realize. When your child feels like you hate their teammates and coaches, it shows

up in their attitude, their practice habits and the way they perform during the games. Your

child’s concentration at practice or during the game just isn’t there, because they are to

concern about what you’ve said, how you feel and you dissatisfaction with the team and

the coaches. Because of your attitude, towards your child’s team and coach they don’t

know if they should like the coach or their teammates and if they do will you be mad at

them. It may sound silly, but we are talking about kids, kids who need your acceptance

and approval it is necessary for their success.

Coaches can always tell when parents have talked negatively about them to their

players, because the child’s behavior reveals the conversation and the negative

comments. Suddenly, the child is questioning the coaches decisions on everything, play

calling, player personnel, the amount of playing time that they get as well as, the playing

time given to their teammates. The child also does things during the game and in practice

that is not part of the team’s system, things that are beyond his or her ability and out of

character. This type of behavior becomes disruptive to the team and is unacceptable; it is

also unfair to the other team members. Unfortunately, for your kid, a good coach can’t

jeopardize the wellbeing of the entire team for one player, which means the coach will

have to take the necessary steps to ensure the welfare of the team. These steps may

include reducing your child’s playing time, limiting his or her participation in practices

and games and if the situation becomes to disruptive, removing the kid from the team.

For most coaches the removal of the kid from the team will be the last resort.
Whose Kid Is It Anyway 25

The lessons we learned as children always seem to be the most valuable for us as

adults, and the lesson of “if you can’t say anything nice don’t say anything at all” is a

lesson we need to apply to this situation. The critical remark towards your child’s team

and coach makes your child extremely un-coachable, believe it or not. If your child feels

that you don’t think the coach knows what they are doing and is not a very good coach

your child will be unwilling to listen to any of the coaches instructions.

Your child believes that you know what you are talking about and when you say

their coach is a loser and a idiot they think, “why should I listen to a loser, why should I,

follow the commands of someone who doesn’t know anything”; after all you’ve taught

them better than that, right. Players that are not coachable are also incredibly disruptive to

the team they send the wrong message and as adults we know what that message is, if he

or she doesn’t have to listen to the coach neither do I, which results in complete chaos.

Lack of playing time and/or dismissal from the team is usually the necessary steps for

uncoachable players.

If as a parent you feel the program, the coaches and the players are worthless and

your kid is so much better and smarter than everyone else, simply remove them from the

program. Find the spot for your kid find the program that you think is capable of

producing what you want to see from your kid, do some research find the best fit for your

kids talent. I mean whose kid is it anyway!

Show Respect
Whose Kid Is It Anyway 26

Don’t reprimand your child during are after a game because you thought they

could or should have done better, especially in front of their teammates. Embarrassing

your kid in front of their teammates and other people in the gym is a crushing blow to

your child’s self confidence, ego and self respect especially coming from you, mom or

dad. Yelling and screaming at them won’t accomplish anything it will only push them

further away from the sport and damage your relationship with them. Putting them down

and calling them names will wound your kid deeply if they had a bad game or didn’t play

well they know it. Respect them enough to give them some space after a hard game let

them know, by not saying anything in most cases, you understand how they feel. A hard

game to them is like a hard days work for you, when you get home you want a little peace

and quite you don’t want to hear a lot of criticism, you want a little bit of reverence from

the ones you love and that’s what they need as well. Respect their hard work, their effort

and commitment just as you would want them and others to do for you when you’ve

worked hard, but things didn’t turn out the way you planned. Give your child the right to

talk about the game or not talk about game, advice and correction is something they don’t

need right after a tough lose allow them to come to you allow let them initiate the

conversation.
Whose Kid Is It Anyway 27

Respect the parents and other adults of the apposing team, as well as those who

are a part of your kid’s team! Not respecting other parents and adults is probably the

biggest problem in youth sports today, in my opinion. Don’t talk negatively about other

players on your child’s team while sitting in the stand, next to those kid’s parents, who do

you think you are. No parent likes hearing unenthusiastic words about their child even if

the comments might be true. Keep your comments about someone else’s kid to yourself,

remember it’s unproductive to make those types of comments those remarks causes your

child to disrespect their teammates, as well. Respect should be given to the referees, the

other players, the other parents and the other teams coach don’t call them names and/or

taunt them they’re all doing their best and hoping for the best just as you are. If you can

referee or coach better than the individuals participating in the sporting event you should

volunteer your time because the children could use your help, since you’re that good!

