Albums for the Apocalypse

our picks for 2012

but mostly dicks

2
Editor-in-Chief Sam Knowles Managing Editor of Features Charles Pletcher Managing Editor of Arts & Culture Clayton Aldern Managing Editor of Lifestyle Jane Brendlinger Features Editor Zo Hoffman Arts & Culture Editors Anita Badejo Ben Resnik Lifestyle Editors Jen Harlan Alexa Trearchis Pencil Pusher Phil Lai Chief Layout Editor Clara Beyer Contributing Editor Emerita Kate Doyle Copy Chiefs Julia Kantor Kristina Petersen Copy Editors Lucas Huh Caroline Bologna Blake Cecil Nora Trice Chris Anderson Claire Luchette Kathy Nguyen Staff Writers Ben Wofford Lily Goodspeed Staff Illustrators Madeleine Denman Marissa Ilardi Kirby Lowenstein Sheila Sitaram Caroline Washburn Adela Wu Kah Yangni

CONTENTS
stop talking shit sophia seawell

NAKED PHOTO

3 upfront

4 arts & culture 6 arts & culture 7 lifestyle jane a tail of two lobsters

TOP TEN Things You Dont Want to Hear on Valentines Day (Par t 2)

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 16TH, 2012

upfront

albums for the apocalypse posteditors

talking cats and beautiful ears lily goodspeed hey girl anita badejo

brendlinger growing up blogger clara beyer

sexicon MM love stinks ellen perez

8 lifestyle

Shakespeare on the Green presents a play that is neither by Shakespeare nor on the Green, but is full of bar fights, spangled feathers, cross-dressing varlots, and a raucous good time for all. Swing on by the Granoff Studio 1 Feb. 24-26, with performances Friday and Saturday at 8, Saturday and Sunday at1. Roar.

1 2 3 4 5

Happy Valentines Day!

Actually, I dont like chocolate . Or sex. Wait, I thought you liked Subway.

6 7 8 9 10

My roommates flower s were bigger. I think Im in love with you.

Im pregnant. Ur sa Minor s serenading your gir lfr iendnot from you. I think Im back to liking gir ls.

books is

I have chlamydia. Dont wor r y, youll find someone!

meeting Kafka on the shore to wind up our bird chronicles before 1Q84.

LETTER FROM THE EDITORS Sometimes unexpected things happen. Its important in these situations to recognize the limitations of our control. Epictetuss quotidian philosophy speaks to this problem: Each mans master is the person who has the authority over what the man wishes or does not wish, so as to secure it, or take it away. Whoever, therefore, wants to be free, let him neither wish for anything, nor avoid anything, that is under the control of others; or else he is necessarily a slave. We have only ourselves under our control. As banal as this conclusion is, we often require gruelingly stressful situations to realize its profundity. Post-s offerings today, as ever, come as the product of weeks of work. I wont say that it was hard work, because we were drinking a lot of the time. Ultimately, our efforts boil down to a mantric synopsis of Epictetuss philosophy: Do your f*cking job. And everything will be okay.

OUR ILLUSTRATORS cover // phil lai stop talking shit // anish gonchigar albums for the apocalypse // madeleine denman talking cats and beautiful ears // adela wu hey girl // marissa ilardi me jane you food // caroline washburn love stinks // kah yangni

Stop Talking Shit

sophia SEAWELL contributing writer
Can you open this for me? Do you wanna split a cookie? I hate trying on clothes. Twinsies! These are just a few of the lines from Shit Girls Say that I have said and heard other women say. Thats the thing about stereotypes: They often have at least a grain of truth. Ill admit that the first time I watched it, I found it really funny, as did many other women I know. Maybe were laughing because we recognize ourselves in the video. Maybe were laughing because we find it so over-the-top and silly, like a caricature. But theres also a slightly darker reason. Maybe Shit Girls Say is funny because its a reiteration of all the messages weve been receiving about gender since we were young, messages weve had little choice but to internalize that women are childish, technologically inept, stupid, superficial, forgetful, bossy, melodramatic, and needy. Stereotype-based humor works because its cheap and easily accessible. It plays on ideas that, on some level, we already believe. By laughing at these videos and sending them to our girlfriends, we endorse the notion of women as prime material for punch lines. Its not that we cant say silly words like twinsies or ask for help with our computers. Rather, its that women have much more to say than just those things. Popular skits like Shit Girls Say run the risk of limiting, or in some cases, repressing groups of people by perpetuating harmful ideas about them. At least some videos have found ways to parody the form of Shit Girls Say toward more enlightened ends. Consider Shit White Girls Say To Black Girls by comedian Franchesca

theatre is
roar ing (or will be , next Fr iday)!

