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Original
It is often claimed that nowadays people dispose increasing amount of garbage, therefore causing some negative environmental effects. One if the key fundamental reasons for that, is the excessive contemporary consumption culture which portrays our life style. Having said that, I believe that authorities should consider the appropriate measures to halt this trend. In this essay, both perspectives will be analyzed before a conclusion is reached. On one side of the argument, from the consumers' point of view, it is well established that consumption patterns are different nowadays, as we have a wider selection of products and we are wealthier than we were few decades ago. These trends result in purchasing more food in greater packages. A good illustration for that would be the size of the beverages cups in McDonalds where the capacity of a 'small' cup is approximately three quarters of a liter. It is sensible to believe that had McDonalds only reduce the size of some of its packages, much less litter would have been thrown away all over the globe. On the other side, from the authorities' perspective much can be done as well. In fact, I believe that it is the government responsibility to raise public awareness of the possible environmental scathes which are correlated with excessive products' consumption. Moreover, I believe that authorities should consider enhance school's curriculum with subjects regarding greenhouse effect or environmental pollution. Finally, prohibition of the use of non-biodegradable materials, notably plastic bags, should be considered too, albeit this measure could be harmful to some businesses which much rely on these products. In conclusion, as the surge in our consumption habits is becoming transparent over the last two decades, much can be done by consumers, businesses and via regime legislation in order to preserve our vital resources.

Grade
TR 8 CC 9 LR 7 GRA 7

Overall = 7.5 (borderline 8)

Example of Essay Correction by www.YES-IELTS.com

Corrected
It is often claimed that nowadays people dispose increasing amounts of garbage, therefore causing some negative environmental effects. One of the key fundamental reasons for this, is the excessive contemporary consumption culture which reflects our modern throwaway life style. Having said that, I believe that authorities should consider the appropriate measures to halt this trend. In this essay, both perspectives will be analyzed before a conclusion is reached. On one side of the argument, from the consumers' point of view, it is well established that consumption patterns are different nowadays, as we have a wider selection of products and we are wealthier than we were a few decades ago. These trends result in purchasing more food in even more packaging. A good illustration for that is the size of the beverages cups in McDonalds where the capacity of a 'small' cup is approximately three quarters of a liter. It is sensible to believe that if McDonalds reduces the size of some of its packaging, much less litter would be thrown away all over the globe. On the other side, from the authorities' perspective, much can be done to reduce this unnecessary rubbish production. In fact, I believe that it is the governments responsibility to raise public awareness about the possible environmental damages which are correlated with excessive product consumption. Moreover, I believe that authorities should consider enhancing the school curriculum with subjects regarding the greenhouse effect or environmental pollution. Finally, prohibition of the use of non-biodegradable materials, notably plastic bags, should be considered too, albeit this measure could be harmful to some businesses which much rely on these products. In conclusion, as the surge in our consumption habits has become transparent over the last two decades, much can be done by consumers, businesses and via government legislation in order to preserve our vital resources.

Tish Kirkland 4/2/12 2:57 PM

Comment: Irepeatedthewordmorefor emphasis.

Tish Kirkland 4/2/12 2:57 PM Comment: Ilikethealliterationhere. However,Iwouldprobablyphrasethisterm asconsumercultureorcultureof consumption.Imovedcontemporaryto modernlaterinthesentenceandaddedthe expressionthrowawaytodescribeour currentconsumerhabits.Thisisarealterm, oftenusedinspeakingandsemiformal writing.

Tish Kirkland 4/2/12 2:57 PM

Comment: isisstrongerthanwouldbe. Youwanttomakestrongstatementsinyour writingsouseis(presenttenseforfacts).

Tish Kirkland 4/2/12 2:47 PM

Deleted: would be

Tish Kirkland 4/2/12 2:57 PM

Comment: Useamixedconditionalhere, ratherthan3rdconditional.Youare expressingarealpossibility,notanimaginary eventinthepast.

Tish Kirkland 4/2/12 2:50 PM

Deleted: only

Tish Kirkland 4/2/12 2:57 PM Comment: Beclearinyourtopicsentence aboutwhattheparagraphisabout. Tish Kirkland 4/2/12 2:51 PM
Deleted: as well.

Tish Kirkland 4/2/12 2:57 PM Comment: scathesisalittleoldfashioned Tish Kirkland 4/2/12 2:57 PM
Comment: Iwouldntincludethissentence asitcontradictsthemainideaofthe paragraph.

Tish Kirkland 4/2/12 2:57 PM Comment: regimehasnegative connotations.