Parents seem to like discussing the outcome of games with their child’s coach,

especially if the team lost and their child didn’t get the amount of playing time they

assumed he or she should have been given. And most coaches don’t have a problem with

discussing playing time and a lost, but most won’t want to immediately after the game.

Losing is hard for coaches to, they take them personal, sometime, and they are angry

and/or very disappointed afterwards just as you are, so it is wise to follow the 24 hour

rule that most coaches have in place. The rule is simple, wait 24 hours before you

approach your kid’s coach about any concerns or disputes you may have. By respecting

this simple request you give yourself and the coach an opportunity to calm down, a

chance for both of you to get your emotions under control.

Whose Kid Is It Anyway 28

Nothing gets accomplished when no one is listening and believes me neither side

is listening when there is too much emotion involved. It is also a poor example for the

kids, as adults we tell our kids to behave and show some discipline, while we rant and

rave out of control over a fourth grade sporting event. If you are having that much

heartburn from your kids team and coach you probably should find another team the

heartburns not worth it.

Be Honest with Your Child

It is of great benefit to your child when you, their parent, are absolutely honest

with him or her about their ability to compete, at whichever level they decide to play.

Although they are still children and their full abilities and/or potential has not yet

materialized it is important that they are playing at a level, which will challenge them the

most. In some cases they may need to play at a higher level their skills may be such that

they are ready to play with seventh graders as a sixth grader. You need to be the judge of

that and if you’re not sure ask the coach or someone whose judgment you respect. It does

your child a disservice if he or she is playing at a level that is not testing them and

pushing them to become better player. Conversely, it does them no good to be playing at

a level that is too competitive for them, doing this causes them to questions their ability

and destroys their self-confidence, not is all cases. As everyone knows confidence and

belief in ones own ability is one of the main ingredients in succeeding in sports and in

life.
Whose Kid Is It Anyway 29

If your child wants to become a professional tennis player but their ability, at the

present time, indicates it’s unlikely or that it will be a very difficult task, tell them so. Of

course, you should never purposely crush your child’s dream, but help them to be realistic

about their abilities and their goals. I have never met a child who plays sports who didn’t

want to become a professional athlete, for some children that is a realistic goal but for

others it is not pragmatic. However, parents need to inform their children that the odds of

becoming a professional athlete, in any sport, are against them even if they are very

talented. As a parent you must also make it clear that even with talent injury is always a

possibility and depending on the seriousness of the injury they may never play sports

again at any level.

More and more parents are doing all they can to bring out the athletic prowess of

their kid sending them to specialized camps, classes, schools and enrolling them in skill

specific programs. This trend toward specialized training has allowed kids to get better

faster, and unfortunately has also opened the door for burnout and injuries. Injuries that

may not have occurred until later in their sports life, but because parents want quick

results and want their kids to have a “head start” they have concede to injuries and the

possibility of burnout. “Well I’m just trying to help my kid get into a good high school

and/or college”, that’s the on going theme from parents who have taken this course with

and my question for parents is, are you really? Are you really trying to increase the

opportunities for you child or are you just attempting to full feel something within

yourself through your child and only the parent can answer that, honestly.
Whose Kid Is It Anyway 30

Your honesty as a parent will keep your kid from chasing unrealistic goals and

protect them from unnecessary grief and injury. Make sure they understand not everyone

will be able to continue on in sports, even into high school, help them realize there is

more to live than sports, man I can’t believe I said that especially as much as I enjoy

sports, wow! Explain to your kid that their character is more important than how many

wins they produce and integrity does count for something. In the book, Sports Quotations

Maxims, Quips, and Pronouncements for Writers and Fans, Second Edition, tennis player,

Arthur Ashe said, “I strongly believe the black culture expends too much time, energy

and effort raising, praising and teasing our black children about the dubious glories of

professional sports. Your son has less than one in 1,000 of becoming a pro. Would you

bet your son’s future on something with odds of 99-to-1 against you? I wouldn’t.”

Playing at The Right Level

It’s critical that you and your kid choose the right level of play. What’s the right

level? That depends on your child’s commitment, ability and the amount of time you as a

parent is willing to commit to. Yes, the amount of commitment you the parent are willing

to put in. Why you, because you will have to make sure your child is at practice at the

game and any other function the coach and/or team wants to participate in. You will need

to make sure your child is on time in the proper gear at the right field or gym in the right

uniform, oh yea, your responsibilities will increase just as theirs will. Determining your

level of commitment will be very important in determining what level of play your kid

will participate in.

