One day, there was a woman, walking by the road towards me Even though i didn't know her much,

i'll wait for her at the end of that road and we walk along together. Day by day, month by month until we did meet again on some young catholic group activity , even though at that time she was with someone else, never mind i thought, i just love to see her smile, seeing her enjoying her time, that was a pleasure for me..Even, there was a evil plan that i would took her from his boyfriend,haha.. When the night has come, i' ve prepared the bbq grill, while she was preparing the meat, steak, corn, etc. I enjoy to sit by the grill to make sure that the fire is still on also cos i could be close to her.hehe After all the grill thing is done, actually i must join the game that includes all of the people there, but i'm not in the mood while i saw that she didn't want to come along, so i collect all my courage to ask her, come here, sit with me and we chat. I would never forget that moment, the most happiest moment in my life to chat with someone i attracted to on the sea shore with a nice view to the ocean with its moon reflects.and surprisingly she would like to answer all my question. From that time, i knew that i've got something for her. Surprisingly, on the next day, she texts me to accompany her to a mall that i told her yesterday, of course i feel so happy and wondering, is this God's Will?never mind, On that day we met at GI, basically we just chat, also the 1st thing that ever happen in my life that, we sit on bucks, and we chat for almost 5 hours..that was shocking, i didn't expect to have that kind of conversation, the most important thing is that i feel very happy at that time. Time is passing by until on my birthday, 26th sep 2009, she bought me a mug, thanks and i really appreciate it. Approximately, a week before, for exact on 18 Sep 2009, i told her that i attracted to her and i would like to know her more..and that makes her confuses even she can't sleep that night. So on the next day, i told her that i will her boyfriend with some condition. On that time i fell very happy and can't believe, is this real? For the start, this condition really weird, but after everything we've been through, laugh,joy, anger, jealousy, tears, sing along together with our song,that condition seems not important anymore. Many people think that if you hate someone it means you love her, and i thought i really know how it feels right now.

Oh, i forgot to mention her name,it's you, Ignatia Theodora Niken Hidyarni =====================================================================================

Actually, there are a lot of things that confuses me about our relationship, maybe i'm still afraid u got sick , i'm afraid that u hurt urself again with something sharp, it really makes me feel down when i remembered it. And many unfinished things between us happen until you and i both couldn't take it anymore, so i got really-really mad, so do you, and everything just blew like an atomic bomb. Lately, i've been always thinking, maybe there are only 2 problems that makes us clash, 1st we always pending to solve every problems between us and actually, you and i both really have that patience to face my badness and so do I to you, but maybe we both also forget to appreciate what we just did one to another. So at some point, that patience blew away and here we are. I really don't understand what happen between us, why when we argue , bad things always happen,. on my car, on phone, in front of SY, and the last time on all the way we back 2 ur place. why every time we argue about something, we both cannot control our emotion, anger, and so on, and look what happen now. until this time, i've always thought that all of that thing is my fault and im really sorry about it, i never did it on purpose, but its always a reaction from my emotional feeling. When i see u cry , my heart always tore apart, and i think you will be better without me,eventhough i will be broke into pieces without you like im feeling just right now. i never wanted to see u cry, i want to see ur smile ur joy, that completes my soul. Once you told me that,you want my guidance about this realtionship thing but i think, it is a total wrong..actually i need ur guidance to face all this problems of life,without you everything feels sucks.because im really stupid and emotional and etc with many bad things on me. i need you to calm me down, to realize what ive got and what should i do, i need u in my life If there is a tiny little piece of me still inside your heart, please reply this email, even there are nothing lasts of me on you, also please reply it, im begging you.Cos i would like to know how you've been doing and how are you feeling right now? But once again, after we clash, you got an internship at Permata Bank as a HRD??something that i've always said to you, but u told me you didn't like it. :p God damn, i miss u so much.. Regards, mp

Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation. Khalil Gibran Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of withering, of tarnishing. Anais Nin Love is never lost. If not reciprocated, it will flow back and soften and purify the heart. Washington Irving Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never knew. Author Unknown

Do you remember this song, although you never told me for whom you wrote it, i still believe it is me on this song, on your 1st song. And now i'm completely lost, could you still be that light that will shine my day? No Such A Friend By Ignatia Niken Hidyarni arr. Martinus Putra

When Im awake , all by myself Nothing seems to be all that Ive thought This emptiness seems so wrong Then I just feel Im not all alone That your presence never leave me here How could I have not realized? Bridge : I wish , i were omnipotent to turning back time I would have given thanks for all that i have Reff : (And) Theres no such a friend I could ever imagine, Cos he has something special for me God , Please lead his way, When he lost and nowhere to go Let me be there, as a light shining his day Now when i look at the mirror i see ,Someone that I dont know exactly All these confusions haunt my mind Bridge : But then u come , as a torch show me the way Youre the one who keeps me smiling through these hard times Back to reff..