music is
Ramsey. So you can say the N-word but I cant? the protagonist asks. The video is not intended to label people as racists. Rather, Ramsey is pointing out that sometimes the wellintentioned ways we try to relate to each other racially can easily become problematic. Its possible that Shit Girls Say articulates the same issues with regard to women that Ramsey addresses about race. Both videos satirize stereotypes, casting them in a humorous light, while at the same time indicating the problems with generalizations: chiefly, that theyre ridiculous. At least we can say Shit Girls Say performed some social good: It reveals how we still reduce people to a set of tired, offensive tropes and prompts a dialogue about how we can more accurately represent them. Illustration by Anish Gonchigar

wonder ing who still watches the Gr ammys.

tv is
wonder ing who still watches Amer ican Idol.

film is

weekend

Post- Magazine is published every Thursday in the Brown Daily Herald. It covers books, theater, music, film, food, art, and University culture around College Hill. Post- editors can be contacted at post. magazine@gmail.com. Letters are always welcome, and can be either e-mailed or sent to Post- Magazine, 195 Angell Street, Providence, RI 02906. We claim the right to edit letters for style, clarity, and length.

charles

Top Five Memes

now fat, and doesnt even like Ryan Gosling anymore .

five

DANCE FOR HUMANITY Bravo Thurs 10:30PM

BUXTON THURSDAY NIGHTS AT VIVA Viva Thurs 10:30PM

THE BROWN BARREL PRESENTS: COSMIC APOCALYPSE Lower Salomon Fri 9PM

THE ROARING GIRL Granoff Fri the 24th, 8pm

IVYQ CONFERENCE Across campus Thurs through Sun

1 2 3

Biostatistics Ryan Gosling!!!

Breading Cats

4 5

Nope! Just Chuck Testa

Success Kid

booze is
totally getting wasted for Humanity tomor row night.

Kim Jong Il Looking At Things

arts & culture

POST-

THURSDAY, FEBRURARY 16TH, 2012

arts & culture

Albums for the

Apocalypse
our picks for 2012

clayton ALDERN, ben RESNIK, and anita BADEJO Twentytwelve is to bring us the end of the world as we know it. Yet, despite impending doom, a few artists have carelessly decided to release albums, and thus, it is our duty here at Post- to compile a list (in alphabetical order!) of the records were looking forward to. Try to give em a good listen before its all over. Cheers. ficial release date yet, but an announcement will doubtless come soon. At Brown on Spring Weekend, perhaps? -BR

Bloc Partys been on a bit of a hiatus since releasing Intimacy in 2008, as frontman Kele Okerekes decision to pursue a solo career provoked murmurs that the British indie foursome was to be no more. But fear notthe New Year kicked off with a slew of interviews in which Okereke confirmed the band had recorded two new songs and completed demos for 17 more to be released later in 2012. Remember when their first album, Silent Alarm, came out in 2005, and high-school-you thrashed to its quick tempo beats and belted the lyrics to This Modern Love alone in your room at night? Yeah, I do too. This is going to be good, yall. -AB

Bloc Party

I dont get to say this often, so Im going to savor the momentOf Monsters and Men is the best Icelandic folk sextet youre likely to hear. The troupe has been waiting on the edge of the spotlight for months, putting out an EP, Into the Woods, two months ago to test the waters. Their harmony-heavy, horn-filled, intelligently written, Iceland-tastic American Debut LP arrives in the US with the band in March, and with half a tours worth of dates sold out already, the reception is going to be anything but cold. -BR

Of Monsters And Men

Trite as this may sound, listening to Cat Power for the first time is an experience that can be described only as religious. Georgian Chan Marshalls soulful voice and haunting lyrics, celebrated on albums such as 2003s You Are Free and 2006s The Greatest, have a way of putting one under a spell they never want to be released from. (Suffice it to say that a certain Post- editor has been lulled to sleep many-a-time by Marshall in the wake of a romantic and/or existential dilemma.) Because Cat Powers most recent album, 2008s Jukebox, was one of gorgeously crafted covers, this summers release of original and newly evocative material is sure to be highly anticipated. -AB

Cat Power

Its impossible not to love The Shins. The indie superstars made dreamy shoegazing pop cool again, and their contribution to the Garden State soundtrack helped keep that movie on the right side of depressing. But when lead singer James Mercer scuttled the original lineup after the release of their third album, Wincing the Night Away, it looked like The Shins fans were going to have to find some new shoes to gaze at. Yet, out of nowhere, the band (or rather, Mercer with a new cast) is back and ready to go with new material. When the new offering, Port of Morrow, drops in March, prepare for a triumphantly lowkey return. -BR