Whose Kid Is It Anyway 31

Lets start with the recreational level this level, in most cases, is moderate to low

as far as ability goes, this level is really meant to be fun and extra curricular in its literal

form. The commitment and the amount of time required are also moderate to low, of

course no coach wants you to miss practice, but it is more expectable at this level. The

recreational level is just that, recreation; it gives your kid something constructive to do in

his or her spare time, but it can also be used as a measuring stick in deciding which level

should be next. The recreation level is also for children who just want to play, who really

can care less if they win or lose they just want to play some sports and hang out with their

friends. One thing to note at the recreational level, all players should play an equal

amount of time, coach, that means even the kids you don’t think are very good.

If you and your kid feel they are ready for something more advanced something

more challenging choose a competitive league. Competitive leagues will require more

time on your part and your child’s skill level will need to be moderate to high. He or she

will need to have a good grasp of the game they choose to play, as well as the basic

fundamentals. As was mentioned in the pervious topic, your honesty about your child’s

ability really matters at this point. Competitive sports mean that winning and losing is

important, and your child has to be able to assist the team in winning or their playing time

will be limited. In order for your child to compete at this level it’s very important that

your kid is at practice and is commitment to getting better. They’ll need to understand the

level of play gets a bit more serious as they move up the “level ladder”, so to speak.
Whose Kid Is It Anyway 32

Parents need to keep in mind at the competitive level there is no requirement

and/or rule that says, “your child has to play a certain amount of time during the game”.

Your kid’s playing time, the amount of playing time, is completely up to the discretion of

their coach. This is important to remember, because many times parents will place their

kid on a competitive team and the kid’s ability is not up to par and the parents are upset

because their child isn’t playing as much as they would like them to. Even if your kid

doesn’t get the amount of playing time they and/or you would like, both of you should

still remain committed to the team, practices, and games quitting is not the answer, or is

it. One thing that may help your kid get more playing time is to ask the coach what does

your child need to work on, what can they improve most coaches will talk with you about

this.
Whose Kid Is It Anyway 33

Consider this, some competitive teams are more competitive than others and

depending on your child’s ability they may be better suited for one of the lesser

competitive teams. He or she may be talented and very good at their particular sport but

just not good enough, yet, to play with the team they first choose. Look around and make

sure your kid is on the team that will best fit their abilities. This can be tricky, I’ve had

boys on my football teams who were a lot bigger than any of the other boys and by their

appearance alone it looked as if the kid was going to be a monster, as if he was going to

be able to dominate but just the opposite was true. He turned out to be one of the nicest

kids you could ever coach but he wasn’t going to bust a grape he, at this particular time of

his life, was not a football player. Your child’s size may or may not be the determining

factor on which level they should play. Their knowledge of the game, their mobility, their

aggressiveness, their attitude and their ability to actually compete should be some of the

keys in deciding what is the right level of play.

Know the Game

To really enjoy the sport your kid is participating in you should know what’s

going on. It is defiantly beneficial to you and your child to familiarize yourself with the

game, especially if this is the first time you or your kid has participated in a particular

sport. You need to know what’s the object of the game and where the player should be

positioned on the field or court. It can be frustrating for you if you don’t know what your

child should be doing, which way they should be running or what basket they should be

shooting in. If your kid receives a pass or takes the ball away from the other team what

should they do next?

Whose Kid Is It Anyway 34

Regardless of the sport parents should have some idea of what to expect from

their child, their child’s teammates, the other teams players and the sport itself. Parents

should understand some of the strategies and tactics that are involved and why the coach

may be taken their kid out and put in another player. When parents are familiar with the

game they are better equipped to assist their child on how to perform better, to prepare

better and most of all how to have more fun. By all means know the rules! To often

parents get upset because of a call made by a referee, not understanding that it was the

right call. Referees will tell you, parents go crazy over a call they feel was unfair or not

right, but nine times out of ten the parents don’t even know the rules. By knowing the

game parents will be better equipped to enjoy the game, to know what call should be

made and why, thus less stress on them and their kid. One way to help you understand the

game better is to become a referee, wait a minute; I know that may seem a bit extreme,

but think of the knowledge you would have and could share. Being a referee can be

challenging and will defiantly give you a better appreciation of what it takes to referee a

youth sporting event, especially with parents like you. It’s not as easy as most referees’

make it seems.

