It is often said that an education level will determine an individuals career in life.

Some people believe that the main focus of education should be preparing people for a better job opportunity. Others, however, deny this and think that education is certainly not only for the participation in the workforce; there are other vital factors too that play a role. Career preparation has been increasingly important for the young people. School education can help them in preparing a greater competitive advantage in their working career. When people are educated, they will gain the necessary qualifications, intellectual capabilities and technical expertise that is valuable in many areas of development. Indeed, education is crucial for a person who does not want a lifetime of unskilled work in a factory. There is also, however, a strong argument that education is not only to secure a job. School provides moral and social education that is particularly important in developing teenagers social responsibility. Teenagers will benefit from the organized framework that school
Comment [BW1]: What development do you have in minds? Career, personal you need to define it

Comment [BW2]: I think this is your counter argument ? Comment [BW3]: Teenagers (plural) or a teenagers (singular)

provides, and they will feel that they are a part of the society. Therefore, young people who receive education tend to be more responsible and help to build a stronger society. In addition, education also helps youngsters in developing new interests in various fields. The different subjects that are taught in school would will help the youths to find what they like most. For instance, some students may find their interest in outdoor activity such as football while the others prefer Science and Technology subjects. In conclusion, education should not only emphasis on preparing for career. There are other factors such as developing a social responsibility and new interests which are equally important. OK this is a good essay some good vocabulary and structure still a few problems with articles and singular plural and we need to sort out the timing so that you can check
Formatted: Font color: Accent 1 Comment [BW7]: Emphasise (verb) but I think it would be better if it read: education should not only place an emphasis on preparing for a career. Comment [BW4]: This is a very good paragraph

Comment [BW5]: Again a new interest or new interests decide if you want singular or plural Comment [BW6]: This is certain so use will use would where it is speculative