Report on Self Management Skill

Name: Layon Ivan Patrick Lobo Registration No. 6078

Program: MBA (Evening)

Course Instructor: Mr. Moin ul Atiq

Dated: April 6, 2008 (Sunday

(http://science.uniserve.edu.au/projects/skills/jantrial/personal.htm)

Table of Contents

DEFINITION OF SELF MANAGEMENT BEHAVIOR CHARACTER PERSONALITY POSITIVE THINKING SELF-ESTEEM THE POWER OF AFFIRMATIONS

DEFINITION OF SELF MANAGEMENT Self Management often means different things to different people and sometimes different things at different times even to the same people. (Patrick McGowan, Ph.D., University of Victoria Centre on Aging)

It is said that to date there is no gold standard, universally accepted definition of self management. Rather, several terms are used, sometimes interchangeably, depending on the context and focus of the discussion. These include: self management preparation/training; empowerment; and self care. Some have defined self management as a treatment intended to bring about specific outcomes: a treatment that combines biological, psychological and social intervention techniques, with a goal of maximal functioning of regulatory process (Nalagawa-Kogan, Garber, Jarret, Egan, and Hendershot, 1988) According to Maggieson (1999) It was said that Self Management is a process by which individuals take control of their own learning and development by engaging in an on going process of reflection and action. Redman(2004) defines self management preparation as referring to the training that people with chronic health conditions need to be able to deal with taking medicine and maintaining therapeutic regimes, maintaining everyday life such as employment and family and dealing with the future, including changing life plans and the frustration, anger and depression. (p.4) Lorig (1993) defined self-management as Learning and practicing skills necessary to carry on an active and emotionally satisfying life in the face of a chronic condition. Loig further emphasized that self-management is not an alternative to medical care. Rather, selfmanagement is aimed at helping the participants become active, not adversarial, partner with health care providers. On its face, self-management looks like a "win-win" answer to the scarcity of good managers and the predominance of low-involvement entry-level jobs. But are sufficient numbers of entrylevel employees ready for self-management? And is management ready? (Heskett, James, September 1, 2006) James Heskett is a Baker Foundation Professor at Harvard Business School. Self-Management is being able to manage your own emotions and be resilient in a rang of complex and demanding situations. Self-management is underpinned by a high level of Selfawareness; knowing your own trigger points in certain situations helps a leader to manage their reactions appropriately. Self-management is critical for any interaction with people, especially at times of conflict or disagreement, pressure and other frustrations. It has particularly strong links with all qualities found in Delivering the service, which requires leaders to be tenacious and focused on the achievement of both short-term and long-term goals, irrespective of the obstacles or resistance that stand in the way. (http://www.executive.modern.nhs.uk/framework/personalqualities/selfmanagement.aspx) Self-Management is the ability to manage your personal reactions to responsibilities and challenges in work and life. This involves managing your time and adapting to changing situations. It requires you to reflect on your experiences and their effect on your physical and mental state. Self-Management requires the Background Skills of Reflection, Self Awareness, Planning and Monitoring, Time Management, Flexibility and Self-Appraisal. (http://science.uniserve.edu.au/projects/skills/jantrial/personal.htm) 12 Self Management Checklist 1. Specify a clear-cut goal you want to accomplish.

2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8.