Sacrifice
Whose Kid Is It Anyway 35

Sacrifice, the surrender or destruction of something prized or desirable for the

sake of something considered as having a higher or more pressing claim. I like that

definition, that’s what many parents need to do with their memories of how great they

“uses” to be, destroy them. Remember, your time has passed however great you were

when you were playing doesn’t matter. It’s not about you anymore your time has past and

now it’s about your kid and his or her greatness, or not. When we were young athletes

we, parents, all had dreams and aspirations of becoming a professional athlete and some

parents achieved professional status, but most of us didn’t. Whichever group you’re in, it

really doesn’t make a difference in what your child will or won’t accomplish athletically.

Don’t try to recapture your childhood through your kid, never try to live out your athletic

dreams through them. When parents do that they push to hard on their kid, parents expect

their child to do things that they themselves couldn’t even do.

In some cases, parents didn’t have a chance to play sports as a child and now they

want to make sure that their child doesn’t miss out, this is a noble gesture but can be

costly. Trying to make your child do or be something that you always wanted to be but

couldn’t, causes you to disregard your kid’s desires and what they want to accomplish.

The child has to want to play they have to want to do it; I know there are many real life

stories where parents pushed their child right on into the professionals. But there are also

many untold stories about parent who tried to accomplish the same thing, but didn’t and

damaged their child and their relationship with their child in the attempt to produce a

professional athlete.
Whose Kid Is It Anyway 36

Sacrifice your own dreams for something better, your child’s dreams. Allow your

kid to be and to do what he or she wants to do and it may not be sports at all, and that’s

ok. Although you want them to be this great athlete this tremendous superstar it may not

be what they have in mind for themselves, let them establish their own identity. It’s your

child’s turn to shine at whatever they are willing to put forth the effort to achieve and

sports may not be in the equation.

In the book, Sports Quotations Maxims, Quips, and Pronouncements for Writers

and Fans, Second Edition, San Jose State Psychologist, Thomas Tutko said, “How many

millions of youngsters are we sacrificing along the way so that 10 players can entertain us

in a pro basketball game? I’m concerned with how many good athletes have been scarred

by injury or burned out psychologically by the time they were 15 because they were

unable to meet the insatiable needs of their parents, their coach, their fans or their own

personal obsession; or are rejected and made to feel ashamed because of their limited

athletic prowess. We’ll tolerate almost anything in the name of winning-cruelty,

insensitivity, drugs, cheating and lying - is it any wonder the sports field is overrun with

neurotic behavior?”

Show Some Humility

Whose Kid Is It Anyway 37

There is no denying, some kids are better than others. You watch some kids play

and you say to your self “that kid is good”. Everyone in the place knows they are good it

is apparent that they’re the best player on the field and everyone wants to watch him or

her play. As that kid’s parents what do you do, how should you act? I can tell you what

you don’t want to do or how you shouldn’t act you don’t walk around telling everyone in

the place that that’s your child and how awesome he or she is. Your child came to the

game with you, and more than likely, they will probably leave with you point being,

people will know that’s your kid and they will recognize what a “great parent” you are. A

bit of sarcasm there, I know, hey, it’s a wonderful thing to have talented children and you

should be proud of them, there’s no doubt. But not everyone will have kids that are so

talented, in fact, you will see more kids than not who aren’t very good at the sport they’ve

chosen you’ll ask yourself “why are they out there”? The answer is, they are out there

because they want to play they enjoy the game just as much as your kid and has the right

to be out there, like everyone else.

Show some mercy to those kids, put your pride and arrogance away show a little

humility and be “thankful” for the talent your kid has. Boasting and bragging about your

kid can come back to haunt you it causes parents and other children to find fault or

mistakes made by your kid and that’s unfair to your kid. Your daughter may be a great

person and very humble in nature, but because of you they get a raw deal they get judged

unfairly not for who they are, but for what you’ve told everyone they are. Get out of your

kid’s way let them and their talents speak for them, “not you”, put away your expectation

for them. Teach them to be thankful for their ability as well, and to appreciate the

opportunity to display it in front of friends and family.

