A dysfunctional family is a family in which conflict, misbehavior, and often abuse on the part of individual members occur continually

and regularly, leading other members to accommodate such actions. Children sometimes grow up in such families with the understanding that such an arrangement is normal. Dysfunctional families are primarily a result of co-dependent adults, and may also be affected by addictions, such as substance abuse (alcohol, drugs, etc.). Other origins include untreated mental illness, and parents emulating or over-correcting from their own dysfunctional parents. In some cases, a "child-like" parent will allow the [1] dominant parent to abuse their children. Perceptions A common misperception of dysfunctional families is the mistaken belief that the parents are on the verge of separation and divorce. While this is true in a few cases, often the marriage bond is very strong as the parents' faults actually complement each other. In short, they have nowhere else to go. However, this does not necessarily mean the family's situation is stable. Any major stressor, such as relocation, unemployment/underemployment, illness, natural disaster, etc. can cause existing conflicts affecting [2] the children to become much worse. Dysfunctional families have no social, financial or intellectual bounds. Nevertheless, until recent decades the concept of a dysfunctional family was not taken seriously by professionals (therapists, social workers, teachers, counselors, clergy, etc.), especially among the middle and upper classes. Any intervention would have been seen as violating the sanctity of marriage and increasing the probability of divorce, which was socially unacceptable at the time. Children were expected to obey their parents [3] (ultimately the father), and cope with the situation alone. Examples Dysfunctional family members have common features and behavior patterns as a result of their experiences within the family structure. This tends to reinforce the dysfunctional behavior, either through enabling or perpetuation. The family unit can be [4] affected by a variety of factors. Common features Near universal These features occur in most dysfunctional families: Lack of empathy, understanding, and sensitivity towards certain family members, while expressing extreme empathy towards one or more members (or even pets) who have real or perceived "special needs". In other words, one family member continuously receives far more than he or she deserves, while another is marginalized. Denial (a refusal to acknowledge abusive behavior; also known as the "elephant in the room") Inadequate or missing boundaries for self (e.g., tolerating inappropriate treatment from others, failing to express what is acceptable and unacceptable treatment, tolerance of physical, emotional or sexual abuse.) Disrespect of others' boundaries (e.g. physical contact that other person dislikes; breaking important promises without just cause; purposefully violating a boundary another person has expressed) Extremes in conflict (either too much fighting or insufficient arguing between family members) Unequal or unfair treatment of one or more family members due to their gender, age, birth order, family role (mother, etc.), abilities, race,caste, etc. (may include frequent appeasement of one member at the expense of others, or an uneven enforcement of rules). [edit]Non universal Though not universal among dysfunctional families, and by no means exclusive to them, the following features are typical of dysfunctional families: Abnormally high levels of jealousy or other controlling behaviors Conflict influenced by marital status: between divorced or separated parents, usually related to, or arising from their breakup conflict between parents who remain married, often for the "perceived" sake of the children, but whose separation or divorce would in fact remove a detrimental influence on those children (must be evaluated on a case-by-case basis, as breakup may harm children) parents who wish to divorce, but cannot due to financial, societal (including religious), or legal reasons

Children afraid to talk (within or outside the family) about what is happening at home, or are otherwise fearful of their parents Abnormal sexual behavior such as adultery, promiscuity, or incest Lack of time spent together, especially in recreational activities and social events ("We never do anything as a family") Family members (including children) who disown each other, and/or refuse to be seen together in public (either unilaterally or bilaterally) Specific examples In many cases, the following would cause a family to be dysfunctional: Families with older parents or immigrant parents who cannot cope with changing times or a different culture A parent of the same sex never intercedes in fatherdaughter/motherson relations on behalf of the child Children who have no contact with the extended family of their mother or father due to disharmony, disagreement, prejudice, feuding, etc. Going beyond mere disagreement, an intense schism between family members regarding religion and/or ideology (for example: parents support their country being at war, while children do not)

1. ^ Forgiving Our Parents, Forgiving Ourselves: Healing Adult Children of Dysfunctional Families by David Stoop and James Masteller c. 1997
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2. ^ Family Evaluation by Michael E. Kerr and Murray Bowen c. 1988

3. ^ Recreating Your Self: Help for Adult Children of Dysfunctional Families by Nancy J. Napier c. 1990

4. ^ Handbook of Relational Diagnosis and Dysfunctional Family Patterns Florence W. Kaslow c. 1996

Signs of a Dysfunctional Family Dysfunctional families lack many of the traits of healthy families. They are often closed when it comes to getting outside help and keep their problems to themselves. Firm limits between parent and child may not be present. Rules may be non-existent in a dysfunctional family or swing to the other extreme with rigid, inflexible rules and mandatory compliance. Dysfunctional families dont cope with stress in a healthy manner. Alcohol or drugs are often a coping mechanism for stress. A member of a dysfunctional family may become depressed or feel overwhelmed at the scope of a particular problem. Blame is plentiful in a dysfunctional family. Rather than dealing with the stress that is causing problems, dysfunctional families lash out at each other.