Specify when youll do it. Record your hit rate. Make a public commitment. Add an explicit penalty for failure, if you need to. Think small. Specify the amount of product youre going to produce. Get a timer that beeps every five minutes and chart whether youre on task, if you find yourself drifting off too much. 9. Arrange for regular contact with your monitor, daily or weekly as needed. 10. Arrange for your friend to monitor your graphing as well as your goal attainment. 11. Get rid of distractions. 12. Recycle. (http://www.lifehack.org/articles/lifehack/12-self-management-checklist.html) The actual process of management starts from thoughts and ends in actions, which improve our output effectively, and efficiently to help us progress in our lives. It is in the way we behave with our thoughts in our mind and then the same thoughts are turned into actions, which we try to accomplish according to the perceptions we have about the thoughts. Self-management skills tell an employer whether or not your personality fits the personality of the company, the bosses, and the co-workers. Over 50 percent of the people who are not successful on the job have trouble with their co-workers and bosses, so its important for you to show employers how you fit into their operations. Many employers would rather hire an inexperienced worker with good self-management skills than an experienced worker who might cause problems. (http://www.wisconsinjobcenter.org/publications/8960/8960.htm) The ABC approach to self-management Affect, Behavior, and Cognition Increase Your Motivation Save Time and End Procrastination Improve Your Grades Strengthen Your Relationships Communicate More Effectively Raise Your Self-confidence Increase Positive Feelings, Behaviors, and Thoughts (http://parthill.com/ by Edward J. O'Keefe, Ph.D. & Donna S. Berger, M.A.)

A Principled Approach Paradigms and Principles: Covey lays the basic foundation for the creation of the habits. Private Victory: The first three habits are intended to teach a person how to move out of a state of dependence and beyond a state of independence. Covey refers to his ideal state as interdependence, which begins with the creation and manifestation of a highly developed sense of personal values and goals. Public Victory: Habits four through six complete the steps that lead to interdependence by showing how to align one's needs and desires with those of other people and create effective relationships. Renewal: In the final section, Covey directs the reader to begin a process of selfimprovement.

The Seven Habits 1. Be Proactive. 2. Begin with the End In Mind. 3. Put First Things First. 4. Think Win/Win 5. Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood. 6. Synergize 7. Sharpen the (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Seven_Habits_of_Highly_Effective_People S.R.)) BEHAVIOR, CHARACTER AND PERSONALITY

saw (Covey,

Behavior, character and personality are distinct levels in the evolution of the human being. When people display nice behavior, we say they are presentable. At the next level, when they have character, they can accomplish something. At a further level, being endowed with personality, they can create something original. Let us first examine behavior. Behavior is superficial and comes through training. It is a channel through which a man expresses himself. The energies for behavior come from the vital emotions, whereas the energies for character come from the mind. The vital energies are shortlived responses to a situation. The ordinary man who is popular with everyone behaves well, has polite manners and does not criticize anyone. He is very presentable in society. But if this is where his growth has stopped, he cannot accomplish anything in the ordinary sense of the word. He cannot found an institution or make a mark in his profession. One dare not sign over a power of attorney to him or entrust him with any valuables for safe-keeping while one travels. In a question of something involving a material commitment, he will not be reliable. Behavior can be good and presentable, but beyond that behavior does not go. A mere behavior, a mere education, a mere age or experience will not accomplish something on its own. The vital impulses are short-lived. They know what they see. They can be trained and this training is used in situations where there is no stress on the person. The habits which are formed in the vital become its behavior. All habits that are received in the vital and organized at that level are only at the level of behavior, because the vital has no direction. It cannot remember how it behaved three days ago. If it needs to be polite in good company, it can be so, but the behavior is short-lived. If someone behaves like a friend today, he may be an enemy tomorrow. When a person has developed character, he can accomplish something by himself. Character is organized in the mind. It has a memory and never forgets. When the essence of the vital experience which is behavior is received in the mind and organized well so that the mind accepts that as its central direction, then it becomes character. A man with character fits into that level of society to which his character has risen. If he has a noble character or a weighty character, he may be a philanthropist or a CEO. If he has a character but his nature is small, he can organize and raise a family successfully. A person with character can establish his own business, raise a family, and accomplish a substantial work in the society. These are all things that many people have done. There are already a thousand