The Shins

Dessa, member of Minneapolis hip-hop collective Doomtree, has what is quite possibly the sexiest voice in, well, music. Rapping and purring over jazz tracks and sultry beats, she creates a sound thats smoother than a silk robe on a stick of butter (nay, smoother!). Last year saw the release of Castor, The Twin, an all-acoustic re-release of some of her most powerful tracks. The passion was relentless but still left us craving new material. This year brings a new studio album, the likes of which will deserve a candle-lit listen with intimate friends. -CA

Dessa

Im Real. If youre in the mood for instant middle school/junior high nostalgia (or just a fantastic album), 2001s Pain is Love is absolutely the place to turn. That said, Pain is Love 2 is on the horizon. Check out the leaked Real Life Fantasy for a preview; its exactly where youd want to see Ja in 2012. Hes still absurdly aggressive; hes still got that smoky, rolling timbre. Whats new? Apparently PIL2 confronts grappling with fame (as epitomized by the intro track, F*ck Fame). I think I smell a concept album... oh dear. -CA

of 2006s Silent Shout, The Knife wrote an opera based on The Origin of Species, while Andersson, under the solo-project moniker Fever Ray, released the self-titled album that gave us weird CocoRosie-ish tribalelectro masterpieces like When I Grow Up and Triangle Walks. If dark, plodding synths and alien vocal manipulation are your thing (theyre certainly mine), The Knifes upcoming release should give you the cuts you desire. -CA

walkto your nearest computer and crank up Spotify. I dare you to get through it without dancing. Their second album, Happy to You, is set for release on March 26, so plan your Spring Break playlist accordingly. -AB

described as so perfect that one may worry shes actually an android herself, which is not an unreasonable thought, considering she has an alter ego named Cindi Mayweather from the year 2719 and is currently slated to release, oh, two new albums in 2012. No big. -AB

Regina Spektor has been putting out new albums every two or three years like clockwork since 2001, and thats not a bad thing in the slightest. The Russian-born singer mixes jazz and alternative styles like they were born to be together and has a voice and a range that would make Julie Andrews raise an eyebrow. Her songs are fun and thoughtful, and every album contains something new. The May 17 release date for her new offering should delight her fans, and for the uninitiated theres no better time to start listening. -BR We all knew it was coming. The White Stripes, The Raconteurs, and The Dead Weather tend to be hailed as Jacks bands: His iconic wailing (guitar and vocals alike) and piercing lyrics have driven the virtuoso to nothing short of deity-level in the music world. The long-rumored solo album represents a final link in his chain-like grip on alternative rock. The pre-released lead single, Love Interruption, hints at a low-key, dirty, and wistful collection reminiscent of the Robert Plant/Alison Krauss Raising Sand release. But who knowsJack White is the king of satisfaction through unpredictability. From Blunderbuss, expect greatness; accept nothing less. -CA Illustration by Madeline Denman

Regina Spektor

Jack White

Karin Dreijer Andersson and Olof Dreijer, Swedish siblings collectively Ja Rule known as electronic duo The Knife, have Nothing screams early 2000s rap like been busy the past few years. In the wake

The Knife

Miike Snow is what you get when you take two Swedes and an American whove produced and written for the likes of Madonna and Britney, unite them in Stockholm, and smother them in synthesizers. That is, indie pop perfection. If you somehow managed to survive the past two years without listening to the bands eponymous first electronic masterpiece, including the epic, reverberating Silvia, rundont

Miike Snow

Though her breakthrough album, The ArchAndroid, was released only in 2010, 60s pop and jazz-inspired Janelle Mone has already become somewhat of an icon in the music industry. Her single Tightrope, was on virtually every Best Song list of the year, while her signature blend of black and white tuxedos and pompadour hair made it just as difficult for people to tear their eyes away from her as their ears. The mesmerizing Mone has even been

Janelle Mone

Mumford & Sons took College Hill by storm with the release of their debut album, Sigh No More. And why not? The band had pitch-perfect harmony, catchy songs, and an upright bassall the things a growing Brunonian needs. Theres been a lot of buildup for a second album already, but fans worried about a sophomore slump neednt feartheres a whole albums worth of unreleased Mumford songs already available on YouTube, and judging by them, its worth the wait. The new offering doesnt have an of-

