Bradley Menchl CLCIV 342 002 17 April 2011 David Halperin Iphis redux Feet hit a cold floor.

Hes up before the alarm sounds; he didnt sleep last night, he hasnt slept in awhile. He goes through the routines, putting on his fresh white shirt from his closet of countless fresh white shirts, slicking his hair back, eating toast while staring at the blank TV. He feels robotic, his past few years a blur of grey unremarkable memories. He wonders on mornings like this every morning if one day hell wake up to find that he doesnt have a voice. He wouldnt be able to tell, not for those first few hours of the day. Theres some sort of peace to the silence and privacy he has in his dingy apartment. Outside, he always feels like an actor, playing a role in the most boring soap opera on television. Yes, his character shares his name and background, but hes completely different. This character has friends who share his interests; he has a job; he is happy. But he isnt Iphis. ** -iphis! Finally youre here, the line is out the door and customers are getting cranky. Eutropius cant handle himself in the back alone, and as satisfying as it is to see that cute little bugger get his ego squashed, its bad for business. iphis walked back to the kitchen to see the mousy teen scrambling back and forth, trying to keep up with the surge of orders. His boss Hilarion took him solely based on looks, iphis was sure of that. He didnt see the appeal. -Thank the gods! I cant do this on my own, and three people already sent their dishes back.

Menchl 2 -Calm down kid, we can catch up. Ill take over the grill, you can handle sending out the orders, alright? They worked at the Cascada Diner, a tiny little dive in the rundown part of Breezy Shores. The place was packed from opening at six in the morning to closing, which was whenever they ran out of food in the back to cook. iphis reigned over the establishment like a god. His pancakes were lighter than air, his bacon crisp and satisfying, and his omelettes not even Hilarion knew the secret to their taste. Regular customers would call him over to discuss the latest rumors: whos been sleeping with whom, and who wants to sleep with whom. iphis would laugh and gab with the rest of them, but everyone knew he was a little off. He was by no means a virgin, but his relationships were few and short, shocking for the sexiest man in the city. Every guy who saw him wanted him and often made that known, but iphis ignored the long stares and stuttering voices. He was friendly and made his rounds in the diner until a new customer came in and he had rush back to the kitchen. Breezy Shores was one of two city districts in Rethymnon, Crete, the other being Azure Point, and the two were separated by the river Preveli. Although the two saw much inter-district communication, they were still commonly called man-land and girl-town. Breezy Shores indeed had most of its population made up of males, while Azure Point was almost completely female. The people of Rethymnon liked it this way. Why have women walking around to get in the way of finding your next hot boy-toy, when they could just all live together somewhere else, leaving you to your man hunt. The women as well had no reason to have men around; there was no attraction, and the

Menchl 3 Point was an oasis of unbearded beauties. Nonetheless, Cascada Diner was known all around and many women crossed the Preveli just to have their brunch made by iphis. ** -Hi, you must be new here -How would you have guessed? -Because you dont immediately know what you want, and you ordered one of Hilarions infamous carrot teas. If there is anything on our menu to stay away from, thats it. Im iphis. -Is that so iphis? Well, what would you suggest then? -Judging by your size, Id say a half order of something, maybe the stuffed omelette, thats always a favorite, and Ill whip you up my melon smoothie. Itll be out in less than ten minutes. iphis walked away from the table, bewildered. His mouth was dry, his hands were clammy, and he couldnt stop thinking, what was her name? He could just ask her, but what if she thought he was too forward? No, it shouldnt matter; she wouldnt be interested in him, just like he wasnt interested in her. Not at all. iphis brought the food back to the table, heart racing, and barely managed to blurt out, -Whats your name? I usually meet everyone who comes in these doors. -Ianthe. -Ianthe. Nice to meet you. Enjoy your meal. Ianthe. Such a beautiful name. It rolls off the tongue. **

Menchl 4 The alarm goes off. It doesnt wake Iphis, he never slept. He stares at the ceiling. He loves her, that much is certain. That statement itself brings relief. Crossbreeders, the strange few who feel the need to love the other sex. Why? Why stray from whats natural? Do dogs love cats? Females and males are so different, they might as well be separate species. There are people, those who cant find any other work, who serve Cretes procreation needs by crossbreeding. Their position is an unfortunate yet necessary one. Few of them actually like the career they hold. Knowing all of this, Iphis still finds relief. For the first time in his life, he can have an identity, abnormal or not. ** Wandering the streets of Azure Point, iphis found Ianthe at her work in a small boutique off the main shopping strip. The store didnt look like it garnered much business, with only two customers browsing. iphis, wearing a white dress and plenty of makeup, could have fit in with any of the women. He had perused womens websites all day, practiced walking in heels, and now stood on the doorstep of Trendy Threads. The door jingled as it opened and the most beautiful sight iphis had ever seen appeared behind a rack of floppy hats. -Hi, could I help you with something? -Id like to get your number. My name is iphis. ** The alarm goes off. With a yawn, iphis wakes up. He turns over and whispers happy six-month anniversary babe into her ear. He quickly gets dressed, choosing a pink blouse from his closet of bright clothes. Iphis the man is gone. iphis the woman is here. Every day seems like an adventure of colors and light. He hums to himself as he cooks

Menchl 5 breakfast for Ianthe in her apartment in Azure Point. All is good, but a sense of falsehood lingers. This isnt truly Iphis. Playing iphis the cook is no different than playing iphis the woman. He cannot allow himself to make love to Ianthe, for she only loves iphis the woman, and finding out that iphis is truly Iphis would end it all. This woman has someone who loves her; she is happy. But she isnt Iphis. ** iphis never was really one to go to any of the temples. Those religious nuts who made it their job to celebrate every festival and holiday were a little too much for him. Nevertheless he was kneeling in front of the enormous statue of Isis praying. He had always like Isis; maybe it was just those cow horns poking out of her head. The sun was high in the sky when he first knelt on the stone floor, but he had long since lost sense of time. His words and thoughts flowed out of him: every problem, every fear. He could see himself standing before Isis, nursing the baby in her lap as she sat on her massive throne. Iphis spoke to her about the deception that was his life. He felt like he was sinning against nature, pretending to be something he wasnt for the sake of his love. He couldnt lie anymore. Suddenly the altar began to shake, bits of stone falling from the base. iphis lost consciousness. ** -Youre awake babe! What happened? Iphis sat up in bed. The bedroom was full of flowers. -I dont know. I dont know. **

Menchl 6 A bell rings. The happy couple walks down the church steps, the first steps of their new life together. Ianthe reaches out to touch the face of her beautiful wife. This woman has a wife who loves her; she is happy. She is Iphis. ** With hope rekindled by the favoring sign, Through trembling still, our Iphis left the shrine, And went his way, and with a shorter stride. He smiled and with a higher voice he sighed. His cheeks grew ivory white, his fingers small, His features delicate, he grew less tall; And through his body he felt it unfurl, No longer was he man, he was a girl. Do not forget your faith and do not weep, For your deserved prayers the gods shall keep. She brought her offerings up to the shrine Included was a note with just one line: The promise that the youth Iphis had made, Is carried out by Iphis as a maid. When finally the day of marriage came, The two women were wed. Let none proclaim That no gods smiled when at last rites were said; Ianthe and her bride Iphis were wed.