businesses; one more will be established. A person with character can accomplish and do what has already been done before. When the mind comes into play, it generally acts on an opinion or bases itself on an idea. It tries to understand and begins to think and organize itself. The vital does not think, it responds to the situation, but the mind listens to an idea. On the basis of this idea, the mind organizes its values. The mind gives its sanction to certain behaviors which it has accepted as right. This behavior then becomes a pattern. The essence of that pattern is based on respectability, on social values. The mental understanding is based on the idea that what is valuable must be respected. Once the mind accepts this, every behavior will be directed by that characteristic. If a mother teachers her child to be polite to his grandfather, the child does not know it should also be polite to his uncle. If the childs mind, which is capable of understanding, receives the essence of this pattern of politeness towards elder relatives, the pattern becomes continuous and his mind accepts it as a general direction. Children should be polite to their elderly relatives. This one idea becomes a guide for all of his behavior, which becomes character. That is called self-direction. In other words, the behavior of the child, the emotional impulses, are guided by the mental understanding which has accepted the value of polite behaviour towards elder relatives. A person with a mere behavior can follow instructions, but he cannot think on his own, whereas character comes from the mind and enables the person to carry out a task with self-direction. Without mind coming into the picture, character cannot be formed. The center of character is mind, while the center of behavior is the transient vital emotions. Character has greater energy than behavior because it is backed by thought and issues from a more central part of the being. Behavior shows itself in a short-lived individual situation, whereas character shows itself in all situations which the society has accepted and evolved. Character guides every behavior. If a man with character is ambitious, his ambition will be shown in everything he does. What is personality? Character is necessary to achieve something in society, but when something has to be created anew, personality is needed. Where character may hesitate to attempt something completely new, personality will not. Personality can accomplish something original, whatever the field is. Personality is deeper than character. It does not confine itself to an organized expression as character does. Character needs the support of the social and psychological milieu. Because mind is a narrow organism which functions on thought, it draws its values from the general level of thought in the society. Something in the person feels safe in that climate and then the mind understands, the heart is able to be enthused about that understanding and the body is able to work. Usually when mind has to think of something original, it begins to shake. Personality cannot be centered in the mind. It does not care whether anyone else has attempted a certain work before. It has the initiative to start a fresh work in a new field. Personality does not require the extraneous support of the social sanction. After it has understood and the mind has consented, it has the imagination to give a mental emotion to that consent. Once the mind is able to visualize something in its own imagination, the heart does not hesitate to release its enthusiasm for the accomplishment of the work. The support for the work comes from the Being which is above the mind. If the mind is clear and the Being supports, it doesnt need the support of the society. That is the difference between character and personality. Character is an efficient mental organism functioning within the social fabric of accomplished levels. Personality is an energy which comes from the Being, able to understand

on its own, be enthusiastic on its own and be a trail blazer for the society. Whether the field is in literature, or scientific discovery or in industry or in founding a college, this is the basic difference between character and personality. What are the requirements of character and personality? Character cannot include personality, but personality must include the capacities of character and not be limited by them. Character requires understanding, strength of will, perseverance, and energy. Ideas are potential, powerful and supported by the society. The capacity for the mind to act on an idea gives you character. All men of high character will have strong, good opinions. But the understanding of character is limited because it understands only what everyone else has understood. Mind acts according to fixed habits and preferences. There are great men of very high character. Their preference is always for refined living and their habits are good habits. Their mental constructions are of a high level of accomplishment. But they are bound by their opinions. What personality requires is pure understanding, independent of a second person. The general endowments of personality are: pure intelligence in the mind, warmth and expansiveness in the heart, dynamism in the vital, endurance and perseverance in the physical. If these things are there on their own, they will include all the capacities of character. For personality, the capacity of the mind to take an idea to an idealistic level, for the achievement of the ideal is where it differs from character. A man with personality will be open-minded. He wont be bound by his opinions or have rigid preferences. He will prefer what is best at that moment and be willing to change his habits if necessary. To sum up, the pure components of personality are: 1. In the mind -- presence of mind, clarity, understanding; 2. In the will -- steadiness and equality; 3. In the heart -- conservation, warmth, expansiveness and magnetism; 4. In the vital -- energy; 5. In the physical -- perseverance and endurance for work. Sometimes personality degenerates into character, or character matures into personality in the same person. A person may have personality in administration, but not in politics. People who have founded banks, or colleges, or small institutions, or people who have decided to move away from their country to another country are people who have personality at that level. All people who are responsible to their families, to their children, to their parents, who live up to certain levels of accomplishment materially, who are just, fair, and ethical, have ethical characters, social characters, physical characters. Generally character is understood to be something good. But it can be negative also. A smuggler has a character as well as a member of the Mafia. But his character does not express itself in a positive way. He knows how to organize people and how to be loyal to his group. He definitely has character. A person who has character will have people around him. A person of mere behavior will not attract followers.