Whose Kid Is It Anyway 38

Winning vs. Losing

Everybody wants to win even your kid no one wants to be on the losing end of

anything, but everyone can’t win there will always be a winner and a loser that’s why

they keep score to determine the winner. The difference between the two, winning and

losing, is the way a person interprets them and for kids, that basically depends on their

parent’s view of winning and losing. For the most part children can except losing and can

learn from it more so than their parents can, but the difference between winning and

losing, for most kids, is how their parent treats them afterwards. I know you’re smart

readers, but just for clarity I would like to explain what I mean, if you are angry after

your kid loses and are unable to talk to them about the game they may interrupt losing as

something awful; and depending on how strong your relationship is with your child they

may think they are awful to. Most kids enjoy playing more than anything else, they are

happy to be out there with their friends and quickly seem to realize that winning is not all

that important, unless they have been inoculated with the idea that winning isn’t

everything, it’s the “only thing”.

Whose Kid Is It Anyway 39

In reality winning or losing really makes no difference at all when compared to

the big picture and make sure your kid knows the big picture, which is, regardless if they

win or lose, he or she will still have to clean their room, do their homework, and take out

the trash. Winning a game on Saturday or Sunday doesn’t produce A’s and B’s in the

classroom, and on the flip side, losing doesn’t produce D’s and F’s. It’s great when your

child is on the winning team and you should celebrate wins there’s no doubt about that.

However, there will be a loser and your kid might be on that team, so celebrate their

effort and their competitiveness keep them from thinking that because they lost a

basketball game or a gymnastic contest it somehow defines them as a person or worse a

loser.

Nevertheless, there are countless of positive things to celebrate with your child

after a loss, your child will really appreciate the fact of knowing they are more significant

to you than a silly sporting event. Celebrating a win is important and easy to do even

when your child didn’t perform well, but helping them to see something positive out of

losing, now that’s essential for real growth. Help your child be a good loser, not

excepting losing as a way of existence, but helping them recognize the areas were they

can improve their skills and raise their level of play. Not to necessarily win next time, but

to grow and mature as a player as adults we know just because you perform better and

work harder that doesn’t automatically translate into a win.

Show Sportsmanship
Whose Kid Is It Anyway 40

The dictionary defines sportsmanship as sportsmanlike conduct, as fairness,

courtesy, being a cheerful loser. What a great definition, what a great way for parents to

act. Of course, sportsmanship applies to the athletes, but good sportsmanship should and

must apply to the fans and the parents in the stands. It’s embracing and somewhat

humiliating for a kid when they see their parents in the stands yelling at other parents,

player, and referees. As parents we have to demonstrate the right behavior for our

children telling them not to yell and not to fight is not as effective as showing them how

not to do these things. We all know the old saying “actions speak louder than words”. The

best part of the definition on sportsmanship is the last part, being a cheerful loser, this

doesn’t mean you and your kid should start to enjoy losing, but to take pleasure in the

lessons learned from losing. Losing a game is not the worst thing that could happen to a

kid and winning is sometimes overrated, so after a win don’t get too carried away.

Congratulate the winners, shower them praise and honor “give credit where credit is do”,

but don’t degrade or humiliate the loser just because your team won “on the scoreboard”.

Be positive when talking to the children of the losing team let them know what they did

well, ask them if they played hard and gave it all they had, and if the answer is yes, let

them know that makes them a winners, despite the scoreboard.

Whose Kid Is It Anyway 41

Many High School Athletic Associations are in the process of addressing the issue

of sportsmanship in high school athletics. High school athletes have taken to

“showmanship” rather than “sportsmanship” and the associations don’t necessarily like

the attitudes and actions that comes along with showmanship, but preventing this type of

behavior starts long before young athletes reach high school. If showmanship is allowed

at the youth level the athletes will continue that trend into high school so, needless to say,

deterring the finger pointing, the chest pounding and the trash talking at the youth level is

the key to averting the problem in high school. Is this a sure fire way of preventing

taunting and trash talking in high school of course not, but it is the first step and a very

good step to helping athletes understand the meaning of sportsmanship.

Understand, being excited after a good play or being victorious after a hard fought

game and show exuberance is all well and good, and should be displayed, in my opinion.

However, that’s not what I’m talking about here and I think you all know what I’m

referring to, we see the showmanship more so with the boys than the girls, but lately I’ve

seen a lot of chest pounding with the girls.