Mumford & Sons

arts & culture

POST-

Talking Cats and Beautiful Ears

staff writer
Nights. After all, a narrative thread in which the mascot for Johnny Walker becomes sentient could occur in Japan and America in equal probability. Murakamis newest book, 1Q84, was released in the US this October, and I spent most of my winter break struggling through its 1000 pages. That endearing monotony I was talking about? Less endearing by page 800. Yet, 1Q84 succeeds where many of his outher novels do not in two respects. First, Murakami develops a female character who isnt a beautiful-but-ephemeral representation of an idea. Second, Murakami resolves a romantic storyline. I cant tell you how satisfying that was to read after being conditioned by his earlier novels. Unfortunately, Murakami is so well-loved that he now forgoes editors. Still, the novel draws upon that classic Murakami weirdness. A mysterious cult hunts down a dyslexic book author for revealing information about the little people. And no, by the end of the book you still dont know exactly what that moniker refers to. Although reading 1Q84 left me with a pleasant sense of accomplishment, the novel was far from my favorite Murakami work. Here are my top three. Wind Up Bird Chronicle Possibly Murakamis greatest. Monotonous protagonist Toru is pulled into, you guessed it, a strange journey with strange women. But Toru is expertly contrasted by his Machiavellian brother-inlaw, who is one of the most brilliantly nuanced villains Ive ever read about. The book is also home to one of the most political scenes in all of Murakamis novels, a really disturbing depiction of military torture set during the Japanese Manchukuo campaign. Norwegian Wood One of Murakamis only non-surreal books. Another character named Toru

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 16TH, 2012

lifestyle

murakami and the mundanity of the absurd

is a student at a Tokyo university during the wave of 1960s youth protests. Yet, the cultural chaos is only a backdrop to Torus two simultaneous romances. Naoko is a fragile girl devastated by the suicide of her boyfriend. Naokos foil is Midori, who says awesome things like: And what is a revolution? It sure as hell isnt just changing the name on city hall. The book was made into a movie that was recently released in America. Both the film and novel convey a really incredible contrast between the women but also between Toru as an individual within this larger collective experience. Kafka on the Shore My favorite Murakami book and favorite book of all time. A book that I have bought six times because I keep giving it away. I recognize its flaws: it lacks some of Murakamis signature wry humor, and theres an overwrought Freudian element. Still, Kafkas magical elements complement the storyline, and arent weird purely for weirdness sake. The talking cats are there, but the novel is about the universal anxiety of youth, the nature of good and evil, and other very real and very human concerns. Plus, I am slightly in love with every character. Illustration by Adela Wu

Me Jane You Food

a tail of two lobsters
jane BRENDLINGER managing editor of lifestyle
My best friend hates Valentines Day with a Grinch-like fervor. The very mention of February or the number 14 is bound to set her into Seussian rhymes. The candy! The roses! The pinks and the reds! All those frickin smug couples, holed up in their beds! Ive never been a Valentines devotee, but I know that my dear friend does not have a heart three sizes too smalllike a hopeful Whovillian, I set out to prove her wrong. So, how to woo this woman? On the Kinsey scale of sexuality, she falls pretty hard on the straight side, so I figured my best bet was in the kitchen. A romantic dinner of epic proportions, tailored specifically to my pseudolovers tastes. I knew I needed a main course that would dazzle, but not something terribly intensive that Id mess up on the first attempt: a sure-fire bet with a wow factor. Cue lobster. Admittedly a bit of an upfront investment at $8.99 a pound, but completely worth it. My first time preparing this crustacean was frightening, and I felt nave. It started at Eastside Market, when I sidled up to the lobster tank. Id like two lobsters please. What size? Small-ish. Chicken lobster? Blank stare. I hadnt asked for chicken. I wanted lobster. Theyre the smallest kind. Oh. Yes. And so I got a pair of lobsters, a young couple, carried them home alive then chucked them in the freezer. Thatll kill them, I thought. But a frozen lobster, as I found out, isnt a dead one; its just a slow one. Their movements were limited, but it still scared the shit out of me to pull them out of their paper bags, mottled and brown with a million legs and feelers and looking like creatures from Alien. Dropping the sloth-like Jack and Rose (briefly christened) into boiling water also tested the limits of my pescetarian qualms. Itll be over soon, I whispered. At least youll die together, holding claws. I clapped the lid down tight, half expecting an escape attempt. The rest of the menu was a cinch. Ive seen about 95% of what my roommate eats, so it wasnt hard to fabricate her favorite meal. Roasted pears on the salad, a crisp white wine Id tried at a Bottles tasting, and the finale: goat cheese ice cream. (My roommate: I LOVE goat cheese. Just about anything, you put goat cheese on it, and its fantastic. Me: mental note.) The ice cream paired perfectly with cherry preserves, like a tangy cherry cheesecake, and the color palate made the dessert especially Valentines appropriate. Now to set the mood: candles, obviously. Music, a must. I chose the soundtrack of the most romantic movie of all time: The Parent Trap. Natasha Richardson and Dennis Quaid, You didnt chase after me. I didnt know you wanted me to. And LiLo, in her innocence: At home I eat them withpeanut butter! Classic. The look on my roommates face when she saw the set table was worth one million lobsters. Her sheer delight was infectious, and this is what I learned: By celebrating Valentines Day with her, Id found someone to celebrate with me. Give love and get it in returncast a net and catch some freaky looking lobsters. So we raised a glass to that night we met on the QEII, sailed through time back to yesteryearit was the best Valentines Day weve ever had.

