Miss Wests Requisitions

Ever Dundas

~Dedicated to Jeffrey Combs who plays Herbert West in Re-animator

Everyday was exactly the same until the printer spewed out blood and spattered the office with Claires DNA. Until then, it was day in, day out, hunkered down, folded in. Atrophied, my skin was turning grey. My fingers hit the keyboard in arrhythmic boredom. Finance office, Miss West speakingFinance office, how can I help you? I would retreat to the toilets and stare at my reflection, taking in the pinched lips, the dead eyes. Moneygeddon, and here I was, forced out of university, thankful for any job I could get. I would crawl back to my desk and slam the stapler closed on my finger just to make sure I was still alive. Picking out the staples wedged in my skin, Id leave trails of blood on the requisitions. West! What are these stains? Youre not allowed to eat at your desk. Its not food, James. What is it, then? Blood. You cant bleed at your desk, West. Get these re-printed, and keep your body fluids under control. James sat on the end of Claires desk and re-told the story about the time he had been on The Apprentice. I felt a nostalgia sweep over me as I watched his chin wobble. He looked just like my first love, the cadaver I had cut up in a demo for the first years. I watched him, drifting into the memory, the scalpel entering just below his left eye. I lifted the eye out, holding it up to the other students. True love is the feel of an eyeball between your fingers. West? West! Were you listening?

James was peering down at me with his one eye, a bloody hole where the other had been. I was telling Claire about how Sugar would have hired me if that bitch hadnt stabbed me in the back. Take note, West - teamwork is important. Youre not gonna make it in the real world if all you do is daydream. The real world swallows dreamers and spits them out. You have interesting eyes, James. James looked at me blankly, then rolled his interesting eye at Claire. See, Claire, West is a dreamer. And dreamers are losers. Claire stared up at him as if he was god, and I squeezed his eye in my hand. * That night I went home, got drunk, and sat in front of the TV. I flicked to a programme about cyborgs. A rat had been fused with a computer, and I fell asleep thinking that the ethics of animal experiments was a misnomer when people like James existed. The next morning I went to work as usual, but I had made a decision that changed everything, so I was in a particularly perky mood. Grabbing papers off my desk, I disappeared to the photocopier room in the basement. Surfacing later that morning with toner in my hair, I sauntered up to James. For gods sake, West. You look a mess. I need your help, James. The photocopier is giving me trouble. Alright, West, but it better be quick. Several hours later I emerged bloodstained and whistling. Claire looked at me with disgust. What happened to you? Photocopier trouble. So did you fix it? I need these papers by four. I think youll find its much more efficient. I opened up the printer, pulling it apart as I listened to Claires high heels clickclacking on the stairs down to the basement. I heard the creak of the copier lid as she lifted it. Then there was silence. I stopped and listened. When her scream came, it was a satisfying wail.

I had fitted James eyes beneath the pane of glass, my new and efficient scanner wired in via the optic nerves and blood vessels. The eyeball muscles were hooked up to control movement during document scans. The optic nerves and blood vessels travelled beneath the scanning compartment to James brain, his heart, and a complex system of veins and arteries through which blood flowed for printing. The blood vessels branched off into the side compartment, connecting to a snaking digestive tract that led to the anal sphincter and a specially constructed container, allowing for easy removal and recycling. I heard the clattering of bones as Claire staggered and tripped over James skeleton. She sobbed and scrambled for the stairs. I walked to the office entrance and flipped the sign to closed for training. Returning to the printer, I removed the toner, and waited for Claire to return so that office training could commence.

About the Author Ever Dundas specialises in the weird and macabre, and her blog can be found here: http://bloodonforgottenwalls.wordpress.com

2012 Ever Dundas