People who say, "Tell me what I should do and I will do it" are at the level of behavior. They can run errands, they can obey people, they can eat what is served, but they cannot take care of others. People who say, "Give me this work and I will accomplish it and report back to you," have character at that level. Other people who say, "Let me examine this proposal and if my mind understands and approves, my emotions will be enthused and I can act on my own," have personality. Behavior is the external appearance without being confirmed or supported by the mind and feelings. Character is what is supported by the mind and feelings. It is a behavior which is endorsed and directed by the mind. Personality is on its own. It is self-directed. POSITIVE THINKING In order to understand how positive thinking works, and how to use it efficiently, it is important to understand the power and dynamics of negative thinking. Ask Yourself These Questions: Do you often think about difficulties, failure and disasters? Do you keep thinking about the negative news you have seen on the TV or read in the newspapers? Do you see yourself stuck and unable to improve your life or your health? Do you frequently think that you do not deserve happiness or money, or that it is too difficult to get them? If you do, Then you will close your mind, see no opportunities, and behave and react in such ways, as to repel people and opportunities. Faulty Thinking Processes Maladaptive Assumptions and negative thoughts, some people hold basic irrational assumptions and negative thoughts that color their interpretations of events, and lead to inappropriate emotional reactions. Other people seem so much more confident (or successful, popular, etc.) than me. I have no discipline, no will power. I'm worthless, no good. I have no patience whatsoever. I'll never be able to... Life is futile and meaningless. Life is just one problem after another. It never ends. Life is misery and then you die. Life is unfair People will never change their opinion of me. I've been this way for so long. It's too late to change now. I'll never change. I might as well not even try. Most common irrational assumptions It is a dire need for an adult human being to be loved or approved by virtually every significant other person in his community. It is awful and catastrophic when things are not the way one would very much like them to be. One should be thoroughly competent, adequate, and achieving in all possible respects if one is to consider oneself worthwhile. Human unhappiness is externally caused and people have little or no ability to control their sorrows and disturbances. It is easier to avoid than to face certain life difficulties and self responsibilities. One should be dependent on others and need someone stronger than oneself on whom to rely. Ones past history is an all important determiner of ones present behavior and because something once strongly affected ones life, it should indefinitely have a similar effect. One should become quite upset over other peoples problems and disturbances. The idea that