lily GOODSPEED

Haruki Murakami may be my favorite writer, but Im not sure I actually understand him. In one of his books, a man talks casually to cats. In another, a woman captivates the protagonist with her impossibly beautiful ears. Two moons hang in the sky of an alternate universe. In Murakamis books, reality is a relative term. Yet, each novels saving grace is the mundanity of the bizarre. In reading, one becomes the confidant of a bored everyman who anchors the surreal vacillations of magical realism. Ethereal women who travel through dreams are common, but always in the vicinity of the amazingly undisturbed narrator. The main character of A Wild Sheep Chase is a boring, chain-smoking office drone, but eventually he finds himself visiting a clairvoyant man dressed like a sheep. Thats just the kind of thing that happens. Murakami is Japanese, but his books have been translated into forty languages and critics often discuss the transnational nature of the novels. As a baby-boomer, Murakami was smitten with American culture. He read Richard Brautigan and Kurt Vonnegut and began a lifelong love affair with jazz. In fact, Murakami owned a coffee shop/jazz club in Tokyo called Peter Cat in the 70s. Perhaps the writers affection for Western culture accounts for the universality of these novels. Characters make spaghetti, listen to Mozart and read A Thousand and One

Romantic Dinner Menu

For your dining pleasure. *Note: Do not eat whole lobster in front of anyone you plan on sleeping with. You will repulse them. Also remember that youre a college student and you dont have the necessary tools to crack a lobsters shell. Think about this. Mixed green salad with roasted pears, shaved parmesan, and sliced almonds Toss pears in butter and sugar, then roast at 400 degrees for about 15 minutes. Toss salad with a sweet balsamic vinaigrette. Lobster with garlic butter and crusty bread Make sure you have many napkins. And dont plan on kissing ANYONE. Goat cheese ice cream with warm cherry preserves The best part was when she realized it wasnt vanilla...

Hey Girl
anita BADEJO arts & culture editor
Alright, Im just going to go ahead and put it out there: I dont get Ryan Gosling. Sure, I thought his accent was kind of adorable in The Notebook. And yes, I found his portrayal of the drunk, belligerent Dean, beside Michelle Williams gut-wrenchingly depressed Cindy, in Blue Valentine impressive and moving. And OKAY, FINE, the moment in which Emma Stones character asks him to reveal his upper body in Crazy, Stupid, Love is one that I will always have an, ahem, fond appreciate for. However, I have also developed similarly silly crushes after watching John Krasinski in Away We Go. And Jesse Williams in Greys Anatomy. And Alec Baldwin. In anything. Yet, rest assured that none of those men would inspire the same outburst I received from my lesbian roommate after she once heard me mention Ryan Goslings name: F*ck me silly! Bridget exclaimed. Welcomed. Welcomed with open arms. Feel free to quote me directly. When it comes to the worship of male celebrities, it seems that no one can hold a candle to The Gos. (Whether this is due to his abilities or his abdomen is a question Im still trying to answerthough I presume its some combination.) One must look no further than to the inordinate number of Tumblrs devoted to the suave Canadian to realize that he holds a special and even, dare I say, sacred place in the hearts and (apparently overactive) imaginations of many. They started off simply enoughF*ck Yeah! Ryan Gosling, Feminist Ryan Gosling, Ryan F*cking Goslingbut now, Goslingrelated Tumblrs address a vast array of sub-

an imagined conversation with ryan gosling

clara BEYER
RG: Oh, nothing. Just made Obama and Kim Jong-un talk. You know, the usual. Me: Wow. Thats amazing. Didnt you also keep two men from brutally murdering each other in the middle of the street in New York last year? RG: Naw. I just kind of placed my hand gently on some dudes chest to keep him from hitting this other dude that stole his painting. Then I gave him $20 to make up for the theft. No big. Me: Oh. And a video of THAT went viral? RG: I was wearing a wife beater in it. Me: Oh, right. So, tell me, whats it like to date Eva Mendes? RG: Why would you want to know that? Huh? Because our society inappropriately fetishizes female celebrities?! Me: Nobecause she seems nice, and Im curious. RG: Well, Im a feminist. Respect. Me: Okaywell, what was it like being Peoples number one Sexiest Man Alive last year? RG: Didnt you hear? I turned that down. I was only the 10th Sexiest Man Alive. Me: Oh, sorry, I didnt realize that RG: Im a humble being. Me: Why did you bring your dog on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon? RG: Because Im the biggest f*cking dog lover on earth. Google it. Me: But, was that really necessary?