Have Fun

Not many parents know how to have fun while watching their kid participating in

a sporting event. Parents don’t have fun because they are to busy yelling instructions to

their kid, questioning every move the coaches make and complaining about the other

players. Parents could enjoy their kid’s play a lot more if they came to the game without

any expectation. Remember you’re not going to a professional contest these are children

trying to do the best they can for you and their coach. Mistakes will be made a lot of

them, understand that and except it.

Whose Kid Is It Anyway 42

Here is a good why parents can have fun, encourage your child to have fun and

mean it, don’t say “have fun” and then in the very next breath say, but you have to win.

Don’t worry about your kid winning or losing if you don’t they won’t, and then you and

your kid can truly enjoy the game together. Cheer them on even when they mess up, clap

and encourage them even when it looks like they and/or the coach has no clue about

what’s going on out there. Get to know the other players on your kid’s team as well as

their parents, by doing so you won’t focus just on your child and you’ll want all the

players to do well. Who knows, you might develop a friendship with some of the other

parents, which could turnout to be very enriching for you and them. If you notice one or

two parents don’t know the rules and you do, help them to understand what’s going on it

might provide you with a bit of gratification to help someone. Try not to be a lone ranger,

don’t sit away from all the other parents and isolate yourself and your family, that’s not

productive and it’s not fun.

By being a part of the entire event and leaving your expectations at home you will

find it easy to get your hands around the fun that is usually missed by too many parents.

A Traveling Team
Whose Kid Is It Anyway 43

A traveling team is a great opportunity for kids participating in youth sports,

there’s nothing more exciting for a child than to travel to another town or state to

participate in a sport they enjoy. It’s exciting for the child of course, but it is equally has

exciting for the parents, you get to see your kid compete against some of the top players

around the country. It’s a great feeling to know your child has an opportunity to travel

and play, not many kids gets such an opportunity. Your kid gets a chance to compare his

or her abilities, and skills to other players who are just as good or better. They get a

chance to see just how skilled they really are and some insight on which areas they need

to improve upon. They get a chance to meet other boys and girls who enjoy the sport just

as much as they do and in every case, no exceptions, they are face to face with kids

they’ve never met before with the possibly of creating a friendship that could last a

lifetime.

Traveling with your child is the best way to go, in my opinion, but not everyone

has the money or the time to travel so you really want to think through the idea of a

traveling team, make sure it’s a good fit for you, your kid, and your pocket book. If you

do decide the traveling team is something that makes sense for you and your kid, consider

this list of suggestions, especially if you’re not able to travel with the team:

o Don’t send your kid on every trip.

o Send your kid with another family member.

o If there is a family member in the city the team is going to ask them to contact

your kid and attend some of their games.

o Create an alliance with other parents who are traveling with their kid.

o Make sure your kid is mature enough to travel on his or her own.
Whose Kid Is It Anyway 44

o Be sure that your kid wants to even go on the trip if you can’t go with them.

o Give your kid a cell phone and tell them to call you daily and after every

game.

o Have the numbers and locations of where your kid will play and lodge.

o Give your kid or their chaperon enough money for food, souvenirs and/or

recreation.

This can become an inexhaustible list and I’m sure you can add many of your

own precautionary ideas to the list, however the considerations are strictly for the

protection of your child. Take every precaution necessary to protect your kid when they

travel, especially if you are unable to travel with them. I suggest that if you have any

apprehension about sending your child on a trip without you, don’t do it; particularly if

the situation is something you’re not comfortable with, don’t send them! Not going on a

few trips wouldn’t damage your child there will be other opportunities when the

circumstances are more conducive for you and your child to travel together. A traveling

team can be a great experience for your kid and lots of fun, but like any condition in life

it can also be risky if not handle correctly.

Having the Right Equipment

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This topic may seem somewhat ridiculous to even discuss, but there are parents

who don’t know what type of gear is required for their kid’s sport. It’s important to have

your child properly equipped with the correct shoes, shorts, glove, racket or whatever’s

necessary for them to be successful. If your child is participating in a contact sport the

right equipment is critical for their success, and more importantly for their safety, so they

won’t get seriously injured. If your kid has a bad knee or ankle make sure they have a

brace that fits and will adequately support and protect area, on the other hand if a child

does have a knee, or an ankle that is tender or damaged, don’t let the play. Preventing

serious injury is always at the top of the list having your kid play injured is stupid don’t

risk long-term injury.