certain people are bad wicked, or villainous and that they should be severely blamed and punished for their villainy. The idea that there is invariably a right, precise, and perfect solution to human problems and that it is catastrophic if this perfect solution is not found. Any strange situation should be regarded as dangerous. Positive Thinking Our present attitudes and assumptions are habits, built from the feedback of parents, friends, society and self, that forms our self-image and our world-image. All of our feelings, beliefs and knowledge are based and maintained on our internal thoughts, both conscious and subconscious. Thoughts are very powerful, They affect our whole attitude, and, The attitude we carry reflects in our appearance ,in our personality.. And it doesn't end there. It also affects heavily people around you. How Do You Become a Positive Thinker? If you currently have habitual negative thought patterns ,you can learn to eliminate them and replace them with positive thought habits. But it wont happen on its own. You have to make a conscious decision to make a change. Research shows that, "... people who begin consciously to modify their inner conversations and assumptions report an almost immediate improvement in their performance. Their energy increases and things seem to go better ..." What is Positive Thinking? Positive thinking is a mental attitude that sees the bright side of life. Positive thinking is a mental attitude and state of mind, which focuses on the full half of the glass and not on the empty half. It is a mental attitude that expects positive results. A positive thinker does not refuse to recognize the negative , He refuses to dwell on it. Positive thinking is a form of thought which habitually looks for the best results from the worst conditions. Positive thinking is a deliberate process and, A matter of choice. Positive thinking will work if you are willing to work at it. People with a positive frame of mind think about possibilities, growth, expansion and success. They expect happiness, health, love and good relationships. They think in terms of 'I can', 'I am able' and 'I will succeed'. People with a positive frame of mind think about possibilities, growth, expansion and success. They expect happiness, health, love and good relationships. They think in terms of 'I can', 'I am able' and 'I will succeed'. Positive thinking manifests in the following ways: Optimism. Constructive thinking. Creative thinking. Expecting success. Looking at failure and problems as blessings in disguise. Motivation to accomplish your goals. Choosing happiness. Not giving up. Believing in yourself and in your abilities. Displaying self-esteem and confidence. Looking for solutions. Seeing opportunities.

Few actions and tips to help you develop the power of positive thinking. Choose Your Words Carefully. What you say and the words you choose are very important to maintaining a positive perspective and eliciting positive outcomes. Always use only positive words in your inner dialogues. Use words such as, I can, I am able, it is possible, it can be done, etc. Eject Negative Self-Talk Do not heed negative thoughts. Calmly refuse to think these thoughts, and substitute them with constructive happy thoughts. Train Your Brain through Meditation, Wash Away Negativity with a Powerful Visualization. Before starting with any plan or action, visualize clearly in your mind its successful outcome. Read at least one page of inspiring literature every day. Watch movies that make you happy. Listen to the news and read the papers, but do that sparingly and with detachment. BODY LANGUAGE always sit and walk with your back straight. This will strengthen your confidence and inner strength. Walk, swim or engage in some other physical activity. This helps to develop a more positive attitude. Think positive and expect only favorable results and situations, even if currently your life is not as you wish it to be, and in time your mental attitude and your life circumstances will change accordingly. The Benefits of a Positive THINKING: It promotes better health. Helps achieving goals and attaining success. Success achieved faster and more easily. More happiness. More energy. Greater inner power and strength. The ability to inspire and motivate yourself and others. Fewer difficulties encountered along the way. The ability to surmount any difficulty. People respect you. Negative attitude says: you cannot achieve success. Positive attitude says: You can achieve success. SELF-ESTEEM Self-esteem is a way of being, thinking, feeling and acting that implies that you accept, trust and believe in yourself. When you accept yourself, you can live comfortably with both your personal strengths and weaknesses, without undue self-criticism. When you respect yourself, you acknowledge your own dignity and value as a unique human being. You treat yourself well, in much the same way that you would treat someone else who you respect. Self-trust means that your desires, beliefs, behaviors and feelings are consistent enough to give you an inner sense of continuity and coherence, despite changes and challenges in your circumstances. To believe in yourself means that you feel you deserve to succeed and - on the basis of past demonstrated competence and current resources - you have confidence that you can fulfill your deepest personal needs, aspirations and goals. A fundamental truth about self-esteem is that it needs to come from within. When self-esteem is low, the deficiency creates a feeling of emptiness which you may try to fill by latching on - often compulsively - to something or someone that provides a temporary sense of satisfaction and fulfillment. When this becomes desperate, repetitive or automatic, you have an addiction. Frequently this attachment substitutes for healthy human relationships. It may also substitute a feeling of control or power for a more lasting sense of inner confidence and strength. What difference does self-esteem make? When we are high in self-esteem we feel good about ourselves. We feel in control of our life and are flexible and resourceful. We are able to make choices about how we run our life. We enjoy the challenges that life makes and are ready to take life head on. We feel powerful, creative and confident that we can 'make things happen' in our life.