Growing Up Blogger
chief layout editor
and sequined skirts and sky-high heels, and I realized I might be a little out of place. Scanning the room for an empty seat, I slid into a row next to a man of about 30, who promptly stuck out his hand for me to shake. He wasnt a fashion blogger either, but a representative for an advertising service, connecting brands and bloggers. I told him about That Girl Magazine (my own creation) and how I wanted to write a college blog for girls that talked about more than what shade of lip gloss to wear on Wednesdays. I made up a few white lies about the extent of my fashion coverage, afraid that if I didnt, the IFB police would swoop in and drag me out of the auditorium with their long, metallic fingernails. Once I was sure I was safe, I took another look at the conference room. In every corner, there were advertisers and affiliate network reps. It turns out that bloggers are the pioneers of the new frontier of marketing. If AriZona can provide enough trinkets for us that we go home and blog about how tasty their new coconut water is, it pays for itself (the very fact that Im writing this now means theyre winning). While the brands tried to sell themselves to us, though, we were all trying to sell ourselves to each other. Networking is uncomfortable enough when youre promoting your employer, but when youre literally walking around a room telling everyone how awesome your personality is, you start to feel a little like Kanye. Pitching yourself without sounding like youre too When I was 12 and self-absorbed in the way that only 12-year-olds can be, I started a blog called International News of Anonymous, in which I talked about how annoying my parents were and how much fun I had at the school dance. My closest friends would write to me asking for input on their most serious problems. Actual example: i LUV shakespear!!!!!!!!!! im obsessed!!! he is hot. i luv him can you help me get over this obsession? I would write back with all of the wisdom I could gather. Um... no? This isnt an obsession My guess is that you were Shakespeares true soulmate, but he dumped you because you were too clingy. I didnt know what exactly I was getting into, but I knew I liked it. Seven years, four hosts, and three domain names later, I found myself at the Independent Fashion Bloggers conference in New York City. I was an interloper, really I discovered IFB this past summer when Id tried to start a fashion diary, a project that fizzled as soon as I realized Im not actually stylish. Regardless, that particular online community gave good advice, even to those of us who didnt know the difference between Jeffrey Campbell and Jimmy Choo. The conference promised insight on topics from creating compelling content to marketing and monetization. I showed up doing my best impression of a good student, notebook in hand, business cards in pocket, ready to learn. Maybe I had underestimated the importance of the term Fashion Bloggers. I walked into a sea of leopard-print pants

holding my own on the internet

into yourself is damn near impossible. Regardless, we all ran around trading business cards and managed to make a few actual friends in the process. I met a blogger who wrote exclusively about what to wear to college sports games, having once received the advice that its important to have a niche. She then introduced me to The Owl Girl, whose entire blog was related to both fashion and owls (this didnt seem at all odd to her, as if the two were obviously linked in ways I just didnt understand yet). When I told a more popular blogger that I followed her, she replied I hope you mean on the internet! and gave me a saltshaker full of sprinkles and a big hug. Suddenly, the girl Id seen anonymously a thousand times online was right in front of me, and absurdly friendly. I thought it was strange that my blogging career had come to this point, requiring me to interact with other human beings in real life. I liked writing online in the first place, I think, because Im more comfortable communicating through the mask of my website than in person. On the internet, nobody has to know how socially awkward I can be in real life. Even if I tell my readers about my quirks, the admission is charming in a self-deprecating way (whereas in real life, I flail about in the Ratty and my friends just pretend not to know me). That Girl Magazine is the first blog Ive written for anyone elses benefit, and its an experience Im still getting used to. Walking around an auditorium of girls with perfect

jects, from the stalwart and scholarly to the downright bizarre. Take, for instance, the following: International Development Ryan Gosling Hey Girl, I Like The Library Too Silicon Valley Ryan Gosling Medieval History Ryan Gosling Hey Girl, I Heart NPR Typographer Ryan Gosling Is Ryan Gosling Cuter Than A Puppy? Ryan Gosling Disneyland Cats And so on and so forth. As if the number of memes devoted to the man and floating through cyberspace werent enough to give me Gos-bumps, Ive also been forced to confront Goslings (admittedly chiseled) face in person numerous times as of late. Hey Girl read the headline above a picture of Gosling smiling on a poster in the stairway leading down to the Friedman early last week. (He wanted me to do something with Mezcla, the Latino Performing Arts Troupe.) Just a couple of days later, the poster was replaced by another advertising the two films that the Late Night Fund screened in Salomon for Valentines Day on Tuesday. Number 1: The Notebook. Number 2: Crazy, Stupid, Love. With all this Gos-sip (almost finished, I swear) around me, I cant help but be a little curious: what would an actual interaction with Ryan Oh-My-Gosling be like? Personally, I envision something like this: Ryan Gosling: Hey girl. Me: Hey, Ryan. Whats up?