Be wise about the type of equipment you purchase because many times your kid

will only use it for one season and for just one sport. It is not necessary to purchase the

most expensive gear for a growing child, but it is vital for them to have equipment that

will last throughout the season, you can always find good used equipment Be certain the

gear fits, if they are playing basketball make sure they have basketball shoes not running

shoes, the areas needed for support are different so the right shoes are important. Your

child’s shorts and shirts should also fit properly, we all know what the style is, big and

baggy, but having clothing that is hanging off causes a distraction for your kid while they

are playing and can hinder their performance. If there are any questions about what your

child needs for their particular sport ask the coach or program director they should be

able to help you with any questions or concerns you may have.

You and Your Child

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Always, always remember that this is your child I know that seems very

elementary and may sound even ridiculous to state, but to often parents rely too much on

the advice of other parents and coaches. Direction on what team their kid should play on,

what coach to play for and at what level. Naturally, if you don’t know much about sports

or the sport your child has chosen it does make sense to reach out for help, to try to find

the best route for your child but at the end of the day you and your child should feel good

about your decisions.

What’s right for one kid may not be right for another kid, again it sounds very

elementary, yet parents get so wrapped up in making sure that their child doesn’t fall

behind that they overlook what’s really best for the kid. What’s important is that your

child has fun, first and foremost, that they learn how to play the game they have chosen

and you help them discover what their true abilities are. Your child may be better suited

to be a musician or an artist be open to that and try to recognize what they are truly gifted

in, it may not be athletics. Parents also overlook what their child wants to do the kid

might want to play the piano, but because the parents insist they play hockey the child

becomes unhappy and stressed trying to please their parents by attempting to play a game

they hate, hates a strong word, they strongly dislike.

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Sports does provide children with some very valuable qualities, qualities they will

carry with them throughout their life, that’s a fact, however there or many other activities

available to children that will supply the same or even greater qualities for a kid to draw

on. As a coach, I will always encourage children to participate in sports it builds self-

confidence, friendships, and mental toughness and is a good way to keep your child

active and healthy, among other things. Of course, I’m aware not all children are cut out

for sports not all of them are capable of handling the physical activity, and as a parent you

should be aware of your child’s capabilities and help them choose the best activity for

them.

Private lessons are a great way to go if your child needs a little extra time on the

court or field, one on one instruction can move your child forward faster in the sport of

their choice. However, don’t make the mistake of thinking because your kid is not very

good at their chosen sport all they need is extra instruction or more practice, not true.

They may need time away from the sport, time to grow and mature, or they may need you

to show some interest in them and not so much in the sport they’re attempting to play.

Don’t make the game bigger than your kid.

However, a parent’s involvement means so much to a child, I’ve seen kids

perform awe-inspiring when mom or dad showed up to the game, it was as though they

were a different kid, if you think your presents at your child’s game doesn’t matter, think

again. Just being there and some times not saying a word can make all the difference in

the world for your kid.

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Parents pay hundreds of dollars for private lessons now I’m not against private

lessons, because I’ve done a few sessions myself. I’ve had sessions with players who

wanted a little more one on one time on the court. However, sometimes a parents’ zeal to

help their kid improve his or her skills, they place themselves and their child in a position

to be taken advantage of. Parents are often over charged, greatly, for private lessons that

may not have the desired effect they were looking for. Again, your involvement, your

attentiveness, your recognition and your praise may be all your child needs to take them

to the next level, they might be waiting on you.

Many of the drills and techniques you pay someone else to teach your child, you

can teach them for free I understand not all parents no the game of hockey for example,

but we’re talking about children between the ages of seven and thirteen. So, paying

hundreds of dollars an hour for an adolescent to get better at hockey doesn’t really

register with me. If your child genuinely enjoys the sport of hockey, as they mature the

commitment to become a better player will become obvious, and at that time seeking out

someone for private lessons might make more sense, at least for me. Save your money

before then, or find someone who is willing to help you for free or for a minimal cost,

there are coaches and other individuals out there who are willing to help your kid become

a better player who won’t take advantage of your eagerness to improve your child’s skills.

As was mentioned earlier in this book, many kids won’t go on to play high school sports,

so be smart about whom you choose for private lessons and how much you or willing to

pay for those lessons.