We can realize our own potential by integrating all our abilities in a balanced and harmonious way. To each experience we bring our whole self and we integrate all our faculties. This 'holistic' approach describes us as existing simultaneously at the spiritual, mental, emotional and physical levels, and we bring all of these aspects to each of our experiences. For example, in meeting a new person, you bring the spiritual experience of your inner awareness, your connection with the life force that is you and your creative resources. Your mental energy brings understanding, empathy, perception and communication. Your emotional energy is expressed as feelings about what is going on and your physical energy enables you to actively participate. As we all know, experiences can be subjectively good or bad. A good experience occurs when one has been creative - spiritual, mental, emotional and physical energies have been expressed in a balanced way - and this enhances self-esteem. You feel at ease and are able to 'make things happen'. You express choice and create the experience and so feel in control of your destiny. You feel good! A bad experience, in which one has suffered in some way, tends to reduce self-esteem. If you feel you have no choice, if you feel 'trampled on' or a victim, you feel uncomfortable and out of control in your life. Things 'just happen' to you (or don't). So you feel bad. When we respond to particular circumstances we can do so from a state of creative consciousness or from a state of victim consciousness. If you operate from a state of creative consciousness you are valuing yourself for what you are, right now, and not just for what you do or have done. Your sense of worth does not depend on having a high-profile job or having expensive possessions or being clever. Self worth has nothing to do with job status or IQ or never getting things wrong. In other words you are not worth less if you can't do something or things go badly wrong. This idea of intrinsic self worth is the strength on which true self-esteem is based. Demonstrated competence and praise enhances self-esteem but this needs to be based on an underlying foundation, where incompetence and criticism does not detract from intrinsic self worth. This view of the world is one which allows for the creative experience of choice. We are free to initiate change and so can enjoy an action-based lifestyle in which we are able to communicate our needs clearly. Such behavior then reinforces our self-esteem. Without a sense of intrinsic self worth you have a limited world view which provides you with little or no choice. This creates a reactive lifestyle in which you are always looking for the approval of others before you can act. Such a fear-based lifestyle results in unclear communication and consequent feelings of resentment, anger and blame. Hence the victim's lack of self-esteem is reinforced. Improving Your Self-Esteem Maybe you know how to 'look inside', feel relaxed and resourceful, but don't know how to bring this experience into material reality. In other words you can connect with your inner self but can't so easily act upon this connection - you can imagine and be inspired but can't put this into effect. Perhaps you can act in a fairly spontaneous way but do not feel there is any more to your life than that which appears before your eyes. In this case you are finding it difficult to connect to your real goals and aspirations.

You may be very emotionally aware and sensitive to other people's feelings. If so, you are in touch with your feelings but does this gift work for you? Can you put your emotions into perspective so that you are able to think clearly and act appropriately? Perhaps you are very good at understanding ideas and thinking rationally but your thoughts stay in your head and you aren't able to act upon on them. Or perhaps you find it difficult to express your feelings clearly about those issues. Proper balance of self-connection, thought, feeling and action is the key to living creatively and with full consciousness.