RG: Is life really necessary? Me: Hows that relevant? RG: How are YOU relevant? Me: Sorry? RG: Sore-y. Im Canadian. Me: Okay. Ummwhat was it like working with George Clooney for Ides of March? RG: I could take him. Me: No, I asked what it was like to work with himYou know, since hes such an iconic actor? RG: Dudes got nothing on me. Me: Sigh. Okay, Ryan. Well, Ive got to go to class. RG: Okay girl. We begin to part ways. Ryan turns back. RG: Hey girl. Me: Yeah? RG: Thanks for talking to me. You know, I get lonely sometimes, too. Me: Its okay, Ryan. We all do. Ryan Gosling, get out of my brain. Illustration by Marissa Iliardi

smoky eye makeup and DSLRs, trying to convince them that they should care about what I write, I realized I am no longer a self-centered 12-year-old sitting in her bedroom. Im kind of a real blogger, whatever that means, with business cards, networking skills, sparkly nails, and everything. As I sat in the conference room, listening to the panelists discuss their advertising strategies and brand management, I found myself scribbling notes. My Moleskine was full of potential posts and things to do (Update contact page! Make a tumblr! Change my twitter name!). It was exciting, bordering on overwhelming, to see all of the places that blogging could go. That said, at the end of the day, I was glad to get back to the safety of my bedroom and the security of knowing there was a computer screen between me and all other bloggers. Visit Claras blog, That Girl Magazine, at www.thatgirlmag.com. Illustration by Phil Lai

lifestyle
POST-

Elective Contraception
MM sexpert

n. a contraceptive healthcare service chosen by an individual, not an institution, and paid for by an insurance company.
pretty no-nonsense about it on Face the Nation Sunday morning. The solution that the president announced on Friday is one that puts no institution that claims religious objection because its related to the churchin a position where they either have to pay for it or provide benefits that they find objectionable, Lew said. But women will have the right to get them. Its rad to see Obama reaffirming the importance of contraceptive services. The whole Komen debacle restored a little of my confidence in the ability of pro-choice voices to mobilize and initiate change. Still, in Rhode Island, the Forced Birth Movement gets a lot of air-time. Go to Planned Parenthood on Point Street and youll see a whole gaggle of unemployed pro-lifers holding photoshopped fetus pickets; lobby at the Capitol and youll hear an asston of testimonials about how religious faith is the best preventative care youll ever need. A plan to allow womenand not their employersto decide what prescriptions they take seems, in Lews words, like an approach thats right. Naturally, theres a lot of pushback from the righteous malefactors of this daytime melodrama. About Obamas plan, Chuck Colson of the Christian Post writes: Whats really at stake is whether we will continue to be a free country. Which hardly seems like the right critical tack, seeing as how the modification would put contraceptive freedom in the hands of the individual. The employee gets to choose whether or not she will pursue contraceptive care without regard for the religious affiliation of her employer or cohorts. If personal freedom is really whats at stake here, why are opponents of the plan fighting for institutions to make health care choices on behalf of their employees? The law, if anything, protects religious liberty. Also, why does Chuck Colsons writing sound like the sensationalist script of a bad All My Children episode? Unsurprisingly, one of the most outspoken opponents of the rule was Rick Santorum. This is not what the government should be doing, said Santorum through a mouthful of horseshit. Whats more, he predicates his argument not on the protection of religious freedoms, but on the principle that contraceptives are inexpensive and universally attainable. This is something that is affordable, available. You dont need insurance for these types of relatively small expenditures. Of course, if youre a loaded member of a privileged community, all you have to do is pop on over to the Duane Reade and pick up a rubber, faith permitting. But if you need a prescription for the pill, an IUD, a patch, a diaphragm, or any other hormonal contraceptive, youre looking at hundreds of dollars per item... so yeah, female contraceptions really not that hard to get. When he voiced his opposition, though, Rick probably didnt lose any friends. Earlier in the week, he lost what remaining self-respecting female supporters he had when he stated that women were too emotional to serve in front-line military combat. People naturally may do things that may not be in the interest of the mission, because of other types of emotions that are involved, Santorum said. That was when I turned off the news, got a pint of Ben and Jerrys, put on General Hospital, and cried tears of pure estrogen.