Some of the characteristics of dysfunctional family systems are as follows: Blaming; failure to take responsibility for personal actions and feelings; and invalidation of other family members' feelings. Boundaries between family members those are either too loose or too rigid. For example, the parent may depend excessively on the child for emotional support (loose boundaries) or prevent the child from developing autonomy by making all the decisions for the child (rigid boundaries). Boundaries between the family as a whole and the outside world may also be too loose or too rigid. A tendency for family members to enact set roles caregiver, hero, scapegoat, saint, bad girl or boy, little prince or princess that serve to restrict feelings, experience, and self-expression. A tendency to have an "identified patient" one family member who is recognized as mentally unhealthy, who may or may not be in treatment, but whose symptoms are a sign of the inner family conflict. Often the identified patient's problems function to disguise the larger family issues. For example, a child may be regarded as a bully and a troublemaker in school and labeled a

"problem child," when he may in fact be expressing conflicts and problems, such as abuse from home, by acting out and being "bad."

The Eight Most Common Characteristics of a Dysfunctional Family Far from the idyllic families that were portrayed on radio and television fifty years ago, families that are depicted in media nowadays are more realistic, in the sense that they often exhibit characteristics of dysfunction. While the term "dysfunctional family" is thrown around somewhat carelessly nowadays, there are certain hallmark characteristics of dysfunctional families that are common. Does a family that has one of these characteristics automatically qualify as "dysfunctional"? Of course, it depends on the severity of the problem and the way in which it cascades to cause other problems. Here is a list of some of the most common qualities of a dysfunctional family. Dysfunctional Family Characteristic #1 - Addiction One of the most prominent characteristics of a dysfunctional family is addiction on the part of one or more of its members. This addiction need not be to drugs or alcohol, but it typically manifests itself by making it difficult for family members to communicate, and may affect the family financially. Typically addiction is a problem suffered by the adults in the family, though adult children and teenagers may suffer from addictions in various forms. Dysfunctional Family Characteristic #2 - Control Another hallmark characteristic of dysfunctional families is control. Control means that one member of the family exerts his or her will on some or all of the other family members. This may manifest itself, for example, as a husband not permitting his wife to see male friends, or as a parent not allowing their child to go to reasonable school events, such as football games and dances. Control usually occurs from spouse to spouse or from parent to child in a dysfunctional family. This control usually results in emotional "stunting" and may make people feel as if they are not entitled to an opinion or to a life of their own. Control may be overt, or it may be in the form of causing people to feel guilty for wanting to "step outside the box." Dysfunctional Family Characteristic #3 - Unpredictability and Fear Unpredictability and fear are two common signs of a dysfunctional family. Typically, fear results from the unpredictability of a single or multiple members. This may be unpredictability with regard to financial matters, emotional state, or reactions to novel situations. This affects a family by making its members fearful of the actions of a single or multiple members. Typically an adult plays this role, and may be a spouse or parent. Dysfunctional Family Characteristic #4 - Conflict A more obvious indicator of a dysfunctional family is conflict. While a certain amount of conflict is expected in a normal family, constant, heated conflict is not. If a serious argument erupts over slight misunderstandings on a frequent and unyielding basis, there is a good chance that there is a certain level of disfunction within the family. Likewise, undertones of conflict and resentment can also be an indicator of a dysfunctional family. The conflict may also take place in passive-aggressive terms. Conflict may occur between any member of a family, and affects the family by increasing tension and resentment among its members.

Dysfunctional Family Characteristic #5 - Abuse Abuse, whether physical or emotional, is another characteristic of a dysfunctional family. The way in which abuse affects a family is obvious, as it punishes and diminishes a single or multiple family members. Abuse typically occurs from one spouse to the other, or from a parent to a child. Sometimes children also abuse each other, whether through physical or emotional means. Dysfunctional Family Characteristic #6 - Perfectionism Although it may not seem to be a characteristic of a dysfunctional family, perfectionism very much is one. Perfectionism can be a reflection of unrealistic expectations towards other family members, and may also be an indicator of the areas in which the perfectionist family member feels that he or she is inadequate. Perfectionism may result in low self-esteem in other family members, and may be self-perpetuating. Typically, perfectionism occurs in parents towards their offspring. Dysfunctional Family Characteristic #7 - Poor Communication Poor communication is another hallmark of a dysfunctional family. Communication may be strained, ineffective, or nonexistent. Family members may have difficulty communicating their wants and needs to other members, which can result in misunderstandings and little self-expression. Poor communication often occurs throughout the entire dysfunctional family. Dysfunctional Family Characteristic #8 - Lack of Diversity A lack of diversity in a family is a sign that a family may be dysfunctional. Diversity, in this instance, refers primarily to differences in interests and beliefs between family members. If all of the family members share the same interests and beliefs, there is a high probability that one member of the family is acting to control and manipulate the others. An example of this would be several children from a family that all have the same interests and aspirations as one of their parents. A lack of diversity usually occurs in families where there are children, though some people may be emotionally quashed in romantic relationships to the point where they adopt all of the interests of their partner. Do you feel that I have missed any common characteristics of a dysfunctional family? Do you have relevant personal experiences with respect to the structure and characteristics of a dysfunctional family? If so, leave your thoughts in the form of a comment. Thank you for reading!