REACTIVE OR RESPONSE-ABLE
The opposite of being reactive is being response-able, i.e. responsible. When you are being responsible, you're thinking as well as feeling: you're experiencing your feelings but also conscious of what is rational and therefore not driven by emotion to act impulsively. This is an integration of left and right brain functions. As you become free from reactive (stimulusresponse) behavior then to that degree you know that you are also free to be spontaneous, because you know that will incorporate responsibility. Responsibility also allows you to maintain your self-worth, despite anything another person might say about you. The thoughts and feelings of others no longer drag you into a pit of selfdoubt. You will see all sorts of new options and choices in your dealings with other people because your perspective and your sense of reason are not being buried by emotions. Taking responsibility for your mind, puts back into your hands a good deal of control over your life. When another or others continue to attempt to manipulate and dominate, you can then stay calm and refuse to be stampeded: then you retain the power. For example by responding nondefensively, this breaks the cycle of attack-retreat-defense-escalation. The moment you argue, apologize, explain, or try to get them to change their minds, you give them the power to withhold the understanding that you are asking them for. One can instead say, "That's an interesting point of view," or "I shall consider that as one option." It is also necessary to assert one's position in a matter-of-fact manner, without worrying about upsetting them, but without any hostility or embarrassment: "I'm happy to let you stay for a specified, limited time." One's response to this approach may be to say, "I just don't think I can stand up to (him or her)." But instead of saying "I can't," reframe your statement in the form: "I haven't yet stood up to my parents." "Haven't yet" implies choice, whereas "don't" and "can't" imply the opposite: finality. Similarly, "I mustn't" or "I shouldn't" can be reframed as: "I could choose not to." "I should" or "I must" can be reframed: "I could choose to." There is a big difference between choosing to capitulate to another because you've considered the alternatives and decided that you're not prepared to make a change at this moment, and automatically capitulating because you feel helpless. Making a choice means taking a step toward control; knee-jerk reacting means backsliding into being controlled. We cannot accept responsibility for everything that occurs and sometimes our choices have no bearing on a particular outcome. There is always an interaction between what some may call their fate (or their genes, environment, etc.) and their decisions. Many people are affected by the behavior of others; complete self-control is a rarity. Certainly, events sometimes overwhelm us. If my girlfriend has an affair with another man, and I feel quite miserable at this loss, it would

be difficult, at least initially, to me to choose to feel differently. It does me little good to tell myself that I have made a choice to be miserable and could just as easily be happy. To be upset is a normal and rational reaction to my girlfriend's behavior. What I am responsible for, however, is if I choose to dwell on her behavior, to berate myself, maybe condemn her for her choice of partner, or to plague myself with thoughts of her actions for months to come - then I will have chosen to continue in a destructive pattern of behavior, to adopt the stance of victim, which will result in my continuing misery. On the other hand, I may choose to see things differently, to apply a different meaning to what has happened, to value the experience for the positive lessons it brings me. I may not be able to change the past but I can certainly alter what it means to me. My interpretation of events is my choice and responsibility. By understanding how easily reactive responses can take over one's behavior you will find yourself not taking personal offense when others behave in their own way; you can see that they are just dramatizing the problems and conflicts in their own heads. Enlightenment always leads to understanding, empathy and improved communication, in short, love.

THE POWER OF AFFIRMATIONS We frequently resolve to change our behavior for the better, to make a new start. We make affirmations: causative intentions. Here are some pointers about the limitations and potential power of affirmations... Affirmations always work. Yes, whatever you positively think or visualize, you will focus on and therefore it will manifest. For example: "I don't want to be poor." Assumption: "I am poor." Focus: "Poverty." Result: Thinking about poverty, and being in the identity of a poor person. So the affirmation worked, but not in the way you intended. Maybe this should be re-phrased in the positive? For example: "I want to be rich." Assumption: "I am not rich." Who wants what they already have? Want implies not having. Focus: Poverty. Result: Not being rich. So we have learned it is better to phrase in the present, not future. Don't use "want" and similar words. Perhaps this makes a better affirmation: "I am rich"? But if you are rich, then this does not work because if you are rich then of course you've already attained being rich. If you aren't rich, it is a lie. Therefore, it doesn't work. There's got to be a better way... How about: "Suppose I am rich"? Suppose you have everything that being rich means to you. Imagine that this is happening. See yourself in that situation. Then slip into that image of yourself and see and hear and feel what it is to experience being rich.