Being an advocate for womens health and reproductive justice is a lot like being a fan of a super torrid soap opera. Though the plot moves with tragicomic slowness, theres always something keeping the main players in histrionics: Obama, the withered patriarch; Santorum, the sociopathic antagonist; Nancy Keenan, the benevolent grandmother; Jessica Valenti, the hottie with chutzpah; Dan Savage, the tart with a heart. Theres a Greek chorus-style cast of congressmen and bloggers just beyond the frame, interjecting words like outraged, faith, and freedom, and Ani DiFranco plays Napoleon as the credits roll. The DVD bonus features are just five-hour reels of Karen Handel picking her camel-toe in Cheeto-colored pantsuits. Theres always something to talk about in pro-choice politics. Things got interesting this week when Obama announced a modification to a recent health care rule that will make insurance companies responsible for contraceptive and sterilization coverage. This takes the onus off individual employers to provide contraceptive coverage to workers free of charge. Chief of Staff Jack Lew was

Love Stinks
ellen perez staff writer
Up until Tuesday, the best Valentines Day Id ever had was in the 5th grade. Eddie Donovich had just publicly declared me his girlfriend via his AIM profile, and as a testament to our budding relationship he threw a box of Russell Stovers at me in the cafeteria before running back to his own table. My giddy childhood crush (not to mention those waxy lemon crme filled delights) filled me with a joy I didnt think could ever be topped. Unfortunately, I was right. Since age 10, its all been downhill. Ive survived too many versions of awkward Valentines Days. In my freshman year of high school, much to my dismay, I received a dreaded singing Valentine from our high school a cappella group in the middle of the quadwhich unfortunately turned out to be from someone to whom I could only respond, upon their nervous revelation of their identity as the sender, Oh, umthank you. Later on in high school, I suffered through a few separate occasions when negligent boyfriends either forgot, didnt bother, or made minimal effort (e.g. more Russell Stovers and a rose he clearly bought from the girl selling them in the parking lot) on Valentines Day. Last year, determined to have a positive attitude about Singles Awareness Day, I asked a male friend to meet me for coffee, so the two of us could celebrate being platonic friends and yet still be able to say we had dates. He agreed, but upon actually meeting me (at the Blue Roomnot the most romantic location in the first place) said, Um, could we make this quick? Im meeting someone I actually like in half an hour. This year I was determined to take a different approach. Screw putting on a brace face but secretly crumbling inside when three smiling girlsin a row! pass you on Main Green with giant bouquets of red roses. No date with Ben and Jerry or Harry and Sally for me either, though. Determined not to pity myself nor

except the unconditional kind

put up a faade of happiness, this year Im just going to openly hate this day, I decided. After all, why do people who are in relationships need another day to congratulate themselves on how happy they are? I loudly voiced this opinion to my roommate, who, also being single, I assumed would agree with me. Instead she seemed concerned. After all, she reminded me, Valentines Day was about expressing love to all the people in your life, not just your significant other. With that thought, she paused before a smile slowly crept over her face. I know what Im going to do, she said mischievously, and told me to block out the evening of February 14thbecause I definitely had a date for Valentines Day. I had no idea what to expect. I assumed it would be a memorable meal, since shes after all the food columnist for this very magazine as well as an everyday culinary artist in our kitchen, but I couldnt imagine what she was this excited about. I texted her when I was 10 minutes from home and practically raced back in anticipation of my big surprise. The house was quiet and dark when I opened the door. I threw my backpack and coat on my bed before stepping into the hallway. Hello? I called, seeing a light on in the kitchen. I Love You (for Sentimental Reasons) played, and my roommate emerged (rather saucily, I might add) into the hallway. Welcome home, she said, and beckoned me into the kitchen. Nothing could have prepared me for the picturesque display that awaited me. Steaming lobsters and a bottle of whiteall set against the romantic candlelight that had been denied me so many years. Needless to say, I flipped out. And the best part? This sort of romantic dinner could never actually be attempted with someone you want to find you sexually attractive, which made it perfect for the two of us. With

a friend its fine if you discover a speck of green lobster liver on your cheek halfway through dinner. Its fine if you tear apart the baguette with your hands. Its fine if your dessert doesnt light on fire as youd planned. Its even fine if you want to sing along withperhaps even attempt the secret handshake tothe entire soundtrack of The Parent Trap. And its fine if all you want to do afterward is hop into your pajamas, completely stuffed, and fall asleep watching Midnight in Paris. So there you have it: The best Valentines Day Ive ever had. I dont want to preach, because I know that it can be a difficult day for anyone, regardless of their relationship status, but I do think its truelove in any form is worth celebrating. Illustration by Kah Yangni