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Nonetheless, if your child is capable and does participate in youth sports stay in

constant communication with them, about how things are going make sure the game is

still fun and exciting for them. Ask your child how they think they’re doing at the sport

they’ve chosen, children won’t always tell you how they are doing and sometimes they

really don’t know how well they’re doing. Talking with them about their performance

might help them discover what they could improve upon or if they are even doing it

correctly. The key is talking to them not yelling or scolding them, let them do most of the

talking about their performance, allowing them to reflect on their own play without you

telling them how they’ve done, allowing them to talk will be more advantageous.

Speak to your child about their teammates, their coach or coaches, even though

you may be very much involved you still can’t see or hear everything that’s being said or

done. It’s necessary to know how your kid’s relationship is developing with their

teammates and their coach. If, for whatever reason, your child is not getting along with

their teammates and/or coach the season could be a long and stressful one for them, and

you, that’s why you need to know what’s happen. Your kid will be willing to give you

that information freely, if they know you are truly on their side that your concern is for

them and not the sport. Matters may be fine, everything could be going great, but it never

hurts to ask and if you don’t ask they may not tell you.
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If your child is on a traveling team and you are unable to travel with them make

sure you are available for them when they return home from their trip. Have some ice

cream and a conversation with him or her, and ask plenty of questions, open-ended

questions, get them talking about what went on, how they, how their teammates did, who

played well and who didn’t, ask them everything you can possible think of. Be sincere

don’t make it out to be an interrogations as though you know something went wrong and

they were a part of it.

Listen with enthusiasm and joy, wouldn’t you want people to listen to your

adventures with that kind of interest. Find out as much as you can about their trip and if

they are not willing to tell you much about it, find out why. There maybe nothing wrong,

the trip might have been fantastic, but make sure your kid understands that you love them

and you just want to know how everything went with the game, the hotel stay, the

recreation, their performance, everything and not because you don’t trust them but

because you love them.

Talk to other parents who went on the trip as well, ask them how they thought

things went and if the trip was well organized, were there enough rooms at the hotel, or

did some people have to stay at another hotel and who roomed with whom, were did the

coach stay, and if they plan on sending their child on the next trip. It’s important that the

avenues of communication are open with your kid and the other parents and that the lines

of communication remain open throughout the season. However, the very best thing to do

if your child is on a traveling team is to travel with them as much as possible, if your

budget allows it.

The Predator And Your Child

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Take every precaution you can to keep your child safe always error on the side of

caution. Be present, make yourself visible for all to see, don’t assume all is well, and be

involved, by doing these simple things you can prevent many of the misfortunes and

destructive proceedings that, sadly, to often happens to too many children. Predators

come in many different packages and they are often very difficult to spot, nonetheless

predators always seem to be able to recognize an unsuspected victim.

The reason the enemy uses a surprise attack is to catch their victims at their

weakest, to catch them with their weapons and their walls of protection down. This is a

very difficult subject for me to write on, because I’m a coach and know some very good

coaches who I couldn’t have imagine would do anything to a child, but they did, and as

parents you have to suspect coaches as well as parents, sadly you have to think they could

be capable of sexually assaulting your child. Unfortunately, this is the world we live in

and sorrowfully these predators will continue to prey on the weakest and most

unsuspected of the human species, children.

Thus, it is our, your responsibility, your duty to serve, protect and defend your

child at all cost it is your obligation as their parent and they depend on you to do so, they

expect it. Parents have lost sight of how precious children are and what youth sports are

really about we have unknowingly placed our children in harms way. We have made it

easy for those individuals who want to purposely take advantage of our children, who

want to use them as objects and possessions for their own perverse pleasure.
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Creating an alliance with the other parents on the team is always a good idea it’s

good to have other parents watching out for your child, as you do the same for them it’s a

terrific situation. Preventing misconduct by coaches and other adults takes the efforts of

many, many who want to protect the children and disarm these predators. Your

relationship with your child is critical and informing them on what is appropriate and

what isn’t assures them that if something improper does occur, they are not to blame. I

cannot emphasis enough how important it is for parents to be apart of their child’s growth

and learning while participating in the wonderful world of youth sports. Don’t let

anything or anyone spoil the great time that can be had during this phase of their life and

yours.

The game can’t become more important than the participant the idea of turning

your child over to a coach or instructor and not mongering the relationship should never

happen. I firmly believe there are more good and up standing coaches out there than not,

but keeping a strong handle out what your kid is doing and who they are doing it with is

still the best method and/or approach I mean whose kid is it anyway!