It works now, doesn't it? It is true, it does not imply or state an undesirable state and it is in the present. At least in your imagination you are rich - you have felt what it is like to be in that wealthy identity and that is a resource you can apply. You've changed your frame of mind and your view of the world has altered for the better. When you have a positive vision that is real to you and genuinely something that you want and identify with, then creative energies naturally flow toward that vision. This is powerful stuff! Everything in our lives is created newly every time we experience it. Even if it is something we barely notice. Yet we are not aware of making these creative affirmations. There are so many of them that we would be overwhelmed if we had to think of them all. If we wish to break down a wall with a sledge hammer, then we need to create the wall as well as the force to knock it down. We are creating a resistant wall and at the same time creating an opposing force. This may not be the wisest way to do things! Using this as an analogy, when we are affirming something, even when we do so focusing on ability and being honest, we are making many other affirmations at the same time without being aware of them. We create a problem and try to create a strong enough force to overcome that problem - we can't effectively use force to discover truth but we often try! We make an affirmation but subconsciously we are also creating hidden barriers or "counter-intentions" to that affirmation. This counter-intention is probably something which we thought in the past was a means to keep us safe, or otherwise make our lives better. It might even be a simple negative thought which we decided at a time of stress and keep thinking unconsciously. Such counter-intentions could be ideas that our parents or our culture bombarded us with as a child and then these became habitual and out of our awareness. When you are affirming a positive intention it is therefore very helpful to recognize the counterintentions or hidden barriers that you are creating at the same time. What is connected with your affirmation that you are opposing, or disagreeing with, suppressing or trying to forget? It is important that you perceive the positive intention (affirmation) as an outflowing creation that meets barriers (hidden counter-intentions), rather than perceiving your affirmation to be resisting or fighting an incoming opposing force. When these barriers are seen in a clear light, you can then just let them go, or if necessary adjust your affirmation so there is no longer this inner conflict. It is said that when affirming you should only use positive language and not (for example) "I will not overeat" because the mind will interpret that "positively" and you get the result "I will overeat"; so, why isn't negative self-talk like "I will never succeed" interpreted by the mind as "I will succeed" - why this "double standard"? The answer is a bit complicated but worth understanding. The right brain, which determines our feelings and hence motivation/action (that the Universe then mirrors through the power of Spirit), interprets our thoughts in terms of the underlying (subconscious) true feelings and therefore doesn't discriminate between conscious acceptance or resistance. It doesn't listen to a "not" or "never", that's a true observation, but more significantly it interprets based on actual beliefs (at the level of feelings) that are stimulated by the concept of what is

being consciously thought - it picks up on what most closely corresponds to the subconscious belief/feeling. "I will not overeat" is an affirmation based on the feeling that you really do want to eat a lot, so that's how it's interpreted - you really have acceptance of eating even though your conscious mind (left brain) is resisting that. The feeling of wanting to eat is stimulated by the affirmation, so you're more likely to eat more. "I will eat what I want" would be more empowering, as it doesn't conflict with the inner belief and gives you the power of choice. Whereas, "I will never succeed" may be a deeply held belief, in which case it's accepted subconsciously even though consciously you are resisting that. If you use that as an affirmation it will directly stimulate that inner feeling and as a result you will be less likely to succeed though if your inner feeling is in fact that "I will succeed", then both "I will succeed" and "I will never succeed" will stimulate that inner feeling of confidence. Say the negative one too much, though, and your inner belief/feeling of confidence of success may start to wane, so of course, it's good advice to stay clear of negative affirmations! But using the affirmation "I will succeed" without first bringing to consciousness and re-evaluating an inner feeling that conflicts with it, will probably not be helpful because it is not really believed. So the key issue is whether your affirmation is in alignment or conflicting with your deeply-held belief. That's the real reason why affirmations don't necessarily help but may indeed increase inner conflict and serve to suppress the inner belief rather than resolving it. When you have uncovered the inner belief and genuinely discovered it is false - not rational/helpful/true/your own - then using an affirmation can help to keep in the place the revised belief, and that's where affirmations are indeed very helpful.